Question:
You said that I am jealous that he loves the vodka more then me or his mother. He doesn’t know how I am feeling about it, if he knew he may stop.
If he knew how you felt he might stop. But then again, he might not. Either way, you still sound jealous of the vodka. And I am also not jealous of the vodka, that sounds silly (I suppose it could happen, I’ve only knew people who were jealous of another person or sometimes even an animal, but why an object?).
Why an object?? Because that is what he loves. And you want to be what he loves, so you are jealous of the vodka. Look, I don’t really know if he loves the vodka, let alone if he loves the vodka more then he loves you. I am trying to point out that you sound jealous of the vodka. It sounds to me like you want him to behave in certain ways "for you", and that you feel jealous if he doesn’t. The vodka itself isn’t really all that interesting to me. But the rest of it is. I am mad that he would do this and I came here to be given support….
And support is what I am giving you. Sometimes support is; "Oh you poor thing, the world is a big old mean place." And other times it is; "You sound depressed and you might want to think about medication and therapy." The real reason why she wants to break us up is because we’re gay, but she can’t even accept the fact that he is. There is no other reason, I am a decent, intelligent person and not half bad (I’ve never gotten in trouble with the law and I’ve never even gotten a detention in all my years going to school, nor have I ever smoked, drunk alcohol, or taken drugs). My parents are fine concerning him and I, the only problem is his mother.
At this point I wondered if there was even more twists and turns to your story, so I looked up your address on www.dejanews.com. You seem to post a variety of similar stories on different (especially support-type) newsgroups, but it sounds as if you find it difficult to receive the kind of support that you feel you’d like. This could be in part because you deliberately withold the kind of information that would allow people in that group to offer you the type of support that you desire. For "Is there anyone on this board that is paranoid schizophrenic and is obsessed over another person? I’m in a long-distance relationship and I’ve become obsessed over the other person. How do you cope, is there anything that can be done? I stopped taking Paxil several months ago, I only take thioridazine whenever it gets to be too much. Paxil did nothing to the depression, only made it almost impossible for me to cry, thioridazine relaxes me and it seems to affect my way of thinking (I think less depressive thoughts). I dropped out of school and haven’t went into public for almost two years now. I have a limited supply of both meds, stopped going to the psychiatrist." So it may well be that the mother of your "long distance obsession" doesn’t want to believe that her son is gay, and that’s why she doesn’t want him to talk with you. Alternatively, there may be more to you then meets the eye. (So to speak.) I hope you can find a way to the medication, therapy, or love object that can help you feel better. That’s what it’s all about after all, isn’t it?? Sincerely Stewart — The Metaphor Man *and* The Great Defender of the Self (remove the SPAMBLOCK) Please send me an e-mail copy of your posted response.
Response:
Why an object?? Because that is what he loves. And you want to be what he loves, so you are jealous of the vodka. Look, I don’t really know if he loves the vodka, let alone if he loves the vodka more then he loves you. I am trying to point out that you sound jealous of the vodka. It sounds to me like you want him to behave in certain ways "for you", and that you feel jealous if he doesn’t. The vodka itself isn’t really all that interesting to me. But the rest of it is.
I don’t understand how anyone can see me being jealous of the vodka, I know what jealousy feels like and this is not jealousy. This is about what is right and what is wrong, and vodka at his age is wrong and I am worried that he might get hurt. That is simple to understand. And support is what I am giving you. Sometimes support is; "Oh you poor thing, the world is a big old mean place." And other times it is; "You sound depressed and you might want to think about medication and therapy."
And I’m not getting either kind of response. This could be in part because you deliberately withold the kind of information
In some instances you are right, I don’t include information, information that I believe won’t help the subject much, that information I believe is best left in other newsgroups where I believe it is most appropriate and where I would get better feedback on. In other instances, I just don’t think about it. It’s hard to have to remember to include every little detail and I have a tendency to make posts too long (and well, you bore people when you do that). There is just so much to have to go through and so many twists and turns and little details. If I wish to share certain things with people in a certain newsgroup, I’ll do that if I feel comfortable sharing that. To post what I have said in another newsgroup is unwelcomed and I don’t appreciate it. And I’m sure you’ll agree. The internet is a place that I can convey to others how I am feeling and see what they say, maybe what they tell me may be able to get me to see something that I didn’t see before. Alternatively, there may be more to you then meets the eye. (So to speak.)
I recommend reading my other post that I posted after the one you are replying to. I hope you can find a way to the medication, therapy, or love object that can help you feel better. That’s what it’s all about after all, isn’t it??
All I see are just mind games and sarcasm from you. And I find that inappropriate and I don’t appreciate it.
Response:
I don’t understand how anyone can see me being jealous of the vodka, I know what jealousy feels like and this is not jealousy. This is about what is right and what is wrong, and vodka at his age is wrong and I am worried that he might get hurt. That is simple to understand.
I guess I see things through vodka or jealousy colored glasses. The internet is a place that I can convey to others how I am feeling and see what they say, maybe what they tell me may be able to get me to see something that I didn’t see before.
