Question:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – : : You sound like your severely depressed. The reason cutting (self mutilation ) : helped is that it raised your adrenaline level thus raising your serotoin level : which is the hormone that regulates our happiness or lack off. It can become an : addiction. Also in doing so you felt you had some control over your mood by : increasing your serotoin level. Are we really sure of the mechanism? I remember hearing of some mechanism involving endorphin release after cutting; the body fighting physical pain and inadvertantly fighting emotional pain in the process. Best Wishes, Arthur
Psychobiologists have linked self-mutilation to either a serotonergic dysfunction or dysregulation of the opiate centers of the CNS. The majority of these cases are diagnosed as having personality disorders and are more neurotic, hostile and introverted. Alcohol abuse and other substance abuse disorders also contribute to a majority of these patients. Psychotic disorders, mentally retarded individuals, sexual masochism, and obsessive-compulsive disorder all can be distinguished from impulsive-control disorder NOS (not otherwise specified) due to the nature of their characteristics.
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sorry mike to hear you still feel so badly . i thought you were on the right road to recovery. i dont quite understand this thing that you have for cutting. i guess it gives you some sense on control. i do hope you can get a better handle on your life. you have so much to live for and enjoy . remember you have an illness . that is not your fault. you are only responsible for getting help with this illness and unfortunatly this illness is so strange , that it is hard to do that . i can only tell you i had suicidal depression last summer and i feel fine now. why dont you call suicide prevention when you get bad, they helped me so much. you have a lot of stress in your life, i wish the meds would block the body symtoms so you could get a more realistic perspective on your life. anne try to look for the miracles !!!!
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You sound like your severely depressed. The reason cutting (self mutilation ) helped is that it raised your adrenaline level thus raising your serotoin level which is the hormone that regulates our happiness or lack off. It can become an addiction. Also in doing so you felt you had some control over your mood by increasing your serotoin level. I’d advise you to se a DR immediately and describe the situation. Hopefully a good antidepressant can bring you out of this. At our site we here from many cutters, if left untreated it only escalates. Tim;) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I took today off because I was exhausted. When I got up at 2 my wife asked me about reducing our retirement fund contributions and life insurance. One of my biggest goals in life is early retirement (55 or so). Looks like that might be going down the drain too. I ran out to my offfice and cut, but it didn’t even hurt, but it did relieleve the craziness a little. Now I have to drive out to my mom’s with my 5 yr. old son tonight and manage my pill popping so that I won’t fall asleep and won’t do anything crazy either. I can just see the road to no family, no money, no job, and I’m on it. I think about death and suicide every day – but at this point I could not do it myself as the impact on the kids would be permanent and bad. I am really considering the hospital though, but it sounds awful with no control over ones self. I guess that’s the point though. Some days are just fine, some are hell warmed over. And why won’t I take vitamins or eat? -Mike (maybe this should be in asd, but I’m a GAD/PAD something-or-other sufferer so I hang around here instead)
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: : You sound like your severely depressed. The reason cutting (self mutilation ) : helped is that it raised your adrenaline level thus raising your serotoin level : which is the hormone that regulates our happiness or lack off. It can become an : addiction. Also in doing so you felt you had some control over your mood by : increasing your serotoin level. Are we really sure of the mechanism? I remember hearing of some mechanism involving endorphin release after cutting; the body fighting physical pain and inadvertantly fighting emotional pain in the process. Best Wishes, Arthur
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Are we really sure of the mechanism? I remember hearing of some mechanism involving endorphin release after cutting; the body fighting physical pain and inadvertantly fighting emotional pain in the process.
