Question:
In a previous article, janelaw2…@aol.com (jane) said: <Righ,t but she’s not in therapy. She’s getting counseling. That generally is <a short-term thing. Depends on how you’re using the terms. There’s psychoanalysis, which takes years and years and isn’t generally aimed at crisis intervention. But I’ve heard of crisis intervention called either counseling or therapy, interchangably to mean the same thing. When Stevie had her difficulties this Spring and Summer, we said she was going to therapy with her therapist, although it was short-term and aimed specifically at one or two issues. Vicki — Family and Divorce Mediation Resources http://xcski.com/~mediator/
Response:
"rebecca" <justrebec…@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:FmCp9.22008$OB5.2095146@newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net… > That’s really for the BPs to do. Now, if they were refusing, hard to say > what I would do… probably, if the kid wanted it, I would find a service > that would see the child either for low-cost or I would pay for it. I > would, though, drag the kid’s father to our own counseling session, to talk > about how best to support a child that’s been molested. For me, that would > be _very_ important.
I feel the same way Rebecca. Luckily DH and I feel the same way about getting help for SD when she needs it. > Define "healed" better – capable of functioning in the outside world? > Having completely integrated the experience into their life, with no > long-lasting chronic side effects? I don’t know, Mika, I wouldn’t say I’m > healed totally from some of the painful experiences I’ve had in my life, > they still come up in counseling from time-to-time. Do I need a therapist > to function? No. But that’s me, maybe someone else with the same > experiences would feel differently. Hmm.. maybe I’m not making sense.
Well, personally I don’t think a person is ever "healed" from this sort of thing. I think a person can deal with it and move on but it will always be there and the effect it had on a person will always be there. As an adult victim of sexual assault, I know how it made me feel and how long it took me to deal with it. And no I never went to counseling for it. Looking back on it, counseling would have helped I’m sure. So I have an idea what SD is dealing with but she feels it from a kids POV so it’s somewhat different. So what you said about healed being capable of functioning in the outside world pretty much fits. What you said makes perfect sense. Thanks for sharing with me Rebecca. I appreciate it. Mika
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"WhansaMi" <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20021011174718.02970.00000897@mb-cr.aol.com… > Mika, it is not necessarily the case that continued therapy would be useful at > this time. If the patient is actively resistant to continuing (whether it is a > child or an adult) then therapy usually isn’t that useful. While I > understand your concerns, I’d REALLY suggest you talk to your SD and see what > she says.
Thanks Sheila. This is exactly why I posted the whole thing to begin with. I’m just a bit to close to the situation to be completely objective right now. I knew that you all could give me some different POV’s and help me see things more clearly. Your statement above helps a LOT!!!! 
Mika
Response:
><Righ,t but she’s not in therapy. She’s getting counseling. That generally >is >http://xcski.com/~mediator/
Sorry, Vic, can you email me this? jane
Response:
First of all I would answer the same in either instance as the best interest of the child is at stake here. Biology is simply science, being a mother or father is all heart be it the genetic mother or father or the I am your mother or father because I want to be. You are a part of this childs life because you love them As a SP, if your SC had been sexually assaulted, would you immediately put that child in counseling? I would discuss it with the DH/DW and express my views and feelings on the situation I would look to make sure the child would not be re-assulted by the devient. I would help to find a suitable counselor that would work with everyone (both sets of parents) as well as someone who specializes in sexual abuse of children. Age of the child and willingness to discuss it as well as what type of assault play into the effectiveness of immeadiate counsling. (under 8-9 vs teen same sex molestation vs date rape vs authority figure (priest, teacher, family friend, or relative or parent BF/GF) If so, how long would you have them going to the counselor? That is truly dictated by the couselor, if they can say hey it will take X number of sessions then guess what they are only giving you what your insurance dictates, ask how they are so sure it will only take X How long do you think is appropriate for a counselor to take in building a rapport with the child before getting into the details of the assault and dealing with those issues? Some hit it off immeadiately while others may take a little longer noone can really tell and sometimes it never clicks so you switch counselors What do you think is an appropriate length of time before the child is "healed", meaning doesn’t need to be in counseling any longer? That is truly dictated by the counselor, if they can say hey it will take X number of sessions then guess what they are only giving you what your insurance dictates, ask how they are so sure it will only take X My best rule of thumb is to take it at the child’s pace…is it interrupting their friendships, school work extra cirricular activities How do you or your DH react when the child is around is it different than before this assault? Do you need someone to talk with? DH? It is a long and twisty road but take your time do what is right let your heart guide you
