Trauma – PTSD

Question:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – (snip) my sleeping wasn’t helped a whole lot and i still had a great deal of anxiety, but maybe less. so i think it might be helping, but i feel like not enough maybe. the thing i’m really afraid of is whether i will be able to cope over the summer. when i was home even for those two days, at night when my dad was asleep i still did feel that overwhelming panic. although now i suppose i could see someone over the summer if necessary, i don’t want to deal with that fear if i can help it before. i don’t know if that means dealing with the issues of trauma/abuse or taking other meds or what. oh well. now, i am just waiting a) for the book i ordered, and b) to hear from the counselor. (!!!) just thought i’d share that all. les.

Hi Les, You may be somewhere in between GAD and PD, in which case you might have some peace of mind if you had something on hand to help with PA’s when they hit.  You’d have less PA’s just knowing you had a safety net.  Of course this is my humble opinion, what I would have done differently if I’d known how my situation would escalate.  Yours may not.  When you get your book maybe that will be all you need to add to what  you already have.  Just keep posting like this, boy, are you doing something right!  Lots of things in fact. All My Support… Love, Ashley ~*~*~*

Response:

Dear Les, I also deal with the mistrust of others judgement regarding me.  But I think you’re on the right on track by deciding to no longer "hide" yourself.  How can others know or judge our condition if we hide our true selves.  I truly wish you someone you can trust to help you deal through what issues you have locked inside you.  Especially before you worsen to my condition.  You can save yourself a lot of pain if you start here and now, which is just what you are doing. Love, Ashley – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – after this weekend, i’ve decided to rethink everything and modify my approach to stuff in general. i know that there were a lot of behaviors i was exhibiting before that were harming me, and a lot of things i needed to change. i realized recently that something that was helping me was not hiding from things but facing them and learning about them. i rejected everything people told me when i was in high school because i thought i had a reason for everything. i was so scared always because i was around danger. it made sense that way. when i went away i figured fine i’m crazy now. but since i’ve decided to check out the web sites, come clean with people, read this ng, and read other stuff about ptsd and anxiety disorders and so on, i’ve at least had much better self-esteem and much less depression. it now seems like i have something curable. the other night i ordered a book from amazon.com (i think one of the reasons i’d never get a book before is what if someone saw me buying it, plus i never saw any that seemed to fit me so well as one i read about there). i think reading through it and educating myself should help. it seems to me, and i’m not going to get my hopes up about this too much, but maybe if i educate myself enough and understand the feelings i get and why they are there as well as the fact that many other people have this same condition, maybe i can prevent these reactions or at least minimize them somehow. it seems to make some sense, no? at the same time, though, i worry maybe i’m not dealing with some issues directly enough. i am still really unsure what will go on with the counselor i was seeing. if he’ll want to see me again and if we can figure out how to make it work. the hard thing with this is that i’ve learned not to trust people enough that i can’t even trust someone to help me. i also am unsure about the meds. i have been on the buspar now for two and a half weeks. it seemed like my concentration was up a bit (but sometimes now i feel more hazy like i did in high school and have less concentration), but my sleeping wasn’t helped a whole lot and i still had a great deal of anxiety, but maybe less. so i think it might be helping, but i feel like not enough maybe. the thing i’m really afraid of is whether i will be able to cope over the summer. when i was home even for those two days, at night when my dad was asleep i still did feel that overwhelming panic. although now i suppose i could see someone over the summer if necessary, i don’t want to deal with that fear if i can help it before. i don’t know if that means dealing with the issues of trauma/abuse or taking other meds or what. oh well. now, i am just waiting a) for the book i ordered, and b) to hear from the counselor. (!!!) just thought i’d share that all. les.

Response:

Ashley- I am really worried about you. Your messages just keep screaming out to me over and over of your pain and hurt. You seem so hopeless. I’ve been there though, trust me. Maybe I sound totally upbeat and positive and whatever, but trust me, I know what it’s like. You said : Especially before you worsen to my condition.  You can save yourself a lot of pain if you start here and now, which is just what you are doing. Love, Ashley

Well, I am trying to turn things around. Of course I have done this times before, maybe each time getting a little better of a try. I always think i have the answer every so often. And usually i’m disappointed when I find i don’t. Maybe this time things will be at least a little better once I settle in. Maybe not. But don’t think I haven’t been that down before, don’t think that there isn’t hope for you. Many people come of being suicidal to be fairly well adjusted people with great successes etc. I went to the hospital hmm when was that maybe a month ago or so. I had lost hope pretty much. Spent my nights not in a positive ng like this, but searching for anything on the net about suicidal and hurting oneself etc. My friends and people who were around me and cared about me got scared one night because I totally disassociated with myself and cut the head off of my totally well cherished stuffed animal that i’d had for ever and beyond. See, I was there. I would never in my right mind do that. I just didn’t care and i was hopeless. Things can get better. Don’t write yourself off. You’ve got some fight in you left. Just need a little help. Please let yourself get that help. We care about you and we can see past this depression that there is a lot there and you can do something to help it. If you won’t go to the ER, then please do call your doctor. Call your best friend, call your family. We just want what is best for you, okay? les.

