Question:
Hi Katz, Yep! I just came back from the Caribou and it was so peaceful and quiet up there. Almost no people around the lake where I was staying. I just did not want to come back, because like you I do not understand the world most of the time. I feel like an alien here most of the time. I simply don’t seem to be able to march to the same drummer that the rest of the world does. I always wonder if it is just me who does not fit into this world. Most days I would rather be eaten by the beasts in the wild than be nibbled and picked to death by some of the people I have to deal with. However, I keep trying to change my attitude and see the world in a better light. So far I have not had much success. A cabin (or even a tent … possibly a cave 
) is looking pretty good!!!!! Heather "Katz Heitmann" <katz…@mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:WFK7d.1924$Vm1.181@newsread3.news.atl.earthlink.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Catz wrote: >> Thanks Peter, I will check it out. Anything that soothes the nerves would >> be >> good! You sound like you enjoy the outdoors. I think that people with >> PTSD >> seek nature to recharge and find some calm. I know that I do. >> Heather > I do too I find peace in nature sometimes but I know somethings want me > for lunch but at least they are honest about it. They do not hide behind > the system and if I kill them to survive then their relatives do not press > charges like people tend to do. I do not understand the world I find > myself in and I do not like most of the people involved.
Response:
"Katz Heitmann" <wrote in message – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> bckwrds wrote: > > "Katz Heitmann" wrote in message > >>bckwrds wrote: > >>>Katz, I’ve been gone a week on a so-called vacation…and I’m still > >>>tired and I work this morning….but I must say a few words. They > >>>won’t give you comfort, they won’t make your life any better. But > >>>I do hear you. I’ve been fucked by to many way to many times. > >>>Your anger is righteous! I’ve been going thru anger madness for > >>>a long time now and I’m still not there!!! It’s like it keeps building > >>>up….I let the steam out….only to have more and more anger > >>>surface. > don’t worry about me I’m tough enough to take it you sound as though you > need a little help. I’d say schedule gym time and get a punching bag in > your house so you can hit it when you get mad. Don’t feel guilty about > it as long as you do not harm another human being or life form > unnessecarily then anger is no problem. If you punch a thing that is > designed for that purpose rather than another person then that is right. > Because the punching bag is no longer alive then you harm nothing and > make yourself feel much better. You have way too much adrenaline and > the way to get rid of it is exercise. You haven’t hurt another person > with your anger and there is no sin. If you need to hit something then > hit a thing that is already dead. Your system sounds as if it is full > of adrenaline. Exercise is best for getting rid of that.
I use to wog a lot….walk/jog. Left knee started giving out on me and so now I’ve joined CURVES. I like it a lot. I’ve taken a gunny sack full of bottles and literally ripped er to shreds. One may call it adrenaline but it’s mostly about pented up anger and frustration for me. Years and years of it. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >>Thank you I think we should compare notes you tell me what it was like > >>for you and I’ll tell you what it was like for me that way we get > >>through the pain together. Maybe I came here to find you though I > >>wasn’t looking for you and maybe you were supposed to find me. > > I read your words and just went numb. Life has never been easy > > for me and for someone I don’t even know suggest that we go thru some > > of this together just about blows my mind. I gave up on therapists…. > > moved and also could not longer afford the one good one I found. > > What a gift you just gave me. Together. You wouldn’t believe all > > the pain I’ve had in my life and mostly living it all alone. > You aren’t alone anymore the distance is meaningless. Someone said that > there are no more heroes in this world but that’s proof they never met > Katz Heitmann. It’s ok you aren’t half way gone you just gotta hang on > tighter to who you wanna be and make the best of what you got. In your > pain wisedom and compassion grow. In your suffering you find what you > been looking for all you have to do is hang on til tommorrow hang on > until the dawn comes. You rescued me and I rescued you so we are just > destined to be friends, forget it. > I’m just lonely for someone who understands the shit I been through. A > little afraid that I do not have the strength for the challenges ahead > but I’ve been through worse. So I just have to get tougher and fight my > way through.
I, too, have many challenges awaiting. It’s why I must get thru this mixed up confusing time I find myself in during certain situations of my current life. I am not one to sit by and do nothing….even for myself. But there are some things, many things, that have affected my life and no one stopped long enough to think about that. These things just didn’t affect my life but others whom I love dearly. I am a survivor and a strong one. Some people will not be happy about that fact. My day is coming. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> > I’ll be > >>out for 4 days so if you send an email and donot get a response right > >>away that’s what happened. What do either of us have to lose. You can > >>tell me anything I’m not easily scared or made sick by abuse. I read a > >>few gory autopsy reports in my time. So nothing you have to say will > >>ever shock me. I seen some pretty awful shit. > >>>Bravo for you for sticking up for those who’ve been hurt. I’ve > >>>done the same myself. Let the f’rs strike back at me…..but stay > >>>away from my love ones. > >>I’m that way too. But I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve had enough of > >>it all. > I’m about to rip some frackers some new arseholes because I didn’t sign > up for this bullshit and I’m not about to tolerate it off anyone.
Ditto. Some people literally ripped a new arsehole for me….and now it’s gonna be time for some justice. > > yeah, I’ve had enough, too. Unfortuantely, the stuff keeps coming up. > > At least I’m no longer letting it build and build and build so that I end > > up as a freaking volcano. But I sure can blow my top like the best > > of em. > I have that problem too. Try boogie boarding some time. The waves > throw you around until you learn to stand feet side by side a couple > feet apart turned side ways into the waves and switch em until you move > out past the breakers. If you are ok within yourself and can live with > yourself then you can deal with anything that life throws at you.
