Question:
no wonder you’re fucked up, Alan!! — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I agree with the Landmark Education programs … my experience with them as been very good … only a few weekends and that’s it. Good classes, limited in scope, accurate. When they were the Forum there was some dysfunctional issues going on in the organization but that has been cleaned up enough for me to attend …. and they have kept making progress as far as I can discern. Still give them a hearty two thumbs up and say ‘check it out’ … learn about your winning formula and your con game. Makes money it does. Alan at thanks! I love writing, reading and research…. every now and then music gets on my nerves but that I can blame on Landmark Education…. during their mass brainwashing sessions, they would tell us that music is a That’s so completely not something they say. Maybe it’s something that someone said in your class about their experience with music. I’m fairly certain, from my knowlege and analysis of the program, that someone who works for Landmark (a forum leader, staff member, etc.) did *not* tell you to not listen to music. If they did, they’d probably be fired if the company found out. In fact, if you tell me who it is, I’d gladly report them.
Response:
What is landmark? Panther
Landmark Education has been around for some 30 years … it is an accredited education program that is privately run and funded by the students … lots of volunteers are there giving there time generously as the training is excellent. in a typical three day course … it is gradutate level psychology, spiritual exploration, genius searching, exploration of personality and life. some people are to sick to attend and they keep them out of the training as the information is so full of freedom and power and love. but you have to think … use your noggin while there … its graduate level stuff … real good stuff. i am very impressed with them and their focus – money well spent – about 300 dollars I recall … including food. sumbuddie on da watchtower 
Response:
fuck you alan.. — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – let me get this straight slykitten … your daddy fucked you on the night grannie died and Landmark destroyed the relationship you had with daddy and mommie of course. did anyone ever suggest that you have a malignant multipersonality disorder… since I have to take it that you are telling the truth as you know it … i dont doubt your truth -just what you know is in question … i ruminate and pause that you are one fucked up bitch … with daddy fucking you up of course … on gannies dead day and then Landmark Education ruining it even more. sumbuddie on da watchtower since you seem to be on Landmark’s side, by all means, join the many trolls in my killfile. I hate landmark, they tried to ruin my family and they destroyed a relationship I had with my parents. you can take your precious Landmark cult and shove it! Boy did that feel good!
Response:
paid for it, it’s a white collar cult that forces it’s "students" to sit in eating in the auditorium, they break for 15 minutes around noon or one (depending on the leader) They break for 1 hour for dinner around 6 and FOOD their "students" to meet loved ones for dinner and they make their "students" eat in groups!! fuck that! Landmark is a CULT!!! They are INHUMANE!!!! they use Psychological terrorism and warfare to control a room full of people!!!!! and if it’s not Brainwashing, how the hell do you account for 116 people getting the same kind of headache at the same if you’ve taken the Landmark Forum and failed to get away from them at an early point, then now I know why you’re messed up!! They make a person feel guilty if they want to do something for themselves…. they use things like ‘oh, you’re not in your integrity" or "that’s just your story, an excuse you’ve made all your life" or "it’s just a racket, get into the present and be your word." dude, you have no idea what damage those fucks have done to my family!!!!!! they knock a person down, they brainwash them, they use guilt tactics…. no man, I’d rather remarry my ex than EVER go through families and the forum….. they make people choose their friends carefully and if Landmark doesn’t approve then the person is falling into their "racket" and rehashing their "story" and need to "come to the present" to find their "integrity" so they can enjoy all the "possibilities" in their lives. Generally, people in Landmark dump old friends and are only allowed to have friends who are in landmark or associated with Landmark!!! Don’t be fooled! http://www.cultsoncampus.com/landmark.html http://www.rickross.com/groups/landmark.html http://www.caic.org.au/zforum.htm http://www.ktruitt.com/cults/landmarkgoodandbad.htm read these testimonials: http://www.rickross.com/reference/landmark/landmark52.html http://www.rickross.com/reference/landmark/landmark55.html http://www.rickross.com/reference/landmark/landmark76.html http://www.rickross.com/reference/landmark/landmark80.html http://www.rickross.com/reference/landmark/landmark44.html I could go on and on….. I have a sick kid so I won’t but dammit, Don’t get swept into what Alan and this other joker are saying…. Landmark relies on abuse and pressure and mind games and emotional terrorism to get its point across! when I first came to AAR, I’d just finished the Landmark Forum…. December 20, 1999, I miscarried and had the forum leader tell me that my loss didn’t mean shit…. January 2000, I had someone on Landmark’s staff tell me I had to make a choice, to be present to my volunteer work or to keep running from my destiny by being with my boyfriend who’s not willing to be "extraordinary" and who’s trying to convince me that Landmark was a bad thing and that I should leave my kids with him, no matter how sick they are so I can remain in my "integrity"…. this is BULLSHIT! they were trying to force me to choose between my kids and them!!! they lost! I’d receive harassing and abusive phone calls from that cult….. I changed my number 3 times because they wouldn’t stop!!! I finally cut off ties with my brothers and my parents because THEY gave my numbers to Landmark…. they were in so deep I doubted at the time they’d ever be able to get out! The dammage seems irreversible! My younger brother doesn’t talk to me, my uncle doesn’t talk to me (in fact, his daughter got involved in a bad crowd because her dad neglected her and her brother so he could become a forum leader!!!!) and my