Question:
Finally I managed to get myself together enough to ask if I could have a drink and a pee. Oh – a diversion here – on the wall of the toilet (bathroom as you say over there for a room with no bath!!) was a huge notice ordering users of this facility NOT to make improper use of the toilet paper! So I was sitting there wondering how exactly I might do that – like throwing it around the room or stuffing it . . . .
Sorry for chuckling, but I am having one HECK of a good time coming up with improper uses of toilet paper 
On a more serious note, you may want to contact the ISSD (International Society for the Study of Dissociation). They have a Web site, but I can’t seem to access it. Does anyone here (Peter?) have the address or phone number? sw
Response:
Primrose, Oh, this sounds so discouraging! I spent nearly 2 years trying to make my issues (which aren’t even RA) fit my ‘therapist’s’ skills. I’m glad you know that it is *their* inability to work with you. Doesn’t change the facts, or the need for an informed therapist, but at least you know what’s really happening. I don’t know if you intended to, but the toilet paper situation made me laugh. Shall we start a thread with ideas of how to use TP inappropriately? Just trying to share a smile in a very serious situation – that’s one of the ways I deal… try and make a joke. I guess if you have to give up, that’s your decision… I just know that because I kept trying, I *did* find a therapist I could work with well. Jodan – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m feeling so disillusioned with this constant struggle to find a therapist. Well, it’s not finding a therapist that’s the problem, it’s finding a good therapist – I’d even settle for an okay therapist I think. Here in the UK where RA is officially denied, it’s hard as a survivor of this to find a therapist who a) believes and b) is knowledgeable and competent to deal with this and with multiplicity. On my first try, I found a therp who, in response to my question about whether she believed that ritual abuse existed, leaned forward, and with an earnest expression said, ‘Well dear, if YOU believe it, I believe that you believe it.’ I was out of there FAST. After several more fruitless searches, I was recommended to someone because she had spent time in the US researching multiplicity. I was really excited, thinking this could be the person for me. I travelled for 3 hours to see her and found she had a rented room in a day centre which had a glass panel in the door so people walking past could look in, the room was completely bare and bleak with just piles of chairs stacked around and white walls. She sat directly opposite and just waited for me to talk. I spaced out so badly I thought I was going to die and she didn’t even notice anything was wrong. Finally I managed to get myself together enough to ask if I could have a drink and a pee. Oh – a diversion here – on the wall of the toilet (bathroom as you say over there for a room with no bath!!) was a huge notice ordering users of this facility NOT to make improper use of the toilet paper! So I was sitting there wondering how exactly I might do that – like throwing it around the room or stuffing it . . . . I was out of there fast too. Next – oh, this is getting long and boring. I think I’ll do a part two of this post tomorrow. Primrose – and many others, most of whom have no idea who they are. (sigh) — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
– *
Response:
Hi Primrose, I’m really sorry to hear what you are going through looking for a good therapist…I can relate. Have you read or can you get a copy of the book- ‘Safe Passage to Healing’ by Christine Oksana? It’s a book on healing from RA. I have read the book and the author has went through RA too. She makes it very safe to read and there are soooo many good points in the book! I think anyone who has been through RA should have a copy of her book and so should their therp. Good luck and safe times to you. If you need to talk, email anytime. Jeanie and the group
Hi Jeannie, Yes, I have this book. I read it sometimes but can only manage very short bits at a time. It’s helpful but also triggering for me and is hard to keep a balance. Thank you for the suggestion and for the offer of e-mail. Do you have an anon address? Primrose — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
[posted and mailed] I’m feeling so disillusioned with this constant struggle to find a therapist. Well, it’s not finding a therapist that’s the problem, it’s finding a good therapist – I’d even settle for an okay therapist I think. Here in the UK where RA is officially denied, it’s hard as a survivor of this to find a therapist who a) believes and b) is knowledgeable and competent to deal with this and with multiplicity.
the ISSD (International Society for the Study of Dissociation) is truly an *international* society. they do have european members. check out their web pages, and you will probably find a way to communicate with them that way. they may well have a list of therapists in the UK (or at least a list of their members in the UK…not all of whom are therapists, but it’s a place to start). pink bunnies / ~ ) All conditions are temporary `o’_* — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Primrose, Oh, this sounds so discouraging! I spent nearly 2 years trying to make my issues (which aren’t even RA) fit my ‘therapist’s’ skills. I’m glad you know that it is *their* inability to work with you. Doesn’t change the facts, or the need for an informed therapist, but at least you know what’s really happening. I don’t know if you intended to, but the toilet paper situation made me laugh. Shall we start a thread with ideas of how to use TP inappropriately? Just trying to share a smile in a very serious situation – that’s one of the ways I deal… try and make a joke. I guess if you have to give up, that’s your decision… I just know that because I kept trying, I *did* find a therapist I could work with well.
