Question:
today was a really bad day. we’ve been sick the last few days, swollen glands, sore throat, body aches, headaches, stomachaches..ugh. well today was another hearing for the custody thing for our stepson andrew. for the ppl who don’t know, or forgot..we got emergency custody of him in sept. he is five years old. his mother is very messed up and was not able to take care of him, so he ended up in a crisis shelter twice, and in foster care, before husband and i were finally granted temporary custody. we have been working very diligently to try to help andrew, to provide a safe, happy home, therapy, speech therapy, special ed..and all the rest. there is too much for me to go into here, but it has been alot. andrew has made alot of progress, but..we (again) began to suspect that his mother abused him over the last few weeks. he was making good progress..then.. all the ptsd stuff started up all over again, the nightmares, the acting out, screaming, defiance.. then, i’d see him tune out, space out, and do this happy, happy i love you thing. so, i start to wonder if he is dissociative. also, read some stuff about attachment disorders, and think that may be part of it too..altho andrew has been in therapy, somehow, i don’t think the therp he is seeing is getting to what is really going on. well, husband went ballistic…i am putting my issues on the kid..blah, blah. no…admit i may be overconcerned, but imho, better overconcerned than underconcerned. hope that i am *wrong*. i’d love to be wrong. but, i know that whatever is bothering andrew is old stuff..it is not about what is happening now. and, i don’t know how to help him. so..husband went to hearing without me today. he left while i was upstairs getting dressed. ouch. came home and said we are gonna have a custoday fight, cuz bio mom hired a *criminal* attorney..oh, joy. and, he thinks i am exaggerating.. the more we find out..the worse this whole thing gets. the more evidence to suggest that she did something to the kid.. why..a criminal attorney? so, we have this out this afternoon. i say..oh, bad me for trying to get help…you say you want support, i try to help you get mad. plus, think this is a fun situation to be in? then, even tho i am sick today..i am willing to come with you, even tho i hate hate hate this conflict and this whole thing…and you leave without me. had therp appt. tonite and canceled cuz cry all day, sick and snowing outside. too f*cked up to drive there..prolly get in accident or something. today really sucked. it sure did. i hurt all over.. writing this down so to help me remember, as much as to get any feedback from you guys. i am really tired of ppl dumping on me..cuz they think they can. cuz i am basically a nice person (s). i am so sick of this sh*t.. what is wrong with ppl? what makes them think that they can vent their frustrations on me, when i dint even do anything..except try to help, or be nice. i don’t get this..in fact, i been wondering this for a long time.. am exhausted and sad. rescheduled therp appt. for saturday. will prolly print this so i don’t forget..cuz feel mind getting all fuzzy. did i do something wrong or is everyone crazy. going into the haze now…bye. mony p.s. husband finally say sorry cuz we tell him about our rule. our rule is never never never hurt someone who try to help you. i guess he think about that, but already hurt us first, and then say sorry. we think would have been nice to say thank you for try to find help for my boy, thank you for helping me do all the home stuff, and thank you for taking time off work when you are sick to go with me. nononono..be not thankful, get mad, then..after fact say sorry, finally. this not right i don’t think..now, sick and hurt, and still have a bad day. could have been just sick and have bad day..so how this make anything better.. — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
today was a really bad day. we’ve been sick the last few days, swollen glands, sore throat, body aches, headaches, stomachaches..ugh.
sorry you are sick. please make sure you take care of yourself too, not only little kid. well today was another hearing for the custody thing for our stepson. for the ppl who don’t know, or forgot..we got emergency custody of him in sept. he is five years old. his mother is very messed up and was not able to take care of him, so he ended up in a crisis shelter twice, and in foster care, before husband and i were finally granted temporary custody.
i think is good thing for kid that he get to live with you. sound to me like is best thing. we have been working very diligently to try to help [him], to provide a safe, happy home, therapy, speech therapy, special ed..and all the rest. there is too much for me to go into here, but it has been alot.
is already a lot, not including anything else. you must be very tired from so much work. i am happy child has access to you, but it has to be hard for you. [he] has made alot of progress, but..we (again) began to suspect that his mother abused him over the last few weeks.