parents…. well, we’ve had terrible problems since Landmark! why? cuz they use the Landmark Lingo when they talk to me and it makes me sick and mad! <stepping off soapbox now I could go on about this but I won’t…. like I said, my baby is sick so I gotta tend to her…. but please Panther…. don’t be suckered into any "rave reviews" to this landmark BS…. it’s very elaborately played out abuse. — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – What is landmark? Panther Landmark Education has been around for some 30 years … it is an accredited education program that is privately run and funded by the students … lots of volunteers are there giving there time generously as the training is excellent. in a typical three day course … it is gradutate level psychology, spiritual exploration, genius searching, exploration of personality and life. some people are to sick to attend and they keep them out of the training as the information is so full of freedom and power and love. but you have to think … use your noggin while there … its graduate level stuff … real good stuff. i am very impressed with them and their focus – money well spent – about 300 dollars I recall … including food. sumbuddie on da watchtower
Response:
let me get this straight slykitten … your daddy fucked you on the night grannie died and Landmark destroyed the relationship you had with daddy and mommie of course. did anyone ever suggest that you have a malignant multipersonality disorder… since I have to take it that you are telling the truth as you know it … i dont doubt your truth -just what you know is in question … i ruminate and pause that you are one fucked up bitch … with daddy fucking you up of course … on gannies dead day and then Landmark Education ruining it even more. sumbuddie on da watchtower – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – since you seem to be on Landmark’s side, by all means, join the many trolls in my killfile. I hate landmark, they tried to ruin my family and they destroyed a relationship I had with my parents. you can take your precious Landmark cult and shove it! Boy did that feel good!
Response:
I agree with the Landmark Education programs … my experience with them as been very good … only a few weekends and that’s it. Good classes, limited in scope, accurate. When they were the Forum there was some dysfunctional issues going on in the organization but that has been cleaned up enough for me to attend …. and they have kept making progress as far as I can discern. Still give them a hearty two thumbs up and say ‘check it out’ … learn about your winning formula and your con game. Makes money it does. Alan – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – thanks! I love writing, reading and research…. every now and then music gets on my nerves but that I can blame on Landmark Education…. during their mass brainwashing sessions, they would tell us that music is a That’s so completely not something they say. Maybe it’s something that someone said in your class about their experience with music. I’m fairly certain, from my knowlege and analysis of the program, that someone who works for Landmark (a forum leader, staff member, etc.) did *not* tell you to not listen to music. If they did, they’d probably be fired if the company found out. In fact, if you tell me who it is, I’d gladly report them.
Response:
errr… nope…. my dad assaulted me on the night of my maternal grandma’s funeral. I hated my paternal grandmother…. she was mean, nasty, bitter, angry and vulgar!
please remember that your daddy is a sick man, and the paternal mommie is mean, nasty, bitter, angry and vulgar just like the dadddy is when he assulted you … so you see that part of the disease flavor going down the generations. everyonce in a while that flavor comes out with what you have going on with me … i ignore it and only bring it up here as part of the fact pattern. when your daddy saw your maternal mommie died … it was a stress event that burdened even more the ptsd issues he had, he fragmented about his own mortality and needed a drug … it was sex, trying to find life and doing in the next generation … in a sick way. since he was sex abused himself in his own childhood, maybe got buggered by a catholic preast in the rectory … if you know what i mean vern. anyhow … in ancient chinese medicine … they say there is an evil spirit that inhabits a childmolester … who was molested themselves and the evil spirit seeks to jump bodies and generations … there is an accupuncture point about 2 inches under the right nipple called "Bury Dead Spirits" … it is used for such conditions … and a few needles this problem goes pop. Its a simple process that is hard to do as it hurts like hell. Go nopers all you want slykitten … one of these days you will figure it out. The learning curve is a little flat at first but it picks up after a few years. sumbuddie on da watchtower
Response:
What is landmark? Panther
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – since you seem to be on Landmark’s side, by all means, join the many trolls in my killfile. I hate landmark, they tried to ruin my family and they destroyed a relationship I had with my parents. you can take your precious Landmark cult and shove it! Boy did that feel good! — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery thanks! I love writing, reading and research…. every now and then music gets on my nerves but that I can blame on Landmark Education…. during their mass brainwashing sessions, they would tell us that music is a That’s so completely not something they say. Maybe it’s something that someone said in your class about their experience with music. I’m fairly certain, from my knowlege and analysis of the program, that someone who works for Landmark (a forum leader, staff member, etc.) did *not* tell you to not listen to music. If they did, they’d probably be fired if the company found out. In fact, if you tell me who it is, I’d gladly report them.
Response:
thanks! I love writing, reading and research…. every now and then music gets on my nerves but that I can blame on Landmark Education…. during their mass brainwashing sessions, they would tell us that music is a distraction and causes our minds to be chaotic and if we just turned off the radio when we drive, we’d be amazed at all the other things that would come to mind. Every now and then I simply cannot let my radio play and I need complete silence…. unfortunately, that silence can be something of a void too.