You mean like how you could be jealous of vodka, or like how you might want to (re)think about medication and therapy, or how your efforts to tightly control what information you reveal to whom helps dictate the responses you get. My wife has a favorite saying; "The response you get is to the question you asked." If you want to understand the response you get, sometimes looking more closely at the question you asked can help. All I see are just mind games and sarcasm from you. And I find that inappropriate and I don’t appreciate it.
Sorry you see me that way. Maybe it would help if you tried on my glasses?? Sincerely Stewart — The Metaphor Man *and* The Great Defender of the Self (remove the SPAMBLOCK) Please send me an e-mail copy of your posted response.
Response:
He doesn’t have to know how you feel about the vodka for you to be jealous of it.
You said that I am jealous that he loves the vodka more then me or his mother. He doesn’t know how I am feeling about it, if he knew he may stop. And I am also not jealous of the vodka, that sounds silly (I suppose it could happen, I’ve only knew people who were jealous of another person or sometimes even an animal, but why an object?). I am mad that he would do this and I came here to be given support…. which no one has bothered to give me. Instead people are wondering why I want to talk to him (which has nothing to do with the subject) and telling me how I feel about the vodka. This is a support group, if you didn’t have any support to give, then why even bother replying? But that would be your opinion. Which, I’ll bet you can understand, isn’t really the one that matters. After all, if other people’s opinions of our lives could cure us then you too should be happy since you have a wonderful life in comparison to some. But it just doesn’t work that way, does it.
I know about his life, and it isn’t that bad. Of course it is my opinion. And he has said it himself that his life isn’t terrible.
Response:
I think maybe you and his mother are both jealous of the vodka, and of the fact that he can love something else more than you. He doesn’t know how I am feeling right now about the vodka, he will when I speak to him again.
He doesn’t have to know how you feel about the vodka for you to be jealous of it. And he hasn’t had *that* bad of a life in my opinion, his life is pretty good compared to mine,
But that would be your opinion. Which, I’ll bet you can understand, isn’t really the one that matters. After all, if other people’s opinions of our lives could cure us then you too should be happy since you have a wonderful life in comparison to some. But it just doesn’t work that way, does it. mine’s hell (severe depression, severe anxiety, paranoid schizophrenia, and PTSD).
Sorry to hear all that. Sounds like quite a burden to bear. Sincerely Stewart — The Metaphor Man *and* The Great Defender of the Self (remove the SPAMBLOCK) Please send me an e-mail copy of your posted response.
Response:
I think maybe you and his mother are both jealous of the vodka, and of the fact that he can love something else more than you.
He doesn’t know how I am feeling right now about the vodka, he will when I speak to him again. I’m not jealous, I’m mad because he would do this…. and I am sure his mother feels the same way. I’m sure he doesn’t "love" the vodka, I think it may be more of an experimentation thing. He’s not the type of person that would drink until he’s drunk. And, his story might be true, he’s always been weird like that. Personally, from how much I know about him I find it hard to believe he would touch the stuff. And he hasn’t had *that* bad of a life in my opinion, his life is pretty good compared to mine, mine’s hell (severe depression, severe anxiety, paranoid schizophrenia, and PTSD)… and I still wouldn’t touch that poison. The only one who knows the truth his him, and when I get a chance to talk to him I will find out once and for all.
Response:
Of course, being in love means you can disobey your parents.
The real reason why she wants to break us up is because we’re gay, but she can’t even accept the fact that he is. There is no other reason, I am a decent, intelligent person and not half bad (I’ve never gotten in trouble with the law and I’ve never even gotten a detention in all my years going to school, nor have I ever smoked, drunk alcohol, or taken drugs). My parents are fine concerning him and I, the only problem is his mother. Comparing this with stealing, robing, and using illegal drugs doesn’t make sense to me. Sometimes disobeying is OK in certain circumstances (especially when it comes to relationships that are basicly fine and both parties involved are two committed and good individuals), most of the time it is not OK at all to disobey (I think the young generation should really listen to their parents when it comes to not doing drugs, smoke, drink, or get into trouble. And heck, there are so many irresponsible parents that are not sitting their kids down when they are little and telling them that these things are bad and wrong. I also think they should tell their kids that teasing is also wrong, to tell them that they should treat others as you would want to be treated). Don’t you think that a parent trying to stop you from dating someone who wasn’t bad at all (or had negative intentions for that matter) would be quite silly? I think what is best is for others to not comment on our relationship like this, since no one really knew what was going on in the first place. Personally, I think others should regard me as a breath of fresh air (since there are so many teenagers out there having sex left and right, getting into trouble, and so forth), I think so much emphasis is put on the little negative things and not very much on the positive things with each young person. I think parents should appreciate the positives more and praise them and not get their panties in a bunch whenever a young person cusses, or gets a bad grade, or listens to bad music, etc. I think parents need to be kicked in the butt and told to get their act together and start being parents. The day that young children can comprehend what smoking, alcohol, drugs, and teasing are, that is the day parents need to begin instilling in their children that these things are wrong, when they try to at a later age it is most likely too late. This is what my parents did with me, and I carry these values to this day, and frankly I am damn proud. Going in a different direction now… someone pointed out to me in another newsgroup that there are responsible drinkers, and I am very aware of that. But I think at his age he should not touch the stuff altogether whether he is responsible or not. I don’t care whether you dye your hair pink, blue, black, or have multiple piercings, or have major cosmetic surgery to make yourself look like a lizard, those things don’t put other individuals’ lives in danger. But what I am concerned about is individuals (of any age) consuming alcohol and taking drugs. Those two things can (and do) kill others, when you go overboard with the alcohol or when you take illegal drugs and you get in a car and you get in a wreck and kill those people in that other car, I don’t even have words for it right now (but you get my point). The pain that you put those individuals’ family through is horrible. Not only that, but you could physically and emotionally abuse your loved ones when you are drunk or "high/stoned." I can understand those who use drugs or consume alcohol because they are severely depressed (although they shouldn’t do it and should seek professional help as soon as possible), but I have little sympathy for those that do it out of curiosity, experimentation, peer pressure, or for any other reason. By the way, I’m not against the use of marijuana for medicinal purposes only (although it should be heavily studied and the patients to be surpervised by their physicians closely).
