Question:
am unable at this point to give an in depth response but wanted to say that we did read all of it and heard the pain and share in some of it. We care and wish there was some way we could help. *hugs* if ok. we’re thinkin’ of you. *small smile* Rainstar – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – woke up yesterday with the understanding that i had to do something about my tooth-that’s-probably-needed-a-root-canal-for-awhile-now fairly soon. it’s swollen, such that i can’t close my teeth together without p*in, h*rts if i touch it with my tongue, occasionally thr*bs with my pulse, and this is *with* enough ibuprofen that my tummy hurts lilbit. i gots medcin i can put on so it not hurt so bad, but it still hurt lilbit. just i can ignore better. is gonna spoiler for talking bout icky phys d*sease stuff and phys n*gl*ct by FOO, k? . heh – and um for cussing a bit and not splatting. it’s the eche ee double hockey sticks word so far. this is pretty disturbing. i don’t need anyone to read this. i just needed to write it. i’m still numbed out, but in a different way. i can’t tell if it’s good or not. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it’s hard as hell…whoops – lemme go respoiler – tryin to take care of this body when i’m triggered bout whatever’s wrong with it. i’m feeling really shell shocked right now…totally numbed out; there’s a kid floating around who just takes over for a few words now and again, and it feels like she’s on first, but i’m the one talking, and it’s weird. and we can’t get anything done because no one knows what we’re supposed to be doing. do we take care of the body and stay home? or go in to work again because we said we would, and we haven’t put in enough hours at this job recently, not even close? i shoulda been f*red a long time ago from this job. anyways, job codependency aside…*sigh* we figured if we wrote about how numbed out we feel (ooh, tooth just twinged. guess cereal was a bad idea. it was the raisins. musta been. *nods wisely*)<uhh, that was a guy mocking the fact that the kids nod wisely to emphasize their words. not a good sign when the internal controls regarding mocking the kids are being ignored… then maybe we could stop feeling that way. *sigh* cuz part of what’s got us feeling like this is that we had a tooth that was infected and abcessed for about 5 years of our youth. got rid of it in 8th grade. spring of 8th grade. *sigh* i remember having problems with this tooth in 3rd grade. got rid of it cuz it was a baby tooth, and the tooth underneath was growing in. fillings fell out of the tooth, the infection had a chance to drain for the first time, so the pressure wasn’t so bad all the time. the tooth started disintegrating, piece by piece, and i yanked the biggest part of it in 8th period science class in 8th grade. teacher wouldn’t let me get a drink of water, either. had to sit there with blood and solidified pus sitting in my mouth til the end of class. but i was used to treatment like that. i know that i told my folks repeatedly bout my tooth. i couldn’t tell them too often cuz then they’d yell at me for complaining too much. and the dentist looked at it at least 4 or 5 times that i remember, and said there was nothing wrong. crying now. this is good. he said there was nothing wrong!!! i could *feel* a boil on my gumline where the pus was bulging out the skin trying to find an escape. i *told* him it was there. if he’d bothered to check the occlusion he’d have seen that the *ONLY TOOTH IN MY MOUTH* that was hitting *ANYTHING* was the one i said was sore, cuz it was swollen up higher than the other teeth. anna bigs here feel allbad cuz the tooth now is hurt same kinda hurt, but just not like as infected as bad, and cuz they tried to get the tooth taken out today so it wouldn’t hurt us no more, but when the lady said she couldn’t get me in til thursday, and the guy here said "um, it really hurts. i’m in quite a bit of pain with this." she didn’t say nothin, and the guy didn’t feel like he could ask if there wasn’t any way to treat this as an emergency, or wasn’t there someone else we could call to get this out today (cuz i went in there at, like, 10:30 in the morning this morning), so the guy feels like he didn’t do good enuf job taking care of us cuz he got triggered into feeling like our pain wasn’t important, and so he feels terribly guilty and can’t function at all right now except to be numbed out, and it’s really hard because this is the 2nd day it’s hurt like this and he feels that terrible for not being able to get it taken care of today, but my other tooth was like this, and much worse than this, for 5 years and it didn’t matter to anybody that i was so sick for so long. … um, maybe my tooth wasn’t so bad all the time. i mean it wasn’t allways swollen up so bad. and the pressure wasn’t always maddening cuz of the stuff stuck under the tooth. but anytime we got a cut it got infected, and i got yelled at cuz i picked at cuts, and it was supposed to be my fault for picking at them that they got infected. we get cuts a lot now, and they almost never get infected. and we still pick at them. and if they *do* get infected, then we take care of it for a day or two and it heals up fine. cuz while the tooth was so bad as a kid, we got an ingrown toenail, and it got infected, and it stayed infected for about 3 or 4 years, and my parents knew about that, too. i have a friend, and she has 2 kids, and one is 14 now, and i’ve known her since she was 3, and whenever the kid gets a cut or anything, the mom, she takes care of it. and if she gets sick, or her brother gets sick, they get taken care of. the body is crying again. it’s supposed to be a good thing. it stopped again. someone keeps wanting to scream "i want my mommy" inside, but we know that that wouldn’t help any. i don’t know why that person wants to scream that. i feel cold and too hot right now. i don’t like that feeling. i stood and looked out a window at a dirty buffalo winter street for awhile today. the gray dinginess, the snow piled in heaps and forgotten, the salt on the roads and crusting everything near it…reminded me so much of how it felt to be a child. there are children inside of us who see life differently. i think it’s supposed to be sad that i don’t even envy them. jennifer thomas for jt <dunno. that’s just how she signed it. feels like a version of jenny. feels like me at any age between 3 and 14 or so, when the guys and jt took over pretty solidly — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
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Response:
woke up yesterday with the understanding that i had to do something about my tooth-that’s-probably-needed-a-root-canal-for-awhile-now fairly soon. it’s swollen, such that i can’t close my teeth together without p*in, h*rts if i touch it with my tongue, occasionally thr*bs with my pulse, and this is *with* enough ibuprofen that my tummy hurts lilbit. i gots medcin i can put on so it not hurt so bad, but it still hurt lilbit. just i can ignore better. is gonna spoiler for talking bout icky phys d*sease stuff and phys n*gl*ct by FOO, k? . heh – and um for cussing a bit and not splatting. it’s the eche ee double hockey sticks word so far. this is pretty disturbing. i don’t need anyone to read this. i just needed to write it. i’m still numbed out, but in a different way. i can’t tell if it’s good or not. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it’s hard as hell…whoops – lemme go respoiler – tryin to take care of this body when i’m triggered bout whatever’s wrong with it. i’m feeling really shell shocked right now…totally numbed out; there’s a kid floating around who just takes over for a few words now and again, and it feels like she’s on first, but i’m the one talking, and it’s weird. and we can’t get anything done because no one knows what we’re supposed to be doing. do we take care of the body and stay home? or go in to work again because we said we would, and we haven’t put in enough hours at this job recently, not even close? i shoulda been f*red a long time ago from this job. anyways, job codependency aside…*sigh* we figured if we wrote about how numbed out we feel (ooh, tooth just twinged. guess cereal was a bad idea. it was the raisins. musta been. *nods wisely*)<uhh, that was a guy mocking the fact that the kids nod wisely to emphasize their words. not a good sign when the internal controls regarding mocking the kids are being ignored… then maybe we could stop feeling that way. *sigh* cuz part of what’s got us feeling like this is that we had a tooth that was infected and abcessed for about 5 years of our youth. got rid of it in 8th grade. spring of 8th grade. *sigh* i remember having problems with this tooth in 3rd grade. got rid of it cuz it was a baby tooth, and the tooth underneath was growing in. fillings fell out of the tooth, the infection had a chance to drain for the first time, so the pressure wasn’t so bad all the time. the tooth started disintegrating, piece by piece, and i yanked the biggest part of it in 8th period science class in 8th grade. teacher wouldn’t let me get a drink of water, either. had to sit there with blood and solidified pus sitting in my mouth til the end of class. but i was used to treatment like that. i know that i told my folks repeatedly bout my tooth. i couldn’t tell them too often cuz then they’d yell at me for complaining too much. and the dentist looked at it at least 4 or 5 times that i remember, and said there was nothing wrong. crying now. this is good. he said there was nothing wrong!!! i could *feel* a boil on my gumline where the pus was bulging out the skin trying to find an escape. i *told* him it was there. if he’d bothered to check the occlusion he’d have seen that the *ONLY TOOTH IN MY MOUTH* that was hitting *ANYTHING* was the one i said was sore, cuz it was swollen up higher than the other teeth. anna bigs here feel allbad cuz the tooth now is hurt same kinda hurt, but just not like as infected as bad, and cuz they tried to get the tooth taken out today so it wouldn’t hurt us no more, but when the lady said she couldn’t get me in til thursday, and the guy here said "um, it really hurts. i’m in quite a bit of pain with this." she didn’t say nothin, and the guy didn’t feel like he could ask if there wasn’t any way to treat this as an emergency, or wasn’t there someone else we could call to get this out today (cuz i went in there at, like, 10:30 in the morning this morning), so the guy feels like he didn’t do good enuf job taking