Question:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Ok, I’m doing a sort of reality check/experiment here. You will note this is Tuesday, so of course this has to do with my latest therapy session… What I’m wondering is… has anyone noticed any changes in me or my system (or anyone in particular in my system) over time? Like the past six months or so, or since you personally ‘met’ me? you mean besides the fact that several of you have merged and now almost always speak with one voice? or besides the fact that you are much more able to tolerate ambiguity and sometimes come up with an ambiguous response yourself? or besides the fact that you actually know what it means to feel? or besides the fact that you can label the feelings that go with your behaviors? nah… :)
Right *grin*, also besides the point I’ve discovered I’m ‘cured’ *vbg* Thanks, you are right. These are probably changes 
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m asking for several reasons, to convince the one inside who is thinking of quiting therapy to not do so, to figure out what has changed over time (my SO is convinced things have changed for me, especially in the past four to six months, but he can’t be specific), and to see if I’m ‘cured’ yet (*grin* not really the last one!) I talked to my therapist about all of this. He says thinking about me being ‘cured’ is great for his ego As usual lately, I just had one of those sessions from h*ll. They may be therapeutic and growth inducing but they really SUCK! I’ve gotten oh boy oh boy oh boy do they *ever*! and we just arranged to see ours daily individually plus group for the week after the semester ends….gah!!! *ulp* :/
Proof of your level of sanity???? *hmm?:)* to the point where I do that feeling junk without the use of hypnosis or anything at all! ARGH Doesn’t help that my therapist seems to know just how to say things to get it going, and once he does it and I feel my ‘walls’ going up he manages to get past them and do it again!!!! Of course he stops when I tell him too so how do *you* stop? we’ve been losing the ability to just shut them
Normally I just think inside ‘enough!’ and turn everything off. Hard to explain but it basically involves forcing my consciousness to the forefront and focusing on the external ‘things’ in the environment (like the color of the chair or the sound of traffic) so I can completely ignore things inside. Not being able to do this is what is the most scary to me. Whenever it is particularly difficult for me to turn things off at will I begin to panic. I am working in therapy now on learning to turn it _down_ but not off. Like feeling miserable is ‘ok’ but feeling totally depressed isn’t (yeah right!) *sarcasm mode off* – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -off, and are getting caught in the tidal waves. therapist tries to get us to get them to stop at that point, and sometimes we can’t seem to cooperate with her…or maybe sometimes the feelings say: we are being told to go away because we are bad and we just want to be able to be and to be held, but that isn’t going to happen, but we wantitwantitwantit and they refuse to go away :( (the feelings are saying that [not in words, really], not some alter(s) who are having the feelings) So, I’ve noticed I’ve been pretty spacey this past week, losing little bits of time again, and generally feeling more unplugged from the world. This is a sign that things are getting too intense and we have to back off for a week in therapy. Ok, so we did and it didn’t help! Even just talking about ‘normal’ stuff was too intense today. I think I’ve gotten past some stuck point or whatever with feelings (anyone know how to re-stick them?) Jill yeah, how?!!!? I just know this means the next step is coming… trudge, trudge, trudge… ARGH. If this keeps happening I’m going to start having serious parties each time I’m ready for a new step. I’m used to taking a step, standing around admiring the scenery for afew months and then going on. This new step every three to four weeks is tiring *puff puff* Lora trudge? we wish! it’s more like *caroom* *smash*! *caroom*
Oh man!! ROTFL This is _so_ right!! And don’t forget the occassional *Screech* and that lurching feeling you get on the top of roller coasters Tonight we went to the bookstore and got some good books and ordered a new one. And then we got coffee hot chocolate (well mocha latte, but the kids call it coffee hot chocolate:) with whipped cream!!!! And we found a real scary book about people like us and we think we aren’t going to be able to read it alone and have to read it in therapy. This is real weird for us!! It is called ‘I Never Told Anyone’ by Ellen Bass. Maybe we shouldn’t read it? all the kids dunno cuz dunno how you are reading stuff. maybe ask your therapist?