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In a previous article, Iguanachef <iguanac…@attbi.com> said: <First of all I would answer the same in either instance as the best <interest of the child is at stake here. <Biology is simply science, being a mother or father is all heart be it <the genetic mother or father <or the I am your mother or father because I want to be. <You are a part of this childs life because you love them This is highly variable. Anyway, that doesn’t give you the legal authority to get your stepchild into counseling, whatever the need for it. Please keep in mind that most stepchildren already have two biological parents. (Yes, yes, I know, not all of them have two bioparents, but most do.) A step-parent can create an awful lot of bad feeling by jumping in and telling everyone else what needs to be done. My responses as stepmom and as biomom (and I am both) are different, and it has nothing to do with how I feel about my stepkids. It’s all about where my authority begins and ends. Vicki — Family and Divorce Mediation Resources http://xcski.com/~mediator/
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God, get a REAL ISP! V ——- start of forwarded message ——- From: vjr…@xcski.com (Vicki Robinson) Newsgroups: alt.support.step-parents Subject: Re: Counseling Question Date: Sat, 12 Oct 2002 14:21:48 +0000 (UTC) In a previous article, janelaw2…@aol.com (jane) said: <Righ,t but she’s not in therapy. She’s getting counseling. That generally is Depends on how you’re using the terms. There’s psychoanalysis, which takes years and years and isn’t generally aimed at crisis intervention. But I’ve heard of crisis intervention called either counseling or therapy, interchangably to mean the same thing. When Stevie had her difficulties this Spring and Summer, we said she was going to therapy with her therapist, although it was short-term and aimed specifically at one or two issues. Vicki Yabbut, they’re not at all the same thing. And neither one is pyschoanalysis. I think some of the confusion results from trained psychotherapists doing some counseling. I don’t see anything wrong with that. In a situation like this it seems not unlikely that some kids in the rape/abuse counseling will turn out to need therapy as well. But Mika seemed to be upset that the counseling was only a few sessions. That’s pretty standard IME, though. The kid goes in for a few sessions to get a grip on this one specific situation. If the counselor thinks she needs help in a broader way, she’s referred to a psychotherapist. Like Melissa’s SS. I don’t know what happened with Stevie or what the deal is in New York. But counseling isn’t necessarily done by people with training in psychology or pyschotherapy. jane
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POSTED AND MAILED In a previous article, janelaw2…@aol.com (jane) said: <Yabbut, they’re not at all the same thing. And neither one is pyschoanalysis. Well, that’s for sure. < <I think some of the confusion results from trained psychotherapists doing some <counseling. I don’t see anything wrong with that. In a situation like this it <seems not unlikely that some kids in the rape/abuse counseling will turn out to <need therapy as well. < <But Mika seemed to be upset that the counseling was only a few sessions. <That’s pretty standard IME, though. The kid goes in for a few sessions to get <a grip on this one specific situation. If the counselor thinks she needs help <in a broader way, she’s referred to a psychotherapist. Like Melissa’s SS. < <I don’t know what happened with Stevie or what the deal is in New York. But <counseling isn’t necessarily done by people with training in psychology or <pyschotherapy. I’ve never yet seen any kind of crisis counseling done by anyone without the training in psychology, although therapists in NY have many different degrees: clinical social work, psychology, school counseling, etc. But I think of "counseling" that is not therapy in terms of career counseling or life planning. What kind of counseling does a sexual assault victim need? Perhaps someone to explain the legal steps if the matter comes to court, someone to present the options that the victim has. But dealing with the assault itself? I call the therapy. All of the issues dealing with the victim’s sense of self, of safety and of dealing with the violation internally come under the heading of therapy. So, Mika, did your SD have a therapist or a counselor? (And Jane, I agree about neither being psychoanalysis.) Vicki — Family and Divorce Mediation Resources http://xcski.com/~mediator/
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>POSTED AND MAILED
Which is good because this was truncated too. >I’ve never yet seen any kind of crisis counseling done by anyone >without the training in psychology, although therapists in NY have >many different degrees: clinical social work, psychology, school >counseling, etc.
