Question:
Hello Morgana, So sad and sorry that you lost your friend. : o( I’m glad you are talking about it. Anniversaries can be really hard. Try not to be so hard on yourself about your regrets and the way you wished things were different. Instead focus on the good times, this is what I do with ppl I’ve lost and it helps. You mentioned that you wish you could have one more conversation with her…think maybe you’d like to write a letter to her and maybe even post it? It might help. On the anniversary of my brother’s d*ath, I wasn’t in a very good place and I wrote him a letter and it did me a world of good to get all the thing feelings and thoughts out. I was in the hospital at the time and when I got out I went to his gr*ves*te and read the letter to him. I still have both his to me and mine to him and I read it from time to time. I find comfort in this. Sierra of TN
Response:
This is going to be spoilered for talk of the d*ath of best friend. 1 2 3 4 5 7 8 The anniversary of my best friend’s death is next week and I feel like I = am losing it. She died last year of cancer. I never got to tell her = goodbye. I never got to tell her that I love her one last time. I = never got to tell her exactly what she meant to me. I never thought = that she would die. We often talked about death, but I figured that I = would always be the first one to go…guess it is that PTSD thing. Our relationship was very intense, but also rocky. We were constantly = fighting over dumb little things. We would go without speaking for long = periods of time…and then make up like nothing had happened. Looking = back now, those fights were so meaningless and I can’t believe that = there were times when we actually didn’t speak to each other. For two = people who were so deeply connected as we were I can’t believe we did = that. I would gladly take those fights back. When she died we were = having one of those periods where we weren’t talking. Everyone had = reasurred me that she was getting better and so I was going through my = stuff and even though I thought about her a lot, I didn’t call her or = see her. I wanted to give her space. And then she died. =20 You want to talk regrets….. I can’t believe I was so stupid. I have = never been so close to anyone in my whole life and now she is gone. =20 I don’t even know what I am feeling. There are times when I am so numb = that I just sit there for hours listening to a certain song over and = over. I don’t know what to do with myself. I get angry that I have to = go on with my life like she wasn’t even there. Most people I know don’t = even know that my best friend died. It is like erasing or pretending = like something or somebody really important never was. Reminds me of = pretending like the a*use never happened. It feels horrible. I miss her desperately. I would give anything to have one last = conversation with her. I hope that wherever she is, she knows that I am = very sorry. I hope she knows how much I love her. I hope she knows that = she made a huge difference in my life and will not be forgotten. =20 Morgana — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Hello ghyie, It does sound like you’ve had a rough time with the loss of your friend. I’m glad to hear that writing and exploring both good and not-so-good times has helped. In time, I think you are right about the pain becoming a dull ache rather than gut-wrenching. My thoughts are with you during this most difficult time. e-purries back at ya! Sierra of TN – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – When our friend died we went absolutely hysterical. we’re glad we didn’t hve ajob at the time, so we didn’t have to worry abou tmissing time we cried adn howled for weeks at home. on one hadn we thought if anyone saw us thatthey’d think we had lost it. and for that time, we probably did. but it was needed. there was no keeping that pain inside, and even if we coudl have it woudl have been worse inteh long run. on teh first anniversary, actually starting several weeks before it, we did the same thing. there is so much pain, because we were close and it was important. we try to do things to honor the memory of the person. take time (on teh anniverasry or for us on S*mhain, or both) to remember them. take time to say goodbye. take time to remember the good things, and yes even some of the bad thigns because it was all part of the friendship. we wrote pages and pages of things we remembered, sometimes we still add to those pages. it helps us hold on to the memory, we dont’ want to loose it because we dont’ want to forget how much taht friendship ment and what we had then. but it hurts hurts hurts soemwhre, there is an end to teh screaming pain. we think it will always hurt soem, but will become more like an ache in teh back of our heads instead of the screaming, up front, hysteria that it was. we can’t replace him, but we can have otehr friends. we remind oruselves that we do things he would like to see us do, we remind ourselves that its OK to have other friends and share good thigns with them. no matter how its done, grieving is hard and painful, and even though we don’t want to at the time, we have to go on. e-purrrries to you — "ghyie"
Response:
When our friend died we went absolutely hysterical. we’re glad we didn’t hve ajob at the time, so we didn’t have to worry abou tmissing time we cried adn howled for weeks at home. on one hadn we thought if anyone saw us thatthey’d think we had lost it. and for that time, we probably did. but it was needed. there was no keeping that pain inside, and even if we coudl have it woudl have been worse inteh long run. on teh first anniversary, actually starting several weeks before it, we did the same thing. there is so much pain, because we were close and it was important. we try to do things to honor the memory of the person. take time (on teh anniverasry or for us on S*mhain, or both) to remember them. take time to say goodbye. take time to remember the good things, and yes even some of the bad thigns because it was all part of the friendship. we wrote pages and pages of things we remembered, sometimes we still add to those pages. it helps us hold on to the memory, we dont’ want to loose it because we dont’ want to forget how much taht friendship ment and what we had then. but it hurts hurts hurts soemwhre, there is an end to teh screaming pain. we think it will always hurt soem, but will become more like an ache in teh back of our heads instead of the screaming, up front, hysteria that it was. we can’t replace him, but we can have otehr friends. we remind oruselves that we do things he would like to see us do, we remind ourselves that its OK to have other friends and share good thigns with them. no matter how its done, grieving is hard and painful, and even though we don’t want to at the time, we have to go on. e-purrrries to you — "ghyie" If the future’s looking dark We’re the ones who have to shine If there’s no one in control We’re the ones who draw the line Though we live in trying times We’re the ones who have to try Tho we know that time has wings We’re the ones who have to fly. Rush Counterparts Album "Everyday Glory"
Response:
Hello ghyie, It does sound like you’ve had a rough time with the loss of your friend. I’m glad to hear that writing and exploring both good and not-so-good times has helped. In time, I think you are right about the pain becoming a dull ache rather than gut-wrenching. My thoughts are with you during this most difficult time. e-purries back at ya! Sierra of TN
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