Question:
I don’t think its manic-depression, I think you are just going through a lot of changes right now. But, I do have to disagree with one thing you said. "I should be happy." You don’t have to be happy, you know. Even if you had everything in the world, there is still you reason you HAVE to be happy. It would be nice if you could be, but there is no evil or sin in not being happy. If you can just get that phrase out of your mind, you can at least stop beating up on yourself because you are not happy. What’s "happy" anyway? I would rather be content. This reminds me of my dad, who used to say, "what have you got to be depressed about?" Like I was doing it to spite him or something. Sometimes how we feel has nothing to do with our surroundings. Sometimes we just don’t feel that good. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i seem to be quite moody. i go from being totally upset, to totally almost high like (though always got that anxiety – semi-agorophobic thing oing on) and then back to being all down. i have trouble taking my meds on schedule – take them whenever, have trouble remembering to eat, can’t sleep much(super strong resistance) and start random self destructive behavior (that came from my mother) – such as overdosing on meds, cutting, i can’t think what else, well picking fights. i don’t mean it all. sometimes i can look at my scars and say wow they’re not so bad, they’re healing, and sometimes i look and think damn i’m screwed for life.and sometimes i look at my work and say wow look what i did, and others i say oh shoot what am i gonna do with the fact i havent done blah. sometimes i can’t think of anyhting to do, and sometimes i can’t figure out how to do it all in time. sometimes i want to be alone, sometimes i want to be with someone else. sometimes i want to go out and have fun, sometimes i’d just rather live in a shell. maybe i have some manic disorder. you know where you go from really high highs to really down downs. sometimes i think i own the world. more often, i’m getting crushed by it. maybe it’s just the looming fear of being back home. maybe it’s all of this (plus school work),. and man one challenge for tomorrow – hnding in my screenplay – we’re all meeting downtown at some market – i think i should see if i can leave it early in his box.. i don’t think i wanna get stuck in some crowded place like that. considering my agoraphobic tendencies, hehe. i dunno. i mean i wonder what’s wrong with me. i know i have ptsd, but if i look at everything my mother had (alcoholism, manic depression, OCD, anorexia, and i think a few other disorders or something), maybe i have a combination of stuff. i dunno. maybe it doesn’t matter. just sometimes i can’t control my mood fluctuations dumb as i know they are and i just wonder if i’m going crazy. i should be happy. i have a good life. and sometimes i do feel happy, but that’s rare. because i always feel the lack of everything in my life. okay, i’ll shut up now. les.
Response:
yup it is. i used to be real into guitar and play it. i have a beautiful strat at home. depression and injuries in my shoulder have kept me from playing. 80 is my Y.O.B. les.
] By the way is strat 80 a guitar reference?
Response:
My hats off to you. I get wirn out just reading about your days. Hang in there and hopefully things will go your way. Law of averages says they will eventualy. (especialy if you help) By the way is strat 80 a guitar reference?
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i seem to be quite moody. i go from being totally upset, to totally almost high like (though always got that anxiety – semi-agorophobic thing oing on) and then back to being all down. i have trouble taking my meds on schedule – take them whenever, have trouble remembering to eat, can’t sleep much(super strong resistance) and start random self destructive behavior (that came from my mother) – such as overdosing on meds, cutting, i can’t think what else, well picking fights. i don’t mean it all. sometimes i can look at my scars and say wow they’re not so bad, they’re healing, and sometimes i look and think damn i’m screwed for life.and sometimes i look at my work and say wow look what i did, and others i say oh shoot what am i gonna do with the fact i havent done blah. sometimes i can’t think of anyhting to do, and sometimes i can’t figure out how to do it all in time. sometimes i want to be alone, sometimes i want to be with someone else. sometimes i want to go out and have fun, sometimes i’d just rather live in a shell. maybe i have some manic disorder. you know where you go from really high highs to really down downs. sometimes i think i own the world. more often, i’m getting crushed by it. maybe it’s just the looming fear of being back home. maybe it’s all of this (plus school work),. and man one challenge for tomorrow – hnding in my screenplay – we’re all meeting downtown at some market – i think i should see if i can leave it early in his box.. i don’t think i wanna get stuck in some crowded place like that. considering my agoraphobic tendencies, hehe. i dunno. i mean i wonder what’s wrong with me. i know i have ptsd, but if i look at everything my mother had (alcoholism, manic depression, OCD, anorexia, and i think a few other disorders or something), maybe i have a combination of stuff. i dunno. maybe it doesn’t matter. just sometimes i can’t control my mood fluctuations dumb as i know they are and i just wonder if i’m going crazy. i should be happy. i have a good life. and sometimes i do feel happy, but that’s rare. because i always feel the lack of everything in my life. okay, i’ll shut up now. les.
