Question:
writes: I really hate it when I make an embarrassing mistake with names. I’m sorry. Yuck, Yuck. I feel bad. Crisis
Response:
No no it wasn’t you. The whole post seem very directional and I just feel that we should be able to post what we want and if the person you are posting to has a problem with it they can ask. Or better yet if they like your post they can thank you, but I’m not seeing much of that lately, well, yes I have, its just that there has been a lot of the other lately and over stupid third part type posts where its hard for them to figure out who it is they are pissed at. Must be angries in the air. But no Valerie, it wasn’t you, you are one of the fairest, most reasonable posters here. I am truly Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off!!!! Crisis dear, does it ever seem that we are smack dab in the middle of a Comedy of Errors?? You were replying to Valentine, not Valerie. I *knew* this would happen eventually. I just *knew* it! No big deal. No apology necessary. I think the "climate" around here has just been too hot and everyone is getting sensitive, and being the compassionate types that we are, we want to make sure nobody *else* is offended or anything. I will be sure to come right out and say if I’m offended by anything. And btw, occasionally I think "now was it Silverleaf that said this, or Crisis?" So look forward to me making my own SNAFU sometime in the future… 
And btw, "Thank you"! 
(Talk about a "feel good" ng….) Peace… Valerie Whittle
Response:
Since I see no posts on this thread from Valerie and your posts follow my posts I get the feeling you think that I am Valerie. I can understand that since both start with V. My name is Valentine though and I am a seperate person than Valerie. Not an alter a really and truly seperate person (probalby living in two different states) seperate person. Thanks for understanding, Valentine aka Romana You had to know this would happen sooner or later, though, right? Hugs, A Fellow "Val" Peace… Valerie Whittle
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Did you suffer a tragedy during childhood that has somehow contributed to success as an adult? If you share my experience of success out of childhood tragedy, I would like to hear from you. I am researching a book on the topic and will interview a fairly wide variety of people. It is not limited to those who experienced loss as a child, but will include anyone who derived success from a tragic experience. Scott, I guess this would fit. I was sexually abused by my mother at and after age 4. This opened me to abuses – sexual, physical, emotional and spiritual – for the next 40 years of my life. It led me to the brink of suicide, which I attempted. But somehow I found refuge in music and became a composer while still struggling unaware of the abuse that was making my life miserable. When in my teens, I learned to play piano and became a concertizing pianist. I then went to Harvard University, and majored as a music composition major. I have written almost 100 works over 33 years, and have had many successful performances of my music. I consider my life a success story, but I still wrestle with pain, self-esteem issues, and the thought that my career could have progressed much further much faster had I not been abused. But since I took refuge in art to both escape from *and* process my inner pain and trauma, I guess the advantages to me have outweighed the disadvantages. Sincerely, Rick S. (PhD. in music, btw)
Dear Rick We truly are who we are because of and IN SPIT of what we have lived through…. I would dearly like to listen to some of your works …. if you would be so kind as to email some titles. Jane
Response:
Jane: I think that yours *IS* a very appropriate success story!!!!!! We are all happy for David Jaye’s rise above a VERY traumatic experience. I know it was not at all your intent, but I think you may have been a tad too hard on him. In his original post he only said; "I have derived a tremendous amount of strength from the experience. Rather than becoming a victim of my circumstances, I faced the situation head-on and found independence, the world outside a small town and a loving part of my extended family. " His measure of his own success did not include any mention of "power or money". It included "personal emotional strength, independence, and the ability to love and be loved". Those are exactly the same measures you give for your own success. The two of you may have more in common than you think?? Here is to success for all of us….."la chiam" (to life) Just my 2 cents Stewart Abramson If you read the original post the gentleman who posted it wanted to know if anyone here had a story of trimph and went on to rise above it and became a success…. He lost both his parents as a teenager…. and went on to be successful…. i asked him what he considered a success was? power …. money …. what… I cansider the fact I am still alive a success in itsself…
I love life… something i never thought i would I love a man …. something i never thought i could I am loved ….. something i never belived i was worthy off I have three wonderful children …. and they are the reason dirty secrets had to be told …. they gave me strength I never know I had I discovered I am who I am because of and in spit off a horrfic childhood… This is my success story…… it comes with no power but my own…. no recognition except from those I love and call friend… no payment excpt a smile …. but no less a success
–
Response:
? writes: Let’s try not to compare peoples’ pain. It is not possible.