Response:

Why yes you are Les!  Keep it going!  :)J — "Just when you think life sucks, someone hands you a vacuum cleaner; it is at this time you start cleaning some house". J  Visit me at:  http://members.ync.net/jdgalvin/index.html

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Margrove and JDog – I didn’t mean to make that sound so like the key to everything, sorry. i was just in a good mood. hehe. it’s just before i was more not doing anything about stuff but thinking one day maybe someone i saw would just magically find things out himself. i mean i don’t even talk in therapy really. i just wait. so i realized that was dumb. i know i need help dealing with the issues that got me to this point (for me that’s not as hard maybe as for some of you since i really know what it is, it was just too hard for me to face up to). i just think that i need to take more control and do things more myself. i don’t mean not going to counseling, but you can’t get counseling without playing a chief part. and about the learning as much as i can about this, i think by accepting it and not writing it off as before, it will help me understand things. i thought i was alone in this before and strange and it really killed my self-esteem and caused major depression to the point i wouldn’t hang out with my friends or even talk to them much, i didn’t get out of bed sometimes, skipped classes, didn’t care about anything etc. so, to end here, i just mean to say i don’t think i have all the answers and i know i’m just beginning, but i  think i am totally ready now and i think i finally accept things for what they are. i’m a little fighter deep down. (hehe) les.

Response:

Margrove and JDog – I didn’t mean to make that sound so like the key to everything, sorry. i was just in a good mood. hehe. it’s just before i was more not doing anything about stuff but thinking one day maybe someone i saw would just magically find things out himself. i mean i don’t even talk in therapy really. i just wait. so i realized that was dumb. i know i need help dealing with the issues that got me to this point (for me that’s not as hard maybe as for some of you since i really know what it is, it was just too hard for me to face up to). i just think that i need to take more control and do things more myself. i don’t mean not going to counseling, but you can’t get counseling without playing a chief part. and about the learning as much as i can about this, i think by accepting it and not writing it off as before, it will help me understand things. i thought i was alone in this before and strange and it really killed my self-esteem and caused major depression to the point i wouldn’t hang out with my friends or even talk to them much, i didn’t get out of bed sometimes, skipped classes, didn’t care about anything etc. so, to end here, i just mean to say i don’t think i have all the answers and i know i’m just beginning, but i  think i am totally ready now and i think i finally accept things for what they are. i’m a little fighter deep down. (hehe) les.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – after this weekend, i’ve decided to rethink everything and modify my approach to stuff in general. i know that there were a lot of behaviors i was exhibiting before that were harming me, and a lot of things i needed to change. i realized recently that something that was helping me was not hiding from things but facing them and learning about them. i rejected everything people told me when i was in high school because i thought i had a reason for everything. i was so scared always because i was around danger. it made sense that way. when i went away i figured fine i’m crazy now. but since i’ve decided to check out the web sites, come clean with people, read this ng, and read other stuff about ptsd and anxiety disorders and so on, i’ve at least had much better self-esteem and much less depression. it now seems like i have something curable. the other night i ordered a book from amazon.com (i think one of the reasons i’d never get a book before is what if someone saw me buying it, plus i never saw any that seemed to fit me so well as one i read about there). i think reading through it and educating myself should help. it seems to me, and i’m not going to get my hopes up about this too much, but maybe if i educate myself enough and understand the feelings i get and why they are there as well as the fact that many other people have this same condition, maybe i can prevent these reactions or at least minimize them somehow. it seems to make some sense, no? at the same time, though, i worry maybe i’m not dealing with some issues directly enough. i am still really unsure what will go on with the counselor i was seeing. if he’ll want to see me again and if we can figure out how to make it work. the hard thing with this is that i’ve learned not to trust people enough that i can’t even trust someone to help me. i also am unsure about the meds. i have been on the buspar now for two and a half weeks. it seemed like my concentration was up a bit (but sometimes now i feel more hazy like i did in high school and have less concentration), but my sleeping wasn’t helped a whole lot and i still had a great deal of anxiety, but maybe less. so i think it might be helping, but i feel like not enough maybe. the thing i’m really afraid of is whether i will be able to cope over the summer. when i was home even for those two days, at night when my dad was asleep i still did feel that overwhelming panic. although now i suppose i could see someone over the summer if necessary, i don’t want to deal with that fear if i can help it before. i don’t know if that means dealing with the issues of trauma/abuse or taking other meds or what. oh well. now, i am just waiting a) for the book i ordered, and b) to hear from the counselor. (!!!) just thought i’d share that all. les.

les anxiety in many ways is a messenger-ittakes a long time to develop ways in which it plays havoc with our lives-your thoughts of educating yourself about it is a wise one-knowledge is power to change. There isn’t one primary reason or core nuerotic reason for one having anxiety problems-there are usually many and by learning to manage and use skills to deal with the symtpoms is not glossing over some deeper problem-in many instances the symptoms are the problem-changing your worldview is also wise-change it to a more positive affirming one where you dispute your erroneous beliefs about yourself and the world in general-sounds like you are making a beggining and this is a good thing-recovery is not linear there are many steps forward and many backward but if you stay with it long and hard enough you will make real progress in becoming a better stronger person. LM

