Question:
If I had the Panic Disorder all along, then why did it take the chemical thing to kick in to high gear? We are born with a propensity to respond to stress with PAs. Often it takes a severe stress such as a medical illness, divorce, pregnancy, delivery, etc. to precipitate an anxiety disorder. You were also born with a tendency towards "twitchy airways", also called asthma. When you breathed in the fumes at work, your airways reacted strongly and you ended up in the ER. This severe reaction could have precipitated PAs in a predisposed individual. Don’t confuse medical facts with what insurance companies say. Their job is to get out of paying money to people, not to make sense out of medical issues. Chip
Response:
I am not sure you are replying to my message, and I just found out is back up (don’t have a clue what happened…LOL) By no means have you offended me, and I have recently thought the same things. This will probably be long, but I feel like telling my story again..so I think I will unload here…it is as good a place as any I think LOL.so bear with me. I have several reasons for thinking that the two are related or which came first the chicken or the egg kind of thing. First of all, when I started having trouble breathing was when I had a BAD case of bronchitis. Well, I have an indian card, and at the time had no health insurance…so going to the indian clinic meant they don’t diagnose anything long term (because they dont’ want to give insurance companies pre-existing conditions) so they gave me asthma medicine, but always called it bronchitis. Well the meds they gave me really were more apt to cause anxiety than to calm it…but eventually when I began work as an officer and had my insurance dr check up… she listened to my lungs and said it was definitely asthma. After that point she changed my meds to less anxious type medication. From straight metaproterenol pills (which is what is in the inhalers that make most people shaky) to singulair (which was like gold to me) I had no further breathing problems after that point. No worse than an occasional rescue inhaler couldn’t fix anyhow. When this incident happened at work, I had been without breathing trouble for months…but my dr had already discussed my stress level with me. She started me on Buspar for the work related stress I was dealing with. I honestly feel like I have probably had some of this anxiety problem for most of my life, but it was NEVER like this is. Anyhow, the Buspar worked great for 2 weeks….then BOOM…I was more emotional, more angry, more irritated etc…than I was before. So I stopped taking the Buspar and returned to normal. When I talked with my dr about it she asked if I wanted to try something else for the anxiety. i told her that things were easing up and I thought I might just try on my own for a while. That was a couple of months before this incident happened. I hadn’t had any problems in between. Never been clausterphobic, paranoid, hypervigilant, etc. Was pretty much floating along in my own little stream without much trouble. My marriage in Sept. of last year was GREAT (Still is amazingly…even with all the stress this causes) and anxiety was the farthest thing from my mind. Then that day when the bleach fumes hit me, it was kind of stupid of me, I think looking back, not to have hit the emergency light and had a ton of officers flood into help. But I am stubborn and think I can handle everything. So I called for my Sgt to get someone to relieve me, but neglected to tell him I couldn’t breathe. Then other officers calling my post could tell and after about 20 minutes someone finally decided that I needed relief. When I got outside they took me to the infirmary and gave me 4 breathing treatments….no relief…by then an ambulance was on it’s way and so was my husband. I am sitting here, not able to breathe…listening to the dr argue with nurses about the policy because they aren’t supposed to treat staff, Which of course gets me stirred up…I think it was 80% asthma 20% pissed at that point. They were telling my husband that I couldn’t go by car, had to go by ambulance because my breathing rate was pushing 60-70 breaths per minute and if I passed out they would have to intubate me. That I wouldn’t make the 10 minute drive to the hospital without oxygen. I remember this whole thing in flashes, and some has been filled in for me. When we got to the hospital ER I was taken in for respiratory distress. ER dr’s put me on ANOTHER breathing treatment, told my husband that if I went home with him, he would probably be up all night as this made 6 albuterol treatments total (one in the ambulance) and I would be wound! Well, after a shot of steroids and some time on oxygen to make sure my Oxygen level had stabilized, I was sent home. I passed out within 10 minutes of walking through the door, and was asleep for the next 2 days for the most part. After that…my stubborn butt was going to go to work…no matter what…so I pushed myself to the dr on Monday, then went to work on Tues. didn’t matter that I still couldn’t breathe right, I was going! So I did…then started the avoidance signals…the stomach cramps the next morning…. I thought they were the stomach flu….that was the week of Christmas, so I had a holiday between. So I tried to go back on the next Monday to work. Then I had an upper respiratory infection and sinus infection (because the steroids that I had to take to get my lung swelling down make my immunity low, I catch every cold!) So that