Question:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – So sorry, this and the previous were supposed to all be one message, clicked the wrong button on my damn browser… could what my best friend said have planted all this in my head? Could have. usually that’s not the case, though. Or if you were prone to this kind of influence, a movie or TV show or book might easily have triggered you. (Or reading a newsgroup like this 8)). I talked her (my best friend) through some really rocky spots in her recovery, that nagging self-doubt in the back of my mind keeps telling me that’s why I’m dreaming what I’m dreaming. It’s not impossible. But usually the stuff is already in a person’s subconscious. Conversion hysteria (if I remember accurately) the taking on of another person’s characteristics or problems, is mostly _external_. Unless you are a telepath. Not quite Averti.
I figured 8). I have an excuse…well, I did have an excuse, but I forgot it already. There’s a lot about what he was told, and how he took it that we don’t know about. This particular type of transference is documented. Much seems to depend on the intensity of the original abuse, and the empathetic nature of the second party. Just clarifying, you’ve done your usual bang up job. 8) (That is a compliment BTW.)
Taken as such. Thankyew. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – What are the odds this is my overactive imagination? How can I tell? Get a better therapist. If I _could_ overcome the problem of insurance/parents asking why I’m in therapy, I still would not trust them…and I don’t know that they could even earn it. I believe that is called a predisposition. Not in your better interests, I’m sad to think. It is possible that the paper work could be routed right through the Insurance company and bypassing the parents for a time. A good therp would have that type of info handy.
Yeah, I didn’t think of that. In some states I believe there is legal maneuvering room for older dependents to preserve condfidentiality in medical matters. I’d _like_ to be able to, but I don’t trust people very easily at all when they have that kind of power over me…in fact, I generally despise people who have that kind of power over me. You have quite a bit of control over how much power you GRANT anybody. I know I do. Never been a question in any of my patiently career over how much I should place myself in another person’s hands. JUST AS MUCH AS I FEEL LIKE. Amen!
I sure do talk big 8). – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Therapists know all the rules. <laugh Not hardly. <chuckle Agreed. They know when something you’ve said can get a police report filed without your consent, Um, when is a police report filed WITH somebody’s consent? Do you mean complaint? Question here, doesn’t the thing in question have to be active, or near recent past in order for the police to be involved? Also, what types of abuse are legislated so that they must be reported whether the patient wants them to or not?
Stuff like physical evidence of possible abuse wrt children ”must” be reported by official care-givers like docs and teachers, in many jurisdictions. That of course ties in with your mention of ”active.” Of course, in the case of minors, the patients’ rights are notoriously meager, icluding the right to not have something reported. Also what is the secondary time limit on abuse where he is? How long after recalling the abuse does the legal limit last in order to have a formal legal complaint filed?
Yeah, that varies too. Plus, realistically, if it’s a duelling remembrance fight without secondary witnesses, most prosecutors or plaintiff’s attorneys decline to touch it. DCW notified without your consent, Are you a child? Excuse me if I missed that in an earlier post. and I don’t have any idea. I ended up not being able to discuss anything with my last shrink that was actually bothering me, for fear of someone getting put away! It was the most aggravating thing in the world. Maybe someone needs to get put away. You’re not dong much toward resolving that one way or the other, at the moment. I’d say he needs to get that question settled and get on with therapy.
Me too. There are issues of ”public” safety as well as private concerns, oftentimes. Like getting a drunk driver off the road; some people need to be stopped doing what they are doing if they do it TO anybody, regardless of who the anybody may be. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Keep asking people with experience, as you are doing. I have two friends who are abuse survivors(that I know of). One, whom I’ve talked to at great length, is my best friend. She believes I was abused, and has been very supportive and wonderful in all this. The other, whom I live with, does not believe I was abused and gets pissed off that I even suggest it. She tends to take an attitude of "Uh-huh, whatever", like I’d friggin’ be _faking_ my nightmares just to fit in better with her or something. In fact, she’s accused me of that in a roundabout sorta way. Hence, I came here. My best friend has really helped me all she can other than being a soft shoulder every now and then, and my roommate is fundamentally no help. Sounds like. Better not look for any help from that quarter. Welp, thanks for responding, I think I’m going to hang around this newsgroup for a while and see if I can learn anything, I really appreciate it to everyone who wrote me back…. Thanks, Jon Mike
a. — [In Weimar Germany] the boundaries between femininity, Jewishness, disease, and criminality became so poruous in the 1920s that it was almost impossible to talk about the one without implicating the others. –Maria Tatar, ”Lustmord”
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Jon, What I’ve been hearing here basically is that none of this is going to get any better without therapy – would that be a fair assesment of everyone’s opinion? (It also happens to be close to the advice my best friend gave me, but like I said, I’m a little reluctant.)
