Question:
"Steve" wrote – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – "Steve" wrote First of all, well handled, Deidre. You did great and even if you thought your mind was in turmoil you still managed to ask all the right questions and come to the right conclusions. Secondly, when you’re feeling in a calmer frame of mind, how about sharing what this "grounding" technique is, how it works, what you’re supposed to do? It’s a new one on me and everything helps, right? Oh, and I’d definitely call the police and make them aware of what happened so they can keep an eye out. I’m sure you weren’t the only one this guy has "visited". If everyone reports him the police will have a picture of the area he’s working. And I’d also report it to whoever is responsible for security at your complex to see if they can figure out how he got in and whether something needs improving security-wise. Well done again and hope you’re feeling calmer. Love from Steve. It’s a very simple technique — so simple I was doubtful it could actually do me any good. When you feel the anxiety/fear rising, simply look around you and name everything you see, either out loud or silently. Just name everything: cup, toothpick, printer, jar, cat, …. on and on until you feel your breathing is calmer. I think it’s somewhat related to the idea of chanting — that’s just my observation. It brings you back into a feeling of being more in control of your feelings. My therapist told me this grounding technique was developed for people with PTSD, but it works for many forms of anxiety. I hope to have myself together enough to call the police today. I’m working on it. Thanks for the support, Steve. Love Deirdre Thanks, Deidre. It’s an interesting technique, similar to distraction, where you go do something to occupy your mind or think of something else other than your anxiety so that you’re not adding to the anxiety with anxious thoughts, what ifs and misinterpretations of your symptoms.
I was reading something the other night. It said, basically, that the distraction exercise is best used as a tool to clear the immediate distress. Then you’re able to use the other tools that work for you to change your thinking — CBT, meditation, whatever. Short term effect followed by longer term effect. I read your other post and empathise with your frustration. You definitely did the right thing. Just because the police didn’t isn’t your fault. Maybe next time you could finish the call with….. "Do you take donations for the Police Fund?" "Yes" "Well, have a good day collecting. Goodbye."
LMAO!! Then again, you might want a rapid response one day!!!! 
Good point. Dammit. <lol I think someone’s suggestion of a chain on your door is a good one, though.
What I want is a peephole and a remote-controlled taser. Have a calming day and just let the experience go. You’ve done just about all you could have. This guy probably won’t be back after dealing with Dynamic Deidre!!! 
I’m taking applications for Sidekick. Must be adept in at least one martial art. Looking good in tights, a plus. Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
I agree with Anne, Deirdre… I think it’s important to contact the police while this person is still fresh in your mind and you can identify him. They may even already have someone like that in their files… and be looking for him. You could save some other unsuspecting person(s) from harm! So glad you and your mom are okay! Take care! MikeH
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Deirdre, how frightening! I’ve had young men like that approach our house with the magazine-sales scam, etc. Please call the police NOW and report what happened and provide a good description of this guy. They may have a similar description on file and/or be able to keep a lookout. Do you have a chain on your apartment door? I always keep ours chained while talking to someone I don’t know at our front door. (((((Deirdre))))) Kudos on chasing the punk away. xxoo Anne
. — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
"Ron P" wrote You handled the situation better than I would have I’m sure. Way to go. ((((((Deirdre)))))) — Ron P
Sometimes I surprise myself <LOL. Thanks for the support (((((Ron))))) Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
"Steve" wrote – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – First of all, well handled, Deidre. You did great and even if you thought your mind was in turmoil you still managed to ask all the right questions and come to the right conclusions. Secondly, when you’re feeling in a calmer frame of mind, how about sharing what this "grounding" technique is, how it works, what you’re supposed to do? It’s a new one on me and everything helps, right? Oh, and I’d definitely call the police and make them aware of what happened so they can keep an eye out. I’m sure you weren’t the only one this guy has "visited". If everyone reports him the police will have a picture of the area he’s working. And I’d also report it to whoever is responsible for security at your complex to see if they can figure out how he got in and whether something needs improving security-wise. Well done again and hope you’re feeling calmer. Love from Steve.
It’s a very simple technique — so simple I was doubtful it could actually do me any good. When you feel the anxiety/fear rising, simply look around you and name everything you see, either out loud or silently. Just name everything: cup, toothpick, printer, jar, cat, …. on and on until you feel your breathing is calmer. I think it’s somewhat related to the idea of chanting — that’s just my observation. It brings you back into a feeling of being more in control of your feelings. My therapist told me this grounding technique was developed for people with PTSD, but it works for many forms of anxiety. I hope to have myself together enough to call the police today. I’m working on it. Thanks for the support, Steve. Love Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
"weeks" -wrote Hi, Deirdre, Wow, what a situation to have gone through but you did an excellent job. I would consider calling the police so they can be aware of the situation. Great job using your anxiety tools. smiles, Elise
Thanks, Elise – I feel pretty good about using the tools. Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
"Doug" wrote Good job Deirdre! Some quick thinking too.
