Question:
Hi all, I have been diagnosed with DID, but I’m almost positive that I wasn’t abused in any physical way as a child. Even the emotional stuff was pretty minor (just a general lack of care as apposed to actively abusive) I’m curios to know if there is anyone else in the group with similar experience.
Hi, Rick. Welcome to asd. It’s a sad fact that most of the people with DID *were* abused early and repeatedly. But you aren’t alone. I wasn’t subjected to abuse by my care givers either. Just as you say a general lack of care. (But that lack of care did set me up as an easy target for other childern who made my early life pretty miserable.) I guess comparatively you and I were blessed. If you care to talk about it, how do you think you developed DID for coping? -Luthe- — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Hi all, I have been diagnosed with DID, but I’m almost positive that I wasn’t abused in any physical way as a child. Even the emotional stuff was pretty minor (just a general lack of care as apposed to actively abusive) I’m curios to know if there is anyone else in the group with similar experience.
Hello Rick, This is not the experience here, however, there is literature supporting other manifestations of DID linked to m*dical procedures, a d*ath in the f*mily or loved pet, seeing an accident, etc. I guess what I’m saying is that tra*ma/splitting can have a variety of sources, of which, ab*se appears to be the most common. I hope this helps. Welcome to asd! Sierra of TN — "And when I pushed with equal force, the wall got thicker and then crumbled around me, leaving an emptiness, yet also a new found freedom to create something new in its place."
Response:
Hi all, I have been diagnosed with DID, but I’m almost positive that I wasn’t abused in any physical way as a child. Even the emotional stuff was pretty minor (just a general lack of care as apposed to actively abusive) I’m curios to know if there is anyone else in the group with similar experience.
Response:
I’m curios to know if there is anyone else in the group with similar experience.
Yes! Me! I was a wild child. Very Curious. When I discovered it, it had already been there for most of my life. Probably age 3 to 6. My parents fought a lot, but I really doubt those trauma theory claims. I’ll post a post called "different point of view", just to be more descriptive, and you may contact me privately if desired: v — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Hi all, I have been diagnosed with DID, but I’m almost positive that I wasn’t abused in any physical way as a child. Even the emotional stuff was pretty minor (just a general lack of care as apposed to actively abusive) I’m curios to know if there is anyone else in the group with similar experience.
Hi Rick, As far as I know it’s certainly possible to be DID without abuse. It can be caused by other forms of trauma for sure. Something which might be important for you to consider is that some people believe ‘neglect’ and ‘betrayal’ to be more significant factors than abuse per se. Mick.
Response:
Hi all, I have been diagnosed with DID, but I’m almost positive that I wasn’t abused in any physical way as a child. Even the emotional stuff was pretty minor (just a general lack of care as apposed to actively abusive) I’m curios to know if there is anyone else in the group with similar experience.
Not someone in the group as such, although she had been in asdis briefly very long ago at one point: Someone I know has it and doesn’t evince any knowledge of ab*se as such, either, and in fact we’ve discussed this and she’s quite certain that’s not what did it in her case. Her f*mily traveled overseas a lot, spent time in places like China where it took some time to learn the language and be understood and to learn their ways. From what she’s said, she spent an awful lot of time on her own, and as an only child, she was often quite on her own at those times. She seems to have developed permanent inner companions as an outgrowth of all that time alone. So, it seems like isolation can be a factor in and of itself, perhaps. One of the outgrowths of that in turn is she is also an artist, a solitary pursuit, and her Others don’t seem to be problematic in the way she lives as an adult. This means she has DI rather DID, I guess. :) Dunno if that helps. -babs — "Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair."
Response:
I’m curios to know if there is anyone else in the group with similar experience. Yes! Me! I was a wild child. Very Curious. When I discovered it, it had already been there for most of my life. Probably age 3 to 6. My parents fought a lot, but I really doubt those trauma theory claims. I’ll post a post called "different point of view", just to be more descriptive, and you may contact me privately if desired: v
I read "different point of view," but I guess I didn’t get the point you were trying to make. I am curios to know how you think your DID came about if you’d care to post. I’m not real comfortable with a private dialog right now though.
Response:
Hi, Rick. Welcome to asd.
Thanx, but actually I’m not new, just back. I was around for a bit (mostly lurking) about a year ago. It’s a sad fact that most of the people with DID *were* abused early and repeatedly. But you aren’t alone. I wasn’t subjected to abuse by my care givers either. Just as you say a general lack of care. (But that lack of care did set me up as an easy target for other childern who made my early life pretty miserable.) I guess comparatively you and I were blessed.