care of us cuz he got triggered into feeling like our pain wasn’t important, and so he feels terribly guilty and can’t function at all right now except to be numbed out, and it’s really hard because this is the 2nd day it’s hurt like this and he feels that terrible for not being able to get it taken care of today, but my other tooth was like this, and much worse than this, for 5 years and it didn’t matter to anybody that i was so sick for so long. … um, maybe my tooth wasn’t so bad all the time. i mean it wasn’t allways swollen up so bad. and the pressure wasn’t always maddening cuz of the stuff stuck under the tooth. but anytime we got a cut it got infected, and i got yelled at cuz i picked at cuts, and it was supposed to be my fault for picking at them that they got infected. we get cuts a lot now, and they almost never get infected. and we still pick at them. and if they *do* get infected, then we take care of it for a day or two and it heals up fine. cuz while the tooth was so bad as a kid, we got an ingrown toenail, and it got infected, and it stayed infected for about 3 or 4 years, and my parents knew about that, too. i have a friend, and she has 2 kids, and one is 14 now, and i’ve known her since she was 3, and whenever the kid gets a cut or anything, the mom, she takes care of it. and if she gets sick, or her brother gets sick, they get taken care of. the body is crying again. it’s supposed to be a good thing. it stopped again. someone keeps wanting to scream "i want my mommy" inside, but we know that that wouldn’t help any. i don’t know why that person wants to scream that. i feel cold and too hot right now. i don’t like that feeling. i stood and looked out a window at a dirty buffalo winter street for awhile today. the gray dinginess, the snow piled in heaps and forgotten, the salt on the roads and crusting everything near it…reminded me so much of how it felt to be a child. there are children inside of us who see life differently. i think it’s supposed to be sad that i don’t even envy them. jennifer thomas for jt <dunno. that’s just how she signed it. feels like a version of jenny. feels like me at any age between 3 and 14 or so, when the guys and jt took over pretty solidly — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
Response:
hello, friend. no in-depth response required. the receptionist asked if there were any conditions they might need to know about. i told her bout the murmur and we discussed pre-medicating issues, no problem. i considered mentioning PTSD/DID stuff, but wasn’t sure i saw the point. i mean, chances of me not being someone who can handle p*in and loss of control issues is pretty slim. …though the kids sometimes come out around our regular dentist, which is odd to me… he’s like a good d*ddy-person to them, i guess. not sure what that means. i’m sensing a trend whereby the kids are looking for replacement ‘rents, i guess. replacement d*ddy’s, at least. we don’t trust wimmins. you’re not wimmins, apparently, cuz we feel pretty safe with you, Rainstar. cuz u feel like a lady-person who’d hold a h*rtin little person so they feel better, but you’d be starin off with t*ars in yer eyes too, cuz it’s sad that little persons got hurted. u a nice lady. *pats arm awkwardly* dunn like dat word. dat the m*mmy person’s name. "pat" i gots go sleep soon. bye jt
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – am unable at this point to give an in depth response but wanted to say that we did read all of it and heard the pain and share in some of it. We care and wish there was some way we could help. *hugs* if ok. we’re thinkin’ of you. *small smile* Rainstar woke up yesterday with the understanding that i had to do something about my tooth-that’s-probably-needed-a-root-canal-for-awhile-now fairly soon. it’s swollen, such that i can’t close my teeth together without p*in, h*rts if i touch it with my tongue, occasionally thr*bs with my pulse, and this is *with* enough ibuprofen that my tummy hurts lilbit. i gots medcin i can put on so it not hurt so bad, but it still hurt lilbit. just i can ignore better. is gonna spoiler for talking bout icky phys d*sease stuff and phys n*gl*ct by FOO, k? . heh – and um for cussing a bit and not splatting. it’s the eche ee double hockey sticks word so far. this is pretty disturbing. i don’t need anyone to read this. i just needed to write it. i’m still numbed out, but in a different way. i can’t tell if it’s good or not. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it’s hard as hell…whoops – lemme go respoiler – tryin to take care of this body when i’m triggered bout whatever’s wrong with it. i’m feeling really shell shocked right now…totally numbed out; there’s a kid floating around who just takes over for a few words now and again, and it feels like she’s on first, but i’m the one talking, and it’s weird. and we can’t get anything done because no one knows what we’re supposed to be doing. do we take care of the body and stay home? or go in to work again because we said we would, and we haven’t put in enough hours at this job recently, not even close? i shoulda been f*red a long time ago from this job. anyways, job codependency aside…*sigh* we figured if we wrote about how numbed out we feel (ooh, tooth just twinged. guess cereal was a bad idea. it was the raisins. musta been. *nods wisely*)<uhh, that was a guy mocking the fact that the kids nod wisely to emphasize their words. not a good sign when the internal controls regarding mocking the kids are being ignored… then maybe we could stop feeling that way. *sigh* cuz part of what’s got us feeling like this is that we had a tooth that was infected and abcessed for about 5 years of our youth. got rid of it in 8th grade. spring of 8th grade. *sigh* i remember having problems with this tooth in 3rd grade. got rid of it cuz it was a baby tooth, and the tooth underneath was growing in. fillings fell out of the tooth, the infection had a chance to drain for the first time, so the pressure wasn’t so bad all the time. the tooth started disintegrating, piece by piece, and i yanked the biggest part of it in 8th period science class in 8th grade. teacher wouldn’t let me get a drink of water, either. had to sit there with blood and solidified pus sitting in my mouth til the end of class. but i was used to treatment like that. i know that i told my folks repeatedly bout my tooth. i couldn’t tell them too often cuz then they’d yell at me for complaining too much. and the dentist looked at it at least 4 or 5 times that i remember, and said there was nothing wrong. crying now. this is good. he said there was nothing wrong!!! i could *feel* a boil on my gumline where the pus was bulging out the skin trying to find an escape. i *told* him it was there. if he’d bothered to check the occlusion he’d have seen that the *ONLY TOOTH IN MY MOUTH* that was hitting *ANYTHING* was the one i said was sore, cuz it was swollen up higher than the other teeth. anna bigs here feel allbad cuz the tooth now is hurt same kinda hurt, but just not like as infected as bad, and cuz they tried to get the tooth taken out today so it wouldn’t hurt us no more, but when the lady said she couldn’t get me in til thursday, and the guy here said "um, it really hurts. i’m in quite a bit of pain with this." she didn’t say nothin, and the guy didn’t feel like he could ask if there wasn’t any way to treat this as an emergency, or wasn’t there someone else we could call to get this out today (cuz i went in there at, like, 10:30 in the morning this morning), so the guy feels like he didn’t do good enuf job taking care of us cuz he got triggered into feeling like our pain wasn’t important, and so he feels terribly guilty and can’t function at all right now except to be numbed out, and it’s really hard because this is the 2nd day it’s hurt like this and he feels that terrible for not being able to get it taken care of today, but my other tooth was like this, and much worse than this, for 5 years and it didn’t matter to anybody that i was so sick for so long. … um, maybe my tooth wasn’t so bad all the time. i mean it wasn’t allways swollen up so bad. and the pressure wasn’t always maddening cuz of the stuff stuck under the tooth. but anytime we got a cut it got infected, and i got yelled at cuz i picked at cuts, and it was supposed to be my fault for picking at them that they got infected. we get cuts a lot now, and they almost never get infected. and we still pick at them. and if they *do* get infected, then we take care of it for a day or two and it heals up fine. cuz while the tooth was so bad as a kid, we got an ingrown toenail, and it got infected, and it stayed infected for about 3 or 4 years, and my parents knew about that, too. i have a friend, and she has 2 kids, and one is 14 now, and i’ve known her since she was 3, and whenever the kid gets a cut or anything, the mom, she takes care of it. and if she gets sick, or her brother gets sick, they get taken care of. the body is crying again. it’s supposed to be a good thing. it stopped again. someone keeps wanting to scream "i want my mommy" inside, but we know that that wouldn’t help any. i don’t know why that person wants to scream that. i feel cold and too hot right now. i don’t like that feeling. i stood and looked out a window at a dirty buffalo winter street for awhile today. the gray dinginess, the snow piled in heaps and forgotten, the salt on the roads and crusting everything near it…reminded me so much of how it felt to be a child. there are children inside of us who see life differently. i think it’s supposed to be sad that i don’t even envy them. jennifer thomas for jt <dunno. that’s just how she signed it. feels like a version of jenny. feels like me at any age between 3 and 14 or so, when the guys and jt took over pretty solidly — "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa — To e-mail remove extra from address — For more information about this NNTP posting service, contact: If you want an anonymous account, visit our sign-up page: https://asarian-host.net/cgi-bin/signup.cgi
Response:
Hi jt, I read it, so see you beneath the spoiler if you want some company – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – this is pretty disturbing. i don’t need anyone to read this. i just needed to write it. i’m still numbed out, but in a different way. i can’t tell if it’s good or not. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it’s hard as hell…whoops – lemme go respoiler – tryin to take care of this body when i’m triggered bout whatever’s wrong with it.