Response:

after this weekend, i’ve decided to rethink everything and modify my approach to stuff in general. i know that there were a lot of behaviors i was exhibiting before that were harming me, and a lot of things i needed to change. i realized recently that something that was helping me was not hiding from things but facing them and learning about them. i rejected everything people told me when i was in high school because i thought i had a reason for everything. i was so scared always because i was around danger. it made sense that way. when i went away i figured fine i’m crazy now. but since i’ve decided to check out the web sites, come clean with people, read this ng, and read other stuff about ptsd and anxiety disorders and so on, i’ve at least had much better self-esteem and much less depression. it now seems like i have something curable. the other night i ordered a book from amazon.com (i think one of the reasons i’d never get a book before is what if someone saw me buying it, plus i never saw any that seemed to fit me so well as one i read about there). i think reading through it and educating myself should help. it seems to me, and i’m not going to get my hopes up about this too much, but maybe if i educate myself enough and understand the feelings i get and why they are there as well as the fact that many other people have this same condition, maybe i can prevent these reactions or at least minimize them somehow. it seems to make some sense, no? at the same time, though, i worry maybe i’m not dealing with some issues directly enough. i am still really unsure what will go on with the counselor i was seeing. if he’ll want to see me again and if we can figure out how to make it work. the hard thing with this is that i’ve learned not to trust people enough that i can’t even trust someone to help me. i also am unsure about the meds. i have been on the buspar now for two and a half weeks. it seemed like my concentration was up a bit (but sometimes now i feel more hazy like i did in high school and have less concentration), but my sleeping wasn’t helped a whole lot and i still had a great deal of anxiety, but maybe less. so i think it might be helping, but i feel like not enough maybe. the thing i’m really afraid of is whether i will be able to cope over the summer. when i was home even for those two days, at night when my dad was asleep i still did feel that overwhelming panic. although now i suppose i could see someone over the summer if necessary, i don’t want to deal with that fear if i can help it before. i don’t know if that means dealing with the issues of trauma/abuse or taking other meds or what. oh well. now, i am just waiting a) for the book i ordered, and b) to hear from the counselor. (!!!) just thought i’d share that all. les.

Response:

Hi Les! Try not to project too far into the future.  Stay with what is going on for now ie. book and the counselor.  You will get to the other in due time.  So what are you studying in school?  I was a psych major.  Killed me in the job market.  Now I am learning about personal computers and web design.  I hope that I can make it with that.  C ya  :)J — "Just when you think life sucks, someone hands you a vacuum cleaner; it is at this time you start cleaning some house". J  Visit me at:  http://members.ync.net/jdgalvin/index.html

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – after this weekend, i’ve decided to rethink everything and modify my approach to stuff in general. i know that there were a lot of behaviors i was exhibiting before that were harming me, and a lot of things i needed to change. i realized recently that something that was helping me was not hiding from things but facing them and learning about them. i rejected everything people told me when i was in high school because i thought i had a reason for everything. i was so scared always because i was around danger. it made sense that way. when i went away i figured fine i’m crazy now. but since i’ve decided to check out the web sites, come clean with people, read this ng, and read other stuff about ptsd and anxiety disorders and so on, i’ve at least had much better self-esteem and much less depression. it now seems like i have something curable. the other night i ordered a book from amazon.com (i think one of the reasons i’d never get a book before is what if someone saw me buying it, plus i never saw any that seemed to fit me so well as one i read about there). i think reading through it and educating myself should help. it seems to me, and i’m not going to get my hopes up about this too much, but maybe if i educate myself enough and understand the feelings i get and why they are there as well as the fact that many other people have this same condition, maybe i can prevent these reactions or at least minimize them somehow. it seems to make some sense, no? at the same time, though, i worry maybe i’m not dealing with some issues directly enough. i am still really unsure what will go on with the counselor i was seeing. if he’ll want to see me again and if we can figure out how to make it work. the hard thing with this is that i’ve learned not to trust people enough that i can’t even trust someone to help me. i also am unsure about the meds. i have been on the buspar now for two and a half weeks. it seemed like my concentration was up a bit (but sometimes now i feel more hazy like i did in high school and have less concentration), but my sleeping wasn’t helped a whole lot and i still had a great deal of anxiety, but maybe less. so i think it might be helping, but i feel like not enough maybe. the thing i’m really afraid of is whether i will be able to cope over the summer. when i was home even for those two days, at night when my dad was asleep i still did feel that overwhelming panic. although now i suppose i could see someone over the summer if necessary, i don’t want to deal with that fear if i can help it before. i don’t know if that means dealing with the issues of trauma/abuse or taking other meds or what. oh well. now, i am just waiting a) for the book i ordered, and b) to hear from the counselor. (!!!) just thought i’d share that all. les.

Response:

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