Question:
> Feels like we all take our turns.
think you’re right Shannon. sorry you’re in such a rut ZZ. i try to get a bunch of comedies rented from the video store when i get like that. i’ll just sit there and watch one after the other. Not that I keep up with them all, short attention span & not that it always works either. But it’s a distraction, know what I mean? I couldn’t even watch that stuff on the tv after the first week, because of how deeply it affected me. : ( Thank God for my tv remote. Just a click and I’m onto something else. kat
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See the planes run into the buildings over and over and over and over………… Brain clicks into my usual crisis mode. "Quick! Find something good about this. " Nothing. Can’t think of one. That is not my normal way. (example of my normal: Hear on news, 20 killed in a freeway pileup. the brain immediately says, "it is good, there are too many people" "some of them were probably molesters") Brain offers no alternative "happy" view on WTC. Strange! Then a gradual lessening of the generalized anxiety and a lifting of an off and on 20+ year depression. It is nice! But where did that come from? Watching an old documentary on TV last night. I see an old prop plane fly by the white house. Brain clicks, "This isn’t right. The plane was supposed to fly INTO the dome, not past it". What?? The phone rings. I jump out of my skin and wander around a bit before deciding whether to answer it. I am not expecting any unpleasant phone calls. I answer it. It is a telemarketer pest. I am polite to them rather than just setting the phone down to let them continue their spiel on their own. Life is different now. Not in a bad way. It is nice not being depressed. It is nice not crying several times a day. It is nice not crying at all. It is nice not having the butterflies batting around in my chest most of the day. I guess I will just enjoy it. But, I sure don’t get it. I am not even especially worried about what might change next.
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ZZ, I think this is the second time I’ve read your post. Truthfully I have a whole fantasy going on in my head about what happened 9/11. Superman racing to the trade center and saving at least one of the planes, catching it in his hand by the nose, sitting it safely down, and then he’s off, to the pentagon, to Pennsylvania. He rounds up the bad guys, Rudy G. has a parade for him and last we saw he was headed due East, root through a few caves. But I guess I agree with the theme of your post, yeah things are different. Compared to many others my life is going good. Feels like we all take our turns. Shannon
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Yeah, I posted it before. I just kinda needed a little feed back on it. At least this time around the war thing, we won’t mistreat our service people when they come back. I still feel guilty for not trying to help more back then after Nam. But, I was probably too young to be of much use. I sat and listened to the horrifying tales, and saw some of the guys fall apart. Or does being welcomed back with kindness make much difference. I don’t really know. Seems like it would, as long as no one forces them to happy parades and the like when they really need some peace and thinking time… "Ahote" <ah…@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20011121205340.22519.00001717@mb-cg.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> ZZ, > I think this is the second time I’ve read your post. > Truthfully I have a whole fantasy going on in my head about what happened 9/11. > Superman racing to the trade center and saving at least one of the planes, > catching it in his hand by the nose, sitting it safely down, and then he’s off, > to the pentagon, to Pennsylvania. He rounds up the bad guys, Rudy G. has a > parade for him and last we saw he was headed due East, root through a few > caves. > But I guess I agree with the theme of your post, yeah things are different. > Compared to many others my life is going good. > Feels like we all take our turns. > Shannon
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Hi Zig Zag! > Life is different now. Not in a bad way. It is nice not being depressed. It is > nice not crying several times a day. It is nice not crying at all. It is nice not > having the butterflies batting around in my chest most of the day. > I guess I will just enjoy it. But, I sure don’t get it. > I am not even especially worried about what might change next.
