Question:
Hi bandit! >>Secondly, you need to know that all of us with PTSD have at least some >>experience with the symptoms you cite: > I could never understand what is meant by "flashbacks". It’s always > mentioned as a symptom of PTSD, but I can’t find any source that > defines it.
What I was told is that flashbacks are the same as ‘intrusive memories’. In other words, I can be watching a TV show and something suddenly ‘hits’ me (a trigger) and I am ‘transported’ to another place and time in my memory. For me, anything about Vietnam is one trigger and I avoid the subject in the news, movies and general conversation. I get transported to things I did, people I knew, things that happened to me … not necessarily to the trauma. YMMV Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
Response:
Hi Marty! > I hate taking these medications but it does beat startling > at the least trigger and dreading when the next panic attack will > happen.
The meds for us are the same as insulin for the diabetic … IMO. > Well the *source* does matter to me – because it is not understood by > many as even being serious.
I was raped while on active duty during the Vietnam war; I was never in ‘the’ war zone. The VA still treats me as a disabled but honoralbe veteran. I think that you are hanging around with toxic people if they cannot take your situation seriously; I know that I was … especially my family. > One big thing I have noticed since by abuse (4 years now) is the > trigger I so often see in movies – any sort of victimization gets me > to sobbing. I suppose this couls be common.
It is very important to learn what my triggers are and to avoid them like the plague, if I want to have a reasonably good life: peaceful, happy and productive. Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
Response:
> I could never understand what is meant by "flashbacks". It’s always > mentioned as a symptom of PTSD, but I can’t find any source that defines > it.
Besides the type of flashback that Nancy described which are common with PTSD I also experienced a period of my life when I was around young children that caused flashbacks of things I didn’t remember or choose to block out. Was like an out of body experience, watching a film roll. These were devastating to me, caused many self destructive behaviors. As I am older now I have not had these types of flashbacks for awhile and hope to never again.
Response:
Hi all, My shrink pretty much refers to a flashback as a nightmare that happens when you are awake – yes, an "intrusive memory". I had one fairly recently that I can describe. I was driving home from work and this route takes me past the church where by abuse occurred. I KNOW it is a trigger and sort of hold my breath as I pass and try not to really look at it. But, this one day, I started the sweating and trembling, kept looking in my rearview mirror to see if he was trailing me and for what was probably only a few seconds – but felt like several minutes – I was confused about where I was and where I was going – the abuse was in the PRESENT and I was scared – started talking to myself and looking around to get a grip back on reality. For a few seconds I was like transported and not sure quite when the time frame was. Some of the flashback will feel more like watching a video in fast forward – lots off images I recall and feel and smell – makes me feel I am crazy and when they are over I am sweaty and feel my heart racing. Similar to a panic atack but much more visual and real than the bodily panic symptoms. That’s how flashbacks feel to me. I always cry when they are over and feel very tired. Marty
Response:
Hey Nancy. You make some good points that make sense and yes i guess most of the people I know are "toxic" people as you say. Then again – the abuse was in 1999 and I am just now really getting the treatments and meds I need. I would like to think of my meds as insulin to a diabetic but I sense that stigma that surrounds what happened to me – guess because it is poorly understood – how a grown woman can ALLOW herself to be sexually used as an adult – but I truly was brain raped for years and years in advance as this man was my counselor – like a father to me. When the events occurred I felt like I was a tiny child again. Diabetes would be much easier to explain! But you do have a helpful attitude and that is what I like to hear from others who have been through some similar hell. Thanks for your input Nancy (and ALL). Marty
Response:
Hi Marty, I’m new here too. While I wasn’t victimized by clergy, my PTSD also comes from sexual abuse (a rape resulting in a stillborn child when I was 14, all of which I handled fairly rare, then another rape my sophomore year of college by a supposed "friend", which is what triggered the PTSD, and dredged up a lot of stuff I’d pushed back from what happened before). I can relate to a couple of the things you mentioned though. My symptoms also include flashbacks (sometimes in the form of nightmares, sometimes while awake), panic attacks (which caused me to lose my last job), depression, and just a total sense of being "lost" sometimes (like nobody understands or would relate to me, so I don’t want to be around people, and it’s sometimes almost too much work just to get up in the morning and get out of bed). I’ve tried suicide about 3 times, but I only think I was really "serious" about it once (the other two times were more "somebody notice something’s wrong, and please help me" than actually wanting to die.) It’s also causing a lot of secondary problems for my fianc
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