Question:
For some reason my email server will not let me access the newsgroups today, so I temporarily made up an account with Google. This is Gary, the OP on this thread. Thank you so VERY much for the EXTREMELY helpful feedback – I cannot say how much it helped me. It’s very weird being on the other side of the wellness/illness spectrum – add to that a big change and other uninteresting life/existential quagmires and you can get to feeling pretty badly all of a great sudden, and that’s what happened. I will try to do the abc thing more often, as I really liked it. I never did "formal" cognitive behavioral therapy, my doctor does an hour of a sort of "fusion" of a number of things. I don’t profess to say that his approach is "better" or "less good" than formal cbt, but I will say that I did like the abc thing, and will look further into that therapeutic modality. It must be said, in fairness though, that I feel that my doctor HAS helped me (inestimably) a lot over the years – but that doesn’t mean that more couldn’t be added to the soup. From Phillip: "Margrove already came up with the Perfect Reply. Gotta
love the man." I have the highest possible respect for him, have no doubt. – Gary – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Any input on this would be very highly appreciated. Margrove already came up with the Perfect Reply. Gotta love the man. I think another aspect is that you can now unwind after having been on your toes for a long time, too long really. You were stressed out by that job and working long hours. You made a wise decision to quit. But then suddenly there is *nothing* anymore, the causes for stress and anxiety have gone away and here you are, still more or less in fight or flight mode, all aroused, only there is nothing to fight or to flee from. This is IME when us anxiety folk get a setback of some kind. It’s good to do the ABC thing of course. I also believe it will take some time for your system to get back into a more balanced condition, that’s *natural*. This will most certainly pass. Some distraction may also help, do some down to earth things (like vacuuming). "Depression hates a moving target" and I think that adage will be applicable here as well. Please keep us posted! Philip I would like to chime in on what Phil is saying. I once had a job I LOVED but had to quit due to backstabbing and horrible conditions that occurred with upper management. I worked hard and worked long hours. When I made the decision to quit, I felt liberated but, like you Gary, after a while I started feeling like things were not "right." It’s down time and people like us need to be busy all of the time. That’s why I loved that job for so long, because I never had a spare minute. No time to think about panic or anything else. Without that, like I said in an unrelated post yesterday, we tend to sit around and think too much. It’s very easy to fall into that when you are unemployed. I know you will have no problem finding another job and one you will love. You are a very compassionate person and I would be very happy to have you caring for one of my loved ones, if needed. Just try to find some things to do until the time comes for you to work again. I know, easier said than done, but you know I am right!!! Good luck, Gary. Vicki
Response:
dangitall ! i KNEW i should’ah read tha ‘expert’ advice before i posted. ’cept newwwwwww… now i feel like’ah big dork !!! Margrove is brilliant. (maybe it’s the hawaiian air that’s actin’ as an intellectual stimulus… and NEVER discount tha power of tha cabana boy.) i wanna grow up ta be JUST LIKE MARGROVE !!!! greatamundo post, babycakes … KUDOS ! ~tanya
Response:
Suddenly in the past few days, I’m rather ill at ease. It’s a very vague feeling, sort of like "free-floating anxiety"
(it’s gas.) I left the job on good terms, they even threw a small party for me, gave me a gift etc. and I work in a field that is very easy to get employed in (one of the easiest, in fact). I say all this to suggest that I’m not worrying (to the best of my knowledge, anyway) about becoming re-employed, there are no huge problems anywhere around me, and nothing jumps out and screams "THIS, this is why you feel so weird!!"