I don’t agree with that viewpoint. I think that the one thing that really determines if you will get better is that you are determined to improve yourself and willing to do the hard work that it takes. I think that a therapist can help in the process, and can help keep you from getting stuck. But I was able to make a lot of progress just by thinking, reading, and talking. I guess this week or so has kinda refreshed another question I’ve been meaning to ask. OK, some stuff I have always remembered happening, and it is not real pleasant. The stuff that’s coming back to me now is downright nasty. At what point is the line drawn between being a general asshole and actual abuse?
My feeling is that if a person’s self image is being torn down, due to an intentional act, then it is abuse. I guess this is a clearer question talking about sexual abuse, but physically, where’s the line drawn? Or is it relative? I mean, there is no doubt in my earthly mind that this person physically treated me like shit as a child – hell, my parents have fought with them over that. And the part that I’m not so sure about is the part that would draw the line clearly for me – i.e – its sexual in nature.
That can be a hard thing to decide. There are some things that happened to me that were not quite sexual abuse, but which were very close. To me, they were a form of covert sexual abuse, because they hurt me in the same way that sexual abuse would have, though in a milder form. Someone who was less sensitive might not feel the same way. I think that you have to look within yourself. Can you say that after it happened, that you were slightly different, slightly less healthy? More fearful and less trusting? Would it make sense that I would repress some part and not the other? Or, repress the "worse" parts of it?
Why not? It certainly seems possible. I can’t remember the actual act of getting beaten, though I know it happened. I remember very clearly up to the instant before the belt struck. But from then on, I don’t remember anything, not directly, but I have a memory of a memory. I suspect that I’ve repressed the worst part. I’m totally in the dark here, once again … as usual, more appropriately.
– ht — And if life is just a highway — then the soul is just a car, And objects in the rearview mirror may appear closer than they are.
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What I’ve been hearing here basically is that none of this is going to get any better without therapy – would that be a fair assesment of everyone’s opinion?
Indeed not. Some people get ”better” through religious or philosophical activities, some through 12-steps and the like. SOME people get better all by themselves. It is more LIKELY that therapy would be of some help that it is that it would do no good or some harm. (It also happens to be close to the advice my best friend gave me, but like I said, I’m a little reluctant.) I guess this week or so has kinda refreshed another question I’ve been meaning to ask. OK, some stuff I have always remembered happening, and it is not real pleasant. The stuff that’s coming back to me now is downright nasty. At what point is the line drawn between being a general asshole and actual abuse?
Tough call. Which line would you like to clarify? Legal (criminal), legal (civil), or personal? IOW do you want to to see jail, damages, or just have things sorted out for you own peace of mind? I guess this is a clearer question talking about sexual abuse, but physically, where’s the line drawn? Or is it relative? I mean, there is no doubt in my earthly mind that this person physically treated me like shit as a child – hell, my parents have fought with them over that. And the part that I’m not so sure about is the part that would draw the line clearly for me – i.e – its sexual in nature. Would it make sense that I would repress some part and not the other? Or, repress the "worse" parts of it?
Sure. I’m in my 50’s, and I can’t even count the number of veterans I have talked with who remember the ”before I was wounded” and the ”after I was medevac’d” parts of their combat experience– but have absolutely no memories of the getting-wounded part. The mind in repressing memories selectively appears to be trying to spare you the worst parts. I’m totally in the dark here, once again … as usual, more appropriately. Thanks again for your help, everybody… Jon
– For years I wondered why dreams are so often dull when related… No context…like a stuffed animal set on the floor of a bank. –William Burroughs
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If I _could_ overcome the problem of insurance/parents asking why I’m in therapy, I still would not trust them…and I don’t know that they could even earn it. I’d _like_ to be able to, but I don’t trust people very easily at all when they have that kind of power over me…in fact, I generally despise people who have that kind of power over me. Therapists know all the rules. They know when something you’ve said can get a police report filed without your consent, DCW notified without your consent, and I don’t have any idea. I ended up not being able to discuss anything with my last shrink that was actually bothering me, for fear of someone getting put away! It was the most aggravating thing in the world.