I don’t think anyone really knows why cutting relieves intense emotions for some people. I’ve never heard of people with most anxiety disorders cutting, although it is common in borderline personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, and dissociative identity disorder. Anyone have any experiences? -elizabeth
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Good point Authur, I only looked at it from the long term point of view since most of the cutters I talk with it is a long term thing. I also heard that’s why people like super hot peppers because it causes endorphin release. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – : : You sound like your severely depressed. The reason cutting (self mutilation ) : helped is that it raised your adrenaline level thus raising your serotoin level : which is the hormone that regulates our happiness or lack off. It can become an : addiction. Also in doing so you felt you had some control over your mood by : increasing your serotoin level. Are we really sure of the mechanism? I remember hearing of some mechanism involving endorphin release after cutting; the body fighting physical pain and inadvertantly fighting emotional pain in the process. Best Wishes, Arthur
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As a group I’ve noticed that MPD’s are the most frequent cutters. Tim;) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Are we really sure of the mechanism? I remember hearing of some mechanism involving endorphin release after cutting; the body fighting physical pain and inadvertantly fighting emotional pain in the process. I don’t think anyone really knows why cutting relieves intense emotions for some people. I’ve never heard of people with most anxiety disorders cutting, although it is common in borderline personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, and dissociative identity disorder. Anyone have any experiences? -elizabeth
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Good point Authur, I only looked at it from the long term point of view since most of the cutters I talk with it is a long term thing. I also heard that’s why people like super hot peppers because it causes endorphin release. and I thought people like hot peppers to open clogged sinus’!?!?! Pam–
I thought that what horseradish was for. Tim;)
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I don’t think anyone really knows why cutting relieves intense emotions for some people. I’ve never heard of people with most anxiety disorders cutting, although it is common in borderline personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, and dissociative identity disorder. Anyone have any experiences? -elizabeth
I used to do quite a bit of cutting as a teenager. I have been diagnosed BPD and PTSD with mild Dissociative disorder. Most of the teenagers I have known, who cut, were sexually abused. My PTSD with mild dissociative disorder was from prolonged violent sexual abuse. I no longer fit the criteria for BPD. I grew out of it. 
I barely fit PTSD etc. Now, it’s just the PAD that is my challenge. I cut myself, with glass shards. I felt good, when I heard the glass shatter. When I was cutting, nothing else existed. There was no thought of "bad things" no uncomfortable thoughts, just the task at hand. It usually hurt (some) at the beginning. but after a few minutes, there was no pain. I’m sure endorphins had something to do with the relief. Today, I have healthier ways to get my endorphin "rushes". — Kiesha Van Dyke To e-mail, remove ** from address.
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I don’t think anyone really knows why cutting relieves intense emotions for some people. I’ve never heard of people with most anxiety disorders cutting, although it is common in borderline personality disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, and dissociative identity disorder. Anyone have any experiences? -elizabeth </PRE</HTML
Elizabeth, I have 2 freinds diagnosed bi-polar disorder and they both cut, I know of several depressed people who cut, but i agree with you about why …who knows?
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Good point Authur, I only looked at it from the long term point of view since most of the cutters I talk with it is a long term thing. I also heard that’s why people like super hot peppers because it causes endorphin release.
and I thought people like hot peppers to open clogged sinus’!?!?! Pam–
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I thought that’s what pregnant women craved! Jalapeno’s and ice cream! I think it made the, well, the milk flow and the baby pop out, easier! Mel – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Good point Authur, I only looked at it from the long term point of view since most of the cutters I talk with it is a long term thing. I also heard that’s why people like super hot peppers because it causes endorphin release. and I thought people like hot peppers to open clogged sinus’!?!?! Pam– I thought that what horseradish was for. Tim;) </PRE</HTML
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I took today off because I was exhausted. When I got up at 2 my wife asked me about reducing our retirement fund contributions and life insurance. One of my biggest goals in life is early retirement (55 or so). Looks like that might be going down the drain too.
Mike, i know how hard it is to look at the situation for what it is….but your wife just asked about ’reducing" the retirment fund not cutting it out entirely….This is NOT the end of your dreams anad goals ….Maybe try telling yourself that this is a part of the GAD/PAD illness and try not to blow it out of proportion. This happens to me too alot but it helps me to take my meds and give myself time to stand back and look at the situation. I can just see the road to no family, no money, no job, and I’m on it. I think about death and suicide every day – but at this point I could not do it myself as the impact on the kids would be permanent and bad. I am really considering the hospital though, but it sounds awful with no control over ones self.