Most definately, that is one reason I was a bit hesitant to post this. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a "right" to be dissociative. If you care to talk about it, how do you think you developed DID for coping? -Luthe-
I can’t say how I developed DID. It was just there, and always has been for that matter. I do have an opinion on why I developed it though. As I said, I experienced a general lack of care as a child. This meant that I spent an awful lot of time with no one to communicate with, and I suspect that that lack of communication goes all the way back to non-verbal communication as an infant. My primary alters are playmates from childhood who were created out of a need for contact and are still hanging around. Additionally, I have always felt like no one understands me. I think this comes from a couple of things. First, I have a very high IQ and I had a hard time finding anyone to stimulate me intellectually. Most of the adults talked to me like I was a dumb kid who couldn’t understand things, and frankly most of the kids just weren’t up to thinking on the level I was looking for. Second, I was the only male in my house. I lived with three older sisters, my mother, and my grandmother. My father technically resided in the same house, but he was NEVER there that I can recall. I’m pretty sure he only came home to sleep (and not every night). All this was complicated by the fact that there were no boys around the neighborhood for me to play with. Up until I went to kindergarten (5yrs) I can’t recall having any male outside playmates. And third, my older sisters were very good at making me feel like an outsider. They frequently told me things like "we don’t need you around because we’ve already got four of us for the game (mom, and 3 sisters)," or, "it was so much easier around here before you came along… no boys to worry about." Then of course when they would allow me to play with them they’d tell me things like "you be the father, and you know what father’s do… they go to work and leave us alone." So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I believe I developed DID due to early childhood emotional neglect reinforced by what I perceived as ostracism through most of my childhood. Then, of course, I created more alters to serve other purposes (not nearly as useful) as an adolescent, because I had already learned to dissociate so well.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Someone I know has it and doesn’t evince any knowledge of ab*se as such, either, and in fact we’ve discussed this and she’s quite certain that’s not what did it in her case. Her f*mily traveled overseas a lot, spent time in places like China where it took some time to learn the language and be understood and to learn their ways. From what she’s said, she spent an awful lot of time on her own, and as an only child, she was often quite on her own at those times. She seems to have developed permanent inner companions as an outgrowth of all that time alone. So, it seems like isolation can be a factor in and of itself, perhaps. One of the outgrowths of that in turn is she is also an artist, a solitary pursuit, and her Others don’t seem to be problematic in the way she lives as an adult. This means she has DI rather DID, I guess. :) Dunno if that helps.
It helps a lot actually. My experience was very similar. I didn’t spend any time in a foreign land, but my home might just as well have been a foreign land. We all spoke English, but I don’t think I ever was understood, and I know I never managed to "learn their ways." If you still have contact with this person I would be very interested in talking to them. Also, thanx for the comment about DI instead of DID. That really fits cuz my insiders don’t cause problems. We have work very well together and don’t have any intention of ever being completely i’ed.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi all, I have been diagnosed with DID, but I’m almost positive that I wasn’t abused in any physical way as a child. Even the emotional stuff was pretty minor (just a general lack of care as apposed to actively abusive) I’m curios to know if there is anyone else in the group with similar experience. Hi Rick, As far as I know it’s certainly possible to be DID without abuse. It can be caused by other forms of trauma for sure. Something which might be important for you to consider is that some people believe ‘neglect’ and ‘betrayal’ to be more significant factors than abuse per se. Mick.
Hi Rick and Mick (hey, that rhymes!) I agree with Mick, yet I think it really depends on each person’s history what’s most significant. My experience is, that the earlier a trauma happens, the more devastating the aftereffects. And, an experience that certainly qualifies as trauma (an absolutely overwhelming experience that can’t be dealt with) for a newborn baby, would maybe not be a trauma for a 5-year-old. IMO it also depends on the basic needs children have in different stages of development. In my life… severe neglect after birth caused at least one split that remained permanent. Hoping this makes sense, Chiquitita — say you know you can turn me into the real thing (Tori Amos) — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Hi Rick, As far as I know it’s certainly possible to be DID without abuse. It can be caused by other forms of trauma for sure. Something which might be important for you to consider is that some people believe ‘neglect’ and ‘betrayal’ to be more significant factors than abuse per se. Mick.