Thanks, Doug! I appreciate the support! Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
"Elliott" wrote – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – links to the stone age chiseled out: Something happened a few minutes ago that made me angry and scared me, and very nearly floored me with an anxiety attack. As others have pointed out, you handled the situation very well. There’s little room for ’should have / would have’ – although I know what that’s like. I’ve been a victim of armed robbery, and "if I’d only had my gun" or "if I’d only…" No, it’s over and best put out of your mind other than the usual "be careful out there"… 1. I frantically began doing the grounding exercise that my therapist taught me — just looked around me and named things: chair, table, tv, books, etc. until I could breathe better. 2. I took several slow deep breaths in and slowly out. 3. I talked about it immediately with Mom. I’m not going to talk things over with your mom (thankyouverymuch), but the ‘grounding’ exercise is something that I suppose I do, but never had it taught. I’m adding it right now to my ’stay in the present’ concept (which HAS been taught). As an aside, I’ve named things around the house in the past. Our stove’s name is Dave. — Elliott
Thanks for the good advice about ’shoulds’, etc. It’s such an easy habit to fall into. I’m sure if you wanted to talk anything over with Mom, she would be happy to be available to you. You’ll have to make an appointment. Have Dave phone her Dustbuster, Martha, to set up a time. Be here now, baybee. Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
"Diane" wrote {{{{{Deirdre}}}}} I’m so sorry this guy scared you. Maybe you should call the police or the security guy and give them a description. You used good tools and I’ll have to remember them. I get that way too. My anxiety goes to the roof some times. And I always think about what I could’ve said or done. I think we all do that at times. Don’t punish yourself for not doing something else. Let us know if you see him around anymore. Love, Di
((((((Diane))))) That self-punishment thing has GOT to go. Maybe if I point to the gate and say GET OUT. NOW. Or some psychological equivalent. Thanks for your support. Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – "Steve" wrote First of all, well handled, Deidre. You did great and even if you thought your mind was in turmoil you still managed to ask all the right questions and come to the right conclusions. Secondly, when you’re feeling in a calmer frame of mind, how about sharing what this "grounding" technique is, how it works, what you’re supposed to do? It’s a new one on me and everything helps, right? Oh, and I’d definitely call the police and make them aware of what happened so they can keep an eye out. I’m sure you weren’t the only one this guy has "visited". If everyone reports him the police will have a picture of the area he’s working. And I’d also report it to whoever is responsible for security at your complex to see if they can figure out how he got in and whether something needs improving security-wise. Well done again and hope you’re feeling calmer. Love from Steve. It’s a very simple technique — so simple I was doubtful it could actually do me any good. When you feel the anxiety/fear rising, simply look around you and name everything you see, either out loud or silently. Just name everything: cup, toothpick, printer, jar, cat, …. on and on until you feel your breathing is calmer. I think it’s somewhat related to the idea of chanting — that’s just my observation. It brings you back into a feeling of being more in control of your feelings. My therapist told me this grounding technique was developed for people with PTSD, but it works for many forms of anxiety. I hope to have myself together enough to call the police today. I’m working on it. Thanks for the support, Steve. Love Deirdre
Thanks, Deidre. It’s an interesting technique, similar to distraction, where you go do something to occupy your mind or think of something else other than your anxiety so that you’re not adding to the anxiety with anxious thoughts, what ifs and misinterpretations of your symptoms. I read your other post and empathise with your frustration. You definitely did the right thing. Just because the police didn’t isn’t your fault. Maybe next time you could finish the call with….. "Do you take donations for the Police Fund?" "Yes" "Well, have a good day collecting. Goodbye." Then again, you might want a rapid response one day!!!! I think someone’s suggestion of a chain on your door is a good one, though. Have a calming day and just let the experience go. You’ve done just about all you could have. This guy probably won’t be back after dealing with Dynamic Deidre!!! Love from Steve. — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
First of all, well handled, Deidre. You did great and even if you thought your mind was in turmoil you still managed to ask all the right questions and come to the right conclusions. Secondly, when you’re feeling in a calmer frame of mind, how about sharing what this "grounding" technique is, how it works, what you’re supposed to do? It’s a new one on me and everything helps, right? Oh, and I’d definitely call the police and make them aware of what happened so they can keep an eye out. I’m sure you weren’t the only one this guy has "visited". If everyone reports him the police will have a picture of the area he’s working. And I’d also report it to whoever is responsible for security at your complex to see if they can figure out how he got in and whether something needs improving security-wise. Well done again and hope you’re feeling calmer. Love from Steve.
