Question:
HI Helski, i’m so sorry for what you and your daughter have been going through right now…i’ve been there—->l_pandora’s box_l and it’s a phase, one of those hurdles…hope i could be there with you physically to help you out coping…keep the faith~*super-mom*~ i believe in you (((+))) take care leah y.
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Thankyou Leah! Helski
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Hi Helski. you’re welcome dear…i’m proud of you for nurturing patiently and the unconditional love you’ve given to your daughter, she’s precious ((~+~)) just like the mom. *cherish the moment* leah y.
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I dont know about the "isnt sure its PTSD". If it arose after a traumatic incident it is PTSD. Some therapists still say that if the incident wasnt life threatening, it isnt, but that idea is thankfully going out. Anything traumatic for you, that you cant stop thinking about it trauma. Its important that if you feel traumatised by an event, you get treatment for that event. Estelle
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>So, from what you are saying, it sounds like you went through the whole
process two times, is that right? How long did that take, it must have been 2-3 years minimum? What was your injury, it sounds like something to do with your neck or was it PTSD related?<< Rick, I’m glad to hear you have an attorney and yes, it is true, they treat you much differently when you have representation. Good for you and I hope you have a favorable decision quickly after your hearing. I was a legal secretary for years and am familiar with litigation but not SSDI. Its a different ballgame. As for me, I applied years ago for my back due to a doubling of my scoliotic curvature after I gave birth. The curve got worse, it twisted, and I have chronic myofascial pain spasms constantly. Nice big bands of rock hard muscle that are stuck on spasm. Not a good thing. My first application was for this condition. It left me unable to sit (back spasmed), type (fingers tingled and went numb), or function under the stress in a litigation law office (it is high and bodies react to that.) Applying last year was for my back (it was worse than before, but not enough), my replaced hip (which forced an extension in my leg of 1" and that hurt like hell) and for PTSD. I was part of an excellent pilot program that had one worker for all issues (benefits, medical records and some other area I forget). She told me that under the federal case established by "Chavez" that I was a "special case" and that unless my back had worsened considerably that I would be denied. She found my PTSD to be overwhelmingly documented, found in my favor, sent me to an independent exam, got pulled by headquarters just for the hell of it and then THEY finally approved me too. Whole thing took from 6/00 to 1/01 when I got some money. I was approved in 5 months and I didn’t hire an attorney. God bless ‘em they provided for a legitimately disabled person! The income makes a huge difference for me (I earned a good income) and I am relieved to now have this time to deal with my PTSD head-on. My neck and back are still very much a problem and if I get reviewed I plan on making that an additional issue. Its hard to figure out what else I could do…but I figure treatment for me is what I need to focus on now. That and the added joy of being home for my child =) So, that’s my story…fortunate in the end but it sucked big time the first go round. I returned to work and could only work sporadically, temping or free-lancing. Kristine The unexamined life is not worth living – Socrates
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Hey Brah, hang loose to you too! LOL yeah, such as life…sometimes i’ve thought about being human can’t be so bad at all. given the *chance* to perceiver, trials and tribulations that i’m coping with (((+))) …i’m not going to give up, because i’m a *survivor* just like a soldier…never dies keeps on fighting…fighting for survival… LOL ( i may just fade away someday but my …legacy lives on because i’ll make sure that as long i’ve lived, make a difference in someone’s lives who’d lost hope…the way i’ve demonstrated or practice my *survivors skills as PTSD sufferer, my goal is to… motivated them to stand up…fights for his/her rights for existence through *Healing*+) ~~*the power of mind*~~keep the faith~~+~~ cherish the moment<*>because you’re precious ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ bro, hi again…by the way—sun.at 4pm–6:00– two hrs, henry kapono is performing at _dukes_ *you sure, been there lately?! LOL ALOHA leah y.
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Hi BaliKris & Rick! > I hope yours goes better and that you’ll > consider an attorney. I know it sucks to let them have a portion, but it may > help you win.
Here in Cleveland, we have attorneys who specialize in these cases (SSD & SSDI). The one I’ve spoken to said that, after I was turned down the first time, she would help me with my appeal … at no cost to me. From what I understood, the attorney is prohibited from collecting from the person doing the appealing and is paid directly by the govt. YMMV Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
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Hey Bro, my own psych-analysis may i present leah y.