): very sorry to hear this. he was making good progress..then.. all the ptsd stuff started up all over again, the nightmares, the acting out, screaming, defiance.. then, i’d see him tune out, space out, and do this happy, happy i love you thing.
sounds like trauma reactions, yes. so, i start to wonder if he is dissociative. also, read some stuff about attachment disorders, and think that may be part of it too..altho andrew has been in therapy, somehow, i don’t think the therp he is seeing is getting to what is really going on.
don’t know what can be done about therp situation. maybe someone else here has suggestion… well, husband went ballistic…i am putting my issues on the kid..blah, blah.
is shame he feels this way. sort of sounds like being attacked for own issues in their own right, and not having anything to do with child situation. not sure if that came out right… he has issues with your ‘having’ issues to begin with. (that’s what sounds like to -me- but i am probably wrong) no…admit i may be overconcerned, but imho, better overconcerned than underconcerned.
i no see as over, nor under. i see as appropriate, given his behavior. hope that i am *wrong*.
me too i’d love to be wrong. but, i know that whatever is bothering [him] is old stuff..it is not about what is happening now. and, i don’t know how to help him.
just keep being there for him, and being an advocate for him to his father. i am no sure what legal implications are or even if you ‘can’ but i would mention to t’pist (child’s) is you ever have opportunity. so..husband went to hearing without me today. he left while i was upstairs getting dressed. ouch.
came home and said we are gonna have a custoday fight, cuz bio mom hired a *criminal* attorney..oh, joy. and, he thinks i am exaggerating.. the more we find out..the worse this whole thing gets. the more evidence to suggest that she did something to the kid.. why..a criminal attorney?
am no laywer. i would no understand what situation is. husband would need to talk to his atty about it. some people do practice different kinds of law at same time, although i don’t think it’s wise. so, we have this out this afternoon. i say..oh, bad me for trying to get help…you say you want support, i try to help you get mad. plus, think this is a fun situation to be in? then, even tho i am sick today..i am willing to come with you, even tho i hate hate hate this conflict and this whole thing…and you leave without me. had therp appt. tonite and canceled cuz cry all day, sick and snowing outside. too f*cked up to drive there..prolly get in accident or something. today really sucked. it sure did. i hurt all over.. writing this down so to help me remember, as much as to get any feedback from you guys.
i’m sorry this day was so bad for you. you went through a lot. ): i am really tired of ppl dumping on me..cuz they think they can. cuz i am basically a nice person (s). i am so sick of this sh*t..
i think you are nice person too. and i think it rots that you got dumped on. what is wrong with ppl? what makes them think that they can vent their frustrations on me, when i dint even do anything..except try to help, or be nice. i don’t get this..in fact, i been wondering this for a long time..
because they was being selfish and your feelings didn’t come into the equation. ): that sucks & it hurts. am exhausted and sad. rescheduled therp appt. for saturday. will prolly print this so i don’t forget..cuz feel mind getting all fuzzy.
i can’t blame the mind. was a very rough day and you deserve a break. did i do something wrong or is everyone crazy. going into the haze now…bye.
you did nothing wrong that i see. i think whatever the baggage is/was from your husband and his ex got spilled into your lap (where it don’t belong, imo). mony
deag — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Dearest mony – We are so sorry you are sick, and so very sorry about all the fighting over that little boy, and so sorry that you are feeling dumped on and that your husband treated you badly – we hear all of that and feel sorry. We think that loving a child is about the hardest thing anyone can do – I mean, loving and raising and helping, no matter what, no matter who is sick or hurt or whatever – loving and being the caretaker of a child is the hardest thing, and anyone who does it – really is trying, like you are – we send the highest gratitude, because we know how hard it is, and love has to happen, it has to, because otherwise, what? More pain. So, mony – we send our love – we do, because we know you say it’s okay – and we hope the next day you have is a really, really good one, and everyone soon gets better from being sick, and everyone makes up from fighting, and esp. that this awful, awful thing about the custody is resolved somehow and you and your husband and Andrew are all okay. Thinking of you – Beauty – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – today was a really bad day. we’ve been sick the last few days, swollen glands, sore throat, body aches, headaches, stomachaches..ugh. well today was another hearing for the custody thing for our stepson andrew. for the ppl who don’t know, or forgot..we got emergency custody of him in sept. he is five years old. his mother is very messed up and was not able to take care of him, so he ended up in a crisis shelter twice, and in foster care, before husband and i were finally granted temporary custody. we have been working very diligently to try to help andrew, to provide a safe, happy home, therapy, speech therapy, special ed..and all the rest. there is too much for me to go into here, but it has been alot. andrew has made alot of progress, but..we (again) began to suspect that his mother abused him over the last few weeks. he was making good progress..then.. all the ptsd stuff started up all over again, the nightmares, the acting out, screaming, defiance.. then, i’d see him tune out, space out, and do this happy, happy i love you thing. so, i start to wonder if he is dissociative. also, read some stuff about attachment disorders, and think that may be part of it too..altho andrew has been in therapy, somehow, i don’t think the therp he is seeing is getting to what is really going on. well, husband went ballistic…i am putting my issues on the kid..blah, blah. no…admit i may be overconcerned, but imho, better