I have to be in the mood to listen to music. Also I don’t like the tv playing in the background unless I’m watching it. I remember hearing that when ppl do that it’s because they do not feel comfortable being alone with themselves. My silences are never a void!! Or rarely ever. I could do that with handspinning though. My shrink asked me how I manage my stress and moods without meds…. my response was "that’s what the gym is for and that’s why I’m here talking to you."
I envy you with the gym stuff. During early recovery physical things were a big trigger. They still can be at times. I finally found a few physical things I do like and enjoy as relaxing. horseback riding, ice skating. Does fishing count??? And I need to start xcountry skiing (as soon as the temp gets to a reasonable -10C). I also enjoy working on the land, particularly proning the brush/trees. we’re gonna do some scheduling of appointments for every other week and then hopefully stretch it back out to once a month. damned insurance copays have tripled! I may just reapply for medicaid, if for no one else than at least my kids…. I’d rather go without than have my kids go without. One thing I told the counselor was that I wish that when I was a kid and my mom took me on that drive to the hospital that she did lock me up. I’d rather hate her for a while for having me admitted for emotional problems when I was young than to hate her now for not caring enough to have me admitted to protect me from myself and my father. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so screwed up in childhood and adolescence which has bled into adulthood. to me, my mother comitted the ultimate sin…. she failed to protect her children.
Mother issues are a biggie. Just when we think we’ve gotten a handle on our abuser issues….in walks the MOTHER issues <G Panther – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery humor comes in many forms. A few of us here tend toward black humor and/or dry sense of humor. I tend to have a rather dry sense of humor which I often forget to put smilies or indication when I’m using it. I tend to think the ironies of life in a humorous vein. Hummmmmmm, uptight Yeah that can take a lot out of a person. Most of my life I did not know what the word "calm" meant. To me high energy was "normal". About 7 years ago I finally learned what a sense of calm meant. Don’t knock disappearing into computer games, research, music, writing, studies etc as a necessarily "bad" thing. We used a lot of defense mechanisms to our advantage for years, and that is why we survived. There is no hard and fast rule that says that you suddenly have to give up those tools. There are times in recovery that we may still need to use them so as not to overwhelm ourselves. Certainly things done in moderation is better than overkill but still honor that these things were creative ways to cope. Bottom line is to respect that you were/are creative and build from there! Best, Panther I don’t really use humor per se…. my sense of humor is rather dark and dry…. or I simply don’t have one. I tend to be too serious. I’m also really rather uptight…. high strung and just in general unable to really cope with most of the realities right now but rather prefer to not cope and disappear either into computer games, research, reading, music or my writing. — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery Hi slykitten, holy hell…. I gots lotsa work to do! went for therapy today…. talked about my stupid choice to talk to my father (same sanctimonious prick who assaulted me the night of my grandma’s funeral!) on Christmas eve…. don’t ask… I had a momentary lapse of brainpower there! ok I won’t ask I’ve been wondering why I feel so damned angry…. most of my life, I’ve been angry…. and here I’ve been fearing that something is terribly wrong with me because I haven’t yet shed any tears for the bunny I had to put to sleep back in March 2003, when my cousin died unexpectedly a week later and then in April 2003 when my grandma died. Anger hides the emotions we are not ready or can’t deal with. It’s like the bandaid over an unhealed wound. so anyhoo… my shrink and I talked about my family life and the oh-so-loving environment I grew up in…. I hate remembering shit…. makes me mad that I had to go into the file cabinets of my brain to pull that crap back out into the open. She’s still not positive as to what it is that’s making me tick or even if she can diagnose anything other than PTSD and depression. So we’re still at square one but with a little more info…. something more for her to work with. I’m curious if you also used humor in your arsenal of weapons dealing with the hurts from a dysfunctional family? I recall my therp tellling me that I use my anger appropriately and my humor also saved me. It can be a powerful combination. In fact, today I was enlightened that my childhood upbringing and the way I was conditioned and programmed as a kid taught me that anger is the only truly acceptable emotion. it’s what keeps me safe….. sane even…. and that’s why I haven’t been able to grieve. Grieving has always been low on my list of priority emotions <G Extremely difficult to do. First off I think it requires a bit of acceptance and our life and lack of love and nurturing that came into our lives is very hard to accept 
well hot damn! guess I just chisled a tiny shard of ice off of the damned iceburg! not that it has made much difference but now we kinda know how I was conditioned and programmed…. now to hit the recovery button…. Congratulations Chipping away is the only way to go! If we lobbed off a huge chunk of the iceberg and defrosted it immediately, we may get flooded. Drowning is not an option we want to do at this point I’m just afraid that it’s gonna take me the next 28 years to undo what my parents have done to me! Hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day but I’ll bet you build yourself back in much less time than 28 years Kudos! Best, Panther — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Response:
since you seem to be on Landmark’s side, by all means, join the many trolls in my killfile. I hate landmark, they tried to ruin my family and they destroyed a relationship I had with my parents. you can take your precious Landmark cult and shove it! Boy did that feel good! — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – thanks! I love writing, reading and research…. every now and then music gets on my nerves but that I can blame on Landmark Education…. during their mass brainwashing sessions, they would tell us that music is a That’s so completely not something they say. Maybe it’s something that someone said in your class about their experience with music. I’m fairly certain, from my knowlege and analysis of the program, that someone who works for Landmark (a forum leader, staff member, etc.) did *not* tell you to not listen to music. If they did, they’d probably be fired if the company found out. In fact, if you tell me who it is, I’d gladly report them.
