Question:
went to see our dr*g counsellor three weeks ago. firts time ever. wasn’t easy but lots better than with any other counsellor/t’pist person I ever met. next week, susanne went. talked about wantin to talk bout stuff that happend in the past. this had me anxiuos and panicky, dunno why. so I went there the following week (last week), wanting to talk bout that anxious/panicky feelin. but then the dr*g counsellor started to talk bout her own fears. like she aint no real t’pist, has no real experience with multiples and/or trauma stuff. okay that sorta fit. sorta made sense with my feelings and we understood where this comes from. comes from her looking for another ‘real’ t’pist for the usses, so she heard again and again t’pists being afraid/feeling not qualified enouigh to work with the likes of the usses. and so she got unsure – how comse she does this? can this be right? etc. ‘kay so we talked bout that last week. not me, but others of the usses. today I wanted to go there and talk bout the anxious/panicky feeling above. Fletcher wanted to talk bout some of his stuff, too. but then we were back at her feeling unsure can she really help us and all that. she says she doesnt wanna throw us out or something. she said lots of things. but I dunno anymore. seems everytime I try to talk to someone for real they say "ow that’s brave of you" but next time they say or show me to f*ck off one way or the other. like nobody really wanna deal with me. like I’m a leper or something. I hate this. I dunno what to do anymore. I don’t wanna be anymore or at least not feel a f*cking thing anymore. terry
Response:
Dear terry – It sounds to me as if the counselor is just really concerned that she not hurt you/s at all, and it doesn’t have anything to do w/if you are "scum" – just the opposite. She values you, treasures you, respects you, and doesn’t want to do something wrong. Does that make sense? Maybe somehow the two of you can reassure each other along and get some work done together. I hope so. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – went to see our dr*g counsellor three weeks ago. firts time ever. wasn’t easy but lots better than with any other counsellor/t’pist person I ever met. next week, susanne went. talked about wantin to talk bout stuff that happend in the past. this had me anxiuos and panicky, dunno why. so I went there the following week (last week), wanting to talk bout that anxious/panicky feelin. but then the dr*g counsellor started to talk bout her own fears. like she aint no real t’pist, has no real experience with multiples and/or trauma stuff. okay that sorta fit. sorta made sense with my feelings and we understood where this comes from. comes from her looking for another ‘real’ t’pist for the usses, so she heard again and again t’pists being afraid/feeling not qualified enouigh to work with the likes of the usses. and so she got unsure – how comse she does this? can this be right? etc. ‘kay so we talked bout that last week. not me, but others of the usses. today I wanted to go there and talk bout the anxious/panicky feeling above. Fletcher wanted to talk bout some of his stuff, too. but then we were back at her feeling unsure can she really help us and all that. she says she doesnt wanna throw us out or something. she said lots of things. but I dunno anymore. seems everytime I try to talk to someone for real they say "ow that’s brave of you" but next time they say or show me to f*ck off one way or the other. like nobody really wanna deal with me. like I’m a leper or something. I hate this. I dunno what to do anymore. I don’t wanna be anymore or at least not feel a f*cking thing anymore. terry
Response:
We are sad that you were made to feel this way. 
We think you are very special and bright and interesting and in no way are you scum or an idiot or a leper or anything like that. We wish you could come to our dr*g counselors.. (we work in a dr*g ab*se cl*nic) Our boss did her master’s thesis on DID and stuff.. she would be so good for you. We are sad that you live so far away and we cannot help. *hugs if okay* We care and like having you here and think you always have interesting things to contribute. Be good to yourself.. 
