Question:
We all need some one to hear us out. Can you see a pdoc about the PD? or is there an insurance thing? A good therapist will have you doing some sort of CBT to go with the meds as well, so that you can function a little more. 
J — "Just when you think life sucks, someone hands you a vacuum cleaner; it is at this time you start cleaning some house". J Visit me at: http://members.ync.net/jdgalvin/index.html
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Ok, this is going to be a long one…kind of half vent…half asking advice. Let’s start with the events recently. Last week my hubby’s ex-wife had surgery (she and I get along, so that is not a source of stress dealing with her) and we had the s-kids until Monday when she thought she could handle taking them back. Well she over did it and was hurting really bad, so they are back here for tonight. Does it sound too wierd that I am worried about her? I am sure to some people it does, but like I said..we get along. Actually have a friendship of sorts. So I have been worried about her health, worried about how the kids were dealing with all of it, and generally trying to be super-woman. What has been strange to me is that I am starting to feel urges to get out and do things more often lately…which I know is a good thing. For months it literally didn’t phase me if I didn’t leave my home. Now I am able to get out and go a few places (with my husband with me) and I can even run to the school to pick up my stepdaughter alone (it is only 2 miles) but the whole "obligation" thing still bothers me a lot. Lately everything that could have came up has been in my face. Bills (the fallout of me being off for 4 months now because of the PTSD, waiting for the work comp case to kick things in) spring fever is in full bloom and I get so mad at myself because I WANT to start cleaning and functioning again. Since I started the Paxil (5th week) I have noticed a huge difference. Now my MD has raised my dose from 20mg to 40mg per day. Well, I know all the part about weaning on, but as is par for an MD, she said "nah, just go ahead and up it unless you have trouble’ Well so far there hasn’t been trouble, other than being tired…but I had that side effect when I first started out at 20mg, and I figure eventually it will even out. So to me since I don’t go anywhere any way I can deal with napping a lot.I think I need to start taking the Paxil at night though…since lately the insomnia has been worse. I don’t know. Anyhow..what do you do when you feel obligated to continue…push yourself beyond what you are comfortable with, because you feel like it is expected. People that don’t deal with this don’t know how hard it is. Just because I managed to drop by my dad’s on the way back from the dr doesn’t mean I will feel like doing it again tomorrow. My family is trying to help us out by buying groceries. I would love to go with my sister, and that is my goal for tomorrow…but bless her, she will go with or without me and try to help take care of us. Also, how do you deal with the guilt over your family being held ‘hostage’ to your illness? I just hate to have to tell my skids that we can’t go to the park…maybe someday…or the vacations that my husband and i planned for this summer? How do you NOT gte angry and frustrated to the point of feeling like they would be better without you around? I know my family doesn’t consider that…they are so supportive that I should be cured by now..LOL Anyhow, didn’t really have a point really, just wanted to babble…makes me feel better! CItolu * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
Response:
Ok, this is going to be a long
snip expectations not being met =guilt. having no expecations is preferable from others and yourself. You cannot control others expectations that becomes their problem but you can control your own level of expectations. If you choose not to subscribe to the notion that you must be perfect (beiing the perfect step mom or relative or women) as well as not subscribe that you have to must or should be perfect or do those things that you regard as shoulds then you will not feel guilt-which by definition is placing others feelings above your own. You are also rating yourself by the things you choose to do and choose not to do like take a vacation-where is it written that one who takes a vacation is perfect of better or more properly functioning as a mother a women or a person. It would be nice to take one and perhaps you will-when you choose to-when you are ready to. Your feelings towards your ex husbands wife are commendable it shows compassion and care not weakness and weirdness. Our moods and behaviors are not stagnant nor are they a predictor of our moods and behaviors inthe future-just because you did soemthing today doesn’t mean you have to or will do it tommorow. Some days you will feel more apt to do something others not-like everyone else on this planet. LM
Response:
CItolu wrote….
::::snipped:::: Last week my hubby’s ex-wife had surgery (she and I get along, so that is not a source of stress dealing with her) and we had the s-kids until Monday when she thought she could handle taking them back. Well she over did it and was hurting really bad, so they are back here for tonight. Does it sound too wierd that I am worried about her?
I do not think this weird, I think it is kind of you and shows what a great person you are. Not many "2nd" wives can say that they like the "ex". Think about all the stress you are saving yourself by getting along with her. What has been strange to me is that I am starting to feel urges to get out and do things more often lately…which I know is a good thing. For months it literally didn’t phase me if I didn’t leave my home. Now I am able to get out and go a few places (with my husband with me) and I can even run to the school to pick up my stepdaughter alone (it is only 2 miles) but the whole "obligation" thing still bothers me a lot.