maybe it’s like that post traumatic syndrome thing. i know when i was in the psych ward it was a situation i HAD to create a ‘focus’ that would get me thru the experience. i actually began to love it there, made many friends, we all cried when i left, (probly because nobody else had ever ‘liked’ it there til me.) but what WAS my other choice? hate it and create more anxiety than i already had (since they removed my xanax from me, ta boot.) my other choice would be to flip out’n end up in state prison and kinda…. NO THANK YOU !! much like your imprisonment dictated your true feelings being most likely ’squelched’ to be able to perform your job effectively. when i was released, i thought it would be the be-all end-all of my situation, but nope… it took me 2-3 weeks to ‘detox’ from being in that place. i wasn’t quite sure why, afterall, it HAD been a wonderful time, an illusion i created to make it thru. i wondered if i’d ever be back to normal, i was beginning to think i would be stuck in this muck forever, there was no light at the end of the tunnel, nothing emotionally seemed to be progressing toward a window of "normalcy"…then BAM. one day i just was. (normalcy, of course, bein’ subjective.) perhaps you’re seeing things in your subconscious you didn’t allow yourself to see for fear of retribution that performing your tasks would ultimately result in if you DID allow these thoughts to enter into the equation. hell, i dunno… i’m lookin’ at the list of responders, so i’ll look at what the experts got ta say, that’s my own dorky take on what’s possible, based on my own experience. (or maybe ya just miss jethro!) I find myself sometimes staring off into the window, looking at the pond behind the house, and I have no real thought process going on – and then there will be some intrusive thought from the past job, some scenario, usually not a good one (in fact, never). I seem to also be waking up, and immediately the very first thing I think about is something about that job.
dang, i kinda stand by my assessment, as clinical as it ain’t. I have worked for a number of hospitals, institutions, etc. and this has never happened to me before. The only time I can recall that I was like this was when the World Trade Center disaster happened – I was sort of "weirded out" for about two weeks, although I think it was a little more pronounced than this – but I honestly don’t remember exactly. It’s all making me wonder if a simple job experience that didn’t go especially well (from an emotional standpoint) could cause someone to actually become traumatized by it, and if so, I wonder how long it might take to improve (from my present state). The WTC event was a ’short-term’ event, relative to the two years spent at this job, so I wonder if that has any utility in predicting anything. Has anyone had experiences like this, and if you did, how did they go for you, how did they play out?
mine played out as i said, then my idiotic motherfucker of a boyfriend DEMANDED i drive 14 hours to his home in florida and he sweatted me so bad i did it. it flipped muh shit so bad i screamed and yelled at him for a week and got physically violent with him til my employees were ready ta come get me in ft. lauderdale and i said ‘fuggit’ and left while he was at work, so that prolonged my recovery from the vacation spot of america, 7th floor of brookwood hospital. i finally just snapped out of it one day, still having dreams and nightmares of this situation, they finally subsided. i guess it was a backlash of suppressing my real feelings of being in there as opposed to the ones i had created to deal with being there. My cognitive function seems to be usual and I am not any different in any other way, it’s just a sort of "feeling-state" issue. Sometimes i walk around the house feeling almost a little bit like I did pre-treatment with a (very vague) feeling of de-realization, but no de-personalization. I have had one thought a few times which was scary, which was something like "You are not the same person any more, and never will be again". It did not send me into panic (not much would at my present Xanax dose; lol) but was disconcerting, as you might imagine. I’m going to meet with the psychiatrist on Wednesday; any suggestions about any specific things to bring up, besides the obvious stuff I’ve already written down?
seperation anxiety doesn’t have to be from a positive occurance, kinda like ’stockholm syndrome’, i’m thinkin’. maybe tell him ya need a plane ticket ta visit tanya, see’f he’ll chip in a few bucks. BEG, BABY, BEG ! yer gonna be fine. yer real sensitive, ya might’ah had more crap ta deal with that ya couldn’t at the time and now y’are, kinda subconsciously. this is a lucky world based on tha fact that i ain’t a shrink. think how many folks i could fuck up in a single day. I LOVE YOU, LET’S MARRY !!!!! ~tanya
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Any input on this would be very highly appreciated. Margrove already came up with the Perfect Reply. Gotta love the man. I think another aspect is that you can now unwind after having been on your toes for a long time, too long really. You were stressed out by that job and working long hours. You made a wise decision to quit. But then suddenly there is *nothing* anymore, the causes for stress and anxiety have gone away and here you are, still more or less in fight or flight mode, all aroused, only there is nothing to fight or to flee from. This is IME when us anxiety folk get a setback of some kind. It’s good to do the ABC thing of course. I also believe it will take some time for your system to get back into a more balanced condition, that’s *natural*. This will most certainly pass. Some distraction may also help, do some down to earth things (like vacuuming). "Depression hates a moving target" and I think that adage will be applicable here as well. Please keep us posted! Philip
I would like to chime in on what Phil is saying. I once had a job I LOVED but had to quit due to backstabbing and horrible conditions that occurred with upper management. I worked hard and worked long hours. When I made the decision to quit, I felt liberated but, like you Gary, after a while I started feeling like things were not "right." It’s down time and people like us need to be busy all of the time. That’s why I loved that job for so long, because I never had a spare minute. No time to think about panic or anything else. Without that, like I said in an unrelated post yesterday, we tend to sit around and think too much. It’s very easy to fall into that when you are unemployed. I know you will have no problem finding another job and one you will love. You are a very compassionate person and I would be very happy to have you caring for one of my loved ones, if needed. Just try to find some things to do until the time comes for you to work again. I know, easier said than done, but you know I am right!!! Good luck, Gary. Vicki
Response:
Any input on this would be very highly appreciated.
