Question:
"Shannon" <bfid…@aol.comnojunk> wrote in message
news:20020124080955.14354.00000322@mb-md.aol.com… > >Oh, yes. He is a dangerous man. A true predator. I can never let my guard > >down with him. > Well that just sucks!
I knew he was a sicko, but I didn’t know he’d use violence on me. The stories I heard *after* would have given me a different decision *before*. > >Whenever I’m downtown, where this guy lives, I develop an anticipatory > >vigilance, and I have small panic reactions if I catch sight of anyone who > >looks anything like this guy. If I see someone who closely resembles him, > >anywhere, I also have the panic reaction. > That’s understandable, I think I may even know how you feel.
I know it’s just my body protecting me. I don’t like being triggered, but I have some control over how triggered I get. > >Last night, no panic. Only slight anticipatory anxiety, but no panic > >reaction. I also dreamed about him last night, but it wasn’t a nightmare. > Progress!!!
Oh, yes. Being proactive is a big part of it. (And maybe taking Rhodiola helps too.) > >Oh, he’s stewing over it. No doubt about it. > How bout’ you? Any chance you can change scenery? You know what, forget I said > that, you shouldn’t have to! > Shannon
You’re right, I shouldn’g have to. However, that realization should not stand in the way of my deciding to change scenery. There’s no real reason to link those two thoughts. I have the right to control my environment. As it happens, I did move, though that was because my landlord pumped up my rent by $350 (after I beat him in court three times for not heating the place properly). It is a safer environment for me, being 15 miles out of the small city that the shit happened in. I didn’t run away, but I am away. In fact, it was my experience with changing scenery that led me to suggest it to you. Lar
Response:
"bluemoon" <s…@what.com> wrote: > I must always keep in the front of my mind the idea >that I acted, rather than re-acted. I think that is a key piece to my >puzzle.
Being the one in control always feels much better than being the one who has to react to situations. Glad you could take care of yourself and stay safe. Risa She doesn’t have the art of conversation but unfortunately she retained the power of speech.
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>I still want to go to the prison and question that guy. >I don’t feel like I have closure.
Bad idea Shannon. As long as the first robber thinks someone else has been convicted for his crime, you’re safe. Your best bet is to go to the prosecutor, up the chain of command until you get someone who will listen to you. Best not to go to the prison at all. If you really need to get information from the convicted man, write a letter. Risa You should never say anything to a woman to even remotely suggest you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
Response:
F*@k it! I’m just going to hide out until I can get the hell out of here, start over. My intention was never to have the first guy found. I just wanted my sanity that the two were not the same as everyone seems to believe. Been getting triggered a lot, under some stress. Watching my nieces while their parents are in Mexico and having to drive into town every day to take one to school, running into people I’d rather not. Add the little boy I babysit for and the last few days I’ve had 4 kids under 6 running around the house, a crazy cat, and a teenager. Shannon
Response:
Congratulations Larry…….that was a really brave thing to do. I’d like to comment more but I’m having a bit of trouble with words lately……they don’t come to me…….but I did want to let you know that I appreciate your progress, keep up the good work. td "Larry Hoover" <larryhoo…@sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:KhL38.10600$bu6.2693112@news20.bellglobal.