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, Something happened a few minutes ago that made me angry and scared me, and very nearly floored me with an anxiety attack. First, you need to know we live in an 8-unit condo building with security gates. Our doorbell rang, the one that means the person is at our door rather than outside the gate. It’s almost always either the mail carrier or a neighbor, so I answered the door without hesitation. There was this skinny kid, maybe 20 or so — wearing crappy clothes and expensive jewelry. Had the eyes of a speed freak. He said he was doing a career comparison and had been assigned to talk to 50 strangers about their careers. I told him we were both retired, and he said, "Well, that’s the best job on the block, huh." I said yes, and started to close the door, when he said, "Well it’s also a magazine subscription drive." He didn’t have anything with him, of course — no clipboard or notebook or sample case. I just shook my head and said, "We’re not buying anything. We don’t have any money." He turned around and started walking away. I realized someone must have left the gate open, so I said to Mom, "I’m going to close the gate." But when I looked, the gate was already closed. I called to him as he started to go up the stairs to another apartment, "How did you get in?" "The gate. My Dad owns this place." "No he doesn’t. These are individually owned apartments." He pointed to the building next to ours and said his Dad owns that one and this one. I repeated that he did not. Then I put on my best stern face and voice and pointed to the gate. "GET OUT. NOW." He ambled off without a word. As I went inside I heard tires squealing as a car pulled away too fast and zoomed down the street. We’d just been cased by a would-be burglar. Or worse. By the time I locked the doors behind me I was shaking from head to toe and I was breathing too fast. I sat down because I felt like I was going to fall. Here’s what helped: 1. I frantically began doing the grounding exercise that my therapist taught me — just looked around me and named things: chair, table, tv, books, etc. until I could breathe better. 2. I took several slow deep breaths in and slowly out. 3. I talked about it immediately with Mom. My pulse is still fast, and my fingers aren’t done trembling yet, but I managed to avert the worst of an attack. As it always is after things like this, I am recounting it all in my head. I started out doing it purposely so if there were burglaries I could give a description. But obsessing over it has already begun. I feel threatened. God I hate this feeling. If he’d merely been mistaken about his Dad’s ownership, he would have argued with me. Either he picked the lock on the gate or someone had left it open. Or maybe he climbed over. I don’t know. I wish I had played along. I wish I’d asked him his name just to see what kind of response I got. I wish I had had my wits about me so I could catch him in a lie. I am actually thinking now that he was shorter and skinny and I could have knocked him down and sat on him while Mom called 911 <LOL. Who am I kidding — I’d never have the nerve to do that. Anyway, I mostly wanted to share with the group that I was able to use three tools — grounding, breathing and talking it out — to stop the anxiety from escalating too high and to calm myself down. I really recommend that grounding technique — it works well for me. It might for you, as well. Thanks for reading. Deirdre "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." ~Buddha~ Every once in a while, I update my blog. Check it out, and if it’s been more than 2 weeks since I’ve written, please scold me. Thank you. http://home.earthlink.net/~deirdre1952/
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Hi everyone, Something happened a few minutes ago that made me angry and scared me, and very nearly floored me with an anxiety attack. First, you need to know we live in an 8-unit condo building with security gates. Our doorbell rang, the one that means the person is at our door rather than outside the gate. It’s almost always either the mail carrier or a neighbor, so I answered the door without hesitation. There was this skinny kid, maybe 20 or so — wearing crappy clothes and expensive jewelry. Had the eyes of a speed freak. He said he was doing a career comparison and had been assigned to talk to 50 strangers about their careers. I told him we were both retired, and he said, "Well, that’s the best job on the block, huh." I said yes, and started to close the door, when he said, "Well it’s also a magazine subscription drive." He didn’t have anything with him, of course — no clipboard or notebook or sample case. I just shook my head and said, "We’re not buying anything. We don’t have any money." He turned around and started walking away. I realized someone must have left the gate open, so I said to Mom, "I’m going to close the gate." But when I looked, the gate was already closed. I called to him as he started to go up the stairs to another apartment, "How did you get in?" "The gate. My Dad owns this place." "No he doesn’t. These are individually owned apartments." He pointed to the building next to ours and said his Dad owns that one and this one. I repeated that he did not. Then I put on my best stern face and voice and pointed to the gate. "GET OUT. NOW." He ambled off without a word. As I went inside I heard tires squealing as a car pulled away too fast and zoomed down the street. We’d just been cased by a would-be burglar. Or worse. By the time I locked the doors behind me I was shaking from head to toe and I was breathing too fast. I sat down because I felt like I was going to fall. Here’s what helped: 1. I frantically began doing the grounding exercise that my therapist taught me — just looked around me and named things: chair, table, tv, books, etc. until I could breathe better. 2. I took several slow deep breaths in and slowly out. 3. I talked about it immediately with Mom. My pulse is still fast, and my fingers aren’t done trembling yet, but I managed to avert the worst of an attack. As it always is after things like this, I am recounting it all in my head. I started out doing it purposely so if there were burglaries I could give a description. But obsessing over it has already begun. I feel threatened. God I hate this feeling. If he’d merely been mistaken about his Dad’s ownership, he would have argued with me. Either he picked the lock on the gate or someone had left it open. Or maybe he climbed over. I don’t know. I wish I had played along. I wish I’d asked him his name just to see what kind of response I got. I wish I had had my wits about me so I could catch him in a lie. I am actually thinking now that he was shorter and skinny and I could have knocked him down and sat on him while Mom called 911 <LOL. Who am I kidding — I’d never have the nerve to do that. Anyway, I mostly wanted to share with the group that I was able to use three tools — grounding, breathing and talking it out — to stop the anxiety from escalating too high and to calm myself down. I really recommend that grounding technique — it works well for me. It might for you, as well. Thanks for reading. Deirdre "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." ~Buddha~ Every once in a while, I update my blog. Check it out, and if it’s been more than 2 weeks since I’ve written, please scold me. Thank you. http://home.earthlink.net/~deirdre1952/ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
