Question:
hi d. this is part of the recovery fellowship, an electronic bulletin board that just happens to cover the whole world, and not just the USA … you can find a recovery fellowship meeting in Moscow tonite if you want, just about any city in the world, you need a fellowship meeting, just look up in the paper or the phonebook for Alcoholic Anonymous … network into a meeting that fits for you. and go to it … see what happpens to your recovery just magically to hear what you need to hear. same for here – it happens rather magically. which is the nature of healing and the fellowship, in the system of things actually … as for the helping stuff vis a vis the problem … its better to talk solution vis a vis the problem instead of helping. as you speak so shall you become. you speak more accurately with the disease – the solution comes faster. or that has been my experience. recovery works best certain ways and if you want to get well there just are certain things you just have to do to get well. if you dont do them – you will not get well. its in the system of things again – or at least on this side of life. the old timers here, kaitlyn, biker babe, panther, spike and lots of others know about attractions and not promotions. knows about boundaries. has taken a fearless moral inventory and have nothing to hide. tis goes on and on. but this is part of recovery – there is a whole lot more. keep doing what you are doing d … you doing good. sumbuddie who cares :*) If this newsgroup, and what it’s *supposed* to stand for, is so awful, so dysfunctional, offers no help — why are there so many here, offering help, seeking to be heard, wanting a shoulder? And maybe, just maybe, if those who do come here (me included), would spend less time expounding on the problems, and focus more on what we *are* good at — helping each other — maybe the negative won’t be so prevalent. That’s what I’m going for…. peace, d
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Response:
Nicely Said!!!! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hi d. this is part of the recovery fellowship, an electronic bulletin board that just happens to cover the whole world, and not just the USA … you can find a recovery fellowship meeting in Moscow tonite if you want, just about any city in the world, you need a fellowship meeting, just look up in the paper or the phonebook for Alcoholic Anonymous … network into a meeting that fits for you. and go to it … see what happpens to your recovery just magically to hear what you need to hear. same for here – it happens rather magically. which is the nature of healing and the fellowship, in the system of things actually … as for the helping stuff vis a vis the problem … its better to talk solution vis a vis the problem instead of helping. as you speak so shall you become. you speak more accurately with the disease – the solution comes faster. or that has been my experience. recovery works best certain ways and if you want to get well there just are certain things you just have to do to get well. if you dont do them – you will not get well. its in the system of things again – or at least on this side of life. the old timers here, kaitlyn, biker babe, panther, spike and lots of others know about attractions and not promotions. knows about boundaries. has taken a fearless moral inventory and have nothing to hide. tis goes on and on. but this is part of recovery – there is a whole lot more. keep doing what you are doing d … you doing good. sumbuddie who cares :*) If this newsgroup, and what it’s *supposed* to stand for, is so awful, so dysfunctional, offers no help — why are there so many here, offering help, seeking to be heard, wanting a shoulder? And maybe, just maybe, if those who do come here (me included), would spend less time expounding on the problems, and focus more on what we *are* good at — helping each other — maybe the negative won’t be so prevalent. That’s what I’m going for…. peace, d —–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! —–== Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–
Response:
Just catching up on my reading here after riding in from the north country and lots of planting etc. Panther
ur gud babe, ur real good sumbuddie duex amor panther kitty :*) —–= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =—– http://www.newsfeeds.com – The #1 Newsgroup Service in the World! —–== Over 80,000 Newsgroups – 16 Different Servers! =—–
Response:
x-no-archive:yes If this newsgroup, and what it’s *supposed* to stand for, is so awful, so dysfunctional, offers no help — why are there so many here, offering help, seeking to be heard, wanting a shoulder?
i don’t come here so much anymore for anything more than chat. i do share what is going on w/ me, but i don’t really have expectations about what will come back to me anymore. i usually get replies to my posts either here or lots of times in email. but……. i don’t expect anything. i basically only share the surface stuff here anymore. not because most folks here would use it in a harmful way, but because a few would. And maybe, just maybe, if those who do come here (me included), would spend less time expounding on the problems, and focus more on what we *are* good at — helping each other — maybe the negative won’t be so prevalent.
oh yuck, you mean get out of self? yikes what an idea!!!! That’s what I’m going for…. peace, d
polly wog
Response:
Hi Annelies, Hello, and sorry to break in…
No problem, and no need to apologize. [...] i think this describes what alot of us feel. i mailed this to myself, because it is so true…..mostly i don’t even think i am having a high standard for myself.Lately my thrpst is pointing that oout for me. i see it as some way to proof myself. Perfection is the only way someone ever wants to contact me, and then too i am far the lesser person. When i make one little mistake, there is this huge panic that i will loose it, and that everyonee can see what a stupid person i really am. Yes, and to a certain level there is this ‘knowledge’ that the idea is false, but when i try to think it there is this total hate towards myself coming up. Then there is this urgent need to make myself be gone, or just hurt myself, see me bleed.