Crisis writes:
Agreed and I don’t think anyone was doing that nor would they. Lets also not tell anyone how to post or what to post. The original poster cross-posted so I think that that confused a number of people. We had a lot of people posting here that normally posted to other groups, that was confusing. So now that we all know why we are confused about this issue, can we go back to being kind to each other and dispense with the posting police???? Valentine writes:
Don’t know who said the fist quote in this post, I know it wasn’t me. I know because I went back and read what I posted. Please go back and read what I did say. I hope you don’t think I am getting on your case, just trying to clear up a misunderstanding. Valentine
Response:
Did you suffer a tragedy during childhood that has somehow contributed to success as an adult? If you share my experience of success out of childhood tragedy, I would like to hear from you. I am researching a book on the topic and will interview a fairly wide variety of people. It is not limited to those who experienced loss as a child, but will include anyone who derived success from a tragic experience.
Scott, I guess this would fit. I was sexually abused by my mother at and after age 4. This opened me to abuses – sexual, physical, emotional and spiritual – for the next 40 years of my life. It led me to the brink of suicide, which I attempted. But somehow I found refuge in music and became a composer while still struggling unaware of the abuse that was making my life miserable. When in my teens, I learned to play piano and became a concertizing pianist. I then went to Harvard University, and majored as a music composition major. I have written almost 100 works over 33 years, and have had many successful performances of my music. I consider my life a success story, but I still wrestle with pain, self-esteem issues, and the thought that my career could have progressed much further much faster had I not been abused. But since I took refuge in art to both escape from *and* process my inner pain and trauma, I guess the advantages to me have outweighed the disadvantages. Sincerely, Rick S. (PhD. in music, btw)
Response:
Crisis writes:
No no it wasn’t you. The whole post seem very directional and I just feel that we should be able to post what we want and if the person you are posting to has a problem with it they can ask. Or better yet if they like your post they can thank you, but I’m not seeing much of that lately, well, yes I have, its just that there has been a lot of the other lately and over stupid third part type posts where its hard for them to figure out who it is they are pissed at. Must be angries in the air. But no Valerie, it wasn’t you, you are one of the fairest, most reasonable posters here. Valentine writes:
Since I see no posts on this thread from Valerie and your posts follow my posts I get the feeling you think that I am Valerie. I can understand that since both start with V. My name is Valentine though and I am a seperate person than Valerie. Not an alter a really and truly seperate person (probalby living in two different states) seperate person. Thanks for understanding, Valentine aka Romana
Response:
No no it wasn’t you. The whole post seem very directional and I just feel that we should be able to post what we want and if the person you are posting to has a problem with it they can ask. Or better yet if they like your post they can thank you, but I’m not seeing much of that lately, well, yes I have, its just that there has been a lot of the other lately and over stupid third part type posts where its hard for them to figure out who it is they are pissed at. Must be angries in the air. But no Valerie, it wasn’t you, you are one of the fairest, most reasonable posters here. Take care, Crisis
Response:
writes: Let’s try not to compare peoples’ pain. It is not possible.
Agreed and I don’t think anyone was doing that nor would they. Lets also not tell anyone how to post or what to post. The original poster cross-posted so I think that that confused a number of people. We had a lot of people posting here that normally posted to other groups, that was confusing. So now that we all know why we are confused about this issue, can we go back to being kind to each other and dispense with the posting police???? Crisis
Response:
Lace writes:
After reading your responses I was terribly concerned. Who are you to tell a persona that their pain wasn’t as great as yours? This man was explaining to us that he had a terrible loss that contributed to his success as an adult. Who said that everyone in this newsgroup must have PTSD? I’m sure that many do – However, we are not to discourage people, who do not have it, to respond. I am really shocked to see these responses coming from a group who are normally so supportive regardless of your situation. Let’s try not to compare peoples’ pain. It is not possible. Valentine writes:
Who says this newsgroups must have PTSD, well this is an abuse survival newsgroup. I am not saying that people who suffer for different reasons cannot post here, but this is the primary reason for this groups existence. I don’t think that is what people had a problem with. I believe what people had a problem with was an attitude protrayed in the post. It almost had an air of superiority. Maybe it is because we all wish we had the loving nurturing relationship with our parents that he had with his. It is wonderful that he was able to rise above his tragedy and do well in life. We who were denied the tools in childhood are only now as adults learning them. We tend to be a bit teritorial maybe and definitely a little sensitive about people coming in and telling us about issues that we can’t understand. We can’t understand because for us losing our parents in adelescense would have been a good thing. It would have been escape from abuse and neglect.