Response:
We have all been there, but thank you Kaitlyn, I thought I was the only one with a psycho mum. — Regards Lee ~~ No one is compelled to serve great causes, unless he feels fit for it. Sir Winston Churchill
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – X-No-Archive: Yes Or maybe smiling is a way of avoiding a beating, my mother used to beat me for showing emotion, I was not allowed to cry if I was hurt, I was not allowed to show anger. I was not allowed to be sad. Each emotion that she disapproved of was treated with a hit, a punch or a kick. The only thing I was allowed was to smile, but of course only when it was appropriate. I learned to hide every other emotion and when telling other people of my pain, I tend to laugh, rather than cry about it. I was only allowed to cry *if* I was hurt, which means hurt, but *not* by their hands, and being hurt *inside* was not allowed. So with a small childs mind I use to bite, cut or pinch, myself so if asked "why are you crying?" I’d have a good reason. Needless to say their answer was always "Well stop doing that!" BTW welcome to the group Lee Kaitlyn No not even then, my mother was the mistress of pain. If I hurt myself (like falling over and skinning a knee) and I cried, I would be asked. "what the f*** are you snivelling for? If you want to cry, well heres something to cry for!!" which was usually followed by a slap in the face. I learned not to cry or reveal my pain from a very early age. Thankyou for the welcome. I’d get that "I’ll give you something to cry about" too, but only if I couldn’t prove a good reason to cry. I’m sorry this happened to you Lee. I understand believe me! — For more information about this NNTP posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi
Response:
thanks! I love writing, reading and research…. every now and then music gets on my nerves but that I can blame on Landmark Education…. during their mass brainwashing sessions, they would tell us that music is a
That’s so completely not something they say. Maybe it’s something that someone said in your class about their experience with music. I’m fairly certain, from my knowlege and analysis of the program, that someone who works for Landmark (a forum leader, staff member, etc.) did *not* tell you to not listen to music. If they did, they’d probably be fired if the company found out. In fact, if you tell me who it is, I’d gladly report them.
Response:
errr… nope…. my dad assaulted me on the night of my maternal grandma’s funeral. I hated my paternal grandmother…. she was mean, nasty, bitter, angry and vulgar! — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m just afraid that it’s gonna take me the next 28 years to undo what my parents have done to me! nawww … it will only take 2 years … if you get into the applied psychophysiology interventions like traditional 5 element accupuncture, biofeedback and rosenberg/rand integrative body psychotherapy. mindtalk is usefull but it only goes so far … talking about shit and not turning it into fertalizer for your own growth is just digging in shit … for lots of money that don’t go anywhere as it don’t get to the heart of the matter. if you want it to take 28 years … then chances are it will take exactly that long. as you speak so shall you become. oh … your daddy assaulted you on christmas when his mommie died cause he was assaulted as a child in his own sex abuse vectors and the beat goes on. good thing you get to stop it from going down the generations -once you do the work of recovery … if not .. then the disease will go down to your children and grandchildren. get the tears out and all will be well. go as Panther … she knows something about this. sumbuddie deux amor
Response:
I’m just afraid that it’s gonna take me the next 28 years to undo what my parents have done to me!
