Question:
Hi All; I have not posted in a while. I have been very busy up until Christmas and then I kind of came apart. Christmas has always been tough. There are many bad memories around Christmas’ past. Then last year, my brother killed himself on Christmas Eve. I guess he could not take the pain any more. Try as I might, I have not been able to put that (and the other ’stuff’ from my past) out of my mind. I am overwhelmed with sadness or panic attacks with no warning and in the strangest situations (like at the gym). But, I don’t think anyone I know can understand and so I am writing to the group. I don’t know anyone else who has been through the things I have and there is no PTSD group where I live. Essentially, as usual, I am struggling to get through this for myself and my kids (I am sole parent). To make matters worse, I have had 3 bizarre encounters with strangers in stores over the past 3 days. In each case, I was effectively minding my own business and the other person tried to start a fight. Today, this guy actually tried to start a fist fight over god knows what. I wasn’t even talking to the guy and next thing I knew there was a situation. I managed to leave without violence, although it was a close thing and I had to eat some crow and let the guy jeer like he had won some sort of prize (a small price to pay to avoid a fight and risk to my kids). But the whole thing was bizarre and it ruined the outing for me and my kids. In each case over the past 3 days, I was with one or more of my kids and I asked them..’what happened here…did I do something wrong…did I say or do something offensive?’. In each case they said no. In one case, the guy came up and apologized later (that was the 1st one) and said ‘I don’t know why I did that’. So, here I am bummed out..almost suicidal and wondering…am I going completely nuts or is this just weird (bad) karma? I am no stranger to violence and fighting, but it was always thrust on me in the past and I never wanted any of it. All I want now is to be left in peace and to live a few days a week without fear. These encounters leave my nerves wrecked and body sick, with it taking days for me to feel ‘normal’ again (i.e. not frightened and ‘on guard’). It also worries me that this stuff happens with my kids present. Now, in addition to my own upset, I worry about their safety. I am wondering if this some sort of weird cosmic situation where negatives attract (I am sure there is a psych…more scientific term to explain what I mean…but I think you get my drift) or is it something else? Are these people attracted to me, because I seem down or am otherwise giving some sort of vibe? I am a fairly big guy and in good shape and if needed, I can defend myself. My friends describe me as ’solid’ (they don’t know about the nightmares). But maybe I seem vulnerable or easily victimized somehow…I don’t know. This sort of stuff used to happen to me more, when I was younger and it was no fun then either. Then it was more often to happen in a bar. Something about me always seemed to attract the troublemakers. Then, as now, I tried to figure out what was going on. In the end (and for other reasons, as well), I just started avoiding people. Do you understand what I am describing? Have you ever experienced this sort of thing, especially when emotionally down? Is there an explanation or a way out? Should I respond to this nonsense the way these type of people want…with anger and violence…is that really the only way to be left in peace? I hope not. It seems like my whole life has been one long battle and I am so tired. Please comment if you can help. Thanks Zeke
Response:
Hi Zeke, I’m so sorry about your brother and about the extreme stress at this time. Thanks for writing about what you are going through right now. I have learned that awareness and the simple act of writing down what’s going on can help. There are some therapists.& psychiatrists who do understand and who actually can be helpful…but you’re right, most don’t really "get it". Even in 12 step meetings (AA, OA, AlAnon in my case) I’m careful in sharing about this. I have actually experienced what you are describing during two periods in my life. I’m no expert, but I’ll share what I learned. Maybe something in what I write might be useful. (Can’t hurt). What was suggested to me to do by a spiritual advisor the first time helped both times. I haven’t experienced this again except in smaller doses. I will say that I stay away from crowds at this time of the year especially… and when I’m unavoidably in one (like at the airport later today) to be careful… I find at this time of the year that there are more volatile people out there. Just my opinion (most of my trauma anniversaries are in December which keeps me really hypervigilant and super aware the whole month). You’re also right about the exhaustion. It will feel really good when you feel some peace again. I know you’ll have that peace at some point; just wish it could be this very instant. I have that peace a lot now and am working hard to find ways to have it more of the time. I was encouraged to first pray and meditate in a quiet setting each day, then when I went out — to pray to be able to have a shield of protection about me (there are even scripture references to putting on the "whole armor of God"). He also suggested that I do prayers of gratitude which continue to help me, but which are difficult to do sometimes. He encouraged me to keep up my physical disciplines which I still