Well in the past Thena, or a long time ago Sara, would read stuff like this and be able to do it objectively and ‘professionally’ or ‘intellectually’ to learn from it. But now, with so many of us paying attention, we end up remembering how ‘this is so similar to that memory’ or several of us start talking about another memory and the rest of us listen and so on, that it gets all jumbled up and then those ANNOYING feelings show up and we get lots of PTSD stuff happening and then we panic and… not really a fun experience! Seems like this is a trigger for those inside experiences/feelings that we get that are stuck inside. So maybe we can use it as a starting point to learn how to let them out. I figure just getting them stirred up and in a turmoil inside isn’t really a good idea… Rainbow Colors (Jill, Lora, and the kids) astri #AKA pink bunnies#
Rainbow Colors (Jill) — I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – What I’m wondering is… has anyone noticed any changes in me or my system (or anyone in particular in my system) over time? Like the past six months or so, or since you personally ‘met’ me? you mean besides the fact that several of you have merged and now almost always speak with one voice? or besides the fact that you are much more able to tolerate ambiguity and sometimes come up with an ambiguous response yourself? or besides the fact that you actually know what it means to feel? or besides the fact that you can label the feelings that go with your behaviors? nah… :) Right *grin*, also besides the point I’ve discovered I’m ‘cured’ *vbg* Thanks, you are right. These are probably changes
*snork*splutt* wanna *warn* me when you’re gonna do that, please? *mutter*mutter* now, where *are* those tissues? gotta clean the *monitor*… [...] I talked to my therapist about all of this. He says thinking about me being ‘cured’ is great for his ego As usual lately, I just had one of those sessions from h*ll. They may be therapeutic and growth inducing but they really SUCK! I’ve gotten oh boy oh boy oh boy do they *ever*! and we just arranged to see ours daily individually plus group for the week after the semester ends….gah!!! *ulp* :/ Proof of your level of sanity???? *hmm?:)*
or lack thereof :/ contract is to do intense work kind of like a make-yer-own partial hospitalization look for an extreme infestation of basket-casitis the week of 12/9 to the point where I do that feeling junk without the use of hypnosis or anything at all! ARGH Doesn’t help that my therapist seems to know just how to say things to get it going, and once he does it and I feel my ‘walls’ going up he manages to get past them and do it again!!!! Of course he stops when I tell him too so how do *you* stop? we’ve been losing the ability to just shut them Normally I just think inside ‘enough!’ and turn everything off. Hard to explain but it basically involves forcing my consciousness to the forefront and focusing on the external ‘things’ in the environment (like the color of the chair or the sound of traffic) so I can completely ignore things inside. Not being able to do this is what is the most scary to me. Whenever it is particularly difficult for me to turn things off at will I begin to panic. I am working in therapy now
well, yeah, that’s how we do it. but sometimes the stoopid feelings won’t *cooperate* these days :( on learning to turn it _down_ but not off. Like feeling miserable is ‘ok’ but feeling totally depressed isn’t (yeah right!) *sarcasm mode off*
you up for a burn-the-manual raid on their offices? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – off, and are getting caught in the tidal waves. therapist tries to get us to get them to stop at that point, and sometimes we can’t seem to cooperate with her…or maybe sometimes the feelings say: we are being told to go away because we are bad and we just want to be able to be and to be held, but that isn’t going to happen, but we wantitwantitwantit and they refuse to go away :( (the feelings are saying that [not in words, really], not some alter(s) who are having the feelings) So, I’ve noticed I’ve been pretty spacey this past week, losing little bits of time again, and generally feeling more unplugged from the world. This is a sign that things are getting too intense and we have to back off for a week in therapy. Ok, so we did and it didn’t help! Even just talking about ‘normal’ stuff was too intense today. I think I’ve gotten past some stuck point or whatever with feelings (anyone know how to re-stick them?) Jill yeah, how?!!!?