My mother went through the same thing with therapists. She had three young children (I am the oldest – about 7 or 8 at the time) and decided she needed help to get away from the beatings. She spoke with a psychologist, who offered her valium to help her DEAL WITH the beatings and better tolerate them. This was in the early ’80’s when therapy wasn’t as common as it is today. I have worked with psychologists professionally, and can assure you that most of them are very upfront and honest with their patients. Please, please, please don’t give up on therapy altogether. My mother has been living with these nightmares for over 20 years, even though this man is out of our lives pretty much. Sicne insurance is a problem, perhaps you can check out a local domestic violence shelter for free counseling. Don’t give up, though. Incognito121
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What I’ve been hearing here basically is that none of this is going to get any better without therapy – would that be a fair assesment of everyone’s opinion? (It also happens to be close to the advice my best friend gave me, but like I said, I’m a little reluctant.) I guess this week or so has kinda refreshed another question I’ve been meaning to ask. OK, some stuff I have always remembered happening, and it is not real pleasant. The stuff that’s coming back to me now is downright nasty. At what point is the line drawn between being a general asshole and actual abuse? I guess this is a clearer question talking about sexual abuse, but physically, where’s the line drawn? Or is it relative? I mean, there is no doubt in my earthly mind that this person physically treated me like shit as a child – hell, my parents have fought with them over that. And the part that I’m not so sure about is the part that would draw the line clearly for me – i.e – its sexual in nature. Would it make sense that I would repress some part and not the other? Or, repress the "worse" parts of it? I’m totally in the dark here, once again … as usual, more appropriately. Thanks again for your help, everybody… Jon
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Just to clarify a little, and trying real hard not to sound defensive here,
Defensiveness is permitted here 8). Only mean people say otherwise, or else my many enemies… my shrink works through my school, a state university. The law in my state(according to my shrink, _I don’t know any better_) reads that any employee of any state _education facility_ must report _suspected_ incidents of child abuse, neglect, or any suicide threats.
My general understanding is that those laws apply to actual _children_. Not 16 and ups or 18 and ups, depending on your state. I’ll check and see if I am correct in that. the law was written for elementary school teachers and such, but after I had told her I suspected that abuse might be a possible explanation, she decided the law applied to her too, when before she had told me the only way she would legally have to breach confidentiality would be in a case where there was an immediate danger to my own life or another person’s.
Well, that’s HER she’s protecting, not you (not to be too obvious). You have quite a bit of control over how much power you GRANT anybody. I know I do. Never been a question in any of my patiently career over how much I should place myself in another person’s hands. JUST AS MUCH AS I FEEL LIKE. Amen! My point being – in order for therapy to be any help, I would have to tell the truth and be completely open with my therapist. I hope you can see where I feel that is giving them a lot of power over me …
Sure. Know the feeling well. Getting past the feeling is more or less an early part of the therapy, perhaps. Therapists know all the rules. <laugh Not hardly. <chuckle Agreed. They sure as shit know a load more than I do, apparently. I assumed that since I was over 18, there was no way they could notify DCW. But she tried – apparently, she wasn’t willing to do so without my consent(even though she said she could), or if she did, I never heard about it.
That indicates to me that she she knows LESS than she should. If you’re not a child you’re not a child. Somebody has got their stuff mixed up and it isn’t you. Maybe someone needs to get put away. You’re not dong much toward resolving that one way or the other, at the moment. I’d say he needs to get that question settled and get on with therapy. I came here looking for help on how to know if I had really been abused . . . how can I possibly feel right about sending a member of my family to jail if I’m not even sure myself?
