Trauma – PTSD

Question:

I can only describe the worst of how I feel as like being in a state of shock all the time. its worse when I first wake up. One of the most unfortunate things which I feel may be attributable to PTSD is the fact that when I watch something where someone is made to suffer at the hands of someone else I feel that suffering and I have to switch off. I use to really enjoy action movies, but cant any more. Also when I do actually feel at peace and relax (not that I have done for a long time)  then I get the most incredibly vivid flashbacks. I did not know of PTSD before I saw a program about first world war veterans suffering from it. I can relate to the way that one chap only felt at peace when he was doing something like painting in a day care centre. Like them I feel desperate for something to take my mind of things. Trouble is everyday life things remind me of it all. Unfortunately it has been at the hands of the mental health professionals that I suffered a traumatic experience worse than I could ever possibly imagined. this was 4 years ago. I often find that I cant actually believe that this is not all a dream. When I realise it isn’t a dream I feel awful. I have had undiagnosed and untreated ADHD all my life – I am sure of that,however in the UK this condition is laughed at by MOST medical professionals. This is a bad enough thing to cope with. However I started to suffer from such debilitating tiredness. This was first put down to depression. I had years of unsuccessful treatment with various antidepressants (which generally made things worse). The only treatment that had been at all successful is Ritalin which is prescribed for both narcolepsy and ADHD both of which I seem to have significant symptoms, and it is extremely effective, but they wouldn’t prescribe that for more than a week, Then I ended up in psychiatric hospital. I still wish I had rather died than go through what I did then. The things that I feel really affect me I don’t seem to be able to talk about, but basically they thought I was lying about my problems just to get the stimulants. I was too tired to really look after myself. I have had access to Ritalin on and off over the last few years. It completely alleviates the initial problems I had but I find I cant cope with anything. While I am on it I feel I am paranoid about the prospect of it being withdrawn. However this has happened several times now, the effect of which is unbearable, and caused me to become immediately suicidal. The medical profession refuse to admit that they could have possibly done anything to cause such suffering and therefore are unwilling to accept that I have anything like PTSD as a result. Not that I can actually cope with seeing another medical professional now anyway. Instead they explain all my problems with ever increasing disturbing mental conditions and saying I am paranoid, delusional etc. apparently, because I am making such a fuss about something that didn’t happen I must be paranoid and/or delusional, therefore this is what the problem is – and because I am paranoid/delusional I am making it all up and therefore it didn’t really happen. – and they think I’m delusional !!!! I find I have no hope at all most of the time, but it is some comfort to discover this newsgroup. Fragile_Kitten AT rowec.screaming.net Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/

Response:

I’m ‘glad you’ve found comfort here, although it is not something to give you as much as real life will.  Your perserverance is to be admired and I hope that you are able to continue and receive the pay-off.  For me it took years of depression cycles and then anxiety attacks to get the right diagnosis.  The right medication has made a big difference, but I am still left to deal with the recalling of painful events.  Most of those were blocked off completely.   Knowing that watching violence is upsetting to you is a good way of taking control.  Knowing what other things bother or trigger you is part of getting better and you are doing that. I’m sorry that you qualify to be here, but I’m glad you found us.  I hope you gain more comfort as time goes on and you find someone to listen to you and treat you. Kristine

Response:

Fragile, I’m sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time with this. It ain’t easy, but there is hope. Unfortunately, when we surround ourselves with people just like us for comfort, the negative side is that we don’t see how people manage to struggle through with success. I’m so sorry that people who are morally, ethically, and legally obligated to care for people would treat you badly. It isn’t right. You didn’t deserve a minute of it. You do sound hopeful about seeking out help for yourself, and that’s definitely a good sign. The beauty of therapy is that it really doesn’t matter if what happened is real, or imagined. That I believe things happened to me, and in a certain way is what affects my thinking, moods, and reactions. Even if your doctor wants to think you’re concocting stories, you can still work through you traumas. Support for me isn’t just about agreeing with someone, but encouraging them to do what they want and acknowledging their experience. Your comments about being triggered by violent images hits home for me. Mine is about people being held captive. The natural reaction is to shy away from those situations. I want to challenge you a bit here. There are therapy styles that deal with confronting triggers, and working through the aftermath. I get the impression that you would still like to watch movies and enjoy them the way you once did. So I encourage you to do what you want to do, and find ways not to give into the fear, terror, and panic that creep up in an instant. I’ve learned that living life avoiding everything that sets me off isn’t a life worth much living. It’s safer, and that feels good. The negative side is there isn’t really anything much to enjoy once we finish protecting ourselves in every conceivable way. Good luck. I hope you write, and often.