you didn’t answer my *question*…. *pout* I just know this means the next step is coming… trudge, trudge, trudge… ARGH. If this keeps happening I’m going to start having serious parties each time I’m ready for a new step. I’m used to taking a step, standing around admiring the scenery for afew months and then going on. This new step every three to four weeks is tiring *puff puff* Lora trudge? we wish! it’s more like *caroom* *smash*! *caroom* Oh man!! ROTFL This is _so_ right!! And don’t forget the occassional *Screech* and that lurching feeling you get on the top of roller coasters
uh huh. especially when (at first glance) it looks like the tracks are *broken* – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Tonight we went to the bookstore and got some good books and ordered a new one. And then we got coffee hot chocolate (well mocha latte, but the kids call it coffee hot chocolate:) with whipped cream!!!! And we found a real scary book about people like us and we think we aren’t going to be able to read it alone and have to read it in therapy. This is real weird for us!! It is called ‘I Never Told Anyone’ by Ellen Bass. Maybe we shouldn’t read it? all the kids dunno cuz dunno how you are reading stuff. maybe ask your therapist? Well in the past Thena, or a long time ago Sara, would read stuff like this and be able to do it objectively and ‘professionally’ or ‘intellectually’ to learn from it. But now, with so many of us paying attention, we end up remembering how ‘this is so similar to that memory’ or several of us start talking about another memory and the rest of us listen and so on, that it gets all jumbled up and then those ANNOYING feelings show up and we get lots of PTSD stuff happening and then we panic and… not really a fun experience! Seems like this is a trigger for those inside experiences/feelings that we get that are stuck inside. So maybe we can use it as a starting point to learn how to let them out. I figure just getting them stirred up and in a turmoil inside isn’t really a good idea… Rainbow Colors (Jill, Lora, and the kids)
well, then, if you read it it’s probably a good idea to do that just before a session. astri #AKA pink bunnies# Rainbow Colors (Jill)
astri #AKA pink bunnies# `o’_* |/(((( |/ All conditions are temporary — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – What I’m wondering is… has anyone noticed any changes in me or my system (or anyone in particular in my system) over time? Like the past six months or so, or since you personally ‘met’ me? you mean besides the fact that several of you have merged and now almost always speak with one voice? or besides the fact that you are much more able to tolerate ambiguity and sometimes come up with an ambiguous response yourself? or besides the fact that you actually know what it means to feel? or besides the fact that you can label the feelings that go with your behaviors? nah… :) Right *grin*, also besides the point I’ve discovered I’m ‘cured’ *vbg* Thanks, you are right. These are probably changes *snork*splutt* wanna *warn* me when you’re gonna do that, please? *mutter*mutter* now, where *are* those tissues? gotta clean the *monitor*…
*innocently looking skyward* I was just practicing my ambiguity – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -[...] I talked to my therapist about all of this. He says thinking about me being ‘cured’ is great for his ego As usual lately, I just had one of those sessions from h*ll. They may be therapeutic and growth inducing but they really SUCK! I’ve gotten oh boy oh boy oh boy do they *ever*! and we just arranged to see ours daily individually plus group for the week after the semester ends….gah!!! *ulp* :/ Proof of your level of sanity???? *hmm?:)* or lack thereof :/ contract is to do intense work kind of like a make-yer-own partial hospitalization look for an extreme infestation of basket-casitis the week of 12/9
You are familar with the choose your own adventure books? Sounds like you are in one of those. I’d recommend picking page 19 and section L. Remember, during partial hospitalization stays you should be completing at least one pointless craft a day. Also, you will need a chart of your progress to keep track of. Those things aren’t just for loafing around, you know! It’s serious business being only partially crazy!! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – to the point where I do that feeling junk without the use of hypnosis or anything at all! ARGH Doesn’t help that my therapist seems to know just how to say things to get it going, and once he does it and I feel my ‘walls’ going up he manages to get past them and do it again!!!! Of course he stops when I tell him too so how do *you* stop? we’ve been losing the ability to just shut them Normally I just think inside ‘enough!’ and turn everything off. Hard to explain but it basically involves forcing my consciousness to the forefront and focusing on the external ‘things’ in the environment (like the color of the chair or the sound of traffic) so I can completely ignore things inside. Not being able to do this is what is the most scary to me. Whenever it is particularly difficult for me to turn things off at will I begin to panic. I am working in therapy now well, yeah, that’s how we do it. but sometimes the stoopid feelings won’t *cooperate* these days :( on learning to turn it _down_ but not off. Like feeling miserable is ‘ok’ but feeling totally depressed isn’t (yeah right!) *sarcasm mode off* you up for a burn-the-manual raid on their offices?