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> About 16 months ago, I got beaten up by a drunk I was trying to help. The > trial, and the anniversary of the assault, coming as they did just before > the events of 9/11, really spun me out. I thought I was going to lose my > mind, and I think I nearly did. > Somehow, I’m learning how to be more resilient. Cognitive therapy has really > helped me, and my social supports have grown stronger after years of effort. > Maybe there’s more to it. I don’t know. > I got what you might call a restraining order against my assailant, but I > heard that he was frequenting a place that I used to go all the time, but I > haven’t felt much like doing that because of the assault. And I thought, > "Why should I change my life for him?". So, I put a copy of the bond in my > pocket (in case the police were needed), and went there. The guy acted like > I wasn’t there. Wrong response. I told him if he didn’t leave, he was going > to get arrested, and he left. I stayed, and had a good time. > I’m surprised at how calmly I’m taking this. I hope I’m not stuffing > something. I do feel empowered. > Larry
Response:
"Shannon" <ah…@aol.comnojunk> wrote in message
news:20020124233840.09537.00000482@mb-ch.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> F*@k it! > I’m just going to hide out until I can get the hell out of here, start over. > My intention was never to have the first guy found. I just wanted my sanity > that the two were not the same as everyone seems to believe. > Been getting triggered a lot, under some stress. Watching my nieces while their > parents are in Mexico and having to drive into town every day to take one to > school, running into people I’d rather not. Add the little boy I babysit for > and the last few days I’ve had 4 kids under 6 running around the house, a crazy > cat, and a teenager. > Shannon
My sympathies Shannon, 
hang in there, td
Response:
Larry and Shannon What I have read of your posts is down right frightening .( also triggering as these are some of my nightmare themes. I just wanted to let you know that I think you guys are doing extremely well considering. Wish i could be more of a support. Best helski
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Hi Helski, Thanks. I’m sorry to trigger anyone, I will put warnings from now on. Shannon – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Larry and Shannon >What I have read of your posts is down right frightening .( also triggering >as these are some of my nightmare themes. >I just wanted to let you know that I think you guys are doing extremely well >considering. >Wish i could be more of a support. >Best >helski
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Hi Tiny, I’m trying. You’ve been quiet lately, everything ok? Shannon – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->My sympathies Shannon, hang in there, >td
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"tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:CY548.74943$n81.19057674@typhoon.southeast.rr.com… > Congratulations Larry…….that was a really brave thing to do. I’d like > to comment more but I’m having a bit of trouble with words lately……they > don’t come to me…….but I did want to let you know that I appreciate your > progress, keep up the good work. > td
Thanks, td. I’ve been processing the fact you called me brave. Surprisingly, that didn’t occur to me. I felt a sense of obligation, to do the "right" thing. In hindsight, bravery seems to describe it. Where was that feeling? Hmmm…..
Response:
"Shannon" <ah…@aol.comnojunk> wrote in message
news:20020125120855.17821.00000724@mb-dh.aol.com… > Hi Tiny, > I’m trying. > You’ve been quiet lately, everything ok? > Shannon
Very depressed……..can’t seem to snap out of it ever since ‘the war’ of the ng’s. Feel lost and alone much of the time and have periods of just not wanting to go on anymore. td – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >My sympathies Shannon, hang in there, > >td
Response:
"Larry Hoover" <larryhoo…@sympatico.ca> wrote in message
news:1Mg48.14432$Ii5.3803775@news20.bellglobal.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "tiny dancer" <tinydancer…@hotmail.com> wrote in message > news:CY548.74943$n81.19057674@typhoon.southeast.rr.com… > > Congratulations Larry…….that was a really brave thing to do. I’d like > > to comment more but I’m having a bit of trouble with words > lately……they > > don’t come to me…….but I did want to let you know that I appreciate > your > > progress, keep up the good work. > > td > Thanks, td. I’ve been processing the fact you called me brave. Surprisingly, > that didn’t occur to me. I felt a sense of obligation, to do the "right" > thing. In hindsight, bravery seems to describe it. Where was that feeling? > Hmmm…..