I’m getting confused. I agree that psychologists, psychiatrists, LICSWs can be trained in psychotherapy. >But I think of "counseling" that is not therapy in terms of career >counseling
or life planning. What kind of counseling >does a sexual assault victim need? Perhaps someone to explain the >legal steps if the matter comes to court, someone to present the >options that the victim has. But dealing with the assault itself? I >call the therapy. All of the issues dealing with the victim’s sense >of self, of safety and of dealing with the violation internally come >under the heading of therapy.
You can call it therapy if you like, but it’s confusing. There are so many different kinds of "counselors" and so many different rules in different states. They are not all qualified to do any kind of indepth pyschotherapy. My understanding – and please tell me if I’m wrong, Geri – is that in this state you can hang out a "Counselor" shingle if you’re a nurse. I’ve known social workers with just an undergraduate degree in English Lit., guidance counselors with a Master’s in Education, substance abuse counselors with a 3-day in house training. Hell, I’ve been a crisis intervention counselor and I never took a course in psychology in my life. You mention rape crisis counseling. It’s not the place to resolve your feelings of inadequacy from growing up in an abusive home. The counselor’s probably had a week’s training just in that specific area. So you can call it "therapy," but that doesn’t mean that the counselor has any training in psychology or psychotherapy at all. >So, Mika, did your SD have a therapist or a counselor?
But there’s not always a clear distinction. I imagine you could go to a psychiatrist for rape crisis counseling. You could certainly send your kid to a psychologist to for counseling regarding sexual abuse. >(And Jane, I agree about neither being psychoanalysis.)
Vicki jane
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>Which is good because this was truncated too.
Yeah I’m not seeing any of Vicki’s posts. Vicki, I think AOL hates you. Love, Melissa http://ryangiglierano.homestead.com/home.html "Bad Spellers of the world UNTIE!"
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> My understanding – and please tell me if I’m wrong, Geri – is >that in this state you can hang out a "Counselor" shingle if you’re a nurse.
I don’t honestly know about that – I have never heard of this, but that doesn’t mean a thing. (Sheesh, if it is true, maybe I should do that if the blankety-blank nurses’ union at my hospital decides to go on strike.) Geri (who is just kidding about doing this myself)
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> Yabbut, they’re not at all the same thing. And neither one is
pyschoanalysis. Well it is definitely not pyschoanalysis. But Jane, I’m really not trying to get into the semantics of whether it’s counseling or therapy here. I was using the term counseling to mean that she was getting help in understanding what happened to her and how it has and will impact her life. So if that is therapy, then I should have used that term. > But Mika seemed to be upset that the counseling was only a few sessions. > That’s pretty standard IME, though. The kid goes in for a few sessions to get > a grip on this one specific situation. If the counselor thinks she needs help > in a broader way, she’s referred to a psychotherapist. Like Melissa’s SS.
I don’t really see it as standard to only see a person for 3 sessions when he/she is dealing with something of this magnitude. The counselor/therapist she was seeing here would not even bring up the incident until he had seen her for several sessions. He felt it was really important that they build a rapport with each other so that she would feel comfortable in talking with him about it. The person she was seeing there was finished with her after only 2 or 3 sessions. This leads me to question the counselor/therapist’s credentials and credibility. Mika
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>How long do you think is appropriate for a counselor to take in building a >>rapport with the child before getting into the details of the assault and >>dealing with those issues? >Mika that depends on the child, therapist, parents etc. Some kids are going >to >open up quickly. Others will be more shy, and still with others it depends >on >the combination of child and therapist. >But therapy isn’t a short term thing. My SS will probably be in therapy >until >he’s 18, maybe even into adulthood. >Love, >Melissa >http://ryangiglierano.homestead.com/home.html >"Bad Spellers of the world UNTIE!"
