Question:
"Spiritus" <spiri…@sanctus.org> wrote in message
news:300120020044299688%spiritus@sanctus.org… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> When I first developed sz at age 12 I was extremely psychotic and > finally my mother reluctantly got me into a hospital. She did her best > to ignore my symptoms. Anyway in an alcoholic household things are so > bizarre to begin with that me screaming, or crawling behind the toilet, > or any other of my miriad of symptoms could go relatively ignored. In a > normal household I would have recieved treatment immediately. My > mothers alcoholism cheated me of having any idea of what was wrong with > me untill I was 20 and got my own doctors who told me I had SZ, I then > ON MY OWN got treatment. This was after several severe psychotic > breaks. > During one of them my mother couldn’t stand me so she rented a house > and put me in it alone.. Once a week a hand came through the gate and > deposited a bag of groceries which I was too psychotic to prepair bye > and large. WHY!!!! wasn’t I put in a hospital? > My mother was so narcisistic and competative that if she couldn’t TOP > me, and when I was psychotic she couldn’t, her response was to ignore > me to death. > When I think of all the times I went through psychosis totally alone > with NO support, it makes me very angry, at that bitch. > SP
Spiritus, this is a real tragedy. I am sorry that this happened to you. The childhood relationship with our parents is so important. I think it effects our relationships with others thoughout our lives. Subconciously, we may seek out relationships which mimic those of our youth, good or bad. I hope you find as an adult, positive maternal relationships to replace those of your childhood. Jim
Response:
"jerasmus" <terra_pr…@earthfirst.org> wrote in message
news:Oud0o4hqBHA.1932@cpimsnntpa03… > Spiritus, this is a real tragedy. I am sorry that this happened to you. > The childhood relationship with our parents is so important. I think it > effects our relationships with others thoughout our lives. Subconciously, > we may seek out relationships which mimic those of our youth, good > or bad. I hope you find as an adult, positive maternal relationships to > replace those of your childhood. > Jim
I don’t think anything in life ever really compensates for the scars left behind from an abusive childhood. What upsets me is to see that SP still has so much bitterness about it. Many’s the time I would have liked to have given my own parents a piece of my mind or disowned them for what they did to me, but to what end? I don’t love them, never will. But I am very glad I don’t feel the bitterness any more, that is a consuming thing, and a futile emotion, because there is nothing you or I or anyone can do about the past. Bitterness wears you down ultimately, and I pity SP. It is not a pleasant feeling. I really hope one day he can learn to pity his mother for her inability to love her own son and the years of happiness they could have had together. Michelle
Response:
Sorry about your situation, if you had a mom like mine believe me I’m sorry for your situation. At least we’re not alone in this. SP In article <u5hh1eln5tf…@corp.supernews.com>, Asia – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<nether…@yahoo.com> wrote: > "Spiritus" <spiri…@sanctus.org> wrote in message > news:300120020044299688%spiritus@sanctus.org… > > When I first developed sz at age 12 I was extremely psychotic and > > finally my mother reluctantly got me into a hospital. She did her best > > to ignore my symptoms. Anyway in an alcoholic household things are so > > bizarre to begin with that me screaming, or crawling behind the toilet, > > or any other of my miriad of symptoms could go relatively ignored. In a > > normal household I would have recieved treatment immediately. My > > mothers alcoholism cheated me of having any idea of what was wrong with > > me untill I was 20 and got my own doctors who told me I had SZ, I then > > ON MY OWN got treatment. This was after several severe psychotic > > breaks. > > During one of them my mother couldn’t stand me so she rented a house > > and put me in it alone.. Once a week a hand came through the gate and > > deposited a bag of groceries which I was too psychotic to prepair bye > > and large. WHY!!!! wasn’t I put in a hospital? > I feel the same way. If I had two healthy parents I think they would of > actually noticed something was wrong with me. > > My mother was so narcisistic and competative that if she couldn’t TOP > > me, and when I was psychotic she couldn’t, her response was to ignore > > me to death. > Jesus, that sounds just like my mother! > > When I think of all the times I went through psychosis totally alone > > with NO support, it makes me very angry, at that bitch. > I feel the same way but my mother is also mentally ill so I am stuck > inbetween feeling like I can’t blame her and I want to blame her. > Asia > > SP
