Question:
Hello everyone. I just came back for a bite of realitiy. And I realize that I am in it for the long hual. The problem is that I don’t want to be. I want to go to work, be productive but my PTSD won’t allow me to go do that. It hampers me in everyway that I try. I still have a hard time sleeping with nightmares almost two or three times a week. When I do sleep and wake up, it looks as if though I had just laid down to sleep, unrested and agitated. My PDoc sayd that I look better so does my therapist. But on the outside is one thing how I feel inside is so much more different. I can not sem to get that across to them. I am going to looose my car soon and I need it to be functional, to be able to try and get work. This all frightens me. I have a responsibility to my two children in the form of child support and can’t even come up with that. I am at my witts end now. Does anyone, anyone person, have some kind words or ideas for me. If even to just relax a little would be great but it is so hard for me to do right now. Thanks for letting me rant. Joseph Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Response:
Gay Marie That was a very good post to Joesph’s stuff. This snip got to me >Once I was able to develop a certain level of tolerance >for this approach, the nightmares did lessen. But, I still can’t figure the darn >things out. I mean, what the heck is my subconscious trying to tell me? I know >that in my nightmares my memory lies intact. It is only in my waking hours that I >have amnesia.
It makes one wonder….my nightmares went away. Is it because I numbed myself out with booze & pot? Is there something I should have have learnt from them? Questions, questions, why are so many popping into my head these daze.? Transformation possibly. I think I’ll just give up control and go with it to see where it leads me. Take Care James "Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions" – Albert Einstein
Response:
Thank you James. I needed the vote of confindence. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Response:
ASulli1982 wrote in message
<19990108162559.01154.00009…@ng-ca1.aol.com>… snip > I want to go to work, be productive but my PTSD won’t allow me to go do
that. It hampers me in everyway that I try. I still have a hard time sleeping with nightmares >almost two or three times a week. When I do sleep and wake up, it looks as if >though I had just laid down to sleep, unrested and agitated.
Me too..Joseph I want to get back to work too. I used to be so productive…ok maybe too productive but I really enjoyed working. It was a big part of me and I think that if I could get doing something that it would help bring back balance to my life and get me more enthused about life in general. My sleep patterns are a joke….I just quit going to bed till 3-4 am….what is the point I can’t sleep anyhoo. I found this sleep meditation but then I lost it, I’ll look for it again and post it when I find it. Meds don’t work for me…when I was in hospital, nothing they gave me worked…so I’ve heard that we can get by on 4-6 hours sleep a night. Maybe so, I also heard that a 20 minute power snooze in the afternoon really helps to refresh you…apparently the Mexicans do it right with the siesta. So my T told me to work out a general plan and then break it down into bitesized pieces, the answers are within you. Take Care James "Your imagination is your preview of life’s coming attractions" – Albert Einstein
Response:
Hi Joseph, I really liked your subject header. My P’trist has had to remind me repeatedly that "helplessness is just a feeling". And, that "feeling helpless" does not mean that I AM helpless. It took a long time for that one to sink into my thick skull. I have learned that feeling helpless is a transient state, and, like all feelings, the state of feelings changes. I can relate to the nightmares and sleeplessness. I’ve had nightmares nightly since I was a very small child. The two most vivid nightmares I had as a child were so horrifying that I still remember them to this day. I still have these two nightmares, but they are not nightly; maybe once every few years or so. The other nightmares I have now are not repetitious and vivid, they are more vague and elusive. Sleep is something I am obsessed with. I am not quite as obsessed with sleep as I was, but, it sure would be nice to experience "normal" sleep. What IS "normal" sleep, anyway? I really don’t have a clue. Waking up morning after morning feeling more exhausted than when I went to bed is so common. Or, not being able to go to sleep because I’m never exactly sure which nightmare will haunt me that night… This goes on night after night, without end. Usually several nightmares in each night. I finally go to sleep. I have a nightmare. Wake up in terror, bathed in sweat, heart pounding as though it will burst from the confines of my chest, not sure why I am feeling this way, unable to recall the reason why I am in this state, something vague and elusive hanging about on the fringes of my consciousness… Finally, after it passes, I fall asleep again, only to have it all repeat over and over again each night. I used to seek the "perfect med" that would allow me to sleep. I never found it. My P’trist has tried all kinds of meds, at my request (he would choose what he thought was appropriate), not one worked. In fact, it seemed to make the nightmares worse. Not to mention the side-effects and allergic reactions I kept having. My P’trist kept suggesting that I stop trying to "avoid" the nightmares and try to just have them. Once I was able to develop a certain level of tolerance for this approach, the nightmares did lessen. But, I still can’t figure the darn things out. I mean, what the heck is my subconscious trying to tell me? I know that in my nightmares my memory lies intact. It is only in my waking hours that I have amnesia. I have selfishly digressed. Forgive me. Take a deep breath, Joseph. It will all work out. Maybe not in our time, but GOD’s time. He is infinitely more aware of our needs than we are. You will be able to provide for your children. And the problem with your car will be taken care of. Take it one moment at a time. Piece by piece, the answers will come to you. You care so much for your children. You’ve mentioned them before. Your love for them is more than ANY monetary contribution can provide. You ARE providing for them with your love and concern for their well-being. I would have given anything for a father who cared about me the way you care about children. The child within me that is struggling to grow up is desparate for my father’s love and concern. At least you are able to provide this for your children. Your children have a precious gift: their father’s love. You ARE a good provider. Don’t forget this. Is it possible that you could allow yourself to be comforted by this thought? I hope so. As always, take what you want and leave the rest. Take care and GOD bless, Gay Marie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -ASulli1982 wrote: > Hello everyone. I just came back for a bite of realitiy. And I realize that I > am in it for the long hual. The problem is that I don’t want to be. I want to > go to work, be productive but my PTSD won’t allow me to go do that. It hampers > me in everyway that I try. I still have a hard time sleeping with nightmares > almost two or three times a week. When I do sleep and wake up, it looks as if > though I had just laid down to sleep, unrested and agitated. > My PDoc sayd that I look better so does my therapist. But on the outside is one > thing how I feel inside is so much more different. I can not sem to get that > across to them. I am going to looose my car soon and I need it to be > functional, to be able to try and get work. This all frightens me. I have a > responsibility to my two children in the form of child support and can’t even > come up with that. I am at my witts end now. > Does anyone, anyone person, have some kind words or ideas for me. If even to > just relax a little would be great but it is so hard for me to do right now. > Thanks for letting me rant. > Joseph > Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
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