Righ,t but she’s not in therapy. She’s getting counseling. That generally is a short-term thing. jane
Response:
"Melissa" <laa…@aol.compliment> wrote in message
news:20021010211308.26282.00000547@mb-cm.aol.com… > >As a SP, if your SC had been sexually assaulted, would you immediately put > >that child in counseling? > As an SP it wouldn’t be my decision, but I would certainly be encouraging the > BP to get counseling ASAP.
LOL you and Vicki got me on that one. Read my response to her post. I hope I clarified that a bit. I wasn’t meaning that the SP would take over and make that decision alone. <snipped> > But therapy isn’t a short term thing. My SS will probably be in therapy until > he’s 18, maybe even into adulthood.
Well you hit the nail on the head with that statement Melissa. I feel the same way that it will be more than just 3 sessions. Especially after the changes we saw in SD after the assault was revealed to us. She changed from night to day. And thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. Mika
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"WhansaMi" <whans…@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20021010221440.20784.00000718@mb-mn.aol.com… > >As a SP, if your SC had been sexually assaulted, would you immediately put > >that child in counseling? > Mika, my DD was (by all indications) sexually abused before we adopted her. > She saw a therapist for an evaluation when she was 4, but it was decided that > she didn’t have the verbal skills to deal with it, and there was so much else > going on (the new home, etc) that then wasn’t the time to do it. We all > anticipate that, as she reaches adolescence, with the accompanying sexual > maturity, she will start having issues around this again.
I am so sorry about that Sheila. I would not wish this on anyone. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I think that parents have to be somewhat guided by the kid’s feelings in this. > If the kid is wanting to talk to someone, surely, send her. If she is having > symptoms of depression, PTSD, or other emotional disturbance, then it is > probably good for the whole family to go, with her having a separate therapist > for herself, individually. OTOH, if she doesn’t want to talk to anyone about > it, AND she isn’t having symptoms of PTSD or other emotional disturbances the > efficacy of therapy is drastically decreased, and you run the risk of the kids > believing that others see her as "damaged", at a time when she is not prepared > to deal with it.
Well, this is the thing. She was showing signs of depression, PTSD and typical behaviors of having been abused. Her attitude about wanting to be/look/act/dress like a boy, her poor hygeine, her clothes, her negative attitude and the list goes on. It all makes sense now. But after we found out about the assault and she didn’t have to keep that secret anymore, she did such a 180 that it’s frightening. Personally I don’t think the 4 sessions she had here and the 3 sessions she had there are enough to even get into the assault and the behaviors that came with it. > >If so, how long would you have them going to the counselor? > That is a decision best left to the kid and the counselor.
SD just wants to forget about it and pretend that it never happened. Thanks for sharing Sheila. I appreciate your input. Mika
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"Vicki Robinson" <vjr…@xcski.com> wrote in message
news:ao56ke$d07$1@allhats.xcski.com… > In a previous article, "Mika" <tajmaha…@hotmail.com> said: > <As a SP, if your SC had been sexually assaulted, would you immediately put > <that child in counseling? > Ideally, I would support the bioparent to whom I was married in his > decision to put the child in counseling, and I would hope that he > would be able to consult with the other bioparent. If it were the > other bioparent’s partner who was the abuser, I would urge my husband > to get the child to counseling. I would not do it on my own.
Ok, LOL, ya got me on that one. What I meant to and should have said was, you and your SO/Spouse (or whatever the BP happens to be too you), what would you hope the BP would do and what would you encourage him/her to do? Some BP’s just want to sweep it under the carpet and hope it goes away, as our BM did. But DH immediately got SD into counseling. Of course, we discussed it and I encouraged him to do it. So I’m not trying to say that the SP would make that decision alone but in agreement with the BP. I hope that clarifies it a bit. > <If so, how long would you have them going to the counselor? > Until the counselor thinks she’s ready to terminate.