Response:
I think that trauma produces voices. I have seen it too clearly in my life. I blame Vietnam as my triggering event and I want it to be PTSD but the symptoms mesh together with schizophrenia. I guess one does not exclude the other…right? You could be schiz and have PTSD as well……. However…. Spiritus? With your continued and insistant declarations of your own experiances with the positive effects of meds and your belief that the cause is simply inate does..it really does..help me sometimes keep my feet on the ground and it really does help me to accept many of the others here. And to accept my own fraility. So…..be you for us. It does help. However again…..isn’t most sz originate from a triggering event? Obsessive love or a long argument at work or home or imagined guilt.. or something? Doesn’t something make it go "Boom"? Like Michell…and me…..and some others I believe. Damo
Response:
I understand Jim. Its ike a cue ball hitting a fresh rack of billiard balls. I think I could pick out "a few" possible triggering events myself. One of em though might be the dang cue ball. Obsessive love was mixed up in my rack too. Damo http://www.netword.com/Damodara’s.Passage http://community.webtv.net/damodara/MyStoryasIseeit
Response:
In article <22345-3C5B12E3…@storefull-613.iap.bryant.webtv.net>, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<damod…@webtv.net> wrote: > I think that trauma produces voices. > I have seen it too clearly in my life. > I blame Vietnam as my triggering event and I want it to be PTSD but the > symptoms mesh together with schizophrenia. I guess one does not exclude > the other…right? > You could be schiz and have PTSD as well……. > However…. > Spiritus? With your continued and insistant declarations of your own > experiances with the positive effects of meds and your belief that the > cause is simply inate does..it really does..help me sometimes keep my > feet on the ground and it really does help me to accept many of the > others here. And to accept my own fraility. > So…..be you for us. It does help. > However again…..isn’t most sz originate from a triggering event? > Obsessive love or a long argument at work or home or imagined guilt.. or > something? > Doesn’t something make it go "Boom"? > Like Michell…and me…..and some others I believe. > Damo
Mine came on on a sunny day in the middle of a school field trip to a beautiful old house in Florida called Viscaya. I’ve thought about this for years but I can recall not one trigger that set it off. No family discord, no drugs, no nothing. it just started one day. sp
Response:
> > However again…..isn’t most sz originate from a triggering event? > > Obsessive love or a long argument at work or home or imagined guilt.. or > > something? > > Doesn’t something make it go "Boom"? > > Like Michell…and me…..and some others I believe. > > Damo
Mine was triggered by obsessive love, a sonic boom, if you will, but there were so many triggering events as I look back. Real guilt, imagined guilt, loss of job, divorce. It’s hard to pin it down to one event, for me at least. Jim
Response:
In article <VW568.163$sU.44…@news6-win.server.ntlworld.com>, Contact – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -One <contact….@nowhere.com> wrote: > "jerasmus" <terra_pr…@earthfirst.org> wrote in message > news:Oud0o4hqBHA.1932@cpimsnntpa03… > > Spiritus, this is a real tragedy. I am sorry that this happened to you. > > The childhood relationship with our parents is so important. I think it > > effects our relationships with others thoughout our lives. Subconciously, > > we may seek out relationships which mimic those of our youth, good > > or bad. I hope you find as an adult, positive maternal relationships to > > replace those of your childhood. > > Jim > I don’t think anything in life ever really compensates for the scars left > behind from an abusive childhood. > What upsets me is to see that SP still has so much bitterness about it. > Many’s the time I would have liked to have given my own parents a piece of > my mind or disowned them for what they did to me, but to what end? > I don’t love them, never will. But I am very glad I don’t feel the > bitterness any more, that is a consuming thing, and a futile emotion, > because there is nothing you or I or anyone can do about the past. > Bitterness wears you down ultimately, and I pity SP. It is not a pleasant > feeling. I really hope one day he can learn to pity his mother for her > inability to love her own son and the years of happiness they could have had > together. > Michelle
I already do (pitty her or at least see the tragedy of her missing out on having a loving son) It was all her choice though. sp
Response:
Once upon a winter’s day, spiri…@sanctus.org put fingertips to keyboard and tap-tap-tapped out the following communication… > Except that I believe SZ is biological, I believe I would have gotten > it no matter what kind of household I lived in.