Thanks to the many of you who responded to this post. Yes, I WAS intending to make a joke about the toilet paper! It’s okay to laugh! In fact if I hadn’t, I think I would have flipped. The subject line of Giving up on therapy really relates to my next experience of therapy which I haven’t yet got around to writing about, but which i intend to. (How is that for a convoluted sentence!) Primrose — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Finally I managed to get myself together enough to ask if I could have a drink and a pee. Oh – a diversion here – on the wall of the toilet (bathroom as you say over there for a room with no bath!!) was a huge notice ordering users of this facility NOT to make improper use of the toilet paper! So I was sitting there wondering how exactly I might do that – like throwing it around the room or stuffing it . . . . Sorry for chuckling, but I am having one HECK of a good time coming up with improper uses of toilet paper
I did too! On a more serious note, you may want to contact the ISSD (International Society for the Study of Dissociation). They have a Web site, but I can’t seem to access it. Does anyone here (Peter?) have the address or phone number? sw
Thanks for the suggestion sw. A couple of others mentioned this too – (not my others, – others’ others!) and I found ISSD on the web and got their home page. It said it would contain info. about ISSD but all I could get was a long list of abbreviations. Is that what you got when you said you couldn’t access it? e sent me a list of ISSD therapists in the UK (thank you e) but I already know of these people – there are only a few – and they all live over three hours drive away from where I live. There is no-one closer. I have been searching for a few years now 
It seems that therapists in the UK tend to be generic rather than specialist as they are in the US. Primrose — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Primrose, might I suggest that you contact those therapists that you do know of, but who are too far away and ask them whom _they_ would recommend?Just tell them that you live too far to see them but would like to see someone closer that is like them. We therapists know ‘these things’ *grin* so you should be able to find _someone_ nearby who is at least supportive and accepting of multiplicity, even if they aren’t an ‘expert’. I’ve gone to only ‘generic’ therapists up until the one I see now and they’ve always worked out just fine. It isn’t the specializing that’s important in treating dissociation (imo) it’s the willingness to accept, learn, and be flexible! Rainbow Colors (Jill, who actually prefers generic therapists cause they aren’t as demanding:) Thanks for suggestion Jill, but I already did that. One of the therapists on the list is Chairperson of RAINS – stands for Ritual Abuse Information and network something – and I have been in correspondence with her. She confirmed that there is no-one within a radius of a three hour drive from where I live who is knowledgeable about DID.
Oops! I said it wrongly I think! What I meant was that RAINS people might know of someone in your area who would be at least accepting of DID even if totally clueless. Like, I know someone in the Chicago area as a colleague who is not trained to work with DID but would be a good therapist to work with a survivor because she just ‘feels’ right. I would recommend her to someone with DID even though this therapist doesn’t really know about it. So, maybe re-ask the RAINS people if they can recommend _anyone_ in your area who might be a good therapist, in any respect. For the last year or so i have been seeing a generic therapist who is nice, supportive, kind, flexible and willing to learn. But I just decided to stop – that is really what the subject line is about. I know it probably sounds ungrateful to be wanting more when there are so many good things about him – but it just wasn’t enough.
Your main reasons sound very valid to me! I’m kind of confused though… someone who makes fun of how my inside kids write isn’t being supportive, someone who gives _nothing_ of himself isn’t being _lots_ of things! These types of therapists give me the creeps and I usually end up baiting them and playing mind games before leaving just to verify that they are human beings. If he’s not into self growth I doubt he can be all that flexible (imo), and if you don’t think _he_ could handle it if you switched I don’t think you could really ever work on that stuff. It may be that _I_ can’t handle it when I switch, but I have to feel confident that my _therapist_ can! Oh, and someone who is receiving no supervision but knows very little, and sees no need isn’t into learning and being helpful (imo). Sounds like some very valid reasons to leave therapy with that one!! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -These are main reasons why I stopped: 1. Therp is being supervised by person who does not believe in RA or in multiplicity. He does not have supervision from anyone else and sees no need. 2. He gives NOTHING of himself. I don’t mean personal details – I wouldn’t expect that. But I get no sense of him as a person. It’s like talking to a response machine. Sometimes the responses are good – but they don’t feel connected to a person. 3. I never FEEL anything in therapy. I just go and give a sort of report on how I have been in the past week – that’s all we do. 4. He’s not at all into self growth/self development for himself – and this is very important for me. 5. I’m not confident enough in him. I think that’s why I never feel anything. Not sure he would be able to handle it if i switched or anything like that. 6. And once he did laugh at one of littels. I show him something Liza did write an he laugh an he say what terrible writing and spelling she have. an Liza did crycrycry for longtiym. Those are main reasons. I would welcome feedback. I think I made the right decision to stop therapy, but I feel so bad that now I have no therapist again. Sort of like I’m grieving over something I never had, but I felt safer with the idea that I had it – if that makes sense. Primrose and others