Response:
writes: Who are you to tell a persona that their pain wasn’t as great as yours? This man was explaining to us that he had a terrible loss that contributed to his success as an adult.
Who are you to shame anyone for what they write? I am suspicious and I get tired of people posting to this ng to get life stories. It makes me feel like a bug under glass. They want to gawk at the poor abused people. Not for me thank you very much. Long about now, I’m kind of flip about that. I truly am sorry if you have a problem about that. I know a lot of people want to spill out their lives to people who want to publish it or use it in some way, but I find it offensive of these people to continually ask for personal data. One of the nice things about this ng is that we can write what we think and feel without fear. I am sorry you don’t like our replies to this gentlemen, but they are OUR replies not yours. You have control over your opinion we have control over ours. If you think this man has had a hard life and needs support, by all means give it to him. Don’t shame us for not doing so. It is a choice I believe this was cross posted to a number of abuse groups, thus the ptsd person was from alt.recovery.ptst, I think. If he did not have ptst, they might think he was off topic if they didn’t know he cross posted. Take care, Crisis
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – For me the fact that I am still alive is a success story onto itself… I have watched many people who have not survied …. losing it to the razers edge or falling to the bottom of a bottle,,,,those of us who learn to live again are successful …. I think perhaps what Pete means is that even in the "bottom of a bottle" we can find hope….and we can move from there to "success." Out of the deepest darkness can come the brightest, most brilliant light. Love & Peace, Bill Sorry if I seem to jump on you…. Jane "We can’t do great things in this life….. …..we can only do small things with great love" Mother Theresa WWW Page: http://www.premier.net/~zoom
Bill Sorry hon that is not what I ment at all….. If you read the original post the gentleman who posted it wanted to know if anyone here had a story of trimph and went on to rise above it and became a success…. He lost both his parents as a teenager…. and went on to be successful…. i asked him what he considered a success was? power …. money …. what… I cansider the fact I am still alive a success in itsself… I have had friends who have crawled inside a bottle (drank themselfs stupid) and never came out I have had one friend slice her wrists and die…. The pain took its tole…. I have tried both avenews in one way or anther myself …. it was dumb luck …. a speciel love …. and therapy that got me to the point where I am not just a surviver but a liver… I do not beet my children…. the once dirty secret my family tried so hard to hide is out inthe open … my children are not subjected to it… I love life… something i never thought i would I love a man …. something i never thought i could I am loved ….. something i never belived i was worthy off I have three wonderful children …. and they are the reason dirty secrets had to be told …. they gave me strength I never know I had I discovered I am who I am because of and in spit off a horrfic childhood… This is my success story…… it comes with no power but my own…. no recognition except from those I love and call friend… no payment excpt a smile …. but no less a success Jane
Response:
After reading your responses I was terribly concerned. Who are you to tell a persona that their pain wasn’t as great as yours? This man was explaining to us that he had a terrible loss that contributed to his success as an adult. Who said that everyone in this newsgroup must have PTSD? I’m sure that many do – However, we are not to discourage people, who do not have it, to respond. I am really shocked to see these responses coming from a group who are normally so supportive regardless of your situation. Let’s try not to compare peoples’ pain. It is not possible. See Posts responded to below: Did you suffer a tragedy during childhood that has somehow contributed to success as an adult? I lost both my parents during adolescence, and it was a key, defining moment in my life. Along with the obvious negative implications of such a loss, I have derived a tremendous amount of strength from the experience. Rather than becoming a victim of my circumstances, I faced the situation head-on and found independence, the world outside a small town and a loving part of my extended family.
I am happy for you that you did not become a victum and that you found independence and strength. But at this newsgroup we have PTSD= We are victim’s.It overwhelmed the ordinary human adaptions to life. What has happened to us were outside the norm of what most pe= ople experience. You can look up the definition of ptsd all over the net. I think you need to do that. I agree with what you have to say. As tragic as his loss was it is not the same thing as what we are talking about here. He probably had the love and support of his family until they were taken from him, that is why it is such a tragedy. He also had the love and support of his extended family and he lived in a small close knit town. He had the tools to help him live through this tragedy.
