Trauma – PTSD

Question:

I have a question for anyone who’s done inner child therapy: Has anyone experienced this: in the initial stages of therapy, their inner child is unreachable – either limp, stares unseeing, slips out of the adult’s arms, etc. If so, has anyone had any success in reaching their child? And if so, could anyone make any suggestions as to how they reached that child, brought them back to life? Thanks in advance. Hannah

Response:

Hannah. <blha…@hotmail.com> wrote in message

news:B710DEC6.F27%blhage8@hotmail.com… > I have a question for anyone who’s done inner child therapy: > Has anyone experienced this: in the initial stages of therapy, their inner > child is unreachable – either limp, stares unseeing, slips out of the > adult’s arms, etc. > If so, has anyone had any success in reaching their child? And if so, could > anyone make any suggestions as to how they reached that child, brought them > back to life?

Hi Hannah I used to do I.C. work. Basically, this just sounds like a quite typical expression of trauma and low confidence. The point to remember is that you HAVE reached your inner child if they have shown up at all! Anything beyond that is something being expressed, so all is working well. Work on other aspects of self ripple through and reach the Inner Child anyway. You may find that doing something you really feel safe with, and then just closing your eyes and asking the IC to take form may tempt it more into the limelight. The IC is primarily a focus, a projected image of part of your consciousness. At the moment, it sounds like your IC has a restricted range of expression, probably because it first wants you to acknowledge a trauma or just how low it feels etc. The child is HIGHLY responsive, so don’t worry. If you allow, it will soon express a willingness to trust. One way to get things moving is to ask the child to take a new form in your mind, a form which expresses one of it’s feelings. It might be positive, if so absorb it. If not, well ask what gift is needed to enable this negative to transform into a positive. Exchange gifts or colours or whatever comes to mind. There are no rules with the IC so let it be playful if that is the way it wants to go. You are the child, so if you are there, it will be too! Things are not as hard as they seem! The child part of you is a genius, so let it be itself and learn just to play with it in your quiet times. Just work on building the dialogue and exchange of symbols or information. The spontaneous realisations that can spring from this kind of work are often simple yet staggering. Don’t judge it, just let it flow A key point to remember is that the child is a focus of lots of experiences – good and bad. The child has a wider repertoire than any adult part of yourself, simply because it is less indoctrinated by the process of adulthood. When an IC first appears as you are describing, it is often a way of that part of your consciousness saying, ‘hang on, you haven’t given me enough attention!’ Often the child wants a couple of gifts or whatever, just to get things flowing. An example: child forms as unhappy toddler Ask child if it would like to tell you something Listen, if nothing comes, tell it you are going to give it a gift, but want to give something it would like – what is it? It can be anything, a colour, a tree or whatever. Then visualise yourself in possession of that thing and send it in your imagination to that child, see it receiving it and watch for the change that will come, because it will. You may benefit from doing this quite often if your child is hesitant. Another way you can work is simply asking the ‘trust’ or ’safety’  the child needs to take a form (again it can be anything!) and then just visualise sending that to the child. Notice how it is received, through the hands, the heart or whatever. It is all relevant. I suggest keeping a journal for these exercises as there will be definite progression. People can scoff at such work, but all it boils down to in essence is sending a signal from one part of your consciousness to another that there is love and safety. The more ways we do that, the more balanced we may become. It makes sense, especially when we know that the brain changes structure according to experience, real or imagined.. . . . . er, I really should do it more often! Good luck! Cary Charles http:www.cary.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk

Response:

Hi Cary – Thank you so much for your reply and for so much helpful information. This is all new to me, so I especially appreciate how concrete and specific your ideas are. It’s been really helpful, thank you so much. Hannah

Response:

Cary Charles wrote: > People can scoff at such work, but all it boils down to in essence is > sending a signal from one part of your consciousness to another that there > is love and safety. The more ways we do that, the more balanced we may > become. It makes sense, especially when we know that the brain changes > structure according to experience, real or imagined.. . . . . er, I really > should do it more often!

