Question:
*ouch* :( astri #AKA pink bunnies# `o’_* |/(((( |/ All conditions are temporary – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Bless California for their belief that an BS degree means you are rich. (BS or advanced degree people have to pay $50 dollars a unit verses the $13 every body else pays at the local Junior college.) It’s still less than the $150 dollars a unit that the local University charges for post degree work. I have too much income to qualify for a Pell grant. (Most of the financial aid says that if you get as much as social security pays me, you should manage just fine.) I’d like them to tell me how to. Most months I just barely can put back enough to pay the car insurance when it comes due. As for Voc Rehab, I’ve filed the papers and they very likely won’t talk to me in time for the comming semester. (Not that I believe they will see me as needy… People get weird when you’ve had a career and made money like I have…) Maybe I’m projecting my own devaluing on the Voc Rehab councilor, but I think he didn’t like the idea of helping me retrain when I supposedly have all the skills needed to earn good money and should be able to get around my Learning Disability because I have in the past. That only worked because there were three of us dividing up the tasks and background stress from PTSD wasn’t as high. I’ve asked for help, but I don’t believe that help will ever come in the form of substantive financial assistance. (At one time, I took home more in a week than I get in a month and I have the impression that ‘they’ expect me to wave my magic wand and make everything the way it used to California Law that allows them to be a lazy spounge!!! Pat was a nice trophy to have, when I had the money. But Pat has a BA in Thearter Arts, is working on an AS in Landscape Archetecture and the state is trying to get me to come up with money to provide medical insurance for the kids. (I’m on social security disability and the kids are already collectively getting about $750. Which Pat uses to pay the rent. Pat got a Pell grant to pay for school and the state promptly took half of it out of the AFDC and other aid. Never mind that the school got the grant and Pat never saw a penny of it.) [long slow deep breath] Pat still can guilt me with little more than a quiet, "Oh really?" I married someone just like my folks and I still have this huge hole where I feel I should do better at taking care of the kids and making sure there is money for things like Kirsten’s braces and Amber’s summer dance camp. (Not going to happen, but I’d like the state to believe that I’m trying my best and just to take the higher than usual hurdles out of the way.) I want to make the leap to where I can provide more for the kids and myself than what we’re collecting. The opposite side of the coin is that I don’t feel like I deserve help. I feel like I failed and there is nothing for me except social security disability for the rest of my life. (If it were just me, I’d go back to waiting tables and living on the wrong side of the tracks, but the instant I go to work the state is going to come after me for the $750 that social security is paying the kids. More likely, Pat is going to duck out on taking care of them all together and I’m going to try being a single parent. (I’d actually like that, because I don’t think of Pat as being a good influence, but you don’t make over $2000 a month waiting tables. I feel stuck. (I know I’m borrowing trouble, but I still have trouble believing that the social security check is going to come each month. I don’t trust the system to be rational because, life hasn’t been rational for me.) I will be absolutely thrilled, if help comes. I don’t expect it, I’m trying to find my own way without it and I’m grumbling that it seems the government is not only not trying to help, but rather actively trying to maximize the suffering to the ultimate that can be endured. What I’m looking for is some validation from somewhere that I am doing the best I can and some help with the stuff that is so overwhelming. It’s hard enough to ask for help in the first place, that I simply won’t unless there isn’t a way around the problems without it. Is there anybody out there that has felt they got their inside parts together only to have them come apart under stress? Also, any Californian’s that have gotten state rehab to do retraining when you already have a technical degree? I don’t mind jumping through the hoops, but I need to know that the prize really is on the other side. Robin what about financial aid for school? or grants from voc rehab? I normally meet with my therp on mondays and thirsdays, but today’s appointment had to be moved out of the usual slot. (I was out of sorts to start with what happened yesterday and it took half the session to get to where I could talk about that instead of being upset about the schedule change.) I truly dispise when things get odd and I need to adapt to something new. <sigh Dispite that I felt like a grump and wasn’t at all willing to take anything at face value, the therp and I dug out a couple of really nasty bits of my past and looked at them. Things are quieter, but I feel fragile. I think it finally connected what was upsetting me. I mean, just besides the memory. (As if that was anything just.) I finally connected that I was intending to go to school, fix the car, pay the car insurance, pay another reocurring annual bill and do it all in six months out of my disposable income of about $200 a month. The whole set of classes I wanted would be $800 plus books and fees. I don’t know what the car will take, but the battery won’t seem to hold a charge. My car insurance is around $600. And the last bill is about $450. Reality Fault, program aborted. I still want to do all of it, but reality says the car is going to be side-lined in favor of mass-transit. I’d really like to keep it, but I don’t think I can afford the upkeep. That realization hurt. It is just one more thing that has been lost because I needed to sacrifice something just to keep moving. It feels like I have to choose between school and keeping the car. (A real loose-loose situation.) I’m tired of having to make choices like this.