Sounds like some pretty normal insecurities to me. You at least had _something_ to fall back on if you needed it. Something is usually better than _nothing_. Even so, _I_ think you made a good decision to get a different therapist. It probably won’t be easy or fast, but you will be able to pick one that meshes better with you in the long run and that will be better for healing. Not being in therapy when you want to be seems like it would be hard to do. I’m always afraid I’m copping out and running away from dealing with stuff when I’m not in therapy. But being in therapy with someone who isn’t helpful would also be hard to do. I think you did the best thing possible. Jamie wants to tell Liza that that therpist was a dum dum head and mean. Hes’ not spossed to lagh at kids stuff. I wood tell him shut up! If my therpist did that I wood yell at him but our Steve is good and not mean so it is ok. Rainbow Colors (Jill and an editorial from Jamie:) — I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Primrose, might I suggest that you contact those therapists that you do know of, but who are too far away and ask them whom _they_ would recommend?Just tell them that you live too far to see them but would like to see someone closer that is like them. We therapists know ‘these things’ *grin* so you should be able to find _someone_ nearby who is at least supportive and accepting of multiplicity, even if they aren’t an ‘expert’. I’ve gone to only ‘generic’ therapists up until the one I see now and they’ve always worked out just fine. It isn’t the specializing that’s important in treating dissociation (imo) it’s the willingness to accept, learn, and be flexible! Rainbow Colors (Jill, who actually prefers generic therapists cause they aren’t as demanding:)
Thanks for suggestion Jill, but I already did that. One of the therapists on the list is Chairperson of RAINS – stands for Ritual Abuse Information and network something – and I have been in correspondence with her. She confirmed that there is no-one within a radius of a three hour drive from where I live who is knowledgeable about DID. For the last year or so i have been seeing a generic therapist who is nice, supportive, kind, flexible and willing to learn. But I just decided to stop – that is really what the subject line is about. I know it probably sounds ungrateful to be wanting more when there are so many good things about him – but it just wasn’t enough. These are main reasons why I stopped: 1. Therp is being supervised by person who does not believe in RA or in multiplicity. He does not have supervision from anyone else and sees no need. 2. He gives NOTHING of himself. I don’t mean personal details – I wouldn’t expect that. But I get no sense of him as a person. It’s like talking to a response machine. Sometimes the responses are good – but they don’t feel connected to a person. 3. I never FEEL anything in therapy. I just go and give a sort of report on how I have been in the past week – that’s all we do. 4. He’s not at all into self growth/self development for himself – and this is very important for me. 5. I’m not confident enough in him. I think that’s why I never feel anything. Not sure he would be able to handle it if i switched or anything like that. 6. And once he did laugh at one of littels. I show him something Liza did write an he laugh an he say what terrible writing and spelling she have. an Liza did crycrycry for longtiym. Those are main reasons. I would welcome feedback. I think I made the right decision to stop therapy, but I feel so bad that now I have no therapist again. Sort of like I’m grieving over something I never had, but I felt safer with the idea that I had it – if that makes sense. Primrose and others — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
<< – on the wall of the toilet (bathroom as you say over there for a room with no bath!!) I LOVE IT! ROFL<—rOLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING! We don’t "post" letters here either, we mail them. Even though we take them to the "post office" to mail. And the post man isn’t a post man over here iether he is the "mail man", because he delivers the mail…even though we had to go to the "post office" to mail a letter! I guess once the letters leave the "Post office", thay become mail! I don’t get it either and I live here! was a huge notice ordering users of this facility NOT to make improper use of the toilet paper! So I was sitting there wondering how exactly I might do that – like throwing it around the room or stuffing it . . . . MORE ROFL! What the *ell does that mean anyway?…..I am sorry for laughing, I am not laughing at your situation just the events of the day…my God, you must have been really weirded out by that whole experience! I haven’t finished reading it yet…I had to take a break from the *toilet room* stuff. I needed a good laugh today and reading your descriptions if hysterical…please do not misunderstand…I am NOT laughing at your situation. I can realate! I was seeing a therp. once for a while and thought he understood all about wheat i was describing to him and my experiences in being forced to do things. ONe day he said to me…(Maybe need a spoiler here?) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 o-k-, that I was not a "typical survivor"… what ever that one is… that I was also a perpetrator! Get a load out of that one! Boy was I sorry I EVER told him ANYTHING! I did nothing by myself…only what I feared my life over…and he had the NERVE to say that to me! I was in the hospital over that one! So I do understand how hard it is to find a good therp. with these issues! PLEASE…do not get my laughter confused with your plight! Lots of LIght ChangesNew Changes
