Question:
Hi diane…..I wanted to respond to your post, and find that e said everything I wanted to say, except she said it much better. Flashbacks whether true or untrue are awful. I hope you feel better. Nahanton – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i don’t want to write about these, because they feel awful, but i’m trying to convince myself they are not real, that they didn’t really happen and that they are just stuck in my head for some sick, stupid reason. i can’t figure out the reason, though, why they would be…why would anybody make such things up, then have them linger about in their head giving them night and daymares all the time? spoilered big time for detailed description of ab*se involving animals (yeah, that’s what i mean), and other s*xual ab*se involving the bathtub, which may or may not have happened. don’t read if you’re not in a safe place. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * when we had our old t, lizzie abreacted once, going through this whole abuse scenario with our 2 cousins, my grandma’s dog (who was my best friend), and her. my cousins made her kneel down, put her hands behind her back, and, um…. well…put the dog’s (you know) in her mouth. i can’t even write it. ugh. it makes me sick just to think about it. and the thing is, the whole thing comes back to me over and over again, sensations and all, and it won’t go away. but that couldn’t have happened, could it? i mean, ugh. makes me feel all dirty inside. sorry that you feel dirty. i understand. i don’t think you’re dirty though. it does sound yucky but if lizzie did it, she only did it bc your cousins made her. yuck! neither you nor she is dirty bc of it. and then there was another time when lizzie was in the bathroom with our d*d, and he was in the tub and forced her head underwater near his (you know), so (she says) she could "kiss it." ughughugh. can’t stand to think about that. i don’t remember the dog thing at all, but i do remember this one…the water and my d*d, although i don’t remember being forced underwater. :( i just can’t believe they happened. but i can’t explain why i’d be having these images if they didn’t. hey, diane. this doesn’t help but i don’t think flashbacks are any indication at all as to whether something happened or not. i’ve had them for things that i know did, things that i know didn’t, and things that may or may not have happened. it’s been documented that ppl have had them about things that clearly didn’t happen. and it’s been documented that ppl have very accurate ones about things that did. and fairly inaccurate ones about things that did. and all kinds of things in between. one things for sure. they all suck. big time. doesn’t matter if what you’re "remembering" happened or not. a flashback sux. sorry you’re having them. sorry lizzie has those bad memories. and, whether they’re accurate or not, i bet there’s some reason she’d remember your cousins and dad doing those things. i bet your cousins weren’t nice to her. :( i bet there’s some reason you remember that about your dad, too. i don’t know what the reason is. i don’t know if you’ll ever figure out or not. memories are like that, unfortunately. :-P~~ i hope you all can find some peace about that. i wish you didn’t have those bad memories or flashbacks. i hope the flashbacks stop soon. e confused. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. — Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
i don’t want to write about these, because they feel awful, but i’m trying to convince myself they are not real, that they didn’t really happen and that they are just stuck in my head for some sick, stupid reason. i can’t figure out the reason, though, why they would be…why would anybody make such things up, then have them linger about in their head giving them night and daymares all the time? spoilered big time for detailed description of ab*se involving animals (yeah, that’s what i mean), and other s*xual ab*se involving the bathtub, which may or may not have happened. don’t read if you’re not in a safe place. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * when we had our old t, lizzie abreacted once, going through this whole abuse scenario with our 2 cousins, my grandma’s dog (who was my best friend), and her. my cousins made her kneel down, put her hands behind her back, and, um…. well…put the dog’s (you know) in her mouth. i can’t even write it. ugh. it makes me sick just to think about it. and the thing is, the whole thing comes back to me over and over again, sensations and all, and it won’t go away. but that couldn’t have happened, could it? i mean, ugh. makes me feel all dirty inside. and then there was another time when lizzie was in the bathroom with our d*d, and he was in the tub and forced her head underwater near his (you know), so (she says) she could "kiss it." ughughugh. can’t stand to think about that. i don’t remember the dog thing at all, but i do remember this one…the water and my d*d, although i don’t remember being forced underwater. i just can’t believe they happened. but i can’t explain why i’d be having these images if they didn’t. confused. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