I think I noticed it in you because a few years ago I had a spurt of it in myself…..;-) I’d reached a point in my therapy where I realized I was afraid of basically everything. This was when I still managed to go away from my safety of home. We were at the beach with the kids for a week, staying in a condo….which is about the only way I can do it. Find a place that I can make my home away from home, you know……it’s more like a home than a hotel or something. Bedrooms, living room, kitchen……etc. So once I ’settle in’ and make it my new ’somewhat safe’ place I could do ‘okay’. Anyway, we were at the Outer Banks and visited an aquarium there. They had touch tanks…….with sea life in them that one could touch, feel….etc. There was this big ugly looking thing…..think it was called a horseshoe crab. There were a few other people and children looking into this same particular aquarium beside us. I heard the men from this other group discussing ‘picking up’ the horseshoe crab. There were displayed instructions on how to go about either touching or picking up the different creatures. Neither of the men wanted to have any part of touching that particular creature……..naturally the kids wouldn’t ‘touch it’ either. Something just came over me……it was like…….’damn, I’m afraid of everything in the world!’ Right then and there I knew I just ‘had to’ pick up that damn crab. So I read the instructions carefully…..stuck my hands into the water and picked that sucker up. Needless to say….my hubby and kids nearly fainted to see mom picking up the ugliest looking thing in that tank. And I sure showed those men from the other group! As we were leaving hubby asked me ‘why’ I did it?? I said……’ I didn’t really know except I was so tired of being terrified by everything in life., I just had to prove to myself I could do something that others were afraid to do.’ Hope that kind of explains my thought process as to my choice of the word brave……….I think sometimes we just have to do something just to prove to ourselves that we ‘can.’ Best wishes, td
Response:
ah…@aol.comnojunk (Shannon) wrote in message <news:20020124010308.17833.00000431@mb-dh.aol.com>… > and suddenly this guy is much taller and about 100 lbs. heavier. But what sent > me off the deep end was his eyes were brown.
If it were only his eyes that was different I would tell you about my eyes – they change color. They can be grey, blue, green, brown and even abit of yellow near the centre from time to time. My Pdoc has been so fascinated that he checks them from time to time and agrees with me that they correspond closely with whatever I am wearing. I have hazel written on my passport but got stopped by a customs agent in Egypt who asked me what hazel meant – when I said grey, he looked at me and said ‘but your eyes are blue’….suddenly had visions of a longer vacation in Egypt 
So if you’re wondering about it only over the eyes – then there’s always that possibility that he’s eyes could be like mine. Maybe…just a possibility. chech View the AST-PTSD FAQ @ http://astpfaq.tripod.com/astpfaq/
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trigger trigger trigger @ @ @ @ @ @ 2 @ Hi. well about 10yrs ago my dad my abuser conforted me, is that weird or what? but he had a lot otf why’s to what he did this and that, that part made me very angary still mad about that. cathy "cloud dreamer" <CloudDream…@excite.ca> wrote in message
news:cfcdfd7a.0201251941.5dfe9eb8@posting.google.com… > ah…@aol.comnojunk (Shannon) wrote in message
<news:20020124010308.17833.00000431@mb-dh.aol.com>… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > and suddenly this guy is much taller and about 100 lbs. heavier. But what sent > > me off the deep end was his eyes were brown. > If it were only his eyes that was different I would tell you about my > eyes – they change color. They can be grey, blue, green, brown and > even abit of yellow near the centre from time to time. My Pdoc has > been so fascinated that he checks them from time to time and agrees > with me that they correspond closely with whatever I am wearing. > I have hazel written on my passport but got stopped by a customs agent > in Egypt who asked me what hazel meant – when I said grey, he looked > at me and said ‘but your eyes are blue’….suddenly had visions of a > longer vacation in Egypt > So if you’re wondering about it only over the eyes – then there’s > always that possibility that he’s eyes could be like mine. > Maybe…just a possibility. > chech > View the AST-PTSD FAQ @ http://astpfaq.tripod.com/astpfaq/
Response:
>> So if you’re wondering about it only over the eyes – then there’s >> always that possibility that he’s eyes could be like mine. >> Maybe…just a possibility. >> chech
My own eyes can look blue or green. But I have never heard of someone with the palest of blue eyes go to brown, without colored lenses.
Response:
>Oh, yes. He is a dangerous man. A true predator. I can never let my guard >down with him.