I’m almost thru the process of DID. Not easy work but much healing has been accomplished. There’s been days, weeks, months, and yes years of living with "myselves" but I’m almost at the end of that long long road. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> >>>There is so much that I can not control in this world and so I > >>>know I must turn these things over to the ones who can truly > >>>help me…..God and my true Father. > >>Yeah abulo(meaning god helped me out of a few jams) > > God helped me out of a few jams, too. It’s truly unbelieveable… > > and that’s part of me problem….but I’m letting that be others > > problems these days…..I know my truth. > I don’t know what I’d do without abulo. > >>>And PULLLEAASE no one bitch to me about writing those > >>>two little words that mean so much to me. Been there so many > >>>times and I fn won’t take that any longer either. I’ve fn had it > >>>with so many fn things in this fn world. > >>>Donna > >>Thank god I know I’m not alone. That helps alot. > > thank you for letting me know that I, too, am not alone. > > Donna > I can’t save you I am having severe problems figuring out how to survive > but at least I can be there for you like my friends were there when I > needed them. Most of life is hanging on when everything tells you that > it is futile. More than anything I do not want to have suffered for > nothing. If the wisedom borne of my agony helps another human being > survive then my life is not meaningless.
I don’t believe that anyone suffers for nothing….that there is a reason for everything. My life has turned out different then I had ever thought it would but the end does and will justify the means. No one should suffer the shit I’ve had to live thru….not even me. But I did and I did for a reason. And I know that reason. There is a season for every purpose under heaven. bckwrds – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
Response:
Catz wrote: > Thanks Peter, I will check it out. Anything that soothes the nerves would be > good! You sound like you enjoy the outdoors. I think that people with PTSD > seek nature to recharge and find some calm. I know that I do. > Heather
I do too I find peace in nature sometimes but I know somethings want me for lunch but at least they are honest about it. They do not hide behind the system and if I kill them to survive then their relatives do not press charges like people tend to do. I do not understand the world I find myself in and I do not like most of the people involved.
Response:
Thanks Peter, I will check it out. Anything that soothes the nerves would be good! You sound like you enjoy the outdoors. I think that people with PTSD seek nature to recharge and find some calm. I know that I do. Heather "Peter" <skyr…@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:1096003330.093624.317710@h37g2000oda.googlegroups.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Heather wrote: > > Hello, > > I have been lurking for awhile now. > A lurker from Vancouver! > > I am also grateful for some of your candid posts here – they help > alot, > > especially on those days when the symptoms seem to get control. > Which leads me to mention a site I’ve just discovered. It’s full of > tranquility and occasional excitement against the backdrop of Vancouver > Island. > http://www.orca-live.net/ > It’s a webcam (a few of webcams, actually) run by an orca research > group on Hanson Island on Johnstone Strait. They have a series of > underwater microphones and they keep track of the whales’ comings and > goings. The webcam view is normally of kelp forest, very relaxing with > fish and the occasional seal and the kelp swaying in the current, but > when the orcas (or any other whales) are near they switch to a surface > view and it is thrilling to see the magnificent creatures just > offshore. > Be warned though, it can fill up awesome amounts of time! > Peter
Response:
bckwrds wrote: > "Katz Heitmann" wrote in message >>bckwrds wrote: >>>Katz, I’ve been gone a week on a so-called vacation…and I’m still >>>tired and I work this morning….but I must say a few words. They >>>won’t give you comfort, they won’t make your life any better. But >>>I do hear you. I’ve been fucked by to many way to many times. >>>Your anger is righteous! I’ve been going thru anger madness for >>>a long time now and I’m still not there!!! It’s like it keeps building >>>up….I let the steam out….only to have more and more anger >>>surface.
don’t worry about me I’m tough enough to take it you sound as though you need a little help. I’d say schedule gym time and get a punching bag in your house so you can hit it when you get mad. Don’t feel guilty about it as long as you do not harm another human being or life form unnessecarily then anger is no problem. If you punch a thing that is designed for that purpose rather than another person then that is right. Because the punching bag is no longer alive then you harm nothing and make yourself feel much better. You have way too much adrenaline and the way to get rid of it is exercise. You haven’t hurt another person with your anger and there is no sin. If you need to hit something then hit a thing that is already dead. Your system sounds as if it is full of adrenaline. Exercise is best for getting rid of that. >>Thank you I think we should compare notes you tell me what it was like >>for you and I’ll tell you what it was like for me that way we get >>through the pain together. Maybe I came here to find you though I >>wasn’t looking for you and maybe you were supposed to find me. > I read your words and just went numb. Life has never been easy > for me and for someone I don’t even know suggest that we go thru some > of this together just about blows my mind. I gave up on therapists…. > moved and also could not longer afford the one good one I found. > What a gift you just gave me. Together. You wouldn’t believe all > the pain I’ve had in my life and mostly living it all alone.