Thanx, that fits.
Response:
I agree with Mick, yet I think it really depends on each person’s history what’s most significant. My experience is, that the earlier a trauma happens, the more devastating the aftereffects. And, an experience that certainly qualifies as trauma (an absolutely overwhelming experience that can’t be dealt with) for a newborn baby, would maybe not be a trauma for a 5-year-old. IMO it also depends on the basic needs children have in different stages of development. In my life… severe neglect after birth caused at least one split that remained permanent. Hoping this makes sense, Chiquitita
Makes great sense. In my particular situation I think I experienced a complete lack of emotional contact as an infant. It seems perfectly reasonable to assume that (as an infant) I felt thoroughly overwhelmed by the fact that I needed someone to love me and had no way to express that need or obtain that love.
Response:
I read "different point of view," but I guess I didn’t get the point you were trying to make. I am curios to know how you think your DID came about if you’d care to post. I’m not real comfortable with a private dialog right now though.
I beleive very firmly, that mine is a case of spiritual influence and spiritual "deceit". I do not accept the split-theory, in my instance. The fact is that I question the split-theory, period, in all instances. Don’t mean any insult, but that is just the way that I feel. Any deceitful spirit is going to just tell you what he wants you to believe, to get you to accept him. For instance; "we are created due to trauma", or "we are little children (innocent and harmless)" or "we are/were here to protect you". It’s totally "lies", to me, as the past has nothing to do with the present, and future. They can go right back where they came from, where ever that turns out to be. The medical literature defines such as mine, as DDNOS, which was my reason for forwarding the medical descriptive. Of coarse, my religious background originally asserted this, and I wont/dont move otherwise. I am a believer. You claim a high IQ. Are you still open-minded and scientific about the split-theory? Many pages I’ve read about MPD suggest that such patients may be highly suggestive(naive); suggestive to alter’s sway, that is. Here is another’s claim, similar to mine; that you might take a look at: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/7810 I’d be interested to know what you think of this web-book, above. Does it even get a "maybe" or a "possible"? Keep in mind that the christian literature asserts that all of mankind is being subjected to such MPD. He can take us at his will. mrs
Response:
Hi, Rick. First I want to paste in something you wrote to another asd-er: Also, thanx for the comment about DI instead of DID. That really fits cuz my insiders don’t cause problems. We have work very well together and don’t have any intention of ever being completely i’ed.
Except for the IQ part (I *can* tie my own shoelaces if you don’t rush me) you and I have much in common. My insiders don’t cause problems either. I have a hard time understanding asd-ers who do have problem causing alters. (that’s not a criticism, anyone, but an admission of a lack of empathy) I feel like you that the insiders are there for support. If they weren’t supportive I don’t know how I’d cope. I also give short shrift to the concept of the I-word. Hi, Rick. Welcome to asd. Thanx, but actually I’m not new, just back. I was around for a bit (mostly lurking) about a year ago.
Welcome back then. It’s a sad fact that most of the people with DID *were* abused early and repeatedly. But you aren’t alone. I wasn’t subjected to abuse by my care givers either. Just as you say a general lack of care. (But that lack of care did set me up as an easy target for other childern who made my early life pretty miserable.) I guess comparatively you and I were blessed. Most definately, that is one reason I was a bit hesitant to post this. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a "right" to be dissociative.
me too. If you care to talk about it, how do you think you developed DID for coping? -Luthe- I can’t say how I developed DID. It was just there, and always has been for that matter.
I thought it was something everyone did but nobody talked about. I learned different when I was in my early twenties. I do have an opinion on why I developed it though. As I said, I experienced a general lack of care as a child. This meant that I spent an awful lot of time with no one to communicate with, and I suspect that that lack of communication goes all the way back to non-verbal communication as an infant.
mee to. Also, for me, the world was *so* screwed up I think I simply had to make up a world that made sense. (I had no father, I had no mother…but I was told I had a family. I had no room, no ownership of *anything* but a bed in the corner of the basement…but I was told I had a home. I was at the mercy of anyone bigger than me that wanted to cause me grief…but I was told how lucky I was to have such a wonderful support structure. I was told how lucky I was to have all the things I had…and the only thing I had, except a place at the table and a bed in the basement, was the privacy to think what I would.) My primary alters are playmates from childhood who were created out of a need for contact and are still hanging around.