do. Being as fit as possible (I know — sometimes things happen to not make that part of the eqation possible) is important and something I work toward mostly for peace of mind. This guy was a martial arts master as well as a very focused/serene individual who had been through hell and back more than once so I listened to him carefully and followed all his suggestions. I still do. The first time I felt under attack for no reason was within a few months of one of my earlier taumas when I was almost murdered. The other time period came not too long after my second divorce. Both times I was spiritually empty. Maybe you’re right about attracting this when at a low point — I don’t know about that… In any case, I’m sorry you’re going through what you’re going through right now. It sounds like you’ve got great kids. Hope the peace I described earlier becomes part of your life soon. Take care, Zeke. So glad you wrote. I hope others offer some other ideas to help, too. Anne (getting ready to leave the crowded Upper Westside of NYC, which I love, and head on back to the prairielands where I live now, and love too!). – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Hi All; >I have not posted in a while. I have been very busy up until Christmas >and then I kind of came apart. >Christmas has always been tough. There are many bad memories around >Christmas’ past. Then last year, my brother killed himself on >Christmas Eve. I guess he could not take the pain any more. >Try as I might, I have not been able to put that (and the other >’stuff’ from my past) out of my mind. I am overwhelmed with sadness or >panic attacks with no warning and in the strangest situations (like at >the gym). >But, I don’t think anyone I know can understand and so I am writing to >the group. I don’t know anyone else who has been through the things I >have and there is no PTSD group where I live. Essentially, as usual, I >am struggling to get through this for myself and my kids (I am sole >parent). >To make matters worse, I have had 3 bizarre encounters with strangers >in stores over the past 3 days. In each case, I was effectively >minding my own business and the other person tried to start a fight. >Today, this guy actually tried to start a fist fight over god knows >what. I wasn’t even talking to the guy and next thing I knew there was >a situation. I managed to leave without violence, although it was a >close thing and I had to eat some crow and let the guy jeer like he >had won some sort of prize (a small price to pay to avoid a fight and >risk to my kids). But the whole thing was bizarre and it ruined the >outing for me and my kids. >In each case over the past 3 days, I was with one or more of my kids >and I asked them..’what happened here…did I do something wrong…did >I say or do something offensive?’. In each case they said no. In one >case, the guy came up and apologized later (that was the 1st one) and >said ‘I don’t know why I did that’. >So, here I am bummed out..almost suicidal and wondering…am I going >completely nuts or is this just weird (bad) karma? I am no stranger to >violence and fighting, but it was always thrust on me in the past and >I never wanted any of it. All I want now is to be left in peace and to >live a few days a week without fear. >These encounters leave my nerves wrecked and body sick, with it taking >days for me to feel ‘normal’ again (i.e. not frightened and ‘on >guard’). It also worries me that this stuff happens with my kids >present. Now, in addition to my own upset, I worry about their safety. >I am wondering if this some sort of weird cosmic situation where >negatives attract (I am sure there is a psych…more scientific term >to explain what I mean…but I think you get my drift) or is it >something else? Are these people attracted to me, because I seem down >or am otherwise giving some sort of vibe? >I am a fairly big guy and in good shape and if needed, I can defend >myself. My friends describe me as ’solid’ (they don’t know about the >nightmares). But maybe I seem vulnerable or easily victimized >somehow…I don’t know. This sort of stuff used to happen to me more, >when I was younger and it was no fun then either. Then it was more >often to happen in a bar. Something about me always seemed to attract >the troublemakers. Then, as now, I tried to figure out what was going >on. In the end (and for other reasons, as well), I just started >avoiding people. >Do you understand what I am describing? Have you ever experienced this >sort of thing, especially when emotionally down? Is there an >explanation or a way out? Should I respond to this nonsense the way >these type of people want…with anger and violence…is that really >the only way to be left in peace? I hope not. It seems like my whole >life has been one long battle and I am so tired. >Please comment if you can help. >Thanks >Zeke
Response:
My thought is that people often "transfer" their anger that they feel generally for whatever reason, to someone that "fits the description." Perhaps they’re envious and projecting their frustration onto you. From your description I doubt you’re looking like a victim. Maybe it’s the opposite. Try to look a little less together? Is it ckear, when you are with one of your children, that you are their parent? People are suspicious nowadays of any man alone with a child, even in public. The Holiday season brings out a LOT of stress in people. And people are generally two different beings, depending on whether they are stressed or not.