You aren’t alone anymore the distance is meaningless. Someone said that there are no more heroes in this world but that’s proof they never met Katz Heitmann. It’s ok you aren’t half way gone you just gotta hang on tighter to who you wanna be and make the best of what you got. In your pain wisedom and compassion grow. In your suffering you find what you been looking for all you have to do is hang on til tommorrow hang on until the dawn comes. You rescued me and I rescued you so we are just destined to be friends, forget it. I’m just lonely for someone who understands the shit I been through. A little afraid that I do not have the strength for the challenges ahead but I’ve been through worse. So I just have to get tougher and fight my way through. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I’ll be >>out for 4 days so if you send an email and donot get a response right >>away that’s what happened. What do either of us have to lose. You can >>tell me anything I’m not easily scared or made sick by abuse. I read a >>few gory autopsy reports in my time. So nothing you have to say will >>ever shock me. I seen some pretty awful shit. >>>Bravo for you for sticking up for those who’ve been hurt. I’ve >>>done the same myself. Let the f’rs strike back at me…..but stay >>>away from my love ones. >>I’m that way too. But I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve had enough of >>it all.
I’m about to rip some frackers some new arseholes because I didn’t sign up for this bullshit and I’m not about to tolerate it off anyone. > yeah, I’ve had enough, too. Unfortuantely, the stuff keeps coming up. > At least I’m no longer letting it build and build and build so that I end > up as a freaking volcano. But I sure can blow my top like the best > of em.
I have that problem too. Try boogie boarding some time. The waves throw you around until you learn to stand feet side by side a couple feet apart turned side ways into the waves and switch em until you move out past the breakers. If you are ok within yourself and can live with yourself then you can deal with anything that life throws at you. >>>There is so much that I can not control in this world and so I >>>know I must turn these things over to the ones who can truly >>>help me…..God and my true Father. >>Yeah abulo(meaning god helped me out of a few jams) > God helped me out of a few jams, too. It’s truly unbelieveable… > and that’s part of me problem….but I’m letting that be others > problems these days…..I know my truth.
I don’t know what I’d do without abulo. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->>>And PULLLEAASE no one bitch to me about writing those >>>two little words that mean so much to me. Been there so many >>>times and I fn won’t take that any longer either. I’ve fn had it >>>with so many fn things in this fn world. >>>Donna >>Thank god I know I’m not alone. That helps alot. > thank you for letting me know that I, too, am not alone. > Donna
I can’t save you I am having severe problems figuring out how to survive but at least I can be there for you like my friends were there when I needed them. Most of life is hanging on when everything tells you that it is futile. More than anything I do not want to have suffered for nothing. If the wisedom borne of my agony helps another human being survive then my life is not meaningless.
Response:
"Katz Heitmann" wrote in message > bckwrds wrote: > > Katz, I’ve been gone a week on a so-called vacation…and I’m still > > tired and I work this morning….but I must say a few words. They > > won’t give you comfort, they won’t make your life any better. But > > I do hear you. I’ve been fucked by to many way to many times. > > Your anger is righteous! I’ve been going thru anger madness for > > a long time now and I’m still not there!!! It’s like it keeps building > > up….I let the steam out….only to have more and more anger > > surface. > Thank you I think we should compare notes you tell me what it was like > for you and I’ll tell you what it was like for me that way we get > through the pain together. Maybe I came here to find you though I > wasn’t looking for you and maybe you were supposed to find me.
I read your words and just went numb. Life has never been easy for me and for someone I don’t even know suggest that we go thru some of this together just about blows my mind. I gave up on therapists…. moved and also could not longer afford the one good one I found. What a gift you just gave me. Together. You wouldn’t believe all the pain I’ve had in my life and mostly living it all alone. I’ll be > out for 4 days so if you send an email and donot get a response right > away that’s what happened. What do either of us have to lose. You can > tell me anything I’m not easily scared or made sick by abuse. I read a > few gory autopsy reports in my time. So nothing you have to say will > ever shock me. I seen some pretty awful shit. > > Bravo for you for sticking up for those who’ve been hurt. I’ve > > done the same myself. Let the f’rs strike back at me…..but stay > > away from my love ones. > I’m that way too. But I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve had enough of > it all.
yeah, I’ve had enough, too. Unfortuantely, the stuff keeps coming up. At least I’m no longer letting it build and build and build so that I end up as a freaking volcano. But I sure can blow my top like the best of em. > > There is so much that I can not control in this world and so I > > know I must turn these things over to the ones who can truly > > help me…..God and my true Father. > Yeah abulo(meaning god helped me out of a few jams)
God helped me out of a few jams, too. It’s truly unbelieveable… and that’s part of me problem….but I’m letting that be others problems these days…..I know my truth. > > And PULLLEAASE no one bitch to me about writing those > > two little words that mean so much to me. Been there so many > > times and I fn won’t take that any longer either. I’ve fn had it > > with so many fn things in this fn world. > > Donna > Thank god I know I’m not alone. That helps alot.
thank you for letting me know that I, too, am not alone. Donna
Response:
tinydancer wrote: > Nothing raises the hackles on my > back like somebody trying to tell me what to do, or picking on
somebody. Do tell? This would explain why you support Lucas, who spends his life on UseNet doing those very things. We can do without such people in here, thank’ee! Peter
Response:
Heather wrote: > Hello, > I have been lurking for awhile now.
A lurker from Vancouver! > I am also grateful for some of your candid posts here – they help alot, > especially on those days when the symptoms seem to get control.