Maybe it would help you to think of this the way I figured out how to think of it. Whatever you remember is in the past. It is done and it isn’t going to happen again. What it is and why doesn’t matter any more cuase it’s done and past. But how it affects you DOES matter and that is what you should focus on. The specific details aren’t important. It’s over with. Just focus on your feelings and beliefs and reactions from it and, if necessary, pretend it was real for the time being just so you can access the feelings and reactions and stuff. Work on _those_ and then it really won’t matter in the end if the details are true cause you will have resolved the important stuff. Most of my memories are in the form of dream like maybe it happened but I can’t fathom that it did sort of things. Huge chunks of these memories are missing most of the time. I no longer worry about any details being true or not cause I’m never even sure if they are real. Once I accepted that I wasn’t going to have worry about the reality of any given memory I was able to heal a lot faster and better. And yeah, probly most of what I remember _is_ true *shrug* Rainbow Colors (Jill) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i don’t want to write about these, because they feel awful, but i’m trying to convince myself they are not real, that they didn’t really happen and that they are just stuck in my head for some sick, stupid reason. i can’t figure out the reason, though, why they would be…why would anybody make such things up, then have them linger about in their head giving them night and daymares all the time? spoilered big time for detailed description of ab*se involving animals (yeah, that’s what i mean), and other s*xual ab*se involving the bathtub, which may or may not have happened. don’t read if you’re not in a safe place. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * when we had our old t, lizzie abreacted once, going through this whole abuse scenario with our 2 cousins, my grandma’s dog (who was my best friend), and her. my cousins made her kneel down, put her hands behind her back, and, um…. well…put the dog’s (you know) in her mouth. i can’t even write it. ugh. it makes me sick just to think about it. and the thing is, the whole thing comes back to me over and over again, sensations and all, and it won’t go away. but that couldn’t have happened, could it? i mean, ugh. makes me feel all dirty inside. and then there was another time when lizzie was in the bathroom with our d*d, and he was in the tub and forced her head underwater near his (you know), so (she says) she could "kiss it." ughughugh. can’t stand to think about that. i don’t remember the dog thing at all, but i do remember this one…the water and my d*d, although i don’t remember being forced underwater. i just can’t believe they happened. but i can’t explain why i’d be having these images if they didn’t. confused. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. — Brooke Medicine Eagle
– The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing we are becoming white light.
Response:
Flashbacks whether true or untrue are awful. I hope you feel better.
thanks, Nahanton. i appreciate your kind thoughts. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i don’t want to write about these, because they feel awful, but i’m trying to convince myself they are not real, that they didn’t really happen and that they are just stuck in my head for some sick, stupid reason. i can’t figure out the reason, though, why they would be…why would anybody make such things up, then have them linger about in their head giving them night and daymares all the time? spoilered big time for detailed description of ab*se involving animals (yeah, that’s what i mean), and other s*xual ab*se involving the bathtub, which may or may not have happened. don’t read if you’re not in a safe place. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * when we had our old t, lizzie abreacted once, going through this whole abuse scenario with our 2 cousins, my grandma’s dog (who was my best friend), and her. my cousins made her kneel down, put her hands behind her back, and, um…. well…put the dog’s (you know) in her mouth. i can’t even write it. ugh. it makes me sick just to think about it. and the thing is, the whole thing comes back to me over and over again, sensations and all, and it won’t go away. but that couldn’t have happened, could it? i mean, ugh. makes me feel all dirty inside. sorry that you feel dirty. i understand. i don’t think you’re dirty though. it does sound yucky but if lizzie did it, she only did it bc your cousins made her. yuck! neither you nor she is dirty bc of it.
thanks. i think i understand that we’re not, i just can’t put the knowing and feeling together on this one. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -and then there was another time when lizzie was in the bathroom with our d*d, and he was in the tub and forced her head underwater near his (you know), so (she says) she could "kiss it." ughughugh. can’t stand to think about that. i don’t remember the dog thing at all, but i do remember this one…the water and my d*d, although i don’t remember being forced underwater. :( i just can’t believe they happened. but i can’t explain why i’d be having these images if they didn’t. hey, diane. this doesn’t help but i don’t think flashbacks are any indication at all as to whether something happened or not. i’ve had them for things that i know did, things that i know didn’t, and things that may or may not have happened. it’s been documented that ppl have had them about things that clearly didn’t happen. and it’s been documented that ppl have very accurate ones about things that did. and fairly inaccurate ones about things that did. and all kinds of things in between.
that’s interesting. didn’t know that. it helps. sort of. i mean, at least i know that other people experience the same sort of not-knowing. one things for sure. they all suck. big time. doesn’t matter if what you’re "remembering" happened or not. a flashback sux.