There is a whole truckload of steps between opening the subject and seeing somebody go to jail–if ever. People here could tell you all about the ins and outs of the system and how HARD it is to get either damages or a conviction. I don’t even think its legally possible – my concern was more centered around the incalculable disruption the mere _accusation_ would cause in my family – again, considering the fact that I’m still _not sure_.
It’s tough, all right. I’m sorry if the tone of this message sounds aggravated, it isn’t intended that way, honest. I’m just kinda stuck here – I have to visit this person for thanksgiving, and I’m getting really frazzled. Not to mention the fact that I haven’t slept in a week, and the little meaningless (and occasionally not so meaningless) snippets that I occasionally recall from those three years are becoming more and more frequent. But none of them cover a time span of more than two minutes – certainly not enough to be sure about having been abused, in my book. Its now three in the morning where I live, and I still can’t sleep. Goddess help me when I go visit come Thanksgiving and have to sleep under the same roof.
Indeed. 8(. I don’t find your tone aggravated. Been there, done that, only the details vary. This is the place to ask about things. Thanks again to everyone’s input – a couple of people have emailed me, and I realized I should have said earlier to feel free to do so. I really appreciate all the effort, y’all are too kind, Jon
– [In Weimar Germany] the boundaries between femininity, Jewishness, disease, and criminality became so poruous in the 1920s that it was almost impossible to talk about the one without implicating the others. –Maria Tatar, ”Lustmord”
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Is it possible to find a therapist that isn’t affiliated with the University? That affiliation seems to be at the root of most of your current obstacles. Sherri
: Just to clarify a little, and trying real hard not to sound defensive here, my : shrink works through my school, a state university. The law in my : state(according to my shrink, _I don’t know any better_) reads that any : employee of any state _education facility_ must report _suspected_ incidents of : child abuse, neglect, or any suicide threats.
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Allright – let me start by thanking anyone who takes the time to read this and respond, and also by saying that I hope this post offends no one, as it is certainly not intended to. I guess my question centers around recovered memory. I’m a 19 year old male, and for as long as I can remember, I’ve had, as my friends and parents have put it, "issues". Some of these centered around sex – most did not, and if anybody responds and thinks it’s relevant to my question, I’ll be glad to go into greater detail on any of this. I guess the most disturbing / relevant amoung them were the repetitve nightmare I had between the ages of 6-12 (almost every night, if not literaly), borderline alcoholism, and a couple of suicide attempts (I’m rather shamed to admit). The nightmares went away for a long time (till this year), the last time I attempted suicide was 8th grade, and the drinking I got under control. Everything seemed to be fine. And then, for no apparent (at that time) reason, my nightmares started again, I got outrageously depressed, and while I never since truly attempted suicide, I sure wished I had never been born. When I finally got talked into seeing a therapist, she was not a whole lot of help. At this point the idea of abuse had not entered my mind yet. That happened in talking with my best friend, who is also an abuse survivor, as well as a psych major. She asked when the nightmares started, I told her, and she voiced the opinion that something traumatic must have happened during that year to have caused such a long lasting problem. She asked what I remembered – which is when I realized the answer was _nothing_. My little brother was born that year, and I can’t remember what room of my house I lived in. I do remember what color my room was in the house I lived in when I was three, however. She said at that point, she was going to butt out, and I’d get it eventually. Shortly after that, my nightmares continuing, averaging about 45 minutes of uniterupted sleep a night, the dreams started changing, into visions from the time when I was between 3-6. Not particularly pleasant ones, either. I guess what I came here to ask, now that you all know way more about me than you’d ever want to, is : could what my best friend said have planted all this in my head? What are the odds this is my overactive imagination? How can I tell? I am a computer science major, completely ignorant of repressed memories, and I have no idea what the tell-tale signs of a true case are compared to those of a fake. Suffice to say, I have enough points in my head to support either side (which I’d list, but I’ve eaten up enough bandwidth already), and the not knowing is tearing me apart worse than anything else. I know nobody can answer the deeper question of whether or not I was abused, but if one of you all can point me in the right direction to find out for myself, I’d be greatly, greatly, appreciative, Thanks again for putting up with this endless nonsense, Jon