Well, I read your post the first time, and. after mentally agreeing to its truth, continued onward in my vicodin daze. Sorry :/ I agree. I know what to do in the event of war and chaos … it’s the perceived peace that confused me. I guess that we are about the same age. I remember coming back to the world in 1969 after 2 years in Okinawa and not recognizing almost every emotion that I encountered from the folks at home. I never realized how much shame I was supposed to have felt about my choice to join the military until that first year as a civilian. Heck, even my two years volunteering in the reserves were filled with the concept that most there my age had been 6 month active duty types who felt sorry for my 4 year active duty election to serve. Almost every country I visited in my first civilian job after I finished my MBA was in the throes of some sort of civil insurrection or turmoil: 15 countires in Latin America, plus Japan, Korea and the Netherlands. It was a relief to get out of the USA, where folks were blissfully ignorant of my perceived realities. Since the WTC and Pentagon bombings, I feel peaceful … as though the folks around me in the USA have finally been bombed out of complacency and into the ‘real world’. I’m to the point that what goes around comes around … and, while I am sorry that so many folks died from so many countries on 9/11, I’m glad that the rest of my fellow citizens have finally awakened and smelled the coffee. YMMV Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
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I’m a little behind in my movie watching but I just rented "Meet the Parents". Funny! I used to manage a video store, not a good job as I was having full blown ptsd symptoms at the time. OTOH it was an excellent job because I got to bring home movies and video games. Had 6 employees, most just kids in school and I wasn’t a very good manager. I did most of the work myself, it was just easier. We were open on Thanksgiving and I had to find at least 2 people to work it. Kept getting the whining "I can’t work, my family is all celebrating". I ended up doing a 10 hr. shift by myself, long time customers sympathizing when I explained, most saying the reason they were renting a movie was to avoid the relatives, hehehe. One woman was horrified though, went home made me a plate with all the fixins, brought it back up. Cheered me up a bit. My son came and kept me company, I hooked up a video game system and we played games until closing time. Can laugh about it now. Happy Thanksgiving! Shannon
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Nice post Nancy. I’ve always said it’s not the big things that throw me for a loop, it’s all the little things. It’s also weird to look into someone else’s face and recognize something that you struggle with. Sometimes that has a very calming effect, I don’t understand it either. By the way, thanks for serving. Shannon – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->I agree. I know what to do in the event of war and chaos … it’s the >perceived peace that confused me. I guess that we are about the same age. >I remember coming back to the world in 1969 after 2 years in Okinawa and not >recognizing almost every emotion that I encountered from the folks at home. >I never realized how much shame I was supposed to have felt about my choice >to join the military until that first year as a civilian. Heck, even my two >years volunteering in the reserves were filled with the concept that most >there my age had been 6 month active duty types who felt sorry for my 4 year >active duty election to serve. >Almost every country I visited in my first civilian job after I finished my >MBA was in the throes of some sort of civil insurrection or turmoil: 15 >countires in Latin America, plus Japan, Korea and the Netherlands. It was a >relief to get out of the USA, where folks were blissfully ignorant of my >perceived realities. >Since the WTC and Pentagon bombings, I feel peaceful … as though the >folks around me in the USA have finally been bombed out of complacency and >into the ‘real world’. I’m to the point that what goes around comes around >… and, while I am sorry that so many folks died from so many countries on >9/11, I’m glad that the rest of my fellow citizens have finally awakened and >smelled the coffee. >YMMV >Smile and there will be something to smile about! >Nancy
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Hi Shannon! > I’m a little behind in my movie watching but I just rented "Meet the Parents". > Funny!
Haven’t seen that one yet. I’m so behind that I don’t even recognize any titles when I go to the video store. > I used to manage a video store, not a good job as I was having full blown ptsd > symptoms at the time.
Don’t you wonder now how you did it? Wow. I can’t imagine being able to manage all that with full blown symptoms. > I ended > up doing a 10 hr. shift by myself, long time customers sympathizing when I > explained, most saying the reason they were renting a movie was to avoid the > relatives, hehehe.
So *that’s* how you get through those times. 
) > One woman was horrified though, went home made me a plate with all the fixins, > brought it back up. Cheered me up a bit. > My son came and kept me company, I hooked up a video game system and we played > games until closing time. > Can laugh about it now.