Response:
Hi Anne; Thank you so much for your kind words. It does help. I do pray (although not everyday). I do offer prayers of gratitude as I feel there is much to be grateful for…my kids happiness for example (and they too have their stories…their mother was very violent…but are turning out alright, I think). For most of my life I prayed to ask God to stop punishing me. I didn’t know what I had done to make God angry, especially as a kid, but I wanted it to stop. Now, I think that God is different and so I pray differently (and it does help). I used to meditate diligently and got out of it. I need to get back to it, at least once a day. I stay in good shape. I work out 3-5 times a week and got into organized sports as a player and coach (chasing 20 odd 10 year olds around a field is quite a work out 
. I think I need to avoid public spaces for a while, though. Something strange is going on. I will consider all that you wrote and again, I am grateful for your kind words. Zeke – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -annek…@aol.com (Anneks89) wrote in message <news:20021230064522.01868.00000291@mb-fx.aol.com>… > Hi Zeke, > I’m so sorry about your brother and about the extreme stress at this time. > Thanks for writing about what you are going through right now. I have learned > that awareness and the simple act of writing down what’s going on can help. > There are some therapists.& psychiatrists who do understand and who actually > can be helpful…but you’re right, most don’t really "get it". Even in 12 step > meetings (AA, OA, AlAnon in my case) I’m careful in sharing about this. > I have actually experienced what you are describing during two periods in my > life. > I’m no expert, but I’ll share what I learned. Maybe something in what I write > might be useful. (Can’t hurt). > What was suggested to me to do by a spiritual advisor the first time helped > both times. I haven’t experienced this again except in smaller doses. I will > say that I stay away from crowds at this time of the year especially… and > when I’m unavoidably in one (like at the airport later today) to be careful… > I find at this time of the year that there are more volatile people out there. > Just my opinion (most of my trauma anniversaries are in December which keeps me > really hypervigilant and super aware the whole month). > You’re also right about the exhaustion. It will feel really good when you feel > some peace again. I know you’ll have that peace at some point; just wish it > could be this very instant. I have that peace a lot now and am working hard to > find ways to have it more of the time. > I was encouraged to first pray and meditate in a quiet setting each day, then > when I went out — to pray to be able to have a shield of protection about me > (there are even scripture references to putting on the "whole armor of God"). > He also suggested that I do prayers of gratitude which continue to help me, but > which are difficult to do sometimes. He encouraged me to keep up my physical > disciplines which I still do. Being as fit as possible (I know — sometimes > things happen to not make that part of the eqation possible) is important and > something I work toward mostly for peace of mind. > This guy was a martial arts master as well as a very focused/serene individual > who had been through hell and back more than once so I listened to him > carefully and followed all his suggestions. I still do. > The first time I felt under attack for no reason was within a few months of one > of my earlier taumas when I was almost murdered. The other time period came > not too long after my second divorce. Both times I was spiritually empty. > Maybe you’re right about attracting this when at a low point — I don’t know > about that… > In any case, I’m sorry you’re going through what you’re going through right > now. It sounds like you’ve got great kids. > Hope the peace I described earlier becomes part of your life soon. > Take care, Zeke. So glad you wrote. I hope others offer some other ideas to > help, too. > Anne > (getting ready to leave the crowded Upper Westside of NYC, which I love, and > head on back to the prairielands where I live now, and love too!). > >Hi All; > >I have not posted in a while. I have been very busy up until