Trauma – PTSD

Question:

Hi All: I haven’t posted in a long time. I have been afraid to post. I’m sorry group, I know that everyone who can bring themselves to post should. I have two wonderful pen pals who post here pretty often and one of them has been trying to get me to start posting again so here goes. Several of the posts that I just read that mentioned the many people out there lurking made me want to get back on again. I know first hand that there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of lurkers out there who read every post and get a lot of support from reading them but they are just unable to post themselves.   How do I know this?? Late one evening I posted here with an offer of sharing the many coping tools that I use and boy was that ever a mistake. I had 48 email notes in my mail box the next morning. I read each one and had started replying to them. There were more emails coming in and the number had reached 52 when I had hardrive failure and lost everything. Ever since I have been too ashamed at letting so many people down to show my face in the ng. I know there were a lot of people in need and I failed them. If you are one of those 52 people that I didn’t get back to I’m sorry, please forgive me. Please don’t email me though. There are just too many of you out there. I have PTSD too and I just can’t cope with that much email. Read the posts in the ng and the coping tools will be talked about. Trauma brings a lot of common symptoms and almost all of them are talked about here in the ng. The coping tools for the many symptoms are talked about here too. It’s been a while since I have posted and I know a lot of you out there are new to the ng so here is a little about me so you will know that you aren’t alone. I am a combat veteran and my trauma came in 1969. I had 172 trauma events that I am aware of. After one particular awful trauma event, I self labeled myself with a terrible label that has been very hard to shake. I went untreated for my full blown PTSD until June of 1996. I have now successfully completed a 28 week course of intense therapy and I attend an aftercare group once a week. I also attend a 12 step PTSD anonymous group and I have a one on one therapist that I see once a week. I also have two PTSD pen pals who help me very much. I have come a long way down the road to recovery and I am getting my life back. The recovery road is a long one though and I know very well that it may have no end. The main problem that I still deal with is panic attacks. I was in four terrorist type bombing events and those events trigger panic attacks in crowds and in almost any sort of unfamiliar situation. Many of the panic attacks have been so intense that they qualified as new trauma. I still have every one of the PTSD symptoms that are in the book but I am now coping with most of them. I’m glad to be back posting again. Please let me know that you are there group. Keep present focused! Frank

Response:

Hi Frank, Welcome back!!!!!!!!! Eileen

Response:

Hi Eileen: You wrote: > Hi Frank, > Welcome back!!!!!!!!! > Eileen

Thank you for the welcome back. I need that very much from the ng. I came on much too strong when I first posted many months ago. I had just completed some very good therapy and I wrongly thought that everyone needed my information. This time around, I will try my best to just be here for people. Maybe do some sharing when I have something for someone that posts, wanting to feel less alone. Keep present focused! Frank

Response:

Hi Nancy: Thanks so much for the welcome back. You wrote: > Thank you for confirming my ‘woman’s intuitive hunch’ about lurkers; > it’s another clue to me that maybe my body has a valid idea.

Always listen to your body it knows things that the mind isn’t conscious of. It can be a pain though, as in anniversary dates of trauma events that the body tells you about. I had a very similar intuition about the lurkers and boy did I ever have it confirmed. I have very mixed emotions about the hardrive crash that saved me from myself. I would have been interested to know just how many emails the final total would have been. On the other hand I was in a panic at the thought of trying to answer all of the ones that I did get. It felt so overwhelming to have so many depending on me for help. I was thinking that I might get a few posts in response then when the email started rolling in, I knew that I had really stepped in it. I just posted something with the subject of "Re: Thanks for sharing info!" that was very tuff for me to share and I hope that it hasn’t turned you and a lot of other people off to replying to me. I got carried away and forgot to put the spoiler warning on there. Please forgive me Nancy and all!! It seems like even with the best of intentions, I am always find ways of screwing up here in the ng. Damn, I wonder if I might have something wrong with me, perhaps PTSD? :-/ I hope that you know that I’m just kidding about that last part. I’m certified! I have a diploma and everything. You wrote: > I am a firm believer that the ng is more useful than ‘back water’ > commo.  I am not always in good enough shape to respond individually. > The sharing and support from using the ng allows me the freedom to not > respond when I don’t feel like it.  Something about ‘not being trapped’ >

I know what you mean Nancy. I know a lot of the group post with their email address not available for that very reason. I respect that and I understand believe me!!! I do have my email address available and I am so thankful that I do. I have made contact in that way with two pen pals now and they have been some of the best help in healing that I have ever had. Nancy the 12 step program that I am in was just started recently by vets at the center that I go to for help. I really don’t have any information except for the few handouts that we have and they are written especially for vets although with a few word changes they would work for any PTSD group. I will check with the guy who got us started and find out where he got the literature for PTSD anonymous 12 step program. Keep present focused! Frank

Response:

Hi Frank! Welcome back! (in more ways than one Thank you for confirming my ‘woman’s intuitive hunch’ about lurkers; it’s another clue to me that maybe my body has a valid idea. > How do I know this?? Late one evening I posted here with an offer of > sharing the many coping tools that I use and boy was that ever a > mistake. I had 48 email notes in my mail box the next morning. I read > each one and had started replying to them. There were more emails coming > in and the number had reached 52 when I had hardrive failure and lost > everything. Ever since I have been too ashamed at letting so many people > down to show my face in the ng. I know there were a lot of people in > need and I failed them.