Well this is where I’m sort of having a problem. SD only saw the counselor where she lives 3 times. We have absolutely NO CLUE what has gone on in those sessions, as the counselor refused to discuss it with DH unless BM signed a release giving her permission. Of course, BM refused to sign the release, on the advice of her attorney. So we have no idea if the assault was even discssed at all. Knowing BM the way we do we seriously doubt that it was. But now after only 3 sessions, the counselor terminated SD, telling her that she didn’t need to be seen anymore but if she ever felt the need to talk BM would make an appointment. > <How long do you think is appropriate for a counselor to take in building a > <rapport with the child before getting into the details of the assault and > <dealing with those issues? > I depends *entirely* on the child and the trauma that she’s carrying. > It could take months before she’s ready to open up about an assault.
Don’t you think it would take more than just 3 sessions though? Thanks Vicki, you gave me some food for thought. Mika
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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->> Until the counselor thinks she’s ready to terminate. >Well this is where I’m sort of having a problem. SD only saw the counselor >where she lives 3 times. We have absolutely NO CLUE what has gone on in >those sessions, as the counselor refused to discuss it with DH unless BM >signed a release giving her permission. Of course, BM refused to sign the >release, on the advice of her attorney. So we have no idea if the assault >was even discssed at all. Knowing BM the way we do we seriously doubt that >it was. But now after only 3 sessions, the counselor terminated SD, telling >her that she didn’t need to be seen anymore but if she ever felt the need to >talk BM would make an appointment. >> <How long do you think is appropriate for a counselor to take in building >a >> <rapport with the child before getting into the details of the assault and >> <dealing with those issues? >> I depends *entirely* on the child and the trauma that she’s carrying. >> It could take months before she’s ready to open up about an assault. >Don’t you think it would take more than just 3 sessions though? >Thanks Vicki, you gave me some food for thought. >Mika
Mika, it is not necessarily the case that continued therapy would be useful at this time. If the patient is actively resistant to continuing (whether it is a child or an adult) then therapy usually isn’t that useful. While I understand your concerns, I’d REALLY suggest you talk to your SD and see what she says. Sheila
Response:
>As a SP, if your SC had been sexually assaulted, would you immediately put >that child in counseling?
As an SP it wouldn’t be my decision, but I would certainly be encouraging the BP to get counseling ASAP. >If so, how long would you have them going to the counselor?
That depends on treatement. >How long do you think is appropriate for a counselor to take in building a >rapport with the child before getting into the details of the assault and >dealing with those issues?
Mika that depends on the child, therapist, parents etc. Some kids are going to open up quickly. Others will be more shy, and still with others it depends on the combination of child and therapist. But therapy isn’t a short term thing. My SS will probably be in therapy until he’s 18, maybe even into adulthood. Love, Melissa http://ryangiglierano.homestead.com/home.html "Bad Spellers of the world UNTIE!"
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>As a SP, if your SC had been sexually assaulted, would you immediately put >that child in counseling?
Mika, my DD was (by all indications) sexually abused before we adopted her. She saw a therapist for an evaluation when she was 4, but it was decided that she didn’t have the verbal skills to deal with it, and there was so much else going on (the new home, etc) that then wasn’t the time to do it. We all anticipate that, as she reaches adolescence, with the accompanying sexual maturity, she will start having issues around this again. I think that parents have to be somewhat guided by the kid’s feelings in this. If the kid is wanting to talk to someone, surely, send her. If she is having symptoms of depression, PTSD, or other emotional disturbance, then it is probably good for the whole family to go, with her having a separate therapist for herself, individually. OTOH, if she doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it, AND she isn’t having symptoms of PTSD or other emotional disturbances the efficacy of therapy is drastically decreased, and you run the risk of the kids believing that others see her as "damaged", at a time when she is not prepared to deal with it. >If so, how long would you have them going to the counselor?