Rainstar – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – went to see our dr*g counsellor three weeks ago. firts time ever. wasn’t easy but lots better than with any other counsellor/t’pist person I ever met. next week, susanne went. talked about wantin to talk bout stuff that happend in the past. this had me anxiuos and panicky, dunno why. so I went there the following week (last week), wanting to talk bout that anxious/panicky feelin. but then the dr*g counsellor started to talk bout her own fears. like she aint no real t’pist, has no real experience with multiples and/or trauma stuff. okay that sorta fit. sorta made sense with my feelings and we understood where this comes from. comes from her looking for another ‘real’ t’pist for the usses, so she heard again and again t’pists being afraid/feeling not qualified enouigh to work with the likes of the usses. and so she got unsure – how comse she does this? can this be right? etc. ‘kay so we talked bout that last week. not me, but others of the usses. today I wanted to go there and talk bout the anxious/panicky feeling above. Fletcher wanted to talk bout some of his stuff, too. but then we were back at her feeling unsure can she really help us and all that. she says she doesnt wanna throw us out or something. she said lots of things. but I dunno anymore. seems everytime I try to talk to someone for real they say "ow that’s brave of you" but next time they say or show me to f*ck off one way or the other. like nobody really wanna deal with me. like I’m a leper or something. I hate this. I dunno what to do anymore. I don’t wanna be anymore or at least not feel a f*cking thing anymore. terry
– To e-mail remove extra from address
Response:
dear beauty I hope it can be workd out, too. only Im not sure if it’ll work if I go there ever again. before I went there things seemd okay. she (the counsellor) says it wasnt me or others of the usses coming to see her first time lately but it was talking to other t’pists which makes her hm unsure. but Im not sure bout this. I want to go there and talk to her. but not if this means all of us lose her completely. terry – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Dear terry – It sounds to me as if the counselor is just really concerned that she not hurt you/s at all, and it doesn’t have anything to do w/if you are "scum" – just the opposite. She values you, treasures you, respects you, and doesn’t want to do something wrong. Does that make sense? Maybe somehow the two of you can reassure each other along and get some work done together. I hope so. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. went to see our dr*g counsellor three weeks ago. firts time ever. wasn’t easy but lots better than with any other counsellor/t’pist person I ever met. next week, susanne went. talked about wantin to talk bout stuff that happend in the past. this had me anxiuos and panicky, dunno why. so I went there the following week (last week), wanting to talk bout that anxious/panicky feelin. but then the dr*g counsellor started to talk bout her own fears. like she aint no real t’pist, has no real experience with multiples and/or trauma stuff. okay that sorta fit. sorta made sense with my feelings and we understood where this comes from. comes from her looking for another ‘real’ t’pist for the usses, so she heard again and again t’pists being afraid/feeling not qualified enouigh to work with the likes of the usses. and so she got unsure – how comse she does this? can this be right? etc. ‘kay so we talked bout that last week. not me, but others of the usses. today I wanted to go there and talk bout the anxious/panicky feeling above. Fletcher wanted to talk bout some of his stuff, too. but then we were back at her feeling unsure can she really help us and all that. she says she doesnt wanna throw us out or something. she said lots of things. but I dunno anymore. seems everytime I try to talk to someone for real they say "ow that’s brave of you" but next time they say or show me to f*ck off one way or the other. like nobody really wanna deal with me. like I’m a leper or something. I hate this. I dunno what to do anymore. I don’t wanna be anymore or at least not feel a f*cking thing anymore. terry
Response:
but we dont want somebody else. we want her. (( terry – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – At least they tell you. Mine always pretended they could deal with PTSD and multiples and since they believed they could, I believed them too. Or at least gave them the benefit of the doubt. Is it possible for one of you to tell the dr*g counsellor that you appreciate her honesty and that you like seeing her, but that her inability to counsel multiples effectively makes you (and apparently her) anxious, so you’d really really appreciate it if she found you a really good referral before you get any more involved in this pt/tpst "relationship"? I mean hey if she doesn’t want to throw you out, then she doesn’t have to. Have her find you somebody better instead. That’s not "throwing out." Not if it’s really someone good. Melissas went to see our dr*g counsellor three weeks ago. firts time ever. wasn’t easy but lots better than with any other counsellor/t’pist person I ever met. next week, susanne went. talked about wantin to talk bout stuff that happend in the past. this had me anxiuos and panicky, dunno why. so I went there the following week (last week), wanting to talk bout that anxious/panicky feelin. but then the dr*g counsellor started to talk bout her own fears. like she aint no real t’pist, has no real experience with multiples and/or trauma stuff. okay that sorta fit. sorta made sense with my feelings and we understood where this comes from. comes from her looking for another ‘real’ t’pist for the usses, so she heard again and again t’pists being afraid/feeling not qualified enouigh to work with the likes of the usses. and so she got unsure – how comse she does this? can this be right? etc. ‘kay so we talked bout that last week. not me, but others of the usses. today I wanted to go there and talk bout the anxious/panicky feeling above. Fletcher wanted to talk bout some of his stuff, too. but then we were back at her feeling unsure can she really help us and all that. she says she doesnt wanna throw us out or something. she said lots of things. but I dunno anymore. seems everytime I try to talk to someone for real they say "ow that’s brave of you" but next time they say or show me to f*ck off one way or the other. like nobody really wanna deal with me. like I’m a leper or something. I hate this. I dunno what to do anymore. I don’t wanna be anymore or at least not feel a f*cking thing anymore. terry "X-No-Archive: yes" is automatically included in the headers of all of my posts. (you may not see it if your preferences aren’t set to "show all headers" but it’s there!) Please write X-No-Archive: yes as the first line of any post replying to one of my posts. Thank You.
Response:
hello rainstar didnt know you work in such a place. hm. maybe wes can talk bout that in private one day? Im still scared I just make stuff more to totally complicated for th others though I dont know how I do this. but before I went to see the counselor things seems easier. plus even if _me_ talking to people outside esp. t’pist persons goes wrong again and again – I think I feel like I want to learn to talk. but doesnt the going wrong show it cant work, at least not for _me_? like maybe its better I keep outta stuff like that and leave it to the othrs and look for somethin/someone for me elsewehere? terry – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – We are sad that you were made to feel this way. We think you are very special and bright and interesting and in no way are you scum or an idiot or a leper or anything like that. We wish you could come to our dr*g counselors.. (we work in a dr*g ab*se cl*nic) Our boss did her master’s thesis on DID and stuff.. she would be so good for you. We are sad that you live so far away and we cannot help. *hugs if okay* We care and like having you here and think you always have interesting things to contribute. Be good to yourself.. Rainstar went to see our dr*g counsellor three weeks ago. firts time ever. wasn’t easy but lots better than with any other counsellor/t’pist person I ever met. next week, susanne went. talked about wantin to talk bout stuff that happend in the past. this had me anxiuos and panicky, dunno why. so I went there the following week (last week), wanting to talk bout that anxious/panicky feelin. but then the dr*g counsellor started to talk bout her own fears. like she aint no real t’pist, has no real experience with multiples and/or trauma stuff. okay that sorta fit. sorta made sense with my feelings and we understood where this comes from. comes from her looking for another ‘real’ t’pist for the usses, so she heard again and again t’pists being afraid/feeling not qualified enouigh to work with the likes of the usses. and so she got unsure – how comse she does this? can this be right? etc. ‘kay so we talked bout that last week. not me, but others of the usses. today I wanted to go there and talk bout the anxious/panicky feeling above. Fletcher wanted to talk bout some of his stuff, too. but then we were back at her feeling unsure can she really help us and all that. she says she doesnt wanna throw us out or something. she said lots of things. but I dunno anymore. seems everytime I try to talk to someone for real they say "ow that’s brave of you" but next time they say or show me to f*ck off one way or the other. like nobody really wanna deal with me. like I’m a leper or something. I hate this. I dunno what to do anymore. I don’t wanna be anymore or at least not feel a f*cking thing anymore. terry — To e-mail remove extra from address
Response:
that really sux, terry. sorry to hear youse are having so much trouble finding a thpst brave enough to risk making a mistake. have come to the understanding that survivors tend to be incredibly strong ppl – this group has proven that to my satisfaction – and unfortunately, a lot of thpsts get intimidated by the fact that these impressive ppl need to take off the armor that keeps all the ichor safely stored inside so that they can try to clean it up some…and the thpsts get scared that they’re not competent to help. i think it’s not even so much the "cleanup" that’s the problem. i think thpsts worry most with multiples that they can’t help put the armor back on again, and then this incredibly strong person will be a huge mess counting on them for help, and they’re the only ones who can. sometimes i think that thpsts don’t understand that we made the armor in the first place. that if things get bad enough, we can put it back, without help, if need be. i guess i feel lucky that my T is such a cocky sunofab*tch that he doesn’t worry about these things. but if i break because of something he did, he fixes me. he’s also helped me, once or twice, to see that whenever someone tries to help, they stand the chance of causing harm…and that it’s forgivable…and he shows me how to try to fix it… and that shows *me* how *he* functions. he has the strength to try to help ppl like me because he knows that when he fks up (and he knows he will), he can forgive himself. perhaps it might be possible to let the drug thpst know that you don’t require the "full services" of a traditional T…and somehow try to take some of the burden off of her so that you can talk about what you need to talk about with her, and she won’t feel so much like she’s way out of her depth? this will, perforce, result in you sharing on a shallower level than you truly *need* to…(and that isn’t something you have to think about. it’ll probably happen automatically. imho)(that "imho" means "please don’t yell at me if i’m wrong." ;) *chuckles at self*) but it might allow you and her to (a.) get *some* work done, and (b.) get her to settle down enough that maybe she can realize that she’s not going to break you. sux bad having to train a T… *sigh* wish u didn’t have to. would gladly share mine with you, but there’s that ocean problem thingy to solve, and… 
*fond thoughts*, terry. please tell Punk we said hi. *listens inside a sec* ok, well, tell him we said "Yo." *rolls eyes at the guys* jt (no clue who’s on first. we’re pretty homogenously co-c atm, i think)
went to see our dr*g counsellor three weeks ago. firts
time ever. wasn’t easy but lots better than with any other counsellor/t’pist person I ever met. next week, susanne went. talked about wantin to talk bout stuff that happend in the past. this had me anxiuos and panicky, dunno why. so I went there the following week (last week), wanting to talk bout that
anxious/panicky feelin. but then the dr*g counsellor started to talk bout her own fears.
like she aint no real t’pist, has no real experience with multiples and/or
trauma stuff. okay that sorta fit. sorta made sense with my feelings and we
understood where this comes from. comes from her looking for another ‘real’
t’pist for the usses, so she heard again and again t’pists being afraid/feeling not qualified enouigh to work with the likes of the usses. and so she got unsure – how comse she does this? can this be right? etc. ‘kay so we talked bout that last week. not me, but others of the usses. today I wanted to go there and talk bout the anxious/panicky feeling above. Fletcher wanted to talk bout some of his stuff, too. but
then we were back at – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – her feeling unsure can she really help us and all that. she says she doesnt wanna throw us out or something. she said lots of things. but I dunno anymore. seems everytime I try to talk to someone for real they say "ow that’s brave of you" but next time they say or show me to f*ck off one way or the other. like nobody really wanna deal with me. like I’m a leper or something. I hate this. I dunno what to do anymore. I don’t wanna be anymore or at least not feel a f*cking thing anymore. terry
Response:
I do hope things work out, too, terry – my advice (though you didn’t ask for it – so please feel free to ignore it) is to take things very gently, one moment at a time – see how things develop – don’t take any one moment as being the be-all and end-all of everything. I have heard you write here before, and it is like you think that no one could ever like you, or that you would be so hard to deal with that it would make people turn away. In my experience, I have not seen that about you – but that does not mean that I am doubting your word that perhaps there are complications. But so there are complications w/dealing w/any person. Really. So again – from what you say, it is the counselor’s own process of working things out in her own mind going on, and not anything to do w/her judgement of you and who you are. Please take care – and, yes, only go there again if and when it feels safe – and maybe things will have to be talked out through some of the others who feel safer there. Is that a possibility? Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – dear beauty I hope it can be workd out, too. only Im not sure if it’ll work if I go there ever again. before I went there things seemd okay. she (the counsellor) says it wasnt me or others of the usses coming to see her first time lately but it was talking to other t’pists which makes her hm unsure. but Im not sure bout this. I want to go there and talk to her. but not if this means all of us lose her completely. terry Dear terry – It sounds to me as if the counselor is just really concerned that she not hurt you/s at all, and it doesn’t have anything to do w/if you are "scum" – just the opposite. She values you, treasures you, respects you, and doesn’t want to do something wrong. Does that make sense? Maybe somehow the two of you can reassure each other along and get some work done together. I hope so. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. went to see our dr*g counsellor three weeks ago. firts time ever. wasn’t easy but lots better than with any other counsellor/t’pist person I ever met. next week, susanne went. talked about wantin to talk bout stuff that happend in the past. this had me anxiuos and panicky, dunno why. so I went there the following week (last week), wanting to talk bout that anxious/panicky feelin. but then the dr*g counsellor started to talk bout her own fears. like she aint no real t’pist, has no real experience with multiples and/or trauma stuff. okay that sorta fit. sorta made sense with my feelings and we understood where this comes from. comes from her looking for another ‘real’ t’pist for the usses, so she heard again and again t’pists being afraid/feeling not qualified enouigh to work with the likes of the usses. and so she got unsure – how comse she does this? can this be right? etc. ‘kay so we talked bout that last week. not me, but others of the usses. today I wanted to go there and talk bout the anxious/panicky feeling above. Fletcher wanted to talk bout some of his stuff, too. but then we were back at her feeling unsure can she really help us and all that. she says she doesnt wanna throw us out or something. she said lots of things. but I dunno anymore. seems everytime I try to talk to someone for real they say "ow that’s brave of you" but next time they say or show me to f*ck off one way or the other. like nobody really wanna deal with me. like I’m a leper or something. I hate this. I dunno what to do anymore. I don’t wanna be anymore or at least not feel a f*cking thing anymore. terry
Response:
I like the idea about the armor that can be put on again if needed. if I cant talk to her soon (cuz sometimes I wanna do something like that but it just doesnt work, Im just too scared or something) then I hope Punk or someonelse will tell her. so yeah obviously I told Punk bout this post and that you said hi. thanks terry – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – that really sux, terry. sorry to hear youse are having so much trouble finding a thpst brave enough to risk making a mistake. have come to the understanding that survivors tend to be incredibly strong ppl – this group has proven that to my satisfaction – and unfortunately, a lot of thpsts get intimidated by the fact that these impressive ppl need to take off the armor that keeps all the ichor safely stored inside so that they can try to clean it up some…and the thpsts get scared that they’re not competent to help. i think it’s not even so much the "cleanup" that’s the problem. i think thpsts worry most with multiples that they can’t help put the armor back on again, and then this incredibly strong person will be a huge mess counting on them for help, and they’re the only ones who can. sometimes i think that thpsts don’t understand that we made the armor in the first place. that if things get bad enough, we can put it back, without help, if need be. i guess i feel lucky that my T is such a cocky sunofab*tch that he doesn’t worry about these things. but if i break because of something he did, he fixes me. he’s also helped me, once or twice, to see that whenever someone tries to help, they stand the chance of causing harm…and that it’s forgivable…and he shows me how to try to fix it… and that shows *me* how *he* functions. he has the strength to try to help ppl like me because he knows that when he fks up (and he knows he will), he can forgive himself. perhaps it might be possible to let the drug thpst know that you don’t require the "full services" of a traditional T…and somehow try to take some of the burden off of her so that you can talk about what you need to talk about with her, and she won’t feel so much like she’s way out of her depth? this will, perforce, result in you sharing on a shallower level