I think you handled it well, Deirdre. Chip
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, Something happened a few minutes ago that made me angry and scared me, and very nearly floored me with an anxiety attack. First, you need to know we live in an 8-unit condo building with security gates. Our doorbell rang, the one that means the person is at our door rather than outside the gate. It’s almost always either the mail carrier or a neighbor, so I answered the door without hesitation. There was this skinny kid, maybe 20 or so — wearing crappy clothes and expensive jewelry. Had the eyes of a speed freak. He said he was doing a career comparison and had been assigned to talk to 50 strangers about their careers. I told him we were both retired, and he said, "Well, that’s the best job on the block, huh." I said yes, and started to close the door, when he said, "Well it’s also a magazine subscription drive." He didn’t have anything with him, of course — no clipboard or notebook or sample case. I just shook my head and said, "We’re not buying anything. We don’t have any money." He turned around and started walking away. I realized someone must have left the gate open, so I said to Mom, "I’m going to close the gate." But when I looked, the gate was already closed. I called to him as he started to go up the stairs to another apartment, "How did you get in?" "The gate. My Dad owns this place." "No he doesn’t. These are individually owned apartments." He pointed to the building next to ours and said his Dad owns that one and this one. I repeated that he did not. Then I put on my best stern face and voice and pointed to the gate. "GET OUT. NOW." He ambled off without a word. As I went inside I heard tires squealing as a car pulled away too fast and zoomed down the street. We’d just been cased by a would-be burglar. Or worse. By the time I locked the doors behind me I was shaking from head to toe and I was breathing too fast. I sat down because I felt like I was going to fall. Here’s what helped: 1. I frantically began doing the grounding exercise that my therapist taught me — just looked around me and named things: chair, table, tv, books, etc. until I could breathe better. 2. I took several slow deep breaths in and slowly out. 3. I talked about it immediately with Mom. My pulse is still fast, and my fingers aren’t done trembling yet, but I managed to avert the worst of an attack. As it always is after things like this, I am recounting it all in my head. I started out doing it purposely so if there were burglaries I could give a description. But obsessing over it has already begun. I feel threatened. God I hate this feeling. If he’d merely been mistaken about his Dad’s ownership, he would have argued with me. Either he picked the lock on the gate or someone had left it open. Or maybe he climbed over. I don’t know. I wish I had played along. I wish I’d asked him his name just to see what kind of response I got. I wish I had had my wits about me so I could catch him in a lie. I am actually thinking now that he was shorter and skinny and I could have knocked him down and sat on him while Mom called 911 <LOL. Who am I kidding — I’d never have the nerve to do that. Anyway, I mostly wanted to share with the group that I was able to use three tools — grounding, breathing and talking it out — to stop the anxiety from escalating too high and to calm myself down. I really recommend that grounding technique — it works well for me. It might for you, as well. Thanks for reading. Deirdre "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." ~Buddha~ Every once in a while, I update my blog. Check it out, and if it’s been more than 2 weeks since I’ve written, please scold me. Thank you. http://home.earthlink.net/~deirdre1952/ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Deirdre, how frightening! I’ve had young men like that approach our house with the magazine-sales scam, etc. Please call the police NOW and report what happened and provide a good description of this guy. They may have a similar description on file and/or be able to keep a lookout. Do you have a chain on your apartment door? I always keep ours chained while talking to someone I don’t know at our front door. (((((Deirdre))))) Kudos on chasing the punk away. xxoo Anne — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, Something happened a few minutes ago that made me angry and scared me, and very nearly floored me with an anxiety attack. First, you need to know we live in an 8-unit condo building with security gates. Our doorbell rang, the one that means the person is at our door rather than outside the gate. It’s almost always either the mail carrier or a neighbor, so I answered the door without hesitation. There was this skinny kid, maybe 20 or so — wearing crappy clothes and expensive jewelry. Had the eyes of a speed freak. He said he was doing a career comparison and had been assigned to talk to 50 strangers about their careers. I told him we were both retired, and he said, "Well, that’s the best job on the block, huh." I said yes, and started to close the door, when he said, "Well it’s also a magazine subscription drive." He didn’t have anything with him, of course — no clipboard or notebook or sample case. I just shook my head and said, "We’re not buying anything. We don’t have any money." He turned around and started walking away. I realized someone must have left the gate open, so I said to Mom, "I’m going to close the gate." But when I looked, the gate was already closed. I called to him as he started to go up the stairs to another apartment, "How did you get in?" "The gate. My Dad owns this place." "No he doesn’t. These are individually owned apartments." He pointed to the building next to ours and said his Dad owns that one and this one. I repeated that he did not. Then I put on my best stern face and voice and pointed to the gate. "GET OUT. NOW." He ambled off without a word. As I went inside I heard tires squealing as a car pulled away too fast and zoomed down the street. We’d just been cased by a would-be burglar. Or worse. By the time I locked the doors behind me I was shaking from head to toe and I was breathing too fast. I sat down because I felt like I was going to fall. Here’s what helped: 1. I frantically began doing the grounding exercise that my therapist taught me — just looked around me and named things: chair, table, tv, books, etc. until I could breathe better. 