Christmas > >and then I kind of came apart. > >Christmas has always been tough. There are many bad memories around > >Christmas’ past. Then last year, my brother killed himself on > >Christmas Eve. I guess he could not take the pain any more. > >Try as I might, I have not been able to put that (and the other > >’stuff’ from my past) out of my mind. I am overwhelmed with sadness or > >panic attacks with no warning and in the strangest situations (like at > >the gym). > >But, I don’t think anyone I know can understand and so I am writing to > >the group. I don’t know anyone else who has been through the things I > >have and there is no PTSD group where I live. Essentially, as usual, I > >am struggling to get through this for myself and my kids (I am sole > >parent). > >To make matters worse, I have had 3 bizarre encounters with strangers > >in stores over the past 3 days. In each case, I was effectively > >minding my own business and the other person tried to start a fight. > >Today, this guy actually tried to start a fist fight over god knows > >what. I wasn’t even talking to the guy and next thing I knew there was > >a situation. I managed to leave without violence, although it was a > >close thing and I had to eat some crow and let the guy jeer like he > >had won some sort of prize (a small price to pay to avoid a fight and > >risk to my kids). But the whole thing was bizarre and it ruined the > >outing for me and my kids. > >In each case over the past 3 days, I was with one or more of my kids > >and I asked them..’what happened here…did I do something wrong…did > >I say or do something offensive?’. In each case they said no. In one > >case, the guy came up and apologized later (that was the 1st one) and > >said ‘I don’t know why I did that’. > >So, here I am bummed out..almost suicidal and wondering…am I going > >completely nuts or is this just weird (bad) karma? I am no stranger to > >violence and fighting, but it was always thrust on me in the past and > >I never wanted any of it. All I want now is to be left in peace and to > >live a few days a week without fear. > >These encounters leave my nerves wrecked and body sick, with it taking > >days for me to feel ‘normal’ again (i.e. not frightened and ‘on > >guard’). It also worries me that this stuff happens with my kids > >present. Now, in addition to my own upset, I worry about their safety. > >I am wondering if this some sort of weird cosmic situation where > >negatives attract (I am sure there is a psych…more scientific term > >to explain what I mean…but I think you get my drift) or is it > >something else? Are these people attracted to me, because I seem down > >or am otherwise giving some sort of vibe? > >I am a fairly big guy and in good shape and if needed, I can defend > >myself. My friends describe me as ’solid’ (they don’t know about the > >nightmares). But maybe I seem vulnerable or easily victimized > >somehow…I don’t know. This sort of stuff used to happen to me more, > >when I was younger and it was no fun then either. Then it was more > >often to happen in a bar. Something about me always seemed to attract > >the troublemakers. Then, as now, I tried to figure out what was going > >on. In the end (and for other reasons, as well), I just started > >avoiding people. > >Do you understand what I am describing? Have you ever experienced this > >sort of thing, especially when emotionally down? Is there an > >explanation or a way out? Should I respond to this nonsense the way > >these type of people want…with anger and violence…is that really > >the only way to be left in peace? I hope not. It seems like my whole > >life has been one long battle and I am so tired. > >Please comment if you can help. > >Thanks > >Zeke
Response:
"Elrod" <fl…@pacbell.net> wrote in message <news:FFYP9.67$st5.4139179@newssvr15.news.prodigy.com>…
Hi Elrod; Thank you for your reply. My comments follow. > My thought is that people often "transfer" their anger that they feel > generally for whatever reason, to someone that "fits the description." > Perhaps they’re envious and projecting their frustration onto you.
I think this may be what is happening, I just don’t understand it (or want it). > From your description I doubt you’re looking like a victim. Maybe it’s the > opposite.