than you truly *need* to…(and that isn’t something you have to think about. it’ll probably happen automatically. imho)(that "imho" means "please don’t yell at me if i’m wrong." ;) *chuckles at self*) but it might allow you and her to (a.) get *some* work done, and (b.) get her to settle down enough that maybe she can realize that she’s not going to break you. sux bad having to train a T… *sigh* wish u didn’t have to. would gladly share mine with you, but there’s that ocean problem thingy to solve, and… *fond thoughts*, terry. please tell Punk we said hi. *listens inside a sec* ok, well, tell him we said "Yo." *rolls eyes at the guys* jt (no clue who’s on first. we’re pretty homogenously co-c atm, i think) went to see our dr*g counsellor three weeks ago. firts time ever. wasn’t easy but lots better than with any other counsellor/t’pist person I ever met. next week, susanne went. talked about wantin to talk bout stuff that happend in the past. this had me anxiuos and panicky, dunno why. so I went there the following week (last week), wanting to talk bout that anxious/panicky feelin. but then the dr*g counsellor started to talk bout her own fears. like she aint no real t’pist, has no real experience with multiples and/or trauma stuff. okay that sorta fit. sorta made sense with my feelings and we understood where this comes from. comes from her looking for another ‘real’ t’pist for the usses, so she heard again and again t’pists being afraid/feeling not qualified enouigh to work with the likes of the usses. and so she got unsure – how comse she does this? can this be right? etc. ‘kay so we talked bout that last week. not me, but others of the usses. today I wanted to go there and talk bout the anxious/panicky feeling above. Fletcher wanted to talk bout some of his stuff, too. but then we were back at her feeling unsure can she really help us and all that. she says she doesnt wanna throw us out or something. she said lots of things. but I dunno anymore. seems everytime I try to talk to someone for real they say "ow that’s brave of you" but next time they say or show me to f*ck off one way or the other. like nobody really wanna deal with me. like I’m a leper or something. I hate this. I dunno what to do anymore. I don’t wanna be anymore or at least not feel a f*cking thing anymore. terry
Response:
hi beauty we called the counsellor today. she was very amazed when we asked is it okay we come back again. so at least the usses not coming back isn’t the issue here. me I wanted to talk to her but couldnt. forgot calling her means calling someonelse first who gets her on the phone. but I wanna go back and talk to her. maybe not next time but the time after. we’ve sent her an e-mail today, too. so I guess it depends on how next session starts. plus it aint easy for me to come forward and talk to someone esp. not to somone who’S in the same room as mre. terry – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I do hope things work out, too, terry – my advice (though you didn’t ask for it – so please feel free to ignore it) is to take things very gently, one moment at a time – see how things develop – don’t take any one moment as being the be-all and end-all of everything. I have heard you write here before, and it is like you think that no one could ever like you, or that you would be so hard to deal with that it would make people turn away. In my experience, I have not seen that about you – but that does not mean that I am doubting your word that perhaps there are complications. But so there are complications w/dealing w/any person. Really. So again – from what you say, it is the counselor’s own process of working things out in her own mind going on, and not anything to do w/her judgement of you and who you are. Please take care – and, yes, only go there again if and when it feels safe – and maybe things will have to be talked out through some of the others who feel safer there. Is that a possibility? Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. dear beauty I hope it can be workd out, too. only Im not sure if it’ll work if I go there ever again. before I went there things seemd okay. she (the counsellor) says it wasnt me or others of the usses coming to see her first time lately but it was talking to other t’pists which makes her hm unsure. but Im not sure bout this. I want to go there and talk to her. but not if this means all of us lose her completely. terry Dear terry – It sounds to me as if the counselor is just really concerned that she not hurt you/s at all, and it doesn’t have anything to do w/if you are "scum" – just the opposite. She values you, treasures you, respects you, and doesn’t want to do something wrong. Does that make sense? Maybe somehow the two of you can reassure each other along and get some work done together. I hope so. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. went to see our dr*g counsellor three weeks ago. firts time ever. wasn’t easy but lots better than with any other counsellor/t’pist person I ever met. next week, susanne went. talked about wantin to talk bout stuff that happend in the past. this had me anxiuos and panicky, dunno why. so I went there the following week (last week), wanting to talk bout that anxious/panicky feelin. but then the dr*g counsellor started to talk bout her own fears. like she aint no real t’pist, has no real experience with multiples and/or trauma stuff. okay that sorta fit. sorta made sense with my feelings and we understood where this comes from. comes from her looking for another ‘real’ t’pist for the usses, so she heard again and again t’pists being afraid/feeling not qualified enouigh to work with the likes of the usses. and so she got unsure – how comse she does this? can this be right? etc. ‘kay so we talked bout that last week. not me, but others of the usses. today I wanted to go there and talk bout the anxious/panicky feeling above. Fletcher wanted to talk bout some of his stuff, too. but then we were back at her feeling unsure can she really help us and all that. she says she doesnt wanna throw us out or something. she said lots of things. but I dunno anymore. seems everytime I try to talk to someone for real they say "ow that’s brave of you" but next time they say or show me to f*ck off one way or the other. like nobody really wanna deal with me. like I’m a leper or something. I hate this. I dunno what to do anymore. I don’t wanna be anymore or at least not feel a f*cking thing anymore. terry
Response:
Yes, we are the administrative assistant for the office. Which basically means I answer the phone and I do a LOT of filing as each client generates at least 3 pieces of paper per day that has to go into their charts. We would be more than happy to talk to you about it in private. You can always email us at the above address (just take out the word "extra"). I can only access this mail account from home though so don’t be surprised if it takes a little bit for us to get back to you. Can understand the fear factor there.. we sometimes feel the same way.. especially me when I’m not much help at calming lilrainy down because of one thing or another. I’ve found that for me personally, yes, things were easier before counseling cause I wasn’t really dealing with my issues so it made it harder to be in counseling but yet BETTER for us. We think you are a good part of the system over there and that you shouldn’t have to go away and let others handle it. We have confidence that you will find someone that is good for all of you (we will be sending out good thoughts in that direction too). Rainstar
hello rainstar didnt know you work in such a place. hm. maybe wes can talk bout that in private one day? Im still scared I just make stuff more to totally complicated for th others though I dont know how I do this. but before I went to see the counselor things seems easier. plus even if _me_ talking to people outside esp. t’pist persons goes wrong again and again – I think I feel like I want to learn to talk. but doesnt the going wrong show it cant work, at least not for _me_? like maybe its better I keep outta stuff like that and leave it to the othrs and look for somethin/someone for me elsewehere? terry We are sad that you were made to feel this way. We think you are very special and bright and interesting and in no way are you scum or an idiot or a leper or anything like that. We wish you could come to our dr*g counselors.. (we work in a dr*g ab*se cl*nic) Our boss did her master’s thesis on DID and stuff.. she would be so good for you. We are sad that you live so far away and we cannot help. *hugs if okay* We care and like having you here and think you always have interesting things to contribute. Be good to yourself.. Rainstar
went to see our dr*g counsellor three weeks ago. firts time ever. wasn’t easy but lots better than with any other counsellor/t’pist person I ever met. next week, susanne went. talked about wantin to talk bout stuff that happend in the past. this had me anxiuos and panicky, dunno why. so I went there the following week (last week), wanting to talk bout that anxious/panicky feelin. but then the dr*g counsellor started to talk bout her own fears. like she aint no real t’pist, has no real experience with multiples and/or trauma stuff. okay that sorta fit. sorta made sense with my feelings and we understood where this comes from. comes from her looking for another ‘real’ t’pist for the usses, so she heard again and again t’pists being afraid/feeling not qualified enouigh to work with the likes of the usses. and so she got unsure – how comse she does this? can this be right? etc. ’kay so we talked bout that last week. not me, but others of the usses. today I wanted to go there and talk bout the anxious/panicky feeling above. Fletcher wanted to talk bout some of his stuff, too. but then we were back at her feeling unsure can she really help us and all that. she says she doesnt wanna throw us out or something. she said lots of things. but I dunno anymore. seems everytime I try to talk to someone for real they say "ow that’s brave of you" but next time they say or show me to f*ck off one way or the other. like nobody really wanna deal with me. like I’m a leper or something. I hate this. I dunno what to do anymore. I don’t wanna be anymore or at least not feel a f*cking thing anymore. terry – To e-mail remove extra from address — To e-mail remove extra from address
