Question:
Thankyou to all that responded to my quetion. It has been very helpful. Helski
Response:
helski wrote (to Nancy, but I’ll respond anyway): >I have had time off work due to injuring my knee ankle and foot (only ones I >have).
What a major drag. I have chronic knee problems…7 surgeries so far, with more to come. Take care of yourself and do exactly what your doctor/physical therapist recommend. Does your comment "only ones I have" imply that you are an amputee? If so, you have it triply worse because you don’t have another knee, ankle and foot to rely on. Not news to you I’m sure, but it begs to be said, that creates all sorts of other problems. Pain of any sort in my legs makes me feel almost crazy. I can’t do much to get away from it and if I take the pain meds, I’m so foggy in my brain I can’t function right. (One of the "joys" of being allergic to most pain meds.) >I have been inquiring about medical retirement but found out it is a >no go financially for me.
Any other options? Work from home? Change of occupation? I don’t know what sort of work you do. Could you take medical retirement and supplement your income with a sit down job? Build computers, tutor students, answer a phone and type, small machine/motor repair, etc.? >I do all that I can to help myself.
Of course you do. You’ve got more on your plate than the average person. Too bad he doesn’t see that. It would make life much easier if you had a supportive person in your life. Glad you’re coming here for support. Risa Marry your self first. Promise to never leave you. – SARK
Response:
>> ‘Thanks for sharing’ comments still leave the >> person hearing the comment with the pent up emotions. >Well, maybe it does. But, so what? I am not responsible for someone else’s >pent up emotions.
i think that falls under the catagory of "not my problem".
Response:
Hi Rudolph! > > IOW … anyone else who tries to make me responsible for someone else’s > > emotions can ‘pound sand’. > > thanks Nancy – that last comment almost made coffee come out my nose – > excuse me I have to go and clean the monitor
Always glad to help in the redecorating process at other people’s homes! 
Does this mean that we are even slightly even in the startled laugh department? Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
Response:
Nancy, Privacy issues come up from time to time. I just wanted to let you know in case you hadn’t intended it. As for the other, I wasn’t suggesting that people are responsible for other people’s feelings. I was suggesting how to avoid having emotions pent up. My latest…when someone says or does something that bothers me I have a few options. If I think I’ll be over it in 10-20 minutes then I give my equivalent to "thanks for sharing." If OTOH, from past experience this will continue to bother me, to affect my mood, and potentially ruin my day I trust my instincts and say what comes to mind — perhaps rewording it before blurting it out. Just some friendly, unsolicited advice that does seem to help.
Response:
Nancy Irwin <ki…@cris.com> wrote in message
news:99m2ln$pq@dispatch.concentric.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Rudolph! > > > IOW … anyone else who tries to make me responsible for someone else’s > > > emotions can ‘pound sand’. > > > thanks Nancy – that last comment almost made coffee come out my nose – > > excuse me I have to go and clean the monitor > Always glad to help in the redecorating process at other people’s homes! > Does this mean that we are even slightly even in the startled laugh > department? > Smile and there will be something to smile about! > Nancy > hehehehehe yes Nancy, we definitely are!
Response:
> I developed PTSD fairly recently and have no skills or preparation to respond
appropriately to events mentioned on this ng>> Welllllll I can’t say as that I have gotten all the skills down. Some seem just plain impossible. I guess I’ve had PTSD for most all my life (I’m 33). I’ve gone through so many stages of feeling, healing and dealing with PTSD that I can safely say I know more than I ever did before. So that would be progress. I also tend to take enough control in situations in my life so that I am not vulnerable to injury or assault (a big fear of mine). For me, PTSD is like an alarm that went off and keeps flashing. ITs there, making itself known, sometimes surprising me when I turn around and the light is still on and other times coating my whole view with its light. Those times suck. I have a lot of "unrecalled" traumas that I "know" happened but just cannot call them to mind. That’s self-preservation and preservation of my psyche I believe. I don’t let too many people know about me having PTSD (I hate pity parties and especially hate appearing weak – another PTSD goodie.) Having a supportive spouse has been the MOST important key to my progress in dealing with all the traumas in my past. So what do I do? I take my meds to control the panic attacks and constant anxiety I used to feel while in the pits of depression; I let myself be loved (a hard one right now with shame feelings); I committed myself to staying in therapy this time NO MATTER WHAT (I used to bail when it got too close to the bone); and I pay attention to my body. It tells me more than anything what is going on. Triggers, muscle tension, noise irritation, etc. All those things are part of the PTSD puzzle for me. Hope this helps some…Kristine The unexamined life is not worth living – Socrates
Response:
Hi Ron! > > We’re you intentionally adding a surname to your posts?
