Trauma – PTSD

Question:

Gannon’s, my simple advice is for You to go and seek help and advice from a professional before permanent damage occurrs within your marriage.What you see he presently can’t, he will in time but it will be his time.You must be a very observant and loving partner, hang in there all my best hopes, John De

Response:

Thanks, everybody.  It just helps hearing your voices in reply.  I will look for help for myself as you suggest… I had been leaning in that direction already b/c of my own difficulties coping lately.  I will look for a support group to start with.  Thanks again.  It’s nice to know where to go if I need to talk! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -JBOLOIDEGARAY wrote: > Gannon’s, my simple advice is for You to go and seek help and advice from a > professional before permanent damage occurrs within your marriage.What you see > he presently can’t, he will in time but it will be his time.You must be a very > observant and loving partner, hang in there all my best hopes, John De

Response:

"cloud dreamer" <CloudDream…@excite.ca> wrote in message

news:cfcdfd7a.0202190618.41fd868e@posting.google.com… > Gannons <cbc…@worldnet.att.net> wrote in message

<news:3C71B8CB.CD076B0F@worldnet.att.net>… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > My husband used to be so different, and after doing some reading on > > PTSD, I see he has many of the classic symptoms.  These developed since > > 9/11; he personally knew  25 people who died, and he used to work in the > > WTC.  He’s been through chest pains, detachment, avoidance, withdrawal > > from people, anger management problems, sexual dysfunction, avoidance of > > intimacy, etc. etc.  and he won’t discuss it, won’t consider going for > > therapy.  What do I do????????  I’ve tried to detach, step back, give > > him space, but then I lose patience and that seems to make us take two > > steps back because he runs.  When I exhibit strong emotions, he gets > > even more distant, but sometimes I just have to express it.  How do you > > find the patience and the confidence in your love to do this?  Help, > > please!  Does anyone know of a NYC support group for people like me? > Gannons > His reaction is very typical. It is so important that he seek > treatment as soon as possible and this cannot be emphasized strongly > enough.  The severity of the long term effects of PTSD can be > significantly reduced or even virtually eliminated if the person gets > help quickly after a trauma.  It’s the reason you see counsellors at > the schools after a shooting and why the WTC had an army of > counsellors available to the firefighters and construction crews while > the cleanup went on.  The problem that has resulted in NYC is that it > is hard to get an appointment to see a therapist since this has > affected so many people (which in itself is helpful because on a daily > basis everyone knows they are not alone). > The longer he goes without therapy, the longer the symptoms will > fester and become engrained into his life.  What you can see is most > likely only the tip of the iceberg.  There are some excellent books > listed in the FAQ that you can read and show to him to educate both of > yourselves and hopefully make him understand how important therapy is. >  Men are so much harder to get to therapy – they have the idea they > can work through it (they’re tougher or more macho type thing – who > knows? but their brains have other ideas and whether they realize > it or not, they have absolutely no control over it. > Check out the information in the FAQ and if you have any more > questions, don’t hesitate to ask.  As for support groups in the NYC > area – call any mental health clinic – I can imagine the city is full > of them now and attending one of them would be very helpful.

I agree with all of Chech’s excellent reply. The only other thing that sprung to mind is something that many people don’t realise. It may be useful to understand that extreme stress can result in physiological changes within the body, changes which cause the kind of mood swings and sensitivity you are talking about. In other words, you might be expecting too much if you hope for him to be rational very often. He is probably so raw that anything close to the issue triggers him into all out fear etc. The best thing you can do is try to make him feel as safe as possible. This might mean trying to steer him out of situations that trigger associations to the trauma, as well as any situations which will make him feel pressured. If you get him safe, he will be more likely to go for help, but probably only when he understands a bit more about what is happening. Try to be gentle. Getting help quickly is of huge importance, but go easy so you don’t freak him out. You don’t want therapy to be a trigger issue if you can help it. Padding the way could start with something as simple as you talking with a friend who has had therapy and made some really good life-changes as a result. Whatever you do though, it will have to be handled with care. And be aware that there is something called secondary trauma too. His trauma will ripple through those around him like dominoes, so even if he won’t get help, maybe *you* getting some support will mean that he will see the benefits and also enable you to remain more stable for him. Dealing with full on trauma can be very exacting and the human body is not designed to withstand prolonged exposure – that means your body as well as his. Either way, it sounds like you could both do with some support – preferably with someone who understands trauma enough to recognise that it can exert profound changes in the body. With true PTSD, there are changes in hormonal flow and other symptoms. To give you a real idea of PTSD, imagine this next time he flares up at the simplest thing. Imagine he has stepped out of a car wreck and landed in your living room. common sense tells all of us that the person would be in a state of shock, which is a physical state, not only a mental or emotional one. And we all know it isn’t very easy to function properly in such circumstances. We wouldn’t expect it of a person. He may not be at that state yet, but even so it could get that way and it is not a fun way to live, let me tell you. The stress reactions sound as though they are there in his body, hopefully not continuously yet. If you catch it now, as Chech has suggested, then you really can save yourselves from a really difficult journey down the line. Full trauma is a physiological experience that cannot be talked out of, reasoned out of. It doesn’t just go away no matter how hard you try. It has to be dealt with properly, because it is so physiologically based. Not dealing with it is like neglecting a bullet wound or a broken leg. It is a physical issue, nothing to do with pride or manliness or strength, and the more those around him understand all this, the more likely it will be that he will be able to go for help. He still is the man he was, it is just that his body is in shock at present. Getting help should change that, so do try, please. Good luck! Try to make things as safe as possible – that is the key! If you have any questions, come back and don’t be shy to ask ) Cary