Well that just sucks! >Whenever I’m downtown, where this guy lives, I develop an anticipatory >vigilance, and I have small panic reactions if I catch sight of anyone who >looks anything like this guy. If I see someone who closely resembles him, >anywhere, I also have the panic reaction.
That’s understandable, I think I may even know how you feel. >Last night, no panic. Only slight anticipatory anxiety, but no panic >reaction. I also dreamed about him last night, but it wasn’t a nightmare.
Progress!!! >Oh, he’s stewing over it. No doubt about it.
How bout’ you? Any chance you can change scenery? You know what, forget I said that, you shouldn’t have to! Shannon
Response:
"Shannon" <bfid…@aol.comnojunk> wrote in message
news:20020124080102.14354.00000319@mb-md.aol.com… > Hi Larry, > >A hundred pounds difference (higher) *after* being shot and > >hospitalized….it has to be a different man, contacts or not. > Yep, Uh huh. I’ve tried to rationalize it. > Even the eye color change. > >There’s a really good chance that the guy took off *because* you got a > >good look at him. However, before he left, he probably shared his story > >about his excellent haul with other crooked people, and one of them wanted > >to cash in on the bounty (but got caught). > I think that’s exactly what happened!
OK. So this is a sensible scenario. The first bad guy left town. Can you use this rationalization when you get one of those "checking every man you see" feelings? > >Do you think that changing locations might help, by removing some of the > >familiar scenery? > Yes, but I’m stuck here for awhile. > One more year of High School left for my kid and the plan is to move on.
That sounds reasonable. > Until then I feel like I’m the one stuck in prison.
That sucks. > Like I said it’s a small town, I still have people come up to me and ask me > about the incident or totally turn away because they can’t handle it. I also > have flashbacks when I see the police and I’m holding a pretty big attitude > against them.
Maybe it would help to take another look at your beliefs around the police activity. What more could they have been realistically expected to do, especially given that it’s a small town (i.e. few real resources available). > The guy that was shot and arrested, he was charged with 8 counts.
It’s pretty standard to pile up as many charges as they can, and then let him plead to the ones they know they could nail his ass to (maybe just the one he got shot over). > How come they won’t tell me if he denied any of the charges? I asked. I got > shuttled out, no answers. Told me I was traumatized! That I needed to forget > about it.
To me that’s just evidence of poor people skills on the part of your local police representatives. You could get the guy’s name, and write him, in prison. You wouldn’t have to visit him. Just use somebody else’s address for the letter, or make it c/o your local postmaster. I’m sure that the convictions would be a matter of public record. Instead of asking the police, have you asked the court? You’re a party to the crime. I think you have a right to know. The court clerk should be able to tell you the disposition of the case(s). > He ended up pleading guilty instead of going to trial. I’m sure they cut him a > better deal.