Which leads me to mention a site I’ve just discovered. It’s full of tranquility and occasional excitement against the backdrop of Vancouver Island. http://www.orca-live.net/ It’s a webcam (a few of webcams, actually) run by an orca research group on Hanson Island on Johnstone Strait. They have a series of underwater microphones and they keep track of the whales’ comings and goings. The webcam view is normally of kelp forest, very relaxing with fish and the occasional seal and the kelp swaying in the current, but when the orcas (or any other whales) are near they switch to a surface view and it is thrilling to see the magnificent creatures just offshore. Be warned though, it can fill up awesome amounts of time! Peter
Response:
bckwrds wrote: > Katz, I’ve been gone a week on a so-called vacation…and I’m still > tired and I work this morning….but I must say a few words. They > won’t give you comfort, they won’t make your life any better. But > I do hear you. I’ve been fucked by to many way to many times. > Your anger is righteous! I’ve been going thru anger madness for > a long time now and I’m still not there!!! It’s like it keeps building > up….I let the steam out….only to have more and more anger > surface.
Thank you I think we should compare notes you tell me what it was like for you and I’ll tell you what it was like for me that way we get through the pain together. Maybe I came here to find you though I wasn’t looking for you and maybe you were supposed to find me. I’ll be out for 4 days so if you send an email and donot get a response right away that’s what happened. What do either of us have to lose. You can tell me anything I’m not easily scared or made sick by abuse. I read a few gory autopsy reports in my time. So nothing you have to say will ever shock me. I seen some pretty awful shit. > Bravo for you for sticking up for those who’ve been hurt. I’ve > done the same myself. Let the f’rs strike back at me…..but stay > away from my love ones.
I’m that way too. But I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve had enough of it all. > There is so much that I can not control in this world and so I > know I must turn these things over to the ones who can truly > help me…..God and my true Father.
Yeah abulo(meaning god helped me out of a few jams) > And PULLLEAASE no one bitch to me about writing those > two little words that mean so much to me. Been there so many > times and I fn won’t take that any longer either. I’ve fn had it > with so many fn things in this fn world. > Donna
Thank god I know I’m not alone. That helps alot.
Response:
Donna, two little words, I Agree. John De
Response:
"bckwrds" <bckw…@theriver.com> wrote in message
news:cimh45$5bc$0$216.39.135.94@theriver.com… snipped> > And PULLLEAASE no one bitch to me about writing those > two little words that mean so much to me. Been there so many > times and I fn won’t take that any longer either. I’ve fn had it > with so many fn things in this fn world.
Damn, which two little words were those? Shit, I must’a missed ‘em. ;-) td
Response:
"Katz Heitmann" <katz…@mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:%Gx3d.7407$mb6.4888@newsread3.news.atl.earthlink.net… > Can anyone tell me what all the varieties of post are like. Well I > know my post traumatic causes me to have a little trouble with > authority. It’s not that I want to give authority a hard time it just > happens ok.
I think that’s a pretty common one Katz. Nothing raises the hackles on my back like somebody trying to tell me what to do, or picking on somebody. I don’t ‘do’ authority well either. I’m afraid, like you, it tends to spill over at times, like I can’t call anybody ’sir or ‘m’am’. I think once you’ve been abused in some way by some sort of ‘authority’, you are NEVER going to let that happen again. Hang in there Katz, td
Response:
"tinydancer" <tinydan…@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:Yj74d.186620$%n4.59998@bignews6.bellsouth.net… > "bckwrds" <bckw…@theriver.com> wrote in message > news:cimh45$5bc$0$216.39.135.94@theriver.com… > snipped> > > And PULLLEAASE no one bitch to me about writing those > > two little words that mean so much to me. Been there so many > > times and I fn won’t take that any longer either. I’ve fn had it > > with so many fn things in this fn world. > Damn, which two little words were those? Shit, I must’a missed ‘em. ;-) > td
thank you, td. I’ve been thru so much crap in my life and when ever I bring up anything about how God and Jesus helped me literally LIVE I get yelled at. Some anger is righteous! bckwrds…..who’s still feeling some of that righteousness this morning. ;]
Response:
"tinydancer" <tinydan…@nowhere.com> wrote in message
news:Eq74d.186621$%n4.55176@bignews6.bellsouth.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> "Katz Heitmann" <katz…@mindspring.com> wrote in message > news:%Gx3d.7407$mb6.4888@newsread3.news.atl.earthlink.net… > > Can anyone tell me what all the varieties of post are like. Well I > > know my post traumatic causes me to have a little trouble with > > authority. It’s not that I want to give authority a hard time it just > > happens ok. > I think that’s a pretty common one Katz. Nothing raises the hackles on my > back like somebody trying to tell me what to do, or picking on somebody. I > don’t ‘do’ authority well either. I’m afraid, like you, it tends to spill > over at times, like I can’t call anybody ’sir or ‘m’am’. I think once > you’ve been abused in some way by some sort of ‘authority’, you are NEVER > going to let that happen again. > Hang in there Katz, > td
having been there myself, what helped me get over this part of my anger was the fact that there is one huge difference between professionals (cops, military, lawyers, teachers) then your ordinary bad asses. I respect good cops, good military people, good lawyers, good teacher…..yes, some bad ones in each of those categories hurt me and hurt me bad. I respect authority and don’t mind saying yes sir…..but they gotta be good em’s. bckwrds
Response:
Hello, I have been lurking for awhile now. I have had complex PTSD for a long time now and I still struggle with symptoms. I was so relieved to read Katz post because I too have problems with "authority figures" and I too find that it is not something I think about or want to do it just "happens", exactly like she says. I had really just considered myself a "b**ch" and felt bad after it happens. It is always much worse when I am under more stress than usual (I am always under stress : ) ! I never really thought about it being a response to what happened to me. I am grateful for Katz’ letter it put a whole new perspective on this issue and helped me feel a little better about myself. I am also grateful for some of your candid posts here – they help alot, especially on those days when the symptoms seem to get control. Thanks Catz ( yes, I too use the nick catz except with a C ) "Katz Heitmann" <katz…@mindspring.com> wrote in message