Response:
Hi Primrose, I’m really sorry to hear what you are going through looking for a good therapist…I can relate. Have you read or can you get a copy of the book- ‘Safe Passage to Healing’ by Christine Oksana? It’s a book on healing from RA. I have read the book and the author has went through RA too. She makes it very safe to read and there are soooo many good points in the book! I think anyone who has been through RA should have a copy of her book and so should their therp. Good luck and safe times to you. If you need to talk, email anytime. Jeanie and the group
Response:
e sent me a list of ISSD therapists in the UK (thank you e) but I already know of these people – there are only a few – and they all live over three hours drive away from where I live. There is no-one closer. I have been searching for a few years now It seems that therapists in the UK tend to be generic rather than specialist as they are in the US. Primrose
Primrose, I’m not sure if this is the direction you want to go, but sometimes there are therapists who aren’t necessarily specialists in Dissociative stuff, who may want to become specialists and are willing to go that extra mile. There are also others who deal with similar issues, like abuse or PTSD, that may be able to quickly adapt to the multiple’s issues. It may not be more challenging for you to go through that, but it could be better than nothing. They may also be able to consult with a specialist that lives far away, if you consent to something like that. I would suggest that maybe you give some of those therapists on the list e gave you and ask them if they can refer you to someone close by who may be able to help you. It’s a shot in the dark, but it’s better than assuming there’s no one local who can help you. Cynthia
Response:
Oops! I said it wrongly I think! What I meant was that RAINS people might know of someone in your area who would be at least accepting of DID even if totally clueless. Like, I know someone in the Chicago area as a colleague who is not trained to work with DID but would be a good therapist to work with a survivor because she just ‘feels’ right. I would recommend her to someone with DID even though this therapist doesn’t really know about it. So, maybe re-ask the RAINS people if they can recommend _anyone_ in your area who might be a good therapist, in any respect.
Yes, I will do that. I will talk with some RAINS people at the RAINS conference in September and see if I can find someone. For the last year or so i have been seeing a generic therapist who is nice, supportive, kind, flexible and willing to learn. But I just decided to stop – that is really what the subject line is about. I know it probably sounds ungrateful to be wanting more when there are so many good things about him – but it just wasn’t enough. Your main reasons sound very valid to me!
This really helps. For ages I was thinking that because I wasn’t making progress in therapy, it had to be my fault. I’m kind of confused though… someone who makes fun of how my inside kids write isn’t being supportive,
bit i thinkded this is my folt too . someone who gives _nothing_ of himself isn’t being _lots_ of things!
And I thought I was being wrong for expecting him to give of himself. When I talked about this with him, he said that is the way he is. Helpful, huh? These types of therapists give me the creeps and I usually end up baiting them and playing mind games before leaving just to verify that they are human beings.
I did that too! But he never did become a human being. If he’s not into self growth I doubt he can be all that flexible (imo),
Well, I suppose I meant flexible in the sense that he was willing to learn about RA and MP. and if you don’t think _he_ could handle it if you switched I don’t think you could really ever work on that stuff. It may be that _I_ can’t handle it when I switch, but I have to feel confident that my _therapist_ can!
Yes. That feels right. I think it was because the first time I almost switched, he laughed at Liza’s writing. She did not come out but she was watching and listening. She felt like something really hurted her and she was howling while I was trying to leave the office and stay in adult place. (Sigh) – was so hard. Oh, and someone who is receiving no supervision but knows very little, and sees no need isn’t into learning and being helpful (imo).
Yes. Now you’ve pointed this out I can see that my post is full of inconsistencies. I think what was happening is that I was writing about my original perceptions of him, thinking somehow they were still valid. Sounds like some pretty normal insecurities to me. You at least had _something_ to fall back on if you needed it. Something is usually better than _nothing_. Even so, _I_ think you made a good decision to get a different therapist. It probably won’t be easy or fast, but you will be able to pick one that meshes better with you in the long run and that will be better for healing.
Thanks. This helps. What is also hard for me is the feelings of – well, I suppose it is jealousy – when others talk of their good therapists. It’s not that I don’t want you to have this – I really do and am so happy for you. But I want it too – soso badly. And it feels so not fair. Jamie wants to tell Liza that that therpist was a dum dum head and mean. Hes’ not spossed to lagh at kids stuff. I wood tell him shut up! If my therpist did that I wood yell at him but our Steve is good and not mean so it is ok.
