Question:
I’ve had a few things come up that I wanted to talk about. One is that I’ve been having weird dreams again. They’re kind of like nightmares, but more like memories. But they’re not of the specific trauma (like rapes and beatings from my childhood), they’re about the aftermath. I’ve been having a couple a week. And I’ll think I’m feeling pretty normal and "in the present" when I’m awake and then I’ll go to bed and have one of these dreams. The most common is that my mom is standing in front of me telling me how nothing happened and I’m crazy. And in the dream I start screaming out her that she has to tell the truth. And it’s *very* stressful. I always wake up from those dreams exhausted. Last night I had a dream that my dad was yelling at me that he’d never beaten or raped me and that nobody would believe me and if I told anyone they’d kill me anyway, and I was trying to not listen but I finally curled up in a little ball and started crying. Now that I’m awake, I feel really far away from the dream. I just feel tired and like I didn’t sleep well. I’ve spent so many years sorting through all the bad memories and flashbacks and "processing" them in my conscious mind … I’m wondering if my subconscious is maybe finally processing them? I know a couple years ago I had the same dream every night – that I was trying to get out of my parents house. It went on for months. But the good thing was that each night I got a little closer to getting out until some of the last dreams I was actually out of the house and off the grounds and running down the street. I hope that this doesn’t always "haunt" me. I aspire for the trauma in my childhood to be nothing more than a sad memory – not something that haunts me and controls my emotions. Anyway, I just wanted to talk alittle about that. Julia — "I am seven-of-nine. I am alone but I will adapt." —–== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==—– http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum
Response:
Julie, I idenified fully with your post. I had bad dreams the Monday before last and have been having flashbacks and panic attacks since, tho today, after a long night of writing my feelings out, I feel okay again. I have found that my bad dreams and the flashbacksa and panics get further and further apart as time goes on. i read as much as I can, I meditate, and of course I see a therapist. my healing began in June 94. It has been a very hard struggle, far more painful than could have imagined. It does get better. best wishes catman
Response:
Im actually using dreams to help me, but my exerience was different from yours and the dreams are pleasant. When you are asleep the brain chemicals (adrenalin etc.) that cause the PTSD response, emotional numbing etc. are switched off so you can get back to emotions. In my dreams I am lost, wandering round streets or a large building and I cant get out because my memory wont work because of the PTSD. In my dreams I feel desperate, but when I wake up I cant feel the despair. I actually want to feel the despair because I want my memory and my emotions back no matter what the cost. It seems different for you. You have to deal with the events of the trauma. Whether or not you can use the dream to do that is something only you can decide. The dream might give you clues about what to do. You can also influence the dreams – before you fall asleep just suggest to yourself in very simple terms what you want to dream about. Maybe there are things you need to do in the real world to resolve the dream problem. Dreaming about it is a good sign because it means you are getting back to your feelings. Ive suffered from PSD for 35 years and I feel its betterto have emotions, no matter how painful than to spend your life like a stunned zombie. best wishes Estelle
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