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Rick, This is my fear with my own daughter who is going through panic attacks at 15 1/2 years old. I have just found out that she was having night panic attacks starting with dissociation when she was ages 7 8 9! Helski
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Leah wrote: >Hey Bro, >my own psych-analysis may i present
Mm-hmm, present away, Leah. It’s a mystery to me as to how some people can ‘cope’ with the after-effects of life’s in-coming rounds, and not others, like ourselves. Hopefully after I begin therapy I’ll learn why I isolate so much (returning to the safety of the womb?) and bury my anger (afraid of what/when/where I might do sumthin’, to some thing/place/one?), or why my head whips at the slightest noise, or why I get/quit three or four new jobs a year, if I work at all, or why most of my friends are memories, or why I move more often than seems humanly possible, or why I sit for hours at a stretch, days at a time, months into years….and all the other stuff, too. ps – I like Henry Kapono, too, he plays at Duke’s, right? Cecilio and Kapono was a fine band a long time ago, hang loose sistah. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Brovet >~still cra-zy after all these years~
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>The third time is in front of a judge and I will have my best chance there. >>
Rick, that’s how far I got on the first application and for what its worth I would highly recommend you get an attorney to represent you there (if you don’t already have one.) In my case, I showed up w/out any attorney and there was an "expert witness" that was a sports medicine doc that had just read my records, never examining me. I lost. The judge put a lot of weight on what his expert said and I realized that this "expert" hung around these SSDI judicial hearings and testified in many of them. I hope yours goes better and that you’ll consider an attorney. I know it sucks to let them have a portion, but it may help you win. Just a thought. Kristine
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Hi, i may have suffered PTSD while i was still in my mother’s womb…my mother must have suffered severe *emotional-abuse* from my dad’s infidelity, the other woman got pregnant while after i was about three months conceived…there wasn’t any other way for me to avoid being around that environment…as far as i can recall since age 5, i was experiencing the symptoms of *oppositional defiance*, that was tough for me and my mom because we’re like in the middle of the tag of war and so many times until i was in my late teens…i was very sensitive, easily get hurt and paranoid that my mother doesn’t love me enough as my brother and two sisters…i was very insecure,feeling of inadequate that everything i did wasn’t as good as my siblings…i assumed that when my mom was pregnant with me, she must have been really depressed and i was affected by her mental structure or psychological disabilities …who knows maybe my dad shoved her, i never seen my dad physically assaulted her but he did verbally and emotionally abuse her and us kids too. we’re scared of him…he’s the living dead! the self-centered-beast (-^-) has no soul ..has no conscience and all he care’s his own narcissistic image…a typical abuser’s profile. of course i grew up being in rage the most far from normal compared to rest of our family. please someone give me some insight about my latest *suppress memory recall* thanks~ appreciate gratefully~ ~*the power of mind*~ cherish the moment<*>because we’re precious. leah y.
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Rick, I’m sickened to hear that SSDI is such an ordeal for you. I went thru a 2+ year ordeal when I applied the first time. It was hell and it took the fight out of me at some point. Got back on the horse and tried, only to re-file a couple years later. Fortunately it was quickly granted. You mentioned the feelings of doing something wrong as a child…I don’t ever remember being surprised by the rage. The abuse was just there and it was reality. I think you’re correct (and this comes from reading, not just my own stuff) in that re-traumatized people have a harder time than do those who grew up with nurtured coping skills modeled by their folks. Here’s to your warrior Rick…imagine him RED. Kristine The unexamined life is not worth living – Socrates
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Hi Joanne, good to hear you’re getting good (+) *feed-back* from your therapist. i’ve seen mine today and i really felt good after the session. he specialized on ptsd (works with vets hosp.here) guess i got lucky! he’s like my surrogate dad+~ ..my own father wasn’t there for me since i was conceived because he had someone else carry his baby when i was about three months-utero. darn, i assumed that was my first dissociation- detached from biological/emotional setting ‘cuz my mom was freaking out on her dysfunctional space-rejection-abandonment-low-self-esteem and i picked up all that psyche-chaotic phase* that must be the reason i’m seeing my found*+* father-figure psychiatrist. thank god…miracles do work in mysterious ways! ironically, my doc has to shift to different specialty, this time he will be practicing pediatric-psychiatry though i’m going to miss him dearly but i’m looking forward for my own recovery so i must accept the facts, my doc likes giving me opportunity to embraced adhd-anxiety/panic attack-ocd-ptsd-dissociation wow, yeah my eccentricity and my creative way of coping…thanks for my adhd-i’ve learned the use of most outrageous imaginations to hinder any short-comings dealing with my condition. ((*+*)) i must move on~but i still do have to take *my weep-wit-wack-pill* ~> got to move on for life’s to short~>aaaahhh~the power of mind*X* cherish the moment take care leah y.