We are all in pain.  I believe that when we offer more than we have in energy, something (which I choose to call my Higher Power) intercedes with ‘help’ (sometimes the kind of help we don’t want … like a hard drive failure > There are just too many of you out there. I have PTSD too and I just > can’t cope with that much email. Read the posts in the ng and the coping > tools will be talked about. Trauma brings a lot of common symptoms and > almost all of them are talked about here in the ng. The coping tools for > the many symptoms are talked about here too.

I am a firm believer that the ng is more useful than ‘back water’ commo.  I am not always in good enough shape to respond individually. The sharing and support from using the ng allows me the freedom to not respond when I don’t feel like it.  Something about ‘not being trapped’ > I attend an aftercare group once a week. I also attend a 12 step PTSD > anonymous group and I have a one on one therapist that I see once a

I’ve not heard of a 12 step PTSD group.  Can you provide more details? like where to write for more information, etc? Smile and there will be something to smile about! Nancy

Response:

Hi Frank!! Nice to see you here again!! A snip from what you wrote: <<…. I came on much too strong when I first posted many months ago. I had just completed some very good therapy and I wrongly thought that everyone needed my information. This time around, I will try my best to just be here for people…. >> No need to apologize, Frank! Hey, you wouldn’t have gotten that slew of emails if we didn’t need information along with support! Don’t be so hard on yourself. Just glad to have you back in the group again!! …. to give and GET support! Jan

Response:

Hi wallpaper: I have been out of town for a few days and then I somehow missed your post to me with the information about the helper dog until now. I am including enough of our posts from the "Afraid to post thread so anyone who reads this will know what we are talking about in this post. Frank wrote: > >> >The main problem that I still deal with is panic attacks. I was in four > >> >terrorist type bombing events and those events trigger panic attacks in > >> >crowds and in almost any sort of unfamiliar situation. Many of the panic > >> >attacks have been so intense that they qualified as new trauma. I still > >> >have every one of the PTSD symptoms that are in the book but I am now > >> >coping with most of them. > >wallpaper: > >> Prayers to you, Frank. I know first hand how scary panic attacks can be, > >> esp. because they are so darned unpredictable!

Frank: > >Thanks wallpaper and it’s nice to know that I’m not alone. I wish you > >could find the answer to your problem with this so that you could be > >free of panic attacks and then share the fix for them with the rest of > >us. I’m working on them from every angle that I can think of. I have > >worked hard and have pretty good control of my many other PTSD symptoms. > >My panic attacks come on most of the time with a tiny flashback of a > >crowd trying to escape a bomb. Any suggestions will be appreciated and > >looked at. I have completed five of the most well known therapies for > >this one and I have written volumes trying to change every part of the > >original trauma. Still they come.

wallpaper: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I got a VERY good suggestion from a poster to another group and I am > working to get the same for me.  She had a helper dog trained just for > her PTSD situations. You know how we always talk about grounding onto > something familiar when a panic attack/flashback comes at you…well > imagine having some(one)/thing with you that you could relate to and > have instant gratification and unconditional love from in the face of > an attack! My therapist and psychiatrist think it’s a great idea…even > if it’s just to motivate you out of the house to walk the dog or take it > to the vet. Just imagine that old feeling of a panic coming on and being > able to reach down and make reality contact with your 24 hour partner! > And, BTW, there are no public places that can deny a helper dog access > under the ADA! > I was injured in a bicycle/car crash in ‘74 and have what will probably > be some permanent muscle/nerve damage on my left side so a dog would be > very helpful to me. > That’s the suggestion I have right now. > wallpaper > — >                       Fight e-mail spam! > When replying to a post, cutoff the server ID (i.e."@cyberjerks.com.) >           Just use the User name, if possible. >      Stop the spammer skimmers from adding to their list!

Thank you so much for the information about helper dogs wallpaper. I can see that a dog would really be a trusted rock of strength to lean on during a panic attack and would be there to help with a lot of other PTSD symptoms. I know that the subject of helper dogs and just dogs as furry therapy have been discussed in the ng many times now. They are very comforting help in many ways. I had a over sized Labrador for a long time and he was one of the very few things that I could give my trust too. I knew that now matter how crazy I thought I was or how nutty that I perceived others as seeing me. My dog would give me unconditional trust and companionship. He was there for me and always treated me as a friend no matter what. I lost my dog in a very terrible way and although I would like to get another dog. I am still hurting a little too badly over the loss to want to get another one right now. Perhaps the information that you wrote here will help to give me the incentive to start really considering getting another furry companion. Thanks again for the information wallpaper. Keep present focused! Frank

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