Liza say thank to jamie an that be nise . Primrose and others — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
writes: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -These are main reasons why I stopped: 1. Therp is being supervised by person who does not believe in RA or in multiplicity. He does not have supervision from anyone else and sees no need. 2. He gives NOTHING of himself. I don’t mean personal details – I wouldn’t expect that. But I get no sense of him as a person. It’s like talking to a response machine. Sometimes the responses are good – but they don’t feel connected to a person. 3. I never FEEL anything in therapy. I just go and give a sort of report on how I have been in the past week – that’s all we do. 4. He’s not at all into self growth/self development for himself – and this is very important for me. 5. I’m not confident enough in him. I think that’s why I never feel anything. Not sure he would be able to handle it if i switched or anything like that. 6. And once he did laugh at one of littels. I show him something Liza did write an he laugh an he say what terrible writing and spelling she have. an Liza did crycrycry for longtiym. Those are main reasons. I would welcome feedback. I think I made the right decision to stop therapy, but I feel so bad that now I have no therapist again. Sort of like I’m grieving over something I never had, but I felt safer with the idea that I had it – if that makes sense. Primrose and others
If any therp. I had laughed at anything my alter wrote, I would have been humiliated. Espically if it were the first time I had shared such things with him. 1.You should always feel that you are being beleived and not question wether or not the person is really believing anything you say. 2.YOu should always feel like you are talking to a person and NOT a machine giving machanical responses. You should feel like the person is with you and listening to every word you are saying. You should feel like you are being supported and BELIEVED! 3. A good therp. will help you to get in touch with your feelings and not allow you to dissociate from them while you are in sesssion. 4. You should be more concerned with your own self growth/development and it sounds like you are. You should not have to worry about what he is doing for himself. 5. If I hear you right, you are saying that you don’t feel safe enough with him to let him get to know *all* of you. That is one of the most important things that *I* consider when *I* am going into therapy. I need to feel safe enough to show my true feelings and be able to accept help from the therp. in dealing with them. *I* would consider therapy to be a waste of time if *I* could not share feelings with my therp. 6. I am sorry Liza that that happened for you and I hope it never happens again. I wish I could see what you wrote and I promise I would not laugh at anything you ever had to say! If you can write, maybe you can write to the group and we will answer you and listen to you…I promise! Lots of Light! Liza, I am sorry for your tears. t his is Meez. Don’t cry. I would listen to you and not laugh and so would Kdristin ans Cheryl and Lisa too. Changes
Response:
If any therp. I had laughed at anything my alter wrote, I would have been humiliated. Espically if it were the first time I had shared such things with him.
He said he not mean to laugh. But he say Liza’s spelling was – he use long word – ‘atrocious’ And Liza not know what that mean but she know it was bad because he say it in like a sneery voice. 1.You should always feel that you are being beleived and not question wether or not the person is really believing anything you say.
I’m not sure if I know how to feel that I am believed. 2.YOu should always feel like you are talking to a person and NOT a machine giving machanical responses. You should feel like the person is with you and listening to every word you are saying. You should feel like you are being supported and BELIEVED!
I don’t know how this feels. 3. A good therp. will help you to get in touch with your feelings and not allow you to dissociate from them while you are in sesssion.
Don’t know how this feels either. It sounds very scary. 4. You should be more concerned with your own self growth/development and it sounds like you are. You should not have to worry about what he is doing for himself.
Yes, that’s right. 5. If I hear you right, you are saying that you don’t feel safe enough with him to let him get to know *all* of you. That is one of the most important things that *I* consider when *I* am going into therapy. I need to feel safe enough to show my true feelings and be able to accept help from the therp. in dealing with them. *I* would consider therapy to be a waste of time if *I* could not share feelings with my therp.
Yes. That’s why I finally decided to stop. 6. I am sorry Liza that that happened for you and I hope it never happens again. I wish I could see what you wrote and I promise I would not laugh at anything you ever had to say! If you can write, maybe you can write to the group and we will answer you and listen to you…I promise! Lots of Light! Liza, I am sorry for your tears. t his is Meez. Don’t cry. I would listen to you and not laugh and so would Kdristin ans Cheryl and Lisa too.