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Leah wrote: >i may have suffered PTSD while i was still in my >mother’s womb…my mother must have suffered >severe *emotional-abuse* from >my dad’s infidelity, the other woman got >pregnant while after i was about three months >conceived…
Hi, Leah, I too wonder if babies develop a predisposition toward PTSD, or similar brain chemical imbalances, as a result of their mother’s adrenalin levels during pregnancy. It’d be an interesting study to read, huh? Wonder if anyone’s compiled one yet? Hello Google.:-) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Brovet >~still cra-zy after all these years~
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Hi Rick, My father( step father) had that same effect.If we opened our mouth at the dinner table a hand would go up as a threat and a death stare and words of threat would be cast at my sister and me. Trigger maybe for some****** If I walked past him reading the news paper at night I would be humiliated and castigated b/c i cast a shadow over the page as I walked past.He would pull me so hard by my ear when I was around 3/4/5 if I did not do something correctly in his eyes.I never understood what I had done wrong.It used to come as such a shock.Me and sister were forced to eat our pet rabbit in a casserole.I was forced to clean freshly axed chickens entrails whilst being sick and panicky.I was laughed a and called weak. I would have to weed the garden for 2 hours when I was 7/8/9/10.I used to have such bad back aches.By 11years doctors had discovered I was suffereing from discitis of the 4th and 5th lumbar and I was placed in traction ,flat on my back for 2 months.I wore a brace for 12 months and had to learn to walk again. Trouble is we couldn’t work out if my real father was to blame b/c he dropped me on my head and apparently he abused me from 0-2. in afct he came to my school when I was 6 and tried to steal me away and took all these photos.I was terrified for years after when I saw a Hillman car. It just goes on and on. BUT of course these very screwd up men so-called fathers loved me.They were cruel plain and simple.Sadistic plain and simple. Too much to mention. Oh– throw in sexual abuse by 3 different men at varying ages and there you have a recipe for ? I must discuss this with my shrink.It seems to have spewed out tonight sorry.No wonder my shrink says I have Complex PTSD that is intermeshed with my growing up and my motor bike accident!!! BTW I do not have anything to do with either of them( fathers) anymore. Battling on as per usual.My girl isn’t too good. Helski
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Joanne, Not sure if your therapist is on the ball there.It is difficult I know ,to find a suitable on e. IME dissociation isn’t a must in diagnosis. Therapists here that is psychologists are really not too clued up on ptsd.I would have a hard time trusting one these days.I have heard of the other extreme that when a client presents with nightmares and anxiety and depression they are handed a PTSD diagnosis. I trust my psychiatrist only. Everyone has their own boundaries and issues in this area I realise tho.:-) Helski
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Hi Joanne! > I’m curious about her mention that you might not be dissociating > enough for ptsd. According to the diagnostic criteria, dissociation > isn’t even a requirement for diagnosis – it is one of a list of > several types of "re-experiencing" the trauma – but only one out of > the list is required as a minimum. You don’t necessarily need to be > dissociative to meet that criteria. > You can read the diagnostic criteria in the FAQ.
