Trauma – PTSD

Question:

Hello to one and all.  I haven’t been active here in ASD for a number of years.  At one point, systemic cohesion was established, so all (or most) of the parts worked closely together.  However, a series of crises has caused my internal structure to re-fracture.  Some dramatic events in the last year have facilitated this crisis, and my dissociation has become a big hairy monster again. (spoilered just in case, though I don’t think there’s much that will serve as an overt trigger for anyone) * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * I  am dealing relatively well with things, when seen in the proper perspective.  I haven’t been able to work since July 8th of 2002, so it’s been over a year.  I found a therapist whom I can afford – she’s an intern, and as luck would have it, her preferred area of study is dissociation.  And since she’s an intern, I only have to pay her $5 per week.  Sometimes the universe smiles on me…  ;) It’s taken more than eight months for me to get my paperwork together and get it all submitted to Social Security.  I sent off the last of my forms and narrative last week.  Since I can no longer afford a private psychiatrist (I last saw mine in January of this year), the adjudicator at Social Security has scheduled a diagnostic interview with a psych (woman, thank the heavens) in the middle of August.  Her report will be forwarded to the adjudicator, and he will then make his decision. On a "linear" level, I know that there is ample, even voluminous documentation that supports my claim for disability.  Every doctor whom I’ve consulted in the last year has attested to severe impairment.  I lose time frequently, can’t remember much of anything, have acute anxiety (can’t go out of the house without my partner or adult daughter to keep me "anchored"), and severe depression.  Then there are the other fun dissociative symptoms – conversations and experiences that are described to me, of which I have no memory.  I’m sure all this sounds pretty familiar to most of you. Still, on an emotional level, I am frightened.  My m*ther always told me I was cr*zy, and she always got really mad when I was sick.  I remember once when I had a horrific case of food poisoning, and I had been dry-heaving for hours, with a fever of nearly 104.  She locked me in my room with a can of 7-up soda, plus our cat for company.  I guess she’d figured I’d eventually get better or – well, you can draw your own conclusions. I’m trying to keep myself from totally freaking about this whole situation. I collected Short-Term Disability pay through my previous employer’s insurance, and I am filing an appeal for Long-Term Disability, since they invoked the "pre-existing condition" clause in initially denying my claim. I am collecting unemployment, which keeps the rent paid and food on the table, but it’s now gotten to the point where I’m going to have my car repossessed.  I don’t have the luxury of freaking over it, so I’m just trying to keep it together. Has anyone else here gone through the Social Security process?  If so, do you have any insights to offer regarding the process?  I would be most grateful for any wisdom you might care to share. Warmest, safest greetings to all, and thanks for listening. Joanne of the Virtual Goddess continuum / Laughing Wolf collective

Response:

Hey Melissa, I think you are *very* fortunate to be receiving so much help at no cost to you.  Where I live, loads of ppl are waiting months just to get an appt with one therp.  Fwiw, since you are receiving the gvnt help that you are (SSI and SSD), you are ineligible for food stamps bc what you receive is considered enough. SofT Melissa wrote… I had a very difficult time -mentally- going through all of it. I don’t think I can even go into the detail of it all because it was bad. Just my own feelings going through the whole thing which were all tied up in my own "stuff" (like your history of getting punished for being sick. That kind of thing.) One aspect of it that was particularly hard for me was that I’d been trying for about 3 yrs at that point to convince

everybody -including – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – myself- that I was ok. I was fine. I knew I wasn’t but I had to pretend I was so that maybe I’d get work, or not be comitted (I thought) or not frighten people or be "punished’ etc. So while I knew I wasn’t ok, I didn’t let anybody in my RL know. That was HUGELY dangerous to me IMO. Then, there I was trying to convince people (at the soc sec office) how NOT ok I was! It went against everything we’d tried very hard to hide. I mean we were *supposed* to do that. How could we get SS if we didn’t do that? But detailing everything on paper, telling total strangers -stranges with the GOVERNMENT no less!- AND having it docmented somewhere???! It was a totally totally frightening process and I was freaked out by it. It was so hard to do the exact opposite and detail just how NOT ok we were when in every other instance for the past few years we’d gone to excruciating lenghts to NEVER let anybody know about those things because it was CRUCIAL that people (particularly people in a position of authority) think we were perfectly fine, ok and normal. And did I mention, this was the GOVENRMENT?! I mean I’m particularly wary of anybody in authority knowing if we’re not ok, and here I was documenting and detailing it all for the *Government!!!** :Oo That being said, get as much documentation as you can from anybody who can support what you’re saying. Including all your old pdocs and tpsts or regular docs, soc. workers, even people who know you if they’ve seen some of the trouble you’ve had. Be very detailed. I had one tpst I’d seen for 8 years, and even though I wasn’t currently seeing them anymore, I think their info might have been the most crucial. They could show the history and pattern of behaviour. I got my SSI and SSD. I can’t believe it but I did. Apparently there was enough documentation from my previous tpsts to convince them I was nuts Ok, fine, maybe not "nuts" but certainly not ok. Mine application even had a *2nd* review. Aparently they pick some applications at random every now and then and do a second review on them for quality control purposes. Lucky me. O Passed that one too though. Wish I knew what those past tpsts wrote! I still have a difficult time with all of the gov. programs and applying for things I find out I’m eligible for (because nobody tells you you’re then eligible for OTHER services. You have to find that out on your own.) Applying for each of those is still scary to me. They’re good to have though. I’m lucky in this respect. It’s not quite enough for me to survive off of, and I could still lose my apt., but its bought me some time, and that’s good. Some stuff I’m very lucky to have right now? Medic*re and Medic*id. Doesn’t cover everything but covers more than you’d think. Some Dr.’s who take those insurances are ok. Some are even good. Suprise suprise. I -somehow- got a tpst who takes both insurances so my visits w/ them 3 times a week are FREE to me. Can you believe that? I still can’t. This person may end up being very good too. I’m not totally decided on that yet, but it’s someone I’d have chosen to see even if I didn’t have Medic*re/medic*id. Three times a week! Tpy! I don’t have to pay a thing! That’s unheard of to me. I get to ride public transportation for half price. I thought I’d feel weird doing that. But I’ve gotta say, every time I see the price ring up at half of the normal price, I don’t feel ashamed, I get this wave of relief and gratefulness that sweeps over me. It’s kind of strange. Next obstacle… applying for food stamps. Gotta do it. I know I’m eligible. But I’ve had the forms for over 3 months now. It’s very difficult for me to follow through on these things. I still have a "block" about stuff like this. But once you’ve got it…. I can just say that I’m really really grateful for what we’ve gotten so far. I feel… Ugh… I hate this word, -"bl*ssed"? That might kind of best describe it though.  -and I can’t wait to get off of it all too! I hope I will. Find a way to do everything you can for the benefits. Push through it. You *are* entitled. It is worth it. Best of luck. Melissa

Response:

Hello and welcome back to asd.   I think the dx of depression is much more likely to be seen and received as a disability than being dissociative. SofT

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello to one and all.  I haven’t been active here in ASD for a number of years.  At one point, systemic cohesion was established, so all (or most) of the parts worked closely together.  However, a series of crises has caused my internal structure to re-fracture.  Some dramatic events in the last year have facilitated this crisis, and my dissociation has become a big hairy monster again. (spoilered just in case, though I don’t think there’s much that will serve as an overt trigger for anyone) * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * I  am dealing relatively well with things, when seen in the proper perspective.  I haven’t been able to work since July 8th of 2002, so it’s been over a year.  I found a therapist whom I can afford – she’s an intern, and as luck would have it, her preferred area of study is dissociation.  And since she’s an intern, I only have to pay her $5 per week. Sometimes the universe smiles on me…  ;) It’s taken more than eight months for me to get my paperwork together and get it all submitted to Social Security.  I sent off the last of my forms and narrative last week.  Since I can no longer afford a private psychiatrist (I last saw mine in January of this year), the adjudicator at Social Security has scheduled a diagnostic interview with a psych (woman, thank the heavens) in the middle of August.  Her report will be forwarded to the adjudicator, and he will then make his decision. On a "linear" level, I know that there is ample, even voluminous documentation that supports my claim for disability.  Every doctor whom I’ve consulted in the last year has attested to severe impairment.  I lose time frequently, can’t remember much of anything, have acute anxiety (can’t go out of the house without my partner or adult daughter to keep me "anchored"), and severe depression.  Then there are the other fun dissociative symptoms – conversations and experiences that are described to me, of which I have no memory.  I’m sure all this sounds pretty familiar to most of you. Still, on an emotional level, I am frightened.  My m*ther always told me I was cr*zy, and she always got really mad when I was sick.  I remember once when I had a horrific case of food poisoning, and I had been dry-heaving for hours, with a fever of nearly 104.  She locked me in my room with a can of 7-up soda, plus our cat for company.  I guess she’d figured I’d eventually get better or – well, you can draw your own conclusions. I’m trying to keep myself from totally freaking about this whole situation. I collected Short-Term Disability pay through my previous employer’s insurance, and I am filing an appeal for Long-Term Disability, since they invoked the "pre-existing condition" clause in initially denying my claim. I am collecting unemployment, which keeps the rent paid and food on the table, but it’s now gotten to the point where I’m going to have my car repossessed.  I don’t have the luxury of freaking over it, so I’m just trying to keep it together. Has anyone else here gone through the Social Security process?  If so, do you have any insights to offer regarding the process?  I would be most grateful for any wisdom you might care to share. Warmest, safest greetings to all, and thanks for listening. Joanne of the Virtual Goddess continuum / Laughing Wolf collective

Response:

Hmm, maybe it’s a ‘State’ difference bc it’s the State in which one lives that also determines where the poverty line is … funny (or not-so-funny) how that line seems to keep moving, huh?   I do believe that you can mail those forms in and that when it comes time to be interviewed to go over the info you submitted, they’ll make an appt (which you have to keep *g*). SofT – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hey Melissa, I think you are *very* fortunate to be receiving so much help at no cost to you.  Where I live, loads of ppl are waiting months just to get an appt with one therp.  Fwiw, since you are receiving the gvnt help that you are (SSI and SSD), you are ineligible for food stamps bc what you receive is considered enough. Hi, Actually I am elligible Where I live, being on SSI makes me automatically eligible for foodstamps (just like it automatically makes me eligible for Medic*id). If I were not on SSI and only on SSD and the amount I was getting from SSD was too high, I would not be eligible. This is what the Soc. Svcs office told me anyway. But I still have to fill out the stupid forms. Because I’m on SSI I actually get to skip a lot of additional paperwork. Same thing with Medic*id. Being on SSI was an automatic "in". I didn’t have to fill out *any* forms for that. (which is why I didn’t even realize I *had* it for the first 6 months!!!) <sigh Really have to get those things done / Melissa

Response:

Hey Melissa, I think you are *very* fortunate to be receiving so much help at no cost to you.  Where I live, loads of ppl are waiting months just to get an appt with one therp.  Fwiw, since you are receiving the gvnt help that you are (SSI and SSD), you are ineligible for food stamps bc what you receive is considered enough. SofT

That is different information than I have been given and witnessed clients being given from the gov. In IL (and CO) it is possible to get ssi, ssdi _and_ food stamps (and other things like discount public transportation). The best thing to do is check with your local food stamp people to find out how it works in your area. I have a friend in CO (for example) who is getting ssi, ssdi, food stamps, free insurance for kids, something else I can’t remember that has to do with women who have minor children, free clothes, free public transportation and free child care. She gets something like $30,000 a year total in services all combined. She has two kids. Oh, and she gets subsidized housing so she pays something like $100 a month in rent for a three bedroom, two bath, yard, full basement townhouse. I have no idea how she qualified for all of this! She would also get free career assistance to train for a job if she was able to do so. Rainbow Colors (Jill) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Melissa wrote… I had a very difficult time -mentally- going through all of it. I don’t think I can even go into the detail of it all because it was bad. Just my own feelings going through the whole thing which were all tied up in my own "stuff" (like your history of getting punished for being sick. That kind of thing.) One aspect of it that was particularly hard for me was that I’d been trying for about 3 yrs at that point to convince everybody -including myself- that I was ok. I was fine. I knew I wasn’t but I had to pretend I was so that maybe I’d get work, or not be comitted (I thought) or not frighten people or be "punished’ etc. So while I knew I wasn’t ok, I didn’t let anybody in my RL know. That was HUGELY dangerous to me IMO. Then, there I was trying to convince people (at the soc sec office) how NOT ok I was! It went against everything we’d tried very hard to hide. I mean we were *supposed* to do that. How could we get SS if we didn’t do that? But detailing everything on paper, telling total strangers -stranges with the GOVERNMENT no less!- AND having it docmented somewhere???! It was a totally totally frightening process and I was freaked out by it. It was so hard to do the exact opposite and detail just how NOT ok we were when in every other instance for the past few years we’d gone to excruciating lenghts to NEVER let anybody know about those things because it was CRUCIAL that people (particularly people in a position of authority) think we were perfectly fine, ok and normal. And did I mention, this was the GOVENRMENT?! I mean I’m particularly wary of anybody in authority knowing if we’re not ok, and here I was documenting and detailing it all for the *Government!!!** :Oo That being said, get as much documentation as you can from anybody who can support what you’re saying. Including all your old pdocs and tpsts or regular docs, soc. workers, even people who know you if they’ve seen some of the trouble you’ve had. Be very detailed. I had one tpst I’d seen for 8 years, and even though I wasn’t currently seeing them anymore, I think their info might have been the most crucial. They could show the history and pattern of behaviour. I got my SSI and SSD. I can’t believe it but I did. Apparently there was enough documentation from my previous tpsts to convince them I was nuts Ok, fine, maybe not "nuts" but certainly not ok. Mine application even had a *2nd* review. Aparently they pick some applications at random every now and then and do a second review on them for quality control purposes. Lucky me. O Passed that one too though. Wish I knew what those past tpsts wrote! I still have a difficult time with all of the gov. programs and applying for things I find out I’m eligible for (because nobody tells you you’re then eligible for OTHER services. You have to find that out on your own.) Applying for each of those is still scary to me. They’re good to have though. I’m lucky in this respect. It’s not quite enough for me to survive off of, and I could still lose my apt., but its bought me some time, and that’s good. Some stuff I’m very lucky to have right now? Medic*re and Medic*id. Doesn’t cover everything but covers more than you’d think. Some Dr.’s who take those insurances are ok. Some are even good. Suprise suprise. I -somehow- got a tpst who takes both insurances so my visits w/ them 3 times a week are FREE to me. Can you believe that? I still can’t. This person may end up being very good too. I’m not totally decided on that yet, but it’s someone I’d have chosen to see even if I didn’t have Medic*re/medic*id. Three times a week! Tpy! I don’t have to pay a thing! That’s unheard of to me. I get to ride public transportation for half price. I thought I’d feel weird doing that. But I’ve gotta say, every time I see the price ring up at half of the normal price, I don’t feel ashamed, I get this wave of relief and gratefulness that sweeps over me. It’s kind of strange. Next obstacle… applying for food stamps. Gotta do it. I know I’m eligible. But I’ve had the forms for over 3 months now. It’s very difficult for me to follow through on these things. I still have a "block" about stuff like this. But once you’ve got it…. I can just say that I’m really really grateful for what we’ve gotten so far. I feel… Ugh… I hate this word, -"bl*ssed"? That might kind of best describe it though.  -and I can’t wait to get off of it all too! I hope I will. Find a way to do everything you can for the benefits. Push through it. You *are* entitled. It is worth it. Best of luck. Melissa