Well, actually, after doing everything but reformating my hard drive, this became an artifact of frustration and I’ve been working on other things, like reinstalling stuff. I really don’t care who knows I have PTSD. Over the years anyone who wanted to harass me for my ’strange’ (read PTSD) reactions has already been there, done that; they know where I live, let alone what my name is. > ‘Thanks for sharing’ comments still leave the > person hearing the comment with the pent up emotions.
Well, maybe it does. But, so what? I am not responsible for someone else’s pent up emotions. Actually, I have enough trouble with my own ‘pent up emotions’ and taking care of myself. I believe that ’someone else’ is responsible for her/his own emotions. Protecting myself by making sure that someone else doesn’t hurt me by attempting to manipulate the situation is not healthy for me. If ’someone else’ does decide to get physical due to his/her ‘pent up emotions’ then I need to run; flight (using my feet or using my brain through dissociation) does have its uses, after all. IOW … anyone else who tries to make me responsible for someone else’s emotions can ‘pound sand’. YMMV Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
Response:
Nancy Irwin <ki…@cris.com> wrote in message
news:99lfjb$665@dispatch.concentric.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Ron! > > > We’re you intentionally adding a surname to your posts? > Well, actually, after doing everything but reformating my hard drive, this > became an artifact of frustration and I’ve been working on other things, > like reinstalling stuff. I really don’t care who knows I have PTSD. Over > the years anyone who wanted to harass me for my ’strange’ (read PTSD) > reactions has already been there, done that; they know where I live, let > alone what my name is. > > ‘Thanks for sharing’ comments still leave the > > person hearing the comment with the pent up emotions. > Well, maybe it does. But, so what? I am not responsible for someone else’s > pent up emotions. > Actually, I have enough trouble with my own ‘pent up emotions’ and taking > care of myself. I believe that ’someone else’ is responsible for her/his > own emotions. Protecting myself by making sure that someone else doesn’t > hurt me by attempting to manipulate the situation is not healthy for me. If > ’someone else’ does decide to get physical due to his/her ‘pent up emotions’ > then I need to run; flight (using my feet or using my brain through > dissociation) does have its uses, after all. > IOW … anyone else who tries to make me responsible for someone else’s > emotions can ‘pound sand’. > YMMV > Smile and there will be something to smile about! > Nancy > thanks Nancy – that last comment almost made coffee come out my nose –
excuse me I have to go and clean the monitor
Response:
Nancy Irwin wrote: > Hi helski! > > I forgot about the "thanks for sharing "response. > Don’t worry … the more of the unsolicited advice you receive over your > lifetime, the more chances you will get to practice the ‘thanks for sharing’ > mantra. :/
Nancy, We’re you intentionally adding a surname to your posts? A general comment: ‘Thanks for sharing’ comments still leave the person hearing the comment with the pent up emotions.
Response:
Rudolph Berthold wrote: > all good points as always Ron > what I was addressing was the method of delivery, perhaps the message could > have been delivered in a method as not to hurt his feelings or unduly alarm > him – the message itself could be sound advice – just packaged a little > better > he handled it better than I would have because if I was alarmed by what he > said I would have told him to go piss up a rope – or something else > unconstructive > I am surprised that a psychologist never had the presence of forethought to > anticipate that perhaps his advice would be upsetting and adapted his words > accordingly
Rudolph and Helski That sounds like s/he should have known better, and therefore it was intended as an insult. I don’t know that this is a good way to go through life. Ultimately, Helski has been hurt by this situation. It is passive aggressive, but I think one way to feel better is to send a note, or leave a message for the person if one can not confront the person. Sending ptsd sites doesn’t explain to the person what they did? Or why you’re upset. Or what you would like from them the next time around.
