Question:
Hi folks, I’ve never posted here before, but I would like to ask for your help. In the past few months I have become aquainted with ADD, and this disorder seems to explain habits that my wife has had for all of the 14 years we have been together. Her habits range from annoying to potentially life-threateng (e.g when she is driving). I want to ask you for your suggestions about what it could be (ADD or what else?), should she see a doctor, and what kind of treatment is possible. ***General Traits*** *She talks a lot, especially when excited, e.g. when out to dinner with friends. *She tends to talk with so much enthusiasm and energy that she tends to monopolize the conversation. *If I talk to one person, she talks to the other, the 4-way conversation breaks up, and she continues talking. *She interrupts frequetly. *She blurts out thoughts, often changing the subject. *She fidgets, getting up while I’m talking and taking frequent breaks while she’s working. *When I am talking, I can tell she is not listening to me but instead is focused on what she wnats to say next. I don’t mean this to sound critical, though I admit these habits annoy me. Almost without exception, all these habits, which have always seemed excessive and illogical, are symptoms of ADD. If she didn’t have these habits, she would have almost no annoying habits at all, because in all other respects she is a thoroughly sweet, intelligent, rational person and loving wife. ***Scary Driving Incidents*** Whatever condition she has, it sometimes not just annoying but definately scary. Once she rolled her car at night because she "thought" she saw something on the road. She often misses roadsigns and exits. Last week she was an hour late to her first meeting with a new employer because she missed a turn and drove south instead of north for 1/2 hr. Our vaction drive over the July 4th weekend was typical of her driving. She drove for about 3 hours last Thurday. In that short time all this happened: 1. We saw a sign for an exit we wanted, but she exited at a rest stop before the exit we wanted. 2. Another exit said "exit left" and she stayed in the right lane until I told her to get in the left lane several times. She said she did not see the sign. 3. When the exit came in sight, I had time to say "Take that exit to the left" *twice*, and she still missed the exit. 4. We pulled off onto the right shoulder for directions, and when she wanted to get back in traffic, she asked *me* if it was alright. I told her she has to go when *she* feels it’s safe. I can’t see the traffic from my side, nor could I decide when she should go. 5. Later, we exited down another exit ramp and wanted to cross a 4-lane street to get into a gas station on the other side. She crossed the street OK but went straight into the gas station…across a grass divider strip 100 feet wide before she realized there was no driveway on that side of the gas station! (This was at night, and she may have had trouble seeing, but the other incidents happened during daylight.) Every time she drives, she does things like theis. The fact that she is out of control (in the sense of frequenty missing signs, exits, and turns) while going down the highway scares me. It’s the pattern and frequency that seems significant, not any one event. As she describes it, she is daydreaming and not paying attention. But even when I figure she must be paying attention, like when she is actively looking for an exit, she often just misses it. We had a good talk about this and she was quite receptive to the idea of a mental condition, largely because because she scared herself. She said she’d try to pay more attention and focus on her driving. She drives a lot now with a new job. I’m afraid that just "paying attention" may not be enough, first because I’ve seen her make mistakes even when she is as focused as she can be, and second because a possibly inborn trait may not be overcome easily just by will power. *** Test Scores*** Further, based on the ADD FAQ, of the 14 symptoms listed for ADD, she definately has four, partly has four more, and may have another 3-4. For a total of 8-12 out of 14. Even she agrees to having 4-8 symptoms. Since the symptoms are identified together as a disorder I feel that this syndrome or disorder is the key to her particular set of traits. I took the Jasper/Goldberg Adult ADD test for her and answered conservatively from what I have seen and she has has told me. "She" scored a 74, meaning ADD is "highly likely." She is out of town (driving!), but I will ask her to take the test when she can. She has no symptoms of other disorders. No abnormal depression, no PTSD. She had a reasonably good childhood without any traumas or abuse. I know her mom and knew her dad. They were both wonderful people. Other than the inward focus and impulsivity, she really has no other excessive traits. I realize of course she need a professional diagnosis, but I haven’t found another disorder that so closely matches her traits. ***What to do now???**** The new knowledge that the traits I have known about for years may be part of a disorder helps me to be more understanding and patient with her. I don’t think she puts enough importance on it yet to discuss it with a therep or work on it. But at least now she’s aware if it as a condition. Could anyone help? Is this ADD? If not not, what are the other possibilities? Can therapy help. What meds are used for ADD? How do you suggest convincing one’s wife to get help if she doesn’t feel as urgently as one does? Do you have any good books or web sites on ADD and related disorders? THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! Rocky — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Rocky, I am a 43 year old male with severe ADHD. I know a lot of people now with ADD or ADHD. Frankly, aggressive, high speed driving is a well known trait of ours. Most people who drive like me would not be alive today if they drove like your wife. The combination of speed and erratic behavior would have killed us off before we were 21. If you survive your teen years while your judgement is still poor, chances are you will end up as an adult who may be prone to speeding tickets but with the driving skills to keep you out of real trouble. Your wife sounds like an accident waiting to happen. Start with a trip to the eye doctor, then go to an ADD specialist and don’t be suprised if a comorbid condition is indicated. In summary, with the exception of the teen years, I would generally associate ADD with aggressive but highly competent driving. Just one man’s observation.
Response:
Rocky, I am a 43 year old male with severe ADHD. I know a lot of people now with ADD or ADHD. Frankly, aggressive, high speed driving is a well known trait of ours. Most people who drive like me would not be alive today if they drove like your wife. The combination of speed and erratic behavior would have killed us off before we were 21. If you survive your teen years while your judgement is still poor, chances are you will end up as an adult who may be prone to speeding tickets but with the driving skills to keep you out of real trouble. Your wife sounds like an accident waiting to happen. Start with a trip to the eye doctor, then go to an ADD specialist and don’t be suprised if a comorbid condition is indicated. In summary, with the exception of the teen years, I would generally associate ADD with aggressive but highly competent driving. Just one man’s observation.
Rocky, Be sure the eye Doc tests for tunnel vision, where the patient might not be able to see things in periphery; and also for night vision problems, which could be complicating driving skill, in addition to ADD. Some people here have suggested that having the radio on adds just enough "white noise" that it helps keep them from being distracted by everything else, so they drive better. Your wife also exibits behaviors that sound typical to new drivers–maybe more practice will help. Be sure you are as calm as you can be when she is driving. If she gets more excited as you comment on her abilities, the situation will not have much of a chance of improving! Karen You sound like a loving guy. A diagnoses (ADD and/or vision problems!) could go a long way in allieviating frustration and helping you understand each other better.
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