Trauma – PTSD

Question:

Hello all: I have a question for everyone. I have struggled for years with Complex PTSD and one thing I have noticed through out all these years is my struggle to accomplish things. I feel as though I work contantly at one thing or another – both with work and with my lfie and yet never feel as though I have accomplished anything. I am exhausted all the time and I feel as though I am struggling with everything yet never really accomplishing any thing. Does anyone else feel this way? I know that I am not a lazy person and no one around me would describe me as such – yet I still never really accomplish anything! Very frustrating. Catz

Response:

Hi Catz! > I am exhausted all > the time and I feel as though I am struggling with everything yet > never really accomplishing any thing. Does anyone else feel this way? > I know that I am not a lazy person and no one around me would describe > me as such – yet I still never really accomplish anything! Very > frustrating.

You bring up two interesting points, Catz. a. You and I have PTSD and thus, we both have distorted visions of reality.  How can either of us determine whether or not we are accomplishing anything? b. I have learned over time that ’stuggling against it’ makes my PTSD symptoms worse. YMMV Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy

Response:

i’m seeing a councillor for the first time for my ’suspected’ complex PTSD. i found this out myself from bullyline.org and i have just about every symptom but have yet to have this diagnosed properly. even 1 day of work is physically and mentally exhausting like i’ve worked for a week, i weigh 7 and a half stone, around 50kgs i think, mainly caused by my depression and constant anxiety. i was bullied a lot as a teenager at school (by kids AND teachers) and well into my adult life as i have a cleft palate condition,  so i missed out on my education a lot and all my exams. i’ve had numerous of painful surgery to try and correct my condition, it’s better than it was but not 100%. my confidence is shattered so much that no matter what i seem to do now, i always seem to come off worse for it also. i’ve lost any aspirations i may of had once before and feel totally unemployable now as i have no real skills or work history, i’m 32. i’ve been called lazy and worse plenty of times but i know it isn’t really that simple, i just feel beaten down and i cannot see a way out of it as yet, i’m totally nocturnal and sleep most of the day away a lot but that’s only slightly touching on it all. it is really frustrating, i always get confusing messages "am i disabled or handicapped? or am i just making lame excuses? trouble is, there has not been much research on the psychological aspect of living with a cleft palate/speech impediment, we’re certainly not treated with equality here in the UK, more like 2nd class citizens, especially workwise, yet it’s not considered serious enough to be a disability or handicap, but it’s handicapped me from getting past a job interview for sure, so i feel like i’m in a totoally vicious circle and also permanently in the poverty trap. hey ho. regards, baz Subject: Re: Question – Struggle to accomplish? From: Nancy kipc…@msn.com Date: 23/11/2004 00:47 GMT Standard Time Message-id: <2Nvod.3456$wa1.775@lakeread04> Hi Catz! > I am exhausted all > the time and I feel as though I am struggling with everything yet > never really accomplishing any thing. Does anyone else feel this way? > I know that I am not a lazy person and no one around me would describe > me as such – yet I still never really accomplish anything! Very > frustrating.

You bring up two interesting points, Catz. a. You and I have PTSD and thus, we both have distorted visions of reality.  How can either of us determine whether or not we are accomplishing anything? b. I have learned over time that ’stuggling against it’ makes my PTSD symptoms worse. YMMV Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy

Response:

In article <20041122222315.10404.00000…@mb-m25.aol.com>, Baz Automatic xx says… > …but it’s > handicapped me from getting past a job interview for sure, so i feel like i’m > in a totoally vicious circle and also permanently in the poverty trap. hey ho. > regards, baz

You put together a website and you wrote some great songs. You are far from talentless. Look at all the berks that have faces in one piece and can’t do anything at all. You also play guitar and sing in front of crowds, which makes you a lot braver than I am!

Response:

>You put together a website and you wrote some great songs. You are far >from talentless. Look at all the berks that have faces in one piece and >can’t do anything at all. You also play guitar and sing in front of >crowds, which makes you a lot braver than I am!

thanks, i appreciate it. although nowadays i feel i’ve taken 3 steps back again and don’t feel that brave at all right now, but at least i’ve done something i never ever thought i would, but i just can’t find the confidence to sing live again. the first time i sang live was in front of 100 rowdy drunken scots in the scottish highlands lol. unfortunately, i also couldn’t write a 4 line limerick if i tried now because of all the new present stress i’m feeling right now as i’m trying to fight for access with my 2 children but i’ve run into money worries with it to pay for all the legal proceedings. in the UK, fathers access rights is a joke, the courts may well take a dim view of my cptsd and even if i do win access, my ex can still refuse to let me see them and there’s nothing legally i can do to change that. i’ve updated a song on my site recently called ‘wandering stars’ (newly dedicated to my children). i wrote it 2 years ago for my ex partners neice (on request from my ex’s mum, which went unappreciated) so i recently just about managed to change most of the lyrics, more fitting now i think. the link to my pages is below. the song is on page 2 btw. >>http://www.angelfire.com/indie/demos/Home.html<<

i’m off for my first session of counselling tomorrow morning, i’ll let you all know how i got on. just hope i’m able to wake up early enough lol kind regards, baz

Response:

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