Friday I go back…then the next Monday. I don’t feel right at work, but I figure I can cope. That Tuesday, alone in my house I had what I consider my first obvious Panic Attack….I collapsed, cried for hours, screamed, yelled…you name it. Then I called some people to help me get some help. After that point, I was pretty afraid of just about everything. The PA freaked me out almost as much as the bleach exposure. I started seeing a therapist who diagnosed me with PTSD and Panic Disorder…then my primary care dr did the same. The dr that work comp sent me to (a month and a half after the initial incident) listened to my lungs..did an ex-ray, a breathing test…then listened to me freak because they had left me in a LITTLE BITTY blue exam room for 30 minutes waiting for him. He started me on Zoloft and made an appointment for the next week. I went back to him the next week and talked to him about feeling like all he was seeing the first time was the lausterphobia (because he released me to return to work, but with the restriction that I couldn’t work in an enclosed area…. excuse me??? Ever been to a prison..there are no UN enclosed areas ) He left my husband and I with the impression that he definitely thought I should be reffered to some kind of counseling…he would set it up and let us know. Well the next phone call we get is from the work comp people telling us he released me back to full duty with no restrictions. Stated that I do have a Panic Disorder but the state was in no way responsible for treating it since I had been treated for ASTHMA before (what the hell that has to do with anything I don’t know..but it worked for them). So at that point we hired an atty and had to go on our own to seek help because the state closed my case. I had 2 medical people saying it was DEFINITELY related, and one insurance whore who didn’t agree. So now we are fighting to get another chance. I have never had problems like this is causing for me. I have been a high strung person, but not overly anything really before…. Now I don’t leave my house…am afraid of the silliest things, and want my life back. If it isn’t work related then FINE…I have not been and still am not after money…only help. From day one there has been nothing I could do that would make a difference. I have done exactly what was asked of me and still it does no good. I can’t imagine how it felt to be me before, and I can’t really feel who I am now. I just feel like there are too many things that don’t add up in this. If I had the Panic Disorder all along, then why did it take the chemical thing to kick in to high gear? Wouldn’t that make it an existing condition that was relatively under control before…therefore it would STILL be because of the incident that I am where I am now? Is PTSD really that simple or is it some blanket diagnosis. I have nightmares, flashbacks, all of the things described as reasons. I thought I was going to die at several points during the attack, but since then even with the panic, I dont’ feel impending death. What does that say? I DO feel impending bad things, or like I have no control etc…lots of things like that. I don’t know. I am just the kind of person that HAS to know what I am up against….SOMEONE JUST TELL ME! I want to return to my job, but may never be able to…I have to do what it takes right now to stay on leave until I decide because my insurance is the only way I am getting help…i don’t know..I think I jsut need to sleep until it is all figured out. But I can’t do that…because I have a life (what is left of it) with my husband and stepkids that needs me to stay up. I just need a mental vacation. Believe it or not, I am much better than I was. Paxil has so far been making a little difference, with minimal side effects. Of course I have X anax for the bad days, but there weren’t enough of them to make it all month. Dr is going to have to either prescribe them regularly, or give me more than this last script cus they didn’t last near as long as the panic does LOL. I am sorry this is so long…if you are still reading this then I KNOW you have to be bored by now.. I just needed to vent I guess to a degree…Any opinions, suggestions, anything are always welcome (even if they are as scattered as this mess is LOL I can figure it out eventually ) Robin
Response:
Hi Robin! I feel so bad you have to go thru this! Yes, I agree, life-threatening job for sure. Do whatever you have to do to get some help and relief. I wish you the best! Let me know how it goes. Di – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Sounds familiar LOL. Well I was greeted this morning with a call from my husband saying my shared leave is AGAIN denied….they have ping-ponged on it so much I can’t begin to remember what their reasons are. This time it seems, my dr forgot to insert the ‘key words’ that would continue my shared leave. This means because her report didn’t state that it was SERIOUS / SEVERE / LIFE THREATENING OR Some other term, they denied my leave. This is getting ridiculous. Now it seems that ANY medical profession opinion will do…meaning they are about to get one HELL of a letter from my psychologist. Let’s see how many times she can repeat SERIOUS and SEVERE in one report. May not get life threatening in there medically but I believe she could probably state that my mind feels my job is life threatening, just to cover the bases..what do you think? I am trying to have a sense of humor today. It seems to be a little dry though. I am soooo tired of the political crap and nit-picking when my intention IS to return to work, not file some fraud claim for a settlement of huge proportions. Seems simple doesn’t it? Not so much…. I am just hoping for some idea of how to go about this issue without ending up an inmate myself from strangling some of these people (of course they would have to come to my house for me to do it because I don’t go anywhere but to see my DR!!) But enough babbling. I have my adorable 3 yr old stepson curled up behind me… he doesn’t care if I have Panic Attacks…he loves me anyway! So it is time to sign off since he is up from his nap. Til later Robin