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -helski wrote: > Rudolph and Ron wrote; > > making an observation – it sounded judgemental and critical – that would > > sting anyone > > but you handled it better that I would have – that is definitely on the > plus > > side > I disagree here. It seems like Helski’s friend was > saying s/he was concerned. It seems that s/he was > commenting on how much help/good the psychiatrist > is to her, hence the mention of a second opinion. > ** Obviously it was concern he is a friend and someone I worked with as a > research assistant. > How dare he comment on how much good or help my psychiatrist. > I think his own professional background and ego were behind it although not > apparent to him at the time. > He has said this to me before. > It sounds like a comment on the competence of the > doc, not anything about Helski — 12 years is a > long time. > ** Poor show as he knows how much I respect and value my psychiatrist.His > has no right to judge his competence nor judge how long I have been in > therapy.Nor does anyone else.12 years is not that long.He was criticising my > lack of progress in his own eyes. > His expertise is not in the area of ptsd.He is a child /family > psychologist.Pure ignorance. > At any rate, in situations like those the best > approach is to say what’s on your mind. Maybe take > a second to think through how it will sound, but > to say it nonetheless. I might have said "I’m > disappointed that you of all people don’t > understand how difficult it is to work through > these issues, that it takes time, and that > sometimes means a long time." > ** I did end up sending him some ptsd sites by email. > I cannot deal with a situation like that articulately b/c it triggers me > into complete panic. I talk about ptsd now and this has only been in the > last few years although diagnosed 12 years ago but sufferring it for over 20 > years.I talk about it for educational value.To raise awareness not for open > discussion on Helena’s symptoms and associated problems.
I think you are very clear here — couldn’t you just forward a copy of this e-mail to him.
Response:
Nancy Irwin <ki…@cris.com> wrote in message
news:99kni1$o6i@dispatch.concentric.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Rudolph! > > I am surprised that a psychologist never had the presence of forethought > to > > anticipate that perhaps his advice would be upsetting and adapted his > words > > accordingly > In a social setting, psychologists can be just like so-called ‘normal’ > people. I think that many need the trigger of the therapeutic room to > distance themselves sufficiently to act professionally. > It’s got to be a huge mental leap from friendship or love to treatment. > There is a big taboo against psychologists treating relatives and friends. > I believe that in some codes of ethics the taboo is written. Would you like > to be the member of a family with a psychologist practiced her/his > profession on you all the time? I didn’t. > After all, it can be difficult to see the forest if the psychologist is one > of the trees. :/ > All that being said, the psychologist’s personal problems are not IMHO the > responsibility of anyone in this ng.What one of us did with his > inappropriate behavior and/or language is a valid topic of this ng. > Improving our dealings with the result of this languange and/or behavior IMO > is the responsibility of this ng, when requesed. > Smile and there will be something to smile about! > Nancy > Thanks Nancy – very illuminating – I have never encountered anyone in the
Psych field in a social setting – I do like the ‘thanks for sharing’ as a response as well – you do project a very clear perspective fair to all parties involved
Response:
homo@home <ba…@home.com> wrote in message
news:3ABD4A3C.FD807A7A@home.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Rudolph Berthold wrote: > > all good points as always Ron > > what I was addressing was the method of delivery, perhaps the message could > > have been delivered in a method as not to hurt his feelings or unduly alarm > > him – the message itself could be sound advice – just packaged a little > > better > > he handled it better than I would have because if I was alarmed by what he > > said I would have told him to go piss up a rope – or something else > > unconstructive > > I am surprised that a psychologist never had the presence of forethought to > > anticipate that perhaps his advice would be upsetting and adapted his words > > accordingly > Rudolph and Helski > That sounds like s/he should have known better, > and therefore it was intended as an insult. I > don’t know that this is a good way to go through > life. Ultimately, Helski has been hurt by this > situation. It is passive aggressive, but I think > one way to feel better is to send a note, or leave > a message for the person if one can not confront > the person. > Sending ptsd sites doesn’t explain to the person > what they did? Or why you’re upset. Or what you > would like from them the next time around.
good points – I am getting a lot from this exchange, I developed PTSD fairly recently and have no skills or preparation to respond appropriately to events mentioned on this ng – I am learning a lot listening to you all.
Response:
Hi Rudolph, >>all good points as always Ron
what I was addressing was the method of delivery, perhaps the message could have been delivered in a method as not to hurt his feelings or unduly alarm him – the message itself could be sound advice – just packaged a little better he handled it better than I would have because if I was alarmed by what he said I would have told him to go piss up a rope – or something else unconstructive I am surprised that a psychologist never had the presence of forethought to anticipate that perhaps his advice would be upsetting and adapted his words accordingly * Thanks your reaction is similar. My friend’s opinion or comment was unsolicited.It was unprofessional and not sound advice at all.If he had credibility as in expertise in trauma and ptsd that would have been a different story. It bothers me greatly when people become experts or believe they are in various sections of the healing professions when they have no great research or hands on extensive experience. Often counsellors or psychologist fit in to this demographic. helski
Response:
Hi helski! > I forgot about the "thanks for sharing "response.
Don’t worry … the more of the unsolicited advice you receive over your lifetime, the more chances you will get to practice the ‘thanks for sharing’ mantra. :/ > I have been inquiring about medical retirement but found out it is a > no go financially for me.