this be nise yuo say to me . i not rembre wat i riyted but he larf at me an he say it be bad wat i do an he say i not can riyt but i thinckded i can riyt . an i crycrycrycrycry becos i hav liyk bigbig hert thign an it hert me . lov from LIZA Changes
– For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
I am thinking of giving up therapy because I feel my therapist makes too many changes. I just get comfortable with one technique and feel I can work within in and then, seemingly because I don’t respond fast enough he changes and then denies he uses any techniques or changes, and if he does admit any of it, he says I create my own destiny (which I don’t deny) and implies therefore, that it is my fault if I am not comfortable with the way he is treating me. He keeps saying that I can ruin any relationship even ours, that I don’t take responsibility for my actions. I say I would like to but I just don’t know what actions he is talking about. His response has been a list over the last few weeks of every behaviour which pushes people away in a relationship (most of which I already know but don’t know what to do about) including him,This technique appeared suddenly when I asserted myself over his reprimand for something he did not like. Prior to that incident his technique was supportive and to be with me as I re-experienced the terrible past. I’ve become increasingly depressed and want to only hide because I feel like such a misfit. Is this a normal part of therapy? Should I hang in and things will get better? I’ve tried to talk to him about it but his mind seems closed and says he knows what is best for me more than I do (I don’t believe that and told him). I feel he is trying to force information out of me and I cannot work that way. I feel like I’m being attacked and/or that he is trying to manipulate me. I feel like I can’t take it but if I quit am I cutting off my nose to spit my face? Is this just part of therapy I should just grit my teeth and bear? He has been wonderful until recently. Has anyone else experience these kinds of experiences or is it something wrong with me? BH
Response:
writes: Liza, I am sorry for your tears. t his is Meez. Don’t cry. I would listen to you and not laugh and so would Kdristin ans Cheryl and Lisa too. this be nise yuo say to me . i not rembre wat i riyted but he larf at me an he say it be bad wat i do an he say i not can riyt but i thinckded i can riyt . an i crycrycrycrycry becos i hav liyk bigbig hert thign an it hert me . lov from LIZA Changes
Dear LIza, I carre about you and you keep writing and not be sad. Meezil and us gys are here to talk to you o-k-. Smiles to you. Changes
Response:
Has anyone else experience these kinds of experiences or is it something wrong with me? BH
I haven’t experienced this stuff yet, but therps aren’t perfect, and I have had a few problems with mine. But I believe there is nothing wrong with you. Although therps know more about therapy than we do, no one knows about us better than we do, no one, including junior god therps. If you are uncomfortable right now, and you tell him that, he should, IMHO, be willing to slow down for a while and let you get your bearings and work with him to figure out why your internal safety has been sent off center. Hope I helped. verna
Response:
I am thinking of giving up therapy because I feel my therapist makes too many changes. I just get comfortable with one technique and feel I can work within in and then, seemingly because I don’t respond fast enough he changes and then denies he uses any techniques or changes, and if he does admit any of it, he says I create my own destiny (which I don’t deny) and implies therefore, that it is my fault if I am not comfortable with the way he is treating me. He keeps saying that I can ruin any relationship even ours, that I don’t take responsibility for my actions. I say I would like to but I just don’t know what actions he is talking about. His response has been a list over the last few weeks of every behaviour which pushes people away in a relationship (most of which I already know but don’t know what to do about) including him,
So far, it sounds like it could be more of a misunderstanding or that you are putting him into a role he really isn’t taking. For example, sometimes I accuse my SO of telling me what to do because I am so used to adult males doing this to me. He rarely if ever does tell me what to do, so chances are that he isn’t really doing this and I’m reading things into his actions. This technique appeared suddenly when I asserted myself over his reprimand for something he did not like. Prior to that incident his technique was supportive and to be with me as I re-experienced the terrible past. I’ve become increasingly depressed and want to only hide because I feel like such a misfit. Is this a normal part of therapy?
Again, it could be that you are misinterpretting something or that he is mishearing what you are saying. It is very unprofessional for him to change his techniques in mid stride just because he doesn’t think you are progressing fast enough. Sure, if he thought it wasn’t helping then he could, but if you are making progress, that is the goal. To clear this up you could tell him very specifically that you don’t wnat him to do this. Rather than discuss _if_ he is doing it (cause he might be and deny it or he might not be and you are misinterpretting) try just describing what is happening that you don’t like and say what you would like instead. Maybe even show him the post you wrote to get you started. If he isn’t aware of the problem he can’t help, if he isn’t understanding the problem he can’t help, and if he doesn’t realize that you see it one way while he sees it another, he can’t help. If he is really doing something unprofessional and unhelpful you will probably find out pretty quick in a conversation like this! (If he says you are wrong for feeling this way, if he argues that this can’t ever happen, etc. there is a problem) Should I hang in and things will get better? I’ve tried to talk to him about it but his mind seems closed and says he knows what is best for me more than I do (I don’t believe that and told him). I feel he is trying to force information out of me and I cannot work that way. I feel like I’m being attacked and/or that he is trying to manipulate me. I feel like I can’t take it but if I quit am I cutting off my nose to spit my face? Is this just part of therapy I should just grit my teeth and bear? He has been wonderful until recently. Has anyone else experience these kinds of experiences or is it something wrong with me? BH