Response:

My husband used to be so different, and after doing some reading on PTSD, I see he has many of the classic symptoms.  These developed since 9/11; he personally knew  25 people who died, and he used to work in the WTC.  He’s been through chest pains, detachment, avoidance, withdrawal from people, anger management problems, sexual dysfunction, avoidance of intimacy, etc. etc.  and he won’t discuss it, won’t consider going for therapy.  What do I do????????  I’ve tried to detach, step back, give him space, but then I lose patience and that seems to make us take two steps back because he runs.  When I exhibit strong emotions, he gets even more distant, but sometimes I just have to express it.  How do you find the patience and the confidence in your love to do this?  Help, please!  Does anyone know of a NYC support group for people like me?

Response:

Gannons <cbc…@worldnet.att.net> wrote in message <news:3C71B8CB.CD076B0F@worldnet.att.net>… > My husband used to be so different, and after doing some reading on > PTSD, I see he has many of the classic symptoms.  These developed since > 9/11; he personally knew  25 people who died, and he used to work in the > WTC.  He’s been through chest pains, detachment, avoidance, withdrawal > from people, anger management problems, sexual dysfunction, avoidance of > intimacy, etc. etc.  and he won’t discuss it, won’t consider going for > therapy.  What do I do????????  I’ve tried to detach, step back, give > him space, but then I lose patience and that seems to make us take two > steps back because he runs.  When I exhibit strong emotions, he gets > even more distant, but sometimes I just have to express it.  How do you > find the patience and the confidence in your love to do this?  Help, > please!  Does anyone know of a NYC support group for people like me?

Gannons His reaction is very typical. It is so important that he seek treatment as soon as possible and this cannot be emphasized strongly enough.  The severity of the long term effects of PTSD can be significantly reduced or even virtually eliminated if the person gets help quickly after a trauma.  It’s the reason you see counsellors at the schools after a shooting and why the WTC had an army of counsellors available to the firefighters and construction crews while the cleanup went on.  The problem that has resulted in NYC is that it is hard to get an appointment to see a therapist since this has affected so many people (which in itself is helpful because on a daily basis everyone knows they are not alone). The longer he goes without therapy, the longer the symptoms will fester and become engrained into his life.  What you can see is most likely only the tip of the iceberg.  There are some excellent books listed in the FAQ that you can read and show to him to educate both of yourselves and hopefully make him understand how important therapy is.  Men are so much harder to get to therapy – they have the idea they can work through it (they’re tougher or more macho type thing – who knows? but their brains have other ideas and whether they realize it or not, they have absolutely no control over it. Check out the information in the FAQ and if you have any more questions, don’t hesitate to ask.  As for support groups in the NYC area – call any mental health clinic – I can imagine the city is full of them now and attending one of them would be very helpful. chech View the AST-PTSD FAQ @ http://www.astpfaq.bravepages.com/index.html

Response:

Hello Gannons! I second everything Chech and Cary say. Being gentle, not confrontational is necessary in order for you to get help for your husband and yourself. I know it’s hard: You may have to step back with your own feelings and needs, and you may feel that would be lying. But think of it this way: The image given in Cary’s post is correct, and if your husband’s still acting in a different way from what he did before the 11/9, 5 months later, there is good reason to think something’s up. It’s a good idea to think of and treat him as somebody just coming in the door from a traffic accident. In the FAQ, three months is the limit for acute PTSD: After that, it’s considered chronic. His body may still be in shock, always ready for a "fight or flight" response. It’s normal to think you could "shake some sense into him" or "give him a jolt", but that’s precisely the thing he doesn’t need. He’s been enough "jolted": He can’t take any more. Be kind to him. Love him. Come here for support, and seek support for yourself. And if you can get near him enough to talk about it, tell him, greetings from me, that if I’d had loving people urging me to get professional help in 1978, I might not have suffered the way I have for 24 years. Good luck, Lotte "Cary Charles" <c…@notspam.co.uk> skrev i meddelandet news:_euc8.33546$wK3.615074@news-binary.blueyonder.co.uk… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "cloud dreamer" <CloudDream…@excite.ca> wrote in message > news:cfcdfd7a.0202190618.41fd868e@posting.google.com… > > Gannons <cbc…@worldnet.att.net> wrote in message > <news:3C71B8CB.CD076B0F@worldnet.att.net>… > > > My husband used to be so different, and after doing some reading on > > > PTSD, I see he has many of the classic symptoms.  These developed since > > > 9/11; he personally knew  25 people who died, and he used to work in the > > > WTC.  He’s been through chest pains, detachment, avoidance, withdrawal > > > from people, anger management problems, sexual dysfunction, avoidance of > > > intimacy, etc. etc.  and he won’t discuss it, won’t consider going for > > > therapy.  What do I do????????  I’ve tried to detach, step back, give > > > him space, but then I lose patience and that seems to make us take two > > > steps back because he runs.  When I exhibit strong emotions, he gets > > > even more distant, but sometimes I just have to express it.  How do you > > > find the patience and the confidence in your love to do this?  Help, > > > please!  Does anyone know of a NYC support group for people like me? > > Gannons > > His reaction is very typical. It is so important that he seek > > treatment as soon as possible and this cannot be emphasized strongly > > enough.  The severity of the long term effects of PTSD can be > > significantly reduced or even virtually eliminated if the person gets > > help quickly after a trauma.  It’s the reason you see counsellors at > > the schools after a shooting and why the WTC had an army of > > counsellors available to the firefighters and construction crews while > > the cleanup went on.  The problem that has resulted in NYC is that it > > is hard to get an appointment to see a therapist since this has > > affected so many people (which in itself is helpful because on a daily > > basis everyone knows they are not alone). > > The longer he goes without therapy, the longer the symptoms will > > fester and become engrained into his life.  What you can see is most > > likely only the tip of the iceberg.  There are some excellent books > > listed in the FAQ that you can read and show to him to educate both of > > yourselves and hopefully make him understand how important therapy is. > >  Men are so much harder to get to therapy – they have the idea they > > can work through it (they’re tougher or more macho type thing – who > > knows? but their brains have other ideas and whether they realize > > it or not, they have absolutely no control over it. > > Check out the information in the FAQ and if you have any more > > questions, don’t hesitate to ask.  As for support groups in the NYC > > area – call any mental health clinic – I can imagine the city is full > > of them now and attending one of them would be very helpful. > I agree with all of Chech’s excellent reply. The only other thing that > sprung to mind is something that many people don’t realise. It may be useful > to understand that extreme stress can result in physiological changes within > the body, changes which cause the kind of mood swings and sensitivity you > are talking about. In other words, you might be expecting too much if you > hope for him to be rational very often. He is probably so raw that anything > close to the issue triggers him into all out fear etc. > The best thing you can do is try to make him feel as safe as possible. This > might mean trying to steer him out of situations that trigger associations > to the trauma, as well as any situations which will make him feel pressured. > If you get him safe, he will be more likely to go for help, but probably > only when he understands a bit more about what is happening. Try to be > gentle. Getting help quickly is of huge importance, but go easy so you don’t > freak him out. You don’t want therapy to be a trigger issue if you can help > it. > Padding the way could start with something as simple as you talking with a > friend who has had therapy and made some really good life-changes as a > result. Whatever you do though, it will have to be handled with care. > And be aware that there is something called secondary trauma too. His trauma > will ripple through those around him like dominoes, so even if he won’t get > help, maybe *you* getting some support will mean that he will see the > benefits and also enable you to remain more stable for him. Dealing with > full on trauma can be very exacting and the human body is not designed to > withstand prolonged exposure – that means your body as well as his. > Either way, it sounds like you could both do with some support – preferably > with someone who understands trauma enough to recognise that it can exert > profound changes in the body. With true PTSD, there are changes in hormonal > flow and other symptoms. > To give you a real idea of PTSD, imagine this next time he flares up at the > simplest thing. Imagine he has stepped out of a car wreck and landed in your > living room. common sense tells all of us that the person would be in a > state of shock, which is a physical state, not only a mental or emotional > one. And we all know it isn’t very easy to function properly in such > circumstances. We wouldn’t expect it of a person. > He may not be at that state yet, but even so it could get that way and it is > not a fun way to live, let me tell you. The stress reactions sound as though > they are there in his body, hopefully not continuously yet. If you catch it > now, as Chech has suggested, then you really can save yourselves from a > really difficult journey down the line. > Full trauma is a physiological experience that cannot be talked out of, > reasoned out of. It doesn’t just go away no matter how hard you try. It has > to be dealt with properly, because it is so physiologically based. Not > dealing with it is like neglecting a bullet wound or a broken leg. It is a > physical issue, nothing to do with pride or manliness or strength, and the > more those around him understand all this, the more likely it will be that > he will be able to go for help. He still is the man he was, it is just that > his body is in shock at present. Getting help should change that, so do try, > please. > Good luck! Try to make things as safe as possible – that is the key! > If you have any questions, come back and don’t be shy to ask ) > Cary

Response:

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