I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this one. — ‘Madness is the channel by which we receive the greatest blessings’ – Socrates Please reply to the newsgroups only
Response:
"Spiritus" <spiri…@sanctus.org> wrote in message
news:300120020044299688%spiritus@sanctus.org… > When I first developed sz at age 12 I was extremely psychotic and > finally my mother reluctantly got me into a hospital. She did her best > to ignore my symptoms. Anyway in an alcoholic household things are so > bizarre to begin with that me screaming, or crawling behind the toilet, > or any other of my miriad of symptoms could go relatively ignored. In a > normal household I would have recieved treatment immediately. My > mothers alcoholism cheated me of having any idea of what was wrong with > me untill I was 20 and got my own doctors who told me I had SZ, I then > ON MY OWN got treatment. This was after several severe psychotic > breaks. > During one of them my mother couldn’t stand me so she rented a house > and put me in it alone.. Once a week a hand came through the gate and > deposited a bag of groceries which I was too psychotic to prepair bye > and large. WHY!!!! wasn’t I put in a hospital?
I feel the same way. If I had two healthy parents I think they would of actually noticed something was wrong with me. > My mother was so narcisistic and competative that if she couldn’t TOP > me, and when I was psychotic she couldn’t, her response was to ignore > me to death.
Jesus, that sounds just like my mother! > When I think of all the times I went through psychosis totally alone > with NO support, it makes me very angry, at that bitch.
I feel the same way but my mother is also mentally ill so I am stuck inbetween feeling like I can’t blame her and I want to blame her. Asia – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> SP
Response:
In article <MPG.16c1dee1a4753691989…@news.colosseum.com>, <n…@spam.here> wrote: > Once upon a winter’s day, spiri…@sanctus.org put fingertips to > keyboard and tap-tap-tapped out the following communication… > > When I first developed sz at age 12 I was extremely psychotic and > > finally my mother reluctantly got me into a hospital. She did her best > > to ignore my symptoms. Anyway in an alcoholic household things are so > > bizarre to begin with that me screaming, or crawling behind the toilet, > > or any other of my miriad of symptoms could go relatively ignored. In a > > normal household I would have recieved treatment immediately. > In a non-abusive household you probably wouldn’t have needed ‘treatment’ > because in all likelihood your reactions to your surrounding would have > been quite different from what you are describing here.
Except that I believe SZ is biological, I believe I would have gotten it no matter what kind of household I lived in. SP
Response:
When I first developed sz at age 12 I was extremely psychotic and finally my mother reluctantly got me into a hospital. She did her best to ignore my symptoms. Anyway in an alcoholic household things are so bizarre to begin with that me screaming, or crawling behind the toilet, or any other of my miriad of symptoms could go relatively ignored. In a normal household I would have recieved treatment immediately. My mothers alcoholism cheated me of having any idea of what was wrong with me untill I was 20 and got my own doctors who told me I had SZ, I then ON MY OWN got treatment. This was after several severe psychotic breaks. During one of them my mother couldn’t stand me so she rented a house and put me in it alone.. Once a week a hand came through the gate and deposited a bag of groceries which I was too psychotic to prepair bye and large. WHY!!!! wasn’t I put in a hospital? My mother was so narcisistic and competative that if she couldn’t TOP me, and when I was psychotic she couldn’t, her response was to ignore me to death. When I think of all the times I went through psychosis totally alone with NO support, it makes me very angry, at that bitch. SP
Response:
Once upon a winter’s day, spiri…@sanctus.org put fingertips to keyboard and tap-tap-tapped out the following communication… > When I first developed sz at age 12 I was extremely psychotic and > finally my mother reluctantly got me into a hospital. She did her best > to ignore my symptoms. Anyway in an alcoholic household things are so > bizarre to begin with that me screaming, or crawling behind the toilet, > or any other of my miriad of symptoms could go relatively ignored. In a > normal household I would have recieved treatment immediately.