Margrove already came up with the Perfect Reply. Gotta love the man. I think another aspect is that you can now unwind after having been on your toes for a long time, too long really. You were stressed out by that job and working long hours. You made a wise decision to quit. But then suddenly there is *nothing* anymore, the causes for stress and anxiety have gone away and here you are, still more or less in fight or flight mode, all aroused, only there is nothing to fight or to flee from. This is IME when us anxiety folk get a setback of some kind. It’s good to do the ABC thing of course. I also believe it will take some time for your system to get back into a more balanced condition, that’s *natural*. This will most certainly pass. Some distraction may also help, do some down to earth things (like vacuuming). "Depression hates a moving target" and I think that adage will be applicable here as well. Please keep us posted! Philip – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
Response:
Hi Gary, Your job kept you busy. Now you are thinking. Remember Anxiety hates a moving target. Yes, I have had similar experiences. Meryl – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I can’t quite put my finger on this one. For the past two and 1/2 years, I’ve been working in an institution setting, where people were patients there who did not necessarily want to be. I recently left this job, mostly because I just did not like my role there, and felt I was wasting skills. It was an enormous relief at first to leave. Suddenly in the past few days, I’m rather ill at ease. It’s a very vague feeling, sort of like "free-floating anxiety" (of a mild nature) that isn’t necessarily about anything in particular. I left the job on good terms, they even threw a small party for me, gave me a gift etc. and I work in a field that is very easy to get employed in (one of the easiest, in fact). I say all this to suggest that I’m not worrying (to the best of my knowledge, anyway) about becoming re-employed, there are no huge problems anywhere around me, and nothing jumps out and screams "THIS, this is why you feel so weird!!" I find myself sometimes staring off into the window, looking at the pond behind the house, and I have no real thought process going on – and then there will be some intrusive thought from the past job, some scenario, usually not a good one (in fact, never). I seem to also be waking up, and immediately the very first thing I think about is something about that job. I have worked for a number of hospitals, institutions, etc. and this has never happened to me before. The only time I can recall that I was like this was when the World Trade Center disaster happened – I was sort of "weirded out" for about two weeks, although I think it was a little more pronounced than this – but I honestly don’t remember exactly. It’s all making me wonder if a simple job experience that didn’t go especially well (from an emotional standpoint) could cause someone to actually become traumatized by it, and if so, I wonder how long it might take to improve (from my present state). The WTC event was a ’short-term’ event, relative to the two years spent at this job, so I wonder if that has any utility in predicting anything. Has anyone had experiences like this, and if you did, how did they go for you, how did they play out? I’d be extremely interested to know, and you are welcome to email me privately if you prefer at My cognitive function seems to be usual and I am not any different in any other way, it’s just a sort of "feeling-state" issue. Sometimes i walk around the house feeling almost a little bit like I did pre-treatment with a (very vague) feeling of de-realization, but no de-personalization. I have had one thought a few times which was scary, which was something like "You are not the same person any more, and never will be again". It did not send me into panic (not much would at my present Xanax dose; lol) but was disconcerting, as you might imagine. I’m going to meet with the psychiatrist on Wednesday; any suggestions about any specific things to bring up, besides the obvious stuff I’ve already written down? Any input on this would be very highly appreciated. Gary