*nodding* sorry you’re having them. sorry lizzie has those bad memories. and, whether they’re accurate or not, i bet there’s some reason she’d remember your cousins and dad doing those things. i bet your cousins weren’t nice to her. :( i bet there’s some reason you remember that about your dad, too. i don’t know what the reason is. i don’t know if you’ll ever figure out or not. memories are like that, unfortunately. :-P~~ i hope you all can find some peace about that.
yeah. thanks. i wish you didn’t have those bad memories or flashbacks. i hope the flashbacks stop soon. e
thanks. me, too. Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
Maybe it would help you to think of this the way I figured out how to think of it. Whatever you remember is in the past. It is done and it isn’t going to happen again. What it is and why doesn’t matter any more cuase it’s done and past. But how it affects you DOES matter and that is what you should focus on.
yeah, this is -really- helpful, actually. The specific details aren’t important. It’s over with. Just focus on your feelings and beliefs and reactions from it and, if necessary, pretend it was real for the time being just so you can access the feelings and reactions and stuff. Work on _those_ and then it really won’t matter in the end if the details are true cause you will have resolved the important stuff. Most of my memories are in the form of dream like maybe it happened but I can’t fathom that it did sort of things. Huge chunks of these memories are missing most of the time. I no longer worry about any details being true or not cause I’m never even sure if they are real. Once I accepted that I wasn’t going to have worry about the reality of any given memory I was able to heal a lot faster and better.
i can see the benefit here, but did you ever feel any guilt? i mean, if i am just "dreaming" up these things about somebody doing bad things to me and they didn’t really, then what kind of person am i??? that’s where i get stuck. otherwise, i can certainly see that working on the reactions to and effects of the flashbacks would move healing along a lot quicker. And yeah, probly most of what I remember _is_ true *shrug*
thanks. diane, of Ravensong – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Rainbow Colors (Jill) i don’t want to write about these, because they feel awful, but i’m trying to convince myself they are not real, that they didn’t really happen and that they are just stuck in my head for some sick, stupid reason. i can’t figure out the reason, though, why they would be…why would anybody make such things up, then have them linger about in their head giving them night and daymares all the time? spoilered big time for detailed description of ab*se involving animals (yeah, that’s what i mean), and other s*xual ab*se involving the bathtub, which may or may not have happened. don’t read if you’re not in a safe place. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * when we had our old t, lizzie abreacted once, going through this whole abuse scenario with our 2 cousins, my grandma’s dog (who was my best friend), and her. my cousins made her kneel down, put her hands behind her back, and, um…. well…put the dog’s (you know) in her mouth. i can’t even write it. ugh. it makes me sick just to think about it. and the thing is, the whole thing comes back to me over and over again, sensations and all, and it won’t go away. but that couldn’t have happened, could it? i mean, ugh. makes me feel all dirty inside. and then there was another time when lizzie was in the bathroom with our d*d, and he was in the tub and forced her head underwater near his (you know), so (she says) she could "kiss it." ughughugh. can’t stand to think about that. i don’t remember the dog thing at all, but i do remember this one…the water and my d*d, although i don’t remember being forced underwater. i just can’t believe they happened. but i can’t explain why i’d be having these images if they didn’t. confused. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. — Brooke Medicine Eagle — The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing we are becoming white light.
In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
Maybe it would help you to think of this the way I figured out how to think of it. Whatever you remember is in the past. It is done and it isn’t going to happen again. What it is and why doesn’t matter any more cuase it’s done and past. But how it affects you DOES matter and that is what you should focus on. yeah, this is -really- helpful, actually.
*nods* i think so too. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – The specific details aren’t important. It’s over with. Just focus on your feelings and beliefs and reactions from it and, if necessary, pretend it was real for the time being just so you can access the feelings and reactions and stuff. Work on _those_ and then it really won’t matter in the end if the details are true cause you will have resolved the important stuff. Most of my memories are in the form of dream like maybe it happened but I can’t fathom that it did sort of things. Huge chunks of these memories are missing most of the time. I no longer worry about any details being true or not cause I’m never even sure if they are real. Once I accepted that I wasn’t going to have worry about the reality of any given memory I was able to heal a lot faster and better. i can see the benefit here, but did you ever feel any
guilt? i mean, if i am just "dreaming" up these things about somebody doing bad
things to me and they didn’t really, then what kind of person am i??? that’s
