Question:
I’m new to this group and decided to start participating. I’m desperate. My name is Matt and I’m 31 and live in the Boston area. I’ve been depressed for over a year. It all started when I witessed my father commited suicide,(May 97) who was the only person I had in my life. He raised me
-snipped most of the sad story- Now she’s gone along with my father. What the hell am I supposed to do now??? Can somebody give me some advice?
Advice?? Try posting the exact same message only once. - Just kidding. Welcome to ASD. Are you doing any kind of "regular" (like in weekly) therapy?? It might help. Also some kind of bereavment support group. I wouldn’t be surprised if in Boston there is even a group of people who meet specifically to share with each other the pain of surviving the suicide of a loved one. My depression kicked in about 2-3 years after the deaths of my father and brother. Keep at the meds. They may not totally transform you, but often they can help just enough. Try a visit to alt.support.grief, and hang with us here on ASD a little. Best of luck to you. Sincerely Stewart — The Metaphor Man *and* The Great Defender of the Self (remove the SPAMBLOCK) Please send me an e-mail copy of your posted response.
Response:
On New Year’s eve, you may be at your lowest. You’re asking for – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, I’m new to this group and decided to start participating. I’m desperate. My name is Matt and I’m 31 and live in the Boston area. I’ve been depressed for over a year. It all started when I witessed my father commited suicide,(May 97) who was the only person I had in my life. He raised me since I was five and I have no brothers or sisters. It was until after six months after his death that I came down with this brutal depression and PTSD. After my father’s death, I decided to move out to California from Mass to be with my girlfriend. We had our issues because she wanted me to get my life together if she was to let me come out there. Well, I started doing so up until this stuff hit me. I felt great for a few months, then it just hit me like a ton of bricks. After about three months I was struggling so bad and my girlfriend was so frustrated with the position I was in. She would always ask me to tell her whats wrong and I just stared at her most of the time with nothing to say. All I could say is, "I don’t know." This went on for months. She got so frustrated by trying to help me but I just couldn’t talk to her. It felt like something inside of me was keeping me from showing emotions. I felt numb and non responsive. I couldn’t help it. She couldn’t handle it. All I wanted to do was lay down. I didn’t want to talk with anybody and my passion for sex, music(and I’m a musician) or any of the activities that I used to enjoy was completely gone. I’ve also lost all of my confidence in my ability and I feel so alone. I decided to leave there and come back home to get help because my family is back here. My girlfriend and I stayed together up until four months ago (by phone) then she said she didn’t want me in her life anymore and I needed to tend to my problems before thinking about anything else. Everyone thinks that I’m not trying to get out of this depression but I am. They recommend things like go to the gym and go for walks but they really don’t understand how tired and depressed I am. They say, "You have to start helping yourself or you’re not going to get better." Sunlight seems depressing to me. My sleeping patterns are all out of walk because I have to sleep when I get tired. I’m so tired I get sick to my stomach. So, that disrupts a normal routine. I was out in California between Oct. 97 – Feb 89. And in early December, one day I just woke up with these symptoms. Sever fatigue, both physical and mental, numbness, hazy out of touch with reality and disoriented. I had no energy or passion to do anything. My head felt hazy like in a daze and I couldn’t focus anymore or follow the simplest conversations. And it’s last for over a year now and there are two people gone out of my life and I feel alone. I lfet my girlfriends house with the hopes of coming back there someday when I was better. I went home to my friends and family so they could give me the support I needed. It’s been 8 months since I came back home and I’m living with a friend of mine and his wife. I’ve been to several counceling appoints, pschiatrists, day clincs etc… But nobody has any answers. I’ve tried Paxil but that didn’t work. And now I just started Serzone last week and I’m begging for it to work. As it stands, my girlfriend stopped believing in me because she said she gave me a second chance to make a life with her but I blew it. But I told her it wasn’t my fault. She understood but she couldn’t trust in me anymore. I haven’t talked to her in four months and I found out the other day that she’s already involved with someone else. That has really pushed me into the deepest depression I’ve ever experienced. She wants no part of me now because I think she believes I’m to blame for this. This is the woman I wanted to marry. Now she’s gone along with my father. What the hell am I supposed to do now??? Can somebody give me some advice? I’ve tried Paxil that didn’t work and now I’ve been on Serzone for about a week. Thanks…… Matt
On New Year’s Eve, you may be at your lowest. You’re asking for help from people who may be at their lowest. Keep that in mind. Mainly, get through the next week. You’re doing the right things- meds and family and reaching out to people. Therapy? Get it if you can. Post this again if you can’t get what you seem to need today. Toci
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