At the point you said ‘he says he knows what is best for me’ I started to get worried. If he actually said this, there is a problem. No therapist should say this for this reason! He _can’t_ know what is best for you unless he is a mind reader or all knowing. Then when you said ‘I feel he is trying to force information out of me’ I thought again that you might be misinterpreting things. This seems pretty confusing! I can’t say for sure what is going on, but it definitely seems like something to talk about in a way that is ’stepped back’ (kind of a meta discussion). Again, letting him read your post might be a good way to get it started. Any good therapist should be able to read between the lines in a post like this and address the ‘real’ issues (ie. miscommunication, misinterpretation, a mistake on his part, whatever) if he knows you well enough to know what your issues are. That would also be something to consider, the length of time you’ve seen this therapist, and your history with therapists. If you’ve seen this one for awhile and he’s always seemed capable in the past it would likely be a fixable problem. If you’ve had problems over and over in the past thinking that therapists are telling you what is best for you maybe you are picking the same type of therapist over and over or maybe you need to think more about this issue. These are just afew of the many possible examples of why it would be important for you to think abit about your history in therapy. But, you might just have a ‘lemon’ for a therapist. They are certainly out there! No one can tell you that, but leaving a bad therapist is _never_ cutting off your nose to spite your face!! Leaving a bad therapist is _smart_! I just can’t say if this is one of those times. Sounds like you have a tough decision and conversation ahead of you. Rainbow Colors (Jill) — I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
Response:
Hi guys! I saw my shrink today and she said that she has changed her whole outlook on DDs’ . She now thinks "thay are just a way of escaping." <—Duh! What is this a revelation or something? Isn’t that how it started in the first place? She now believes in "Behavioral Therapy", and oh yea, she gave me a whole 1/2 hr! And I haven’t seen her since April~! She only takes care of my meds…I have a sleeping dissorder too… and she said "Who are you seeing for therapy?" I said no one right now. I was thinking of seeing you a little more often. Then she remarked on how she hadn’t even seen me since April and she didn’t even know what was up with me. She made me feel like it was my fault or something. I had my last appointment with her in April then in May I had major surgery…I needed 6 weeks beforer I could drive more than 5 miles. If any females out there have had a hysterectomy, you know what I am talking about. So, here it is in August…she was on vacation in July…and dI am sitting there and she says, "Well you look better than I’ve ever seen you," smiles, and says she has to get going now! Huh? Did I miss something? What the *ell is this shi* all about anyway? That’s what I want too know. I know what behavioral therapy is and I just don’t have time to go to groups where someone talks at you and tells you how you *should* manage your feelings, thoughts, and actions. Then thay ask you "Now can you come up with an example of how and when you could *do* this? NO! And if I could I wouldn’t be here you stupid *itch! Ahem…sorry… Oh boy, Well, anyway, I guess I am on the outside looking in *again*! I have *switched* therapists so many times I am begining to feel like a multiple. 
Ahhh, sigh, a little humor goes a long way, a very little… I don’t know why I am writing this. Bye for now Changes Lots of Light! Changes etc.. When the world is upside down, Stand on your head!
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi guys! I saw my shrink today and she said that she has changed her whole outlook on DDs’ . She now thinks "thay are just a way of escaping." <—Duh! What is this a revelation or something? Isn’t that how it started in the first place? She now believes in "Behavioral Therapy", and oh yea, she gave me a whole 1/2 hr! And I haven’t seen her since April~! She only takes care of my meds…I have a sleeping dissorder too… and she said "Who are you seeing for therapy?" I said no one right now. I was thinking of seeing you a little more often. Then she remarked on how she hadn’t even seen me since April and she didn’t even know what was up with me. She made me feel like it was my fault or something. I had my last appointment with her in April then in May I had major surgery…I needed 6 weeks beforer I could drive more than 5 miles. If any females out there have had a hysterectomy, you know what I am talking about. So, here it is in August…she was on vacation in July…and dI am sitting there and she says, "Well you look better than I’ve ever seen you," smiles, and says she has to get going now! Huh? Did I miss something? What the *ell is this shi* all about anyway? That’s what I want too know. I know what behavioral therapy is and I just don’t have time to go to groups where someone talks at you and tells you how you *should* manage your feelings, thoughts, and actions. Then thay ask you "Now can you come up with an example of how and when you could *do* this? NO! And if I could I wouldn’t be here you stupid *itch! Ahem…sorry… Oh boy, Well, anyway, I guess I am on the outside looking in *again*! I have *switched* therapists so many times I am begining to feel like a multiple. Ahhh, sigh, a little humor goes a long way, a very little… I don’t know why I am writing this. Bye for now Changes Lots of Light! Changes etc.. When the world is upside down, Stand on your head!