There are some really good people out there. And you made it better, too, by how you made the best out of the situation. One year I went to Disneyworld on Christmas Day, the year there had been two deaths in the family. It wasn’t a bad decision in retrospect, I actually enjoyed the day. Hannah
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Yeah, 300 something channels nowadays, and still the same choice, not much. Backup is always the Animal Planet when Nigel and Croc Hunter aint around. My cat studiously watches, really pays attention when wolves are on. Anyone see the idiot that got friendly with Mamma Bear and when she had cubs he reached in the cave and pulled a cub out. He kept food in front of him for protection. Ok, I’m ramblin. Shannon – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->Thank God for my tv remote. Just a click >and I’m onto something else. >kat
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<<<<I’ve always said it’s not the big things that throw me for a loop, it’s all the little things>>> Well I think that’s just part of the DSM’s diagnosis isn’t it? It just HAS to be!!! I can do a crisis, but put me in a family celebration with irritations and I go apeshit. Or if I get wet and uncomfortable walking from car to store in rain I get pissy. Go figure. Kristine – who thought everyone w/PTSD was like that: big crisis: okay, little shit: not okay
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Dear Nancy, I’m sorry to hear about your experiences in coming home from your military service. I realise that it must have seemed so ungrateful for the sacrifices you made in your own life, and the risks you took. I’m the one who posted here as a pacifist, and since then, I haven’t had many answers to my posts. I want you to know that I’m personally grateful to you for what you have suffered, whether in combat or as a person who has taught us about PTSD. I know that without your experiences, and those of others in a similar situation, I would never have had a correct diagnosis. I’m grateful to you for that. As for the pacifism, it’s really one helluva difficult question. One thing I’m sure of, is that it’s completely wrong to go for those individuals who have made sacrifices and taken risks in their own lives to protect the rest of us. I want you to know that. I may be critical against gouvernments etc, but for you, I feel only a huge respect for your courage and suffering. With love, Lotte "Nancy" <ki…@cris.com> skrev i meddelandet news:9tir06$so9@dispatch.concentric.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Zig Zag! > > Life is different now. Not in a bad way. It is nice not being depressed. > It is > > nice not crying several times a day. It is nice not crying at all. It is > nice not > > having the butterflies batting around in my chest most of the day. > > I guess I will just enjoy it. But, I sure don’t get it. > > I am not even especially worried about what might change next. > Well, I read your post the first time, and. after mentally agreeing to its > truth, continued onward in my vicodin daze. Sorry :/ > I agree. I know what to do in the event of war and chaos … it’s the > perceived peace that confused me. I guess that we are about the same age. > I remember coming back to the world in 1969 after 2 years in Okinawa and not > recognizing almost every emotion that I encountered from the folks at home. > I never realized how much shame I was supposed to have felt about my choice > to join the military until that first year as a civilian. Heck, even my two > years volunteering in the reserves were filled with the concept that most > there my age had been 6 month active duty types who felt sorry for my 4 year > active duty election to serve. > Almost every country I visited in my first civilian job after I finished my > MBA was in the throes of some sort of civil insurrection or turmoil: 15 > countires in Latin America, plus Japan, Korea and the Netherlands. It was a > relief to get out of the USA, where folks were blissfully ignorant of my > perceived realities. > Since the WTC and Pentagon bombings, I feel peaceful … as though the > folks around me in the USA have finally been bombed out of complacency and > into the ‘real world’. I’m to the point that what goes around comes around > … and, while I am sorry that so many folks died from so many countries on > 9/11, I’m glad that the rest of my fellow citizens have finally awakened and > smelled the coffee. > YMMV > Smile and there will be something to smile about! > Nancy
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When I was a rock singer, I used to say: I’m so scared of everything, that going out on a stage and singing to 1000 people doesn’t upset me more, than going down to the store to buy cigarrettes. I freak out whatever I do, so I might as well do the hard thing: It makes no difference to me. Hugs, Lotte "BaliKris" <balik…@aol.comzipspam> skrev i meddelandet news:20011122171836.27443.00001995@mb-fo.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> <<<<I’ve always said it’s not the big things that throw me for a loop, it’s all > the > little things>>> > Well I think that’s just part of the DSM’s diagnosis isn’t it? It just HAS to > be!!! I can do a crisis, but put me in a family celebration with irritations > and I go apeshit. Or if I get wet and uncomfortable walking from car to store > in rain I get pissy. > Go figure. > Kristine – who thought everyone w/PTSD was like that: big crisis: okay, little > shit: not okay
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My mother has two cats, a smart one and a…less smart one. The smart one doesn’t give a damn’ about TV, but the…well, less smart one can sit and watch nature programs, preferably big cats in Africa, deeply concentrated for hours on end. I don’t know what conclusions to draw from that… The clever one, Svenne, can open a door from the outside by hanging on the handle whilst pushing away from the wall beside the door with his hind legs. The …not so clever one, Janne, hasn’t figured out how to pull his claws in yet…and he’s 8 years old. We’re not sure if he knows his own name. But the question is: Doesn’t he have a richer inner life, and imagination? Hmmm…Lotte "Ahote" <ah…@aol.com> skrev i meddelandet news:20011122170018.13607.00002085@mb-dh.aol.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Yeah, 300 something channels nowadays, and still the same choice, not much. > Backup is always the Animal Planet when Nigel and Croc Hunter aint around. > My cat studiously watches, really pays attention when wolves are on. > Anyone see the idiot that got friendly with Mamma Bear and when she had cubs he > reached in the cave and pulled a cub out. > He kept food in front of him for protection. > Ok, I’m ramblin. > Shannon > >Thank God for my tv remote. Just a click > >and I’m onto something else. > >kat
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Hi Shannon, > I’m a little behind in my movie watching but I just rented "Meet the Parents". > Funny!