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Response:
Bless California for their belief that an BS degree means you are rich. (BS or advanced degree people have to pay $50 dollars a unit verses the $13 every body else pays at the local Junior college.) It’s still less than the $150 dollars a unit that the local University charges for post degree work. I have too much income to qualify for a Pell grant. (Most of the financial aid says that if you get as much as social security pays me, you should manage just fine.) I’d like them to tell me how to. Most months I just barely can put back enough to pay the car insurance when it comes due. As for Voc Rehab, I’ve filed the papers and they very likely won’t talk to me in time for the comming semester. (Not that I believe they will see me as needy… People get weird when you’ve had a career and made money like I have…) Maybe I’m projecting my own devaluing on the Voc Rehab councilor, but I think he didn’t like the idea of helping me retrain when I supposedly have all the skills needed to earn good money and should be able to get around my Learning Disability because I have in the past. That only worked because there were three of us dividing up the tasks and background stress from PTSD wasn’t as high. I’ve asked for help, but I don’t believe that help will ever come in the form of substantive financial assistance. (At one time, I took home more in a week than I get in a month and I have the impression that ‘they’ expect me to wave my magic wand and make everything the way it used to California Law that allows them to be a lazy spounge!!! Pat was a nice trophy to have, when I had the money. But Pat has a BA in Thearter Arts, is working on an AS in Landscape Archetecture and the state is trying to get me to come up with money to provide medical insurance for the kids. (I’m on social security disability and the kids are already collectively getting about $750. Which Pat uses to pay the rent. Pat got a Pell grant to pay for school and the state promptly took half of it out of the AFDC and other aid. Never mind that the school got the grant and Pat never saw a penny of it.) [long slow deep breath] Pat still can guilt me with little more than a quiet, "Oh really?" I married someone just like my folks and I still have this huge hole where I feel I should do better at taking care of the kids and making sure there is money for things like Kirsten’s braces and Amber’s summer dance camp. (Not going to happen, but I’d like the state to believe that I’m trying my best and just to take the higher than usual hurdles out of the way.) I want to make the leap to where I can provide more for the kids and myself than what we’re collecting. The opposite side of the coin is that I don’t feel like I deserve help. I feel like I failed and there is nothing for me except social security disability for the rest of my life. (If it were just me, I’d go back to waiting tables and living on the wrong side of the tracks, but the instant I go to work the state is going to come after me for the $750 that social security is paying the kids. More likely, Pat is going to duck out on taking care of them all together and I’m going to try being a single parent. (I’d actually like that, because I don’t think of Pat as being a good influence, but you don’t make over $2000 a month waiting tables. I feel stuck. (I know I’m borrowing trouble, but I still have trouble believing that the social security check is going to come each month. I don’t trust the system to be rational because, life hasn’t been rational for me.) I will be absolutely thrilled, if help comes. I don’t expect it, I’m trying to find my own way without it and I’m grumbling that it seems the government is not only not trying to help, but rather actively trying to maximize the suffering to the ultimate that can be endured. What I’m looking for is some validation from somewhere that I am doing the best I can and some help with the stuff that is so overwhelming. It’s hard enough to ask for help in the first place, that I simply won’t unless there isn’t a way around the problems without it. Is there anybody out there that has felt they got their inside parts together only to have them come apart under stress? Also, any Californian’s that have gotten state rehab to do retraining when you already have a technical degree? I don’t mind jumping through the hoops, but I need to know that the prize really is on the other side. Robin – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – what about financial aid for school? or grants from voc rehab? I normally meet with my therp on mondays and thirsdays, but today’s appointment had to be moved out of the usual slot. (I was out of sorts to start with what happened yesterday and it took half the session to get to where I could talk about that instead of being upset about the schedule change.) I truly dispise when things get odd and I need to adapt to something new. <sigh Dispite that I felt like a grump and wasn’t at all willing to take anything at face value, the therp and I dug out a couple of really nasty bits of my past and looked at them. Things are quieter, but I feel fragile. I think it finally connected what was upsetting me. I mean, just besides the memory. (As if that was anything just.) I finally connected that I was intending to go to school, fix the car, pay the car insurance, pay another reocurring annual bill and do it all in six months out of my disposable income of about $200 a month. The whole set of classes I wanted would be $800 plus books and fees. I don’t know what the car will take, but the battery won’t seem to hold a charge. My car insurance is around $600. And the last bill is about $450. Reality Fault, program aborted. I still want to do all of it, but reality says the car is going to be side-lined in favor of mass-transit. I’d really like to keep it, but I don’t think I can afford the upkeep. That realization hurt. It is just one more thing that has been lost because I needed to sacrifice something just to keep moving. It feels like I have to choose between school and keeping the car. (A real loose-loose situation.) I’m tired of having to make choices like this.
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