Trauma – PTSD

Question:

I also would like to suggest some reading. John Bradshaw, Alice Miller ( For your own good, Drama of the gifted child), Arthur Janov (Primal Scream), Timmen Chermak (?) who wrote on acoa/ptsd, Claudia Black (It will never happen to me). I am not postive of the spelling or titles, as it has been awhile. There is a ton of stuff out there that is helpful, but I made the mistake of diving into it  without a therapist, and opened up doors  that devastated me. Several wives of Vietnam Vets wrote books or newsletters that are helpful. Just type ptsd or acoa into google, and spend hours doing the research. I do think Herman’s book is the best out there for ptsd/family trauma but Bradshaw has some great stuff book in book and on tape (audio/vcr). Until the early stuff gets worked on, life is a series of painful events without love paying a visit. After the years of work, love comes around, but the ptsd seems to be a constant. If you want to see what damage childhood pain can cause, research Harry  Harlow and his work with primates. there is a book out there with pictures of his emotionally deprived primates. They look like most acoa/ptsd children do,  drawing pain with every breath. Good luck. Hugh – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -"dee" <tcarey2…@rogers.com> wrote in message <news:vt3Ba.264367$M81.212231@news02.bloor.is.net.cable.rogers.com>… > Hi all, > my spouse and I have been doing a lot of reading on PTSD lately because we > suspect that he has been suffering from it as a result of childhood abuse. > What he remembers from childhood is that his parents were alcohol abusers in > the evening (his father worked during the day). > He says that he knew from a very young age that once his parents started > drinking at night, it was easier to get what he wanted in terms of a toy, > etc. > They didn’t offer him and his sister much more than the basic needs of > shelter and food. They never got involved in his schooling, never went to > school functions, etc. He also remembers being told not to kiss or hug his > father anymore when he was very young, because "boys don’t behave like that" > and his father didn’t like it. It upsets him quite a bit to think about > that. Also, he used to like jumping up on his parents’ bed on weekend > mornings, and his father would throw him off the bed to "toughen him up." > He says that even at a young age, he was aware of the fact that there was > something wrong/different about his parents, and he was ashamed of it. He > clearly remembers never wanting his friends to come over because he felt > that his house wasn’t "normal." > He doesn’t remember any physical abuse, but he does know that he was > repeatedly made to feel shame and guilt. He was always told to "think about > what you did!" > His mother was diagnosed with cancer when he was 10 and died a year later, > after an agonizing period which she spent at home. He remembers her bed in > the dining room (placed there so they could keep an eye on her), his mother > hooked up to an IV, she often moaned in pain and had to be given morphine. > He says that he was told not to go near her, not to kiss her or hold her > because he "could give her germs." And he remembers clearly how her sickness > and subsequent death weren’t discussed AT ALL. > His father became even more disengaged after his wife’s death, and he kept > spending evening after evening, sitting at the kitchen table, drinking beer > and smoking. He passed away when my spouse was 27. > His sister does not remember much of their childhood. However, she remembers > that she was always desperate to get her parents’ attention. She was 18 at > the time of the mother’s death. She attempted suicide a few years later. She > has been diagnosed with depression at the age of 30 and has been taking > Prozac since. > Now back to my spouse. > He also has been suffering from depression, but it seems that his depression > is triggered by certain events, as opposed to being chronic. He experienced > a very serious episode at the age of 29. He was being evaluated at his job, > which involved someone watching him perform and critiquing him. He couldn’t > handle it for more than ten days. He could not sleep, could not eat, he > weeped for hours every day. His doctor put him on Zoloft for a while, but he > went off it after two years because he was experiencing a lot of rage. > He has been doing fine, but he’s noticed that whenever he is required to > perform in front of an audience, and criticism is involved, he loses sleep > over it, feels anxiety and panic, and has a constant fear of the "what if" > this or that were to happen. > What I haven’t said is that he exhibits all of the underlying PTSD symptoms. > I know I shouldn’t be writing this on his behalf, but his condition affects > me and our relationship greatly. For the longest time I thought that his > constant anger, his emotional detachment, his difficulty with intimacy were > my fault, and since we have been consideting PTSD as a possible cause, it > has helped me deal with all of this. However, he doesn’t like to talk about > his childhood, he becomes angry if I say that perhaps there are things that > he has completely blocked off from his memory and that he should see a > therapist. What is interesting is that the night we were discussing PTSD and > he realized that his childhood was quite abusive emotionally, he had very > disturbing dreams of a surreal nature. > Anyhow, my post is already too long and I apologize for taking so much of > your time. But I would like to know if there are books, websites, etc. that > deal with the effects of the kind of childhood trauma that I described. > Also, any resource for spouses of PTSD sufferers? > Thanks a lot in advance! > Dee

Response:

Hi dee! > my spouse and I have been doing a lot of reading on PTSD lately > because we suspect that he has been suffering from it as a result of > childhood abuse.