2. I took several slow deep breaths in and slowly out. 3. I talked about it immediately with Mom. My pulse is still fast, and my fingers aren’t done trembling yet, but I managed to avert the worst of an attack. As it always is after things like this, I am recounting it all in my head. I started out doing it purposely so if there were burglaries I could give a description. But obsessing over it has already begun. I feel threatened. God I hate this feeling. If he’d merely been mistaken about his Dad’s ownership, he would have argued with me. Either he picked the lock on the gate or someone had left it open. Or maybe he climbed over. I don’t know. I wish I had played along. I wish I’d asked him his name just to see what kind of response I got. I wish I had had my wits about me so I could catch him in a lie. I am actually thinking now that he was shorter and skinny and I could have knocked him down and sat on him while Mom called 911 <LOL. Who am I kidding — I’d never have the nerve to do that. Anyway, I mostly wanted to share with the group that I was able to use three tools — grounding, breathing and talking it out — to stop the anxiety from escalating too high and to calm myself down. I really recommend that grounding technique — it works well for me. It might for you, as well. Thanks for reading. Deirdre "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." ~Buddha~ Every once in a while, I update my blog. Check it out, and if it’s been more than 2 weeks since I’ve written, please scold me. Thank you. http://home.earthlink.net/~deirdre1952/
((((((((((((((Deirdre)))))))))))))))) What a horrible, awful, scary experience!! If it gives you any comfort, I seriously doubt that guy will be back to your area…because you saw him. He knows he can be identified, and you called him on what he was doing. You ran him off. Burglurs don’t like situations like that.. And if you’re still feeling uneasy, call the police and tell them what happened. If you do, they may patrol your area for a few days to watch out for this guy. Up that Klonopin! After an experience like that, you are apt to have rebound panic attacks. I know I do, after something extremely stressful. You took care of yourself in a couple of ways. You not only ran off a bad guy, but you handled your anxiety as well. Be sure and give yourself credit for doing that, and don’t minimalize it, and don’t go into that "I should have" mode. Forget the "shoulds". They are not healthy, and besides, you can’t change the past. Just try not to worry (worry does NOTHING except make YOU feel bad..it accomplishes NOTHING) and be glad the situation didn’t become something that you couldn’t handle. You DID handle it, and I think you handled it a lot better than I would have. WTG kiddo. You did GOOD. Love, Sally — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Hi Deirdre, You are a very smart, brave woman. This was a potentially dangerous situation and yet you kept your head. Bravo for you. The exercises you mentioned seem to work beautifully for you too. You should also congratulate yourself. Love Cathy
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, Something happened a few minutes ago that made me angry and scared me, and very nearly floored me with an anxiety attack. First, you need to know we live in an 8-unit condo building with security gates. Our doorbell rang, the one that means the person is at our door rather than outside the gate. It’s almost always either the mail carrier or a neighbor, so I answered the door without hesitation. There was this skinny kid, maybe 20 or so — wearing crappy clothes and expensive jewelry. Had the eyes of a speed freak. He said he was doing a career comparison and had been assigned to talk to 50 strangers about their careers. I told him we were both retired, and he said, "Well, that’s the best job on the block, huh." I said yes, and started to close the door, when he said, "Well it’s also a magazine subscription drive." He didn’t have anything with him, of course — no clipboard or notebook or sample case. I just shook my head and said, "We’re not buying anything. We don’t have any money." He turned around and started walking away. I realized someone must have left the gate open, so I said to Mom, "I’m going to close the gate." But when I looked, the gate was already closed. I called to him as he started to go up the stairs to another apartment, "How did you get in?" "The gate. My Dad owns this place." "No he doesn’t. These are individually owned apartments." He pointed to the building next to ours and said his Dad owns that one and this one. I repeated that he did not. Then I put on my best stern face and voice and pointed to the gate. "GET OUT. NOW." He ambled off without a word. As I went inside I heard tires squealing as a car pulled away too fast and zoomed down the street. We’d just been cased by a would-be burglar. Or worse. By the time I locked the doors behind me I was shaking from head to toe and I was breathing too fast. I sat down because I felt like I was going to fall. Here’s what helped: 1. I frantically began doing the grounding exercise that my therapist taught me — just looked around me and named things: chair, table, tv, books, etc. until I could breathe better. 