Nah, let’s just change some of the pages *oh, just in case you needed to know, that was a funny thing and you shouldn’t have been drinking anything while reading it* (vbg) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – off, and are getting caught in the tidal waves. therapist tries to get us to get them to stop at that point, and sometimes we can’t seem to cooperate with her…or maybe sometimes the feelings say: we are being told to go away because we are bad and we just want to be able to be and to be held, but that isn’t going to happen, but we wantitwantitwantit and they refuse to go away :( (the feelings are saying that [not in words, really], not some alter(s) who are having the feelings) So, I’ve noticed I’ve been pretty spacey this past week, losing little bits of time again, and generally feeling more unplugged from the world. This is a sign that things are getting too intense and we have to back off for a week in therapy. Ok, so we did and it didn’t help! Even just talking about ‘normal’ stuff was too intense today. I think I’ve gotten past some stuck point or whatever with feelings (anyone know how to re-stick them?) Jill yeah, how?!!!? you didn’t answer my *question*…. *pout*
Not fair!! I asked it first and you didn’t answer mine!!!!! I’m going to try epoxy or that blue sticky stuff for putting posters on the wall first. I think that should work… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I just know this means the next step is coming… trudge, trudge, trudge… ARGH. If this keeps happening I’m going to start having serious parties each time I’m ready for a new step. I’m used to taking a step, standing around admiring the scenery for afew months and then going on. This new step every three to four weeks is tiring *puff puff* Lora trudge? we wish! it’s more like *caroom* *smash*! *caroom* Oh man!! ROTFL This is _so_ right!! And don’t forget the occassional *Screech* and that lurching feeling you get on the top of roller coasters uh huh. especially when (at first glance) it looks like the tracks are *broken* Tonight we went to the bookstore and got some good books and ordered a new one. And then we got coffee hot chocolate (well mocha latte, but the kids call it coffee hot chocolate:) with whipped cream!!!! And we found a real scary book about people like us and we think we aren’t going to be able to read it alone and have to read it in therapy. This is real weird for us!! It is called ‘I Never Told Anyone’ by Ellen Bass. Maybe we shouldn’t read it? all the kids dunno cuz dunno how you are reading stuff. maybe ask your therapist? Well in the past Thena, or a long time ago Sara, would read stuff like this and be able to do it objectively and ‘professionally’ or ‘intellectually’ to learn from it. But now, with so many of us paying attention, we end up remembering how ‘this is so similar to that memory’ or several of us start talking about another memory and the rest of us listen and so on, that it gets all jumbled up and then those ANNOYING feelings show up and we get lots of PTSD stuff happening and then we panic and… not really a fun experience! Seems like this is a trigger for those inside experiences/feelings that we get that are stuck inside. So maybe we can use it as a starting point to learn how to let them out. I figure just getting them stirred up and in a turmoil inside isn’t really a good idea… Rainbow Colors (Jill, Lora, and the kids) well, then, if you read it it’s probably a good idea to do that just before a session.
You know, I kind of thought of that and then managed to do it the hour before going into my last session where we talked about the impending doctors visit from h*ll. In other words, I flung myself into the pool when there was no water in it!!!! (again) Rainbow Colors (Jill, who really has to start wearing a crash helmet if she’s going to do that) — I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – What I’m wondering is… has anyone noticed any changes in me or my system (or anyone in particular in my system) over time? Like the past six months or so, or since you personally ‘met’ me? you mean besides the fact that several of you have merged and now almost always speak with one voice? or besides the fact that you are much more able to tolerate ambiguity and sometimes come up with an ambiguous response yourself? or besides the fact that you actually know what it means to feel? or besides the fact that you can label the feelings that go with your behaviors? nah… :) Right *grin*, also besides the point I’ve discovered I’m ‘cured’ *vbg* Thanks, you are right. These are probably changes *snork*splutt* wanna *warn* me when you’re gonna do that, please? *mutter*mutter* now, where *are* those tissues? gotta clean the *monitor*… *innocently looking skyward* I was just practicing my ambiguity
oooh, there’s that bluebird of innocence again…right on the nose! ;) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – [...] I talked to my therapist about all of this. He says thinking about me being ‘cured’ is great for his ego As usual lately, I just had one of those sessions from h*ll. They may be therapeutic and growth inducing but they really SUCK! I’ve gotten oh boy oh boy oh boy do they *ever*! and we just arranged to see ours daily individually plus group for the week after the semester ends….gah!!! *ulp* :/ Proof of your level of sanity???? *hmm?:)* or lack thereof :/ contract is to do intense work kind of like a make-yer-own partial hospitalization look for an extreme infestation of basket-casitis the week of 12/9 You are familar with the choose your own adventure books? Sounds like you are in one of those. I’d recommend picking page 19 and section L. Remember, during partial hospitalization stays you should be completing at least one pointless craft a day. Also, you will need a
guess we’ll have to take up basket weaving ;) chart of your progress to keep track of. Those things aren’t just for loafing around, you know! It’s serious business being only partially crazy!!