Response:
As moronic as your post is, Steve (the Steve who is poisoned), it just actually gave me a really good insight from out of the clear blue sky. My last job, working with sociopaths, forced me to learn to calmly and rationally "observe" them talking to me, rather than engage in all sorts of cathexis with them. I just applied those same skills to the sewage in print that you’ve posted, and thus easily resisted the temptation to say something rude. What the whole moment (or less) pointed out was that I now have MORE skills, and can easily apply them, not LESS of anything. I guess I should thank you for your – well, whatever it is. I lack qualification to define it. Gary – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My cognitive function seems to be usual and I am not any different in any other way, it’s just a sort of "feeling-state" issue. Sometimes i walk around the house feeling almost a little bit like I did pre-treatment with a (very vague) feeling of de-realization, but no de-personalization. I have had one thought a few times which was scary, which was something like "You are not the same person any more, and never will be again". It did not send me into panic (not much would at my present Xanax dose; lol) but was disconcerting, as you might imagine. I’m going to meet with the psychiatrist on Wednesday; any suggestions about any specific things to bring up, besides the obvious stuff I’ve already written down? Any input on this would be very highly appreciated. Gary Gary: As a long time anxiety/panic sufferer, I can say that I have experienced some similar things when leaving a job. In my case, the feelings of depersonalization and derealization never arrived after voluntarily leaving a job, but would almost always hit when being fired or let go. I suppose the feelings of DP/DR after being fired are a shock-type of reaction. Fortunately for me, it’s been a looong time since I’ve been fired from any job, and with increased age and maturity, I’ve come to realize that even if I lost my job tomorrow, I’d have many resources to fall back on. In short, I’d survive. The trick is never to get so attached to a job that it totally defines your identity. Granted, that’s always easier said than done. I won’t presume to know exactly how you feel, but what you describe seems an awful lot like some sort of adjustment issue – your situation has suddenly changed and you feel discombobulated over it. I don’t know what to suggest. But all transitions take time to adjust to. Don’t be too surprised if you experience mild feelings of grief from time to time over having left this job. It’s normal with any significant life transition. So be good to yourself, and give yourself time to adjust to your new circumstances. Perhaps even consider not taking a new job until you feel more grounded. Steve I am Evangelist Linda Mike, The duaghter of Late Sherrif Kindimbu from Weste Africa Nigeria. I am 34years old,my mother is From England,while my father is from Nigeria,I am an half cast (White Girl) I married to Late John from England, I am now a new christian convert,suffering from long time liver problem. OH MAN, SORRY THE BEGINNING PART OF THE MESSAGE IS JUST TO LIGHTEN UP MY POISONING AND TO OFFER A NOTE OF WARNING . THE STEVE THAT POSTED PRIOR IS NOT ME. THAT STEVE HAS THINGS TO FALL BACK ON , I HAVE A COUPLE OF OLD ELLIOT VIDEOS..