I had a friend tell me once that I sometimes frightened her, even though I wasn’t doing anything at the time (she had been severely abused…by men). It may be that kind of thing. Although, for the most part, I just want to be left in peace and believe I come across as mellow (the guys on my sports team describe me as ‘the guy least likely to start anything’). > Try to look a little less together?
I don’t know…people are angry at so many different things these days. Maybe I should wear armour? > Is it ckear, when you are with one of your children, that you are their > parent?
I think to most people, although you are right. I have had a couple of encounters with people who assumed I was some sort of ‘bad guy’ because I was shopping with my kids. Idiotic, but yes it happens. > People are suspicious nowadays of any man alone with a child, even in > public.
And that is just sad. > The Holiday season brings out a LOT of stress in people. And people are > generally two different beings, depending on whether they are stressed or > not.
I think that is the thing to focus on, for me. As I wrote to Anne (prior msg.) I will lay low for a while. I don’t want (nor do I think I can handle) any more of this stuff right now. Thanks, Elrod, for your helpful thoughts. Z.
Response:
Zeke; Welcome to the not so wonderful world of PTSD, and all that it entails. We all have different situations that manifest themselves in our lives, and how we deal with them, to me, is the key to understanding what is going on with ‘us’. Sometimes, we do ‘nothing’ wrong. We are guilty of only being at the wrong place, at the wrong, or right time. For me, I just accept the fact that I’m a ’shit magnet’. It happens. For me, it happens a LOT. Large, big guys, in good shape are easy targets for others. Little guys always seem to have to ‘prove’ themselves by picking on larger targets. There is nothing to be proven by fighting a person the same size, or smaller than oneself. This comes from a large inferiority complex, ect, ect,. However, when we are the target of some of these mental midgets, then it becomes irrelative as to the whys, and wherefores. If I am not at ‘fault’, then I now refuse to accept the blame for someone else’s insecurities, and problems. I can understand not wanting to put your children at risk during these encounters, but just because you are a nice guy does not mean you have to be a doormat for every loose cannon around. You have personal rights as well, and are allowed to protect them. I’d probably be the last person on earth to promote violence in any form, but to me, some things are worth fighting for. My own self respect is one of them. Whether you are subconsiously ‘projecting’ a ‘bad’ attitude, or whatever, as long as you are not vocalizing it, or using so-called obscene gestures, then people should leave you alone. If not, then you will have to take matters to the next level. Maybe telling your children to go to the store’s office, and wait for you. Then, if the jerk still desires an audience with you, let him make the first move. Rarely, if ever, will they. Some people take a perverse pride in seeing how far they can push someone. They are bullies, and stupid. Once they are ‘called’ on what they are doing, they back off, and retreat like the cowering dog they are. Then again, some people are simply suicidal in their actions. The very lives they lead are prone, and are asking for someone to kill them. Once in a while, they get their wish. When exposed to the ‘flight or fight’ syndrome, some of us take flight, and some of us fight. Neither is good or bad, just different than each other. It sounds to me as if you regret not standing your ground, but could not do anything different because of your children. A lot would depend upon how old they are, and if they can take care of themselves. If they are old enough to take care of each other, then have them get out of the way, and you can handle the threat. This is probably not the best advice one could receive, so take it in the spirit of which it is given, and believe that it is probably worth what you are paying for it 
I’ve never had any children, so what one does around them would be lost on the likes of me. But, as a man, and an American, I no longer retreat from a threat. I can’t. During the course of my life, I have been pushed once too often. Can’t say that I like to fight, but if pushed— and I mean literally pushed, I will. Like the Duke said in some stupid movie, " I won’t be insulted, lied to, or laid a hand upon by another. I don’t do these things to others, and will not allow them to do it to me".