That is a decision best left to the kid and the counselor. >How long do you think is appropriate for a counselor to take in building a >rapport with the child before getting into the details of the assault and >dealing with those issues?
Again, depends on the kid. Also depends on the severity of the symptoms presented. >What do you think is an appropriate length of time before the child is >"healed", meaning doesn’t need to be in counseling any longer?
Studies have shown that the sequelae to sexual assault are present 5 to 10 years after the event for a majority of women. Other studies have shown lifelong changes in worldview. More acute symptoms include bouts with depression, anxiety disorders, drug abuse/alcohol abuse, and sexual dysfunction and/or sexual acting out. More general changes include feelings of helplessness, fear of vulnerability, and difficulty developing and maintaining relationships due to fear of intimacy. Women have found a wide range of interventions have been helpful for them. For some, it is therapy. For others, it is finding ways to be and feel confident and competent. For some others, it is self-help books and groups. I don’t think there is one single answer. >Now answer these same questions from the BP point of view with a BC.
Nope. All my answers will be the same. :-) Hope this helps. Sheila
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"Mika" <tajmaha…@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:FZop9.20745$OB5.1982502@newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net… > As a SP, if your SC had been sexually assaulted, would you immediately put > that child in counseling?
That’s really for the BPs to do. Now, if they were refusing, hard to say what I would do… probably, if the kid wanted it, I would find a service that would see the child either for low-cost or I would pay for it. I would, though, drag the kid’s father to our own counseling session, to talk about how best to support a child that’s been molested. For me, that would be _very_ important. > If so, how long would you have them going to the counselor?
I don’t personally support life-long continuous therapy, so my leaning would be some initial period of counseling, followed by re-visits at times when the issues started coming up again. That being said, normally the counselor and the kid would discuss that. _That_ being said, if cost was an issue and my insurance would only pick up x number of visits, I may have to start with that. > How long do you think is appropriate for a counselor to take in building a > rapport with the child before getting into the details of the assault and > dealing with those issues?
No clue. I’ve seen a couple of counselors, both have been really good at getting past my defenses into important discussion areas. With a child’s counselor (kid the age of your SD, I mean), I would probably find myself getting apprehensive if after 2 or 3 visits the subject of the assault hadn’t yet come up – not saying that’s right, just saying I’d be concerned. > What do you think is an appropriate length of time before the child is > "healed", meaning doesn’t need to be in counseling any longer?
Define "healed" better – capable of functioning in the outside world? Having completely integrated the experience into their life, with no long-lasting chronic side effects? I don’t know, Mika, I wouldn’t say I’m healed totally from some of the painful experiences I’ve had in my life, they still come up in counseling from time-to-time. Do I need a therapist to function? No. But that’s me, maybe someone else with the same experiences would feel differently. Hmm.. maybe I’m not making sense. > Now answer these same questions from the BP point of view with a BC.
Wouldn’t change, I would just be more active about managing the whole process. rebecca
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In a previous article, "Kathleen" <lovebirds1…@hotmail.com> said: <This is what they told us about my 13yo, when she was 8yo. (when she was 8yo <she told me her father had ‘raped’ her when she was 3yo ~ but nothing supported <her claim… well almost nothing) <We had a bad experience with counseling at that time. This is the father that she’s now living with? Vicki — Family and Divorce Mediation Resources http://xcski.com/~mediator/
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yep – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> <This is what they told us about my 13yo, when she was 8yo. (when she was 8yo > <she told me her father had ‘raped’ her when she was 3yo ~ but nothing supported > <her claim… well almost nothing) > <We had a bad experience with counseling at that time. > This is the father that she’s now living with? > Vicki > — > Family and Divorce Mediation Resources > http://xcski.com/~mediator/
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> >As a SP, if your SC had been sexually assaulted, would you immediately put > >that child in counseling? > Mika, my DD was (by all indications) sexually abused before we adopted her. > She saw a therapist for an evaluation when she was 4, but it was decided that > she didn’t have the verbal skills to deal with it, and there was so much else > going on (the new home, etc) that then wasn’t the time to do it. We all > anticipate that, as she reaches adolescence, with the accompanying sexual > maturity, she will start having issues around this again.