2. I took several slow deep breaths in and slowly out. 3. I talked about it immediately with Mom. My pulse is still fast, and my fingers aren’t done trembling yet, but I managed to avert the worst of an attack. As it always is after things like this, I am recounting it all in my head. I started out doing it purposely so if there were burglaries I could give a description. But obsessing over it has already begun. I feel threatened. God I hate this feeling. If he’d merely been mistaken about his Dad’s ownership, he would have argued with me. Either he picked the lock on the gate or someone had left it open. Or maybe he climbed over. I don’t know. I wish I had played along. I wish I’d asked him his name just to see what kind of response I got. I wish I had had my wits about me so I could catch him in a lie. I am actually thinking now that he was shorter and skinny and I could have knocked him down and sat on him while Mom called 911 <LOL. Who am I kidding — I’d never have the nerve to do that. Anyway, I mostly wanted to share with the group that I was able to use three tools — grounding, breathing and talking it out — to stop the anxiety from escalating too high and to calm myself down. I really recommend that grounding technique — it works well for me. It might for you, as well. Thanks for reading. Deirdre "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." ~Buddha~ Every once in a while, I update my blog. Check it out, and if it’s been more than 2 weeks since I’ve written, please scold me. Thank you. http://home.earthlink.net/~deirdre1952/ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Hi, Deirdre, Wow, what a situation to have gone through but you did an excellent job. I would consider calling the police so they can be aware of the situation. Great job using your anxiety tools. smiles, Elise
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, Something happened a few minutes ago that made me angry and scared me, and very nearly floored me with an anxiety attack. First, you need to know we live in an 8-unit condo building with security gates. Our doorbell rang, the one that means the person is at our door rather than outside the gate. It’s almost always either the mail carrier or a neighbor, so I answered the door without hesitation. There was this skinny kid, maybe 20 or so — wearing crappy clothes and expensive jewelry. Had the eyes of a speed freak. He said he was doing a career comparison and had been assigned to talk to 50 strangers about their careers. I told him we were both retired, and he said, "Well, that’s the best job on the block, huh." I said yes, and started to close the door, when he said, "Well it’s also a magazine subscription drive." He didn’t have anything with him, of course — no clipboard or notebook or sample case. I just shook my head and said, "We’re not buying anything. We don’t have any money." He turned around and started walking away. I realized someone must have left the gate open, so I said to Mom, "I’m going to close the gate." But when I looked, the gate was already closed. I called to him as he started to go up the stairs to another apartment, "How did you get in?" "The gate. My Dad owns this place." "No he doesn’t. These are individually owned apartments." He pointed to the building next to ours and said his Dad owns that one and this one. I repeated that he did not. Then I put on my best stern face and voice and pointed to the gate. "GET OUT. NOW." He ambled off without a word. As I went inside I heard tires squealing as a car pulled away too fast and zoomed down the street. We’d just been cased by a would-be burglar. Or worse. By the time I locked the doors behind me I was shaking from head to toe and I was breathing too fast. I sat down because I felt like I was going to fall. Here’s what helped: 1. I frantically began doing the grounding exercise that my therapist taught me — just looked around me and named things: chair, table, tv, books, etc. until I could breathe better. 2. I took several slow deep breaths in and slowly out. 3. I talked about it immediately with Mom. My pulse is still fast, and my fingers aren’t done trembling yet, but I managed to avert the worst of an attack. As it always is after things like this, I am recounting it all in my head. I started out doing it purposely so if there were burglaries I could give a description. But obsessing over it has already begun. I feel threatened. God I hate this feeling. If he’d merely been mistaken about his Dad’s ownership, he would have argued with me. Either he picked the lock on the gate or someone had left it open. Or maybe he climbed over. I don’t know. I wish I had played along. I wish I’d asked him his name just to see what kind of response I got. I wish I had had my wits about me so I could catch him in a lie. I am actually thinking now that he was shorter and skinny and I could have knocked him down and sat on him while Mom called 911 <LOL. Who am I kidding — I’d never have the nerve to do that. Anyway, I mostly wanted to share with the group that I was able to use three tools — grounding, breathing and talking it out — to stop the anxiety from escalating too high and to calm myself down. I really recommend that grounding technique — it works well for me. It might for you, as well. Thanks for reading. Deirdre "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." ~Buddha~ Every once in a while, I update my blog. Check it out, and if it’s been more than 2 weeks since I’ve written, please scold me. Thank you. http://home.earthlink.net/~deirdre1952/ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
"A" wrote – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Deirdre, how frightening! I’ve had young men like that approach our house with the magazine-sales scam, etc. Please call the police NOW and report what happened and provide a good description of this guy. They may have a similar description on file and/or be able to keep a lookout. Do you have a chain on your apartment door? I always keep ours chained while talking to someone I don’t know at our front door. (((((Deirdre))))) Kudos on chasing the punk away. xxoo Anne
Thanks, Anne. Our ’screen’ door is more like solid metal with small air holes (not sure how to describe it), and it’s got a deadbolt that we keep locked, so talking through that is comparatively safe. I want to call the police about him. What sucks is I get terribly anxious around police. I will have to go through the whole process of challenging thoughts, etc., before I call them. Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – What a horrible, awful, scary experience!! If it gives you any comfort, I seriously doubt that guy will be back to your area…because you saw him. He knows he can be identified, and you called him on what he was doing. You ran him off. Burglurs don’t like situations like that.. And if you’re still feeling uneasy, call the police and tell them what happened. If you do, they may patrol your area for a few days to watch out for this guy. Up that Klonopin! After an experience like that, you are apt to have rebound panic attacks. I know I do, after something extremely stressful. You took care of yourself in a couple of ways. You not only ran off a bad guy, but you handled your anxiety as well. Be sure and give yourself credit for doing that, and don’t minimalize it, and don’t go into that "I should have" mode. Forget the "shoulds". They are not healthy, and besides, you can’t change the past. Just try not to worry (worry does NOTHING except make YOU feel bad..it accomplishes NOTHING) and be glad the situation didn’t become something that you couldn’t handle. You DID handle it, and I think you handled it a lot better than I would have. WTG kiddo. You did GOOD. Love, Sally