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My cognitive function seems to be usual and I am not any different in any other way, it’s just a sort of "feeling-state" issue. Sometimes i walk around the house feeling almost a little bit like I did pre-treatment with a (very vague) feeling of de-realization, but no de-personalization. I have had one thought a few times which was scary, which was something like "You are not the same person any more, and never will be again". It did not send me into panic (not much would at my present Xanax dose; lol) but was disconcerting, as you might imagine. I’m going to meet with the psychiatrist on Wednesday; any suggestions about any specific things to bring up, besides the obvious stuff I’ve already written down? Any input on this would be very highly appreciated. Gary Gary: As a long time anxiety/panic sufferer, I can say that I have experienced some similar things when leaving a job. In my case, the feelings of depersonalization and derealization never arrived after voluntarily leaving a job, but would almost always hit when being fired or let go. I suppose the feelings of DP/DR after being fired are a shock-type of reaction. Fortunately for me, it’s been a looong time since I’ve been fired from any job, and with increased age and maturity, I’ve come to realize that even if I lost my job tomorrow, I’d have many resources to fall back on. In short, I’d survive. The trick is never to get so attached to a job that it totally defines your identity. Granted, that’s always easier said than done. I won’t presume to know exactly how you feel, but what you describe seems an awful lot like some sort of adjustment issue – your situation has suddenly changed and you feel discombobulated over it. I don’t know what to suggest. But all transitions take time to adjust to. Don’t be too surprised if you experience mild feelings of grief from time to time over having left this job. It’s normal with any significant life transition. So be good to yourself, and give yourself time to adjust to your new circumstances. Perhaps even consider not taking a new job until you feel more grounded. Steve I am Evangelist Linda Mike, The duaghter of Late Sherrif Kindimbu from Weste Africa Nigeria. I am 34years old,my mother is From England,while my father is from Nigeria,I am an half cast (White Girl) I married to Late John from England, I am now a new christian convert,suffering from long time liver problem. OH MAN, SORRY THE BEGINNING PART OF THE MESSAGE IS JUST TO LIGHTEN UP MY POISONING AND TO OFFER A NOTE OF WARNING . THE STEVE THAT POSTED PRIOR IS NOT ME. THAT STEVE HAS THINGS TO FALL BACK ON , I HAVE A COUPLE OF OLD ELLIOT VIDEOS..
No need to tell us that the other Steve is not you. But thanks for the laugh anyway… Alice?
Response:
My cognitive function seems to be usual and I am not any different in any other way, it’s just a sort of "feeling-state" issue. Sometimes i walk around the house feeling almost a little bit like I did pre-treatment with a (very vague) feeling of de-realization, but no de-personalization. I have had one thought a few times which was scary, which was something like "You are not the same person any more, and never will be again". It did not send me into panic (not much would at my present Xanax dose; lol) but was disconcerting, as you might imagine. I’m going to meet with the psychiatrist on Wednesday; any suggestions about any specific things to bring up, besides the obvious stuff I’ve already written down? Any input on this would be very highly appreciated. Gary
Gary: As a long time anxiety/panic sufferer, I can say that I have experienced some similar things when leaving a job. In my case, the feelings of depersonalization and derealization never arrived after voluntarily leaving a job, but would almost always hit when being fired or let go. I suppose the feelings of DP/DR after being fired are a shock-type of reaction. Fortunately for me, it’s been a looong time since I’ve been fired from any job, and with increased age and maturity, I’ve come to realize that even if I lost my job tomorrow, I’d have many resources to fall back on. In short, I’d survive. The trick is never to get so attached to a job that it totally defines your identity. Granted, that’s always easier said than done. I won’t presume to know exactly how you feel, but what you describe seems an awful lot like some sort of adjustment issue – your situation has suddenly changed and you feel discombobulated over it. I don’t know what to suggest. But all transitions take time to adjust to. Don’t be too surprised if you experience mild feelings of grief from time to time over having left this job. It’s normal with any significant life transition. So be good to yourself, and give yourself time to adjust to your new circumstances. Perhaps even consider not taking a new job until you feel more grounded. Steve
Response:
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My cognitive function seems to be usual and I am not any different in any other way, it’s just a sort of "feeling-state" issue. Sometimes i walk around the house feeling almost a little bit like I did pre-treatment with a (very vague) feeling of de-realization, but no de-personalization. I have had one thought a few times which was scary, which was something like "You are not the same person any more, and never will be again". It did not send me into panic (not much would at my present Xanax dose; lol) but was disconcerting, as you might imagine. I’m going to meet with the psychiatrist on Wednesday; any suggestions about any specific things to bring up, besides the obvious stuff I’ve already written down? Any input on this would be very highly appreciated. Gary Gary: As a long time anxiety/panic sufferer, I can say that I have experienced some similar things when leaving a job. In my case, the feelings of depersonalization and derealization never arrived after voluntarily leaving a job, but would almost always hit when being fired or let go. I suppose the feelings of DP/DR after being fired are a shock-type of reaction. Fortunately for me, it’s been a looong time since I’ve been fired from any job, and with increased age and maturity, I’ve come to realize that even if I lost my job tomorrow, I’d have many resources to fall back on. In short, I’d survive. The trick is never to get so attached to a job that it totally defines your identity. Granted, that’s always easier said than done. I won’t presume to know exactly how you feel, but what you describe seems an awful lot like some sort of adjustment issue – your situation has suddenly changed and you feel discombobulated over it. I don’t know what to suggest. But all transitions take time to adjust to. Don’t be too surprised if you experience mild feelings of grief from time to time over having left this job. It’s normal with any significant life transition. So be good to yourself, and give yourself time to adjust to your new circumstances. Perhaps even consider not taking a new job until you feel more grounded. Steve I am
Evangelist Linda Mike, The duaghter of Late Sherrif Kindimbu from Weste Africa Nigeria. I am 34years old,my mother is From England,while my father is from Nigeria,I am an half cast (White Girl) I married to Late John from England, I am now a new christian convert,suffering from long time liver problem. OH MAN, SORRY THE BEGINNING PART OF THE MESSAGE IS JUST TO LIGHTEN UP MY POISONING AND TO OFFER A NOTE OF WARNING . THE STEVE THAT POSTED PRIOR IS NOT ME. THAT STEVE HAS THINGS TO FALL BACK ON , I HAVE A COUPLE OF OLD ELLIOT VIDEOS.. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I can’t quite put my finger on this one. For the past two and 1/2 years, I’ve been working in an institution setting, where people were patients there who did not necessarily want to be. I recently left this job, mostly because I just did not like my role there, and felt I was wasting skills. It was an enormous relief at first to leave. Suddenly in the past few days, I’m rather ill at ease. It’s a very vague feeling, sort of like "free-floating anxiety" (of a mild nature) that isn’t necessarily about anything in particular. I left the job on good terms, they even threw a small party for me, gave me a gift etc. and I work in a field that is very easy to get employed in (one of the easiest, in fact). I say all this to suggest that I’m not worrying (to the best of my knowledge, anyway) about becoming re-employed, there are no huge problems anywhere around me, and nothing jumps out and screams "THIS, this is why you feel so weird!!" I find myself sometimes staring off into the window, looking at the pond behind the house, and I have no real thought process going on – and then there will be some intrusive thought from the past job, some scenario, usually not a good one (in fact, never). I seem to also be waking up, and immediately the very first thing I think about is something about that job. I have worked for a number of hospitals, institutions, etc. and this has never happened to me before. The only time I can recall that I was like this was when the World Trade Center disaster happened – I was sort of "weirded out" for about two weeks, although I think it was a little more pronounced than this – but I honestly don’t remember exactly. It’s all making me wonder if a simple job experience that didn’t go especially well (from an emotional standpoint) could cause someone to actually become traumatized by it, and if so, I wonder how long it might take to improve (from my present state). The WTC event was a ’short-term’ event, relative to the two years spent at this job, so I wonder if that has any utility in predicting anything. Has anyone had experiences like this, and if you did, how did they go for you, how did they play out? I’d be extremely interested to know, and you are welcome to email me privately if you prefer at My cognitive function seems to be usual and I am not any different in any other way, it’s just a sort of "feeling-state" issue. Sometimes i walk around the house feeling almost a little bit like I did pre-treatment with a (very vague) feeling of de-realization, but no de-personalization. I have had one thought a few times which was scary, which was something like "You are not the same person any more, and never will be again". It did not send me into panic (not much would at my present Xanax dose; lol) but was disconcerting, as you might imagine. I’m going to meet with the psychiatrist on Wednesday; any suggestions about any specific things to bring up, besides the obvious stuff I’ve already written down? Any input on this would be very highly appreciated. Gary
