Trauma – PTSD

Question:

Hi, Peter. My provider finally made it back up, so I can actually post this. Hi all, I did not keep a copy of THE LIST and Have been trying to deal with my own emotions.

<snippage I only recall half the list and those I’ve not responded to because I forgot your names from the list, it’s because I did not suspect you’d be put on the list.  I am sorry I asked but once he said it I think we all needed to know who was considered an offender. I am surprised by many of the names and I am also surprised by a few names missing.. Please touch base if you’ve seen the list and your name was on it. I’d like to know that you are doing ok.

Quite frankly, no, I’m not doing ok.  Having admitted to being an abuse VICTIM, and having made it clear that Brent’s actions felt like being exposed (again) to my abusive father, and then, to be slandered the way Brent did it, brought back the same feeling I had when I was 13 years old and my mother accused me of being a drug addict, because it was the only way she could justify her treatment of me. The only things that have kept me holding on this week are: 1) I WILL be seeking legal advice on whether a slander/libel suit against Brent is feasible. (Unless he posts a public retraction and apology.) 2) My Faith in my Gods and their care for me will not allow me to succumb to depression, no matter how tempting it is. Thanks for listing and I hope you will forgive me for pushing brent so hard…

Peter, you are not to blame for what Brent did.  He has proven by his posts to this newsgroup that he is vindictive, vicious, and a liar. Anpwhotep — Hm Ntrw, Wab Anpw, Anpwhotep                http://www.nyx.net/~whartwel By sending unsolicited commercially-oriented e-mail to this address, the sender agrees to pay to the recipient a reading fee of $10/line.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Hi all, I did not keep a copy of THE LIST and Have been trying to deal with my own emotions. I’d really appreciate it if those on the list would touch base in here and let us know how you’re doing. I don’t remember all the names but I’ll attempt to respond to all. snipped to satisfy my NNTP I only recall half the list and those I’ve not responded to because I forgot your names from the list, it’s because I did not suspect you’d be put on the list.  I am sorry I asked but once he said it I think we all needed to know who was considered an offender. I am surprised by many of the names and I am also surprised by a few names missing.. Please touch base if you’ve seen the list and your name was on it. I’d like to know that you are doing ok. Thanks for listing and I hope you will forgive me for pushing brent so hard…  Peter B

Hi Peter, Johnny here (a.k.a. John McNee #4)…      Thanks for your concern but i’m fine. It would take someone with a lot more than Brent has demonstrated to rattle my cage. I ceased to care what people that i’m not involved in an intimate relationship think of me long ago. I have deliberately not confirmed or denied Brent’s allegations because I am not going to even give him that much justification. I am here because of the pain I am feeling right now. I am also here to try to help others who are in pain. If I am in trouble right now it is because I am spending the first Christmas in my life without my children. I am missing them terribly, and feeling worthless and incomplete. It is true what they say about not realizing how important someone is to you until you are without them. I have struggled with thoughts about taking my own life for quite some time, but I want to be be with my children both now and in the hereafter. I hope that this desire is enough to keep me struggling to survive. I am not looking forward to the next couple of days. They will be the most difficult of my life. Love and Healing, Johnny — – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

writes: Thanks for listing and I hope you will forgive me for pushing brent so hard…  Peter B

We could beat ourselves up for pushing Brent, if that’s what we feel we need to do, but in the end Brent had personal choices which he took, unwise as they were, they were his not ours. Crisis