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Hi Jon. You are dealing with historical issues that are buried in your psyche or larger mind – which is the body itself. Your mind has fragmented to handle these issues and now you have the support system to deal with this now – and you and your higher power is now releasing this stuff for you to heal. Mindtalk is not good for abuse issues in the long run – one can only go so far with mindtalk. Find a Rosenberg and Rand trained Integrative Body Psychotherapy and you can have this stuff resolved in a large way in about 50 weeks of hourly therapy sessions. The first 25 weeks will really suck – after that you will be on the winning side of it. Do dream journal work – pay attention to your emotions and trust your process – your manner of healing. Your higher power knows how to raise you – to heal you – trust your process. sumbuddie duex amoure – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Allright – let me start by thanking anyone who takes the time to read this and respond, and also by saying that I hope this post offends no one, as it is certainly not intended to. I guess my question centers around recovered memory. I’m a 19 year old male, and for as long as I can remember, I’ve had, as my friends and parents have put it, "issues". Some of these centered around sex – most did not, and if anybody responds and thinks it’s relevant to my question, I’ll be glad to go into greater detail on any of this. I guess the most disturbing / relevant amoung them were the repetitve nightmare I had between the ages of 6-12 (almost every night, if not literaly), borderline alcoholism, and a couple of suicide attempts (I’m rather shamed to admit). The nightmares went away for a long time (till this year), the last time I attempted suicide was 8th grade, and the drinking I got under control. Everything seemed to be fine. And then, for no apparent (at that time) reason, my nightmares started again, I got outrageously depressed, and while I never since truly attempted suicide, I sure wished I had never been born. When I finally got talked into seeing a therapist, she was not a whole lot of help. At this point the idea of abuse had not entered my mind yet. That happened in talking with my best friend, who is also an abuse survivor, as well as a psych major. She asked when the nightmares started, I told her, and she voiced the opinion that something traumatic must have happened during that year to have caused such a long lasting problem. She asked what I remembered – which is when I realized the answer was _nothing_. My little brother was born that year, and I can’t remember what room of my house I lived in. I do remember what color my room was in the house I lived in when I was three, however. She said at that point, she was going to butt out, and I’d get it eventually. Shortly after that, my nightmares continuing, averaging about 45 minutes of uniterupted sleep a night, the dreams started changing, into visions from the time when I was between 3-6. Not particularly pleasant ones, either. I guess what I came here to ask, now that you all know way more about me than you’d ever want to, is : could what my best friend said have planted all this in my head? What are the odds this is my overactive imagination? How can I tell? I am a computer science major, completely ignorant of repressed memories, and I have no idea what the tell-tale signs of a true case are compared to those of a fake. Suffice to say, I have enough points in my head to support either side (which I’d list, but I’ve eaten up enough bandwidth already), and the not knowing is tearing me apart worse than anything else. I know nobody can answer the deeper question of whether or not I was abused, but if one of you all can point me in the right direction to find out for myself, I’d be greatly, greatly, appreciative, Thanks again for putting up with this endless nonsense, Jon
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Just to clarify a little, and trying real hard not to sound defensive here, my shrink works through my school, a state university. The law in my state(according to my shrink, _I don’t know any better_) reads that any employee of any state _education facility_ must report _suspected_ incidents of child abuse, neglect, or any suicide threats. the law was written for elementary school teachers and such, but after I had told her I suspected that abuse might be a possible explanation, she decided the law applied to her too, when before she had told me the only way she would legally have to breach confidentiality would be in a case where there was an immediate danger to my own life or another person’s. You have quite a bit of control over how much power you GRANT anybody. I know I do. Never been a question in any of my patiently career over how much I should place myself in another person’s hands. JUST AS MUCH AS I FEEL LIKE. Amen!
My point being – in order for therapy to be any help, I would have to tell the truth and be completely open with my therapist. I hope you can see where I feel that is giving them a lot of power over me … Therapists know all the rules. <laugh Not hardly. <chuckle Agreed.
They sure as shit know a load more than I do, apparently. I assumed that since I was over 18, there was no way they could notify DCW. But she tried – apparently, she wasn’t willing to do so without my consent(even though she said she could), or if she did, I never heard about it. Maybe someone needs to get put away. You’re not dong much toward resolving that one way or the other, at the moment. I’d say he needs to get that question settled and get on with therapy.