That’s great that you are wanting to do things. As a fellow anxiety sufferer I know how this can feel like such a relief to actually "want" to do things and actually follow through and do them. I totally understand the obligation thing. I have encountered this feeling as well. If I go somewhere with my husband and I do really well, then he thinks I’m cured and that I can always do things with him. He is starting to understand a little more. Because I remind him that just because I was able to do it this time, doesn’t necessarily mean I can do it all the time. He tries to understand but I know the expectation is still there and that bothers me and creates more anxiety for me. But we muddle through. Since I started the Paxil (5th week) I have noticed a huge difference. Now my MD has raised my dose from 20mg to 40mg per day. Well, I know all the part about weaning on, but as is par for an MD, she said "nah, just go ahead and up it unless you have trouble’ Well so far there hasn’t been trouble, other than being tired…but I had that side effect when I first started out at 20mg, and I figure eventually it will even out. So to me since I don’t go anywhere any way I can deal with napping a lot.I think I need to start taking the Paxil at night though…since lately the insomnia has been worse. I don’t know.
Sorry, can’t give you any advice on the meds…don’t know much about them although I’m sure someone on the ng will give you advice that you want. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Anyhow..what do you do when you feel obligated to continue…push yourself beyond what you are comfortable with, because you feel like it is expected. People that don’t deal with this don’t know how hard it is. Just because I managed to drop by my dad’s on the way back from the dr doesn’t mean I will feel like doing it again tomorrow. My family is trying to help us out by buying groceries. I would love to go with my sister, and that is my goal for tomorrow…but bless her, she will go with or without me and try to help take care of us. Also, how do you deal with the guilt over your family being held ‘hostage’ to your illness? I just hate to have to tell my skids that we can’t go to the park…maybe someday…or the vacations that my husband and i planned for this summer? How do you NOT gte angry and frustrated to the point of feeling like they would be better without you around? I know my family doesn’t consider that…they are so supportive that I should be cured by now..LOL Anyhow, didn’t really have a point really, just wanted to babble…makes me feel better!
Oh I empathize so much with your dilemma. I have two small children and though they aren’t at the age where they want to go anywhere too much. My 1 1/2yr old is a totally happier child when I take her somewhere. I see a marked difference in her behavior if I just take her for a walk around the block, which is torture for me, but I try and do it anyway. I feel sad that my kids don’t get out more. I don’t want my quality of life to be theirs. What bothers me even more is thinking of taking them places, when they are older, like an amusement park or something. I can feel the panic start just thinking about it and thoses trips are too far in the future for me to be fretting over them now. But the "what ifs" set in whenever they want to. You say your family is very supportive, so I don’t think you have to worry about them being better off without you. You probably give more in other ways then you think and traveling and doing all those family functions doesn’t necessarily make your family a better one or a happier one. Those things are only temporary – think of all that you give on a daily basis…that’s what really counts. Love, Kindness & Understanding can all be given within the walls of your home. Take care, — Andrea Visit my anxiety/panic website at http://buildingblox.homestead.com or Read my poetry at http://www.geocities.com/pretty0ne
Response:
Ok, this is going to be a long one…kind of half vent…half asking advice. Let’s start with the events recently. Last week my hubby’s ex-wife had surgery (she and I get along, so that is not a source of stress dealing with her) and we had the s-kids until Monday when she thought she could handle taking them back. Well she over did it and was hurting really bad, so they are back here for tonight. Does it sound too wierd that I am worried about her? I am sure to some people it does, but like I said..we get along. Actually have a friendship of sorts. So I have been worried about her health, worried about how the kids were dealing with all of it, and generally trying to be super-woman. What has been strange to me is that I am starting to feel urges to get out and do things more often lately…which I know is a good thing. For months it literally didn’t phase me if I didn’t leave my home. Now I am able to get out and go a few places (with my husband with me) and I can even run to the school to pick up my stepdaughter alone (it is only 2 miles) but the whole "obligation" thing still bothers me a lot. Lately everything that could have came up has been in my face. Bills (the fallout of me being off for 4 months now because of the PTSD, waiting for the work comp case to kick things in) spring fever is in full bloom and I get so mad at myself because I WANT to start cleaning and functioning again. Since I started the Paxil (5th week) I have noticed a huge difference. Now my MD has raised my dose from 20mg to 40mg per day. Well, I know all the part about weaning on, but as is par for an MD, she said "nah, just go ahead and up it unless you have trouble’ Well so far there hasn’t been trouble, other than being tired…but I had that side effect when I first started out at 20mg, and I figure eventually it will even out. So to me since I don’t go anywhere any way I can deal with napping a lot.I think I need to start taking the Paxil at night though…since lately the insomnia has been worse. I don’t know. Anyhow..what do you do when you feel obligated to continue…push yourself beyond what you are comfortable with, because you feel like it is expected. People that don’t deal with this don’t know how hard it is. Just because I managed to drop by my dad’s on the way back from the dr doesn’t mean I will feel like doing it again tomorrow. My family is trying to help us out by buying groceries. I would love to go with my sister, and that is my goal for tomorrow…but bless her, she will go with or without me and try to help take care of us. Also, how do you deal with the guilt over your family being held ‘hostage’ to your illness? I just hate to have to tell my skids that we can’t go to the park…maybe someday…or the vacations that my husband and i planned for this summer? How do you NOT gte angry and frustrated to the point of feeling like they would be better without you around? I know my family doesn’t consider that…they are so supportive that I should be cured by now..LOL Anyhow, didn’t really have a point really, just wanted to babble…makes me feel better! CItolu * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!
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