Question:
Hey all, Boy it is nice to know that the ‘crap’ you are going through is not isolated to just one self. And yes, some days are really better than others. For me personally, I think the weather plays alot with my moods.
Response:
Jeannie wrote: > Hey all, > Boy it is nice to know that the ‘crap’ you are going through is not isolated to > just one self. > And yes, some days are really better than others. For me personally, I think > the weather plays alot with my moods.
The weather is isolating, and that’s always a downer. It’s one thing to stay safe indoors by choice, but to be…
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Jeannie wrote: > yep you are right on both counts > .>Then there’s double dependence . . . being > >abandoned leading up to trauma, then being > >abandoned (again) when in need of being rescued > >from the trauma itself. And, of course, > >guilt/shame go hand in hand with feeling > >responsible for the trauma. > >I guess I had both because when I tried to tell my mother what had happened > she did not believe me and said if it did happen then I should not have been > where I was. And as it was, my mother had made me go live with someone else > (who turned out to be the perp) so I guess that is why it is so hard me to let > go of some of this stuff. > Oh well I can at least say it is a hell of a lot better than it was even 6 > months ago. It’s just when I think I am almost finished "dealing with > issues"—something else pops up.
Glad to hear there’s been improvement. Unfortunately, I found letting go is impossible — working through it is possible.
Response:
I don’t know if all this makes sense but I have had the same problem. I’m trying to get out of a crappy relationship and I miss the guy and his crap. I guess these are really one day at a time days. Barb "Jeannie" <jst42da…@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20010317213438.11684.00000937@ng-ft1.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi all, > The past day or so has not been so hot for me. I know everyone has bad days as > well as good days, but I am wondering about something and I have tried to find > information on the net, but can’t. Or not for the specific question I have. > The question is do any of you have problems dealing with rejection and/or > abandonment??? Through therapy I realized these were BIG deals for me and to > sum up a long story: > I moved out from a guy I had lived with for over a year-this was Oct. of last > year. He really wanted to marry-but I did not. The last time we were together > was Thanksgiving(2000) I found out recently he has already married!!!!!!!!! > Yep. One of the reasons I left him was he was chatting with women on the net > and going into teen porn sights. That really triggered me b/c of my history. > So last night my 15 year old son saw him and his new wife at grocery store and > they drove away in a brand new Mustang. (He always wanted one) And her I am > back in public housing, trying to get my degree so I can move forward and have > a better life. > By the way this is the first time in my entire life I have been without a > relationship. Mentally, physically and emotionally. When I start to beat up > on myself for that, I remember what my therapist says, "Honor what you do to > survive." (If that makes sense.) > Anyhow—for whatever reason I find it hard to let go of something, even when > it was something I didn’t want to begin with. > Does this make sense to any one??? > Just wondering and any input would be appreciated. How can I get over the > rejected feeling??? Or abandonment??? > I am grateful these days dont last for long. But when they do come they seem > to stretch out forever.
Response:
It’s nice to know I’m not the only one working on this. I’ve been playing the co-dependant scenero for to long. It’s amazing what truama can lead one to and accept. Yeah, one day at a time. Donna : I don’t know if all this makes sense but I have had the same problem. : I’m trying to get out of a crappy relationship and I miss the guy and his : crap. I guess these are really one day at a time days. : Barb :
Response:
Barb wrote: > I don’t know if all this makes sense but I have had the same problem. > I’m trying to get out of a crappy relationship and I miss the guy and his > crap. I guess these are really one day at a time days.
I never missed being abused, but I did feel abandoned by my abuser. Only way to explain it is that ‘letting’ someone do those things to me was the only way I knew how to keep them from leaving. It stopped — they left.
Response:
Small steps Barb.Set some boundaries. Helski
Response:
Nancy wrote: > Hi Jeannie! > > The question is do any of you have problems dealing with rejection and/or > > abandonment??? Through therapy I realized these were BIG deals for me > Of course. We could not have a lot of the PTSD symptoms without a lot of > shame … I think that the shame comes from our perceiving that we have been > rejected or abandoned by something or someone due to our trauma(s).
Then there’s double dependence . . . being abandoned leading up to trauma, then being abandoned (again) when in need of being rescued from the trauma itself. And, of course, guilt/shame go hand in hand with feeling responsible for the trauma.