Response:
Hi Les, I bet that once you look for profesional answers to all of these questions, you will start to improve steadily. You are not crazy by any stretch of the imagination. It is so good that you are going to get your screenplay turned in. This is a very good moment for you, Les! Take care, Liz – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i seem to be quite moody. i go from being totally upset, to totally almost high like (though always got that anxiety – semi-agorophobic thing oing on) and then back to being all down. i have trouble taking my meds on schedule – take them whenever, have trouble remembering to eat, can’t sleep much(super strong resistance) and start random self destructive behavior (that came from my mother) – such as overdosing on meds, cutting, i can’t think what else, well picking fights. i don’t mean it all. sometimes i can look at my scars and say wow they’re not so bad, they’re healing, and sometimes i look and think damn i’m screwed for life.and sometimes i look at my work and say wow look what i did, and others i say oh shoot what am i gonna do with the fact i havent done blah. sometimes i can’t think of anyhting to do, and sometimes i can’t figure out how to do it all in time. sometimes i want to be alone, sometimes i want to be with someone else. sometimes i want to go out and have fun, sometimes i’d just rather live in a shell. maybe i have some manic disorder. you know where you go from really high highs to really down downs. sometimes i think i own the world. more often, i’m getting crushed by it. maybe it’s just the looming fear of being back home. maybe it’s all of this (plus school work),. and man one challenge for tomorrow – hnding in my screenplay – we’re all meeting downtown at some market – i think i should see if i can leave it early in his box.. i don’t think i wanna get stuck in some crowded place like that. considering my agoraphobic tendencies, hehe. i dunno. i mean i wonder what’s wrong with me. i know i have ptsd, but if i look at everything my mother had (alcoholism, manic depression, OCD, anorexia, and i think a few other disorders or something), maybe i have a combination of stuff. i dunno. maybe it doesn’t matter. just sometimes i can’t control my mood fluctuations dumb as i know they are and i just wonder if i’m going crazy. i should be happy. i have a good life. and sometimes i do feel happy, but that’s rare. because i always feel the lack of everything in my life. okay, i’ll shut up now. les.
– Snowmen are blessings that fall from heaven unassembled…..
Response:
i seem to be quite moody. i go from being totally upset, to totally almost high like (though always got that anxiety – semi-agorophobic thing oing on) and then back to being all down. i have trouble taking my meds on schedule – take them whenever, have trouble remembering to eat, can’t sleep much(super strong resistance) and start random self destructive behavior (that came from my mother) – such as overdosing on meds, cutting, i can’t think what else, well picking fights. i don’t mean it all. sometimes i can look at my scars and say wow they’re not so bad, they’re healing, and sometimes i look and think damn i’m screwed for life.and sometimes i look at my work and say wow look what i did, and others i say oh shoot what am i gonna do with the fact i havent done blah. sometimes i can’t think of anyhting to do, and sometimes i can’t figure out how to do it all in time. sometimes i want to be alone, sometimes i want to be with someone else. sometimes i want to go out and have fun, sometimes i’d just rather live in a shell. maybe i have some manic disorder. you know where you go from really high highs to really down downs. sometimes i think i own the world. more often, i’m getting crushed by it. maybe it’s just the looming fear of being back home. maybe it’s all of this (plus school work),. and man one challenge for tomorrow – hnding in my screenplay – we’re all meeting downtown at some market – i think i should see if i can leave it early in his box.. i don’t think i wanna get stuck in some crowded place like that. considering my agoraphobic tendencies, hehe. i dunno. i mean i wonder what’s wrong with me. i know i have ptsd, but if i look at everything my mother had (alcoholism, manic depression, OCD, anorexia, and i think a few other disorders or something), maybe i have a combination of stuff. i dunno. maybe it doesn’t matter. just sometimes i can’t control my mood fluctuations dumb as i know they are and i just wonder if i’m going crazy. i should be happy. i have a good life. and sometimes i do feel happy, but that’s rare. because i always feel the lack of everything in my life. okay, i’ll shut up now. les.
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