nawww … it will only take 2 years … if you get into the applied psychophysiology interventions like traditional 5 element accupuncture, biofeedback and rosenberg/rand integrative body psychotherapy. mindtalk is usefull but it only goes so far … talking about shit and not turning it into fertalizer for your own growth is just digging in shit … for lots of money that don’t go anywhere as it don’t get to the heart of the matter. if you want it to take 28 years … then chances are it will take exactly that long. as you speak so shall you become. oh … your daddy assaulted you on christmas when his mommie died cause he was assaulted as a child in his own sex abuse vectors and the beat goes on. good thing you get to stop it from going down the generations -once you do the work of recovery … if not .. then the disease will go down to your children and grandchildren. get the tears out and all will be well. go as Panther … she knows something about this. sumbuddie deux amor
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – X-No-Archive: Yes Or maybe smiling is a way of avoiding a beating, my mother used to beat me for showing emotion, I was not allowed to cry if I was hurt, I was not allowed to show anger. I was not allowed to be sad. Each emotion that she disapproved of was treated with a hit, a punch or a kick. The only thing I was allowed was to smile, but of course only when it was appropriate. I learned to hide every other emotion and when telling other people of my pain, I tend to laugh, rather than cry about it. I was only allowed to cry *if* I was hurt, which means hurt, but *not* by their hands, and being hurt *inside* was not allowed. So with a small childs mind I use to bite, cut or pinch, myself so if asked "why are you crying?" I’d have a good reason. Needless to say their answer was always "Well stop doing that!" BTW welcome to the group Lee Kaitlyn
No not even then, my mother was the mistress of pain. If I hurt myself (like falling over and skinning a knee) and I cried, I would be asked. "what the f*** are you snivelling for? If you want to cry, well heres something to cry for!!" which was usually followed by a slap in the face. I learned not to cry or reveal my pain from a very early age. Thankyou for the welcome. — Regards Lee ~~ No one is compelled to serve great causes, unless he feels fit for it. Sir Winston Churchill
Response:
thanks! I love writing, reading and research…. every now and then music gets on my nerves but that I can blame on Landmark Education…. during their mass brainwashing sessions, they would tell us that music is a distraction and causes our minds to be chaotic and if we just turned off the radio when we drive, we’d be amazed at all the other things that would come to mind. Every now and then I simply cannot let my radio play and I need complete silence…. unfortunately, that silence can be something of a void too. My shrink asked me how I manage my stress and moods without meds…. my response was "that’s what the gym is for and that’s why I’m here talking to you." we’re gonna do some scheduling of appointments for every other week and then hopefully stretch it back out to once a month. damned insurance copays have tripled! I may just reapply for medicaid, if for no one else than at least my kids…. I’d rather go without than have my kids go without. One thing I told the counselor was that I wish that when I was a kid and my mom took me on that drive to the hospital that she did lock me up. I’d rather hate her for a while for having me admitted for emotional problems when I was young than to hate her now for not caring enough to have me admitted to protect me from myself and my father. Maybe I wouldn’t have been so screwed up in childhood and adolescence which has bled into adulthood. to me, my mother comitted the ultimate sin…. she failed to protect her children. — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – humor comes in many forms. A few of us here tend toward black humor and/or dry sense of humor. I tend to have a rather dry sense of humor which I often forget to put smilies or indication when I’m using it. I tend to think the ironies of life in a humorous vein. Hummmmmmm, uptight Yeah that can take a lot out of a person. Most of my life I did not know what the word "calm" meant. To me high energy was "normal". About 7 years ago I finally learned what a sense of calm meant. Don’t knock disappearing into computer games, research, music, writing, studies etc as a necessarily "bad" thing. We used a lot of defense mechanisms to our advantage for years, and that is why we survived. There is no hard and fast rule that says that you suddenly have to give up those tools. There are times in recovery that we may still need to use them so as not to overwhelm ourselves. Certainly things done in moderation is better than overkill but still honor that these things were creative ways to cope. Bottom line is to respect that you were/are creative and build from there! Best, Panther I don’t really use humor per se…. my sense of humor is rather dark and dry…. or I simply don’t have one. I tend to be too serious. I’m also really rather uptight…. high strung and just in general unable to really cope with most of the realities right now but rather prefer to not cope and disappear either into computer games, research, reading, music or my writing. — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery Hi slykitten, holy hell…. I gots lotsa work to do! went for therapy today…. talked about my stupid choice to talk to my father (same sanctimonious prick who assaulted me the night of my grandma’s funeral!) on Christmas eve…. don’t ask… I had a momentary lapse of brainpower there! ok I won’t ask I’ve been wondering why I feel so damned angry…. most of my life, I’ve been angry…. and here I’ve been fearing that something is terribly wrong with me because I haven’t yet shed any tears for the bunny I had to put to sleep back in March 2003, when my cousin died unexpectedly a week later and then in April 2003 when my grandma died. Anger hides the emotions we are not ready or can’t deal with. It’s like the bandaid over an unhealed wound. so anyhoo… my shrink and I talked about my family life and the oh-so-loving environment I grew up in…. I hate remembering shit…. makes me mad that I had to go into the file cabinets of my brain to pull that crap back out into the open. She’s still not positive as to what it is that’s making me tick or even if she can diagnose anything other than PTSD and depression. So we’re still at square one but with a little more info…. something more for her to work with. I’m curious if you also used humor in your arsenal of weapons dealing with the hurts from a dysfunctional family? I recall my therp tellling me that I use my anger appropriately and my humor also saved me. It can be a powerful combination. In fact, today I was enlightened that my childhood upbringing and the way I was conditioned and programmed as a kid taught me that anger is the only truly acceptable emotion. it’s what keeps me safe….. sane even…. and that’s why I haven’t been able to grieve. Grieving has always been low on my list of priority emotions <G Extremely difficult to do. First off I think it requires a bit of acceptance and our life and lack of love and nurturing that came into our lives is very hard to accept well hot damn! guess I just chisled a tiny shard of ice off of the damned iceburg! not that it has made much difference but now we kinda know how I was conditioned and programmed…. now to hit the recovery button…. Congratulations Chipping away is the only way to go! If we lobbed off a huge chunk of the iceberg and defrosted it immediately, we may get flooded. Drowning is not an option we want to do at this point I’m just afraid that it’s gonna take me the next 28 years to undo what my parents have done to me! Hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day but I’ll bet you build yourself back in much less time than 28 years Kudos! Best, Panther — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Response:
humor comes in many forms. A few of us here tend toward black humor and/or dry sense of humor. I tend to have a rather dry sense of humor which I often forget to put smilies or indication when I’m using it. I tend to think the ironies of life in a humorous vein. Hummmmmmm, uptight Yeah that can take a lot out of a person. Most of my life I did not know what the word "calm" meant. To me high energy was "normal". About 7 years ago I finally learned what a sense of calm meant. Don’t knock disappearing into computer games, research, music, writing, studies etc as a necessarily "bad" thing. We used a lot of defense mechanisms to our advantage for years, and that is why we survived. There is no hard and fast rule that says that you suddenly have to give up those tools. There are times in recovery that we may still need to use them so as not to overwhelm ourselves. Certainly things done in moderation is better than overkill but still honor that these things were creative ways to cope. Bottom line is to respect that you were/are creative and build from there! Best, Panther
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I don’t really use humor per se…. my sense of humor is rather dark and dry…. or I simply don’t have one. I tend to be too serious. I’m also really rather uptight…. high strung and just in general unable to really cope with most of the realities right now but rather prefer to not cope and disappear either into computer games, research, reading, music or my writing. — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery Hi slykitten, holy hell…. I gots lotsa work to do! went for therapy today…. talked about my stupid choice to talk to my father (same sanctimonious prick who assaulted me the night of my grandma’s funeral!) on Christmas eve…. don’t ask… I had a momentary lapse of brainpower there! ok I won’t ask I’ve been wondering why I feel so damned angry…. most of my life, I’ve been angry…. and here I’ve been fearing that something is terribly wrong with me because I haven’t yet shed any tears for the bunny I had to put to sleep back in March 2003, when my cousin died unexpectedly a week later and then in April 2003 when my grandma died. Anger hides the emotions we are not ready or can’t deal with. It’s like the bandaid over an unhealed wound. so anyhoo… my shrink and I talked about my family life and the oh-so-loving environment I grew up in…. I hate remembering shit…. makes me mad that I had to go into the file cabinets of my brain to pull that crap back out into the open. She’s still not positive as to what it is that’s making me tick or even if she can diagnose anything other than PTSD and depression. So we’re still at square one but with a little more info…. something more for her to work with. I’m curious if you also used humor in your arsenal of weapons dealing with the hurts from a dysfunctional family? I recall my therp tellling me that I use my anger appropriately and my humor also saved me. It can be a powerful combination. In fact, today I was enlightened that my childhood upbringing and the way I was conditioned and programmed as a kid taught me that anger is the only truly acceptable emotion. it’s what keeps me safe….. sane even…. and that’s why I haven’t been able to grieve. Grieving has always been low on my list of priority emotions <G Extremely difficult to do. First off I think it requires a bit of acceptance and our life and lack of love and nurturing that came into our lives is very hard to accept well hot damn! guess I just chisled a tiny shard of ice off of the damned iceburg! not that it has made much difference but now we kinda know how I was conditioned and programmed…. now to hit the recovery button…. Congratulations Chipping away is the only way to go! If we lobbed off a huge chunk of the iceberg and defrosted it immediately, we may get flooded. Drowning is not an option we want to do at this point I’m just afraid that it’s gonna take me the next 28 years to undo what my parents have done to me! Hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day but I’ll bet you build yourself back in much less time than 28 years Kudos! Best, Panther — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Response:
I rarely smile about much…. but when I talk to my shrink about the abuse and stuff, I find that my tone goes low and is monotone. she even told me that I get this odd look in my eyes…. like everything goes vacant. — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – X-No-Archive: Yes I’m curious if you also used humor in your arsenal of weapons dealing with the hurts from a dysfunctional family? I recall my therp tellling me that I use my anger appropriately and my humor also saved me. It can be a powerful combination. I remember my therapist asking me if I realized I was smiling when I told her a horrific memory. She said it’s what we *survivors* do. Hide behind either the anger or the humor. — For more information about this NNTP posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi
Response:
When I’d cry, my dad would just beat me harder. so I learned how to "get mad" instead of being a "wimp" and now, I don’t show much emotion. anger is my primary. happiness seems like a distant fantasy that only happens to other people or in fairy tales. I need to learn how to grieve as I’ve had far too many losses in the last 10 years and I refuse to allow myself to feel. I was responding to someone’s e mail, sharing my experience of when my grandma was sick with cancer and even when she died…. I still haven’t cried and while I was sharing that, I began feeling like something inside was snapping so quickly I got away from the computer, took a few deep breaths, regained composure and went back as if nothing ever happened. I’m afraid of the day when I do snap…. I have too much emotional baggage that’s weighing me down. This is why I’m pushing myself in therapy! I’m afraid of what will happen when I finally do break down…. when that day comes (and it is only a question of "when" not "if" at this point) I don’t want anyone to be around me to see it. if all the ugliness inside comes spilling out, I don’t want anyone to see it…. I’d rather spare my loved ones of that kind of pain. They shouldn’t have to see me like that. When I say "loved ones" I mean my bf and my kids. — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – X-No-Archive: Yes I’m curious if you also used humor in your arsenal of weapons dealing with the hurts from a dysfunctional family? I recall my therp