Response:
Oh, I’m excited for you, terry – and proud that you have been so active on your own behalf and so brave – you and all of you/s there are so incredibly – stalwart. I think that’s the word I would choose. All our best wishes – Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hi beauty we called the counsellor today. she was very amazed when we asked is it okay we come back again. so at least the usses not coming back isn’t the issue here. me I wanted to talk to her but couldnt. forgot calling her means calling someonelse first who gets her on the phone. but I wanna go back and talk to her. maybe not next time but the time after. we’ve sent her an e-mail today, too. so I guess it depends on how next session starts. plus it aint easy for me to come forward and talk to someone esp. not to somone who’S in the same room as mre. terry I do hope things work out, too, terry – my advice (though you didn’t ask for it – so please feel free to ignore it) is to take things very gently, one moment at a time – see how things develop – don’t take any one moment as being the be-all and end-all of everything. I have heard you write here before, and it is like you think that no one could ever like you, or that you would be so hard to deal with that it would make people turn away. In my experience, I have not seen that about you – but that does not mean that I am doubting your word that perhaps there are complications. But so there are complications w/dealing w/any person. Really. So again – from what you say, it is the counselor’s own process of working things out in her own mind going on, and not anything to do w/her judgement of you and who you are. Please take care – and, yes, only go there again if and when it feels safe – and maybe things will have to be talked out through some of the others who feel safer there. Is that a possibility? Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. dear beauty I hope it can be workd out, too. only Im not sure if it’ll work if I go there ever again. before I went there things seemd okay. she (the counsellor) says it wasnt me or others of the usses coming to see her first time lately but it was talking to other t’pists which makes her hm unsure. but Im not sure bout this. I want to go there and talk to her. but not if this means all of us lose her completely. terry Dear terry – It sounds to me as if the counselor is just really concerned that she not hurt you/s at all, and it doesn’t have anything to do w/if you are "scum" – just the opposite. She values you, treasures you, respects you, and doesn’t want to do something wrong. Does that make sense? Maybe somehow the two of you can reassure each other along and get some work done together. I hope so. Beauty. — To email me, remove "nospam" from my address. went to see our dr*g counsellor three weeks ago. firts time ever. wasn’t easy but lots better than with any other counsellor/t’pist person I ever met. next week, susanne went. talked about wantin to talk bout stuff that happend in the past. this had me anxiuos and panicky, dunno why. so I went there the following week (last week), wanting to talk bout that anxious/panicky feelin. but then the dr*g counsellor started to talk bout her own fears. like she aint no real t’pist, has no real experience with multiples and/or trauma stuff. okay that sorta fit. sorta made sense with my feelings and we understood where this comes from. comes from her looking for another ‘real’ t’pist for the usses, so she heard again and again t’pists being afraid/feeling not qualified enouigh to work with the likes of the usses. and so she got unsure – how comse she does this? can this be right? etc. ‘kay so we talked bout that last week. not me, but others of the usses. today I wanted to go there and talk bout the anxious/panicky feeling above. Fletcher wanted to talk bout some of his stuff, too. but then we were back at her feeling unsure can she really help us and all that. she says she doesnt wanna throw us out or something. she said lots of things. but I dunno anymore. seems everytime I try to talk to someone for real they say "ow that’s brave of you" but next time they say or show me to f*ck off one way or the other. like nobody really wanna deal with me. like I’m a leper or something. I hate this. I dunno what to do anymore. I don’t wanna be anymore or at least not feel a f*cking thing anymore. terry
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