"Keep your words sweet, in case you have to eat them." Proverb <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Response:
you. Scott Manning
Scott, When I was a child, my mother used to punish me by making me dress up like Natalie Wood in "West Side Story" then having me sing "I Feel Pretty" to the neighbors. The worst thing about it was that I look like Edwin Newman and was boo-ed off the stoop during every performance. Despite the awful burden of my past, I went on the founded the first Psychic Hotline dedicated to serving the needs of young people you have an unnatural affection for their pet poodles, and am currently running for Congress. If you can make a better offer than Geraldo for my story, please mail. Elmer (Who’s that pretty girl in that mirror there?)
Response:
Scott writes:
I am happy for you that you did not become a victum and that you found independence and strength. But at this newsgroup we have PTSD We are victim’s.It overwhelmed the ordinary human adaptions to life. What has happened to us were outside the norm of what most people experience. You can look up the definition of ptsd all over the net. I think you need to do that. Valentine writes:
I agree with what you have to say. As tragic as his loss was it is not the same thing as what we are talking about here. He probably had the love and support of his family until they were taken from him, that is why it is such a tragedy. He also had the love and support of his extended family and he lived in a small close knit town. He had the tools to help him live through this tragedy. When I was growing up I had parents that were more intent on my destruction than trying to nuture me and raise me to be a strong independent person. I was not given the tools to overcome shit. I was not even given the opportunity to become a person, so I had to become many people. I know it sounds awful, but it would have been better if I had suffered such a loss and went to loving members of my exteneded family (although I don’t know if any such thing exists or existed in my family). It is just so hard to explain to people how it is for a person who has been abused most of their life. They tell you have the choice to be strong and not weak. Yea right, how if you are never taught how. These are not skills that you are born with it is the legacy of good parenting. The only legacy I have from my parents is self destruction. I am trying very hard to change that and with the help of the Goddess and some good friends I know I will succeed.
Response:
Chadwick) writes: I think perhaps what Pete means is that even in the "bottom of a bottle" we can find hope….and we can move from there to "success." Out of the deepest darkness can come the brightest, most brilliant light.
You know what? I think you can get many meanings to Pete’s post depending on what newsgroup you post to. For me just living through the childhood I did makes me believe that I am a strong enough survivor to search for the truth and go on with the rest of my life. I think it all depends on where you are coming from guys. Take care, Crisis
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Did you suffer a tragedy during childhood that has somehow contributed to success as an adult? I lost both my parents during adolescence, and it was a key, defining moment in my life. Along with the obvious negative implications of such a loss, I have derived a tremendous amount of strength from the experience. Rather than becoming a victim of my circumstances, I faced the situation head-on and found independence, the world outside a small town and a loving part of my extended family. If you share my experience of success out of childhood tragedy, I would like to hear from you. I am researching a book on the topic and will interview a fairly wide variety of people. It is not limited to those who experienced loss as a child, but will include anyone who derived success from a tragic experience. you.
Scott, Even though it’s late at night here, I have to agree with Jane’s comments. Being raised by my Catholic parents who stuck it out for the "sake" of we five children, I watched my father destroy himself, my mother be eternally bitter, each one of we children have had trouble in our adult lives. The biggest thing I realized was we had no role models. Being an adult now I can see how my parents made each other miserable. My one vow is to learn from their mistakes and not to pass onto my children the ha ngups that entombed me for so long, thanks to my parents. It is odd how we humans can never admit to our mistakes and go forth. We seem to love to wallow in self pity, guess it gives us a reason for not doing anything. We can always blame someone else for our misfortunes. Good Luck! C. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Scott Manning Dear Scott It is early in the morning so please do not take my comments and ?? as negative,,,, What do you consider Successful ? Is it a measure of power place… or money ? For me the fact that I am still alive is a success story onto itself… I have watched many people who have not survied …. losing it to the razers edge or falling to the bottom of a bottle,,,,those of us who learn to live again are successful …. Sorry if I seem to jump on you…. Jane
Response:
Did you suffer a tragedy during childhood that has somehow contributed to success as an adult? I lost both my parents during adolescence, and it was a key, defining moment in my life. Along with the obvious negative implications of such a loss, I have derived a tremendous amount of strength from the experience.