Response:

I can only describe the worst of how I feel as like being in a state of shock all the time. its worse when I first wake up. One of the most unfortunate things which I feel may be attributable to PTSD is the fact that when I watch something where someone is made to suffer at the hands of someone else I feel that suffering and I have to switch off. I use to really enjoy action movies, but cant any more. Also when I do actually feel at peace and relax (not that I have done for a long time)  then I get the most incredibly vivid flashbacks. I did not know of PTSD before I saw a program about first world war veterans suffering from it. I can relate to the way that one chap only felt at peace when he was doing something like painting in a day care centre. Like them I feel desperate for something to take my mind of things. Trouble is everyday life things remind me of it all. Unfortunately it has been at the hands of the mental health professionals that I suffered a traumatic experience worse than I could ever possibly imagined. this was 4 years ago. I often find that I cant actually believe that this is not all a dream. When I realise it isn’t a dream I feel awful. I have had undiagnosed and untreated ADHD all my life – I am sure of that, however in the UK this condition is laughed at by MOST medical professionals. This is a bad enough thing to cope with. However I started to suffer from such debilitating tiredness. This was first put down to depression. I had years of unsuccessful treatment with various antidepressants (which generally made things worse). The only treatment that had been at all successful is Ritalin which is prescribed for both narcolepsy and ADHD both of which I seem to have significant symptoms, and it is extremely effective, but they wouldn’t prescribe that for more than a week, Then I ended up in psychiatric hospital. I still wish I had rather died than go through what I did then. The things that I feel really affect me I don’t seem to be able to talk about, but basically they thought I was lying about my problems just to get the stimulants. I was too tired to really look after myself. I have had access to Ritalin on and off over the last few years. It completely alleviates the initial problems I had but I find I cant cope with anything. While I am on it I feel I am paranoid about the prospect of it being withdrawn. However this has happened several times now, the effect of which is unbearable, and caused me to become immediately suicidal. The medical profession refuse to admit that they could have possibly done anything to cause such suffering and therefore are unwilling to accept that I have anything like PTSD as a result. Not that I can actually cope with seeing another medical professional now anyway. Instead they explain all my problems with ever increasing disturbing mental conditions and saying I am paranoid, delusional etc. apparently, because I am making such a fuss about something that didn’t happen I must be paranoid and/or delusional, therefore this is what the problem is – and because I am paranoid/delusional I am making it all up and therefore it didn’t really happen. – and they think I’m delusional !!!! I find I have no hope at all most of the time, but it is some comfort to discover this newsgroup. Fragile_Kitten AT rowec DOT screaming DOT net Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/

Response:

Welcome Fragile Kitten There are some good links for information about PTSD at the FAQ page that you might like to check out: http://astpfaq.tripod.com/astpfaq/ I have constant contact with people in the UK that describe the same thing concerning the mental health system – so you’re not alone. The internet is an invaluable resource for learning about the disorder and sharing experiences that we thought only happened to us – only to learn that others experience the exact same thing. I hope we can continue to be helpful. .. In article <94unng$s4…@nnrp1.deja.com>, – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -  fragile_kit…@my-deja.com wrote: > I can only describe the worst of how I feel as like being in a state of > shock all the time. its worse when I first wake up. > One of the most unfortunate things which I feel may be attributable to > PTSD is the fact that when I watch something where someone is made to > suffer at the hands of someone else I feel that suffering and I have to > switch off. I use to really enjoy action movies, but cant any more. > Also when I do actually feel at peace and relax (not that I have done > for a long time)  then I get the most incredibly vivid flashbacks. > I did not know of PTSD before I saw a program about first world war > veterans suffering from it. I can relate to the way that one chap only > felt at peace when he was doing something like painting in a day care > centre. Like them I feel desperate for something to take my mind of > things. Trouble is everyday life things remind me of it all. > Unfortunately it has been at the hands of the mental health > professionals that I suffered a traumatic experience worse than I could > ever possibly imagined. this was 4 years ago. I often find that I cant > actually believe that this is not all a dream. When I realise it isn’t > a dream I feel awful. > I have had undiagnosed and untreated ADHD all my life – I am sure of > that,however in the UK this condition is laughed at by MOST medical > professionals. This is a bad enough thing to cope with. However I > started to suffer from such debilitating tiredness. This was first put > down to depression. I had years of unsuccessful treatment with various > antidepressants (which generally made things worse). > The only treatment that had been at all successful is Ritalin which is > prescribed for both narcolepsy and ADHD both of which I seem to have > significant symptoms, and it is extremely effective, but they wouldn’t > prescribe that for more than a week, > Then I ended up in psychiatric hospital. I still wish I had rather died > than go through what I did then. The things that I feel really affect > me I don’t seem to be able to talk about, but basically they thought I > was lying about my problems just to get the stimulants. I was too tired > to really look after myself. > I have had access to Ritalin on and off over the last few years. It > completely alleviates the initial problems I had but I find I cant cope > with anything. While I am on it I feel I am paranoid about the prospect > of it being withdrawn. However this has happened several times now, the > effect of which is unbearable, and caused me to become immediately > suicidal. > The medical profession refuse to admit that they could have possibly > done anything to cause such suffering and therefore are unwilling to > accept that I have anything like PTSD as a result. Not that I can > actually cope with seeing another medical professional now anyway. > Instead they explain all my problems with ever increasing disturbing > mental conditions and saying I am paranoid, delusional etc. > apparently, because I am making such a fuss about something that didn’t > happen I must be paranoid and/or delusional, therefore this is what the > problem is – and because I am paranoid/delusional I am making it all up > and therefore it didn’t really happen. – and they think I’m > delusional !!!! > I find I have no hope at all most of the time, but it is some comfort to > discover this newsgroup. > Fragile_Kitten AT rowec.screaming.net > Sent via Deja.com > http://www.deja.com/

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