YES!!! My husband and I laughed so much over that one. Have you ever seen "Something about Mary"? That’s my all-time favorite. > I used to manage a video store, not a good job as I was having full blown
ptsd Yikes, I don’t know if it’s the ptsd or just me, but I can’t tolerate being in a customer service type position. Too short tempered, short fused. I tip my hat to ya for being able to do that. : ) > One woman was horrified though, went home made me a plate with all the fixins, > brought it back up. Cheered me up a bit.
There ARE good, decent people out there. Some days, I think, ahh, bullshit! No way! But then when something neat DOES happen, it just sort of knocks my socks off. The neatest "gifts" in life are the least expected perhaps? I don’t know, I just know it makes me feel good. To hear good stories like this. Thanks Shannon. Happy turkey day to you too! *grinning* kat
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> Ok, I’m ramblin.
LOL! kat no, never saw that guy with the mama bear and cubs, but would have liked to. Would have lmao over THAT!
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yep, me three. : ( > Well I think that’s just part of the DSM’s diagnosis isn’t it? It just HAS to > be!!! I can do a crisis,
know what you mean Kris, about going apeshit. kat
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know what you mean Kris, about going apeshit. kat>>>> Or, in your case Katgirl, going horseshit. Take yer pick there hehe
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><<<<I’ve always said it’s not the big things that throw me for a loop, it’s >all >the >little things>>>
Ditto here. I have handled deaths in the family better than I have some of the smaller things in life. The small stuff is what gets me. Three days from now, I cannot tell you what will be bothering me at all. Best, Luanne http://members.aol.com/luannep/adoption.htm http://members.aol.com/luannemarie/capage2.htm
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>Yikes, I don’t know if it’s the ptsd or just me, but I can’t tolerate being >in a customer service type position. Too short tempered, short fused. I >tip my hat to ya for being able to do that. : )
Ditto this too!!!!! I was a waitress for many years. By the end of that "career" I was down to working three days a week and taking a full mg of xanax to get out of the door at 6:00 a.m. I blew at a demanding customer one day and got fired from my job. Shortly afterwards, I was awarded compensation from VA, which I had fought for. Best, Luanne http://members.aol.com/luannep/adoption.htm http://members.aol.com/luannemarie/capage2.htm
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Hi Lotte! > I’m sorry to hear about your experiences in coming home from your military > service. I realise that it must have seemed so ungrateful for the > sacrifices you made in your own life, and the risks you took.
Actually, the war between men and women in the U.S. Army was a little larger than the war between us and the NVA. I had no idea when I signed up that I would be part of a losing battle on both fronts. :/ > I’m the one who posted here as a pacifist, and since then, I haven’t had > many answers to my posts.
I’m sorry that you feel these two facts are related. I did not notice, actually, that you are a pacifist. Heck, I am too. My reality is that old folks make war and youngsters fight them. I personally was much more fond of voting for Clinton (who kept us out of wars for the most part) than for Bush (who seems like a photogenic Quail to me). > I want you to know that I’m personally grateful to > you for what you have suffered, whether in combat or as a person who has > taught us about PTSD. I know that without your experiences, and those of > others in a similar situation, I would never have had a correct diagnosis. > I’m grateful to you for that.