–      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

Response:

As I understand it, the federal social security program determination works like this:     If one is determined to be totally and permanently disabled, that one qualifies for ssi.  However, if that same person has worked enough quarters in the strangely random configuration of them that the ss office evaluates, the same one can be eligible for both ssi and ssdi.  That was the case with me.  So then what social security does is pays you out of the ssi coffers but makes up the difference, were one entitled to more via ssdi, by taking that amt. outa the ssdi coffers.  And, with that going on, the one in question remains eligible for all of the other bennies, even while collecting ssdi.  However, there are income limits, no matter what, that affect eligibility for different state and county programs. trill, who would REALLY rather not be poor enough to be a recipient of all the bennies I get.  I’d rather make a lot more money than I get from all the bennies put together by working at something I enjoy.         oh well

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – In lots of states ( I had thought it was all but maybe it is just many), what makes the difference in whether or not you are eligible for all those different kinds of programs like food stamps, rental assistance, vocational rehab, etc is whether you qualify for SSI. SSI allows you to become eligible for lots f other stuff. If your SSD payments are too high to get you SSI, then you can’t get many of those other kinds of assistance. If you don’t get SSD or if your SSD payments are low enough that you can still qualify for SSI, then you are eligible for lots of different programs. The part that seems to vary the most from county to county as well as state to state is what particular programs are available.  But SSI is often the gateway for whatever is available in each partcular area. -Nancy That is different information than I have been given and witnessed clients being given from the gov. In IL (and CO) it is possible to get ssi, ssdi _and_ food stamps (and other things like discount public transportation). The best thing to do is check with your local food stamp people to find out how it works in your area. I have a friend in CO (for example) who is getting ssi, ssdi, food stamps, free insurance for kids, something else I can’t remember that has to do with women who have minor children, free clothes, free public transportation and free child care. She gets something like $30,000 a year total in services all combined. She has two kids. Oh, and she gets subsidized housing so she pays something like $100 a month in rent for a three bedroom, two bath, yard, full basement townhouse. I have no idea how she qualified for all of this! She would also get free career assistance to train for a job if she was able to do so. Rainbow Colors (Jill)

Response:

Hi Joanne,     I have been on disability for three years.  I managed to get it with one pass, that is by virtue of my first application, no appeals needed, which i understand is unusual.  Because it is unusual i freaked out that they saw me as so bad off so quickly, but that was a stupid thing to freak out about because in the end, as you report, i’ve got food on the table, a table to put food on, and I’ve also got a roof over my head.  I have little else.  I live an enormously isolated life that is filled with fear and horrible nightmares and flashbacks.  in addition i have now been dxed with more than one major physical disability, and the symptoms of those prevent me from being the once _extremely_ physically active person that i was.     Professionally, I was a professor most recently, and most of my social life was centered in the university that employed me.  I’ve been pretty isolated since leaving that arena.     There’s not enough $$ to live on from ssdi, and especially from ssi. So, be careful     The way i got through in the first pass was by having multiple letters from four different psychiatrists all attesting to the same dx of d.i.d. and ptsd and depression.  everyone said i had s**cdl ideations.  and my t wrote horrible sounding reports about me that included observations of me as catatonic for periods of time.     It was a hugely traumatic experience to go through to get this benefit, as it is referred to, but, i’m living proof that it can be done.     I don’t recommend that you try to look your best for the psych interview or for any other interview.  And, if you can get your t to write up a summary that is specific and includes doctor reports to corroborate hir findings, you will probably do much better than without those things.     Otoh, if you can figure out any way at all to return to work and stay among the employed, my opinion is that you will be better off in every way. Materially, emotionally, and health care wise.     Should you receive disability benefits, ssi only comes with medicaid, and that is more of a pretend insurance than an actual health plan.  And should you receive ssdi you will not be eligible for medicare for two years. Meanwhile, if you can collect cobra benefits, the premium charge is 150% of the premium when you work, and you must pay for the entire thing.  Then there are copays, etc.     I lost my car about 2 yrs. ago.  It increased the difficulty level in my life by about 300%.  For instance, I must stop writing now because I’ve got to do things to get ready to leave here for physical thrpy. good luck with your decision and efforts.  Feel free to ask me for more info.  It’s best to ask me here, because I rarely look at my juno site addy. I keep hoping that twwells will start working again. and that’s it for now, trill

