Question:
Hi peoples: I am so glad to have found a group that contains individuals which go through the same things that I do. I have felt so alone with this problem of losing time, and forgetting information, the voices , etc. In regards to forgetting stuff, I do not understand why this happens. I have two different wqays of forgetting things: forgetting because I am not "mentally" present and forgetting even though I am present. I wish I understood where this info goes and how I can get it back. I feel like an idiot even though I actually am working on my post graduate degree. You would think I was intelligent. However, half of the time I can not remember the contents of courses I am taking or have taken. Yet, somehow I manage to pass. Does this make sense to anyone? Or the classic – Baking a cake and finding out that I have left out some of the more mundane ingredients like eggs or flour. GEEZ, do I feel like a
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi peoples: I am so glad to have found a group that contains individuals which go through the same things that I do. I have felt so alone with this problem of losing time, and forgetting information, the voices , etc. In regards to forgetting stuff, I do not understand why this happens. I have two different wqays of forgetting things: forgetting because I am not "mentally" present and forgetting even though I am present. I wish I understood where this info goes and how I can get it back. I feel like an idiot even though I actually am working on my post graduate degree. You would think I was intelligent. However, half of the time I can not remember the contents of courses I am taking or have taken. Yet, somehow I manage to pass. Does this make sense to anyone? Or the classic – Baking a cake and finding out that I have left out some of the more mundane ingredients like eggs or flour. GEEZ, do I feel like a
Maybe this just shows how well you will fit in here 
I too wonder how I made it as far as I have in school and professionally. In my case it’s sometimes obvious because one of the others in my system knows the stuff I don’t. What really worries me is the times when _none_ of us know the info. Then I start to worry, are there more alters? I have been doing some really interesting reading about traumatic memory lately and I believe that alot of the problems come from the way my brain stores the memories. Due to the trauma in the past my brain has been ‘taught’ to use different brain chemicals, or to use these chemicals differently than ‘normal’ so that my brain no longer stores memories like ‘normal’. Because of the ptsd I am constantly in a state of anxiety or hypervigilance so my brain gets alot more adrenalin and such than ‘normal’. This is interferring with my brain’s ability to process and store memories over the long term. It is possible that much of what happens to me on a daily basis is never stored in my brain at all (in one ear and out the next:) I also believe that this is why I’m so obsessive and such a perfectionist about many things, if I’m likely to forget the obvious like the flour for the cake, it seems reasonable to just check and re-check and double check, and so on until I’m sure I haven’t goofed! Now if this theory would just work! And finally, now that we are more co-conscious and doing less switching (with lost time) I find this is worse than before. In the past I would forget X but just not care, now I get all upset and worried that it means I’m losing time again when it really just means I’m being dissociative due to stress or whatever. This is really demonstrating how dissociation is on a continuum to me! Rainbow Colors (Jill, pretty sure she knows where she parked her car today!:) — I choose to post non-anon because my abusers are afraid. They would have to admit something happened in order to confront me; this they will never do. They are the only people who will be upset if they know who I am, and they are too afraid to admit to what they did. Black of Rainbow Colors
Response:
Samstag, 13 April 1996, Rainbow Colors writes to All: RC I too wonder how I made it as far as I have in school and RC professionally. In my case it’s sometimes obvious because one of the RC others in my system knows the stuff I don’t. What really worries me is RC the times when _none_ of us know the info. Then I start to worry, are RC there more alters? Ar least for us, there are various degrees of not knowing, forgetting things and repressing memories. With one of us (Fletcher) right now retrieving lots of lost memories, well – obviously, he has his own repressed memories, so you could say, that this is/was info none of us had/has without there being more alters. Not that knowing this keeps me from sometimes worrying, are there more to us? but then, _none_ in here feels there are more, so why not trust this? (Well, apart from the debate where our hysterical one who was "lost" more than ten years ago went – die she integrate into me or into Vampyre or both of us or none of us?). Sorry for the incoherent flow of thoughts here. It’s Sunday, you know? Mischa & co. (who think Sundays are great for not trying too hard to be coherent:)
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