I came here looking for help on how to know if I had really been abused . . . how can I possibly feel right about sending a member of my family to jail if I’m not even sure myself? I don’t even think its legally possible – my concern was more centered around the incalculable disruption the mere _accusation_ would cause in my family – again, considering the fact that I’m still _not sure_. I’m sorry if the tone of this message sounds aggravated, it isn’t intended that way, honest. I’m just kinda stuck here – I have to visit this person for thanksgiving, and I’m getting really frazzled. Not to mention the fact that I haven’t slept in a week, and the little meaningless (and occasionally not so meaningless) snippets that I occasionally recall from those three years are becoming more and more frequent. But none of them cover a time span of more than two minutes – certainly not enough to be sure about having been abused, in my book. Its now three in the morning where I live, and I still can’t sleep. Goddess help me when I go visit come Thanksgiving and have to sleep under the same roof. Thanks again to everyone’s input – a couple of people have emailed me, and I realized I should have said earlier to feel free to do so. I really appreciate all the effort, y’all are too kind, Jon
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Have you consulted physical medical doctors for this? It’s unclear from your summary. Chronic depression often has a physical component–does with me. And anything that has physical symptoms can–possibly–be alleviated by medication. Worth looking into. Yes, my first and only therapist(who ended up lying to me about something very important and turning me off to therapy forever, despite the fact that she was _very_ good)
Do you know the old joke about the man who had only one child? ”Tried it once, didn’t like it.” One bad therapist != all therapists bad. Nose, spite, face, maybe. referred me to a psychiatrist, if that’s which one has an M.D, I can never keep them straight.
Yep. Mine has an MD and a something in psychopharmacology, too. (In order to pass the course you have to be able to spell the name of the thing 8)). This fine gentleman diagnosed me based on a one hour visit as, oh, let’s see if I remember his list – PTSD, Bipolar II disorder, probable mild DD, and a couple of other gems I don’t recall.
Wow! What a bargain. That stuff cost me the better part of ten years 8(. He then ’scripted me for prozac. Didn’t help.
As in, how? As I’m still a college student, my insurance is still run through my parents. They started asking questions. Then my therapist lied to me about when she would be required to report my case to Child Welfare, and so I left both their offices and never went back, and never looked for an alternative because of my parents.
Hmmm. Why would two practitioners lie to you? Sounds like PTSD to me. I have whole years missing from my memory– including apparently perfectly benign periods when I was not being particularly mistreated. See above – I pretty much agree with the part of my shrink’s diagnosis I understand, my question is what the heck caused all this mess?
Common theory is SOME very traumatic experiences in early life. Usually abuse at the hands of trusted people. OTOH, the first cases identified as PTSD were people who ”caught it” as a result of being in wars. Which obviously doesn’t take place in early life, for most people. On the third hand, some cases manifest NO perceptible cause. You have PTSD like you have red hair or flat feet; genetic inheritance plus bad luck. — The shoes upon her legs were laced up high. She was a peach, a dolly, and a daisy! –Chaucer
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So sorry, this and the previous were supposed to all be one message, clicked the wrong button on my damn browser… could what my best friend said have planted all this in my head? Could have. usually that’s not the case, though. Or if you were prone to this kind of influence, a movie or TV show or book might easily have triggered you. (Or reading a newsgroup like this 8)). I talked her (my best friend) through some really rocky spots in her recovery, that nagging self-doubt in the back of my mind keeps telling me that’s why I’m dreaming what I’m dreaming.
It’s not impossible. But usually the stuff is already in a person’s subconscious. Conversion hysteria (if I remember accurately) the taking on of another person’s characteristics or problems, is mostly _external_. Unless you are a telepath. What are the odds this is my overactive imagination? How can I tell? Get a better therapist. If I _could_ overcome the problem of insurance/parents asking why I’m in therapy, I still would not trust them…and I don’t know that they could even earn it.
I believe that is called a predisposition. Not in your better interests, I’m sad to think. I’d _like_ to be able to, but I don’t trust people very easily at all when they have that kind of power over me…in fact, I generally despise people who have that kind of power over me.
You have quite a bit of control over how much power you GRANT anybody. I know I do. Never been a question in any of my patiently career over how much I should place myself in another person’s hands. JUST AS MUCH AS I FEEL LIKE. Therapists know all the rules.