—- or something to that effect. Hard to believe that some asshole Hollyweird type wrote that, but it is true just the same. I can’t speak for the general public at Christmas time, and what they go through. My Christmas season is also not the best time in the world. Yours, obviously, has pretty bad trauma to remind you . Pain like that , is not easy to mask, unless you are the best poker player in the world. Few of us are. I wish you well, and hope you receive better advice from others on the group. We have a nice group here, and lots of good, qualified people to share things with. Maybe the problems we have won’t be solved, but we can at least kick them around a little, and see what happens. Here’s hoping for you, and your family to have a great New Year’s celebration, and many more happy ones to come. Sorry you have the memories you do about the Christmas season, but try to ‘act as if’ things are actually ok. After a while of acting long enough, then sometimes we actually do feel better. I wish you well. J. David flmf…@tampabay.rr.com "Robar Fenton" <solaris…@yahoo.ca> wrote in message
news:a43fec02.0212292303.75e65c6c@posting.google.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi All; > I have not posted in a while. I have been very busy up until Christmas > and then I kind of came apart. > Christmas has always been tough. There are many bad memories around > Christmas’ past. Then last year, my brother killed himself on > Christmas Eve. I guess he could not take the pain any more. > Try as I might, I have not been able to put that (and the other > ’stuff’ from my past) out of my mind. I am overwhelmed with sadness or > panic attacks with no warning and in the strangest situations (like at > the gym). > But, I don’t think anyone I know can understand and so I am writing to > the group. I don’t know anyone else who has been through the things I > have and there is no PTSD group where I live. Essentially, as usual, I > am struggling to get through this for myself and my kids (I am sole > parent). > To make matters worse, I have had 3 bizarre encounters with strangers > in stores over the past 3 days. In each case, I was effectively > minding my own business and the other person tried to start a fight. > Today, this guy actually tried to start a fist fight over god knows > what. I wasn’t even talking to the guy and next thing I knew there was > a situation. I managed to leave without violence, although it was a > close thing and I had to eat some crow and let the guy jeer like he > had won some sort of prize (a small price to pay to avoid a fight and > risk to my kids). But the whole thing was bizarre and it ruined the > outing for me and my kids. > In each case over the past 3 days, I was with one or more of my kids > and I asked them..’what happened here…did I do something wrong…did > I say or do something offensive?’. In each case they said no. In one > case, the guy came up and apologized later (that was the 1st one) and > said ‘I don’t know why I did that’. > So, here I am bummed out..almost suicidal and wondering…am I going > completely nuts or is this just weird (bad) karma? I am no stranger to > violence and fighting, but it was always thrust on me in the past and > I never wanted any of it. All I want now is to be left in peace and to > live a few days a week without fear. > These encounters leave my nerves wrecked and body sick, with it taking > days for me to feel ‘normal’ again (i.e. not frightened and ‘on > guard’). It also worries me that this stuff happens with my kids > present. Now, in addition to my own upset, I worry about their safety. > I am wondering if this some sort of weird cosmic situation where > negatives attract (I am sure there is a psych…more scientific term > to explain what I mean…but I think you get my drift) or is it > something else? Are these people attracted to me, because I seem down > or am otherwise giving some sort of vibe? > I am a fairly big guy and in good shape and if needed, I can defend > myself. My friends describe me as ’solid’ (they don’t know about the > nightmares). But maybe I seem vulnerable or easily victimized > somehow…I don’t know. This sort of stuff used to happen to me more, > when I was younger and it was no fun then either. Then it was more > often to happen in a bar. Something about me always seemed to attract > the troublemakers. Then, as now, I tried to figure out what was going > on. In the end (and for other reasons, as well), I just started > avoiding people. > Do you understand what I am describing? Have you ever experienced this > sort of thing, especially when emotionally down? Is there an > explanation or a way out? Should I respond to this nonsense the way > these type of people want…with anger and violence…is that really > the only way to be left in peace? I hope not. It seems like my whole > life has been one long battle and I am so tired. > Please comment if you can help. > Thanks > Zeke
Response:
Hi J. David; Thank you for your feedback. I will have to give some thought to what you wrote. However, you are right…I (in hindsight) wonder if I should have just called the guy’s bluff or simply popped him. I doubt he gave a second thought to how much harm he and his buddy (I didn’t mention it earlier, but he was with a friend) caused. My kid’s presence (and the absurdity of this guy’s challenge) led me to my decision to leave (in that one case). I am tired of bowing out because it is the ‘right thing’. It reeks of what I have spent much of my life doing, taking the hits and then forgiving or explaining it away. I am not saying that forgiveness is bad or that violence is good. I truly believe that the opposite is true. But, turning the other cheek all the time leaves me sad and angry. I am tired of strife (and believe me, I have had several lifetimes worth) and all I want is some peace for once in my life. But sometimes, it seems as if I must, quite literally, be willing to fight for it. I have in the past…although, then I had no choice. It is not an easy choice now that it is available to me. Hopefully, I will have to next Christmas to ponder this further. On the broader issue of ‘why this happens’, I need to continue to explore the issue. I do not know why I seem to attract these people. However, there is an interesting aspect of this that I intend to investigate. In feudal Japan, the Samurai had a term ‘Sakki’ that they used to describe someone in a blood lust (i.e. looking for a fight). The Samurai claimed that they could sense this Sakki (from Ki…or energy)coming off an enemy, before an attack. Because of this, they could remain mentally calm and prepare for an attack. Unfortunately, I have yet to find anyone who knows more about this and it isn’t the type of thing a therapist would deal with. On a happier note, yes this is a good group. I am glad I have joined in. I hope you have a good New Year. Z. "J David Phillips" <flmf…@tampabay.rr.com> wrote in message <news:5YnQ9.187886$Db4.5344936@twister.tampabay.rr.com>… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Zeke; > Welcome to the not so wonderful world of PTSD, and all that it entails. > We all have different situations that manifest themselves in our lives, and > how we deal with them, to me, is the key to understanding what is going on > with ‘us’. > Sometimes, we do ‘nothing’ wrong. We are guilty of only being at the > wrong place, at the wrong, or right time. For me, I just accept the fact > that I’m a ’shit magnet’. It happens. For me, it happens a LOT. > Large, big guys, in good shape are easy targets for others. Little guys > always seem to have to ‘prove’ themselves by picking on larger targets. > There is nothing to be proven by fighting a person the same size, or smaller > than oneself. This comes from a large inferiority complex, ect, ect,. > However, when we are the target of some of these mental midgets, then it > becomes irrelative as to the whys, and wherefores. > If I am not at ‘fault’, then I now refuse to accept the blame for > someone else’s insecurities, and problems. I can understand not wanting to > put your children at risk during these encounters, but just because you are > a nice guy does not mean you have to be a doormat for every loose cannon > around. You have personal rights as well, and are allowed to protect them. > I’d probably be the last person on earth to promote violence in any > form, but to me, some things are worth fighting for. My own self respect is > one of them. Whether you are subconsiously ‘projecting’ a ‘bad’ attitude, > or whatever, as long as you are not vocalizing it, or using so-called > obscene gestures, then people should leave you alone. > If not, then you will have to take matters to the next level. Maybe telling > your children to go to the store’s office, and wait for you. Then, if the > jerk still desires an audience with you, let him make the first move. > Rarely, if ever, will they. Some people take a perverse pride in seeing how > far they can push someone. They are bullies, and stupid. Once they are > ‘called’ on what they are doing, they back off, and retreat like the > cowering dog they are. Then again, some people are simply suicidal in their > actions. The very lives they lead are prone, and are asking for someone to > kill them. Once in a while, they get their wish. > When exposed to the ‘flight or fight’ syndrome, some of us take flight, > and some of us fight. Neither is good or bad, just different than each > other. It sounds to me as if you regret not standing your ground, but could > not do anything different because of your children. A lot would depend upon > how old they are, and if they can take care of themselves. If they are old > enough to take care of each other, then have them get out of the way, and > you can handle the threat. > This is probably not the best advice one could receive, so take it in > the spirit of which it is given, and believe that it is probably worth what > you are paying for it I’ve never had any children, so what one does > around them would be lost on the likes of me. But, as a man, and an > American, I no longer retreat from a threat. I can’t. During the course of > my life, I have been pushed once too often. Can’t say that I like to fight, > but if pushed— and I mean literally pushed, I will. Like the Duke said in > some stupid movie, " I won’t be insulted, lied to, or laid a hand upon by > another. I don’t do these things to others, and will not allow them to do > it to me".