Question:
Someone sent me this anonymously. Probably should be spoilered for religious references by this person and general strangeness. # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ——Original Message—– Dear server, I don’t have any idea why I am changing? I love myself so very much…and I really love people. The X factor in my life has got me torn between good and evil. I know that having more people than just me inside of me means that I am really evil. A part of me is really close to God. Another part of me is really evil. My heart sores with compassion, but something really cold and really bad thickens it with darkness. I sometimes, if I close my eyes long enough…can hear the voices of hell ring into my ears. I am not complete…but know that if I wait any longer, I may loose myself to whatever grows down there. They are getting stronger, I am getting weaker. I talk to these people but not as much as before. I have many different sides to me that confuses my identity enough to have me a big headache. And what a headache. Constantly correcting, constantly insisting not, constantly denying, constantly hurting, constantly asking, constantly talking, constantly being reminded of the torture that goes on inside of my good body. From afar I appear collective..I appear to have things all straighten out…Then from their point of views I have them fooled and I deep thick voice I want them out. I want everything out. I have done everything that my body can take. What else do you want? LLLLLLEEEEEEAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE MMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOONNNNNNEEEE Leave me alone…..please……I beg them…..leave me stop hurting me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,why? Who am I? I sometimes wonder this at night? I ponder forever??????wondering…..who am I really? Am I that strong Christian? or Am I those demons in the closet? Can I be both? Does that mean I am demonic? Does God hate me? Where am Iwhere in the world am I then… The misplaced initial in my name…..the confusion haunts me. — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Dear todoe, Maybe they just hit the wrong reply to button, I’ve done that. Instead of the reply to group, it’s gone to an individual whose post I was reading, I think, because I haven’t seen it posted. They obviously are in a similar position to me…I have been stuck with a miserable headache my T says is the result of conflict between inner states. I’m having a hard time filling my teens needs. My sanctimoniously devout one hasn’t been out much lately, or else my house would be cleaner *g*( she’s the neat freak) Who ever it was sounded to upset and panic stricken to remember to spoiler and splat. I hope you’re okay, and I hope they find some comfort in our group. Suze
Response:
No so bizarre for DID. Last night I had to cry myself to sleep and kick my parents and other demons out of my soul in order to sleep. I just said GET OUT!!! over over and louder and LOUDER. I said "you’re not supposed to be in here with me" over and over and they left and I wiped my tears and smiled after the pain stopped and went to sleep. I feel good today for it. Must learn to be tough with the spirit world and self. Firm but not mean, patient but insistent. Then it goes away. Usually. I share this because I love anyone who has had to go to such emotional extremes to stay alive with BPD and PTSD. Its not a fun combination. Hang in there. Tom – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Someone sent me this anonymously. Probably should be spoilered for religious references by this person and general strangeness. # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # —–Original Message—– Dear server, I don’t have any idea why I am changing? I love myself so very much…and I really love people. The X factor in my life has got me torn between good and evil. I know that having more people than just me inside of me means that I am really evil. A part of me is really close to God. Another part of me is really evil. My heart sores with compassion, but something really cold and really bad thickens it with darkness. I sometimes, if I close my eyes long enough…can hear the voices of hell ring into my ears. I am not complete…but know that if I wait any longer, I may loose myself to whatever grows down there. They are getting stronger, I am getting weaker. I talk to these people but not as much as before. I have many different sides to me that confuses my identity enough to have me a big headache. And what a headache. Constantly correcting, constantly insisting not, constantly denying, constantly hurting, constantly asking, constantly talking, constantly being reminded of the torture that goes on inside of my good body. From afar I appear collective..I appear to have things all straighten out…Then from their point of views I have them fooled and I deep thick voice I want them out. I want everything out. I have done everything that my body can take. What else do you want? LLLLLLEEEEEEAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE MMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOONNNNNNEEEE Leave me alone…..please……I beg them…..leave me stop hurting me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,why? Who am I? I sometimes wonder this at night? I ponder forever??????wondering…..who am I really? Am I that strong Christian? or Am I those demons in the closet? Can I be both? Does that mean I am demonic? Does God hate me? Where am Iwhere in the world am I then… The misplaced initial in my name…..the confusion haunts me. — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.