I suggest that, whether or not he has PTSD, he needs to get to an Al-Anon or ACOA meeting.  And, you might want to go also … it is very easy to get enmeshed in this kind of relationship and lose your own self. Among other reasons to go to 12 Step meetings is that subsequent individual therapy is much more comfortable for the individual. PTSD seems to be the mental illness du jour; its diagnosis must be made by an experienced professional.  OTOH, more than one of us here also has received significant help from 12 Stepping and that is a valid self- diagnosis. YMMV Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy

Response:

Hi all, my spouse and I have been doing a lot of reading on PTSD lately because we suspect that he has been suffering from it as a result of childhood abuse. What he remembers from childhood is that his parents were alcohol abusers in the evening (his father worked during the day). He says that he knew from a very young age that once his parents started drinking at night, it was easier to get what he wanted in terms of a toy, etc. They didn’t offer him and his sister much more than the basic needs of shelter and food. They never got involved in his schooling, never went to school functions, etc. He also remembers being told not to kiss or hug his father anymore when he was very young, because "boys don’t behave like that" and his father didn’t like it. It upsets him quite a bit to think about that. Also, he used to like jumping up on his parents’ bed on weekend mornings, and his father would throw him off the bed to "toughen him up." He says that even at a young age, he was aware of the fact that there was something wrong/different about his parents, and he was ashamed of it. He clearly remembers never wanting his friends to come over because he felt that his house wasn’t "normal." He doesn’t remember any physical abuse, but he does know that he was repeatedly made to feel shame and guilt. He was always told to "think about what you did!" His mother was diagnosed with cancer when he was 10 and died a year later, after an agonizing period which she spent at home. He remembers her bed in the dining room (placed there so they could keep an eye on her), his mother hooked up to an IV, she often moaned in pain and had to be given morphine. He says that he was told not to go near her, not to kiss her or hold her because he "could give her germs." And he remembers clearly how her sickness and subsequent death weren’t discussed AT ALL. His father became even more disengaged after his wife’s death, and he kept spending evening after evening, sitting at the kitchen table, drinking beer and smoking. He passed away when my spouse was 27. His sister does not remember much of their childhood. However, she remembers that she was always desperate to get her parents’ attention. She was 18 at the time of the mother’s death. She attempted suicide a few years later. She has been diagnosed with depression at the age of 30 and has been taking Prozac since. Now back to my spouse. He also has been suffering from depression, but it seems that his depression is triggered by certain events, as opposed to being chronic. He experienced a very serious episode at the age of 29. He was being evaluated at his job, which involved someone watching him perform and critiquing him. He couldn’t handle it for more than ten days. He could not sleep, could not eat, he weeped for hours every day. His doctor put him on Zoloft for a while, but he went off it after two years because he was experiencing a lot of rage. He has been doing fine, but he’s noticed that whenever he is required to perform in front of an audience, and criticism is involved, he loses sleep over it, feels anxiety and panic, and has a constant fear of the "what if" this or that were to happen. What I haven’t said is that he exhibits all of the underlying PTSD symptoms. I know I shouldn’t be writing this on his behalf, but his condition affects me and our relationship greatly. For the longest time I thought that his constant anger, his emotional detachment, his difficulty with intimacy were my fault, and since we have been consideting PTSD as a possible cause, it has helped me deal with all of this. However, he doesn’t like to talk about his childhood, he becomes angry if I say that perhaps there are things that he has completely blocked off from his memory and that he should see a therapist. What is interesting is that the night we were discussing PTSD and he realized that his childhood was quite abusive emotionally, he had very disturbing dreams of a surreal nature. Anyhow, my post is already too long and I apologize for taking so much of your time. But I would like to know if there are books, websites, etc. that deal with the effects of the kind of childhood trauma that I described. Also, any resource for spouses of PTSD sufferers? Thanks a lot in advance! Dee

Response:

Dee, The best resource I found was my local ACOA (or ACA) group.  Your husband sounds like just the sort of person who can be helped by this approach, with or without a diagnosis of PTSD.   He doesn’t need to participate– he can just go to meetings and listen to the others there and he will soon see that he is not alone in what he has experienced.  This realization and the comfort it provides can be a great first step toward getting the help he needs.  Do a web search on ACOA or ACA to find a meeting in your area. Aside from this, I’d recommend Judith Herman’s book "Trauma and Recovery" for a better understanding of Complex PTSD.  Please bear in mind, though, that avoidance is natural for PTSD patients and merely reading such a book can bring many triggers into view which could create additional stress reactions in him. To read a book like this, your husband will have to move at a slow pace, in all probability, and he probably will want to be in therapy first.  A trusting relationship with a good therapist who understands trauma is thought to be critical to recovery by most PTSD patients.  A word of caution is in order, though, because an uninformed therapist can do more harm than good; make sure the therapist he selects has a solid understanding of PTSD that stems from childhood trauma. That’s a place to start; I’m sure others will have their own thoughts.  Hope some of it helps. Hopeful one. "dee" <tcarey2…@rogers.com> wrote in message

news:vt3Ba.264367$M81.212231@news02.bloor.is.net.cable.rogers.com… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Hi all, > my spouse and I have been doing a lot of reading on PTSD lately because we > suspect that he has been suffering from it as a result of childhood abuse. > What he remembers from childhood is that his parents were alcohol abusers in > the evening (his father worked during the day). > He says that he knew from a very young age that once his parents started > drinking at night, it was easier to get what he wanted in terms of a toy, > etc. > They didn’t offer him and his sister much more than the basic needs of > shelter and food. They never got involved in his schooling, never went to > school functions, etc. He also remembers being told not to kiss or hug his > father anymore when he was very young, because "boys don’t behave like that" > and his father didn’t like it. It upsets him quite a bit to think about > that. Also, he used to like jumping up on his parents’ bed on weekend > mornings, and his father would throw him off the bed to "toughen him up." > He says that even at a young age, he was aware of the fact that there was > something wrong/different about his parents, and he was ashamed of it. He > clearly remembers never wanting his friends to come over because he felt > that his house wasn’t "normal." > He doesn’t remember any physical abuse, but he does know that he was > repeatedly made to feel shame and guilt. He was always told to "think about > what you did!" > His mother was diagnosed with cancer when he was 10 and died a year later, > after an agonizing period which she spent at home. He remembers her bed in > the dining room (placed there so they could keep an eye on her), his mother > hooked up to an IV, she often moaned in pain and had to be given morphine. > He says that he was told not to go near her, not to kiss her or hold her > because he "could give her germs." And he remembers clearly how her sickness > and subsequent death weren’t discussed AT ALL. > His father became even more disengaged after his wife’s death, and he kept > spending evening after evening, sitting at the kitchen table, drinking beer > and smoking. He passed away when my spouse was 27. > His sister does not remember much of their childhood. However, she remembers > that she was always desperate to get her parents’ attention. She was 18 at > the time of the mother’s death. She attempted suicide a few years later. She > has been diagnosed with depression at the age of 30 and has been taking > Prozac since. > Now back to my spouse. > He also has been suffering from depression, but it seems that his depression > is triggered by certain events, as opposed to being chronic. He experienced > a very serious episode at the age of 29. He was being evaluated at his job, > which involved someone watching him perform and critiquing him. He couldn’t > handle it for more than ten days. He could not sleep, could not eat, he > weeped for hours every day. His doctor put him on Zoloft for a while, but he > went off it after two years because he was experiencing a lot of rage. > He has been doing fine, but he’s noticed that whenever he is required to > perform in front of an audience, and criticism is involved, he loses sleep > over it, feels anxiety and panic, and has a constant fear of the "what if" > this or that were to happen. > What I haven’t said is that he exhibits all of the underlying PTSD symptoms. > I know I shouldn’t be writing this on his behalf, but his condition affects > me and our relationship greatly. For the longest time I thought that his > constant anger, his emotional detachment, his difficulty with intimacy were > my fault, and since we have been consideting PTSD as a possible cause, it > has helped me deal with all of this. However, he doesn’t like to talk about > his childhood, he becomes angry if I say that perhaps there are things that > he has completely blocked off from his memory and that he should see a > therapist. What is interesting is that the night we were discussing PTSD and > he realized that his childhood was quite abusive emotionally, he had very > disturbing dreams of a surreal nature. > Anyhow, my post is already too long and I apologize for taking so much of > your time. But I would like to know if there are books, websites, etc. that > deal with the effects of the kind of childhood trauma that I described. > Also, any resource for spouses of PTSD sufferers? > Thanks a lot in advance! > Dee

Response:

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