I’m with cloud dreamer … I hadn’t heard this particular idea before. Dissociating isn’t necessary for re-experiencing the trauma as far as I know … lots of women I’ve met with PTSD don’t do as good a job as I do with dissociating. :/ Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
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I’ve discussed the same thing with my therapist, that there was no "me" ever. The "me" that should’ve been was killed in spirit before "she" had a chance to develop, that’s why I questioned if those who acquired ptsd later in life, after childhood, also became so fragmented? And also, if those who got it later felt the same deep, painful hole inside that nothing ever even begins to fill? I remember once telling my therapist, after a suicide attempt, that the pain from that "hole" just got so huge and hurt so bad that I just had to stop it somehow. I just couldn’t take it anymore. And also we talked about how I tolerate physical pain better than most people. I think it’s because the emotional pain inside is so great that nothing physical could ever come close to matching it. tiny dancer "BaliKris" <balik…@aol.comzipspam> wrote in message
news:20010608011554.19006.00001988@ng-fi1.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > Pretty amazing man, my father, > >he has the ability to make other children sick, children who don’t > >have to be around him. Lovely man, my father. I hope he is proud of > >the fear and anxiety he could cause. > Mine too Rick. I remember a different thread wherein you said how you were > blamed for causing their problems by being born. I heard that from day one > (maybe even in utero when he shoved her down the stairs to abort me.) > I’ve been reading PTSD material and there is a push by some (Judith Herman is > one I believe) to make an additional DSM disorder which would constitute "early > onset chronic PTSD and malformation." Because when I think about it, there is > no ME before trauma. A lot of the literature discusses this "before the trauma" > and I just can’t relate. I do believe there is a difference in the PTSD > suffered by those malformed and those that suffered traumas later in life. My > opinion though, and not in the DSM yet. > I’m sorry Rick. Its totally wrong to be brought up with the derision of being a > wrecker of life. I’m with you when you said words to the effect of "I wasn’t > the one sticking it in her and conceiving myself." > I heard that for so long that many parts of myself were convinced I was > responsible for ruining my father’s life, therefore I deserved to be punished. > I know now that isn’t true, but not on all levels yet. > Kristine > The unexamined life is not worth living – Socrates
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Hi all, I finally got in to see the therapist and after all the worrying it went very well. It was an hour session that went for 1 1/2 hours. I like her alot better than my last therpist. She is actually doing something rather than just sitting and chatting. But the therpist isn’t sure if its ptsd or not. She doesn’t think i dissociate enough for it to be ptsd. i guess I’ll just have to wait and see how the next appointment goes. i go back in two weeks. Joanne
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Hi Joanne, It’s always good to get a new therapist. Getting a good one is like taking the medication – all trial and error. Too bad it takes so long to figure out whether or not one is working out or not. I’m curious about her mention that you might not be dissociating enough for ptsd. According to the diagnostic criteria, dissociation isn’t even a requirement for diagnosis – it is one of a list of several types of "re-experiencing" the trauma – but only one out of the list is required as a minimum. You don’t necessarily need to be dissociative to meet that criteria. You can read the diagnostic criteria in the FAQ. Good luck .. View the AST-PTSD FAQ @ http://astpfaq.tripod.com/astpfaq/ – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"Joanne Johnson" <za…@worldnet.att.net> wrote in message <news:q6MT6.68422$4f7.5190898@bgtnsc06-news.ops.worldnet.att.net>… > Hi all, > I finally got in to see the therapist and after all the worrying it went > very well. It was an hour session that went for 1 1/2 hours. I like her > alot better than my last therpist. She is actually doing something rather > than just sitting and chatting. But the therpist isn’t sure if its ptsd or > not. She doesn’t think i dissociate enough for it to be ptsd. i guess I’ll > just have to wait and see how the next appointment goes. i go back in two > weeks. > Joanne
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> Pretty amazing man, my father, >he has the ability to make other children sick, children who don’t >have to be around him. Lovely man, my father. I hope he is proud of >the fear and anxiety he could cause.
Mine too Rick. I remember a different thread wherein you said how you were blamed for causing their problems by being born. I heard that from day one (maybe even in utero when he shoved her down the stairs to abort me.) I’ve been reading PTSD material and there is a push by some (Judith Herman is one I believe) to make an additional DSM disorder which would constitute "early onset chronic PTSD and malformation." Because when I think about it, there is no ME before trauma. A lot of the literature discusses this "before the trauma" and I just can’t relate. I do believe there is a difference in the PTSD suffered by those malformed and those that suffered traumas later in life. My opinion though, and not in the DSM yet. I’m sorry Rick. Its totally wrong to be brought up with the derision of being a wrecker of life. I’m with you when you said words to the effect of "I wasn’t the one sticking it in her and conceiving myself." I heard that for so long that many parts of myself were convinced I was responsible for ruining my father’s life, therefore I deserved to be punished. I know now that isn’t true, but not on all levels yet. Kristine The unexamined life is not worth living – Socrates
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