He knows I got a very good look at him, I heard him speak so I know the sound. I’m trying to get up the courage to call the police. I suppose it would have been better to call them last night. I hope they will take the info over the phone, rather than sending a uniformed officer here. It would be easier on my nerves (oh Deirdre, what a wimp <LOL) Thanks for the support, Sally! Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
"Chip" wrote I think you handled it well, Deirdre. Chip
Thanks, Chip :-) I surprised myself <lol Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Hi Deirdre, You are a very smart, brave woman. This was a potentially dangerous situation and yet you kept your head. Bravo for you. The exercises you mentioned seem to work beautifully for you too. You should also congratulate yourself. Love Cathy
Thank you, Cathy! When I feel that anxiety, my monkey mind calls me a scaredy-cat. Thank you for reminding me I can be brave. Love, Deirdre — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
{{{{{Deirdre}}}}} I’m so sorry this guy scared you. Maybe you should call the police or the security guy and give them a description. You used good tools and I’ll have to remember them. I get that way too. My anxiety goes to the roof some times. And I always think about what I could’ve said or done. I think we all do that at times. Don’t punish yourself for not doing something else. Let us know if you see him around anymore. Love, Di
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, Something happened a few minutes ago that made me angry and scared me, and very nearly floored me with an anxiety attack. First, you need to know we live in an 8-unit condo building with security gates. Our doorbell rang, the one that means the person is at our door rather than outside the gate. It’s almost always either the mail carrier or a neighbor, so I answered the door without hesitation. There was this skinny kid, maybe 20 or so — wearing crappy clothes and expensive jewelry. Had the eyes of a speed freak. He said he was doing a career comparison and had been assigned to talk to 50 strangers about their careers. I told him we were both retired, and he said, "Well, that’s the best job on the block, huh." I said yes, and started to close the door, when he said, "Well it’s also a magazine subscription drive." He didn’t have anything with him, of course — no clipboard or notebook or sample case. I just shook my head and said, "We’re not buying anything. We don’t have any money." He turned around and started walking away. I realized someone must have left the gate open, so I said to Mom, "I’m going to close the gate." But when I looked, the gate was already closed. I called to him as he started to go up the stairs to another apartment, "How did you get in?" "The gate. My Dad owns this place." "No he doesn’t. These are individually owned apartments." He pointed to the building next to ours and said his Dad owns that one and this one. I repeated that he did not. Then I put on my best stern face and voice and pointed to the gate. "GET OUT. NOW." He ambled off without a word. As I went inside I heard tires squealing as a car pulled away too fast and zoomed down the street. We’d just been cased by a would-be burglar. Or worse. By the time I locked the doors behind me I was shaking from head to toe and I was breathing too fast. I sat down because I felt like I was going to fall. Here’s what helped: 1. I frantically began doing the grounding exercise that my therapist taught me — just looked around me and named things: chair, table, tv, books, etc. until I could breathe better. 2. I took several slow deep breaths in and slowly out. 3. I talked about it immediately with Mom. My pulse is still fast, and my fingers aren’t done trembling yet, but I managed to avert the worst of an attack. As it always is after things like this, I am recounting it all in my head. I started out doing it purposely so if there were burglaries I could give a description. But obsessing over it has already begun. I feel threatened. God I hate this feeling. If he’d merely been mistaken about his Dad’s ownership, he would have argued with me. Either he picked the lock on the gate or someone had left it open. Or maybe he climbed over. I don’t know. I wish I had played along. I wish I’d asked him his name just to see what kind of response I got. I wish I had had my wits about me so I could catch him in a lie. I am actually thinking now that he was shorter and skinny and I could have knocked him down and sat on him while Mom called 911 <LOL. Who am I kidding — I’d never have the nerve to do that. Anyway, I mostly wanted to share with the group that I was able to use three tools — grounding, breathing and talking it out — to stop the anxiety from escalating too high and to calm myself down. I really recommend that grounding technique — it works well for me. It might for you, as well. Thanks for reading. Deirdre
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
Good job Deirdre! Some quick thinking too. — there is no .sig
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, Something happened a few minutes ago that made me angry and scared me, and very nearly floored me with an anxiety attack. First, you need to know we live in an 8-unit condo building with security gates. Our doorbell rang, the one that means the person is at our door rather than outside the gate. It’s almost always either the mail carrier or a neighbor, so I answered the door without hesitation. There was this skinny kid, maybe 20 or so — wearing crappy clothes and expensive jewelry. Had the eyes of a speed freak. He said he was doing a career comparison and had been assigned to talk to 50 strangers about their careers. I told him we were both retired, and he said, "Well, that’s the best job on the block, huh." I said yes, and started to close the door, when he said, "Well it’s also a magazine subscription drive." He didn’t have anything with him, of course — no clipboard or notebook or sample case. I just shook my head and said, "We’re not buying anything. We don’t have