We were in a behavioral therapy program for 1-1/2 years…it didn’t work for us…We knew a long time ago behavioral therapy isn’t a good fit for us, but we didn’t know the program we were going in was based on behavior/cognitive therapy…We recommend you find a new therapist ASAP…it will cause you less problems in the long run…we know how scary it is to start with new therapist…we have started with 3 since Dec 95. We have new psychiatrist, and two new therapists…but we think we finally found people who can help us. Trust your gut feelings. Beckie et al
Response:
Thanks, I just HATE finding new therps, Just when you get comfortable with them thay start to get weird on you. I don’t know…maybe no therapy for a while. I amm on Medicaid so it is hard for me to find providers, never mind someone who specializes in MPD stuff. I feel like I am on a dam*ed carousel…up and down, round and round. Just stuck I guess. I found someone nice but she does not take my coverage and wants 35 an hour. I know that’s not much, but when you don’t get much, that’s a lot. There are some people who take my coverage, but I have to do A LOT of footwork. I just don’t know if I am up to that right now. Lots of Light! Changes etc.. When the world is upside down, Stand on your head!
Response:
Peter, Can you tell me about Ego therapy and DID? I am only allowed to see this one therapist and he "says" he has dealt with DID before. He tells me he does Ego therapy, but I got a feeling he really doesn’t ‘believe?" in this whole thing.
There is ego *state* therapy, which involves talking to the alters; hypnosis is used. It doesn’t sound like this is what your therapist is doing. It was developed by John and Helen Watkins, and some people use it in treating DID. There is ego *psychology,* which is a variant of psychoanalytic treatment. It has a long and honorable history but nobody has written about using it in treating DID. I would suggest you get your therapist to be specific about what he does and what he expects from you. One way to get specificity is to tell him you’re trying to understand his approach (basically put your cards on the tabke; you’re the consumer and you’re entitled to this information) and ask him "What would you do if an alter talked to you? What would you do if an alter refused to talk to you? What would you do if I started to have a flashback during the session?" …etc. Ask him whatever your concerns are and then decide if this feels right for you. I hope this helps… Peter Horizons Counseling Services, Inc. 5851 Pearl Road, Suite 305 Parma Heights, OH 44130 216-845-9011 (press 6 if you get voice mail) fax: 216-845-9013
Response:
Behavior therapy by itself is not recommended as a treatment for DID; however *cognitive* therapy is a worthy approach that many in the dissociative disorders field are using, including Colin Ross and
I sat with my SO and a cognitive therapist once, during an inpatient stay. She asked me what I though was wrong. `Failure to diagnose and treat accordingly,’ I said. She then explained cognitive therapy to me, after which I couldn’t help but shake my head. HOW in the WORLD can someone be expected to get better if the ROOT of the problem isn’t addressed? The therp was discussing behavior, and all I could think about was that cognitive therapy won’t `fix’ a suicidal(homicidal?) alter. They were probably having a good howl at the therp’s expense. Buffoons. http://www.netaxs.com/~jeffv http://www.netaxs.com/~nukefish lefty guitar info, musical humor song parodies, as heard on Stern show
Response:
Gee I guess DID really should be for the rich eh? Sorry to sound like this, but it does upset me. Kaitlyn
ALL mental illnesses should be reserved for the rich. Most physical ilnesses qualify also. Just askl anyone with a child needing a liver or heart, etc., and they will tell you that the rich rule when it comes to accessing quality health care. I wish we could do something about it, but the voters sent in republicans two years ago with the agenda to cut taxes and do it by cutting benefits for the poor. And God help you if you are lower middle class! No money, high taxes, greedy insurance companies, no government help, ooohhh boy, could I go on forever. But back to the subject, I agree with Peter in that multiples need at least an hour long session every week. I pay for my own, but I owe my therapist my soul in unpaid sessions. Luckily he doesn’t seem to have a need for an extra soul right now……. I wish I could fix this mess, but I’m afraid we are all stuck with it.
Response:
Hi guys! I saw my shrink today and she said that she has changed her whole outlook on DDs’ . She now thinks "thay are just a way of escaping." <—Duh! What is this a revelation or something? Isn’t that how it started in the first place? She now believes in "Behavioral Therapy", and oh yea, she gave me a whole 1/2 hr!
Behavior therapy by itself is not recommended as a treatment for DID; however *cognitive* therapy is a worthy approach that many in the dissociative disorders field are using, including Colin Ross and Catherine Fine. They are not using it in the same way as is described in books on cognitive therapy with other conditions such as depression, BTW. The essence of the approach is that therapist and patient are active partners in identifying and changing dysfunctional beliefs that are causing difficulties (such as "The abuse was my fault," or "I’m bad because my body responded sexually to the abuse.") However cognitive therapy has nothing to do with telling people that DID is "a way of escaping," as if that were really NEWS to anybody who has lived through abuse! And 1/2-hour psychotherapy for DID is far from what’s generally recommended. Most therapists treating DID see patients for one or two 60-90-minute sessions per week, with some variation because different patients need different things of course. Peter Horizons Counseling Services, Inc. 5851 Pearl Road, Suite 305 Parma Heights, OH 44130 216-845-9011 (press 6 if you get voice mail) fax: 216-845-9013
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.