<laugh Not hardly. They know when something you’ve said can get a police report filed without your consent,
Um, when is a police report filed WITH somebody’s consent? Do you mean complaint? DCW notified without your consent,
Are you a child? Excuse me if I missed that in an earlier post. and I don’t have any idea. I ended up not being able to discuss anything with my last shrink that was actually bothering me, for fear of someone getting put away! It was the most aggravating thing in the world.
Maybe someone needs to get put away. You’re not dong much toward resolving that one way or the other, at the moment. Keep asking people with experience, as you are doing. I have two friends who are abuse survivors(that I know of). One, whom I’ve talked to at great length, is my best friend. She believes I was abused, and has been very supportive and wonderful in all this. The other, whom I live with, does not believe I was abused and gets pissed off that I even suggest it. She tends to take an attitude of "Uh-huh, whatever", like I’d friggin’ be _faking_ my nightmares just to fit in better with her or something. In fact, she’s accused me of that in a roundabout sorta way. Hence, I came here. My best friend has really helped me all she can other than being a soft shoulder every now and then, and my roommate is fundamentally no help.
Sounds like. Better not look for any help from that quarter. Welp, thanks for responding, I think I’m going to hang around this newsgroup for a while and see if I can learn anything, I really appreciate it to everyone who wrote me back…. Thanks, Jon
– The shoes upon her legs were laced up high. She was a peach, a dolly, and a daisy! –Chaucer
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So sorry, this and the previous were supposed to all be one message, clicked the wrong button on my damn browser… could what my best friend said have planted all this in my head? Could have. usually that’s not the case, though. Or if you were prone to this kind of influence, a movie or TV show or book might easily have triggered you. (Or reading a newsgroup like this 8)).
I talked her (my best friend) through some really rocky spots in her recovery, that nagging self-doubt in the back of my mind keeps telling me that’s why I’m dreaming what I’m dreaming. What are the odds this is my overactive imagination? How can I tell? Get a better therapist.
If I _could_ overcome the problem of insurance/parents asking why I’m in therapy, I still would not trust them…and I don’t know that they could even earn it. I’d _like_ to be able to, but I don’t trust people very easily at all when they have that kind of power over me…in fact, I generally despise people who have that kind of power over me. Therapists know all the rules. They know when something you’ve said can get a police report filed without your consent, DCW notified without your consent, and I don’t have any idea. I ended up not being able to discuss anything with my last shrink that was actually bothering me, for fear of someone getting put away! It was the most aggravating thing in the world. Keep asking people with experience, as you are doing.
I have two friends who are abuse survivors(that I know of). One, whom I’ve talked to at great length, is my best friend. She believes I was abused, and has been very supportive and wonderful in all this. The other, whom I live with, does not believe I was abused and gets pissed off that I even suggest it. She tends to take an attitude of "Uh-huh, whatever", like I’d friggin’ be _faking_ my nightmares just to fit in better with her or something. In fact, she’s accused me of that in a roundabout sorta way. Hence, I came here. My best friend has really helped me all she can other than being a soft shoulder every now and then, and my roommate is fundamentally no help. Welp, thanks for responding, I think I’m going to hang around this newsgroup for a while and see if I can learn anything, I really appreciate it to everyone who wrote me back…. Thanks, Jon
Response:
Have you consulted physical medical doctors for this? It’s unclear from your summary. Chronic depression often has a physical component–does with me. And anything that has physical symptoms can–possibly–be alleviated by medication. Worth looking into.
Yes, my first and only therapist(who ended up lying to me about something very important and turning me off to therapy forever, despite the fact that she was _very_ good) referred me to a psychiatrist, if that’s which one has an M.D, I can never keep them straight. This fine gentleman diagnosed me based on a one hour visit as, oh, let’s see if I remember his list – PTSD, Bipolar II disorder, probable mild DD, and a couple of other gems I don’t recall. He then ’scripted me for prozac. Didn’t help. As I’m still a college student, my insurance is still run through my parents. They started asking questions. Then my therapist lied to me about when she would be required to report my case to Child Welfare, and so I left both their offices and never went back, and never looked for an alternative because of my parents. Sounds like PTSD to me. I have whole years missing from my memory– including apparently perfectly benign periods when I was not being particularly mistreated.