But only after they trumped up the other charges. That lets the police look like they cleared the other charges, even though they didn’t. Maybe if you pushed for more information, and got it, you’d feel better about the situation? Lar
Response:
About 16 months ago, I got beaten up by a drunk I was trying to help. The trial, and the anniversary of the assault, coming as they did just before the events of 9/11, really spun me out. I thought I was going to lose my mind, and I think I nearly did. Somehow, I’m learning how to be more resilient. Cognitive therapy has really helped me, and my social supports have grown stronger after years of effort. Maybe there’s more to it. I don’t know. I got what you might call a restraining order against my assailant, but I heard that he was frequenting a place that I used to go all the time, but I haven’t felt much like doing that because of the assault. And I thought, "Why should I change my life for him?". So, I put a copy of the bond in my pocket (in case the police were needed), and went there. The guy acted like I wasn’t there. Wrong response. I told him if he didn’t leave, he was going to get arrested, and he left. I stayed, and had a good time. I’m surprised at how calmly I’m taking this. I hope I’m not stuffing something. I do feel empowered. Larry
Response:
Hi Larry! That’s great. I’m glad for you! But just because I care about you I have to ask, Do you see this guy as an actual threat? I just hope this sicko isn’t stewing over it, that maybe he’s learned a lesson. Just watch your back ok! Shannon
Response:
Ok, here goes my dilemma.(long) I was robbed at gunpoint by a masked intruder while closing the store I worked in. The robbery took 20 mins because of the large amount of cash($30,000). I also had problems opening the safe and a back door he escaped through which added to the time. I got a good look at this guy. His eyes were blue, I took special notice because they were an unusual pale blue that my grandmother also had. I also stood beside him and compared our sizes. He was not much bigger than my son who is 5"9 and weighs 160. I gave my description to the police. 3 months later, same scenerio. I explained this before, but a cop was in the store, locked in with us, but neither was aware of the other. I didn’t have a chance to look at the robber close, I practically dragged him to the safe and gave him the money, and then tried to buy time to alert the cop. When we emerged out of the safe room, we were confronted by the cop and a shootout took place. I managed to throw myself under the lottery machine. That is where police pulled me out of afterwards and carried me out. The robber was shot 4 times, he lived. I went to his arraingment many months later where he was wheeled in. He was accused of many other area robberies, including the first robbery and my testimony was not needed but a year later when his trial began, I showed up. He was now standing on crutches. What bugged me was I again got a good look at him and suddenly this guy is much taller and about 100 lbs. heavier. But what sent me off the deep end was his eyes were brown. I went to the cops. They don’t want to hear it. They got a guy, they think I’m in shock. I asked them if he wore any colored contacts and they assured me they didn’t think so. I have never believed it to be the same guy. The guy that they arrested is doing 40 years. I have wanted to go to the prison and confront him. I live in a very small town and I think the first guy is out there. It is part of my panic attacks, I have to look into every guys eyes because I swore I would not forget them. I feel like he knows who I am which adds to the paranoia. I don’t think he would harm me but I think the cops made a mistake and this guys walking around whistling dixie. I still want to go to the prison and question that guy. I don’t feel like I have closure. Any opinions welcome. Shannon
Response:
"Shannon" <ah…@aol.comnojunk> wrote in message
news:20020124001954.17837.00000233@mb-dh.aol.com… > Hi Larry! > That’s great. I’m glad for you! > But just because I care about you I have to ask, > Do you see this guy as an actual threat?
Oh, yes. He is a dangerous man. A true predator. I can never let my guard down with him. What I feel is most remarkable about what I was able to do is the contrast between last night, and my experiences over the last 16 months or so. Whenever I’m downtown, where this guy lives, I develop an anticipatory vigilance, and I have small panic reactions if I catch sight of anyone who looks anything like this guy. If I see someone who closely resembles him, anywhere, I also have the panic reaction. Last night, no panic. Only slight anticipatory anxiety, but no panic reaction. I also dreamed about him last night, but it wasn’t a nightmare. I had told some friends of mine that I was planning to confront him, and they were present "just in case", but it never took on any sort of character like I needed backup. It was comforting to have others around, though. Just sitting there, watching. I just calmly told him that if he didn’t leave immediately, the police would be called. > I just hope this sicko isn’t stewing over it, that maybe he’s learned a lesson. > Just watch your back ok!