news:%Gx3d.7407$mb6.4888@newsread3.news.atl.earthlink.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Can anyone tell me what all the varieties of post are like. Well I > know my post traumatic causes me to have a little trouble with > authority. It’s not that I want to give authority a hard time it just > happens ok. Well I don’t suppose it should be an excuse but I was > pretty badly abused by authority and even worse by my peers. It may > have been my own fault I don’t know but I’m a little hostile and > distrustful of authority because life experience made me that way. A > little wary of anyone offering to take care of everything or the > assurances that everything will be ok. Or telling me to think > positively it’s kind of hard when you’re brother is dead cause some > asshole drank too damn much and decided that he could drive like that. > Then he got off on a technicality because the police fucked up. It’s > kind of hard to think positively when you want to kill your peers or at > least larydectomize them so they will stop pissing you off all the time > by getting in your face and calling you retarded all the time. > Why should people expect me to be any different after I dealt with 22 > years of hell? I mean how do you deal with the fact that your choir > master as a kid was a pedophile. How are you supposed to forgive an > adult who taped your entire cabin full of girls mouths shut. How are > you supposed to deal with the fact that your preschool teacher > alternated between berating and humiliating you at every opportunity and > neglecting you. How are you supposed respect authority when you can’t > depend on them to do the right thing. How are you supposed to trust > authority when you call them in and the situation gets even worse > because of them. How am I supposed to forgive the system for not > getting justice for me or caring enough to do the job right? How am I > supposed to trust the education system when they refuse to do what > federal law requires and I can’t make them without suing them. They > hold the cards if I could just sue the entire state in federal court the > judge would basically order them to comply with federal law. The > publicity would be a nightmare for their reelection campaign even if I > lost. I think it would be hillarious to do that to them. How am I > supposed to deal with the fact that while most people were dreaming > about what they wanted to be I was trying to figure out how to keep the > abusive fuckers off my peers and myself. Also taking out the school > yard bully. Also trying to figure out how to keep ass in one piece > while authority was no help at all. > In some cases I figured out how to completely trash an abusive teacher > without getting my arse busted in the process. I completely destroyed a > college professor because he really pissed me off I damn nearly cleaned > his damn clock. I’ve never wanted to punch a person more than I wanted > to clock that professor and the only reason I didn’t slug him was that > I’d taken ritalin and it helped me resist the urge to punch Headington > right in his arrogant face. The reason I wanted to slug the fucker was > that he humiliated a fellow student and copped an attitude with me > when I suggested he apologize to that student. I might scream at a > student grab him by his shirt shove him out of the way if I was in a > hurry or lose my damn temper and go off like a nuke all the time but I > would never humiliate a student who was trying to give me what I wanted > from him. I might be completely crazy and I have gotten a little rough > with people physically but I do not make an even bigger mess of a > student than I can avoid. If I realized I had done so accidentally then > I would apologize to that student in front of the entire class. > I do not want to be the reason a student is afraid to speak in front of > a group. It’s not only wrong but extremely counterproductive. If you > didn’t care about that student at all just wanted him to deliver the > information in an organized fashion if the kid is about to piss his > pants then he won’t do a good job. I’d tell him relax I don’t bite-much > or that often. Or relax I had another student for breakfast and it’s > not lunch time yet even if you mess up I promise you won’t get hurt. > If he’s terrified of being humiliated then he won’t give me what I need > to know. He’ll forget the pertainate facts and tank the briefing. I > can’t help it I love messing with people too much to stop. > I’d make a student think he was in big trouble when I was just trying to > figure out what was the matter with him. I think it’s funny to do that > sort of thing. Get him thinking oh shit now I’ve really done it. It’s > not cool to be the teacher’s pet so I’d discourage it that way. Why > should I look for approval from a bunch of kids? I say their safety > comes first, their dignity comes second and their friendship comes last > if it is considered at all. If they are afraid that one of their > classmates might hurt them then they cannot concentrate on what I am > trying to teach them. If they are afraid I might humiliate them in > front of their peers then they will be afraid to learn. If I do not have > respect for who they are then they will not learn to respect themselves > and if they feel rejected by their teacher then they won’t feel welcom e > in the classroom it will become a place where they failed and it will > cripple them in the future in their education. I think I’d make a very > good teacher except for my enjoyment of scaring the hell out of the > students on a regular basis and acting like a bad ass. Well it’s not > acting I really am that bad. Which I hope they never see that side of > me but sometimes an idiot decides to see how far he can push you and > you are trying not to and you just snap. I’d feel comfortable with a > teacher who didn’t give a shit whether I liked them or not. Because > I’ve had teachers who looked for the approval of the popular girls and > left me to fend for myself. They let the other kids torture me because > they were looking to prop up their sagging self-esteem by catering to > the mob rather than protect a weak and terrified girl. They betrayed me > because they were looking for approval rather than make certain that it > was safe for all their girls. Well I had to deal with the others myself > and that led to some interesting consequences. I basically hurt them > back as hard as I could and made the authority look ridiculous by > defying her and getting away with it. She has a self esteem crisis I > decided to give her group problems to go with the low self esteem. > If you aren’t good enough without the authority then you’ll never be > good enough with it. If the authority is worse than useless then what > is the point of cooperating with them? If an authority yells at you and > berates you no matter how hard you try to please them don’t try just > carry out the minimum and just figure he’s not worth the trouble of > getting upset over his jack ass behavior. That he’s just a screamer and > that is the way he’s going to be that is all you can reasonably expect > from him and if you can’t live with the way it is then get the hell out. > So you just give up on him ever doing anything except being a thorn in > your side. He’s not going to like no matter what you decide to do about > anything so just act like all his attacks are normal utterances and > ignore the fact that he’s being really insulting. Well he can yell > scream insult you and belittle you but he can’t hurt you unless you let > him by believing what he is saying. If he realizes that it’s not > working then he’ll stop doing it eventually because you’ve frustrated > him by refusing to play his little game or let him hurt you. You > emotional detach from that person while maintaining the same proximity. > If you are cold towards him and impersonal looking like you wish he > would crawl back under that rock he crawled out from under. > Or suggest the best thing he could do to improve the work environment > would be to leave it. Or remark that a stiff would be a better boss > eventhough the decomposition would start to make everyone puke. I would > turn to my coworker after the boss left after berating me. "You know > that’s my favorite part of our boss his back because when I see that > I’m so much happier. Or I’d say geez I had more intelligent > conversations with people who have been dead for a while. Or say > he’s always like that when he forgets to take his medication. > Anyone who attacks Katz becomes the butt of jokes. Anyone who refuses to > joke around gets made fun of. Well I guess someone put too much starch > in that kid’s underwear. I’m trying to imagine him with a personality > I can’t do it.