Welcome Cary, I wouldn’t say that I scoff at this therapy style, only that I don’t understand the mechanism that makes it work. I guess it is around how people think in different ways. I’m a very logical thinker, who likes directness. I have a good imagination, but visualization is too passive an approach for me. For me, its a similar difference to watching tv passively and actively participating in a conversation. I’m very glad that this style works for you. I’m curious about how it works in actual situations. The style that I use allows me to use it on the fly. I can do it anywhere, anytime, in my head, or on paper. I wonder how this works for you in a trigger situation.

Response:

Hannah. <blha…@hotmail.com> wrote in message

news:B71104C9.F2F%blhage8@hotmail.com… > Thank you so much for your reply and for so much helpful information. This > is all new to me, so I especially appreciate how concrete and specific your > ideas are. > It’s been really helpful, thank you so much.

Ah I am really pleased to have helped. Keep with it. It is a very revealing process and you can be as playful as you like – that’s is the whole point. IC work, in many ways, is about allowing the creative part of self to come forward and be more integrated and available. It is NEVER a matter of whether one has a creative part of self. Always a matter of simply relating to aspects of self in new ways. BFN Cary Charles http:www.cary.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk

Response:

homo@work, rest, or play <ba…@home.com> wrote in message news:3AEADEA1.B19DE56@home.com… > Welcome Cary, > I wouldn’t say that I scoff at this therapy style, only that I don’t > understand the mechanism that makes it work. I guess it is around how > people think in different ways. I’m a very logical thinker, who likes > directness. I have a good imagination, but visualization is too passive > an approach for me. For me, its a similar difference to watching tv > passively and actively participating in a conversation. > I’m very glad that this style works for you. I’m curious about how it > works in actual situations. The style that I use allows me to use it on > the fly. I can do it anywhere, anytime, in my head, or on paper. I > wonder how this works for you in a trigger situation.

Firstly thank you for the welcome. While I know I don’t have enough energy to post really regularly, I bet I will be dropping in and out I have to say that I am REALLY into things being concrete and workable, otherwise why waste time?!!! I, like you, am very direct also – again, why waste time. I prefer to know where and how things stand. I got into IC work before I was diagnosed. I was doing a lot of work on myself, trying to get to the bottom of my problems. Then I found that I was able to really help others with it too and did so for a good while until the ’stress’ got to me and I had to let it go. As for visualization being passive. I think it is all a question of how one approaches it. If one thinks it all has to be lovely and peaceful and just seeing etc., well yes that is really passive. In my opinion the level of success one has with visualization is directly linked with how much of one’s self gets involved. Degree of usefulness literally rests upon how concrete you make it, how engaged you become etc. I really am not one for just thinking pretty thoughts and certainly not into using any form of denial, which some methods do practice. I guess that is partly hypervigilance on my part though, as I am sure it would help if I did just do a nice bit of relaxing meditation or something at times – if only to calm the adrenaline! It is interesting that you compare watching TV to visualization, and feel that it is much more passive than having a conversation. Ironic even, in a way, because I really feel that it actually IS exactly that – IC work is having a conversation with part of yourself that is all too often buried. Coping in an adult world, especially with PTSD, means that there are so many parts of self that tend to close down in order to cope. IC work, as I think of it, is about conversing with and relating to those parts, and in this way it is even a journey of courage – hence the high proportion of scared Inner Children that appear when first requested to. The IC itself tends to be the whole self distilled to an essence, and somehow within this simplicity lies a creative potential. Thus, the result of opening up to this part of self can actually be life-changing