well, we should be *fully* so by the end of the week….although I suspect we are already… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – to the point where I do that feeling junk without the use of hypnosis or anything at all! ARGH Doesn’t help that my therapist seems to know just how to say things to get it going, and once he does it and I feel my ‘walls’ going up he manages to get past them and do it again!!!! Of course he stops when I tell him too so how do *you* stop? we’ve been losing the ability to just shut them Normally I just think inside ‘enough!’ and turn everything off. Hard to explain but it basically involves forcing my consciousness to the forefront and focusing on the external ‘things’ in the environment (like the color of the chair or the sound of traffic) so I can completely ignore things inside. Not being able to do this is what is the most scary to me. Whenever it is particularly difficult for me to turn things off at will I begin to panic. I am working in therapy now well, yeah, that’s how we do it. but sometimes the stoopid feelings won’t *cooperate* these days :( on learning to turn it _down_ but not off. Like feeling miserable is ‘ok’ but feeling totally depressed isn’t (yeah right!) *sarcasm mode off* you up for a burn-the-manual raid on their offices? Nah, let’s just change some of the pages *oh, just in case you needed to know, that was a funny thing and you shouldn’t have been drinking anything while reading it* (vbg)
~~~~~ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – off, and are getting caught in the tidal waves. therapist tries to get us to get them to stop at that point, and sometimes we can’t seem to cooperate with her…or maybe sometimes the feelings say: we are being told to go away because we are bad and we just want to be able to be and to be held, but that isn’t going to happen, but we wantitwantitwantit and they refuse to go away :( (the feelings are saying that [not in words, really], not some alter(s) who are having the feelings) So, I’ve noticed I’ve been pretty spacey this past week, losing little bits of time again, and generally feeling more unplugged from the world. This is a sign that things are getting too intense and we have to back off for a week in therapy. Ok, so we did and it didn’t help! Even just talking about ‘normal’ stuff was too intense today. I think I’ve gotten past some stuck point or whatever with feelings (anyone know how to re-stick them?) Jill yeah, how?!!!? you didn’t answer my *question*…. *pout* Not fair!! I asked it first and you didn’t answer mine!!!!! I’m going to try epoxy or that blue sticky stuff for putting posters on the wall first. I think that should work…
did you know that blue stuff leaves little blue grease marks on your walls? have you thought about crazy glue? lemme know if it works… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I just know this means the next step is coming… trudge, trudge, trudge… ARGH. If this keeps happening I’m going to start having serious parties each time I’m ready for a new step. I’m used to taking a step, standing around admiring the scenery for afew months and then going on. This new step every three to four weeks is tiring *puff puff* Lora trudge? we wish! it’s more like *caroom* *smash*! *caroom* Oh man!! ROTFL This is _so_ right!! And don’t forget the occassional *Screech* and that lurching feeling you get on the top of roller coasters uh huh. especially when (at first glance) it looks like the tracks are *broken* Tonight we went to the bookstore and got some good books and ordered a new one. And then we got coffee hot chocolate (well mocha latte, but the kids call it coffee hot chocolate:) with whipped cream!!!! And we found a real scary book about people like us and we think we aren’t going to be able