That’s true, I have a lot of problems with anything remotely medical too. It makes it very difficult to go for treatment. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – i’m feeling really shell shocked right now…totally numbed out; there’s a kid floating around who just takes over for a few words now and again, and it feels like she’s on first, but i’m the one talking, and it’s weird. and we can’t get anything done because no one knows what we’re supposed to be doing. do we take care of the body and stay home? or go in to work again because we said we would, and we haven’t put in enough hours at this job recently, not even close? i shoulda been f*red a long time ago from this job. anyways, job codependency aside…*sigh* we figured if we wrote about how numbed out we feel (ooh, tooth just twinged. guess cereal was a bad idea. it was the raisins. musta been. *nods wisely*)<uhh, that was a guy mocking the fact that the kids nod wisely to emphasize their words. not a good sign when the internal controls regarding mocking the kids are being ignored… then maybe we could stop feeling that way. *sigh* cuz part of what’s got us feeling like this is that we had a tooth that was infected and abcessed for about 5 years of our youth. got rid of it in 8th grade. spring of 8th grade. *sigh* i remember having problems with this tooth in 3rd grade. got rid of it cuz it was a baby tooth, and the tooth underneath was growing in. fillings fell out of the tooth, the infection had a chance to drain for the first time, so the pressure wasn’t so bad all the time. the tooth started disintegrating, piece by piece, and i yanked the biggest part of it in 8th period science class in 8th grade. teacher wouldn’t let me get a drink of water, either. had to sit there with blood and solidified pus sitting in my mouth til the end of class.
This is such a sad story and it makes me feel really pissed off with whoever was supposed to be taking care of you. I am so impressed that you took the tooth out yourself! I had similar physical neglect issues as a kid. With me it was my tonsils. They got infected when I was one and a half yrs, and then kept getting tonsilitis and couldn’t breathe tru my nose til I was 10. My m**h*r made half-hearted attempts to get trtmnt but the doc was a jerk nearing retirement and just gave linctus for everything. I got so thin that photos from when I was 8 & 9 show these sk*l*t*n like limbs {they later destroyed these and other photos when they knew I was getting thrpy}. Anyway, Mthr would send me out for compulsory outdoor play for hours at a time when I was sick and feverish, and I would just sit on the street corner until it was time to come back in again. (She has a history of rejecting me in lots of ways). Luckily when the doc retired a new guy took one look at me and phoned the hospital. When they examined me all the glands in my neck chest and abdomen were bacterially infected. I got my tonsils taken out. but i was used to treatment like that.
sounds like a n*sty teacher too. i know that i told my folks repeatedly bout my tooth. i couldn’t tell them too often cuz then they’d yell at me for complaining too much. and the dentist looked at it at least 4 or 5 times that i remember, and said there was nothing wrong. crying now. this is good. he said there was nothing wrong!!! i could *feel* a boil on my gumline where the pus was bulging out the skin trying to find an escape. i *told* him it was there. if he’d bothered to check the occlusion he’d have seen that the *ONLY TOOTH IN MY MOUTH* that was hitting *ANYTHING* was the one i said was sore, cuz it was swollen up higher than the other teeth.
What a total j*rk!! It’s bad enough when just one lot of ppl let you down but when school and healthcare ppl are just as bad that’s unlucky. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – anna bigs here feel allbad cuz the tooth now is hurt same kinda hurt, but just not like as infected as bad, and cuz they tried to get the tooth taken out today so it wouldn’t hurt us no more, but when the lady said she couldn’t get me in til thursday, and the guy here said "um, it really hurts. i’m in quite a bit of pain with this." she didn’t say nothin, and the guy didn’t feel like he could ask if there wasn’t any way to treat this as an emergency, or wasn’t there someone else we could call to get this out today (cuz i went in there at, like, 10:30 in the morning this morning), so the guy feels like he didn’t do good enuf job taking care of us cuz he got triggered into feeling like our pain wasn’t important, and so he feels terribly guilty and can’t function at all right now except to be numbed out, and it’s really hard because this is the 2nd day it’s hurt like this and he feels that terrible for not being able to get it taken care of today, but my other tooth was like this, and much worse than this, for 5 years and it didn’t matter to anybody that i was so sick for so long. … um, maybe my tooth wasn’t so bad all the time. i mean it wasn’t allways swollen up so bad. and the pressure wasn’t always maddening cuz of the stuff stuck under the tooth. but anytime we got a cut it got infected, and i got yelled at cuz i picked at cuts, and it was supposed to be my fault for picking at them that they got infected. we get cuts a lot now, and they almost never get infected. and we still pick at them. and if they *do* get infected, then we take care of it for a day or two and it heals up fine. cuz while the tooth was so bad as a kid, we got an ingrown toenail, and it got infected, and it stayed infected for about 3 or 4 years, and my parents knew about that, too.
This really makes me cringe. I’m sorry you had to put up with that too. i have a friend, and she has 2 kids, and one is 14 now, and i’ve known her since she was 3, and whenever the kid gets a cut or anything, the mom, she takes care of it. and if she gets sick, or her brother gets sick, they get taken care of.
This is exactly what you deserved too. And me aswell. the body is crying again. it’s supposed to be a good thing. it stopped again. someone keeps wanting to scream "i want my mommy" inside, but we know that that wouldn’t help any. i don’t know why that person wants to scream that.
I get exactly the same thing an it always confused me cos I hated her from the first thing I can remember and that was at 18mths. i feel cold and too hot right now. i don’t like that feeling. i stood and looked out a window at a dirty buffalo winter street for awhile today. the gray dinginess, the snow piled in heaps and forgotten, the salt on the roads and crusting everything near it…reminded me so much of how it felt to be a child. there are children inside of us who see life differently. i think it’s supposed to be sad that i don’t even envy them. jennifer thomas for jt <dunno. that’s just how she signed it. feels like a version of jenny. feels like me at any age between 3 and 14 or so, when the guys and jt took over pretty solidly
I hope you feel better for cryin an all. Take care. In companionship Songbird. "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa
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Response:
hello, friend.