Little miracles come from others all the time. If you have benefitted from my posts, I am glad. Sometimes I think that this is the only reason I keep on posting. > As for the pacifism, it’s really one helluva difficult question. One thing > I’m sure of, is that it’s completely wrong to go for those individuals who > have made sacrifices and taken risks in their own lives to protect the rest > of us. I want you to know that. I may be critical against gouvernments etc, > but for you, I feel only a huge respect for your courage and suffering.
That was the BIG LESSON from the Vietnam experience: the difference between the policy makers and the policy workers. I hope that it doesn’t have to be relearned for another millenium. Thank you for your support, Lotte. Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
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And thank you for yours, Nancy! Hugs, Lotte "Nancy" <ki…@cris.com> skrev i meddelandet news:9tleaa$snr@dispatch.concentric.net… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi Lotte! > > I’m sorry to hear about your experiences in coming home from your military > > service. I realise that it must have seemed so ungrateful for the > > sacrifices you made in your own life, and the risks you took. > Actually, the war between men and women in the U.S. Army was a little larger > than the war between us and the NVA. I had no idea when I signed up that I > would be part of a losing battle on both fronts. :/ > > I’m the one who posted here as a pacifist, and since then, I haven’t had > > many answers to my posts. > I’m sorry that you feel these two facts are related. I did not notice, > actually, that you are a pacifist. Heck, I am too. My reality is that old > folks make war and youngsters fight them. I personally was much more fond > of voting for Clinton (who kept us out of wars for the most part) than for > Bush (who seems like a photogenic Quail to me). > > I want you to know that I’m personally grateful to > > you for what you have suffered, whether in combat or as a person who has > > taught us about PTSD. I know that without your experiences, and those of > > others in a similar situation, I would never have had a correct diagnosis. > > I’m grateful to you for that. > Little miracles come from others all the time. If you have benefitted from > my posts, I am glad. Sometimes I think that this is the only reason I keep > on posting. > > As for the pacifism, it’s really one helluva difficult question. One thing > > I’m sure of, is that it’s completely wrong to go for those individuals who > > have made sacrifices and taken risks in their own lives to protect the > rest > > of us. I want you to know that. I may be critical against gouvernments > etc, > > but for you, I feel only a huge respect for your courage and suffering. > That was the BIG LESSON from the Vietnam experience: the difference between > the policy makers and the policy workers. I hope that it doesn’t have to be > relearned for another millenium. > Thank you for your support, Lotte. > Smile and there will be something to smile about! > Nancy
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>Actually, the war between men and women in the U.S. Army was a little larger >than the war between us and the NVA. I had no idea when I signed up that I >would be part of a losing battle on both fronts. :/
Tell me about it, Nancy. I too, had NO IDEA what I had signed up for back in 1977 and when I came home from Germany in October 1979, I was a totally different person. Where DID that other person go?? Best, Luanne http://members.aol.com/luannep/adoption.htm http://members.aol.com/luannemarie/capage2.htm
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Hi Shannon! > My therapist kept saying "Your so smart" and I would cringe, say nothing. She > said it again at another appt. and I just blew a gasket. I don’t feel so smart > when the shit is hittin the fan. It feels like another patronizing statement. > Like I’m supposed to be too smart to have ptsd. > Maybe if I was just all out stupid I wouldn’t even realize it..
If a therapist doesn’t know the difference between IQ and EQ, the therapist didn’t listen much during her/his education. While IQ can measure intelligence, it cannot measure emotional capabilities. Having a high IQ just meant that I knew something was wrong, not that I could figure out what was wrong. According to some of the Emotional Quotient tests on the net, I’m in the lowest percentile. Duh!!! YMMV Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
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Hi Lu! > >Actually, the war between men and women in the U.S. Army was a little larger > >than the war between us and the NVA. I had no idea when I signed up that I > >would be part of a losing battle on both fronts. :/ > Tell me about it, Nancy. I too, had NO IDEA what I had signed up for back in > 1977 and when I came home from Germany in October 1979, I was a totally > different person. Where DID that other person go??
Sorry to hear that little progress was made in 10 years. There seems to be little progress since then, if I can believe the younger women from Desert Storm etc. OTOH, as a percentage if the women ETSing, I suspect that the situation is better now. How does it feel to be an innovater, a boundary-breaker, at the beginning of a new phase of female-male relationships? Not always good, unfortunately. :/ Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy
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