Response:
Hi Katz! > Can anyone tell me what all the varieties of post are like. Well I > know my post traumatic causes me to have a little trouble with > authority. It’s not that I want to give authority a hard time it just > happens ok.
I could not read your whole post as it became entirely too painful for me. OTOH, I can say that there are a whole series of events which can cause PTSD. If the trauma experience last for more than 6 months, then it is classified as PTSD. And can be diagnosed as such by a pdoc who is knowledgeable. Here’s a link: http://www.astpfaq.bravepages.com/index.html In my experience, all the varieties (aka ’causes’) of PTSD are merely the same song, with a different genesis. In other words, no one song ‘belongs’ to one vocal artist, they all are ‘covering’ each other’s song. Treatment for PTSD seems to be rather standard now. In the new century, it seems to be mostly cognitive therapy and medications for anxiety (and often depression) by experienced-in-PTSD professionals. In the old century, treatment was usually ‘drug them up with librium or valium’ and put them in a padded cell … for the rest of their life. If you are already diagnosed, I urge you to seek appropriate treatment. If you are not diagnosed, I urge you to seek the appropriate diagnosis. PTSD can be a killer if not treated promptly and properly. :/ YMMV Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
Response:
Katz, I’ve been gone a week on a so-called vacation…and I’m still tired and I work this morning….but I must say a few words. They won’t give you comfort, they won’t make your life any better. But I do hear you. I’ve been fucked by to many way to many times. Your anger is righteous! I’ve been going thru anger madness for a long time now and I’m still not there!!! It’s like it keeps building up….I let the steam out….only to have more and more anger surface. Bravo for you for sticking up for those who’ve been hurt. I’ve done the same myself. Let the f’rs strike back at me…..but stay away from my love ones. There is so much that I can not control in this world and so I know I must turn these things over to the ones who can truly help me…..God and my true Father. And PULLLEAASE no one bitch to me about writing those two little words that mean so much to me. Been there so many times and I fn won’t take that any longer either. I’ve fn had it with so many fn things in this fn world. Donna – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Can anyone tell me what all the varieties of post are like. Well I > know my post traumatic causes me to have a little trouble with > authority. It’s not that I want to give authority a hard time it just > happens ok. Well I don’t suppose it should be an excuse but I was > pretty badly abused by authority and even worse by my peers. It may > have been my own fault I don’t know but I’m a little hostile and > distrustful of authority because life experience made me that way. A > little wary of anyone offering to take care of everything or the > assurances that everything will be ok. Or telling me to think > positively it’s kind of hard when you’re brother is dead cause some > asshole drank too damn much and decided that he could drive like that. > Then he got off on a technicality because the police fucked up. It’s > kind of hard to think positively when you want to kill your peers or at > least larydectomize them so they will stop pissing you off all the time > by getting in your face and calling you retarded all the time. > Why should people expect me to be any different after I dealt with 22 > years of hell? I mean how do you deal with the fact that your choir > master as a kid was a pedophile. How are you supposed to forgive an > adult who taped your entire cabin full of girls mouths shut. How are > you supposed to deal with the fact that your preschool teacher > alternated between berating and humiliating you at every opportunity and > neglecting you. How are you supposed respect authority when you can’t > depend on them to do the right thing. How are you supposed to trust > authority when you call them in and the situation gets even worse > because of them. How am I supposed to forgive the system for not > getting justice for me or caring enough to do the job right? How am I > supposed to trust the education system when they refuse to do what > federal law requires and I can’t make them without suing them. They > hold the cards if I could just sue the entire state in federal court the > judge would basically order them to comply with federal law. The > publicity would be a nightmare for their reelection campaign even if I > lost. I think it would be hillarious to do that to them. How am I > supposed to deal with the fact that while most people were dreaming > about what they wanted to be I was trying to figure out how to keep the > abusive fuckers off my peers and myself. Also taking out the school > yard bully. Also trying to figure out how to keep ass in one piece > while authority was no help at all. > In some cases I figured out how to completely trash an abusive teacher > without getting my arse busted in the process. I completely destroyed a > college professor because he really pissed me off I damn nearly cleaned > his damn clock. I’ve never wanted to punch a person more than I wanted > to clock that professor and the only reason I didn’t slug him was that > I’d taken ritalin and it helped me resist the urge to punch Headington > right in his arrogant face. The reason I wanted to slug the fucker was > that he humiliated a fellow student and copped