I think it’s a good thing to think about the impact on the kids! Sometimes that’s the only thing that keeps me afloat, knowing what harm it would do to my daughter. Sometimes the hospital is not a bad idea, I went once, and it gave me time to put things perspective. Hang in there Mike and before things get worse, call your dr.Tell him/her how you are feeling! Pam
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RF, I Printed your post. I have had days like this also. I think from now on I will pull this out and read it…Thank you Kelly
Snipped the awesome post 
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I can just see the road to no family, no money, no job, and I’m on it. I think
Mike Next week will br my birthday, I will be 63 and most of my panic anxieties and fear are under control. I had a career, I worked 30 plus years as a manager. Only a handful of people ever knew I was so sick. I was Mr Kool. I felt like you many days and nights but I made it. I could have retired at 55 but when the time came I chose to work until 60. I am three years into retirement and enjoying my four grandchildren very much. Get the help you need because their is a future for you and a good one at that. marty phobictraveler.com
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Mike Dedek schreef: I took today off because I was exhausted. When I got up at 2 my wife asked me about reducing our retirement fund contributions and life insurance. One of my biggest goals in life is early retirement (55 or so). Looks like that might be going down the drain too.
It sounds bad, Mike, but (not much versed in these matters) I wonder why this had to be done. (Comforting thought for you: neither I nor my wife have any retirement money waiting for us so we’ll keep on working until we’re 65 if we live to see that age). I ran out to my offfice and cut, but it didn’t even hurt, but it did relieleve the craziness a little. Now I have to drive out to my mom’s with my 5 yr. old son tonight and manage my pill popping so that I won’t fall asleep and won’t do anything crazy either.
Anticipatory anxiet, ain’t it a bitch?! I can just see the road to no family, no money, no job, and I’m on it.
But you do have a family and a job, right? I think about death and suicide every day – but at this point I could not do it myself as the impact on the kids would be permanent and bad.
I guess most of us have considered this at one point or another but backed down for much the same reasons which are *sound* reasons. Also, I would be much too scared…;) I am really considering the hospital though, but it sounds awful with no control over ones self. I guess that’s the point though.
Indeed. It has been offerd by me at one time by more than one pdoc and I refused. It’s my worst nightmare. OTOH the idea had something comforting: you’re being cared for etc., like you have no responsibilities. I understand that see through your own mind mechanisms just as I did. Times will get beter. They *always* will get better. Some days are just fine, some are hell warmed over. And why won’t I take vitamins or eat? -Mike (maybe this should be in asd, but I’m a GAD/PAD something-or-other sufferer so I hang around here instead)
And a valued poster you are too, Mike. Please stay. Things *will* get better. Four months ago I couldn’t have dreamt of what I can do now or how I would feel now. Boy, am I glad I’m still here! Take care! Philip
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R F schreef: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <snip I ran out to my office and cut, but it didn’t even hurt, but it did relieleve the craziness a little. Now I have to drive out to my mom’s with my 5 yr. old son tonight and manage my pill popping so that I won’t fall asleep and won’t do anything crazy either. I can just see the road to no family, no money, no job, and I’m on it. I think about death and suicide every day – but at this point I could not do it myself as the impact on the kids would be permanent and bad. I am really considering the hospital though, Dear Mike: Please don’t do anything drastic. Tomorrow things might look different. I have been where you are many times. I too have a small child. Let me repeat for you what happen one time when I felt like you. I already told this story, but I’ll repeat it because it completely change the way I saw life. I had a bad day, similar to yours. I saw no solution, no way out, no future, I was tired of living, it take too much effort to live, and was too weak. So I decided to end it all. I had a plan and an hour. I decided to do it that very night, while everyone was asleep. I waited and waited, but for whatever reason, my child kept waking up and crying, so I had to go to his bed, cuddle him, and wait ’till he fell back to sleep. This continued for a while until…the sun came out. With the sun, came a new perspective. I was relieved and even amazed that I was ‘alive’! I felt as if I was held hostage all night by a crazy killer who was waiting for everyone to go to sleep just to kill me. But when the sun came up, *he* desapear. I was free. The sun seemed brighter, the chirping of the birds louder, I noticed how green the trees had gotten…..then…..my kid came and said "Good morming Mom" and gave me a hug. That same day we went to a park, my kid loves the park! So while I saw my kid playing in the swings and laughing, tears ran down my cheek while I thought… "Today, this beautiful child, instead of being here laughing, would be at the funeral home…..crying, wondering why his Mom left him. How selfish of me!! So I seek help. And promised myself to always remember that day, for when the desire to die comes again. Please, Mike, call your doctor, your psychiatrist, if you have one, if not, GET ONE NOW!!! Please. Life might seem black now, but things change!! your 5yo needs you!! Please get help!!