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello to one and all.  I haven’t been active here in ASD for a number of years.  At one point, systemic cohesion was established, so all (or most) of the parts worked closely together.  However, a series of crises has caused my internal structure to re-fracture.  Some dramatic events in the last year have facilitated this crisis, and my dissociation has become a big hairy monster again. (spoilered just in case, though I don’t think there’s much that will serve as an overt trigger for anyone) * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * * * * * safety, please! * * * * * I  am dealing relatively well with things, when seen in the proper perspective.  I haven’t been able to work since July 8th of 2002, so it’s been over a year.  I found a therapist whom I can afford – she’s an intern, and as luck would have it, her preferred area of study is dissociation. And since she’s an intern, I only have to pay her $5 per week.  Sometimes the universe smiles on me…  ;) It’s taken more than eight months for me to get my paperwork together and get it all submitted to Social Security.  I sent off the last of my forms and narrative last week.  Since I can no longer afford a private psychiatrist (I last saw mine in January of this year), the adjudicator at Social Security has scheduled a diagnostic interview with a psych (woman, thank the heavens) in the middle of August.  Her report will be forwarded to the adjudicator, and he will then make his decision. On a "linear" level, I know that there is ample, even voluminous documentation that supports my claim for disability.  Every doctor whom I’ve consulted in the last year has attested to severe impairment.  I lose time frequently, can’t remember much of anything, have acute anxiety (can’t go out of the house without my partner or adult daughter to keep me "anchored"), and severe depression.  Then there are the other fun dissociative symptoms – conversations and experiences that are described to me, of which I have no memory.  I’m sure all this sounds pretty familiar to most of you. Still, on an emotional level, I am frightened.  My m*ther always told me I was cr*zy, and she always got really mad when I was sick.  I remember once when I had a horrific case of food poisoning, and I had been dry-heaving for hours, with a fever of nearly 104.  She locked me in my room with a can of 7-up soda, plus our cat for company.  I guess she’d figured I’d eventually get better or – well, you can draw your own conclusions. I’m trying to keep myself from totally freaking about this whole situation. I collected Short-Term Disability pay through my previous employer’s insurance, and I am filing an appeal for Long-Term Disability, since they invoked the "pre-existing condition" clause in initially denying my claim. I am collecting unemployment, which keeps the rent paid and food on the table, but it’s now gotten to the point where I’m going to have my car repossessed.  I don’t have the luxury of freaking over it, so I’m just trying to keep it together. Has anyone else here gone through the Social Security process?  If so, do you have any insights to offer regarding the process?  I would be most grateful for any wisdom you might care to share. Warmest, safest greetings to all, and thanks for listening. Joanne of the Virtual Goddess continuum / Laughing Wolf collective

Response:

In lots of states ( I had thought it was all but maybe it is just many), what makes the difference in whether or not you are eligible for all those different kinds of programs like food stamps, rental assistance, vocational rehab, etc is whether you qualify for SSI. SSI allows you to become eligible for lots f other stuff. If your SSD payments are too high to get you SSI, then you can’t get many of those other kinds of assistance. If you don’t get SSD or if your SSD payments are low enough that you can still qualify for SSI, then you are eligible for lots of different programs. The part that seems to vary the most from county to county as well as state to state is what particular programs are available.  But SSI is often the gateway for whatever is available in each partcular area. -Nancy That is different information than I have been given and witnessed – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – clients being given from the gov. In IL (and CO) it is possible to get ssi, ssdi _and_ food stamps (and other things like discount public transportation). The best thing to do is check with your local food stamp people to find out how it works in your area. I have a friend in CO (for example) who is getting ssi, ssdi, food stamps, free insurance for kids, something else I can’t remember that has to do with women who have minor children, free clothes, free public transportation and free child care. She gets something like $30,000 a year total in services all combined. She has two kids. Oh, and she gets subsidized housing so she pays something like $100 a month in rent for a three bedroom, two bath, yard, full basement townhouse. I have no idea how she qualified for all of this! She would also get free career assistance to train for a job if she was able to do so. Rainbow Colors (Jill)

Response:

Hello Jill, Like I said in another post, perhaps the difference is a State thing with the line of poverty differing. And who knows, perhaps it makes all the difference when certain states have more money to allocate to their welfare state and are not literally going bankrupt from things like a continuous and massive influx of illegals who suck up and drain available monies, services and programs. SofT

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hey Melissa, I think you are *very* fortunate to be receiving so much help at no cost to you.  Where I live, loads of ppl are waiting months just to get an appt with one therp.  Fwiw, since you are receiving the gvnt help that you are (SSI and SSD), you are ineligible for food stamps bc what you receive is considered enough. SofT That is different information than I have been given and witnessed clients being given from the gov. In IL (and CO) it is possible to get ssi, ssdi _and_ food stamps (and other things like discount public transportation). The best thing to do is check with your local food stamp people to find out how it works in your area. I have a friend in CO (for example) who is getting ssi, ssdi, food stamps, free insurance for kids, something else I can’t remember that has to do with women who have minor children, free clothes, free public transportation and free child care. She gets something like $30,000 a year total in services all combined. She has two kids. Oh, and she gets subsidized housing so she pays something like $100 a month in rent for a three bedroom, two bath, yard, full basement townhouse. I have no idea how she qualified for all of this! She would also get free career assistance to train for a job if she was able to do so. Rainbow Colors (Jill)

Response:

I think the bottom line to all of this is, if you know of someone who is getting gov help in any way and you want to help them out, send them beans or tuna or a shirt, but not money I have heard from more people who say ‘if I get more than $20 in cash I have to report it and then they take it off my check’. Well, I would rather just buy the person a week’s worth of groceries or whatever and save everyone the hassle of figuring out if I gave them $25 or $50 or $16 as a present! Rainbow Colors (Jill) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I think I understood it differently. Or maybe it’s a state thing. Or maybe I’m about to repeat exactly the same thing as you but I think I’m saying something different My understanding was that if you’re disabled, and you’ve worked enough in previous years (ie. you’re whole life up until the time you apply for disability) you’re can get SSD (Social Security Disability). How much you get from SSD each month depends on how much you paid into Soc. Sec. all those years you worked when the goverment took money out of your check and/or taxes for social security. If you worked on the side and didn’t tell anybody or didn’t pay into social security, then the amount you get each month will be lower. What determines how much you get is how much Soc sec. came out of all your past checks. So, depending on how much work you’ve done your whole life, you may get $200 a month or $500 a month or $3000 a month… or really any amount of money a month. It all depends on how much you worked and paid into Soc. Sec. in the past. That (and being approved of course) is the only thing that determines how much SSD money you get each month (and it’s figured out through some strange math calculation they do on their side.) If the amount you’re getting from SSD is higher than whatever your state’s poverty level is, then you cannot get SSI. (I’m suddenly drawing a blank on what the first "s" stands for but the other "S" and I" stand for "Supplemental Income" Maybe it’s "Supplemental Security Income"). SSI is meant to *supplement* your income (hence the name!) if after receiving SSD you’re STILL below the poverty level. So SSI will *supplement* that and pay the difference between whatever you’re getting from SSD and whatever the poverty level is. If you’re getting nothing from SSD, then your whole income will be from SSI. If you’re getting more from SSD, then you may only get $10 or less or nothing from SSI. It’ll be whatever the difference is between your SSD payments and the poverty level. Where I live (and it sounds like this may be a state to state thing), if you get SSI, you’re automatically eligible for certain other services. If you’re getting the SAME amount of income but it’s all coming from SSD -or anywhere else really- and you’re still right at that poverty level but you’re just not getting any of the money from SSI, I think you’re *still* entitled to almost all the same benefits you’d get if you were on SSI (where I live anyway). The difference is you have a lot more paperwork to do to prove you’re really that poor! If you’re on SSI they already KNOW you’re poor and a lot of the application process is skipped. Without SSI you just have to go through extra steps like bringing in old bank statements and paystubs (if any) and utility bills, and your birth cert…. etc. But if you do all of that, I believe you’re still eligible for most of those same services (food stamps, HEAP, medica*d, etc.) So that’s my understanding of how it works -by me anyway. Melissa As I understand it, the federal social security program determination works like this:     If one is determined to be totally and permanently disabled, that one qualifies for ssi.  However, if that same person has worked enough quarters in the strangely random configuration of them that the ss office evaluates, the same one can be eligible for both ssi and ssdi.  That was the case with me.  So then what social security does is pays you out of the ssi coffers but makes up the difference, were one entitled to more via ssdi, by taking that amt. outa the ssdi coffers.  And, with that going on, the one in question remains eligible for all of the other bennies, even while collecting ssdi.  However, there are income limits, no matter what, that affect eligibility for different state and county programs. trill, who would REALLY rather not be poor enough to be a recipient of all the bennies I get.  I’d rather make a lot more money than I get from all the bennies put together by working at something I enjoy.         oh well In lots of states ( I had thought it was all but maybe it is just many), what makes the difference in whether or not you are eligible for all those different kinds of programs like food stamps, rental assistance, vocational rehab, etc is whether you qualify for SSI. SSI allows you to become eligible for lots f other stuff. If your SSD payments are too high to get you SSI, then you can’t get many of those other kinds of assistance. If you don’t get SSD or if your SSD payments are low enough that you can still qualify for SSI, then you are eligible for lots of different programs. The part that seems to vary the most from county to county as well as state to state is what particular programs are available.  But SSI is often the gateway for whatever is available in each partcular area. -Nancy That is different information than I have been given and witnessed clients being given from the gov. In IL (and CO) it is possible to get ssi, ssdi _and_ food stamps (and other things like discount public transportation). The best thing to do is check with your local food stamp people to find out how it works in your area. I have a friend in CO (for example) who is getting ssi, ssdi, food stamps, free insurance for kids, something else I can’t remember that has to do with women who have minor children, free clothes, free public transportation and free child care. She gets something like $30,000 a year total in services all combined. She has two kids. Oh, and she gets subsidized housing so she pays something like $100 a month in rent for a three bedroom, two bath, yard, full basement townhouse. I have no idea how she qualified for all of this! She would also get free career assistance to train for a job if she was able to do so. Rainbow Colors (Jill) "X-No-Archive: yes" is automatically included in the headers of all of my posts. (you may not see it if your preferences aren’t set to "show all headers" but it’s there!) Please write X-No-Archive: yes as the first line of any post replying to one of my posts. Thank You.

–      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

Response:

Thank you, Melissa, for your candid and insightful feedback on this subject. Like you, I try to find something "good" in every situation, no matter how challenging it may be.  And in this case, I am very grateful for several things.  I have already submitted all kinds of documentation, including Daily Living questionnaires completed by my life partner and adult daughter, both of whom live with me.  I also have numerous docs, a psych, and several ER visits that clearly document the dysfunction.  I know EXACTLY what you mean about trying hard to maintain the illusion that everything is "just fine."  I have spent nearly all of my adult life doing just that. Experiences in the last year have facilitated the current crisis.  I have been forced to come face-to-face with my dissociation and what it means in terms of daily living.  That’s both excruciatingly painful, but also very helpful.  There is ample documentation from many varied sources as to my current inability to work.  Also, because I have worked for over 20 years, I am eligible for a Social Security disability payment of about $1098, plus some additional money to take care of my son, who’s 13.  Additionally, I am eligible for Long-Term Disability coverage through Kemper Insurance.  They approved my Short-Term Disability claim in January of this year, but then initially declined my LTD application because of the pre-existing clause. I’ve done my research, however, and have a strong foundation for appealing that decision.  If I am successful in appealing the case, Kemper will pay me the difference between whatever Social Security pays me and a figure equal to 60% of my old salary (before I became disabled last year).  So, that could be about another $800 per month.  I’m crossing my fingers… I know what you mean about the vulnerability involved in laying everything out for review.  I am scheduled to see a psych (thankfully a woman) on Friday, August 15th, for a "diagnostic interview."  I will need to help her understand just how little linear functionality I have right have, kind of a "worst case scenario."  At the same time, I remember my m*ther telling me endlessly that I was "crazy," and I have this deep-seated fear that I’ll be labeled as insane and put away in a nut house.  I know that’s not likely to happen, since I am not a danger to myself (at present), nor am I ever any danger to anyone else.  But still, the irrational but very powrful fear lurks like a tiger in the dark corners of my mind, ready to pounce at the slightest opportunity. The thing that’s interesting about this whole process is that, as a result of my disability, I am being given an opportunity to focus on my own healing.  That’s something I haven’t done with any regularity in my life. Also, I am once again being drawn to writing.  When I was younger, I won awards for my work, and I’d like to get back to writing on a regular basis. Even it the work is only read by myself and those close to me, it will be worthwhile.  It’s the journey, not the destination that matters.  Having said that, I sense there could be at least one worthwhile book within me, waiting to be coaxed onto the written page. I am so grateful for ASD, a forum where those of us who deal with dissociation can let down our guard, and say how it *really* is in our minds, hearts, and lives.  I am sending warm, safe and gentle hugs to all who can accept them. Peace be with you, Joanne of the Virtual Goddess continuum / Laughing Wolf collective

Response:

Trill, thank you for the post regarding the disability process.  It is indeed a cumbersome and lengthy procedure, with massive amounts of documentation required.  We actually started the Social Security process in November of 2002.  It actually took until just a few days before SS’s initial deadline of May 12th of this year to get the initial forms submitted – and date of disability was July 8th of 2002!  This process entailed an actual trip to the Social Security office, with all the forms completed, plus having a certified copy of the birth certificate, etc. Thankfully, there are members of the continuum whose job it is to perform in a "linear" fashion.  It took an enormous amount of internal resources to make it happen, but this issue was truly one of survival.  We lost about two weeks to the need for "coccooning" after this trip, but the visit to the Social Security office was necessary. After the submission of the initial forms and documentation, a request was received for nearly as much additional documentation, including a "Daily Living" questionnaire, which had to be completed by us, as well as by our partner, plus the biological adult daughter.  All told, this added up to about another 35 additional pages of documentation, including lengthy narratives.  Had to account for the last 15 years of the work history – that was a real challenge.  Yeesh. Got all of that submitted to the adjudicator, and was informed that the records from the various docs, plus the ER (multiple visits – ooooh, bad pun) had also been received.  Alas, the adjudicator also wanted an "update" from the psych we’d last seen in January of this year.  Since there hasn’t been the financial means to see the psych, there was no update available via that resource.  So, there is an appointment set for mid-August to be seen by an (unknown) psych.  The good news is that this psych is a female – thank the stars above.  Still, the idea of needing to lay everything out plain as day for this person is scary indeed. The adjudicator in this case seems to be a decent guy, and he’s actually been pretty compassionate, all things considered.  It probably helped that early on in the process, soon after the submission of the initial paperwork to Social Security, contact was made with both Federal and State elected officials to help "push" the application through.  Plus, it’s pretty clear that this situation is not a "kinda" case.  That’s good news, in terms of the application process, but it’s scary too.  The m*ther used to enjoy telling us that we were crazy, so this whole situation brings up a lot of stuff. For the moment, unemployment is covering the day-to-day survival expenses. We had hoped there would be a (favorable) ruling by now, but the request for an update at the psych has added another month to the process.  Our car will be repossessed in the next week, and there’s a lot of stress around that. However, there’s nothing that can be done to forestall the process, so getting freaked out about it is a luxury that we cannot afford. In a strange way, this whole situation has been a liberating one.  We’ve been challenged by the universe to "let go and trust."  A lot of things deemed essential to our identity(ies) and survival have turned out to be optional and non-essential.  A powerful revelation.  As it was expressed to our t*pst, Carla, "The source of the deepest pain is also the wellspring of the purest creativity and joy."  That’s a pretty powerful insight – especially for the members of the continuum who want so desperately to deny that most of us exist. Forgive the rambling – up early this morning, listening to the birds, and inspired by the beauty of the pre-dawn painting the sky. Elizabeth of the Virtual Goddess continuum with help from Wise One of the Laughing Wolf collective

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – x-no-archive: yes     I think that you are correct and I agree with everything you’ve said. I think I was trying to say the same stuff, but I said it in a different way and perhaps was not understood because I get cumbersome with language sometimes. sorry. good luck, and if there is any way I cany ehlpe you to figure it all out please let me know.  even if it means mailing me brochures and appliction forms including rules from your state.  i handle this stuff for other people very well and have succeeded in winning bennies for people  repeatedly, in the past, when they were otherwise turned down for various bennies. trill

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I think the bottom line to all of this is, if you know of someone who is getting gov help in any way and you want to help them out, send them beans or tuna or a shirt, but not money I have heard from more people who say ‘if I get more than $20 in cash I have to report it and then they take it off my check’. Well, I would rather just buy the person a week’s worth of groceries or whatever and save everyone the hassle of figuring out if I gave them $25 or $50 or $16 as a present! Rainbow Colors (Jill) Hmmm…. I don’t see any mention of chocolate in there…..

For some reason that goes the other direction *huge grin* Speaking of which we have two cookies left. They were _most_ helpful when the in-laws were here. They were dessert a few times. Saved me from having to make anything So, anytime you ‘owe’ me chocolate again I’m in need of it. *hee hee* Rainbow Colors (Jill) —      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

Response:

Hello Melissa, I think you have it pretty well sown up.  Except, I think some things are a ’state’ thing bc I recently finished helping a woman who was only eligible for SSI (Supplemental) bc she had not worked 40 quarters to be eligible for SSDI (she fell short by two quarters), is considered disabled and while she was able to get services like HEAP and Lifeline, no foodstamps, she’s ineligible.  Go figure on how or even why in other states ppl seem to have more available to them in terms of services. SofT – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I think I understood it differently. Or maybe it’s a state thing. Or maybe I’m about to repeat exactly the same thing as you but I think I’m saying something different My understanding was that if you’re disabled, and you’ve worked enough in previous years (ie. you’re whole life up until the time you apply for disability) you’re can get SSD (Social Security Disability). How much you get from SSD each month depends on how much you paid into Soc. Sec. all those years you worked when the goverment took money out of your check and/or taxes for social security. If you worked on the side and didn’t tell anybody or didn’t pay into social security, then the amount you get each month will be lower. What determines how much you get is how much Soc sec. came out of all your past checks. So, depending on how much work you’ve done your whole life, you may get $200 a month or $500 a month or $3000 a month… or really any amount of money a month. It all depends on how much you worked and paid into Soc. Sec. in the past. That (and being approved of course) is the only thing that determines how much SSD money you get each month (and it’s figured out through some strange math calculation they do on their side.) If the amount you’re getting from SSD is higher than whatever your state’s poverty level is, then you cannot get SSI. (I’m suddenly drawing a blank on what the first "s" stands for but the other "S" and I" stand for "Supplemental Income" Maybe it’s "Supplemental Security Income"). SSI is meant to *supplement* your income (hence the name!) if after receiving SSD you’re STILL below the poverty level. So SSI will *supplement* that and pay the difference between whatever you’re getting from SSD and whatever the poverty level is. If you’re getting nothing from SSD, then your whole income will be from SSI. If you’re getting more from SSD, then you may only get $10 or less or nothing from SSI. It’ll be whatever the difference is between your SSD payments and the poverty level. Where I live (and it sounds like this may be a state to state thing), if you get SSI, you’re automatically eligible for certain other services. If you’re getting the SAME amount of income but it’s all coming from SSD -or anywhere else really- and you’re still right at that poverty level but you’re just not getting any of the money from SSI, I think you’re *still* entitled to almost all the same benefits you’d get if you were on SSI (where I live anyway). The difference is you have a lot more paperwork to do to prove you’re really that poor! If you’re on SSI they already KNOW you’re poor and a lot of the application process is skipped. Without SSI you just have to go through extra steps like bringing in old bank statements and paystubs (if any) and utility bills, and your birth cert…. etc. But if you do all of that, I believe you’re still eligible for most of those same services (food stamps, HEAP, medica*d, etc.) So that’s my understanding of how it works -by me anyway. Melissa

Response:

Come to think of it, if you’re reading 14, I think you should head over to wherever Melissa is bc it sure sounds like she has it pretty d*mn good where she is. Of course, you do realize if the word gets out, ppl will be flocking there in droves.  Hopefully, when that happens, you and she won’t see the result being dwindling and non-existent re/sources. Good luck, 14. SofT