In a non-abusive household you probably wouldn’t have needed ‘treatment’ because in all likelihood your reactions to your surrounding would have been quite different from what you are describing here. — ‘Madness is the channel by which we receive the greatest blessings’ – Socrates Please reply to the newsgroups only
Response:
"Spiritus" <spiri…@sanctus.org> wrote in message
news:300120020044299688%spiritus@sanctus.org… You might find this relevant SP. ********* Abuse "triggers" schizophrenia People who are abused as children may be more prone to developing schizophrenia, research suggests. Psychologists have found evidence of a high rate of childhood physical and sexual abuse among children who were later diagnosed as schizophrenic. They found a particularly strong link between childhood abuse and hearing voices. It is time to break the silence about how frequently people with psychosis have been abused Dr John Read In some cases the voices being heard were those of the people who carried out the abuse. The researchers also found that the changes in the brain seen in abused children were similar to those found in adults with schizophrenia. Chemistry In both, similar parts of the brain, such as the hippocampus, were damaged and brain chemistry was affected the same way. Stress caused by abuse is thought to alter the development of a child’s brain, which at a young age can be moulded by the stimulus it receives. Lead researcher Dr John Read, from the University of Auckland in New Zealand, said science had to tackle the possible link between upbringing and mental illness head on. This research appears to make a big and perhaps unsustainable leap from the evidence collected to the conclusions made Paul Corry He said: "For far too long efforts to understand and treat people with psychotic experiences have been dominated by simplistic and often unsubstantiated biological and genetic theories. "What we are advocating is a more integrated approach where the horrible life events reported by so many people diagnosed schizophrenic are no longer ignored or inappropriately dismissed as part of their illness. "It is time to break the silence about how frequently people with psychosis have been abused, whether inside or outside the family. "I anticipate a degree of outrage, from biological psychiatrists and people acting as spokespersons for relatives’ groups, but the facts speak for themselves and cannot be brushed aside because some people find them upsetting." Complex Paul Corry, of the National Schizophrenia Fellowship, told BBC News Online: "Schizophrenia is a very complex and misunderstood illness. "Each person experiences the symptoms in a very individual way and it is likely that many factors are involved in one person developing the condition and another person not. "All the research available points to people with schizophrenia having a genetic predisposition of one kind or another that is then triggered by one or more stressful life events. "This research appears to make a big and perhaps unsustainable leap from the evidence collected to the conclusions made. "Much more research into the complex causes, treatments and outcomes for schizophrenia is needed." False conclusions Amanda Hall, head of research at the mental health charity SANE, also warned against jumping to conclusions. She said: ""The finding of a link between childhood abuse and schizophrenia in later life must not be interpreted as evidence of a cause of psychosis. "This research does not prove that the experience of childhood abuse causes one to go on to develop psychosis in later life. "It may indicate that those who are genetically predisposed to develop schizophrenia (those who have a family history of mental illness) may be more likely to go on to develop the disorder at a later stage of life compared to those who have no abuse history. "Thus childhood abuse and family history of schizophrenia may both be seen as additive risk factors for the development of schizophrenia at some stage in the lifespan." The research is published in the journal Psychiatry: Interpersonal and Biological Processes. Michelle PS I agree with what you said a while back about childhood "abuse" covering a range of aspects including rejection and neglect etc and that the abuse can be "verbal".
Response:
SP I am sorry you had such a crappy childhood. No kid should have to go through what you went through especially if they are mentally ill. I am just glad you are still around, if that means anything to you. Your posts in the past have helped me a lot. You are a worthwhile and kind person who got dealt a bad hand of cards. It is a wonder you survived under those conditions. You must have a strong heart and spirit. —Juniper "Spiritus" <spiri…@sanctus.org> wrote in message
news:300120020044299688%spiritus@sanctus.org… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> When I first developed sz at age 12 I was extremely psychotic and > finally my mother reluctantly got me into a hospital. She did her best > to ignore my symptoms. Anyway in an alcoholic household things are so > bizarre to begin with that me screaming, or crawling behind the toilet, > or any other of my miriad of symptoms could go relatively ignored. In a > normal household I would have recieved treatment immediately. My > mothers alcoholism cheated me of having any idea of what was wrong with > me untill I was 20 and got my own doctors who told me I had SZ, I then > ON MY OWN got treatment. This was after several severe psychotic > breaks. > During one of them my mother couldn’t stand me so she rented a house > and put me in it alone.. Once a week a hand came through the gate and > deposited a bag of groceries which I was too psychotic to prepair bye > and large. WHY!!!! wasn’t I put in a hospital? > My mother was so narcisistic and competative that if she couldn’t TOP > me, and when I was psychotic she couldn’t, her response was to ignore > me to death. > When I think of all the times I went through psychosis totally alone > with NO support, it makes me very angry, at that bitch. > SP
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.