My cognitive function seems to be usual and I am not any different in any other way, it’s just a sort of "feeling-state" issue. Sometimes i walk around the house feeling almost a little bit like I did pre-treatment with a (very vague) feeling of de-realization, but no de-personalization. I have had one thought a few times which was scary, which was something like "You are not the same person any more, and never will be again". It did not send since you have now taken a serious change in your every day venue, this type of thought and thinking as well as its relational "feeling" of being shell shocked is normal-the habit of work is now gone-a new one may ensure but it isn;t the old one it is different-the aspect of change is something we all seem to find a bit disconcerting do an abc on the ideation a=the adversarial thought here a compound one I am not the same person anymore-I NEVER will be again b-the irrational belief if I am not the same person anymore who am I? How do I define myself, my whole world has now changed and I am unsure if I am prepared to accept the new changes the term Never is another whodunk-it connotes an absolute universal law of always forever and ever-you will be different eternally and although this may be transcendentally true it is not an empirical construct that can be proven empirically so you cannot really use it as a trueism-you may not be the same and yet again you may is more acurate c-the emotional consequence is you feel off-not quite right or having that free floating state of angst d-the dispute You know this one already but I am sure you just let it slip–I am not defined by what I do for a living, where I go each day, what I eat and how I behave. I am more complex then these simplistic aspects of my life-they are after all aspects. I am defined by too many things to allow for any conclusions other then I am a complex ever changing organism-I am a human being not doing e-the rational emotional consequence I am concerned even sad about leaving some of the things about my old job I liked (whatever they are-people busy work etc) I may miss the busy work the people the challenges and activity-but I know I will find some new ones that are as intriguing in their own way gary we are habitual creatures-you are just falling back to some bad negative slightly scary negative habits once you establish a new system a new bunch of things to make up your day these feelings will slough off and disappear once you actually get a few job offers peace LM me into panic (not much would at my present Xanax dose; lol) but was disconcerting, as you might imagine. I’m going to meet with the psychiatrist on Wednesday; any suggestions about any specific things to bring up, besides the obvious stuff I’ve already written down?
Response:
I can’t quite put my finger on this one. For the past two and 1/2 years, I’ve been working in an institution setting, where people were patients there who did not necessarily want to be. I recently left this job, mostly because I just did not like my role there, and felt I was wasting skills. It was an enormous relief at first to leave. Suddenly in the past few days, I’m rather ill at ease. It’s a very vague feeling, sort of like "free-floating anxiety" (of a mild nature) that isn’t necessarily about anything in particular. I left the job on good terms, they even threw a small party for me, gave me a gift etc. and I work in a field that is very easy to get employed in (one of the easiest, in fact). I say all this to suggest that I’m not worrying (to the best of my knowledge, anyway) about becoming re-employed, there are no huge problems anywhere around me, and nothing jumps out and screams "THIS, this is why you feel so weird!!" I find myself sometimes staring off into the window, looking at the pond behind the house, and I have no real thought process going on – and then there will be some intrusive thought from the past job, some scenario, usually not a good one (in fact, never). I seem to also be waking up, and immediately the very first thing I think about is something about that job. I have worked for a number of hospitals, institutions, etc. and this has never happened to me before. The only time I can recall that I was like this was when the World Trade Center disaster happened – I was sort of "weirded out" for about two weeks, although I think it was a little more pronounced than this – but I honestly don’t remember exactly. It’s all making me wonder if a simple job experience that didn’t go especially well (from an emotional standpoint) could cause someone to actually become traumatized by it, and if so, I wonder how long it might take to improve (from my present state). The WTC event was a ’short-term’ event, relative to the two years spent at this job, so I wonder if that has any utility in predicting anything. Has anyone had experiences like this, and if you did, how did they go for you, how did they play out? I’d be extremely interested to know, and you are welcome to email me privately if you prefer at My cognitive function seems to be usual and I am not any different in any other way, it’s just a sort of "feeling-state" issue. Sometimes i walk around the house feeling almost a little bit like I did pre-treatment with a (very vague) feeling of de-realization, but no de-personalization. I have had one thought a few times which was scary, which was something like "You are not the same person any more, and never will be again". It did not send me into panic (not much would at my present Xanax dose; lol) but was disconcerting, as you might imagine. I’m going to meet with the psychiatrist on Wednesday; any suggestions about any specific things to bring up, besides the obvious stuff I’ve already written down? Any input on this would be very highly appreciated. Gary
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