Question:
Still spacing out and not taking in new memories. Ihave started writing my dreams down every morning and then rereading them during the day. It might help me because in my dreams I can experience emotion I cant feel when Im awake. I also realize its a retrieval problem not a memory problem. I can remember something Ive done when its written down as say in a diary, but without that everything in the past is a blank. I still go over and over the events. I cant stop myself and wonder if instead of trying not to do it, I force myself to keep doing it. It might just wear out the compulsion. Any comments estelle
Response:
Estelle, You say you have had PTSD for 35 yrs? I haven’t been on this ng very long, and may have missed other posts of yours, but is this a recent thing that could have been triggered by something, or have you been spacing out and having memory gaps for a long time? I have heard that PTSD and depression both can cause short term memory loss, not permanent. I think your idea of writing in the diary is a good one. At least you have the assurance that the memories are there, but just not getting through. Not to dis medications either, because I’m taking them too, but I’ve also heard that some anti-anxiety medications can cause short term memory loss as well. Still, if this is something recent, maybe you can find out what may have triggered it. I think it’s old knowledge that the mind has its ways of protecting people from things they can’t handle at the moment. There could be so many reasons. In reference to your other post, maybe a group might be a good thing for you right now. You could actively talk about what is going on right now (or for a long time), and that might help your memory and your spacing out. I "lose time" too, and my doctor tells me that it’s a stress reaction as a result of PTSD. It’s a scary thing, being one place one minute and someplace else in another time, without knowing quite how you got there. Hang in there, Jenn
Response:
Just an addition that may sort of clarify the length of time between an event and the onset of PTSD. Only last year I happened to be in a hall which had an honor roll on the wall. I cant even recall what the honor roll was for, but there I saw a name Harold Walklate. dec. I stood there and just looked at this name and then left and vomitted outside. It all came back to me that he was a scout leader when I was ten years old who molested me. I was able to recall the room it occurred in, the hour of the day, the precise details of everything that occurred..even down to telling my father afterwards, who said forget it, although I did wonder why I never saw this scout master after this happened ever again. There is a gap of 30 years between the event and the recall. I recall this almost daily now, but after seeing the abbreviation…dec. after his name…I feel better knowing that he is now dead and unable to harm anymore children. I dont know if this helps clear things slightly or muddy them even more, but it was something that I had blocked for 30 years and then whoosh, back it came Bruce..
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After 3.5 years, that seems to have worked for me. EddaB wrote: [snippet] >I still go over and over the events. I cant stop myself and wonder if >instead >of trying not to do it, I force myself to keep doing it. It might just wear >out the compulsion. >Any comments >estelle
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Response:
At the moment I am trying a new idea. Trying to get my memory and feelings back by working on dreams and exploring the space between waking and sleeping. In my dreams I can get back to emotion I cant feel when awake. This makes sense because the brain chemicals of stress and PTSD may only turn on wake up.. I keep a notebad under my pillow and write down my dreams and go back to them when during the day.. I also try and remember the dream before I get up, drift into the half awake state and sometimes manage to explore emotional and physical sensations that are gone when I wake. .
Response:
I too tried to remember through dreams. I got good information that let me on a good path to follow, but please beware that dreams are distortions and influenced by many factors. I was told not to end my search for my self there, but to use it as a starting point. Dace – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -EddaB wrote: > At the moment I am trying a new idea. Trying to get my memory and feelings > back by working on dreams and exploring the space between waking and sleeping. > In my dreams I can get back to emotion I cant feel when awake. This makes > sense because the brain chemicals of stress and PTSD may only turn on wake > up.. I keep a notebad under my pillow and write down my dreams and go back to > them when during the day.. I also try and remember the dream before I get up, > drift into the half awake state and sometimes manage to explore emotional and > physical sensations that are gone when I wake. .
Response:
My husband went through a study conducted at V.A. and I would like info pertaining to any similar studies on ptsd. ROSE
Response:
Rose, Everyone who receives care at any VA is, whether they know it or not, going through some study or other. I’ve been a subject in as many as 4 PTSD studies at one time. If your husband asks the VA, they by law are required to inform him of any studies or tests he is a part of during his treatment. In fact they are supposed to get his written permission prior to including him. If you could come up with a specific study perhaps someone could give you the info you are looking for. RLowe Rose@SCham12480 wrote in message
<1998090615125800.LAA08…@ladder03.news.aol.com>… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->My husband went through a study conducted at V.A. and I would like info >pertaining to any similar studies on ptsd. >ROSE
Response:
As far as I am concerned, anybody that goes to the VA IS an experiment or a guinea pig! That has been my experience with them anyway. For the most part, I pay for my own meds, and go to most of my own private doctors. Sincerely, Luanne
Response:
Luanne Pruesner wrote in message <35F3ED3C.FA50D…@prodigy.net>… >As far as I am concerned, anybody that goes to the VA IS an experiment >or a guinea pig! That has been my experience with them anyway. > >Sincerely, >Luanne
Luanne, I guess on the whole, I agree with your assessment of the VA. However, I will point out that on an individual basis there are many good and caring health care professionals working in the VA system. My major problem with receiving EFFECTIVE care from the VA for my PTSD is their appalling lack of continuity of care. As I’m sure you’re aware, the trust factor is an integral part of any successful treatment or therapy. I have not, in the last 6 or years, been able to keep a therapist for more than six months at a time before they move on and I have to start at basically ground zero again…and again and again. I’ve spoken on several occasions to department heads and chief Physicians about this and have been given a good deal of very positive lip service and nothing else. I don’t have any answers but want to let you know that you,re not alone in your frustrated dealings with the VA system. Don’t let them wear you down. The VA is a megalithic bureaucracy of the first order and as such isn’t nearly as efficient a provider of care as a private doctor or therapist might be. I guess it’s just the nature of the beast. At least you are lucky enough to have the financial resources to go private. Many people don’t. Good luck and may God bless. RLowe
Response:
Heck no, I can’t necessarily afford to pay a private doc. I go through the County to get my Effexor, Xanax, and Vestyrel. I went to a regular physician for my migraine headaches. Sincerely, Luanne
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