‘ello.. 
no in-depth response required.
*gentle smile* thanks. nice to have friends who understand when one can’t answer as deeply as one would like to.. the receptionist asked if there were any conditions they might need to know about. i told her bout the murmur and we discussed pre-medicating issues, no problem. i considered mentioning PTSD/DID stuff, but wasn’t sure i saw the point. i mean, chances of me not being someone who can handle p*in and loss of control issues is pretty slim. …though the kids sometimes come out around our regular dentist, which is odd to me… he’s like a good d*ddy-person to them, i guess.
*nod* Ours were always da m*mmy-persons. Had *LOTS* of substitute m*ms growing up.. some we still call m*m (childhood best friend’s m*m for example). not sure what that means. i’m sensing a trend whereby the kids are looking for replacement ‘rents, i guess. replacement d*ddy’s, at least. we don’t trust wimmins. you’re not wimmins, apparently, cuz we feel pretty safe with you, Rainstar. cuz u feel like a lady-person who’d hold a h*rtin little person so they feel better, but you’d be starin off with t*ars in yer eyes too, cuz it’s sad that little persons got hurted. u a nice lady. *pats arm awkwardly*
First time I read that I must admit it took me by surprise. *grin* I was thinkin.. ok.. if I’m not wimmins.. what the heck am I? 
But you’re right.. I’d be more than glad to hold a lil’one who was h*rtin but would be sad cuz they were h*rt in the first place. Am glad that you think I’m nice. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. *hugs* if ok. dunn like dat word. dat the m*mmy person’s name. "pat"
Hmmm.. brain must be all jiggly from the pillow fight (;) ) cuz right now can’t think of a word you could use instead. Will keep thinking. But not too hard or smoke will come out our ears. jk. i gots go sleep soon.
Yeah me too.. should be productive tomorrow and maybe accomplish at least one thing on my 2003 goal list. bye
buh-bye.. *wave* Rainstar – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – jt am unable at this point to give an in depth response but wanted to say that we did read all of it and heard the pain and share in some of it. We care and wish there was some way we could help. *hugs* if ok. we’re thinkin’ of you. *small smile* Rainstar woke up yesterday with the understanding that i had to do something about my tooth-that’s-probably-needed-a-root-canal-for-awhile-now fairly soon. it’s swollen, such that i can’t close my teeth together without p*in, h*rts if i touch it with my tongue, occasionally thr*bs with my pulse, and this is *with* enough ibuprofen that my tummy hurts lilbit. i gots medcin i can put on so it not hurt so bad, but it still hurt lilbit. just i can ignore better. is gonna spoiler for talking bout icky phys d*sease stuff and phys n*gl*ct by FOO, k? . heh – and um for cussing a bit and not splatting. it’s the eche ee double hockey sticks word so far. this is pretty disturbing. i don’t need anyone to read this. i just needed to write it. i’m still numbed out, but in a different way. i can’t tell if it’s good or not. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it’s hard as hell…whoops – lemme go respoiler – tryin to take care of this body when i’m triggered bout whatever’s wrong with it. i’m feeling really shell shocked right now…totally numbed out; there’s a kid floating around who just takes over for a few words now and again, and it feels like she’s on first, but i’m the one talking, and it’s weird. and we can’t get anything done because no one knows what we’re supposed to be doing. do we take care of the body and stay home? or go in to work again because we said we would, and we haven’t put in enough hours at this job recently, not even close? i shoulda been f*red a long time ago from this job. anyways, job codependency aside…*sigh* we figured if we wrote about how numbed out we feel (ooh, tooth just twinged. guess cereal was a bad idea. it was the raisins. musta been. *nods wisely*)<uhh, that was a guy mocking the fact that the kids nod wisely to emphasize their words. not a good sign when the internal controls regarding mocking the kids are being ignored… then maybe we could stop feeling that way. *sigh* cuz part of what’s got us feeling like this is that we had a tooth that was infected and abcessed for about 5 years of our youth. got rid of it in 8th grade. spring of 8th grade. *sigh* i remember having problems with this tooth in 3rd grade. got rid of it cuz it was a baby tooth, and the tooth underneath was growing in. fillings fell out of the tooth, the infection had a chance to drain for the first time, so the pressure wasn’t so bad all the time. the tooth started disintegrating, piece by piece, and i yanked the biggest part of it in 8th period science class in 8th grade. teacher wouldn’t let me get a drink of water, either. had to sit there with blood and solidified pus sitting in my mouth til the end of class. but i was used to treatment like that. i know that i told my folks repeatedly bout my tooth. i couldn’t tell them too often cuz then they’d yell at me for complaining too much. and the dentist looked at it at least 4 or 5 times that i remember, and said there was nothing wrong. crying now. this is good. he said there was nothing wrong!!! i could *feel* a boil on my gumline where the pus was bulging out the skin trying to find an escape. i *told* him it was there. if he’d bothered to check the occlusion he’d have seen that the *ONLY TOOTH IN MY MOUTH* that was hitting *ANYTHING* was the one i said was sore, cuz it was swollen up higher than the other teeth. anna bigs here feel allbad cuz the tooth now is hurt same kinda hurt, but just not like as infected as bad, and cuz they tried to get the tooth taken out today so it wouldn’t hurt us no more, but when the lady said she couldn’t get me in til thursday, and the guy here said "um, it really hurts. i’m in quite a bit of pain with this." she didn’t say nothin, and the guy didn’t feel like he could ask if there wasn’t any way to treat this as an emergency, or wasn’t there someone else we could call to get this out today (cuz i went in there at, like, 10:30 in the morning this morning), so the guy feels like he didn’t do good enuf job taking care of us cuz he got triggered into feeling like our pain wasn’t important, and so he feels terribly guilty and can’t function at all right now except to be numbed out, and it’s really hard because this is the 2nd day it’s hurt like this and he feels that terrible for not being able to get it taken care of today, but my other tooth was like this, and much worse than this, for 5 years and it didn’t matter to anybody that i was so sick for so long. … um, maybe my tooth wasn’t so bad all the time. i mean it wasn’t allways swollen up so bad. and the pressure wasn’t always maddening cuz of the stuff stuck under the tooth. but anytime we got a cut it got infected, and i got yelled at cuz i picked at cuts, and it was supposed to be my fault for picking at them that they got infected. we get cuts a lot now, and they almost never get infected. and we still pick at them. and if they *do* get infected, then we take care of it for a day or two and it heals up fine. cuz while the tooth was so bad as a kid, we got an ingrown toenail, and it got infected, and it stayed infected for about 3 or 4 years, and my parents knew about that, too. i have a friend, and she has 2 kids, and one is 14 now, and i’ve known her since she was 3, and whenever the kid gets a cut or anything, the mom, she takes care of it. and if she gets sick, or her brother gets sick, they get taken care of. the body is crying again. it’s supposed to be a good thing. it stopped again. someone keeps wanting to scream "i want my mommy" inside, but we know that that wouldn’t help any. i don’t know why that person wants to scream that. i feel cold and too hot right now. i don’t like that feeling. i stood and looked out a window at a dirty buffalo winter street for awhile today. the gray dinginess, the snow piled in heaps and forgotten, the salt on the roads and crusting everything near it…reminded me so much of how it felt to be a child. there are children inside of us who see life differently. i think it’s supposed to be sad that i don’t even envy them. jennifer thomas for jt <dunno. that’s just how she signed it. feels like a version of jenny. feels like me at any age between 3 and 14 or so, when the guys and jt took
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Response:
hey there… thanks fer walkin with me on this one. still having issues cuz of it. have regressed a bit. get to see T tomorrow. might help. *shrugs* stay cool… jt (Thomas, mostly)
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi jt, I read it, so see you beneath the spoiler if you want some company this is pretty disturbing. i don’t need anyone to read this. i just needed to write it. i’m still numbed out, but in a different way. i can’t tell if it’s good or not. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it’s hard as hell…whoops – lemme go respoiler – tryin to take care of this body when i’m triggered bout whatever’s wrong with it. That’s true, I have a lot of problems with anything