in a very concrete way. I have done work on myself and also facilitated a lot of other people with such work. I was very intensely focused upon being as anchored in the REAL world as possible. For instance, I would write all dialogue down, so that thought patterns could be identified. In many ways, the IC is both an honest depiction of many layers of feeling. It is also a primitive aspect of self – and I say ‘primitive’ in the sense that it really carries a kick, both emotively and creatively, and also that opening up a dialogue with the IC is about establishing a form of connection with a part of self that is not cluttered with rights and wrongs and details etc. It takes you straight to the heart of feelings, and if you work with it interactively and dynamically, it becomes a major window to valuable awareness. By working with the IC, you strip away lots of sophistication and often come up with some staggering and raw truths. Truths that can seem silly and odd at the time, but which, if thought about later can prove to be highly profound and useful if applied to everyday life. Hence, this work can be practical problem solving at a most effective level. By becoming more aware, one is more likely to make appropriate and informed life choices. So, as you can tell, I really am not for any kind of  IC work other than at a *really* deep level which can be applied with pragmatism. You get from IC work what you bring to it. You want to really stretch or make it life-changing and you will. Sadly, I have only just come back to using it again myself, as I was hell bent on finding out what my problem was. Now I have been diagnosed and am awaiting treatment, and am utilizing it as a way of *gently* addressing the traumatised parts of self. In a sense, you could say that I am listening to what the PTSD thoughts are, then I am working through and stretching those thoughts, loosening the tight grip of the trauma. As I have only just started doing this a week ago, it is too early to report anything really, though it has already proved highly informative and pointed out angles that I have otherwise overlooked. I apply the IC work, as described, in life situations too. Not too often, becasue I have only just come back to working this way. If I *can* get the focus I do use it. At the very least it is useful to do an exercise like asking the IC to tell you something about the stress, then to give it a gift to help it experience the stress differently. Alternatively, I sometimes ask the moment’s stress to take a form, then ask it to tell me something, ask it what it needs etc. Even if that only lessened the attachment to stress, it is highly worthwhile IMHO. I feel that this way of working is very important as a key part of PTSD is the feeling that nothing responds when we are in danger. Nothing comes in to help, thus working in a way that builds a sense of being helped within oneself, of having access to inner resources – well, that has to be good. Very probably results in brain changes too, since all emotions and experiences do. In this way, there is little difference between *real life* and *imagined*. It is all down to how well you imagine, and that improves with use, like a muscle in a series of workouts. I facilitated IC work for people from all around the world, and thankfully trained my mother as well as others. Thus, I can now at least have access to a reliable facilitator. But why use a facilitator? Well, feelings can be incredibly quick and when we experience them we tend to see them from the inside only. Having someone well trained nearby to observe an overall pattern, to actually help you open up that feeling in new ways and consequently change the way you relate to the issue . . . . well, that is invaluable. Sadly, so many of the people offering IC work do not actually work at such a deep level. The name alone can carry very simplified connotations and encourage superficial work. Also, working at such a level as a facilitator is highly taxing and requires you to be SO on the ball. I think I stopped doing it for a while because it fed the adrenaline! I have to admit though that I am probably really perfectionistic about IC work. Not generally, but definitely on this issue as I have seen the difference working so deeply can make. I am curious as to the nature of what you call your ’style’ too. Care to share? It sounds intriguing BFN, Cary Charles http:www.cary.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk

Response:

homo@work, rest, or play <ba…@home.com> wrote in message news:3AEADEA1.B19DE56@home.com… (snipped . .) >I wonder how this works for you in a trigger situation.

Here are a few practical examples of how I work on myself: EXAMPLE 1: Last week, I asked the trauma to take a form. I saw a pomegranate, just like at Christmas. It had a red ribbon around it from top to bottom, very tight and tied fast with a bow on top. Felt very constricting. Also relevant was that I was very aware of loads of nails digging into every part of it’s surface except the tight bow. Usually cloves are used, but the image was heightened to express an extreme. It just appeared spontaneously that way. I asked this form what it needed to transform. I just got the colour yellow, a strong sense of it first, then the word. I visualized myself filling with yellow, every molecule of myself. Then, when I felt the time was right, I imagined radiating it out to the pomegranate. It took a minute or so of this before the form changed to that of a skeleton like those in the old Scotch videotape commercials, full of a dry humour, armed with a baseball bat to knock away anything that flew at me. The skeleton form was relevant in several ways – each of us having our own internal language of symbols which sometimes is unique to us. On one level, the skeleton is a representation that the trauma is old and over, dead and buried – very important! It was important also that the skeleton had a strong inner structure, strength and feeling of safety. Even so, my initial urge was to recognise that it represented the anger that results from the trauma and to want to get rid of it. I went to ask it what it needed to change form, but it refused flatly and explained that it was important that the past be acknowledged as part of me still. It just wanted to be near me, but not so central to me, and it’s aim was to knock things away from me when I felt triggered and attacked. It said to develop a sense of it doing this whenever triggered. I was to let go of having to handle all the danger myself and focus on a more restful image – the other aspect of the transformed pomegranate’s form. This other form had come alongside the skeleton and was an unpeeled orange, beautifully pale and soft. Very safe. I just enjoyed the comfortable feeling that came with this image, but then came a certainty that this was still a pomegranate in reality, though changed. The point I was to recognise was that the painful old traumatized skin had been ‘peeled’ and instead there was wonderfully safe feeling flesh. Even more importantly, this was followed by the dawning that this flesh was actually full of seeds, and this was the potential that is within me, and hopefully what I will access more of when my treatment has truly got under way. Happy with this image, I imagined drawing it into my whole body, every cell. I imagined even the brain changing structure as a result, and allowed myself to just enjoy it. It was a very simple process. I just let it unfold. Usually there is a wisdom behind it and if the first transformed form is dubious in terms of positivity, ask again what is needed and repeat the process. Eventually even the most resistant part of you would get tired of the repetition and evoke a new form. When it keeps getting transformed, eventually the mind recognises the loop and throws up something different. *That* is a point of change, full of potential because essentially the usual repertoire is falling away and something else is being revealed. Hopefully this example conveys that such internal dialogues are highly spontaneous and creative, as well as poignant and able to stimulate a change in emotion. I went from feeling threatened to very safe and cushioned. You often find that new dimensions to the symbolism hit you later, especially if you keep a journal of such exercises. That can be very useful. EXAMPLE 2: My main trauma was an experience in which someone tried to drown me. This morning I took a shower, and while I was there I felt edgy and quite unsafe. As a result, I asked that feeling what it needed to change form. I saw a brightly coloured parrot, staring right at me. "Just let go." it said, then reminded me of my previous image of the skeleton handling things for me, while I can let go of all the responsibility. I absorbed the calm feeling and safety that came in the form of the parrot, literally drew it into my body in my mind’s eye and thought of it changing my cellular structure, especially in the brain, where new connections were being made and a lot of restructuring was going on. Then, about 2 minutes later, the shower head fell out of it’s holder and narrowly missed me. Normally this really makes me feel attacked and very stressed (Yes I really should get a new holder but there are DIY complications!). However, as a result of having done the exercise, I was amazed by how unaffected, even safe, I felt. EXAMPLE 3: I am physically very uncomfortable at present, so this mornng, again in the shower, it occurred to me to ask this discomfort to take a form. I instantly got an image of old iron leg braces (experiencing pain in legs recently!), asked what was needed for it to change form and I got a kind of double answer, as if one was transparent over the other even though I am talking about thoughts as well as images. The answer was a huge orange beachball, very light in weight, combined with a sun. I focused on the feeling of these two, filled up with it, then radiated it out to the leg braces. Over a period of about 30 seconds they melted, bit by bit and became a little puddle of beautifully clear water (very relevant as my problem is a drowning experience!), mirror like, shallow and safe, rippling with colours. I absorbed the feeling of it and visualized it changing the physical structure of my body and brain. There was an overwhelming sense of peace and also freedom, as symbolised by the beach ball, I suppose. Hopefully this helps someone. It certainly helps me, when I am disciplined enough to do it. It doesn’t get rid of everything, but it is another tool in the box, so to speak, and I am grateful for that. The process is sometimes abstract, but it usually has a very tangible result. And by the way, it just occurred to me that the above makes it sound like I am a compulsive shower taker. I’m not – it was just a very relaxed shower All the best, Cary Charles http:www.cary.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk

Response:

Cary Charles wrote: > homo@work, rest, or play <ba…@home.com> wrote in message > news:3AEADEA1.B19DE56@home.com… > I am curious as to the nature of what you call your ’style’ too. Care to > share? It sounds intriguing

Thanks for you thoughts, Cary. I was asking about styles because I have a situation or two coming up that I was hoping I could glean some tips to use "in the moment." This technique doesn’t seem to be the case. Aside from that, I just don’t visualize well. I can conjure up memories in incredible detail. I think this is an example of the lef/right brain stuff. I’ve found multiple ways to dissect situations, but I’m always on the look out for more. I use a style of cognitive therapy that uses exercises called "thought records." With them you train yourself to think in a different pattern. Instead of spiraling out of control from a trigger, I learn the various thoughts that lead to the core beliefs that I hold — I could be killed. The "hot thought" is the trigger in the given situation. There are many "hot thoughts" but they all follow each other on a chain to the core belief. A trigger can plug in anyplace on the chain, and brings me back to the core belief. It is very formulaic and with a bit of time it becomes a reflex to start processing information in the same format. As a situation presents itself I almost automatically start to "balance" my thinking. The intensity of the trigger starts to subside immediately — enough so that I can stay in the situation and function. Other styles that I’ve looked at are just as effective in understanding what takes place in my thoughts, but they lacked any concrete means to counter the effects and stay "in the moment." I can send you the exercise in Word format if you are interested in seeing the mechanics.