overconcerned than underconcerned. hope that i am *wrong*. i’d love to be wrong. but, i know that whatever is bothering andrew is old stuff..it is not about what is happening now. and, i don’t know how to help him. so..husband went to hearing without me today. he left while i was upstairs getting dressed. ouch. came home and said we are gonna have a custoday fight, cuz bio mom hired a *criminal* attorney..oh, joy. and, he thinks i am exaggerating.. the more we find out..the worse this whole thing gets. the more evidence to suggest that she did something to the kid.. why..a criminal attorney? so, we have this out this afternoon. i say..oh, bad me for trying to get help…you say you want support, i try to help you get mad. plus, think this is a fun situation to be in? then, even tho i am sick today..i am willing to come with you, even tho i hate hate hate this conflict and this whole thing…and you leave without me. had therp appt. tonite and canceled cuz cry all day, sick and snowing outside. too f*cked up to drive there..prolly get in accident or something. today really sucked. it sure did. i hurt all over.. writing this down so to help me remember, as much as to get any feedback from you guys. i am really tired of ppl dumping on me..cuz they think they can. cuz i am basically a nice person (s). i am so sick of this sh*t.. what is wrong with ppl? what makes them think that they can vent their frustrations on me, when i dint even do anything..except try to help, or be nice. i don’t get this..in fact, i been wondering this for a long time.. am exhausted and sad. rescheduled therp appt. for saturday. will prolly print this so i don’t forget..cuz feel mind getting all fuzzy. did i do something wrong or is everyone crazy. going into the haze now…bye. mony p.s. husband finally say sorry cuz we tell him about our rule. our rule is never never never hurt someone who try to help you. i guess he think about that, but already hurt us first, and then say sorry. we think would have been nice to say thank you for try to find help for my boy, thank you for helping me do all the home stuff, and thank you for taking time off work when you are sick to go with me. nononono..be not thankful, get mad, then..after fact say sorry, finally. this not right i don’t think..now, sick and hurt, and still have a bad day. could have been just sick and have bad day..so how this make anything better..
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Response:
beauty, you are so kind.. thank you for these thoughts, and all the support. today we have some brighter thoughts and some progress (goes like that..some days not so good, some better). andrew actually took a shower..i mean water and soap on the head and everything! we are so proud..so we praise and say yay! big boy..and he feel so grown up. and, got some new story books (nice hardcover ones) in the mail, cuz we join the kid’s book club. plus *free* dinosaur t-shirt. looking good! then, when andrew in bed..mony’s littles get to read books.. (hee hee!) so, today *not* so bad. plus, i gots some chocolate.<g thank you and love to you back. mony – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Dearest mony – We are so sorry you are sick, and so very sorry about all the fighting over that little boy, and so sorry that you are feeling dumped on and that your husband treated you badly – we hear all of that and feel sorry. We think that loving a child is about the hardest thing anyone can do – I mean, loving and raising and helping, no matter what, no matter who is sick or hurt or whatever – loving and being the caretaker of a child is the hardest thing, and anyone who does it – really is trying, like you are – we send the highest gratitude, because we know how hard it is, and love has to happen, it has to, because otherwise, what? More pain. So, mony – we send our love – we do, because we know you say it’s okay – and we hope the next day you have is a really, really good one, and everyone soon gets better from being sick, and everyone makes up from fighting, and esp. that this awful, awful thing about the custody is resolved somehow and you and your husband and Andrew are all okay. Thinking of you – Beauty
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Response:
deag wrote sorry you are sick. please make sure you take care of yourself too, not only little kid.
hi deag, we took a whole day off from work to spend all by ourselves and do whatever we want. now, we are almost *cured*. maybe we can even quit therapy (haha…kidding). i think is good thing for kid that he get to live with you. sound to me like is best thing.
after reading psychologist report, and finding out more about conditions before he got here (terrible, terrible), yes..we know that now for sure! is already a lot, not including anything else. you must be very tired from so much work. i am happy child has access to you, but it has to be hard for you.
yes..we kinda freaking out for a few days (especially after seeing the psychologist report, and finding out the new upsetting information), but today..we (wrote this to beauty, too) he take shower all my himself! this is a *big* thing. he used to scream if *any* water got on his face.. so, today we feel like proud step mama! as for the rest of it..we decided that it would be best to have another therp evaluate, but not right away. we havta have his current therp talk to the court ppl. and, think it might not be a good time to change therps. but..hey, i am *aware* of this little boy. i will take care of it when the time is right. meantime, he making progress. many things for him to learn and master. will take time. thank you deag for your support. some days mony gets so overwhelmed, cuz what mony wanted was..peace and quiet and no struggle, blah, blah, blah… (and maybe win the lottery, and parents would rise from the d*ad and own their stuff, too? <g now mony making mony ROTFL) oh, well..it’s a little boy. what else could i do? and, he need us. he need somebody to take good care..so we just happen to get elected, cuz we happen to be there in the place and time. so…here we go. today is ok. kind words on not so good days help lots, tho. thanks you..sending some chocolate before we eat it all… mony — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
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