where i get stuck. it’s not really them. it’s a mental image that is based on them, but it’s *your* version of them, inside of your head. it’s not the "real" them. and enough bad things happened to you that if you needed to hook an image onto me, for example, so you have a focus for the image so that you could work through the emotions that still bug you, i’d have no problem with that. we’re due some leeway in this world. do what u need to do to heal. this is just my thinking on this. ymmv. jen(jt) otherwise, i can certainly see that working on the
reactions to and effects of the flashbacks would move healing along a lot quicker. And yeah, probly most of what I remember _is_ true *shrug* thanks. diane, of Ravensong Rainbow Colors (Jill) In article
i don’t want to write about these, because they feel
awful, but i’m trying to convince myself they are not real, that they didn’t
really happen and that they are just stuck in my head for some sick, stupid reason. i can’t figure out the reason, though, why they would be…why would anybody
make such things up, then have them linger about in their head giving them night
and daymares all the time? spoilered big time for detailed description of ab*se involving animals (yeah, that’s what i mean), and other s*xual ab*se involving
the bathtub, which may – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – or may not have happened. don’t read if you’re not in a safe place. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * when we had our old t, lizzie abreacted once, going
through this whole abuse scenario with our 2 cousins, my grandma’s dog (who was
my best friend), and her. my cousins made her kneel down, put her hands
behind her back, and, um…. well…put the dog’s (you know) in her mouth. i
can’t even write it. ugh. it makes me sick just to think about it. and the thing is, the whole thing comes back to me over and over again, sensations
and all, and it won’t go away. but that couldn’t have happened, could it? i
mean, ugh. makes me feel all dirty inside. and then there was another time when lizzie was in the bathroom with our d*d, and he was in the tub and forced her head underwater
near his (you know), so – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – (she says) she could "kiss it." ughughugh. can’t stand to think about that. i don’t remember the dog thing at all, but i do remember this one…the water and my d*d, although i don’t remember being forced underwater. i just can’t believe they happened. but i can’t explain why i’d be having these images if they didn’t. confused. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. — Brooke Medicine Eagle —
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing we are becoming white light. In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
didn’t read below spoiler, and thanks for being so careful w/it, but wanted you to know that i’m thinking of you and hoping the best for you. jt
i don’t want to write about these, because they feel
awful, but i’m trying to convince myself they are not real, that they didn’t really
happen and that they are just stuck in my head for some sick, stupid reason. i
can’t figure out the reason, though, why they would be…why would anybody make
such things up, then have them linger about in their head giving them night and daymares all the time? spoilered big time for detailed description of ab*se
involving animals (yeah, that’s what i mean), and other s*xual ab*se involving the
bathtub, which may or – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – may not have happened. don’t read if you’re not in a safe place. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * when we had our old t, lizzie abreacted once, going
through this whole abuse scenario with our 2 cousins, my grandma’s dog (who was my best friend), and her. my cousins made her kneel down, put her hands behind her back, and, um…. well…put the dog’s (you know) in her mouth. i
can’t even write it. ugh. it makes me sick just to think about it. and the thing is, the whole thing comes back to me over and over again, sensations and
all, and it won’t go away. but that couldn’t have happened, could it? i mean, ugh. makes me feel all dirty inside. and then there was another time when lizzie was in the
bathroom with our d*d, and he was in the tub and forced her head underwater near his (you know), so (she says) she could "kiss it." ughughugh. can’t stand
to think about that. i don’t remember the dog thing at all, but i do remember
this one…the water – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – and my d*d, although i don’t remember being forced underwater. i just can’t believe they happened. but i can’t explain why i’d be having these images if they didn’t. confused. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Maybe it would help you to think of this the way I figured out how to think of it. Whatever you remember is in the past. It is done and it isn’t going to happen again. What it is and why doesn’t matter any more cuase it’s done and past. But how it affects you DOES matter and that is what you should focus on. yeah, this is -really- helpful, actually. The specific details aren’t important. It’s over with. Just focus on your feelings and beliefs and reactions from it and, if necessary, pretend it was real for the time being just so you can access the feelings and reactions and stuff. Work on _those_ and then it really won’t matter in the end if the details are true cause you will have resolved the important stuff. Most of my memories are in the form of dream like maybe it happened but I can’t fathom that it did sort of things. Huge chunks of these memories are missing most of the time. I no longer worry about any details being true or not cause I’m never even sure if they are real. Once I accepted that I wasn’t going to have worry about the reality of any given memory I was able to heal a lot faster and better. i can see the benefit here, but did you ever feel any guilt? i mean, if i am just "dreaming" up these things about somebody doing bad things to me and they didn’t really, then what kind of person am i??? that’s where i get stuck.
