Question:
Being together, working together in preparation for a very exciting, special event that means so much to both of you…she is feeling as she should be feeling, having depression or not. And you are here, maybe learning how to pay closer attention to her, learning from other women and other couples. It’s good that perhaps you’ve gained some patience, open-mindedness, knowledge by being here. it all makes good sense. if you two were doing the same housework together, same upcoming event, and she was not excited or interested, motivated, that would be good reason for concern. you don’t know it now, but these may be the best of times for you two. remember to take pictures now, keep momentoes of odds and ends because that’s all very important. (faculty where i taught gave me all this advice, too, and i said ’sure, right’, but it turns out that they were right about it all. once the first baby is born, big changes in your lives like nothing else. as stress-producing as a serious car accident, bankruptcy, you name it. go to birthing classes and get the suitcase ready. our son was born and didn’t wait for us to finish the classes, three weeks early. oran In article <3885614E.7…@etal.edu>, h…@etal.edu says… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I don’t know what it is, but things have been going well between my wife > and I since I started posting here. The odd thing is I don’t see any > relation between the two things. I think her depression is really > fading, although the sexual side effects of the meds and pregnancy are > beginning to show themselves more readily (delayed orgasm). > Last night she initiated AGAIN. Twice in one week. That hasn’t happened > in some time. A few observations: > 1. Trevor was right. She PLANNED it and informed me of her intentions > about three hours in advance. I could have dealt with not knowing ahead > of time, but it was still very nice. My wife freely admits to feeling > "safer" when there is a Plan (not just with sex either), and "insecure" > when there is no Plan. One of the difficulties of being a "J", I > suppose. > 2. It was right after we spent the afternoon moving furniture around in > prepping our apartment for the coming baby. She later claimed that the > sense of accomplishment made her feel relaxed and more interested in sex. > 3. We went out to eat, ran into some friends of hers, had nice > conversation. None of this is possible when she is depressed and sitting > like a lump. In truth, I feel that I can deal with the > occasional depression, just not the spending $20K+ every time it happens > on blown student loans. To make *me* feel more "secure", we now have a > "plan" to deal with this. She is taking next semester off from school > (with a new baby, I don’t find this unreasonable and niether does her > school). She plans to return next Autumn, and if there is another > episode of depression or PTSD or whatever that blows the semester for > her, that’s it, she is quitting. I’m happy with this arrangement (I’d > really like to see her succeed, but a definite cutoff for trying and > trying again is something I really needed). > Tension
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Response:
I don’t know what it is, but things have been going well between my wife and I since I started posting here. The odd thing is I don’t see any relation between the two things. I think her depression is really fading, although the sexual side effects of the meds and pregnancy are beginning to show themselves more readily (delayed orgasm). Last night she initiated AGAIN. Twice in one week. That hasn’t happened in some time. A few observations: 1. Trevor was right. She PLANNED it and informed me of her intentions about three hours in advance. I could have dealt with not knowing ahead of time, but it was still very nice. My wife freely admits to feeling "safer" when there is a Plan (not just with sex either), and "insecure" when there is no Plan. One of the difficulties of being a "J", I suppose. 2. It was right after we spent the afternoon moving furniture around in prepping our apartment for the coming baby. She later claimed that the sense of accomplishment made her feel relaxed and more interested in sex. 3. We went out to eat, ran into some friends of hers, had nice conversation. None of this is possible when she is depressed and sitting like a lump. In truth, I feel that I can deal with the occasional depression, just not the spending $20K+ every time it happens on blown student loans. To make *me* feel more "secure", we now have a "plan" to deal with this. She is taking next semester off from school (with a new baby, I don’t find this unreasonable and niether does her school). She plans to return next Autumn, and if there is another episode of depression or PTSD or whatever that blows the semester for her, that’s it, she is quitting. I’m happy with this arrangement (I’d really like to see her succeed, but a definite cutoff for trying and trying again is something I really needed). Tension
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