There’s got to be a better answer than continually punishing your mind which punishes your body. > I do all that I can to help myself.
I know that you are working very hard to help yourself. Don’t give up because some ignoramus tries to make ‘judgements’ and do not believe ‘judgements’ which bring out your PTSD symptoms. Believing these ‘judgements’ can be a big part of our distorted thinking. Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
Response:
Hi Rudolph! > I am surprised that a psychologist never had the presence of forethought to > anticipate that perhaps his advice would be upsetting and adapted his words > accordingly
In a social setting, psychologists can be just like so-called ‘normal’ people. I think that many need the trigger of the therapeutic room to distance themselves sufficiently to act professionally. It’s got to be a huge mental leap from friendship or love to treatment. There is a big taboo against psychologists treating relatives and friends. I believe that in some codes of ethics the taboo is written. Would you like to be the member of a family with a psychologist practiced her/his profession on you all the time? I didn’t. After all, it can be difficult to see the forest if the psychologist is one of the trees. :/ All that being said, the psychologist’s personal problems are not IMHO the responsibility of anyone in this ng.What one of us did with his inappropriate behavior and/or language is a valid topic of this ng. Improving our dealings with the result of this languange and/or behavior IMO is the responsibility of this ng, when requesed. Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
Response:
Hi Nancy, I forgot about the "thanks for sharing "response.I was just caught so unawares and I guess I was shocked that he would so blatantly wheel that comment out again. I have had time off work due to injuring my knee ankle and foot( only ones I have).I have been inquiring about medical retirement but found out it is a no go financially for me. I know he gets frustrated at my relapse/s.That comment cut me to the quik.He and others do not accept that it is a chemical change in the brain and that I rarely sleep due to continuous nightmares and flashbacks and intrusive thoughts. I do all that I can to help myself. helski
Response:
Your response was completely understandable, it didn’t sound that he was making an observation – it sounded judgemental and critical – that would sting anyone but you handled it better that I would have – that is definitely on the plus side — For Mercy has a human heart Pity, a human face: And Love, the human form divine, And Peace, the human dress. helski <hel…@idl.net.au> wrote in message
news:985428825.14627@ns.idl.com.au… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi all, > I have a question. > I wonder how others would deal with my last nights situation. > I was in a social situation where my good friend ( a psychologist) asked how > I was . > I proceeded to tell him that I was at the brink( once again) of seeking > medical retirement. > His response was "I know you have been under your psychiatrist for the last > 12 years but maybe you should get a second opinion as I see you treading > water with this ptsd stuff." > I was very disappointed and distressed by his response and felt and became > dissociative. > I was yawning for hours and just wanted out but had to wait for my lift > home. > I tried to explain to him that I was in the throws of dealing with a major > relapse or perhaps even an awkening of how to manage triggers etc. > Hhhhh
Response:
Rudolph Berthold wrote: > Your response was completely understandable, it didn’t sound that he was > making an observation – it sounded judgemental and critical – that would > sting anyone > but you handled it better that I would have – that is definitely on the plus > side
I disagree here. It seems like Helski’s friend was saying s/he was concerned. It seems that s/he was commenting on how much help/good the psychiatrist is to her, hence the mention of a second opinion. It sounds like a comment on the competence of the doc, not anything about Helski — 12 years is a long time. At any rate, in situations like those the best approach is to say what’s on your mind. Maybe take a second to think through how it will sound, but to say it nonetheless. I might have said "I’m disappointed that you of all people don’t understand how difficult it is to work through these issues, that it takes time, and that sometimes means a long time."
Response:
homo@home <ba…@home.com> wrote in message
news:3ABCCA37.D86811A0@home.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Rudolph Berthold wrote: > > Your response was completely understandable, it didn’t sound that he was > > making an observation – it sounded judgemental and critical – that would > > sting anyone > > but you handled it better that I would have – that is definitely on the plus > > side > I disagree here. It seems like Helski’s friend was > saying s/he was concerned. It seems that s/he was > commenting on how much help/good the psychiatrist > is to her, hence the mention of a second opinion. > It sounds like a comment on the competence of the > doc, not anything about Helski — 12 years is a > long time. > At any rate, in situations like those the best > approach is to say what’s on your mind. Maybe take > a second to think through how it will sound, but > to say it nonetheless. I might have said "I’m > disappointed that you of all people don’t > understand how difficult it is to work through > these issues, that it takes time, and that > sometimes means a long time."