Understood. Mine mostly grew up out of my later teens, though. I had them earlier but in some ways they were more a part of me then. Except for George 
. (insider joke (if you’ll pardon the expression)) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Additionally, I have always felt like no one understands me. I think this comes from a couple of things. First, I have a very high IQ and I had a hard time finding anyone to stimulate me intellectually. Most of the adults talked to me like I was a dumb kid who couldn’t understand things, and frankly most of the kids just weren’t up to thinking on the level I was looking for. Second, I was the only male in my house. I lived with three older sisters, my mother, and my grandmother. My father technically resided in the same house, but he was NEVER there that I can recall. I’m pretty sure he only came home to sleep (and not every night). All this was complicated by the fact that there were no boys around the neighborhood for me to play with. Up until I went to kindergarten (5yrs) I can’t recall having any male outside playmates. And third, my older sisters were very good at making me feel like an outsider. They frequently told me things like "we don’t need you around because we’ve already got four of us for the game (mom, and 3 sisters)," or, "it was so much easier around here before you came along… no boys to worry about." Then of course when they would allow me to play with them they’d tell me things like "you be the father, and you know what father’s do… they go to work and leave us alone."
I don’t think anyone (in the RealWorld) *does* understand. I said I used to think everyone dissociated, but they just didn’t talk about it. When I found out that I knew of *no one* who dissociated (in my twenties) I really felt like a Stranger in a Strange Land. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I believe I developed DID due to early childhood emotional neglect reinforced by what I perceived as ostracism through most of my childhood. Then, of course, I created more alters to serve other purposes (not nearly as useful) as an adolescent, because I had already learned to dissociate so well.
Yeah, I get it 
Thanks for talking about it. -Luthe- — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
The medical literature defines such as mine, as DDNOS, which was my reason for forwarding the medical descriptive. Of coarse, my religious background originally asserted this, and I wont/dont move otherwise. I am a believer. You claim a high IQ. Are you still open-minded and scientific about the split-theory?
Having a high IQ doesn’t preclude open mindedness. Many pages I’ve read about MPD suggest that such patients may be highly suggestive(naive); suggestive to alter’s sway, that is. Here is another’s claim, similar to mine; that you might take a look at: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/7810 I’d be interested to know what you think of this web-book, above. Does it even get a "maybe" or a "possible"?
Sure it gets a maybe, but it doesn’t fit well with my views. (Not that I’m trying to assert in any way that my views are necessarily correct for anyone else). Keep in mind that the christian literature asserts that all of – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -mankind is being subjected to such MPD. He can take us at his will. mrs
Response:
Hi all, I have been diagnosed with DID, but I’m almost positive that I wasn’t abused in any physical way as a child. Even the emotional stuff was pretty minor (just a general lack of care as apposed to actively abusive) I’m curios to know if there is anyone else in the group with similar experience.
Hi — You may want to take a look at this quite extensive website, "OurPlace", which is by a person with DID that’s not caused by ab*se. I’ve spent quite a few hours there. See for yourself: http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/arael_et_al/ – Martijn — Martijn Dekker http://www.inlv.demon.nl/martijn/
Response:
Hi Rick, welcome to the group. I was ab*sed (by my br*ther) , but some of my insiders seem to come from just neglect and because I felt I had to look after a flakey m*m from when I was very little (and could never tell her about the ab*se cos I knew she wouldn’t handle it). My d*d was present in body only – some would say just a waste of space. Do you remember all your childhood? Or are there big gaps? I found I couldn’t remember much at all about my homelife as a kid. Remember everything about school though (it was safe there). From what I’ve read, people can split for all kinds of reasons – its just that ab*se is the most common. Hope this helps a little. Mark – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi all, I have been diagnosed with DID, but I’m almost positive that I wasn’t abused in any physical way as a child. Even the emotional stuff was pretty minor (just a general lack of care as apposed to actively abusive) I’m curios to know if there is anyone else in the group with similar experience.
Response:
I was ab*sed (by my br*ther) , but some of my insiders seem to come from just neglect and because I felt I had to look after a flakey m*m from when I was very little (and could never tell her about the ab*se cos I knew she wouldn’t handle it). My d*d was present in body only – some would say just a waste of space.
This sounds familiar. I always felt like I had to "take care of" my mom because she never seemed to have any life skills to speak of. Guess I’m glad most of that resposibility fell on one of my older sisters though. Do you remember all your childhood? Or are there big gaps?