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <SNIPPED Please touch base if you’ve seen the list and your name was on it. I’d like to know that you are doing ok. Thanks for listing and I hope you will forgive me for pushing brent so hard…  Peter B Hi Peter, Johnny here (a.k.a. John McNee #4)…     Thanks for your concern but i’m fine. It would take someone with a lot more than Brent has demonstrated to rattle my cage. I ceased to care what people that i’m not involved in an intimate relationship think of me long ago. I have deliberately not confirmed or denied Brent’s allegations because I am not going to even give him that much justification. I am here because of the pain I am feeling right now. I am also here to try to help others who are in pain. If I am in trouble right now it is because I am spending the first Christmas in my life without my children. I am missing them terribly, and feeling worthless and incomplete. It is true what they say about not realizing how important someone is to you until you are without them. I have struggled with thoughts about taking my own life for quite some time, but I want to be be with my children both now and in the hereafter. I hope that this desire is enough to keep me struggling to survive. I am not looking forward to the next couple of days. They will be the most difficult of my life. Love and Healing, Johnny — Hello JohnnyM, Seeker here,

First of all I would like to tell you, I have been where you are at. Not in regards to not seeing my child, he has always been with me, I have reaised him literally by myself but I did give my firstborn daughter up for adoption when I was a teenager so I do know about loss in it’s many different forms. Also a year ago my fiancee passed away. Last years Christmas was a blur of pain and emotional numbing, flashbacks and very deep grief. I had to search my heart deeply to find a reason to go on living and first and foremost was my son. I just couldn’t wound him by taking my own life. I have been there once before many years ago when he was little and all the PTSD symptoms came roaring back at me from my unresolved childhood issues. Someone close to me triggered this and I tell you the next six months were some of the hardest I have ever faced and I have had quite a few instances in my life that were rough so this says alot. I thought I would never stop crying. Well I did and I do find joy in many things now. It took me a long time when my fiancee died to let go of wanting to know "WHY?". I will never know the why, there is a more powerful hand in all this than mine. The minister at my church taught a sermon about pain building character (when my fiancee died my dad told me the same thing and I cried that I didn’t want anymore character, I was already full of it!) Anyway the minister said pain lead to character buiding, which leads to hope, which in itself leads to faith. I had never heard it explained in such a way and this touched my heart and it was as if a thousand light bulbs went off in my heart and mind. Eureka! Yes my faith has grown stronger, my walk more sure, and hopefully my heart is more pure. Many times I felt God had overestimated my strength and endurance. I have found that He hasn’t. I hope my spiritual leanings do not offend you, this has worked for me and I do not expect you to share the same beliefs. I want you to know that I do care that you are hurting. I am here if you ever need someone to listen and share with. As a person said from my church, "We do not care what circumstances brought you here but only that you are here willing to grow and learn." How loving, how eloquent, how wonderful! I only hope to pass on to others hope, compassion, love and empathy so that we might become a stronger brotherhood of man. I would rather be a healer than a wounder of spirits. In love and healing, Peace to ALL! Seeker – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

Hi all, I did not keep a copy of THE LIST and Have been trying to deal with my own emotions. I’d really appreciate it if those on the list would touch base in here and let us know how you’re doing. I don’t remember all the names but I’ll attempt to respond to all. 8Swords, I do not consider you an offender because of your actions as a teen/adolescent.  I applaud your strength and courage to look at your past and consider your actions as not beneficial.  I hope you know that I see you as a survivor doing his best. Denny and Mike,  I do not support your efforts to change the AoC Laws but I do not believe you have molested children and if you have I hope they were not harmed.  I see no reason for your names on the list. Dragon, I vaguely recall your post that has placed you on this list and I’m sorry this happened.  I was surprised to see your name. AJA – I believe you did acknowledge your offender past but saw so little from you and I hope if you are lurking that you will do what you need to do to stay centered and healthy. Blain – I expect that this came as no surprise to you and hope you are doing well. I only recall half the list and those I’ve not responded to because I forgot your names from the list, it’s because I did not suspect you’d be put on the list.  I am sorry I asked but once he said it I think we all needed to know who was considered an offender. I am surprised by many of the names and I am also surprised by a few names missing.. Please touch base if you’ve seen the list and your name was on it. I’d like to know that you are doing ok. Thanks for listing and I hope you will forgive me for pushing brent so hard…   Peter B — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

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