Question:
I was already feeling so bad after this experience and then tried to watch that show last nite. I really did not feel so good after that. I couldn’t pin it down but just felt uncomfortable. To be honest,Oprah has had better shows. I guess I’m still so upset from yesterday~knowing these two pple had good therapists who stuck with them long enough~altho Christine Sizemore was treated first in my home town and highly exploited~she later found a good therapist. I’m mixing two subjects I guess. I just wonder if I’ll ever find someone who can really help and not abandon me. I love Dr. M.~he’s very good to me~but we don’t do DID therapy. And tho I will still have him outpt.~my biggest fears were always the hospitals where I had been treated so badly. He stopped that~he made me feel like it was safe as long as he was there. Now we’ll choose whoever is on call that sounds the best that week and I’ll have to hope that Dr.M. can do what he promised. He’s so compassionate that sometimes he makes promises we both know he can not keep. I am truly afraid now. I just feel like it will never end. Songbird Sometimes
Response:
*WC winks* As far as str*p s*arches… do what I do. Carry so much cr*p in your pockets and backpack that the security officers get bored and just tell you "forget it, just have someone take it home for you." ;) First time we got hospitalized, our SO just about exploded laughing when the h*spit*l guards said "Can you open that, miss?" about my fanny pack. He *knew* what was coming… I sure did open it– and about three pounds of random items fell out. Sugar packets, hockey cards, lint, a toy police badge… eighty-two cents in loose change… a napkin… parts of a baby bottle… After two minutes of us explaining each object to the guards, they just told us to pack it all in and give it to the SO. ;) WC
Response:
Songbird is cryin an cyin an packin owr thins. She an other big wons say no won can be trustet even if they meen wel. she says we got nothin to care abot no mor bcawse evry won leevs us an we wil get hert in hospils agin weer they don understan us. Me an the suzys no want to go. we lik dr. m. an i thin he liks us. do we gotta go with hir? we lik the groop heer to cuz we git to writ to an peepl writ us. cricket
Response:
We went to see our doc again today. Call it ESP but for the rirst time in years I sat on the edge of the chair. I answered the usual questions~but still had a funny feeling. Then he asked me when E’st’r is this yr. I had not really thought about it~its aways off. And hey why worry about bad things when its not getting too close yet,right? Wrong! My doc is taking a leave of absence from the h’spital for 8 wks {I’ve seen the look of PTSD on his face lately for about the 4th time since I’ve known him~I noticed he looked better today} But he and I have both learned there are certain times of the yr. that is is totally unsafe for us try it at home. So I/we asked him so what happens. By then tears were falling silently and we were wiping them away as fast as they flowed. Then we said~well you’ll go back after the 8 wks{knowing we could be brave enough to come out from under the covers with another dr. one h’l'day or at least make him think we could} One look at him and we knew~that 8 wks. was preparation forever. Then the tears staeted flowing so fast we could not see~but cry out loud~no way. He’ll still be there outpt. we know~but it took yrs. to find a dr. who could promise no restr’ints,no str’p se’rches,no ER~just direct admit. He started reassuring me~he’d find a dr who would just do what he suggested~not mess with my meds,make sure they were a believer and gentle. The tears still flowed anyway. We heard a catch in his voice and could have sworn he was wiping away tears too~NAH nobody~not even him ever cried for me. But the promises started~only for us,he said would he visit or call everyday. He’d bring the coloring books.books,and crooswords for treats,he wouldn’t let us get hurt,he’d find a dr. who’d listen to him. We were his only exception~but he promised. By then the tears had stopped,the numbness had set in, and I barely felt the half~hug he gave me. Now we’re going back and forth on the tears and numbness and wondering if and why he’d do those things for us. We’ve never been worth being cared about before~so why should anyone now? And the tears keep coming…….
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