I’m forever having singletons tell me that it’s normal to have holes in your memory. They just don’t understand how profound the emptiness is for us. They also don’t seem to understand what it’s like to have NO memory of an event no matter how many details someone fills in. I found I couldn’t remember much at all about my homelife as a kid. Remember everything about school though (it was safe there).
I don’t think I went to school much (although the attendance records indicate my body was there), but there is one memory I have that is really profound for me in hindsight. Just after Christmas break, my kindergarten teacher said to me "I don’t know who you are, but I’d like Ricky to come back. He was a much nicer boy." And you see, Ricky is my little playmate… my name has always been Rick. It’s too far back for me to remember for sure, but I think that is a big part of the reason Ricky went to school more than I did.
Response:
It’s nice to know someone else has had similar experiences. I’ve been really beginning to wonder if I was alone lately. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, Rick. First I want to paste in something you wrote to another asd-er: Also, thanx for the comment about DI instead of DID. That really fits cuz my insiders don’t cause problems. We have work very well together and don’t have any intention of ever being completely i’ed. Except for the IQ part (I *can* tie my own shoelaces if you don’t rush me) you and I have much in common. My insiders don’t cause problems either. I have a hard time understanding asd-ers who do have problem causing alters. (that’s not a criticism, anyone, but an admission of a lack of empathy) I feel like you that the insiders are there for support. If they weren’t supportive I don’t know how I’d cope. I also give short shrift to the concept of the I-word. Hi, Rick. Welcome to asd. Thanx, but actually I’m not new, just back. I was around for a bit (mostly lurking) about a year ago. Welcome back then. It’s a sad fact that most of the people with DID *were* abused early and repeatedly. But you aren’t alone. I wasn’t subjected to abuse by my care givers either. Just as you say a general lack of care. (But that lack of care did set me up as an easy target for other childern who made my early life pretty miserable.) I guess comparatively you and I were blessed. Most definately, that is one reason I was a bit hesitant to post this. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a "right" to be dissociative. me too. If you care to talk about it, how do you think you developed DID for coping? -Luthe- I can’t say how I developed DID. It was just there, and always has been for that matter. I thought it was something everyone did but nobody talked about. I learned different when I was in my early twenties. I do have an opinion on why I developed it though. As I said, I experienced a general lack of care as a child. This meant that I spent an awful lot of time with no one to communicate with, and I suspect that that lack of communication goes all the way back to non-verbal communication as an infant. mee to. Also, for me, the world was *so* screwed up I think I simply had to make up a world that made sense. (I had no father, I had no mother…but I was told I had a family. I had no room, no ownership of *anything* but a bed in the corner of the basement…but I was told I had a home. I was at the mercy of anyone bigger than me that wanted to cause me grief…but I was told how lucky I was to have such a wonderful support structure. I was told how lucky I was to have all the things I had…and the only thing I had, except a place at the table and a bed in the basement, was the privacy to think what I would.) My primary alters are playmates from childhood who were created out of a need for contact and are still hanging around. Understood. Mine mostly grew up out of my later teens, though. I had them earlier but in some ways they were more a part of me then. Except for George . (insider joke (if you’ll pardon the expression)) Additionally, I have always felt like no one understands me. I think this comes from a couple of things. First, I have a very high IQ and I had a hard time finding anyone to stimulate me intellectually. Most of the adults talked to me like I was a dumb kid who couldn’t understand things, and frankly most of the kids just weren’t up to thinking on the level I was looking for. Second, I was the only male in my house. I lived with three older sisters, my mother, and my grandmother. My father technically resided in the same house, but he was NEVER there that I can recall. I’m pretty sure he only came home to sleep (and not every night). All this was complicated by the fact that there were no boys around the neighborhood for me to play with. Up until I went to kindergarten (5yrs) I can’t recall having any male outside playmates. And third, my older sisters were very good at making me feel like an outsider. They frequently told me things like "we don’t need you around because we’ve already got four of us for the game (mom, and 3 sisters)," or, "it was so much easier around here before you came along… no boys to worry about." Then of course when they would allow me to play with them they’d tell me things like "you be the father, and you know what father’s do… they go to work and leave us alone." I don’t think anyone (in the RealWorld) *does* understand. I said I used to think everyone dissociated, but they just didn’t talk about it. When I found out that I knew of *no one* who dissociated (in my twenties) I really felt like a Stranger in a Strange Land. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I believe I developed DID due to early childhood emotional neglect reinforced by what I perceived as ostracism through most of my childhood. Then, of course, I created more alters to serve other purposes (not nearly as useful) as an adolescent, because I had already learned to dissociate so well. Yeah, I get it Thanks for talking about it. -Luthe- — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Thanx, I’ll have to go explore it when my phone rates are cheaper. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi all, I have been diagnosed with DID, but I’m almost positive that I wasn’t abused in any physical way as a child. Even the emotional stuff was pretty minor (just a general lack of care as apposed to actively abusive) I’m curios to know if there is anyone else in the group with similar experience. Hi — You may want to take a look at this quite extensive website, "OurPlace", which is by a person with DID that’s not caused by ab*se. I’ve spent quite a few hours there. See for yourself: http://ourworld.compuserve.com/homepages/arael_et_al/ – Martijn — Martijn Dekker http://www.inlv.demon.nl/martijn/
Response:
Hiya *waves everyone* I thought I’d delurk again. Hopefully I’ll stay delurked this time. I was ab*sed (by my br*ther) , but some of my insiders seem to come from just neglect and because I felt I had to look after a flakey m*m from when I was very little (and could never tell her about the ab*se cos I knew she wouldn’t handle it). My d*d was present in body only – some would say just a waste of space. This sounds familiar. I always felt like I had to "take care of" my mom because she never seemed to have any life skills to speak of. Guess I’m glad most of that resposibility fell on one of my older sisters though.
I’m glad I didn’t had to take care of my mum when I was a kid – that’s quite a responsibility for a child. But from an early age I had to take care of myself, because no one else was really doing it. Not an easy task either. Do you remember all your childhood? Or are there big gaps?
Hardly anything. Can’t really remember anything whatsoever before 16-17 something. if someone helps me along I can remember a few bits from the period between 12-16, but everything before that is a blank. Can’t actually remember much of what happened last year either… I’m forever having singletons tell me that it’s normal to have holes in your memory. They just don’t understand how profound the emptiness is for us. They also don’t seem to understand what it’s like to have NO memory of an event no matter how many details someone fills in.
Yup, it’s pretty empty… For me it feels like I lack identity sort of. Not sure how to describe it… My mum always gets sad when she talks about something that happened and I can’t for my life remember whatever she’s talking about. Well, I do have memories I suppose, but only memories of emotions not events – guess I’m glad about that, because the emotions and feelings connected to certain periods of my life are pretty awful, not something you’d want to relive. The one thing that can help me remember these emotions is music – when I hear a song or a piece of music that I listened to often at a certain time, I can access how I felt back then. Sometimes I geta flashback (not very often though). Lately, things have started to open up though – suddenly I can more easily access memories, sometimes I can remember things that happened. It’s weird, as if I’m squeezed into a new shape – everything inside is being reorganised and I’m not sure how or what’s happening. I found I couldn’t remember much at all about my homelife as a kid. Remember everything about school though (it was safe there). I don’t think I went to school much (although the attendance records indicate my body was there), but there is one memory I have that is really profound for me in hindsight. Just after Christmas break, my kindergarten teacher said to me "I don’t know who you are, but I’d like Ricky to come back. He was a much nicer boy." And you see, Ricky is my little playmate… my name has always been Rick. It’s too far back for me to remember for sure, but I think that is a big part of the reason Ricky went to school more than I did.
Marc — "Making it up?" Marvin said. "Why should I want to make anything up? Life is bad enough as it is, without inventing any more of it." -Marvin, the paranoid android
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi all, I have been diagnosed with DID, but I’m almost positive that I wasn’t abused in any physical way as a child. Even the emotional stuff was pretty minor (just a general lack of care as apposed to actively abusive) I’m curios to know if there is anyone else in the group with similar experience. Hi Rick, As far as I know it’s certainly possible to be DID without abuse. It can be caused by other forms of trauma for sure. Something which might be important for you to consider is that some people believe ‘neglect’ and ‘betrayal’ to be more significant factors than abuse per se. Mick.
There are some theories (I don’t have the book in front of me, as usual) that hold that there will be a certain number of DID cases that come about ”just because.” The ‘’stress disorder” part of PTSD, after all, can be present in people who don’t have particular trauma in their history. Indeed, like autism and schizophrenia, it may well be that some percentage of the population is going to be ”born that way.” The upside is that DID, however caused, is treatable or controllable; the other conditions much less so. a.