Response:
Does that make it OK you think??
Yep.
Response:
Does that make it OK you think?? Yep.
So there’s nothing really wrong here then. His mother loves him and doesn’t want him to talk with you, but you do because you love him. His mother and you both love him and don’t want him to drink vodka, but he does because he loves it. All seems well with the world here. I think maybe you and his mother are both jealous of the vodka, and of the fact that he can love something else more than you. Sincerely Stewart — The Metaphor Man *and* The Great Defender of the Self (remove the SPAMBLOCK) Please send me an e-mail copy of your posted response.
Response:
So what are you doing talking with him then??
Because I love him?
Response:
So what are you doing talking with him then?? Because I love him?
Does that make it OK you think?? Sincerely Stewart — The Metaphor Man *and* The Great Defender of the Self (remove the SPAMBLOCK) Please send me an e-mail copy of your posted response.
Response:
My boyfriend’s mother found his bottle of vodka in his room, but he told her that he got it from a friend and that he wasn’t the one to drink it (yea right). When we first met about two years ago he was totally against drugs, smoking, and alcohol. How could he change so much? He is a vegetarian and one that is concerned with health. But over the past two years he has been having trouble with his mom, plus his work and school are crappy as well. She is a hardcore Christian that goes through all his things, and forbids him from talking to me and vice versa (he has to secretly send me letters behind her back). He recently became friends with many people (he use to have hardly any) and he has been starting to sneak out at night when his mom is asleep to go to a friend’s house to watch movies and stuff (his mom doesn’t let him watch cable or watch movies that are PG13 and over and she totally went off when she found a PG13 and R rated movie in his room), almost a year ago he pierced his left ear (which was a big deal to him and his mom got upset). He is preppy in dress and has been going to a Catholic high school. I was raised to believe those things (drugs, smoking, alcohol) were bad, and I am having a very hard time trying to understand why my boyfriend would do this. I extremely hope that this is not going to become a problem for him, hopefully his story is true or that it was just a first and last time thing. The "my" in "*my* bottle of vodka" just keeps jumping out and it is hard to believe that his story is true. His last letter to me (the one that he said about the vodka incident) is actually clearer to read and his language arts is actually better then what they use to be. Strange huh? You would think it would be worse if he was drinking. Another thing that is confusing is that a while afterward she promised to not go through his stuff ever again, and all along she has been going through his stuff for years now but why stop now since she found vodka in his room? I don’t understand that. I guess there is more to it then what he said to me? Someone said to me that vodka would be too strong for someone like him and that it must not be true. My mom says that it is pretty obvious that it is his and that he is probably a drinker now, but she believes it is just a phase for him. He is so unique, artistic, special, and someone I feel comfortable with, it is a shame that he started doing this. I’ve never encountered someone like him in my whole life. I love him so much and care for him a lot and I don’t want anything bad to happen to him, he is getting a car soon and all that "drunk driving" mess I have been thinking about more and more. I’ve read that vodka is the alcohol of choice for teenagers today since it is odorless and colorless. Right now I can’t contact him until probably around late December when he comes down to his dad’s house. We’re both 17, he is going to turn 18 in October and is going into the 12th grade. I’m so mad and upset. I thought he was like me and would never touch the stuff and I was so proud of that. I don’t know how I would be able to convey my feelings… I want to threaten and then I just want to be kind. ::sigh:: Are there any parents on this NG that can help?
Response:
his mom …. forbids him from talking to me and vice versa (he has to secretly send me letters behind her back).
So what are you doing talking with him then?? Sincerely Stewart — The Metaphor Man *and* The Great Defender of the Self (remove the SPAMBLOCK) Please send me an e-mail copy of your posted response.
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