tellling me that I use my anger appropriately and my humor also saved me. It can be a powerful combination. I remember my therapist asking me if I realized I was smiling when I told her a horrific memory. She said it’s what we *survivors* do. Hide behind either the anger or the humor. I think it’s more than a smile though. I see smiles in situations like that as nervousness. I’m thinking more when we reply with a smile and make a humorous comment about it. I suspect ppl who were not abused gasp at the thought of even our implication whereas we tend to minimize the impact with a humorous (but perhaps pointed) reply? — For more information about this NNTP posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi Or maybe smiling is a way of avoiding a beating, my mother used to beat me for showing emotion, I was not allowed to cry if I was hurt, I was not allowed to show anger. I was not allowed to be sad. Each emotion that she disapproved of was treated with a hit, a punch or a kick. The only thing I was allowed was to smile, but of course only when it was appropriate. I learned to hide every other emotion and when telling other people of my pain, I tend to laugh, rather than cry about it. — Regards Lee ~~ No one is compelled to serve great causes, unless he feels fit for it. Sir Winston Churchill
Response:
I don’t really use humor per se…. my sense of humor is rather dark and dry…. or I simply don’t have one. I tend to be too serious. I’m also really rather uptight…. high strung and just in general unable to really cope with most of the realities right now but rather prefer to not cope and disappear either into computer games, research, reading, music or my writing. — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi slykitten, holy hell…. I gots lotsa work to do! went for therapy today…. talked about my stupid choice to talk to my father (same sanctimonious prick who assaulted me the night of my grandma’s funeral!) on Christmas eve…. don’t ask… I had a momentary lapse of brainpower there! ok I won’t ask I’ve been wondering why I feel so damned angry…. most of my life, I’ve been angry…. and here I’ve been fearing that something is terribly wrong with me because I haven’t yet shed any tears for the bunny I had to put to sleep back in March 2003, when my cousin died unexpectedly a week later and then in April 2003 when my grandma died. Anger hides the emotions we are not ready or can’t deal with. It’s like the bandaid over an unhealed wound. so anyhoo… my shrink and I talked about my family life and the oh-so-loving environment I grew up in…. I hate remembering shit…. makes me mad that I had to go into the file cabinets of my brain to pull that crap back out into the open. She’s still not positive as to what it is that’s making me tick or even if she can diagnose anything other than PTSD and depression. So we’re still at square one but with a little more info…. something more for her to work with. I’m curious if you also used humor in your arsenal of weapons dealing with the hurts from a dysfunctional family? I recall my therp tellling me that I use my anger appropriately and my humor also saved me. It can be a powerful combination. In fact, today I was enlightened that my childhood upbringing and the way I was conditioned and programmed as a kid taught me that anger is the only truly acceptable emotion. it’s what keeps me safe….. sane even…. and that’s why I haven’t been able to grieve. Grieving has always been low on my list of priority emotions <G Extremely difficult to do. First off I think it requires a bit of acceptance and our life and lack of love and nurturing that came into our lives is very hard to accept well hot damn! guess I just chisled a tiny shard of ice off of the damned iceburg! not that it has made much difference but now we kinda know how I was conditioned and programmed…. now to hit the recovery button…. Congratulations Chipping away is the only way to go! If we lobbed off a huge chunk of the iceberg and defrosted it immediately, we may get flooded. Drowning is not an option we want to do at this point I’m just afraid that it’s gonna take me the next 28 years to undo what my parents have done to me! Hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day but I’ll bet you build yourself back in much less time than 28 years Kudos! Best, Panther — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – X-No-Archive: Yes I’m curious if you also used humor in your arsenal of weapons dealing with the hurts from a dysfunctional family? I recall my therp tellling me that I use my anger appropriately and my humor also saved me. It can be a powerful combination. I remember my therapist asking me if I realized I was smiling when I told her a horrific memory. She said it’s what we *survivors* do. Hide behind either the anger or the humor. I think it’s more than a smile though. I see smiles in situations like that as nervousness. I’m thinking more when we reply with a smile and make a humorous comment about it. I suspect ppl who were not abused gasp at the thought of even our implication whereas we tend to minimize the impact with a humorous (but perhaps pointed) reply? — For more information about this NNTP posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi
Or maybe smiling is a way of avoiding a beating, my mother used to beat me for showing emotion, I was not allowed to cry if I was hurt, I was not allowed to show anger. I was not allowed to be sad. Each emotion that she disapproved of was treated with a hit, a punch or a kick. The only thing I was allowed was to smile, but of course only when it was appropriate. I learned to hide every other emotion and when telling other people of my pain, I tend to laugh, rather than cry about it. — Regards Lee ~~ No one is compelled to serve great causes, unless he feels fit for it. Sir Winston Churchill
Response:
At this late hour, I’m lucky if I "get" myself <G
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – X-No-Archive: Yes Awwww OK I get you now. I’m curious if you also used humor in your arsenal of weapons dealing with the hurts from a dysfunctional family? I recall my therp tellling me that I use my anger appropriately and my humor also saved me. It can be a powerful combination. I remember my therapist asking me if I realized I was smiling when I told her a horrific memory. She said it’s what we *survivors* do. Hide behind either the anger or the humor. I think it’s more than a smile though. I see smiles in situations like that as nervousness. I’m thinking more when we reply with a smile and make a humorous comment about it. I suspect ppl who were not abused gasp at the thought of even our implication whereas we tend to minimize the impact with a humorous (but perhaps pointed) reply — For more information about this NNTP posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – X-No-Archive: Yes I’m curious if you also used humor in your arsenal of weapons dealing with the hurts from a dysfunctional family? I recall my therp tellling me that I use my anger appropriately and my humor also saved me. It can be a powerful combination. I remember my therapist asking me if I realized I was smiling when I told her a horrific memory. She said it’s what we *survivors* do. Hide behind either the anger or the humor.