an attitude with me > when I suggested he apologize to that student. I might scream at a > student grab him by his shirt shove him out of the way if I was in a > hurry or lose my damn temper and go off like a nuke all the time but I > would never humiliate a student who was trying to give me what I wanted > from him. I might be completely crazy and I have gotten a little rough > with people physically but I do not make an even bigger mess of a > student than I can avoid. If I realized I had done so accidentally then > I would apologize to that student in front of the entire class. > I do not want to be the reason a student is afraid to speak in front of > a group. It’s not only wrong but extremely counterproductive. If you > didn’t care about that student at all just wanted him to deliver the > information in an organized fashion if the kid is about to piss his > pants then he won’t do a good job. I’d tell him relax I don’t bite-much > or that often. Or relax I had another student for breakfast and it’s > not lunch time yet even if you mess up I promise you won’t get hurt. > If he’s terrified of being humiliated then he won’t give me what I need > to know. He’ll forget the pertainate facts and tank the briefing. I > can’t help it I love messing with people too much to stop. > I’d make a student think he was in big trouble when I was just trying to > figure out what was the matter with him. I think it’s funny to do that > sort of thing. Get him thinking oh shit now I’ve really done it. It’s > not cool to be the teacher’s pet so I’d discourage it that way. Why > should I look for approval from a bunch of kids? I say their safety > comes first, their dignity comes second and their friendship comes last > if it is considered at all. If they are afraid that one of their > classmates might hurt them then they cannot concentrate on what I am > trying to teach them. If they are afraid I might humiliate them in > front of their peers then they will be afraid to learn. If I do not have > respect for who they are then they will not learn to respect themselves > and if they feel rejected by their teacher then they won’t feel welcom e > in the classroom it will become a place where they failed and it will > cripple them in the future in their education. I think I’d make a very > good teacher except for my enjoyment of scaring the hell out of the > students on a regular basis and acting like a bad ass. Well it’s not > acting I really am that bad. Which I hope they never see that side of > me but sometimes an idiot decides to see how far he can push you and > you are trying not to and you just snap. I’d feel comfortable with a > teacher who didn’t give a shit whether I liked them or not. Because > I’ve had teachers who looked for the approval of the popular girls and > left me to fend for myself. They let the other kids torture me because > they were looking to prop up their sagging self-esteem by catering to > the mob rather than protect a weak and terrified girl. They betrayed me > because they were looking for approval rather than make certain that it > was safe for all their girls. Well I had to deal with the others myself > and that led to some interesting consequences. I basically hurt them > back as hard as I could and made the authority look ridiculous by > defying her and getting away with it. She has a self esteem crisis I > decided to give her group problems to go with the low self esteem. > If you aren’t good enough without the authority then you’ll never be > good enough with it. If the authority is worse than useless then what > is the point of cooperating with them? If an authority yells at you and > berates you no matter how hard you try to please them don’t try just > carry out the minimum and just figure he’s not worth the trouble of > getting upset over his jack ass behavior. That he’s just a screamer and > that is the way he’s going to be that is all you can reasonably expect > from him and if you can’t live with the way it is then get the hell out. > So you just give up on him ever doing anything except being a thorn in > your side. He’s not going to like no matter what you decide to do about > anything so just act like all his attacks are normal utterances and > ignore the fact that he’s being really insulting. Well he can yell > scream insult you and belittle you but he can’t hurt you unless you let > him by believing what he is saying. If he realizes that it’s not > working then he’ll stop doing it eventually because you’ve frustrated > him by refusing to play his little game or let him hurt you. You > emotional detach from that person while maintaining the same proximity. > If you are cold towards him and impersonal looking like you wish he > would crawl back under that rock he crawled out from under. > Or suggest the best thing he could do to improve the work environment > would be to leave it. Or remark that a stiff would be a better boss > eventhough the decomposition would start to make everyone puke. I would > turn to my coworker after the boss left after berating me. "You know > that’s my favorite part of our boss his back because when I see that > I’m so much happier. Or I’d say geez I had more intelligent > conversations with people who have been dead for a while. Or say > he’s always like that when he forgets to take his medication. > Anyone who attacks Katz becomes the butt of jokes. Anyone who refuses to > joke around gets made fun of. Well I guess someone put too much starch > in that kid’s underwear. I’m trying to imagine him with a personality > I can’t do it.
