Question:
It sounds like the struggle seems to be either to take care of yourself or to help her. It’s like in this area there’s been a sudden role reversal in your friendship. I would take this time to center myself, and deal with how these changes effect me. If she needs something more, you could suggest that she read up on what she’s going through. She could ask her therapist to suggest some books. Taking care of yourself is the most important thing. Give her time to find her balance and then decide whether you want to be a support person for her. Perhaps set some new bounderies in the friendship. For example, not talking to your parents about you. Ruby
Response:
Hi Fierce, For me, I have different friends, for different reasons. Some of them, I only talk to about boring, everyday ‘weather’ talk. To the others, which are few, I talk about my problems and my real feelings. I do this, because I know they care and listen and understand. My ‘weather talk’ friends, I have not taken the risk to find out if they could really be there or understand. With this friend of yours, perhaps you need to figure out, just how much you can trust her and how much you think she is capable of understanding. It could be that when she has a hard time hearing you, that it is because maybe what you are saying, is hitting too close to home for her and making her uncomfortable. It may be that she understands all to well and not that she cannot relate. I sometimes have a hard time hearing others, if they are talking about things that I am currently avoiding in my own life. As far as her telling your parents things, it sounds like if there are things you don’t want her telling them, you should make that very clear to her and if she cannot do this, dont talk to her about them. Also perhaps you could recommend some books on healing for her or that she see a therapist. And if you wouldnt be comfortable posting, knowing she is reading, than I wouldn’t invite her to this place. At least, until you dont feel as threatened. I think you need to have a serious sit down talk with this friend and see what the two of you can come up with, as far as trust and safety issues. I hope things get better between the two of you. Communication, usually helps. <g Take care, Annabelle of AllofDark "To Thine Ownselves Be True"
Response:
Jessi, IMHO you would need to take care of yourself first. Without doing that it would be much more difficult to help someone else. At least in the way that your friend is asking/needing help. Sounds like she is asking for more than you can give right now and that’s ok. Isn’t it? I think so. IMHO of course. I mean for what is worth. I say trust your instincts. Go with them. Let them be your guide. If your instincts tell you that you don’t want to discuss dis stuff with her then you have your answer. She will find the help she needs. She sounds resourceful enough. Take care of you. You are just as important. puzzle pieces – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi all, Jessi here. newly named, but ive been here before. This post is about a problem I’m having. I feel it is weird for me to post about a problem, like i never have any(such denial!:) feedback would be welcome. My friend has recently begun therapy for PTSD, and was diagnosed as being dissociative (instead of anxiety<i never thought they were mutually exclusive) I could sort of tell that she dissociates, but never said anything, cause i figured she’d deal with it when she was ready. (i’ve known her for 5 yrs) today she wrote me an email w/talk of how she feels about all this. she is scared. i heard so many echos of what i read here. i don’t know what to say to her. this is probabaly the 1st time where i know more than she does (or at least she is acting like i do-she usually acts like she always on top of everything) so this scares me. i want to help. they (the other insiders ) say it is up to me to help cause i am the talker. but i don’t know what to say. none of us talk about serious stuff well. someothers want to say stuff: we are angry cause she couldn’t be there for us when we go thru similar stuff cuase she didnt understand she heard but did not listen. she still doesnt hear and we are scared to tell her the truth. (?) we cannot say the words of the truth because they sear thru all things. If we speak of these things the world will crumble. She wants us to speak of the things that keep us together, unraveling. we tell Jessi to divert the conversation. Her friend does not know these rules of nonspeak. (the silent ones) Me again. My friend is studying to enter the social services field and is scared that higher ups will prevent her from continuing. But i will tell her of the many people i read here who are in human/helping fields. & that just because she is dissociative does not mean she cant be a successful social worker. another thing is that i want to tell her of this place, but i am afraid of her seeing how crazy i am. (or how crazy i think i am?) ive said that i tried to tell her during these last few months about my dissociation, but that she doesnt hear. i am also scared that she will be worse off than i have been. i am ashamed of feeling this way. but control is a big issue for me, as is keeping myself from getting too crazy (or others from seeing it) but i am afraid that i may see her as she deals with all this new info, plus all the stresses she has lately, having bad times. sigh. i can be big and strong for myself but not for others. i wish i could be so strong as to lift this all up and throw it out the window. so i should speak with about these things to calm her fears (she has much misinformation about dissociation) but from the silent ones & others come warnings thatthis thing should be denied. My friend was here last weekend and she "told secrets" to my folks. She just doesn’t know the rules and I couldnt talk to her about how she broke them cause then id be breaking them. sigh. are you all still with me? im not. she told of my smoking yes it is me sometimes. telling them how surprised she was to find cigs in my car cause i am supposed to be the big nonsmoker. she didnt know she was breaking my trust. so i am scared to talk to much of all this dis. stuff, cause i dont want to tell her any of my bad stuff. i am so scared of my parents knowing. sorry ive rambled and wasted your time. any suggestions on helping my friend would be appreciated. thank you. Jessi fierce & the flitls There’s nothing lisa 8 jenny to fear but… Jessi talking (sheesh)
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