See above – I pretty much agree with the part of my shrink’s diagnosis I understand, my question is what the heck caused all this mess?
Response:
my name is bill and i work in the field of alcoholism not any other field…saying that i would suggest you look into this matter with a more qulified person than just your friend,,she may have your best interest at heart and her advice to stop where she did was good ,you need to find someone that deals with this type issue on a regular bases,,not someone that may happen upon this page… what you are dealing with are memories that you where unable to deal with as a child and now that you have matured some these have begun to redevelop into your conscieous mind again as dreams…that is not to say these are abuse issues or anything other than some type of fear you may have had or still have ,,,we sometimes search for anwsers before we know the questions..don’t beat yourself up for something you have no understanding of and under no condition should you continue to allow this to go on without seeking sometype of professional help in your search for a better understanding of your past and present mental state.. i do hope this has helped and feel free to e-mail me if you would like .
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Allright – let me start by thanking anyone who takes the time to read this and respond, and also by saying that I hope this post offends no one, as it is certainly not intended to. I guess my question centers around recovered memory. I’m a 19 year old male, and for as long as I can remember, I’ve had, as my friends and parents have put it, "issues". Some of these centered around sex – most did not, and if anybody responds and thinks it’s relevant to my question, I’ll be glad to go into greater detail on any of this. I guess the most disturbing / relevant amoung them were the repetitve nightmare I had between the ages of 6-12 (almost every night, if not literaly), borderline alcoholism, and a couple of suicide attempts (I’m rather shamed to admit). The nightmares went away for a long time (till this year), the last time I attempted suicide was 8th grade, and the drinking I got under control. Everything seemed to be fine. And then, for no apparent (at that time) reason, my nightmares started again, I got outrageously depressed, and while I never since truly attempted suicide, I sure wished I had never been born.
Have you consulted physical medical doctors for this? It’s unclear from your summary. Chronic depression often has a physical component–does with me. And anything that has physical symptoms can–possibly–be alleviated by medication. Worth looking into. When I finally got talked into seeing a therapist, she was not a whole lot of help. At this point the idea of abuse had not entered my mind yet. That happened in talking with my best friend, who is also an abuse survivor, as well as a psych major. She asked when the nightmares started, I told her, and she voiced the opinion that something traumatic must have happened during that year to have caused such a long lasting problem. She asked what I remembered – which is when I realized the answer was _nothing_. My little brother was born that year, and I can’t remember what room of my house I lived in. I do remember what color my room was in the house I lived in when I was three, however. She said at that point, she was going to butt out, and I’d get it eventually.
Sounds like PTSD to me. I have whole years missing from my memory– including apparently perfectly benign periods when I was not being particularly mistreated. Shortly after that, my nightmares continuing, averaging about 45 minutes of uniterupted sleep a night, the dreams started changing, into visions from the time when I was between 3-6. Not particularly pleasant ones, either. I guess what I came here to ask, now that you all know way more about me than you’d ever want to, is : could what my best friend said have planted all this in my head?
Could have. usually that’s not the case, though. Or if you were prone to this kind of influence, a movie or TV show or book might easily have triggered you. (Or reading a newsgroup like this 8)). What are the odds this is my overactive imagination? How can I tell?
Keep asking people with experience, as you are doing. Get a better therapist. I am a computer science major, completely ignorant of repressed memories, and I have no idea what the tell-tale signs of a true case are compared to those of a fake.
Neither does anybody else, apparently. That’s these things turn up in a courtroom from time to time. Suffice to say, I have enough points in my head to support either side (which I’d list, but I’ve eaten up enough bandwidth already), and the not knowing is tearing me apart worse than anything else. I know nobody can answer the deeper question of whether or not I was abused, but if one of you all can point me in the right direction to find out for myself, I’d be greatly, greatly, appreciative, Thanks again for putting up with this endless nonsense, Jon
Oh no. On a scale of one to nonsense, this is downright lucid and terse 8). — The shoes upon her legs were laced up high. She was a peach, a dolly, and a daisy! –Chaucer
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