I found this a kost moving and very recognizable post. You worded this very well and I’m sure most of us here can draw some inspiration from you. Thanks for sharing! Philip
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<snip I ran out to my office and cut, but it didn’t even hurt, but it did relieleve the craziness a little. Now I have to drive out to my mom’s with my 5 yr. old son tonight and manage my pill popping so that I won’t fall asleep and won’t do anything crazy either. I can just see the road to no family, no money, no job, and I’m on it. I think about death and suicide every day – but at this point I could not do it myself as the impact on the kids would be permanent and bad. I am really considering the hospital though,
Dear Mike: Please don’t do anything drastic. Tomorrow things might look different. I have been where you are many times. I too have a small child. Let me repeat for you what happen one time when I felt like you. I already told this story, but I’ll repeat it because it completely change the way I saw life. I had a bad day, similar to yours. I saw no solution, no way out, no future, I was tired of living, it take too much effort to live, and was too weak. So I decided to end it all. I had a plan and an hour. I decided to do it that very night, while everyone was asleep. I waited and waited, but for whatever reason, my child kept waking up and crying, so I had to go to his bed, cuddle him, and wait ’till he fell back to sleep. This continued for a while until…the sun came out. With the sun, came a new perspective. I was relieved and even amazed that I was ‘alive’! I felt as if I was held hostage all night by a crazy killer who was waiting for everyone to go to sleep just to kill me. But when the sun came up, *he* desapear. I was free. The sun seemed brighter, the chirping of the birds louder, I noticed how green the trees had gotten…..then…..my kid came and said "Good morming Mom" and gave me a hug. That same day we went to a park, my kid loves the park! So while I saw my kid playing in the swings and laughing, tears ran down my cheek while I thought… "Today, this beautiful child, instead of being here laughing, would be at the funeral home…..crying, wondering why his Mom left him. How selfish of me!! So I seek help. And promised myself to always remember that day, for when the desire to die comes again. Please, Mike, call your doctor, your psychiatrist, if you have one, if not, GET ONE NOW!!! Please. Life might seem black now, but things change!! your 5yo needs you!! Please get help!!
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Hi, Mike, it’s a new day. I hope that you’re still with us, and that this day will be brighter! Mel
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I took today off because I was exhausted. When I got up at 2 my wife asked me about reducing our retirement fund contributions and life insurance. <snipped for space
Hi Mike, All I can tell you is that life circumstances can change immensely over time and what you are feeling now, at some time will end up looking like bad dream to you. I come from a background where I was an only child of older parents with an alcoholic father and a mother who was in denial. My neighbor and his three sons molested me from the time I was 11 until I was 15. I then went into a relationship at 19 that was very abusive. Spent time in women’s shelters after being battered. Then I married a man who was a alcoholic, abusive mentally and physically. When we divorced, he got custody of my daughter because of my history of PD. I have a 15 year old I haven’t seen in 3 years. She has been adopted by her step-mother. They filed the papers a week after the birth of my second daughter; timing IS everything. BUT, now my life is settled. Yeah, my ex still shows up once in awhile. I got a real nasty letter for mother’s day. <sigh But, I am treating my PD, I workout at a gym, I have a wonderful supportive husband and a beautiful smart 4 1/2 year old. I just ran a marathon; something I NEVER would have dreamed of doing even a few months ago. So, what I’m saying is NEVER give up. You never know what the Universe has in store for you. Learn from the lessons that are offered through the "hard times" and use them to build on. We have ALL had those "long dark nights of the soul". Tenacity and courage wins the battle. You CAN make it, and even do well! Wishing you Peace and Vision, Jen
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: : I can just see the road to no family, no money, no job, and I’m on it. I think : about death and suicide every day – but at this point I could not do it myself : as the impact on the kids would be permanent and bad. I am really considering : the hospital though, but it sounds awful with no control over ones self. I : guess that’s the point though. Hi Mike, I’ve lost plenty of dreams when my panic disorder hit. Like you, I even seriously considered suicide for a while. But then, slowly, I began to discover new dreams which were within my disabled grasp. It is one Hell of a rough trip, but it is worth riding out the rapids. My essay, Unfelt Hope, explains my feelings best (http://www.netaxs.com/people/aca3/arp.htm). : -Mike (maybe this should be in asd, but I’m a GAD/PAD something-or-other : sufferer so I hang around here instead) You’re welcome to post here. We know how awful things can get. Best Wishes, Arthur
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