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello Melissa, I think you have it pretty well sown up.  Except, I think some things are a ’state’ thing bc I recently finished helping a woman who was only eligible for SSI (Supplemental) bc she had not worked 40 quarters to be eligible for SSDI (she fell short by two quarters), is considered disabled and while she was able to get services like HEAP and Lifeline, no foodstamps, she’s ineligible.  Go figure on how or even why in other states ppl seem to have more available to them in terms of services. SofT I think I understood it differently. Or maybe it’s a state thing. Or maybe I’m about to repeat exactly the same thing as you but I think I’m saying something different My understanding was that if you’re disabled, and you’ve worked enough in previous years (ie. you’re whole life up until the time you apply for disability) you’re can get SSD (Social Security Disability). How much you get from SSD each month depends on how much you paid into Soc. Sec. all those years you worked when the goverment took money out of your check and/or taxes for social security. If you worked on the side and didn’t tell anybody or didn’t pay into social security, then the amount you get each month will be lower. What determines how much you get is how much Soc sec. came out of all your past checks. So, depending on how much work you’ve done your whole life, you may get $200 a month or $500 a month or $3000 a month… or really any amount of money a month. It all depends on how much you worked and paid into Soc. Sec. in the past. That (and being approved of course) is the only thing that determines how much SSD money you get each month (and it’s figured out through some strange math calculation they do on their side.) If the amount you’re getting from SSD is higher than whatever your state’s poverty level is, then you cannot get SSI. (I’m suddenly drawing a blank on what the first "s" stands for but the other "S" and I" stand for "Supplemental Income" Maybe it’s "Supplemental Security Income"). SSI is meant to *supplement* your income (hence the name!) if after receiving SSD you’re STILL below the poverty level. So SSI will *supplement* that and pay the difference between whatever you’re getting from SSD and whatever the poverty level is. If you’re getting nothing from SSD, then your whole income will be from SSI. If you’re getting more from SSD, then you may only get $10 or less or nothing from SSI. It’ll be whatever the difference is between your SSD payments and the poverty level. Where I live (and it sounds like this may be a state to state thing), if you get SSI, you’re automatically eligible for certain other services. If you’re getting the SAME amount of income but it’s all coming from SSD -or anywhere else really- and you’re still right at that poverty level but you’re just not getting any of the money from SSI, I think you’re *still* entitled to almost all the same benefits you’d get if you were on SSI (where I live anyway). The difference is you have a lot more paperwork to do to prove you’re really that poor! If you’re on SSI they already KNOW you’re poor and a lot of the application process is skipped. Without SSI you just have to go through extra steps like bringing in old bank statements and paystubs (if any) and utility bills, and your birth cert…. etc. But if you do all of that, I believe you’re still eligible for most of those same services (food stamps, HEAP, medica*d, etc.) So that’s my understanding of how it works -by me anyway. Melissa

Response:

x-No-Archive: yes Hmmm…. I don’t see any mention of chocolate in there….. Yeah. I’m really, REALLY confused now. Isn’t that the ultimate gift? Why would anyone give money, or tuna or clothes, when they can give chocolate? -Nancy EXACTLY! <vbg!

Unless you are sending stuff to Germany, then you should send coffee. Per Mischa’s bunch they don’t have good hazelnut coffee there so I have to keep them supplied. They send _me_ the chocolate in this case. Rainbow Colors (Jill, all for international ‘trade’:) —      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

Response:

Hmmm…. I don’t see any mention of chocolate in there….. Yeah. I’m really, REALLY confused now. Isn’t that the ultimate gift? Why would anyone give money, or tuna or clothes, when they can give chocolate?

OK! I _obviously_ messed up big time here Fine, so if you are sending tuna or clothes you should _also_ send chocolate. Unless the recipient is one of those really ‘odd’ people who doesn’t eat chocolate. Then you should buy it and eat it yourself. *grumble* Now I have to go out and get chocolate to put in the package I’m sending my niece. Rainbow Colors (Jill) —      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

Response:

all sorts of snippage to get to the chocolate… Speaking of which we have two cookies left. And did you TRY them w/ PB yet??! I may have to send you more just for that! <g

Believe it or not, no. If I remember I’ll do that today. They are just so good by themselves that adding PB seems like a waste. They were _most_ helpful when the in-laws were here. They were dessert a few times. Saved me from having to make anything So, anytime you ‘owe’ me chocolate again I’m in need of it. *hee hee* Ideally the next time will be when I’m NOT dieting!

Either way is fine with me, cause if you ‘need’ to make chocolate things and _you_ can’t eat them… I get more of them *wicked grin* Rainbow Colors (Jill) —      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

Response:

Down there somewhere……

Hmmm…. I don’t see any mention of chocolate in there….. Yeah. I’m really, REALLY confused now. Isn’t that the ultimate gift? Why would anyone give money, or tuna or clothes, when they can give chocolate? OK! I _obviously_ messed up big time here Fine, so if you are sending tuna or clothes you should _also_ send chocolate. Unless the recipient is one of those really ‘odd’ people who doesn’t eat chocolate.

more versatile.  "belch"  :0) 14 Then you should buy it and eat it – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – yourself. *grumble* Now I have to go out and get chocolate to put in the package I’m sending my niece. Rainbow Colors (Jill) —      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

Response:

That was my thinking, moving in her direction…  LOL  But as you say, if word gets out everyone will flock there then I’ll just have to move again. We used to have a good system in CO but that’s before we became another Silicone Valley, the tech market tanked,and now all those people in million dollar homes are in food lines with me.   Used to be a joke about us only having one street light in town, now the joke (sad as it is) is that all we have is one long food bank line. 14

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Come to think of it, if you’re reading 14, I think you should head over to wherever Melissa is bc it sure sounds like she has it pretty d*mn good where she is. Of course, you do realize if the word gets out, ppl will be flocking there in droves.  Hopefully, when that happens, you and she won’t see the result being dwindling and non-existent re/sources. Good luck, 14. SofT Hello Melissa, I think you have it pretty well sown up.  Except, I think some things are a ’state’ thing bc I recently finished helping a woman who was only eligible for SSI (Supplemental) bc she had not worked 40 quarters to be eligible for SSDI (she fell short by two quarters), is considered disabled and while she was able to get services like HEAP and Lifeline, no foodstamps, she’s ineligible.  Go figure on how or even why in other states ppl seem to have more available to them in terms of services. SofT I think I understood it differently. Or maybe it’s a state thing. Or maybe I’m about to repeat exactly the same thing as you but I think I’m saying something different My understanding was that if you’re disabled, and you’ve worked enough in previous years (ie. you’re whole life up until the time you apply for disability) you’re can get SSD (Social Security Disability). How much you get from SSD each month depends on how much you paid into Soc. Sec. all those years you worked when the goverment took money out of your check and/or taxes for social security. If you worked on the side and didn’t tell anybody or didn’t pay into social security, then the amount you get each month will be lower. What determines how much you get is how much Soc sec. came out of all your past checks. So, depending on how much work you’ve done your whole life, you may get $200 a month or $500 a month or $3000 a month… or really any amount of money a month. It all depends on how much you worked and paid into Soc. Sec. in the past. That (and being approved of course) is the only thing that determines how much SSD money you get each month (and it’s figured out through some strange math calculation they do on their side.) If the amount you’re getting from SSD is higher than whatever your state’s poverty level is, then you cannot get SSI. (I’m suddenly drawing a blank on what the first "s" stands for but the other "S" and I" stand for "Supplemental Income" Maybe it’s "Supplemental Security Income"). SSI is meant to *supplement* your income (hence the name!) if after receiving SSD you’re STILL below the poverty level. So SSI will *supplement* that and pay the difference between whatever you’re getting from SSD and whatever the poverty level is. If you’re getting nothing from SSD, then your whole income will be from SSI. If you’re getting more from SSD, then you may only get $10 or less or nothing from SSI. It’ll be whatever the difference is between your SSD payments and the poverty level. Where I live (and it sounds like this may be a state to state thing), if you get SSI, you’re automatically eligible for certain other services. If you’re getting the SAME amount of income but it’s all coming from SSD -or anywhere else really- and you’re still right at that poverty level but you’re just not getting any of the money from SSI, I think you’re *still* entitled to almost all the same benefits you’d get if you were on SSI (where I live anyway). The difference is you have a lot more paperwork to do to prove you’re really that poor! If you’re on SSI they already KNOW you’re poor and a lot of the application process is skipped. Without SSI you just have to go through extra steps like bringing in old bank statements and paystubs (if any) and utility bills, and your birth cert…. etc. But if you do all of that, I believe you’re still eligible for most of those same services (food stamps, HEAP, medica*d, etc.) So that’s my understanding of how it works -by me anyway. Melissa