Response:
There are some theories (I don’t have the book in front of me, as usual) that hold that there will be a certain number of DID cases that come about ”just because.” The ‘’stress disorder” part of PTSD, after all, can be present in people who don’t have particular trauma in their history.
If you can find "the book" I’d be very interested. Everything I’ve seen always says something to the effect that almost all DID patients have suffered some early childhood trauma… but they never go on to discuss any cases that don’t fit in to almost all. Indeed, like autism and schizophrenia, it may well be that some percentage of the population is going to be ”born that way.” The upside is that DID, however caused, is treatable or controllable; the other conditions much less so. a.
I appreciate what you’re trying to say here, but I’m not sure I agree. While I most certainly wouldn’t wish to suffer the effects of a physical disorder such as autism or schizophrenia, I am almost envious in some ways. I wish someone could say that my dissociation is due to a physical problem instead of being all "in my head." It’s an ownership thing. I’m forced to recognize that I’m imperfect, and I’m not given a cause to blame it on.
Response:
Hiya *waves everyone* I thought I’d delurk again. Hopefully I’ll stay delurked this time.
This is a tough environment to stay out in sometimes. I’m glad I didn’t had to take care of my mum when I was a kid – that’s quite a responsibility for a child. But from an early age I had to take care of myself, because no one else was really doing it. Not an easy task either.
I can relate. My mom tells a story about how "grown up" I was as a kid. Apparently when I was 4 I had decided to make myself some fried eggs for lunch and I caught the stove on fire. According to mom I put the fire out, then went to the neighbors to get help and make sure I did everything right. She is so proud of that event, but I always think its kind of scary that she though it was okay for a 4 yr old to be home alone cooking eggs. Do you remember all your childhood? Or are there big gaps? Hardly anything. Can’t really remember anything whatsoever before 16-17 something. if someone helps me along I can remember a few bits from the period between 12-16, but everything before that is a blank. Can’t actually remember much of what happened last year either…
I’m forever having singletons tell me that it’s normal to have holes in your memory. They just don’t understand how profound the emptiness is for us. They also don’t seem to understand what it’s like to have NO memory of an event no matter how many details someone fills in. Yup, it’s pretty empty… For me it feels like I lack identity sort of. Not sure how to describe it…
No need, I’m sure most asders understand exactly what you meen. My mum always gets sad when she talks about something that happened and I can’t for my life remember whatever she’s talking about. Well, I do have memories I suppose, but only memories of emotions not events – guess I’m glad about that, because the emotions and feelings connected to certain periods of my life are pretty awful, not something you’d want to relive. The one thing that can help me remember these emotions is music – when I hear a song or a piece of music that I listened to often at a certain time, I can access how I felt back then. Sometimes I geta flashback (not very often though).
Yeah… music sometimes, but I for me the real serious trigger is usually smell. Lately, things have started to open up though – suddenly I can more easily access memories, sometimes I can remember things that happened. It’s weird, as if I’m squeezed into a new shape – everything inside is being reorganised and I’m not sure how or what’s happening.
How’d you get there? (if you don’t mind me asking)
Response:
Hi Rick (and a belated welcome), this is mare and I will reply to one of your comments below. Mind if a snip alittle? There are some theories (I don’t have the book in front of me, as usual) that hold that there will be a certain number of DID cases that come about ”just because.” The ‘’stress disorder” part of PTSD, after all, can be present in people who don’t have particular trauma in their history. I appreciate what you’re trying to say here, but I’m not sure I agree. While I most certainly wouldn’t wish to suffer the effects of a physical disorder such as autism or schizophrenia, I am almost envious in some ways. I wish someone could say that my dissociation is due to a physical problem instead of being all "in my head." It’s an ownership thing. I’m forced to recognize that I’m imperfect, and I’m not given a cause to blame it on.
well, I do not know about the biochemistry and brain "malfunctioning" of DID but have read a bit about PTSD. I would *guess* that a dx of DID would presume a dx of PTSD. AND, recent research suggests that the amygdala and hippocampus are both affected by trauma and show marked changes in PTSD group as compared to control. puhlease don’t ask me to reference all this…i am no longer in grad school…:-) you all could do a search right here on the web! anywho, thought this might offer some small amount of comfort to you, Rick. *I* believe what you are experiencing has a physiological basis. thanks for listening, mare
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