Response:
Can anyone tell me what all the varieties of post are like. Well I know my post traumatic causes me to have a little trouble with authority. It’s not that I want to give authority a hard time it just happens ok. Well I don’t suppose it should be an excuse but I was pretty badly abused by authority and even worse by my peers. It may have been my own fault I don’t know but I’m a little hostile and distrustful of authority because life experience made me that way. A little wary of anyone offering to take care of everything or the assurances that everything will be ok. Or telling me to think positively it’s kind of hard when you’re brother is dead cause some asshole drank too damn much and decided that he could drive like that. Then he got off on a technicality because the police fucked up. It’s kind of hard to think positively when you want to kill your peers or at least larydectomize them so they will stop pissing you off all the time by getting in your face and calling you retarded all the time. Why should people expect me to be any different after I dealt with 22 years of hell? I mean how do you deal with the fact that your choir master as a kid was a pedophile. How are you supposed to forgive an adult who taped your entire cabin full of girls mouths shut. How are you supposed to deal with the fact that your preschool teacher alternated between berating and humiliating you at every opportunity and neglecting you. How are you supposed respect authority when you can’t depend on them to do the right thing. How are you supposed to trust authority when you call them in and the situation gets even worse because of them. How am I supposed to forgive the system for not getting justice for me or caring enough to do the job right? How am I supposed to trust the education system when they refuse to do what federal law requires and I can’t make them without suing them. They hold the cards if I could just sue the entire state in federal court the judge would basically order them to comply with federal law. The publicity would be a nightmare for their reelection campaign even if I lost. I think it would be hillarious to do that to them. How am I supposed to deal with the fact that while most people were dreaming about what they wanted to be I was trying to figure out how to keep the abusive fuckers off my peers and myself. Also taking out the school yard bully. Also trying to figure out how to keep ass in one piece while authority was no help at all. In some cases I figured out how to completely trash an abusive teacher without getting my arse busted in the process. I completely destroyed a college professor because he really pissed me off I damn nearly cleaned his damn clock. I’ve never wanted to punch a person more than I wanted to clock that professor and the only reason I didn’t slug him was that I’d taken ritalin and it helped me resist the urge to punch Headington right in his arrogant face. The reason I wanted to slug the fucker was that he humiliated a fellow student and copped an attitude with me when I suggested he apologize to that student. I might scream at a student grab him by his shirt shove him out of the way if I was in a hurry or lose my damn temper and go off like a nuke all the time but I would never humiliate a student who was trying to give me what I wanted from him. I might be completely crazy and I have gotten a little rough with people physically but I do not make an even bigger mess of a student than I can avoid. If I realized I had done so accidentally then I would apologize to that student in front of the entire class. I do not want to be the reason a student is afraid to speak in front of a group. It’s not only wrong but extremely counterproductive. If you didn’t care about that student at all just wanted him to deliver the information in an organized fashion if the kid is about to piss his pants then he won’t do a good job. I’d tell him relax I don’t bite-much or that often. Or relax I had another student for breakfast and it’s not lunch time yet even if you mess up I promise you won’t get hurt. If he’s terrified of being humiliated then he won’t give me what I need to know. He’ll forget the pertainate facts and tank the briefing. I can’t help it I love messing with people too much to stop. I’d make a student think he was in big trouble when I was just trying to figure out what was the matter with him. I think it’s funny to do that sort of thing. Get him thinking oh shit now I’ve really done it. It’s not cool to be the teacher’s pet so I’d discourage it that way. Why should I look for approval from a bunch of kids? I say their safety comes first, their dignity comes second and their friendship comes last if it is considered at all. If they are afraid that one of their classmates might hurt them then they cannot concentrate on what I am trying to teach them. If they are afraid I might humiliate them in front of their peers then they will be afraid to learn. If I do not have respect for who they are then they will not learn to respect themselves and if they feel rejected by their teacher then they won’t feel welcom e in the classroom it will become a place where they failed and it will cripple them in the future in their education. I think I’d make a very good teacher except for my enjoyment of scaring the hell out of the students on a regular basis and acting like a bad ass. Well it’s not acting I really am that bad. Which I hope they never see that side of me but sometimes an idiot decides to see how far he can push you and you are trying not to and you just snap. I’d feel comfortable with a teacher who didn’t give a shit whether I liked them or not. Because I’ve had teachers who looked for the approval of the popular girls and left me to fend for myself. They let the other kids torture me because they were looking to prop up their sagging self-esteem by catering to the mob rather than protect a weak and terrified girl. They betrayed me because they were looking for approval rather than make certain that it was safe for all their girls. Well I had to deal with the others myself and that led to some interesting consequences. I basically hurt them back as hard as I could and made the authority look ridiculous by defying her and getting away with it. She has a self esteem crisis I decided to give her group problems to go with the low self esteem. If you aren’t good enough without the authority then you’ll never be good enough with it. If the authority is worse than useless then what is the point of cooperating with them? If an authority yells at you and berates you no matter how hard you try to please them don’t try just carry out the minimum and just figure he’s not worth the trouble of getting upset over his jack ass behavior. That he’s just a screamer and that is the way he’s going to be that is all you can reasonably expect from him and if you can’t live with the way it is then get the hell out. So you just give up on him ever doing anything except being a thorn in your side. He’s not going to like no matter what you decide to do about anything so just act like all his attacks are normal utterances and ignore the fact that he’s being really insulting. Well he can yell scream insult you and belittle you but he can’t hurt you unless you let him by believing what he is saying. If he realizes that it’s not working then he’ll stop doing it eventually because you’ve frustrated him by refusing to play his little game or let him hurt you. You emotional detach from that person while maintaining the same proximity. If you are cold towards him and impersonal looking like you wish he would crawl back under that rock he crawled out from under. Or suggest the best thing he could do to improve the work environment would be to leave it. Or remark that a stiff would be a better boss eventhough the decomposition would start to make everyone puke. I would turn to my coworker after the boss left after berating me. "You know that’s my favorite part of our boss his back because when I see that I’m so much happier. Or I’d say geez I had more intelligent conversations with people who have been dead for a while. Or say he’s always like that when he forgets to take his medication. Anyone who attacks Katz becomes the butt of jokes. Anyone who refuses to joke around gets made fun of. Well I guess someone put too much starch in that kid’s underwear. I’m trying to imagine him with a personality I can’t do it.
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