any money." He turned around and started walking away. I realized someone must have left the gate open, so I said to Mom, "I’m going to close the gate." But when I looked, the gate was already closed. I called to him as he started to go up the stairs to another apartment, "How did you get in?" "The gate. My Dad owns this place." "No he doesn’t. These are individually owned apartments." He pointed to the building next to ours and said his Dad owns that one and this one. I repeated that he did not. Then I put on my best stern face and voice and pointed to the gate. "GET OUT. NOW." He ambled off without a word. As I went inside I heard tires squealing as a car pulled away too fast and zoomed down the street. We’d just been cased by a would-be burglar. Or worse. By the time I locked the doors behind me I was shaking from head to toe and I was breathing too fast. I sat down because I felt like I was going to fall. Here’s what helped: 1. I frantically began doing the grounding exercise that my therapist taught me — just looked around me and named things: chair, table, tv, books, etc. until I could breathe better. 2. I took several slow deep breaths in and slowly out. 3. I talked about it immediately with Mom. My pulse is still fast, and my fingers aren’t done trembling yet, but I managed to avert the worst of an attack. As it always is after things like this, I am recounting it all in my head. I started out doing it purposely so if there were burglaries I could give a description. But obsessing over it has already begun. I feel threatened. God I hate this feeling. If he’d merely been mistaken about his Dad’s ownership, he would have argued with me. Either he picked the lock on the gate or someone had left it open. Or maybe he climbed over. I don’t know. I wish I had played along. I wish I’d asked him his name just to see what kind of response I got. I wish I had had my wits about me so I could catch him in a lie. I am actually thinking now that he was shorter and skinny and I could have knocked him down and sat on him while Mom called 911 <LOL. Who am I kidding — I’d never have the nerve to do that. Anyway, I mostly wanted to share with the group that I was able to use three tools — grounding, breathing and talking it out — to stop the anxiety from escalating too high and to calm myself down. I really recommend that grounding technique — it works well for me. It might for you, as well. Thanks for reading. Deirdre "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." ~Buddha~ Every once in a while, I update my blog. Check it out, and if it’s been more than 2 weeks since I’ve written, please scold me. Thank you. http://home.earthlink.net/~deirdre1952/ — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
– The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi everyone, Something happened a few minutes ago that made me angry and scared me, and very nearly floored me with an anxiety attack. First, you need to know we live in an 8-unit condo building with security gates. Our doorbell rang, the one that means the person is at our door rather than outside the gate. It’s almost always either the mail carrier or a neighbor, so I answered the door without hesitation. There was this skinny kid, maybe 20 or so — wearing crappy clothes and expensive jewelry. Had the eyes of a speed freak. He said he was doing a career comparison and had been assigned to talk to 50 strangers about their careers. I told him we were both retired, and he said, "Well, that’s the best job on the block, huh." I said yes, and started to close the door, when he said, "Well it’s also a magazine subscription drive." He didn’t have anything with him, of course — no clipboard or notebook or sample case. I just shook my head and said, "We’re not buying anything. We don’t have any money." He turned around and started walking away. I realized someone must have left the gate open, so I said to Mom, "I’m going to close the gate." But when I looked, the gate was already closed. I called to him as he started to go up the stairs to another apartment, "How did you get in?" "The gate. My Dad owns this place." "No he doesn’t. These are individually owned apartments." He pointed to the building next to ours and said his Dad owns that one and this one. I repeated that he did not. Then I put on my best stern face and voice and pointed to the gate. "GET OUT. NOW." He ambled off without a word. As I went inside I heard tires squealing as a car pulled away too fast and zoomed down the street. We’d just been cased by a would-be burglar. Or worse. By the time I locked the doors behind me I was shaking from head to toe and I was breathing too fast. I sat down because I felt like I was going to fall. Here’s what helped: 1. I frantically began doing the grounding exercise that my therapist taught me — just looked around me and named things: chair, table, tv, books, etc. until I could breathe better. 2. I took several slow deep breaths in and slowly out. 3. I talked about it immediately with Mom. My pulse is still fast, and my fingers aren’t done trembling yet, but I managed to avert the worst of an attack. As it always is after things like this, I am recounting it all in my head. I started out doing it purposely so if there were burglaries I could give a description. But obsessing over it has already begun. I feel threatened. God I hate this feeling. If he’d merely been mistaken about his Dad’s ownership, he would have argued with me. Either he picked the lock on the gate or someone had left it open. Or maybe he climbed over. I don’t know. I wish I had played along. I wish I’d asked him his name just to see what kind of response I got. I wish I had had my wits about me so I could catch him in a lie. I am actually thinking now that he was shorter and skinny and I could have knocked him down and sat on him while Mom called 911 <LOL. Who am I kidding — I’d never have the nerve to do that. Anyway, I mostly wanted to share with the group that I was able to use three tools — grounding, breathing and talking it out — to stop the anxiety from escalating too high and to calm myself down. I really recommend that grounding technique — it works well for me. It might for you, as well. Thanks for reading. Deirdre
You handled the situation better than I would have I’m sure. Way to go. ((((((Deirdre)))))) — Ron P Just remember….if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off. — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm
Response:
xxoo Anne — The charter is available at: http://readystump.algebra.com/~asapm 
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