This is what they told us about my 13yo, when she was 8yo. (when she was 8yo she told me her father had ‘raped’ her when she was 3yo ~ but nothing supported her claim… well almost nothing) We had a bad experience with counseling at that time. With hope and heart, Kathleen – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I think that parents have to be somewhat guided by the kid’s feelings in this. > If the kid is wanting to talk to someone, surely, send her. If she is having > symptoms of depression, PTSD, or other emotional disturbance, then it is > probably good for the whole family to go, with her having a separate therapist > for herself, individually. OTOH, if she doesn’t want to talk to anyone about > it, AND she isn’t having symptoms of PTSD or other emotional disturbances the > efficacy of therapy is drastically decreased, and you run the risk of the kids > believing that others see her as "damaged", at a time when she is not prepared > to deal with it. > >If so, how long would you have them going to the counselor? > That is a decision best left to the kid and the counselor. > >How long do you think is appropriate for a counselor to take in building a > >rapport with the child before getting into the details of the assault and > >dealing with those issues? > Again, depends on the kid. Also depends on the severity of the symptoms > presented. > >What do you think is an appropriate length of time before the child is > >"healed", meaning doesn’t need to be in counseling any longer? > Studies have shown that the sequelae to sexual assault are present 5 to 10 > years after the event for a majority of women. Other studies have shown > lifelong changes in worldview. More acute symptoms include bouts with > depression, anxiety disorders, drug abuse/alcohol abuse, and sexual dysfunction > and/or sexual acting out. More general changes include feelings of > helplessness, fear of vulnerability, and difficulty developing and maintaining > relationships due to fear of intimacy. Women have found a wide range of > interventions have been helpful for them. For some, it is therapy. For > others, it is finding ways to be and feel confident and competent. For some > others, it is self-help books and groups. I don’t think there is one single > answer. > >Now answer these same questions from the BP point of view with a BC. > Nope. All my answers will be the same. :-) > Hope this helps. > Sheila
Response:
In a previous article, "Mika" <tajmaha…@hotmail.com> said: <As a SP, if your SC had been sexually assaulted, would you immediately put <that child in counseling? Ideally, I would support the bioparent to whom I was married in his decision to put the child in counseling, and I would hope that he would be able to consult with the other bioparent. If it were the other bioparent’s partner who was the abuser, I would urge my husband to get the child to counseling. I would not do it on my own. <If so, how long would you have them going to the counselor? Until the counselor thinks she’s ready to terminate. <How long do you think is appropriate for a counselor to take in building a <rapport with the child before getting into the details of the assault and <dealing with those issues? I depends *entirely* on the child and the trauma that she’s carrying. It could take months before she’s ready to open up about an assault. <What do you think is an appropriate length of time before the child is <"healed", meaning doesn’t need to be in counseling any longer? Months? Years? Periods of needing counseling as she grows and her own sexuality and sexual relationships mature throughout her life? <Now answer these same questions from the BP point of view with a BC. Same, except that I would take the lead in getting counseling, whereas I think a stepparent should not take the lead. — Family and Divorce Mediation Resources http://xcski.com/~mediator/
Response:
I have a question for you all. Actually it’s a personal opinion type thing. It’s a two part thing too based on what you would do as a SP with a Stepchild (SC) and as a BP and what you would do with your BioChild. So first of all: As a SP, if your SC had been sexually assaulted, would you immediately put that child in counseling? If so, how long would you have them going to the counselor? How long do you think is appropriate for a counselor to take in building a rapport with the child before getting into the details of the assault and dealing with those issues? What do you think is an appropriate length of time before the child is "healed", meaning doesn’t need to be in counseling any longer? Now answer these same questions from the BP point of view with a BC. Some of you may not feel any differently one way or the other and that is fine. I just really needs some outside opinions on this. Thanks Gang, I appreciate your help. Hugs to all. Mika
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