Yes, I understand that. For me, it comes up as a deep depression, which tells me that life is completely meaningless and without hope. And when I’m not depressed there is the more subtle form of slow death, the need to hide myself from everyone, the compulsion towards secrecy, the need to pretend that I don’t exist. And my bf tries to be good but when he says that i’m pretty or sweet or whatever i totally attack him, which is so unfair because he is really really a sweet person with a lot of patience.
This too sounds familiar. I don’t attack when I’m complimented, I just try to hide or to escape. — ht — And if life is just a highway — then the soul is just a car, And objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are.
Response:
Hello, and sorry to break in…
: H Tempest, : hi my friend, : : I know I cannot expect the answers to my past to be found in others, but : I : thought I would pose this question here in the hope that maybe someone : has : been through or heard of a similar circumstance. : : It is a big deal to me although it might be a small question – Why did my : mother hate me from the day I was born but did not hate my male siblings? : Her hatred did not seem to be of all her children only her daughter – I : have : sort of played with the idea of jealousy on her part – but I don’t know : if : that answers my question. : : I don’t think that this is a small question, but it may be that : there is no good answer. I know what you are feeling; I’ve been : through the same myself. My father treated me very differently : from the way that he treated my sister. She got the verbal abuse, : but she didn’t have to face the insanity. I think that ultimately : the problem must lie with the abuser, not with the victim. There : may be a trait in the abused that may trigger the abuser’s actions, : but it is nothing more than that, a trait, a trigger. : yep, I see that now. : : I know that is very hard to accept. I have a hard time accepting : it myself. I too feel at a very deep level that I am deeply flawed, : that I must have been terribly flawed, a major disappointment, to : have been singled out as the subject of so much extreme punishment. : I know consciously that this is false, but my deepest feelings tell me : that it is true, that I am less than perfect, that only perfection : is acceptable for me, and that I am the only person who needs to be : held to such a high standard. i think this describes what alot of us feel. i mailed this to myself, because it is so true…..mostly i don’t even think i am having a high standard for myself.Lately my thrpst is pointing that oout for me. i see it as some way to proof myself. Perfection is the only way someone ever wants to contact me, and then too i am far the lesser person. When i make one little mistake, there is this huge panic that i will loose it, and that everyonee can see what a stupid person i really am. Yes, and to a certain level there is this ‘knowledge’ that the idea is false, but when i try to think it there is this total hate towards myself coming up. Then there is this urgent need to make myself be gone, or just hurt myself, see me bleed. And my bf tries to be good but when he says that i’m pretty or sweet or whatever i totally attack him, which is so unfair because he is really really a sweet person with a lot of patience. : You know exactly how I feel sometimes. I don’t feel special or good enough : etc etc. I hope that one day, we can get past these feelings. Yes…..i do hope that some day there will be some kind of peace about ourselves. Annelies : : — ht : — : And if life is just a highway — then the soul is just a car, : And objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are. : : — : Tempestuous : – - – - – : Life is a roller coaster, what goes up must come down. : — : For more information about this posting service, contact: : If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: : http://asarian-host.org/emailform.html — "And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming Or the mourning of truth in your lies When everything feels like in the movies Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive" Goo Goo Dolls- Iris
Response:
Well just in the emotional immaturity of it Temp – your mom would do that to any female child born to her. In this case – it was you who was born in there. Your mom was abused, shame based, likely incested on … and you would be competition in the Beast mode of it on many levels. When a dog snaps at another one for the food – they snap at anyone – they would even do it to you in that same circumstance. Some dogs can be gently shaped to not do that to you – but will growl and get ready to kill any other dog who dares. PTSD and mood alterning behaviours like this can run deep and last decades – some go to their death beds with it. sumbuddie said dis – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I know I cannot expect the answers to my past to be found in others, but I thought I would pose this question here in the hope that maybe someone has been through or heard of a similar circumstance. It is a big deal to me although it might be a small question – Why did my mother hate me from the day I was born but did not hate my male siblings? Her hatred did not seem to be of all her children only her daughter – I have sort of played with the idea of jealousy on her part – but I don’t know if that answers my question. — Tempestuous – - – - – Life is a roller coaster, what goes up must come down — For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: http://asarian-host.org/emailform.html
Response:
H Tempest, I know I cannot expect the answers to my past to be found in others, but I thought I would pose this question here in the hope that maybe someone has been through or heard of a similar circumstance. It is a big deal to me although it might be a small question – Why did my mother hate me from the day I was born but did not hate my male siblings? Her hatred did not seem to be of all her children only her daughter – I have sort of played with the idea of jealousy on her part – but I don’t know if that answers my question.