—- or something to that effect. Hard to believe that some > asshole Hollyweird type wrote that, but it is true just the same. > I can’t speak for the general public at Christmas time, and what they go > through. My Christmas season is also not the best time in the world. > Yours, obviously, has pretty bad trauma to remind you . Pain like that , is > not easy to mask, unless you are the best poker player in the world. Few > of us are. I wish you well, and hope you receive better advice from others > on the group. We have a nice group here, and lots of good, qualified people > to share things with. Maybe the problems we have won’t be solved, but we > can at least kick them around a little, and see what happens. > Here’s hoping for you, and your family to have a great New Year’s > celebration, and many more happy ones to come. Sorry you have the memories > you do about the Christmas season, but try to ‘act as if’ things are > actually ok. After a while of acting long enough, then sometimes we > actually do feel better. I wish you well. > J. David > flmf…@tampabay.rr.com > "Robar Fenton" <solaris…@yahoo.ca> wrote in message > news:a43fec02.0212292303.75e65c6c@posting.google.com… > > Hi All; > > I have not posted in a while. I have been very busy up until Christmas > > and then I kind of came apart. > > Christmas has always been tough. There are many bad memories around > > Christmas’ past. Then last year, my brother killed himself on > > Christmas Eve. I guess he could not take the pain any more. > > Try as I might, I have not been able to put that (and the other > > ’stuff’ from my past) out of my mind. I am overwhelmed with sadness or > > panic attacks with no warning and in the strangest situations (like at > > the gym). > > But, I don’t think anyone I know can understand and so I am writing to > > the group. I don’t know anyone else who has been through the things I > > have and there is no PTSD group where I live. Essentially, as usual, I > > am struggling to get through this for myself and my kids (I am sole > > parent). > > To make matters worse, I have had 3 bizarre encounters with strangers > > in stores over the past 3 days. In each case, I was effectively > > minding my own business and the other person tried to start a fight. > > Today, this guy actually tried to start a fist fight over god knows > > what. I wasn’t even talking to the guy and next thing I knew there was > > a situation. I managed to leave without violence, although it was a > > close thing and I had to eat some crow and let the guy jeer like he > > had won some sort of prize (a small price to pay to avoid a fight and > > risk to my kids). But the whole thing was bizarre and it ruined the > > outing for me and my kids. > > In each case over the past 3 days, I was with one or more of my kids > > and I asked them..’what happened here…did I do something wrong…did > > I say or do something offensive?’. In each case they said no. In one > > case, the guy came up and apologized later (that was the 1st one) and > > said ‘I don’t know why I did that’. > > So, here I am bummed out..almost suicidal and wondering…am I going > > completely nuts or is this just weird (bad) karma? I am no stranger to > > violence and fighting, but it was always thrust on me in the past and > > I never wanted any of it. All I want now is to be left in peace and to > > live a few days a week without fear. > > These encounters leave my nerves wrecked and body sick, with it taking > > days for me to feel ‘normal’ again (i.e. not frightened and ‘on > > guard’). It also worries me that this stuff happens with my kids > > present. Now, in addition to my own upset, I worry about their safety. > > I am wondering if this some sort of weird cosmic situation where > > negatives attract (I am sure there is a psych…more scientific term > > to explain what I mean…but I think you get my drift) or is it > > something else? Are these people attracted to me, because I seem down > > or am otherwise giving some sort of vibe? > > I am a fairly big guy and in good shape and if needed, I can defend > > myself. My friends describe me as ’solid’ (they don’t know about the > > nightmares). But maybe I seem vulnerable or easily victimized > > somehow…I don’t know. This sort of stuff used to happen to me more, > > when I was younger
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