remotely medical too. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – It makes it very difficult to go for treatment. i’m feeling really shell shocked right now…totally numbed out; there’s a kid floating around who just takes over for a few words now and again, and it feels like she’s on first, but i’m the one talking, and it’s weird. and we can’t get anything done because no one knows what we’re supposed to be doing. do we take care of the body and stay home? or go in to work again because we said we would, and we haven’t put in enough hours at this job recently, not even close? i shoulda been f*red a long time ago from this job. anyways, job codependency aside…*sigh* we figured if we wrote about how numbed out we feel (ooh, tooth just twinged. guess cereal was a bad idea. it was the raisins. musta been. *nods wisely*)<uhh, that was a guy mocking the fact that the kids nod wisely to emphasize their words. not a good sign when the internal controls regarding mocking the kids are being ignored… then maybe we could stop feeling that way. *sigh* cuz part of what’s got us feeling like this is that we had a tooth that was infected and abcessed for about 5 years of our youth. got rid of it in 8th grade. spring of 8th grade. *sigh* i remember having problems with this tooth in 3rd grade. got rid of it cuz it was a baby tooth, and the tooth underneath was growing in. fillings fell out of the tooth, the infection had a chance to drain for the first time, so the pressure wasn’t so bad all the time. the tooth started disintegrating, piece by piece, and i yanked the biggest part of it in 8th period science class in 8th grade. teacher wouldn’t let me get a drink of water, either. had to sit there with blood and solidified pus sitting in my mouth til the end of class. This is such a sad story and it makes me feel really
pissed off with whoever was supposed to be taking care of you. I am so impressed that you took the tooth out yourself! I had similar physical neglect issues as a kid. With me it was my tonsils. They got infected when I was one and a half yrs, and then kept getting tonsilitis and couldn’t breathe tru my nose til I was 10. My m**h*r made half-hearted attempts to get trtmnt but the doc was a jerk nearing retirement and just gave linctus for everything. I got so thin that photos from when I was 8 & 9 show these sk*l*t*n like limbs {they later destroyed these and other photos when they knew I was getting
thrpy}. Anyway, Mthr would send me out for compulsory outdoor play for hours at a time when I was sick and feverish, and I would just sit on the street corner until it was time to come back in again. (She has a history of
rejecting me in lots of – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – ways). Luckily when the doc retired a new guy took one look at me and phoned the hospital. When they examined me all the glands in my neck chest and abdomen were bacterially infected. I got my tonsils taken out. but i was used to treatment like that. sounds like a n*sty teacher too. i know that i told my folks repeatedly bout my tooth. i couldn’t tell them too often cuz then they’d yell at me for complaining too much. and the dentist looked at it at least 4 or 5 times that i remember, and said there was nothing wrong. crying now. this is good. he said there was nothing wrong!!! i could *feel* a boil on my gumline where the pus was bulging out the skin trying to find an escape. i *told* him it was there. if he’d bothered to check the occlusion he’d have seen that the *ONLY TOOTH IN MY MOUTH* that was hitting *ANYTHING* was the one i said was sore, cuz it was swollen up higher than the other teeth. What a total j*rk!! It’s bad enough when just one lot of ppl let you down but when school and healthcare ppl are just as bad that’s unlucky. anna bigs here feel allbad cuz the tooth now is hurt same kinda hurt, but just not like as infected as bad, and cuz they tried to get the tooth taken out today so it wouldn’t hurt us no more, but when the lady said she couldn’t get me in til thursday, and the guy here said "um, it really hurts. i’m in quite a bit of pain with this." she didn’t say nothin, and the guy didn’t feel like he could ask if there wasn’t any way to treat this as an emergency, or wasn’t there someone else we could call to get this out today (cuz i went in there at, like, 10:30 in the morning this morning), so the guy feels like he didn’t do good enuf job taking care of us cuz he got triggered into feeling like our pain wasn’t important, and so he feels terribly guilty and can’t function at all right now except to be numbed out, and it’s really hard because this is the 2nd day it’s hurt like this and he feels that terrible for not being able to get it taken care of today, but my other tooth was like this, and much worse than this, for 5 years and it didn’t matter to anybody that i was so sick for so long. … um, maybe my tooth wasn’t so bad all the time. i mean it wasn’t allways swollen up so bad. and the pressure wasn’t always maddening cuz of the stuff stuck under the tooth. but anytime we got a cut it got infected, and i got yelled at cuz i picked at cuts, and it was supposed to be my fault for picking at them that they got infected. we get cuts a lot now, and they almost never get infected. and we still pick at them. and if they *do* get infected, then we take care of it for a day or two and it heals up fine. cuz while the tooth was so bad as a kid, we got an ingrown toenail, and it got infected, and it stayed infected for about 3 or 4 years, and my parents knew about that, too. This really makes me cringe. I’m sorry you had to put up with that too. i have a friend, and she has 2 kids, and one is 14 now, and i’ve known her since she was 3, and whenever the kid gets a cut or anything, the mom, she takes care of it. and if she gets sick, or her brother gets sick, they get taken care of. This is exactly what you deserved too. And me aswell. the body is crying again. it’s supposed to be a good thing. it stopped again. someone keeps wanting to scream "i want my mommy" inside, but we know that that wouldn’t help any. i don’t know why that person wants to scream that. I get exactly the same thing an it always confused me cos I hated her from the first thing I can remember and that was at 18mths. i feel cold and too hot right now. i don’t like that feeling. i stood and looked out a window at a dirty buffalo winter street for awhile today. the gray dinginess, the snow piled in heaps and forgotten, the salt on the roads and crusting everything near it…reminded me so much of how it felt to be a child. there are children inside of us who see life differently. i think it’s supposed to be sad that i don’t even envy them. jennifer thomas for jt <dunno. that’s just how she signed it. feels like a version of jenny. feels like me at any age between 3 and 14 or so, when the guys and jt took over pretty solidly I hope you feel better for cryin an all. Take care. In companionship Songbird. "It is astonishing, really, how many thoroughly mature, well-adjusted grown-ups harbor a teddy bear — which is perhaps why they are thoroughly mature and well-adjusted." — Joseph Lempa — For info about this service, see
http://anon.twwells.com/help/ or e-mail: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – help message administrator
Response:
*hee* my resolution was "no lists of expectations for myself". :) *waves* jt (a little)
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hello, friend. ‘ello.. no in-depth response required. *gentle smile* thanks. nice to have friends who understand when one can’t answer as deeply as one would like to.. the receptionist asked if there were any conditions they might need to know about. i told her bout the murmur and we discussed pre-medicating issues, no problem. i considered mentioning PTSD/DID stuff, but wasn’t sure i saw the point. i mean, chances of me not being someone who can handle p*in and loss of control issues is pretty slim. …though the kids sometimes come out around our regular dentist, which is odd to me… he’s like a good d*ddy-person to them, i guess. *nod* Ours were always da m*mmy-persons. Had *LOTS* of substitute m*ms growing up.. some we still call m*m (childhood best friend’s m*m for example). not sure what that means. i’m sensing a trend whereby the kids are looking for replacement ‘rents, i guess. replacement d*ddy’s, at least. we don’t trust wimmins. you’re not wimmins, apparently, cuz we feel pretty safe with you, Rainstar. cuz u feel like a lady-person who’d hold a h*rtin little person so they feel better, but you’d be starin off with t*ars in yer eyes too, cuz it’s sad that little persons got hurted. u a nice lady. *pats arm awkwardly* First time I read that I must admit it took me by surprise. *grin* I was thinkin.. ok.. if I’m not wimmins.. what the heck am I? But you’re right.. I’d be more than glad to hold a lil’one who was h*rtin but would be sad cuz they were h*rt in the first place. Am glad that you think I’m nice. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. *hugs* if ok. dunn like dat word. dat the m*mmy person’s name. "pat" Hmmm.. brain must be all jiggly from the pillow fight (;) ) cuz right now can’t think of a word you could use instead. Will keep thinking. But not too hard or smoke will come out our ears. jk. i gots go sleep soon. Yeah me too.. should be productive tomorrow and maybe accomplish at least one thing on my 2003 goal list. bye buh-bye.. *wave* Rainstar jt