I think it’s more than a smile though. I see smiles in situations like that as nervousness. I’m thinking more when we reply with a smile and make a humorous comment about it. I suspect ppl who were not abused gasp at the thought of even our implication whereas we tend to minimize the impact with a humorous (but perhaps pointed) reply? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – — For more information about this NNTP posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi
Response:
Hi slykitten,
holy hell…. I gots lotsa work to do! went for therapy today…. talked about my stupid choice to talk to my father (same sanctimonious prick who assaulted me the night of my grandma’s funeral!) on Christmas eve…. don’t ask… I had a momentary lapse of brainpower there!
ok I won’t ask I’ve been wondering why I feel so damned angry…. most of my life, I’ve been angry…. and here I’ve been fearing that something is terribly wrong with me because I haven’t yet shed any tears for the bunny I had to put to sleep back in March 2003, when my cousin died unexpectedly a week later and then in April 2003 when my grandma died.
Anger hides the emotions we are not ready or can’t deal with. It’s like the bandaid over an unhealed wound. so anyhoo… my shrink and I talked about my family life and the oh-so-loving environment I grew up in…. I hate remembering shit…. makes me mad that I had to go into the file cabinets of my brain to pull that crap back out into the open. She’s still not positive as to what it is that’s making me tick or even if she can diagnose anything other than PTSD and depression. So we’re still at square one but with a little more info…. something more for her to work with.
I’m curious if you also used humor in your arsenal of weapons dealing with the hurts from a dysfunctional family? I recall my therp tellling me that I use my anger appropriately and my humor also saved me. It can be a powerful combination. In fact, today I was enlightened that my childhood upbringing and the way I was conditioned and programmed as a kid taught me that anger is the only truly acceptable emotion. it’s what keeps me safe….. sane even…. and that’s why I haven’t been able to grieve.
Grieving has always been low on my list of priority emotions <G Extremely difficult to do. First off I think it requires a bit of acceptance and our life and lack of love and nurturing that came into our lives is very hard to accept well hot damn! guess I just chisled a tiny shard of ice off of the damned iceburg! not that it has made much difference but now we kinda know how I was conditioned and programmed…. now to hit the recovery
button…. Congratulations Chipping away is the only way to go! If we lobbed off a huge chunk of the iceberg and defrosted it immediately, we may get flooded. Drowning is not an option we want to do at this point I’m just afraid that it’s gonna take me the next 28 years to undo what my parents have done to me!
Hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day but I’ll bet you build yourself back in much less time than 28 years Kudos! Best, Panther – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Response:
holy hell…. I gots lotsa work to do! went for therapy today…. talked about my stupid choice to talk to my father (same sanctimonious prick who assaulted me the night of my grandma’s funeral!) on Christmas eve…. don’t ask… I had a momentary lapse of brainpower there! I’ve been wondering why I feel so damned angry…. most of my life, I’ve been angry…. and here I’ve been fearing that something is terribly wrong with me because I haven’t yet shed any tears for the bunny I had to put to sleep back in March 2003, when my cousin died unexpectedly a week later and then in April 2003 when my grandma died. so anyhoo… my shrink and I talked about my family life and the oh-so-loving environment I grew up in…. I hate remembering shit…. makes me mad that I had to go into the file cabinets of my brain to pull that crap back out into the open. She’s still not positive as to what it is that’s making me tick or even if she can diagnose anything other than PTSD and depression. So we’re still at square one but with a little more info…. something more for her to work with. In fact, today I was enlightened that my childhood upbringing and the way I was conditioned and programmed as a kid taught me that anger is the only truly acceptable emotion. it’s what keeps me safe….. sane even…. and that’s why I haven’t been able to grieve. well hot damn! guess I just chisled a tiny shard of ice off of the damned iceburg! not that it has made much difference but now we kinda know how I was conditioned and programmed…. now to hit the recovery button…. I’m just afraid that it’s gonna take me the next 28 years to undo what my parents have done to me! — "Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it. You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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