Oh, he’s stewing over it. No doubt about it. > Shannon
Thanks for your concern. Larry
Response:
"Shannon" <ah…@aol.comnojunk> wrote in message
news:20020124010308.17833.00000431@mb-dh.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Ok, here goes my dilemma.(long) > I was robbed at gunpoint by a masked intruder while closing the store I worked > in. > The robbery took 20 mins because of the large amount of cash($30,000). I also > had problems opening the safe and a back door he escaped through which added to > the time. > I got a good look at this guy. > His eyes were blue, I took special notice because they were an unusual pale > blue that my grandmother also had. I also stood beside him and compared our > sizes. He was not much bigger than my son who is 5"9 and weighs 160. > I gave my description to the police. > 3 months later, same scenerio. I explained this before, but a cop was in the > store, locked in with us, but neither was aware of the other. I didn’t have a > chance to look at the robber close, I practically dragged him to the safe and > gave him the money, and then tried to buy time to alert the cop. > When we emerged out of the safe room, we were confronted by the cop and a > shootout took place. I managed to throw myself under the lottery machine. That > is where police pulled me out of afterwards and carried me out. The robber was > shot 4 times, he lived. I went to his arraingment many months later where he > was wheeled in. > He was accused of many other area robberies, including the first robbery and my > testimony was not needed but a year later when his trial began, I showed up. He > was now standing on crutches. What bugged me was I again got a good look at him > and suddenly this guy is much taller and about 100 lbs. heavier. But what sent > me off the deep end was his eyes were brown.
It’s possible that two different men robbed you, isn’t it? Laying the first robbery on the wrong guy wouldn’t change anything except the cop’s arrest record, ya know? One more case cleared? I’m sure that’s why they don’t give a shit. If the second guy was shot, he’s never left custody in the meantime. So, he surely was the second robber. > I went to the cops. They don’t want to hear it. They got a guy, they think I’m > in shock. > I asked them if he wore any colored contacts and they assured me they didn’t > think so. I have never believed it to be the same guy. The guy that they > arrested is doing 40 years. I have wanted to go to the prison and confront
him. > I live in a very small town and I think the first guy is out there.
Sounds for sure like there is a second guy. I guess I misunderstood the first time I read your message. > It is part > of my panic attacks, I have to look into every guys eyes because I swore I > would not forget them. I feel like he knows who I am which adds to the > paranoia. I don’t think he would harm me but I think the cops made a mistake > and this guys walking around whistling dixie.
A hundred pounds difference (higher) *after* being shot and hospitalized….it has to be a different man, contacts or not. > I still want to go to the prison and question that guy. > I don’t feel like I have closure. > Any opinions welcome. > Shannon
The bottom line is that it is the "not knowing" that has you upset, isn’t it? There’s a really good chance that the guy took off *because* you got a good look at him. However, before he left, he probably shared his story about his excellent haul with other crooked people, and one of them wanted to cash in on the bounty (but got caught). Do you think that changing locations might help, by removing some of the familiar scenery? I’m not sure that I have any ideas to help you, right now. I’m certainly going to think about it some more. All the best, Larry
Response:
"bluemoon" <s…@what.com> wrote in message
news:281v4ukdjuha45epbdmacj3jfqece4fuh1@4ax.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> On Wed, 23 Jan 2002 22:32:41 -0500, "Larry Hoover" > <larryhoo…@sympatico.ca> wrote: > >About 16 months ago, I got beaten up by a drunk I was trying to help. The > >trial, and the anniversary of the assault, coming as they did just before > >the events of 9/11, really spun me out. I thought I was going to lose my > >mind, and I think I nearly did. > >Somehow, I’m learning how to be more resilient. Cognitive therapy has really > >helped me, and my social supports have grown stronger after years of effort. > >Maybe there’s more to it. I don’t know. > >I got what you might call a restraining order against my assailant, but I > >heard that he was frequenting a place that I used to go all the time, but I > >haven’t felt much like doing that because of the assault. And I thought, > >"Why should I change my life for him?". So, I put a copy of the bond in my > >pocket (in case the police were needed), and went there. The guy acted like > >I wasn’t there. Wrong response. I told him if he didn’t leave, he was going > >to get arrested, and he left. I stayed, and had a good time. > >I’m surprised at how calmly I’m taking this. I hope I’m not stuffing > >something. I do feel empowered. > >Larry > Alright, Larry! I’m glad you were able to turn this into something > positive.
Thank you, very much. I must always keep in the front of my mind the idea that I acted, rather than re-acted. I think that is a key piece to my puzzle. Larry
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