Question:
No one has started a weekly check in and I need to vent! Look’s like my night job is going down the tubes and not for the reason’s I ever thought. My cleaning partner is never on time! This is like my all time pet peeve! At first they were like 5 minutes late, then 10. Now it has been 20-30 mins. What has happened is my ptsd has kicked in full force because I can’t tolerate being alone in a deserted restaurant. I start scanning, jumping out of my skin at the least little noise. So I left.. I told them if you are 5 mins. late call, we both have cell phones. I don’t get a call, I leave, and I have twice now. I’m not sure what’s going on with this person but I’m about done dealing with it. Seems to have gotten worse after this person did nothing but yap my ear off for many nights about all the x-mas presents they were out getting. I heard the whole list 4-5 times and I finally said "that’s great but you already told me" They copped an attitude and I said "Listen, the materialistic b.s. doesn’t interest me in the least and I really don’t want to hear it. If I did I’d stay home and watch tv, or run around a shopping center". Neddless to say, that didn’t go over well. I don’t care! I’m back on the wellbutrin. My PCP is taking care of me at the moment and he thinks the skin rash I developed earlier would have gone away if I had stayed on it. So far, so good. Shannon
Response:
Shannon, >My PCP is taking care of me at the moment and he >thinks the skin rash I developed earlier would have gone away
Stress can cause skin rashes too. If you’ve just started on a new med, the rash can be wrongly attributed to the medication and not the stress. Good luck. Risa War doesn’t decide who’s right, only who’s left.
Response:
Well the night job is history, went in picked up my money, left it on my terms. That’s ok, it was not a good situation. I still have my day job and am thinking of expanding on that. I also have goals to get myself on a better sleep pattern, yeah right! One can wish. Has anyone ever been to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Is it worth a visit? I’ve been wanting to go. Shannon
Response:
>I also have goals to get myself on a better sleep pattern, yeah right! One
can wish.>> Yeah I’m clicking my glittery red shoes right along with you on that one. If I had a regular sleep pattern was I think a lot of stress would be relieved. Stress that I put on myself mostly. Of course I have a "regular" sleep pattern, its just irregular =/ Kristine
Response:
Hi Shannon! > Has anyone ever been to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Is it worth a visit? > I’ve been wanting to go.
Well, I live on the West Side of Cleveland and every time I start to go I end up at the Great Lakes Science Center next door. It’s cheaper and I love the omnimax movies. If I were into souvenirs, I could go into the store for free to get some, but I don’t like advertising products on my body. If you’re coming this way, let me know! Coffee, cigs, etc 
Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
Response:
>Yeah I’m clicking my glittery red shoes right along with you on that one. If >I >had a regular sleep pattern was I think a lot of stress would be relieved. >Stress that I put on myself mostly. >Of course I have a "regular" sleep pattern, its just irregular =/ >Kristine
hehe, like the red shoes part. Funny thing is I’m up half the night anyway but as soon as I get a night job, I can hardly stay awake. Shannon
Response:
Hi Nancy, Yeah, I was thinking of you when I posted. I’ve been wanting to go and now you tell me an omnimax is next door, ye-haw. I’m still in the planning stage but will let you know, would love to get together. Confession- For the last few x-mas’s I have thrown myself in the Niagara Falls Marriott, best room, overlooking the falls. The place is dead, and my money goes alot further but I’m kinda burnt out on that. Shannon
Response:
Hi Shannon – > Confession- For the last few x-mas’s I have thrown myself in the Niagara > Falls > Marriott, best room, overlooking the falls. The place is dead, and my money > goes alot further but I’m kinda burnt out on that. > Shannon
Have you ever been to Niagara-on-the-Lake? It’s about 20 minutes further than the Falls, quiet Victorian town – might be a nice change. And the Sheraton overlooking the Falls is nice, too. And usually has brunch and dinner included in the package, pretty good food. Hannah
Response:
Hi Hannah Yep I’ve been to the Lake area. I guess the reason I always go back is the great service around those parts. Good hospitality! I also like a certain spot on the railing of the falls where you can hang over safely, have been known to hog it. Think I pissed off some japanese tourists the last time. The power of the place always leaves me refreshed. Great hotel and dining packages this time of year. Usually go up, have dinner on the revoving skylon. Also they decorate the whole town, festival of lights, very beautiful. Shannon
Response:
If you’re coming this way, let me know! Coffee, cigs, etc Nancy, I know the invite wasn’t my way but I’d of come last year when my daughter was at Wright Patterson AFB! AND I could have seen your garden paradise. Sigh….alas I have not gardened in 4 years and it eats at me =( Kristine
Response:
>Funny thing is I’m up half the night anyway but as soon as I get a night job,
I can hardly stay awake. > Shan, forgive me for laughing my ass off, but ain’t that a bitch? You’d think that the hypervigilance would kick in (like it did when the co-workers were late) and you’d be wide awake! Sounds like a good situation to have left, working with someone possessing a habit (non-stop talk) that you just couldn’t deal with. I have a hard time with that one too. Question: are you pushing yourself into two jobs to avoid something that might be bubbling out of your subconscious and you’re trying to fight it? I ask because I’ve been there and there’s something that’s strikin’ a chord. Could be wrong, won’t be the first time! Kristine
Response:
Hi Kris, I think the hypervigilance was taking it’s toll. I was only working 3-4 hrs. a night but it felt like full time. I would be getting ready for work and wishing I could just go to bed, my mind and body knew what was coming. To answer your question, I’m not sure I understand if this is the way you meant it, but yes, there is something on my mind, weighing heavily. When I quit my full time job last year I lost my medical benefits. I had to apply for Medicaid through the state and they are a pretty tough bunch. I barely made it through that process and now they want me to apply or SSDI and have been pressuring me to do so. I feel like such a loser! I’ve raised my son by myself and never went on any assistance even though I qualified for it. I worked 2-3 jobs, found neighbors and friends to watch my son when he was little. There is something in my subconscious that is fighting this and I don’t know how to resolve it. I am also terrified to have to go through a SSDI evaluation. I burdened Kat with this info and I’m scared I set something off in her and I’m sorry. Kat if your reading this I really need, want, to get through this and I’m sorry for dumping on you. I filled out the paperwork last week. I guess they do a phone interview and I have an appointment this week. I think some of it has to do with poverty. How am I going to survive on SSDI. I can’t even look at Macaroni & Cheese. That scares the hell out of me! Shannon
Response:
I’m just going to add on here because now I am really upset. All the shit I went through! The job at the grocery store, you know what I started as a bagger, worked up to cashier, service counter, assistant manager. Throwing the bucks in the bank, thinking of maybe owning a home and wham, some asshole comes in and points a gun at me and my life has been shit ever since. I was recovering, I was moving on, and now I’m stuck, afraid, ashamed. I am reading this book and I am into the secondary wounding part and I am pissed off. My PCP asked me if I was suicidal. I meekly replied no, was thinking I was more homicidal, just no easy targets. Shannon
Response:
BaliKris wrote: > >Funny thing is I’m up half the night anyway but as soon as I get a night job, > I can hardly stay awake. > > Shan, forgive me for laughing my ass off, but ain’t that a bitch? You’d think > that the hypervigilance would kick in (like it did when the co-workers were > late) and you’d be wide awake! Sounds like a good situation to have left, > working with someone possessing a habit (non-stop talk) that you just couldn’t > deal with. I have a hard time with that one too. > Question: are you pushing yourself into two jobs to avoid something that might > be bubbling out of your subconscious and you’re trying to fight it? > I ask because I’ve been there and there’s something that’s strikin’ a chord. > Could be wrong, won’t be the first time! > Kristine
Cool thoughts. There always seems to be insomnia when I’m doen or there’s nothing to do but let my kids wake up at 3 am and I need a jug of coffee to stay awake. Yup, sounds like the co-worker needed ONANDONANDONATHON alright. Using work, chores, or errands hmmmm? Yeah only 75% of the time. Great post, needed the help. Ash
Response:
Shannon…yeah, that was the question I was asking and I figured by asking that it might bring into sight what was really at the bottom of the top stuff – I hope that made sense. Making it on SSDI can be done..its based on past earnings. I’m fortunate in that regard; I’m sorry to hear that the benefit isn’t going to help you enough, really sorry. And Kat, I hope that you’re around. Shannon, please remember that we post here and perhaps trigger someone unintentionally. I would venture to guess that you weren’t intentionally trying to trigger Kat and that she didn’t take it that way. I can’t speak for her though – just my impression and from knowing Kat. I’m sorry you’re going thru hell Shannon. Kristine
Response:
Glad to hear it was profitable for you Ash. Nice to meet you too…unless I’m losing my memory faster than before =/ Kristine
Response:
Shannon, SSDI isn’t based on your assets at all. It’s strictly based on your past work credits. If you’re certified disabled, you get the payment based on your prior earnings. If you are above the minimum payment (around $520 right now) then you don’t qualify for SSI. If you’re below that amount, you get SSI to bring you up to the minimum. I don’t know where you live, but in my state, I applied for Medicaid. That IS based on assets. Our govenor, in his infinite wisdom, has perpetuated disincentives for work. I really take a hit if I earn money above my SSDI payment. I can’t afford to lose my Medicaid since my meds cost around $1500 monthly. Depending on your circumstances and state of residence, you may qualify for other benefits from your state. You might also check out mental health resources in your community. Depending on how protective your state’s mental health code is, you could find a good support system available to you. Mental health workers also seem to be well connected with other community resources. They can help prevent devastating crises and homelessness. E-mail if you have other questions. Risa War doesn’t decide who’s right, only who’s left.
Response:
Hi Kris! > If you’re coming this way, let me know! Coffee, cigs, etc > Nancy, I know the invite wasn’t my way but I’d of come last year when my > daughter was at Wright Patterson AFB!
Of course you are invited. Heck, anyone on the board is welcome; just talk to me in e-mail, so I don’t panic. Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
Response:
Shannon, Risa is absolutely right. SSDI is not based on assets. SSI is (its federal welfare I do believe.) Your eligibility for SSDI (disability from the feds) is based on time worked and credits earned. You can apply for that regardless of assets and pursue benefits based on a disability. As mentioned before, you will likely have better results if you apply for a mental disorder (such as PTSD – its in the DSM, the bible they will use). I have physical disabilities but the PTSD was quickly approved. I would really encourage you to apply. They will send you a form and you’ll know what your benefit amount is, calculated on past earnings. If you have a child, then they give you half of your benefit for that. Now THAT money may be SSI I believe, which I cannot answer about assets and getting it. You are entitled to SSDI if you are disabled and have worked enough to earn the credits they require to be eligible. They told you that you were eligible so I would definitely pursue it. It can prevent you from being in the place you were before =) Kristine
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