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Down there somewhere…… Hmmm…. I don’t see any mention of chocolate in there….. Yeah. I’m really, REALLY confused now. Isn’t that the ultimate gift? Why would anyone give money, or tuna or clothes, when they can give chocolate? OK! I _obviously_ messed up big time here Fine, so if you are sending tuna or clothes you should _also_ send chocolate. Unless the recipient is one of those really ‘odd’ people who doesn’t eat chocolate. more versatile.  "belch"  :0) 14

You were exactly who I was thinking of here So, while the in-laws were here they had tuna one day. Kidlette wanted to taste so I let her. She spit it out. Then yesterday we were at a place where they sell vegetarian tuna *grin* and she wanted to get some of it cause it’s ‘real food’ (her words). We walked by the meat counter and she was fascinated by all the hunks of meat laying out. Fritz just said ‘ick’ and walked away Did you know that except for the tuna, canned tuna is vegetarian? Read the label. It says ‘tuna, vegetable broth, water, salt’ why the heck do they put _vegetable_ broth in it? Rainbow Colors (Jill) Then you should buy it and eat it yourself. *grumble* Now I have to go out and get chocolate to put in the package I’m sending my niece. Rainbow Colors (Jill)

–      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

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An official followup to answer the PB question once and for all… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – all sorts of snippage to get to the chocolate… Speaking of which we have two cookies left. And did you TRY them w/ PB yet??! I may have to send you more just for that! <g Believe it or not, no. If I remember I’ll do that today. They are just so good by themselves that adding PB seems like a waste. See? I KNEW it! <g

I tried it last night. The PB is completely lost in the chocolate. I couldn’t taste it at all. I tried putting it on pretty thick and tasting it first and everything and as soon as the chocolate hit my tongue the PB taste was gone. Rainbow Colors (Jill) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – They were _most_ helpful when the in-laws were here. They were dessert a few times. Saved me from having to make anything So, anytime you ‘owe’ me chocolate again I’m in need of it. *hee hee* Ideally the next time will be when I’m NOT dieting! Either way is fine with me, cause if you ‘need’ to make chocolate things and _you_ can’t eat them… I get more of them *wicked grin* Rainbow Colors (Jill) LOL! Very good point! Melissa

–      The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing                    we are becoming white light.

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responded to this same post we gto in privatae and hands are breaking down now so can’t write more but good luck and hpeos you see the private post. very sick and sorry we can’t be strong for the people we care about now. just sick and pain and sweaty and weak and scared. sorry that is jsut explaine and good luck to you – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Trill, thank you for the post regarding the disability process.  It is indeed a cumbersome and lengthy procedure, with massive amounts of documentation required.  We actually started the Social Security process in November of 2002.  It actually took until just a few days before SS’s initial deadline of May 12th of this year to get the initial forms submitted – and date of disability was July 8th of 2002!  This process entailed an actual trip to the Social Security office, with all the forms completed, plus having a certified copy of the birth certificate, etc. Thankfully, there are members of the continuum whose job it is to perform in a "linear" fashion.  It took an enormous amount of internal resources to make it happen, but this issue was truly one of survival.  We lost about two weeks to the need for "coccooning" after this trip, but the visit to the Social Security office was necessary. After the submission of the initial forms and documentation, a request was received for nearly as much additional documentation, including a "Daily Living" questionnaire, which had to be completed by us, as well as by our partner, plus the biological adult daughter.  All told, this added up to about another 35 additional pages of documentation, including lengthy narratives.  Had to account for the last 15 years of the work history – that was a real challenge.  Yeesh. Got all of that submitted to the adjudicator, and was informed that the records from the various docs, plus the ER (multiple visits – ooooh, bad pun) had also been received.  Alas, the adjudicator also wanted an "update" from the psych we’d last seen in January of this year.  Since there hasn’t been the financial means to see the psych, there was no update available via that resource.  So, there is an appointment set for mid-August to be seen by an (unknown) psych.  The good news is that this psych is a female – thank the stars above.  Still, the idea of needing to lay everything out plain as day for this person is scary indeed. The adjudicator in this case seems to be a decent guy, and he’s actually been pretty compassionate, all things considered.  It probably helped that early on in the process, soon after the submission of the initial paperwork to Social Security, contact was made with both Federal and State elected officials to help "push" the application through.  Plus, it’s pretty clear that this situation is not a "kinda" case.  That’s good news, in terms of the application process, but it’s scary too.  The m*ther used to enjoy telling us that we were crazy, so this whole situation brings up a lot of stuff. For the moment, unemployment is covering the day-to-day survival expenses. We had hoped there would be a (favorable) ruling by now, but the request for an update at the psych has added another month to the process.  Our car will be repossessed in the next week, and there’s a lot of stress around that. However, there’s nothing that can be done to forestall the process, so getting freaked out about it is a luxury that we cannot afford. In a strange way, this whole situation has been a liberating one.  We’ve been challenged by the universe to "let go and trust."  A lot of things deemed essential to our identity(ies) and survival have turned out to be optional and non-essential.  A powerful revelation.  As it was expressed to our t*pst, Carla, "The source of the deepest pain is also the wellspring of the purest creativity and joy."  That’s a pretty powerful insight – especially for the members of the continuum who want so desperately to deny that most of us exist. Forgive the rambling – up early this morning, listening to the birds, and inspired by the beauty of the pre-dawn painting the sky. Elizabeth of the Virtual Goddess continuum with help from Wise One of the Laughing Wolf collective x-no-archive: yes     I think that you are correct and I agree with everything you’ve said. I think I was trying to say the same stuff, but I said it in a different way and perhaps was not understood because I get cumbersome with language sometimes. sorry. good luck, and if there is any way I cany ehlpe you to figure it all out please let me know.  even if it means mailing me brochures and appliction forms including rules from your state.  i handle this stuff for other people very well and have succeeded in winning bennies for people  repeatedly, in the past, when they were otherwise turned down for various bennies. trill

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