Response:
yep you are right on both counts .>Then there’s double dependence . . . being >abandoned leading up to trauma, then being >abandoned (again) when in need of being rescued >from the trauma itself. And, of course, >guilt/shame go hand in hand with feeling >responsible for the trauma. >I guess I had both because when I tried to tell my mother what had happened
she did not believe me and said if it did happen then I should not have been where I was. And as it was, my mother had made me go live with someone else (who turned out to be the perp) so I guess that is why it is so hard me to let go of some of this stuff. Oh well I can at least say it is a hell of a lot better than it was even 6 months ago. It’s just when I think I am almost finished "dealing with issues"—something else pops up. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
Response:
Hi all, The past day or so has not been so hot for me. I know everyone has bad days as well as good days, but I am wondering about something and I have tried to find information on the net, but can’t. Or not for the specific question I have. The question is do any of you have problems dealing with rejection and/or abandonment??? Through therapy I realized these were BIG deals for me and to sum up a long story: I moved out from a guy I had lived with for over a year-this was Oct. of last year. He really wanted to marry-but I did not. The last time we were together was Thanksgiving(2000) I found out recently he has already married!!!!!!!!! Yep. One of the reasons I left him was he was chatting with women on the net and going into teen porn sights. That really triggered me b/c of my history. So last night my 15 year old son saw him and his new wife at grocery store and they drove away in a brand new Mustang. (He always wanted one) And her I am back in public housing, trying to get my degree so I can move forward and have a better life. By the way this is the first time in my entire life I have been without a relationship. Mentally, physically and emotionally. When I start to beat up on myself for that, I remember what my therapist says, "Honor what you do to survive." (If that makes sense.) Anyhow—for whatever reason I find it hard to let go of something, even when it was something I didn’t want to begin with. Does this make sense to any one??? Just wondering and any input would be appreciated. How can I get over the rejected feeling??? Or abandonment??? I am grateful these days dont last for long. But when they do come they seem to stretch out forever.
Response:
you probably don’t believe it but you are better off. He might be married but dollars to donuts he is probably still chatting with other women and visiting those porn sites. your road might be rocky now but it sounds like you are on the right one — darkness falls with steeley rain…. silver droplets hide the pain… and whisper secret hidden fears.. mocking icy, silent tears. Jeannie <jst42da…@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20010317213438.11684.00000937@ng-ft1.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi all, > The past day or so has not been so hot for me. I know everyone has bad days as > well as good days, but I am wondering about something and I have tried to find > information on the net, but can’t. Or not for the specific question I have. > The question is do any of you have problems dealing with rejection and/or > abandonment??? Through therapy I realized these were BIG deals for me and to > sum up a long story: > I moved out from a guy I had lived with for over a year-this was Oct. of last > year. He really wanted to marry-but I did not. The last time we were together > was Thanksgiving(2000) I found out recently he has already married!!!!!!!!! > Yep. One of the reasons I left him was he was chatting with women on the net > and going into teen porn sights. That really triggered me b/c of my history. > So last night my 15 year old son saw him and his new wife at grocery store and > they drove away in a brand new Mustang. (He always wanted one) And her I am > back in public housing, trying to get my degree so I can move forward and have > a better life. > By the way this is the first time in my entire life I have been without a > relationship. Mentally, physically and emotionally. When I start to beat up > on myself for that, I remember what my therapist says, "Honor what you do to > survive." (If that makes sense.) > Anyhow—for whatever reason I find it hard to let go of something, even when > it was something I didn’t want to begin with. > Does this make sense to any one??? > Just wondering and any input would be appreciated. How can I get over the > rejected feeling??? Or abandonment??? > I am grateful these days dont last for long. But when they do come they seem > to stretch out forever.
Response:
Hi Jeannie! > The question is do any of you have problems dealing with rejection and/or > abandonment??? Through therapy I realized these were BIG deals for me
Of course. We could not have a lot of the PTSD symptoms without a lot of shame … I think that the shame comes from our perceiving that we have been rejected or abandoned by something or someone due to our trauma(s). > By the way this is the first time in my entire life I have been without a > relationship. Mentally, physically and emotionally. When I start to beat up > on myself for that, I remember what my therapist says, "Honor what you do to > survive." (If that makes sense.)
Yes! Actually, you still have the most important relationship … the relationship with yourself. > Anyhow—for whatever reason I find it hard to let go of something, even when > it was something I didn’t want to begin with. > Does this make sense to any one???
With PTSD there is a lot of perceived safety in the chaos I have survived. When I am too calm for too long, I tend to yearn for the old chaos, the same way I yearn for chocolate sometimes. This is a difficult yearning to let go. > Just wondering and any input would be appreciated. How can I get over the > rejected feeling??? Or abandonment???
Therapy, meds, being good to myself physcially (smells, sights, music etc)… all these tell my body that _I_ have not rejected it nor abandoned it. YMMV Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
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