to read it alone and have to read it in therapy. This is real weird for us!! It is called ‘I Never Told Anyone’ by Ellen Bass. Maybe we shouldn’t read it? all the kids [...] well, then, if you read it it’s probably a good idea to do that just before a session. You know, I kind of thought of that and then managed to do it the hour before going into my last session where we talked about the impending doctors visit from h*ll. In other words, I flung myself into the pool when there was no water in it!!!! (again) Rainbow Colors (Jill, who really has to start wearing a crash helmet if she’s going to do that)
*owies* astri #AKA pink bunnies# `o’_* |/(((( |/ All conditions are temporary — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Thanks! Of course some of what you said was kind of disconcerting because I didn’t realize red dress lady posted here, so I was kind of freaked at first I think what really got me is that you seem to know _so_ much about us and I am not used to this from outside people. Like I keep wondering, who told him _that_ as if it were some secret or something. OTOH, it obviously isn’t a problem that you know these things about us so it’s ok too. ARGH, more ambiguity!!!!! Rainbow Colors (Jill) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – : Ok, I’m doing a sort of reality check/experiment here. You will note : this is Tuesday, so of course this has to do with my latest therapy : session… : What I’m wondering is… has anyone noticed any changes in me or my : system (or anyone in particular in my system) over time? Like the past : six months or so, or since you personally ‘met’ me? Yes, I’ve noticed really major changes in you over the period that I’ve been reading. The way you describe experiencing things has changed sharply, from something more like "classic" DID (where you didn’t remember a lot of what the others did or said or thought, unless they told or showed you) to something more towards the center of the spectrum. It sounds like a lot more of the time you can share thoughts, or you experience switches as *being* one of the others instead of just "blacking out" or "going away", more like what I usually experience. Then there’s the fact that Thena and Jill (and some others, I think) are merged a lot of the time (or phasing in and out?) instead of being pretty sharply separate like they mostly were a year ago. And the latest development seems to be that the kids are spending more time blended together? The last thing I think I’ve noticed – though I could be wrong – is that Red Dress Lady has kind of mellowed or softened a bit? Maybe still insisting that everything is fine, but less likely to say that all of you are bad? : Tonight we went to the bookstore and got some good books and ordered a : new one. And then we got coffee hot chocolate (well mocha latte, but : the kids call it coffee hot chocolate:) with whipped cream!!!! : And we found a real scary book about people like us and we think we : aren’t going to be able to read it alone and have to read it in : therapy. This is real weird for us!! It is called ‘I Never Told : Anyone’ by Ellen Bass. Maybe we shouldn’t read it? all the kids Hi kids! Glad you had fun at the bookstore. I like those kind of coffee drinks too. I don’t like those kind of scary books but some others do. Byebye. – C — Pope C the Anonymous "Candide is dead. Pollyanna shot him." – Babs Woods
– I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
Response:
Ok, I’m doing a sort of reality check/experiment here. You will note this is Tuesday, so of course this has to do with my latest therapy session… What I’m wondering is… has anyone noticed any changes in me or my system (or anyone in particular in my system) over time? Like the past six months or so, or since you personally ‘met’ me?