all good points as always Ron what I was addressing was the method of delivery, perhaps the message could have been delivered in a method as not to hurt his feelings or unduly alarm him – the message itself could be sound advice – just packaged a little better he handled it better than I would have because if I was alarmed by what he said I would have told him to go piss up a rope – or something else unconstructive I am surprised that a psychologist never had the presence of forethought to anticipate that perhaps his advice would be upsetting and adapted his words accordingly
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->It took me almost all week to get to the place where I was ready to say >"Thank you for sharing". >Unrequested advice, rather than empathetic listening or observing, can be a >real trouble-spot for me. "What if the speaker is right?" "Am I doing >something wrong?" >I think that we are all on our own paths, and our paths haven’t conformed to >the ‘normal’ path yet … why do I need to start now to conform to someone >else’s straight jacket of behavior? At times like this I have to remember >that I am eccentric, and so have been a lot of other folks, from Hitler to >Einstein with stops along the way for Michaelangeo and Atilla the Hun. So >long as I am not imposing ‘my way’ on someone else, then I do not need to >impose someone else’s way on me. >YMMV >Smile and there will be something to smile about! >Nancy >Thank you. This is a sensative area for me too. I think I would like to copy
down that last paragraph and keep it in my planner for the next time I run into that situation. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
Response:
Rudolph and Ron wrote; > making an observation – it sounded judgemental and critical – that would > sting anyone > but you handled it better that I would have – that is definitely on the plus > side
I disagree here. It seems like Helski’s friend was saying s/he was concerned. It seems that s/he was commenting on how much help/good the psychiatrist is to her, hence the mention of a second opinion. ** Obviously it was concern he is a friend and someone I worked with as a research assistant. How dare he comment on how much good or help my psychiatrist. I think his own professional background and ego were behind it although not apparent to him at the time. He has said this to me before. It sounds like a comment on the competence of the doc, not anything about Helski — 12 years is a long time. ** Poor show as he knows how much I respect and value my psychiatrist.His has no right to judge his competence nor judge how long I have been in therapy.Nor does anyone else.12 years is not that long.He was criticising my lack of progress in his own eyes. His expertise is not in the area of ptsd.He is a child /family psychologist.Pure ignorance. At any rate, in situations like those the best approach is to say what’s on your mind. Maybe take a second to think through how it will sound, but to say it nonetheless. I might have said "I’m disappointed that you of all people don’t understand how difficult it is to work through these issues, that it takes time, and that sometimes means a long time." ** I did end up sending him some ptsd sites by email. I cannot deal with a situation like that articulately b/c it triggers me into complete panic. I talk about ptsd now and this has only been in the last few years although diagnosed 12 years ago but sufferring it for over 20 years.I talk about it for educational value.To raise awareness not for open discussion on Helena’s symptoms and associated problems. Helski
Response:
Hi all, I have a question. I wonder how others would deal with my last nights situation. I was in a social situation where my good friend ( a psychologist) asked how I was . I proceeded to tell him that I was at the brink( once again) of seeking medical retirement. His response was "I know you have been under your psychiatrist for the last 12 years but maybe you should get a second opinion as I see you treading water with this ptsd stuff." I was very disappointed and distressed by his response and felt and became dissociative. I was yawning for hours and just wanted out but had to wait for my lift home. I tried to explain to him that I was in the throws of dealing with a major relapse or perhaps even an awkening of how to manage triggers etc. Hhhhh
Response:
Hi helski! > His response was "I know you have been under your psychiatrist for the last > 12 years but maybe you should get a second opinion as I see you treading > water with this ptsd stuff." > I was very disappointed and distressed by his response and felt and became > dissociative.
Last week I got the unrequested advice to hire someone (actually a crew of someones) to do a spring cleanup, as my yard is too big to take care of by myself. This threw me for a loop … triggered all kinds of competency stuff, remembering my parents telling me that I couldn’t live in a house by myself without a husband to take care of the yard, etc. It took me almost all week to get to the place where I was ready to say "Thank you for sharing". Unrequested advice, rather than empathetic listening or observing, can be a real trouble-spot for me. "What if the speaker is right?" "Am I doing something wrong?" I think that we are all on our own paths, and our paths haven’t conformed to the ‘normal’ path yet … why do I need to start now to conform to someone else’s straight jacket of behavior? At times like this I have to remember that I am eccentric, and so have been a lot of other folks, from Hitler to Einstein with stops along the way for Michaelangeo and Atilla the Hun. So long as I am not imposing ‘my way’ on someone else, then I do not need to impose someone else’s way on me. YMMV Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
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