Response:

homo@home <ba…@home.com> wrote in message

news:3AEED0AE.8AC634E8@home.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I was asking about styles because I have a situation or two coming up > that I was hoping I could glean some tips to use "in the moment." This > technique doesn’t seem to be the case. Aside from that, I just don’t > visualize well. I can conjure up memories in incredible detail. I think > this is an example of the lef/right brain stuff. I’ve found multiple > ways to dissect situations, but I’m always on the look out for more. > I use a style of cognitive therapy that uses exercises called "thought > records." With them you train yourself to think in a different pattern. > Instead of spiraling out of control from a trigger, I learn the various > thoughts that lead to the core beliefs that I hold — I could be killed. > The "hot thought" is the trigger in the given situation. There are many > "hot thoughts" but they all follow each other on a chain to the core > belief. A trigger can plug in anyplace on the chain, and brings me back > to the core belief. > It is very formulaic and with a bit of time it becomes a reflex to start > processing information in the same format. As a situation presents > itself I almost automatically start to "balance" my thinking. The > intensity of the trigger starts to subside immediately — enough so that > I can stay in the situation and function. > Other styles that I’ve looked at are just as effective in understanding > what takes place in my thoughts, but they lacked any concrete means to > counter the effects and stay "in the moment." I can send you the > exercise in Word format if you are interested in seeing the mechanics.

Thanks for posting that – it is REALLY interesting, and yes, I definitely would love to be sent the exercise. My email address is c…@blueyonder.nospam.co.uk – but be sure to remove the ‘nospam’ bit! Thanks In some ways what you are doing with this exercise is what happens when you do the work I was talking about, in that you are ‘peeling an onion’, stripping away the layers and getting to the core. I guess some respond better to visual work than others, but I have to say that I had so many clients say exactly what you said, and then if you asked the Inner Child what it needed to make the work easier, it responded and the process quickened. People often get dead-ended and think it doesn’t work for them, yet often they are looking for images when words or some other form of communication appears in their minds. It can even be a memory, a sound . . . anything. Not just images in the visual sense. Inner dialogues are much more rounded than that in reality. It starts with a law of permission though. In other words, the person has to learn to trust what they are getting and allow themselves to get more, even if it is the statement of silence. Even nothing is something! In particular it should work for any person who is prone to visualizing negative / stress scenarios. Hypervigilance, in many ways, is an exercise of visualization as you are sensing forward into maybes in a very tangible and vivid way. It is not always visual though. Often it comes as a feeling, a fear or whatever. It is still the visualizing aspect of ourselves in operation though, so you could argue that PTSD is quite a good primer for such work, we just have to learn to direct it consciously, rather than being out of control. I always got results (and I mean GOOD results!) with everyone who said they couldn’t do this kind of work, but I do admit that in some ways this is where the value of having a facilitator comes in. They can take you out of the thought patterns that say you can’t do it, teach you new ways to experience familiar senses. I found that people are very able once they get past the initial concept of being unable. So the essence of what I am saying is don’t dismiss this ability so quickly for yourself. In the right hands, perhaps even your own, it could really blossom. One has to be inventive though, and use whatever one gets creatively. It is also worth pointing out that in the previous message where I stated three examples of such work, the second exercise had an effect IN ADVANCE and prevented a stress reaction ahead of time, rather than only being in the moment. I simply responded differently to the stimuli, and was SO grateful for that! It is very useful to have that option. It was almost like I had always responded to such a situation with a tape recording. Then, doing that exercise changed the recording for a little while and thus I felt safer when a normally threatening incident arose. Ideally though, I think your way of working, in hand with what I am already doing, could really provide a way forward. It makes me very optimistic. You have inspired me BFN, Cary

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