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – am unable at this point to give an in depth response but wanted to say that we did read all of it and heard the pain and share in some of it. We care and wish there was some way we could help. *hugs* if ok. we’re thinkin’ of you. *small smile* Rainstar woke up yesterday with the understanding that i had to do something about my tooth-that’s-probably-needed-a-root-canal-for-awhile-now fairly soon. it’s swollen, such that i can’t close my teeth together without p*in, h*rts if i touch it with my tongue, occasionally thr*bs with my pulse, and this is *with* enough ibuprofen that my tummy hurts lilbit. i gots medcin i can put on so it not hurt so bad, but it still hurt lilbit. just i can ignore better. is gonna spoiler for talking bout icky phys d*sease stuff and phys n*gl*ct by FOO, k? . heh – and um for cussing a bit and not splatting. it’s the eche ee double hockey sticks word so far. this is pretty disturbing. i don’t need anyone to read this. i just needed to write it. i’m still numbed out, but in a different way. i can’t tell if it’s good or not. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it’s hard as hell…whoops – lemme go respoiler – tryin to take care of this body when i’m triggered bout whatever’s wrong with it. i’m feeling really shell shocked right now…totally numbed out; there’s a kid floating around who just takes over for a few words now and again, and it feels like she’s on first, but i’m the one talking, and it’s weird. and we can’t get anything done because no one knows what we’re supposed to be doing. do we take care of the body and stay home? or go in to work again because we said we would, and we haven’t put in enough hours at this job recently, not even close? i shoulda been f*red a long time ago from this job. anyways, job codependency aside…*sigh* we figured if we wrote about how numbed out we feel (ooh, tooth just twinged. guess cereal was a bad idea. it was the raisins. musta been. *nods wisely*)<uhh, that was a guy mocking the fact that the kids nod wisely to emphasize their words. not a good sign when the internal controls regarding mocking the kids are being ignored… then maybe we could stop feeling that way. *sigh* cuz part of what’s got us feeling like this is that we had a tooth that was infected and abcessed for about 5 years of our youth. got rid of it in 8th grade. spring of 8th grade. *sigh* i remember having problems with this tooth in 3rd grade. got rid of it cuz it was a baby tooth, and the tooth underneath was growing in. fillings fell out of the tooth, the infection had a chance to drain for the first time, so the pressure wasn’t so bad all the time. the tooth started disintegrating, piece by piece, and i yanked the biggest part of it in 8th period science class in 8th grade. teacher wouldn’t let me get a drink of water, either. had to sit there with blood and solidified pus sitting in my mouth til the end of class. but i was used to treatment like that. i know that i told my folks repeatedly bout my tooth. i couldn’t tell them too often cuz then they’d yell at me for complaining too much. and the dentist looked at it at least 4 or 5 times that i remember, and said there was nothing wrong. crying now. this is good. he said there was nothing wrong!!! i could *feel* a boil on my gumline where the pus was bulging out the skin trying to find an escape. i *told* him it was there. if he’d bothered to check the occlusion he’d have seen that the *ONLY TOOTH IN MY MOUTH* that was hitting *ANYTHING* was the one i said was sore, cuz it was swollen up higher than the other teeth. anna bigs here feel allbad cuz the tooth now is hurt same kinda hurt, but just not like as infected as bad, and cuz they tried to get the tooth taken out today so it wouldn’t hurt us no more, but when the lady said she couldn’t get me in til thursday, and the guy here said "um, it really hurts. i’m in quite a bit of pain with this." she didn’t say nothin, and the guy didn’t feel like he could ask if there wasn’t any way to treat this as an emergency, or wasn’t there someone else we could call to get this out today (cuz i went in there at, like, 10:30 in the morning this morning), so the guy feels like he didn’t do good enuf job taking care of us cuz he got triggered into feeling like our pain wasn’t important, and so he feels terribly guilty and can’t function at all right now except to be numbed out, and it’s really hard because this is the 2nd day it’s hurt like this and he feels that terrible for not being able to get it taken care of today, but my other tooth was like this, and much worse than this, for 5 years and it didn’t matter to anybody that i was so sick for so long. … um, maybe my tooth wasn’t so bad all the time. i mean it wasn’t allways swollen up so bad. and the pressure wasn’t always maddening cuz of the stuff stuck under the tooth. but anytime we got a cut it got infected, and i got yelled at cuz i picked at cuts, and it was supposed to be my fault for picking at them that they got infected. we get cuts a lot now, and they almost never get infected. and we still pick at them. and if they *do* get infected, then we take care of it for a day or two and it heals up fine. cuz while the tooth was so bad as a kid, we got an ingrown toenail, and it got infected, and it stayed infected for about 3 or 4 years, and my parents knew about that, too. i have a friend, and she has 2 kids, and one is 14 now, and i’ve known her since she was 3, and whenever the kid gets a cut or anything, the mom, she takes care of it. and if she gets sick, or her brother gets sick, they get taken care of. the body is crying again. it’s supposed to be a good
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Response:
*hee* my resolution was "no lists of expectations for myself". :) *waves* jt (a little)
So you expect to have no expectations? I expected something like that from you *really huge grin* Rainbow Colors (Jill, who’s resolution was to get a life, even if for only an hour a week) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hello, friend. ‘ello.. no in-depth response required. *gentle smile* thanks. nice to have friends who understand when one can’t answer as deeply as one would like to.. the receptionist asked if there were any conditions they might need to know about. i told her bout the murmur and we discussed pre-medicating issues, no problem. i considered mentioning PTSD/DID stuff, but wasn’t sure i saw the point. i mean, chances of me not being someone who can handle p*in and loss of control issues is pretty slim. …though the kids sometimes come out around our regular dentist, which is odd to me… he’s like a good d*ddy-person to them, i guess. *nod* Ours were always da m*mmy-persons. Had *LOTS* of substitute m*ms growing up.. some we still call m*m (childhood best friend’s m*m for example). not sure what that means. i’m sensing a trend whereby the kids are looking for replacement ‘rents, i guess. replacement d*ddy’s, at least. we don’t trust wimmins. you’re not wimmins, apparently, cuz we feel pretty safe with you, Rainstar. cuz u feel like a lady-person who’d hold a h*rtin little person so they feel better, but you’d be starin off with t*ars in yer eyes too, cuz it’s sad that little persons got hurted. u a nice lady. *pats arm awkwardly* First time I read that I must admit it took me by surprise. *grin* I was thinkin.. ok.. if I’m not wimmins.. what the heck am I? But you’re right.. I’d be more than glad to hold a lil’one who was h*rtin but would be sad cuz they were h*rt in the first place. Am glad that you think I’m nice. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. *hugs* if ok. dunn like dat word. dat the m*mmy person’s name. "pat" Hmmm.. brain must be all jiggly from the pillow fight (;) ) cuz right now can’t think of a word you could use instead. Will keep thinking. But not too hard or smoke will come out our ears. jk. i gots go sleep soon. Yeah me too.. should be productive tomorrow and maybe accomplish at least one thing on my 2003 goal list. bye buh-bye.. *wave* Rainstar jt am unable at this point to give an in depth response but wanted to say that we did read all of it and heard the pain and share in some of it. We care and wish there was some way we could help. *hugs* if ok. we’re thinkin’ of you. *small smile* Rainstar woke up yesterday with the understanding that i had to do something about my tooth-that’s-probably-needed-a-root-canal-for-awhile-now fairly soon. it’s swollen, such that i can’t close my teeth together without p*in, h*rts if i touch it with my tongue, occasionally thr*bs with my pulse, and this is *with* enough ibuprofen that my tummy hurts lilbit. i gots medcin i can put on so it not hurt so bad, but it still hurt lilbit. just i can ignore better. is gonna spoiler for talking bout icky phys d*sease stuff and phys n*gl*ct by FOO, k? . heh – and um for cussing a bit and not splatting. it’s the eche ee double hockey sticks word so far. this is pretty disturbing. i don’t need anyone to read this. i just needed to write it. i’m still numbed out, but in a different way. i can’t tell if it’s good or not. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it’s hard as hell…whoops – lemme go respoiler – tryin to take care of this body when i’m triggered bout whatever’s wrong with it. i’m feeling really shell shocked right now…totally numbed out; there’s a kid floating around who just takes over for a few words now and again, and it feels like she’s on first, but i’m the one talking, and it’s weird. and we can’t get anything done because no one knows what we’re supposed to be doing. do we take care of the body and stay home? or go in to work again because we said we would, and we haven’t put in enough hours at this job recently, not even close? i shoulda been f*red a long time ago from this job. anyways, job codependency aside…*sigh* we figured if we wrote about how numbed out we feel (ooh, tooth just twinged. guess cereal was a bad idea. it was the raisins. musta been. *nods wisely*)<uhh, that was a guy mocking the fact that the kids nod wisely to emphasize their words. not a good sign when the internal controls regarding mocking the kids are being ignored… then maybe we could stop feeling that way. *sigh* cuz part of what’s got us feeling like this is that we had a tooth that was infected and abcessed for about 5 years of our youth. got rid of it in 8th grade. spring of 8th grade. *sigh* i remember having problems with this tooth in 3rd grade. got rid of it cuz it was a baby tooth, and the tooth underneath was growing in. fillings fell out of the tooth, the infection had a chance to drain for the first time, so the pressure wasn’t so bad all the time. the tooth started disintegrating, piece by piece, and i yanked the biggest part of it in 8th period science class in 8th grade. teacher wouldn’t let me get a drink of water, either. had to sit there with blood and solidified pus sitting in my mouth til the end of class. but i was used to treatment like that. i know that i told my folks repeatedly bout my tooth. i couldn’t tell them too often cuz then they’d yell at me for complaining too much. and the dentist looked at it at least 4 or 5 times that i remember, and said there was nothing wrong. crying now. this is good. he said there was nothing wrong!!! i could *feel* a boil on my gumline where the pus was bulging out the skin trying to find an escape. i *told* him it was there. if he’d bothered to check the occlusion he’d have seen that the *ONLY TOOTH IN MY MOUTH* that was hitting *ANYTHING* was the one i said was sore, cuz it was swollen up higher than the other teeth. anna bigs here feel allbad cuz the tooth now is hurt same kinda hurt, but just not like as infected as bad, and cuz they tried to get the tooth taken out today so it wouldn’t hurt us no more, but when the lady said she couldn’t get me in til thursday, and the guy here said "um, it really hurts. i’m in quite a bit of pain with this." she didn’t say nothin, and the guy didn’t feel like he could ask if there wasn’t any way to treat this as an emergency, or wasn’t there someone else we could call to get this out today (cuz i went in there at, like, 10:30 in the morning this morning), so the guy feels like he didn’t do good enuf job taking care of us cuz he got triggered into feeling like our pain wasn’t important, and so he feels terribly guilty and can’t function at all right now except to be numbed out, and it’s really hard because this is the 2nd day it’s hurt like this and he feels that terrible for not being able to get it taken care of today, but my other tooth was like this, and much worse than this, for 5 years and it didn’t matter to anybody that i was so sick for so long. … um, maybe my tooth wasn’t so bad all the time. i mean it wasn’t allways swollen up so bad. and the pressure wasn’t always maddening cuz of the stuff stuck under the tooth. but anytime we got a cut it got infected, and i got yelled at cuz i picked at cuts, and it was supposed to be my fault for picking at them that they got infected. we get cuts a lot now, and they almost never get infected.
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Response:
*nods seriously* you know, i read Great Expectations when i was little. no, really. i read it when i was little. :) like, the body was teenaged… *hee* liljen fer jt
In article
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – *hee* my resolution was "no lists of expectations for myself". *waves* jt (a little) So you expect to have no expectations? I expected something like that from you *really huge grin* Rainbow Colors (Jill, who’s resolution was to get a life, even if for only an hour a week) hello, friend. ‘ello.. no in-depth response required. *gentle smile* thanks. nice to have friends who understand when one can’t answer as deeply as one would like to.. the receptionist asked if there were any conditions they might need to know about. i told her bout the murmur and we discussed pre-medicating issues, no problem. i considered mentioning PTSD/DID stuff, but wasn’t sure i saw the point. i mean, chances of me not being someone who can handle p*in and loss of control issues is pretty slim. …though the kids sometimes come out around our regular dentist, which is odd to me… he’s like a good d*ddy-person to them, i guess. *nod* Ours were always da m*mmy-persons. Had *LOTS* of substitute m*ms growing up.. some we still call m*m (childhood best friend’s m*m for example). not sure what that means. i’m sensing a trend whereby the kids are looking for replacement ‘rents, i guess. replacement d*ddy’s, at least. we don’t trust wimmins. you’re not wimmins, apparently, cuz we feel pretty safe with you, Rainstar. cuz u feel like a lady-person who’d hold a h*rtin little person so they feel better, but you’d be starin off with t*ars in yer eyes too, cuz it’s sad that little persons got hurted. u a nice lady. *pats arm awkwardly* First time I read that I must admit it took me by surprise. *grin* I was thinkin.. ok.. if I’m not wimmins.. what the heck am I? But you’re right.. I’d be more than glad to hold a lil’one who was h*rtin but would be sad cuz they were h*rt in the first place. Am glad that you think I’m nice. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. *hugs* if ok. dunn like dat word. dat the m*mmy person’s name. "pat" Hmmm.. brain must be all jiggly from the pillow fight (;) ) cuz right now can’t think of a word you could use instead. Will keep thinking. But not too hard or smoke will come out our ears. jk. i gots go sleep soon. Yeah me too.. should be productive tomorrow and maybe accomplish at least one thing on my 2003 goal list. bye buh-bye.. *wave* Rainstar jt message am unable at this point to give an in depth response but wanted to say that we did read all of it and heard the pain and share in some of it. We care and wish there was some way we could help. *hugs* if ok. we’re thinkin’ of you. *small smile* Rainstar woke up yesterday with the understanding that i had to do something about my tooth-that’s-probably-needed-a-root-canal-for-awhile-now fairly soon. it’s swollen, such that i can’t close my teeth together without p*in, h*rts if i touch it with my tongue, occasionally thr*bs with my pulse, and this is *with* enough ibuprofen that my tummy hurts lilbit. i gots medcin i can put on so it not hurt so bad, but it still hurt lilbit. just i can ignore better. is gonna spoiler for talking bout icky phys d*sease stuff and phys n*gl*ct by FOO, k? . heh – and um for cussing a bit and not splatting. it’s the eche ee double hockey sticks word so far. this is pretty disturbing. i don’t need anyone to read this. i just needed to write it. i’m still numbed out, but in a different way. i can’t tell if it’s good or not. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it’s hard as hell…whoops – lemme go respoiler – tryin to take care of this body when i’m triggered bout whatever’s wrong with it. i’m feeling really shell shocked right now…totally numbed out; there’s a kid floating around who just takes over for a few words now and again, and it feels like she’s on first, but i’m the one talking, and it’s weird. and we can’t get anything done because no one knows what we’re supposed to be doing. do we take care of the body and stay home? or go in to work again because we said we would, and we haven’t put in enough hours at this job recently, not even close? i shoulda been f*red a long time ago from this job. anyways, job codependency aside…*sigh* we figured if we wrote about how numbed out we feel (ooh, tooth just twinged. guess cereal was a bad idea. it was the raisins. musta been. *nods wisely*)<uhh, that was a guy mocking the fact that the kids nod wisely to emphasize their words. not a good sign when the internal controls regarding mocking the kids are being ignored… then maybe we could stop feeling that way. *sigh* cuz part of what’s got us feeling like this is that we had a tooth that was infected and abcessed for about 5 years of our youth. got rid of it in 8th grade. spring of 8th grade. *sigh* i remember having problems with this tooth in 3rd grade. got rid of it cuz it was a baby tooth, and the tooth underneath was growing in. fillings fell out of the tooth, the infection had a chance to drain for the first time, so the pressure wasn’t so bad all the time. the tooth started disintegrating, piece by piece, and i yanked the biggest part of it in 8th period science class in 8th grade. teacher wouldn’t let me get a drink of water, either. had to sit there with blood and solidified pus sitting in my mouth til the end of class. but i was used to treatment like that. i know that i told my folks repeatedly bout my tooth. i couldn’t tell them too often cuz then they’d yell at me for complaining too much. and the dentist looked at it at least 4 or 5 times that i remember, and said there was nothing wrong. crying now. this is good. he said there was nothing wrong!!! i could *feel* a boil on my gumline where the pus was bulging out the skin trying to find an escape. i *told* him it was there. if he’d bothered to check the occlusion he’d have seen that the *ONLY TOOTH IN MY MOUTH* that was hitting *ANYTHING* was the one i said was sore, cuz it was swollen up higher than the other teeth. anna bigs here feel allbad cuz the tooth now is hurt same kinda hurt, but just not like as infected as bad, and cuz they tried to get the tooth taken out today so it wouldn’t hurt us no more, but when the lady said she couldn’t get me in til thursday, and the guy here said "um, it really hurts. i’m in quite a bit of pain with this." she didn’t say nothin, and the guy didn’t feel like he could ask if there wasn’t any way to treat this as an emergency, or wasn’t there someone else we could call to get this out today (cuz i went in there at, like, 10:30 in the morning this morning), so the guy feels like he didn’t do good enuf job taking care of us cuz he got triggered into feeling like our pain wasn’t important, and so he feels terribly guilty
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Response:
*small smile* you guys are silly.. we jus write a list cuz otherwise we ferget wat it was we wanna get done. so is not really a "must do" list.. but more of.. remember we wanna do this.. list. so if somfin doesn’t get done we don’t feel weal bad ’bout it.. but helps us remember wat we wanna do if we haf some empty free time and are bored. lilrainy – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – *hee* my resolution was "no lists of expectations for myself". :) *waves* jt (a little) So you expect to have no expectations? I expected something like that from you *really huge grin* Rainbow Colors (Jill, who’s resolution was to get a life, even if for only an hour a week) hello, friend. ‘ello.. no in-depth response required. *gentle smile* thanks. nice to have friends who understand when one can’t answer as deeply as one would like to.. the receptionist asked if there were any conditions they might need to know about. i told her bout the murmur and we discussed pre-medicating issues, no problem. i considered mentioning PTSD/DID stuff, but wasn’t sure i saw the point. i mean, chances of me not being someone who can handle p*in and loss of control issues is pretty slim. …though the kids sometimes come out around our regular dentist, which is odd to me… he’s like a good d*ddy-person to them, i guess. *nod* Ours were always da m*mmy-persons. Had *LOTS* of substitute m*ms growing up.. some we still call m*m (childhood best friend’s m*m for example). not sure what that means. i’m sensing a trend whereby the kids are looking for replacement ‘rents, i guess. replacement d*ddy’s, at least. we don’t trust wimmins. you’re not wimmins, apparently, cuz we feel pretty safe with you, Rainstar. cuz u feel like a lady-person who’d hold a h*rtin little person so they feel better, but you’d be starin off with t*ars in yer eyes too, cuz it’s sad that little persons got hurted. u a nice lady. *pats arm awkwardly* First time I read that I must admit it took me by surprise. *grin* I was thinkin.. ok.. if I’m not wimmins.. what the heck am I? But you’re right.. I’d be more than glad to hold a lil’one who was h*rtin but would be sad cuz they were h*rt in the first place. Am glad that you think I’m nice. Gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. *hugs* if ok. dunn like dat word. dat the m*mmy person’s name. "pat" Hmmm.. brain must be all jiggly from the pillow fight (;) ) cuz right now can’t think of a word you could use instead. Will keep thinking. But not too hard or smoke will come out our ears. jk. i gots go sleep soon. Yeah me too.. should be productive tomorrow and maybe accomplish at least one thing on my 2003 goal list. bye buh-bye.. *wave* Rainstar jt am unable at this point to give an in depth response but wanted to say that we did read all of it and heard the pain and share in some of it. We care and wish there was some way we could help. *hugs* if ok. we’re thinkin’ of you. *small smile* Rainstar woke up yesterday with the understanding that i had to do something about my tooth-that’s-probably-needed-a-root-canal-for-awhile-now fairly soon. it’s swollen, such that i can’t close my teeth together without p*in, h*rts if i touch it with my tongue, occasionally thr*bs with my pulse, and this is *with* enough ibuprofen that my tummy hurts lilbit. i gots medcin i can put on so it not hurt so bad, but it still hurt lilbit. just i can ignore better. is gonna spoiler for talking bout icky phys d*sease stuff and phys n*gl*ct by FOO, k? . heh – and um for cussing a bit and not splatting. it’s the eche ee double hockey sticks word so far. this is pretty disturbing. i don’t need anyone to read this. i just needed to write it. i’m still numbed out, but in a different way. i can’t tell if it’s good or not. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . it’s hard as hell…whoops – lemme go respoiler – tryin to take care of this body when i’m triggered bout whatever’s wrong with it. i’m feeling really shell shocked right now…totally numbed out; there’s a kid floating around who just takes over for a few words now and again, and it feels like she’s on first, but i’m the one talking, and it’s weird. and we can’t get anything done because no one knows what we’re supposed to be doing. do we take care of the body and stay home? or go in to work again because we said we would, and we haven’t put in enough hours at this job recently, not even close? i shoulda been f*red a long time ago from this job. anyways, job codependency aside…*sigh* we figured if we wrote about how numbed out we feel (ooh, tooth just twinged. guess cereal was a bad idea. it was the raisins. musta been. *nods wisely*)<uhh, that was a guy mocking the fact that the kids nod wisely to emphasize their words. not a good sign when the internal controls regarding mocking the kids are being ignored… then maybe we could stop feeling that way. *sigh* cuz part of what’s got us feeling like this is that we had a tooth that was infected and abcessed for about 5 years of our youth. got rid of it in 8th grade. spring of 8th grade. *sigh* i remember having problems with this tooth in 3rd grade. got rid of it cuz it was a baby tooth, and the tooth underneath was growing in. fillings fell out of the tooth, the infection had a chance to drain for the first time, so the pressure wasn’t so bad all the time. the tooth started disintegrating, piece by piece, and i yanked the biggest part of it in 8th period science class in 8th grade. teacher wouldn’t let me get a drink of water, either. had to sit there with blood and solidified pus sitting in my mouth til the end of class. but i was used to treatment like that. i know that i told my folks repeatedly bout my tooth. i couldn’t tell them too often cuz then they’d yell at me for complaining too much. and the dentist looked at it at least 4 or 5 times that i remember, and said there was nothing wrong. crying now. this is good. he said there was nothing wrong!!! i could *feel* a boil on my gumline where the pus was bulging out the skin trying to find an escape. i *told* him it was there. if he’d bothered to check the occlusion he’d have seen that the *ONLY TOOTH IN MY MOUTH* that was hitting *ANYTHING* was the one i said was sore, cuz it was swollen up higher than the other teeth. anna bigs here feel allbad cuz the tooth now is hurt same kinda hurt, but just not like as infected as bad, and cuz they tried to get the tooth taken out today so it wouldn’t hurt us no more, but when the lady said she couldn’t get me in til thursday, and the guy here said "um, it really hurts. i’m in quite a bit of pain with this." she didn’t say nothin, and the guy didn’t feel like he could ask if there wasn’t any way to treat this as an emergency, or wasn’t there someone else we could call to get this out today (cuz i went in there at, like, 10:30 in the morning this morning), so the guy feels like he didn’t do good enuf job taking care of us cuz he got
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