Well, if I was going to confront them or if I was looking to see if they were true then yes I would feel lots of guilt. But it’s like a working title for a book. While you are doing the first draft you call it x, knowing full well that it might very well change as you go along. It might not, but it might. Also, keep in mind that we are talking about details, not the ‘did something bad happen’ or ‘was this person involved’ type of thinking. By the time I was doing this I was pretty sure that person y had done stuff, it was just _what_ that stuff was that was at question. So, I kind of felt free to let my mind wander. I already _knew_ he was an *sshole, just how much of one was what was up in the air. Like in your example, I’d bet you already have a good sense that you and your cousins weren’t the best of friends at that time. This just fills in something to help you explore those feelings and your reactions. Rainbow Colors (Jill) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -otherwise, i can certainly see that working on the reactions to and effects of the flashbacks would move healing along a lot quicker. And yeah, probly most of what I remember _is_ true *shrug* thanks. diane, of Ravensong Rainbow Colors (Jill) i don’t want to write about these, because they feel awful, but i’m trying to convince myself they are not real, that they didn’t really happen and that they are just stuck in my head for some sick, stupid reason. i can’t figure out the reason, though, why they would be…why would anybody make such things up, then have them linger about in their head giving them night and daymares all the time? spoilered big time for detailed description of ab*se involving animals (yeah, that’s what i mean), and other s*xual ab*se involving the bathtub, which may or may not have happened. don’t read if you’re not in a safe place. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * when we had our old t, lizzie abreacted once, going through this whole abuse scenario with our 2 cousins, my grandma’s dog (who was my best friend), and her. my cousins made her kneel down, put her hands behind her back, and, um…. well…put the dog’s (you know) in her mouth. i can’t even write it. ugh. it makes me sick just to think about it. and the thing is, the whole thing comes back to me over and over again, sensations and all, and it won’t go away. but that couldn’t have happened, could it? i mean, ugh. makes me feel all dirty inside. and then there was another time when lizzie was in the bathroom with our d*d, and he was in the tub and forced her head underwater near his (you know), so (she says) she could "kiss it." ughughugh. can’t stand to think about that. i don’t remember the dog thing at all, but i do remember this one…the water and my d*d, although i don’t remember being forced underwater. i just can’t believe they happened. but i can’t explain why i’d be having these images if they didn’t. confused. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. — Brooke Medicine Eagle — The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing we are becoming white light. In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. — Brooke Medicine Eagle
– The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing we are becoming white light.
Response:
didn’t read below spoiler, and thanks for being so careful w/it, but wanted you to know that i’m thinking of you and hoping the best for you.
you’re welcome, and thanks. :-) diane In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
Dear diane – I am sorry you are s*ffering. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i don’t want to write about these, because they feel awful, but i’m trying to convince myself they are not real, that they didn’t really happen and that they are just stuck in my head for some sick, stupid reason. i can’t figure out the reason, though, why they would be…why would anybody make such things up, then have them linger about in their head giving them night and daymares all the time? spoilered big time for detailed description of ab*se involving animals (yeah, that’s what i mean), and other s*xual ab*se involving the bathtub, which may or may not have happened. don’t read if you’re not in a safe place. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * when we had our old t, lizzie abreacted once, going through this whole abuse scenario with our 2 cousins, my grandma’s dog (who was my best friend), and her. my cousins made her kneel down, put her hands behind her back, and, um…. well…put the dog’s (you know) in her mouth. i can’t even write it. ugh. it makes me sick just to think about it. and the thing is, the whole thing comes back to me over and over again, sensations and all, and it won’t go away. but that couldn’t have happened, could it? i mean, ugh. makes me feel all dirty inside. and then there was another time when lizzie was in the bathroom with our d*d, and he was in the tub and forced her head underwater near his (you know), so (she says) she could "kiss it." ughughugh. can’t stand to think about that. i don’t remember the dog thing at all, but i do remember this one…the water and my d*d, although i don’t remember being forced underwater. i just can’t believe they happened. but i can’t explain why i’d be having these images if they didn’t. confused. diane, of Ravensong In black, there are all colors, Where darkness, always the light, Iridescent the raven’s wing in sunlight. – Brooke Medicine Eagle
Response:
Dear e – I am sorry that you, too, are s*ffering. I don’t want to say anything else, because I feel as if it is something I don’t understand well enough not to make worse. Beauty. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – that’s interesting. didn’t know that. it helps. sort of. i mean, at least i know that other people experience the same sort of not-knowing. oh, yeah. it used to drive me crazier. 
lots of ppl have posted about it here before but that’s been years ago. the thing is, it seems so real when the flashback is happening. and the flashbacks are so awful, you wonder why you’d be going through it if the event didn’t happen. but, that’s not logical. and, unfortunately, they don’t know exactly why ppl have flashbacks and why some of them are accurate and others aren’t. just like they don’t know why some regular memories are and others aren’t. mine are better when they get the bipolar meds right. the whole anxiety thing seems to be what i get for "mania". i still get PTSD on them but no free-floating anxiety (the kind of stuff that JT was describing as PTSD, which seemed puzzling to me) and less PTSD. i hope you all feel better soon. e
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