Response:
Sounds familiar LOL. Well I was greeted this morning with a call from my husband saying my shared leave is AGAIN denied….they have ping-ponged on it so much I can’t begin to remember what their reasons are. This time it seems, my dr forgot to insert the ‘key words’ that would continue my shared leave. This means because her report didn’t state that it was SERIOUS / SEVERE / LIFE THREATENING OR Some other term, they denied my leave. This is getting ridiculous. Now it seems that ANY medical profession opinion will do…meaning they are about to get one HELL of a letter from my psychologist. Let’s see how many times she can repeat SERIOUS and SEVERE in one report. May not get life threatening in there medically but I believe she could probably state that my mind feels my job is life threatening, just to cover the bases..what do you think? I am trying to have a sense of humor today. It seems to be a little dry though. I am soooo tired of the political crap and nit-picking when my intention IS to return to work, not file some fraud claim for a settlement of huge proportions. Seems simple doesn’t it? Not so much…. I am just hoping for some idea of how to go about this issue without ending up an inmate myself from strangling some of these people (of course they would have to come to my house for me to do it because I don’t go anywhere but to see my DR!!) But enough babbling. I have my adorable 3 yr old stepson curled up behind me… he doesn’t care if I have Panic Attacks…he loves me anyway! So it is time to sign off since he is up from his nap. Til later Robin
Response:
Hi Robin! (Had to take 1/2 an Ativan after that story LOL!) Seriously, you sound so much like me. I hope I didn’t tell you this story already because I don’t want to bore you or the nice people on this ng. I got married in Feb. ‘84. About a wk. or 2 later, developed a sinus infection from the people I worked with. The dr. gave me a script; no one ever said to take it with food. I took it at home in the a.m., went to work, took maybe 3 bites of a hard roll. All of a sudden, I felt like throwing up, went to the ladies room and did a few times. I panicked so bad you wouldn’t believe it! Went back to my desk, felt like throwing up again, and I can’t remember if I actually did or just gagged, because I know for sure by the 3rd and many times after that, I would just gag. I got a ride home from a girl (car broken) and I think I stayed home the next day. The day after, I got up and just when my husband was leaving for work, I laid on the floor crying and saying I couldn’t go to work! He said what did I mean I couldn’t go to work, I HAD to go to work! Well, that’s all I had to hear. I went back and forth over the next few wks., taking sick days here and there. I got into another dept. and asked if I could come in around 11 am and work until 6 or 7 pm. I did that for a while, but could hardly eat when I was there. Finally, I couldn’t take this any longer and told them I was agor. and had to quit. (I found out thru one of my pdoc’s about agor.) To make a very long story short, I have a few yrs. of doing pretty well, then BAM, here come the PAs again. This is the 3rd time around for me in 16 yrs. I’m sick to death of them and like you, I want my life back! I’ll be seeing a new pdoc on 4/11. Who knows what will happen; maybe a change in meds (I’m scared of that). I can’t go back to an office, or really anywhere to work right now. I’m trying to get typing to do at home, but nothing has come up yet. We can’t afford this and some days it drives me nuts! Some days I can sort of cope with it. Sorry this is so long!! We’ll talk again I’m sure. Please keep hanging in there, especially with the drs. & ins. co., and let me know how everything goes. {{{Robin}}} Di PS – I also have PTSD. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -I am not sure you are replying to my message, and I just found out is back up (don’t have a clue what happened…LOL)
Response:
You wrote about asthma, are you sure the medications were really working for your astma or a security blanket for your anxiety. The reason I ask is because I was treated for over seven years and just one month ago had chest exray a breathing test done. I am healhy but anxiety is what caused it for me the tigtness in the chest almost like some one was pushing down on it. I would feel dizzy I could not understand why the doctors could not keep this from happening to me. But like you it always happened in small rooms especially if people were smoking. I thought because I had asthma that was the reason i could not breath instead of just being nervous around all those people. I I am sorry if I have offended you but maybe you are treating one problem two different ways. I hope I have been somewhat helpful rebecca
If you like this post and would like to receive updates from this blog, please subscribe our feed.