I don’t think that this is a small question, but it may be that there is no good answer. I know what you are feeling; I’ve been through the same myself. My father treated me very differently from the way that he treated my sister. She got the verbal abuse, but she didn’t have to face the insanity. I think that ultimately the problem must lie with the abuser, not with the victim. There may be a trait in the abused that may trigger the abuser’s actions, but it is nothing more than that, a trait, a trigger. I know that is very hard to accept. I have a hard time accepting it myself. I too feel at a very deep level that I am deeply flawed, that I must have been terribly flawed, a major disappointment, to have been singled out as the subject of so much extreme punishment. I know consciously that this is false, but my deepest feelings tell me that it is true, that I am less than perfect, that only perfection is acceptable for me, and that I am the only person who needs to be held to such a high standard. — ht — And if life is just a highway — then the soul is just a car, And objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are.
Response:
I know I cannot expect the answers to my past to be found in others, but I thought I would pose this question here in the hope that maybe someone has been through or heard of a similar circumstance. It is a big deal to me although it might be a small question – Why did my mother hate me from the day I was born but did not hate my male siblings? Her hatred did not seem to be of all her children only her daughter – I have sort of played with the idea of jealousy on her part – but I don’t know if that answers my question. (snip)
My mother hated both her daughters and her sons, but differently. She abused all of us, and allowed my older brother to verbally abuse us in her presence, and scolded us whenever we stood up for ourselves. I think my Mom hates herself, and truly believes that we have to accept whatever abuse a man levels at us, short of physical violence. To me, there is no difference between physical and emotional violence. Since she saw her daughters as female extensions of herself, she passed that attitude and brutality to us. As for competition, I don’t think my Mom saw us that way. My best friend has that problem, though. Her Mom blatantly competes for the limelight and presents. It’s pretty damn sad to watch. Don’t know if this helps. YMMV. — Janine "Being depressed is tantamount to having a large label on your head, which reads ‘I do not have my head up my arse! I know what’s going on in my life and it sucks!’ " – Nick, alt.life.sucks
Response:
hey tempestuous, I wish I had an answer for you. I can imagine there might be a lot of anger & hurt stemming from that. I understand the need to find an answer. I have sought foir them for so long. I wonder if there is an "answer". lots of warmth & caring tempestuous polly wog
I know I cannot expect the answers to my past to be found in others, but I thought I would pose this question here in the hope that maybe someone has been through or heard of a similar circumstance. It is a big deal to me although it might be a small question – Why did my mother hate me from the day I was born but did not hate my male siblings? Her hatred did not seem to be of all her children only her daughter – I have sort of played with the idea of jealousy on her part – but I don’t know if that answers my question. – Tempestuous - – - – - Life is a roller coaster, what goes up must come down – For more information about this posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: http://asarian-host.org/emailform.html and the greatest of these is love
Response:
Hi Tempestuous, I’m sorry your mother hated you. I don’t think there is any logical reason for a mother to hate any of her children. I would have to say she had something wrong with her. Not quite right, as they say. Any parent jealous of their own child, and especially acting on that jealousy, is just plain sick. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I know I cannot expect the answers to my past to be found in others, but I thought I would pose this question here in the hope that maybe someone has been through or heard of a similar circumstance. It is a big deal to me although it might be a small question – Why did my mother hate me from the day I was born but did not hate my male siblings? Her hatred did not seem to be of all her children only her daughter – I have sort of played with the idea of jealousy on her part – but I don’t know if that answers my question. — Tempestuous – - – - – Life is a roller coaster, what goes up must come down
– Be well. Sincerely, Michael Welsh Someone once said: What goes around comes around. Work like you don’t need the money. Love like you’ve never been hurt. Dance like nobody’s watching. Check out my Clan Lord related page at http://members.xoom.com/Monolith_CL/main.htm
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