It’s terribly sad when someone loses there parents at any age but esp when one is young. There is no doubt it will affect one’s life= Rather than becoming a victim of my circumstances, I faced the situation head-on and found independence, the world outside a small town and a loving part of my extended family.
I am happy for you that you did not become a victum and that you found independence and strength. But at this newsgroup we have PTSD= We are victim’s.It overwhelmed the ordinary human adaptions to life. What has happened to us were outside the norm of what most pe= ople experience. You can look up the definition of ptsd all over the net. I think you need to do that. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Scott Manning
Response:
For me the fact that I am still alive is a success story onto itself… I have watched many people who have not survied …. losing it to the razers edge or falling to the bottom of a bottle,,,,those of us who learn to live again are successful ….
I think perhaps what Pete means is that even in the "bottom of a bottle" we can find hope….and we can move from there to "success." Out of the deepest darkness can come the brightest, most brilliant light. Love & Peace, Bill Sorry if I seem to jump on you…. Jane
"We can’t do great things in this life….. …..we can only do small things with great love" Mother Theresa WWW Page: http://www.premier.net/~zoom
Response:
writes: For me the fact that I am still alive is a success story onto itself…
Couldn’t say it better. Crisis
Response:
I agree with Jane. I am now 47 and starting to see the results of a great amount of work. However, I believe that I have been successful all along the way. In addition, I have not perpetrated the sexual abuse against anyone that was done to me. What is successful? steven – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Did you suffer a tragedy during childhood that has somehow contributed to success as an adult? I lost both my parents during adolescence, and it was a key, defining moment in my life. Along with the obvious negative implications of such a loss, I have derived a tremendous amount of strength from the experience. Rather than becoming a victim of my circumstances, I faced the situation head-on and found independence, the world outside a small town and a loving part of my extended family. If you share my experience of success out of childhood tragedy, I would like to hear from you. I am researching a book on the topic and will interview a fairly wide variety of people. It is not limited to those who experienced loss as a child, but will include anyone who derived success from a tragic experience. you. Scott Manning Dear Scott It is early in the morning so please do not take my comments and ?? as negative,,,, What do you consider Successful ? Is it a measure of power place… or money ? For me the fact that I am still alive is a success story onto itself… I have watched many people who have not survied …. losing it to the razers edge or falling to the bottom of a bottle,,,,those of us who learn to live again are successful …. Sorry if I seem to jump on you…. Jane
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Did you suffer a tragedy during childhood that has somehow contributed to success as an adult? I lost both my parents during adolescence, and it was a key, defining moment in my life. Along with the obvious negative implications of such a loss, I have derived a tremendous amount of strength from the experience. Rather than becoming a victim of my circumstances, I faced the situation head-on and found independence, the world outside a small town and a loving part of my extended family. If you share my experience of success out of childhood tragedy, I would like to hear from you. I am researching a book on the topic and will interview a fairly wide variety of people. It is not limited to those who experienced loss as a child, but will include anyone who derived success from a tragic experience. you. Scott Manning
Dear Scott It is early in the morning so please do not take my comments and ?? as negative,,,, What do you consider Successful ? Is it a measure of power place… or money ? For me the fact that I am still alive is a success story onto itself… I have watched many people who have not survied …. losing it to the razers edge or falling to the bottom of a bottle,,,,those of us who learn to live again are successful …. Sorry if I seem to jump on you…. Jane
Response:
writes: For me the fact that I am still alive is a success story onto itself… I have watched many people who have not survied …. losing it to the razers edge or falling to the bottom of a bottle,,,,those of us who learn to live again are successful ….
Jane, It is early in the morning, but you said it right!!! Each and everyday that we are here in the present is a success. jeeco Go in Peace, Believe in Peace, Create Peace. - K. McTigue
Response:
Did you suffer a tragedy during childhood that has somehow contributed to success as an adult? I lost both my parents during adolescence, and it was a key, defining moment in my life. Along with the obvious negative implications of such a loss, I have derived a tremendous amount of strength from the experience. Rather than becoming a victim of my circumstances, I faced the situation head-on and found independence, the world outside a small town and a loving part of my extended family. If you share my experience of success out of childhood tragedy, I would like to hear from you. I am researching a book on the topic and will interview a fairly wide variety of people. It is not limited to those who experienced loss as a child, but will include anyone who derived success from a tragic experience. you. Scott Manning
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