you mean besides the fact that several of you have merged and now almost always speak with one voice? or besides the fact that you are much more able to tolerate ambiguity and sometimes come up with an ambiguous response yourself? or besides the fact that you actually know what it means to feel? or besides the fact that you can label the feelings that go with your behaviors? nah… :) I’m asking for several reasons, to convince the one inside who is thinking of quiting therapy to not do so, to figure out what has changed over time (my SO is convinced things have changed for me, especially in the past four to six months, but he can’t be specific), and to see if I’m ‘cured’ yet (*grin* not really the last one!) I talked to my therapist about all of this. He says thinking about me being ‘cured’ is great for his ego
As usual lately, I just had one of those sessions from h*ll. They may be therapeutic and growth inducing but they really SUCK! I’ve gotten
oh boy oh boy oh boy do they *ever*! and we just arranged to see ours daily individually plus group for the week after the semester ends….gah!!! *ulp* :/ to the point where I do that feeling junk without the use of hypnosis or anything at all! ARGH Doesn’t help that my therapist seems to know just how to say things to get it going, and once he does it and I feel my ‘walls’ going up he manages to get past them and do it again!!!! Of course he stops when I tell him too
so how do *you* stop? we’ve been losing the ability to just shut them off, and are getting caught in the tidal waves. therapist tries to get us to get them to stop at that point, and sometimes we can’t seem to cooperate with her…or maybe sometimes the feelings say: we are being told to go away because we are bad and we just want to be able to be and to be held, but that isn’t going to happen, but we wantitwantitwantit and they refuse to go away :( (the feelings are saying that [not in words, really], not some alter(s) who are having the feelings) So, I’ve noticed I’ve been pretty spacey this past week, losing little bits of time again, and generally feeling more unplugged from the world. This is a sign that things are getting too intense and we have to back off for a week in therapy. Ok, so we did and it didn’t help! Even just talking about ‘normal’ stuff was too intense today. I think I’ve gotten past some stuck point or whatever with feelings (anyone know how to re-stick them?) Jill
yeah, how?!!!? I just know this means the next step is coming… trudge, trudge, trudge… ARGH. If this keeps happening I’m going to start having serious parties each time I’m ready for a new step. I’m used to taking a step, standing around admiring the scenery for afew months and then going on. This new step every three to four weeks is tiring *puff puff* Lora
trudge? we wish! it’s more like *caroom* *smash*! *caroom* Tonight we went to the bookstore and got some good books and ordered a new one. And then we got coffee hot chocolate (well mocha latte, but the kids call it coffee hot chocolate:) with whipped cream!!!! And we found a real scary book about people like us and we think we aren’t going to be able to read it alone and have to read it in therapy. This is real weird for us!! It is called ‘I Never Told Anyone’ by Ellen Bass. Maybe we shouldn’t read it? all the kids
dunno cuz dunno how you are reading stuff. maybe ask your therapist? Rainbow Colors (Jill, Lora, and the kids)
astri #AKA pink bunnies# `o’_* |/(((( |/ All conditions are temporary — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Ok, I’m doing a sort of reality check/experiment here. You will note this is Tuesday, so of course this has to do with my latest therapy session… What I’m wondering is… has anyone noticed any changes in me or my system (or anyone in particular in my system) over time? Like the past six months or so, or since you personally ‘met’ me? I’m asking for several reasons, to convince the one inside who is thinking of quiting therapy to not do so, to figure out what has changed over time (my SO is convinced things have changed for me, especially in the past four to six months, but he can’t be specific), and to see if I’m ‘cured’ yet (*grin* not really the last one!) I talked to my therapist about all of this. He says thinking about me being ‘cured’ is great for his ego As usual lately, I just had one of those sessions from h*ll. They may be therapeutic and growth inducing but they really SUCK! I’ve gotten to the point where I do that feeling junk without the use of hypnosis or anything at all! ARGH Doesn’t help that my therapist seems to know just how to say things to get it going, and once he does it and I feel my ‘walls’ going up he manages to get past them and do it again!!!! Of course he stops when I tell him too So, I’ve noticed I’ve been pretty spacey this past week, losing little bits of time again, and generally feeling more unplugged from the world. This is a sign that things are getting too intense and we have to back off for a week in therapy. Ok, so we did and it didn’t help! Even just talking about ‘normal’ stuff was too intense today. I think I’ve gotten past some stuck point or whatever with feelings (anyone know how to re-stick them?) Jill I just know this means the next step is coming… trudge, trudge, trudge… ARGH. If this keeps happening I’m going to start having serious parties each time I’m ready for a new step. I’m used to taking a step, standing around admiring the scenery for afew months and then going on. This new step every three to four weeks is tiring *puff puff* Lora Tonight we went to the bookstore and got some good books and ordered a new one. And then we got coffee hot chocolate (well mocha latte, but the kids call it coffee hot chocolate:) with whipped cream!!!! And we found a real scary book about people like us and we think we aren’t going to be able to read it alone and have to read it in therapy. This is real weird for us!! It is called ‘I Never Told Anyone’ by Ellen Bass. Maybe we shouldn’t read it? all the kids Rainbow Colors (Jill, Lora, and the kids) — I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
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